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2009-12-08, 06:35 AM (ISO 8601)
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My webcomic!
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2009-12-08, 10:43 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
Home sick. Don't expect any updates from me, at least not for a while. Blarf.
...And that is how I met your father.
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2009-12-08, 10:44 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
Blast it all. You guys go too fast that I can't keep up!
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2009-12-08, 11:47 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
Avatar by CoffeeIncluded
Oooh, and that's a bad miss.
“Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.”
― Tim Fargo
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2009-12-08, 11:48 AM (ISO 8601)
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2009-12-08, 11:51 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
To the authors on the thread:
SpoilerThank you for the stories, the tales I’m reading
Thanks for all the squick they’re breeding
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty
What would life be?
Without a tale or a yarn what are we?
So I say thank you for the stories
For giving them to meAvatar by CoffeeIncluded
Oooh, and that's a bad miss.
“Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.”
― Tim Fargo
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2009-12-08, 11:57 AM (ISO 8601)
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2009-12-08, 12:34 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
Know what I've retroactively realised this reminds me of? The scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark where Marion keeps trying to hug Indy, but he keeps brushing her off because he's in too much pain. She asks him where she can kiss him, and he immediately offers his elbow. Very sweet on both counts.
...And that is how I met your father.
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2009-12-08, 03:07 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
Wait, Water-smurf, I have a question about what you wrote a couple of pages back.
...Something here doesn't make sense. We know that Kyrie is a good person, and in all likelihood wants V to get pleasure from sex as well. So my question is: Why would Kyrie have never tried the ear thing with V? To be honest, that doesn't make much sense to me.My webcomic!
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2009-12-08, 04:16 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
It's probably one of the best shows Disney's ever written. (Seriously--it has a dark, adult tone, the characters are developed, the storyline's complex... I'd suggest it to anyone.) It's about these creatures that look like living gargoyles--they have sharp teeth and horns and wings and everything--and at dawn they turn to stone, while at dusk they turn back to living flesh.
The Magus isSpoileran advisor to Princess Katherine of Scotland in 990 CE and a powerful sorcerer. (Oh, and he happens to be in one-sided love with the princess.) Through a series of events I'm not going to go into, he thought that the princess was murdered and the titular gargoyles are to blame. In short, he turned them into stone until 'the castle rises above the clouds.' Then he finds out the princess is alive. Then he can't undo the spell because someone had taken the page with the counterspell out of his book. Ever since then, he's been atoning for his mistake.
I'm still trying to figure it out.
I dunno. Maybe the elven culture is a little like the ancient Greek one? As in, relationships between adults and children/mentors and students are acceptable? (I could be totally wrong about the ancient Greek culture. I just know about their myths.)
Of course Kyrie would want V to enjoy it as much as s/he does. I never meant to cast a negative light on hir--s/he's obviously a very loving spouse and parent, though s/he may not be a perfect match for V.
And s/he probably did try the ear thing, but probably never without the context of sex already happening. Sometimes people don't touch right or maybe V was just too uncomfortable with what was going on to really enjoy anything Kyrie did, no matter how pleasurable under more relaxed circumstances.
Sometimes people just aren't compatible sexually. Either way, it didn't matter what Inkyrius tried: Vaarsuvius didn't enjoy any physical intimacy.
(Which all probably made Inkyrius really sore when s/he found out that V had banged Reddy so much that a protection spell failed and she got pregnant while they were still technically married.)
Spoiler
The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story
Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.
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2009-12-08, 04:23 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
My webcomic!
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Tales of Aequar: Runite's Rise IC
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Playing Natalia Bolts,Jadeite Nocrius, and Soren Lowell
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2009-12-08, 04:28 PM (ISO 8601)
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2009-12-08, 04:40 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.
If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).
The best answer is always to ask your DM.
Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.
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2009-12-08, 04:45 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
My webcomic!
Currently DMing:
Tales of Aequar: Runite's Rise IC
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Playing Natalia Bolts,Jadeite Nocrius, and Soren Lowell
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2009-12-08, 04:49 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
Definitely. That's part of the reason Inky has to really struggle with hir feelings about Tiasal. S/he's fully aware that she did nothing wrong by being born, but s/he is also fully aware of what her existence means about V and Redcloak, as well as hir relationship/marriage with Vaarsuvius.
...What.
They actually have a book like that? Huh. I'm going to need to get it. How does sex have any effect on alignment, though? (Outside of, you know, rape being an evil act.)
Spoiler
The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story
Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.
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2009-12-08, 05:01 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
So do you think Kyrie is male or female? I always saw Kyrie as male. Still unsure on V though.
And shameless promotion time: http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=133565My webcomic!
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2009-12-08, 05:10 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
It's plausable that their long life expectancy would mean that age gaps don't matter so much, even if your counting in elf years not human years. They can dawdle around for decade or two without the pressure of impending old age. That would stop them feeling like they had to start looking for a mate/starting a family as soon as they could, therefore leaving a lot of elves of widely varying age who are all single.
As for student/teacher relationships... I'm not entirely sure. It wouldn't be that much of a stretch for their culture to be more lenient about it, especially in a more close-knit community. But then again, that could also make it less acceptable...
I'm gonna go with male too. And nice comic.
V's gender depends on whether I want to read/write het or slash.Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-12-08 at 05:14 PM.
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-12-08, 05:16 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
Heh, thanks. What do you like about it?
My webcomic!
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2009-12-08, 05:17 PM (ISO 8601)
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2009-12-08, 05:19 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
It doesn't, but it has a good analysis on how people of the various alignments might view sex, including an example LG Paladin going through a 1-night stand, and a similar analysis of species' beliefs. It's a far better alignment discussion than anything I've seen out of WotC. It also has a variety of useful rules(pregnancy and polymorph, halfbreeds, new uses for spells, etc) and mechanics that would make WotC proud(decent classes, but PrCs range from useless to awesome to broken) interesting items, new spells, and a lot of other interesting stuff. Also atrocious art, but that's what sticky notes are for.
[/sarcasm]
FAQ is not RAW!Avatar by the incredible CrimsonAngel.
Saph:It's surprising how many problems can be solved by one druid spell combined with enough aggression.
I play primarily 3.5 D&D. Most of my advice will be based off of this. If my advice doesn't apply, specify a version in your post.
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2009-12-08, 08:51 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
I've always thought of Kyrie as female, but s/he's probably going to be male for the story. I'm still not sure that I'm going to make a definitive statement about it.
I can't help but feel that making up a weird cultural thing about it would be contrived. And my idea of Aandy makes him too loving and self-disciplined to do anything he thinks could hurt Vaarsuvius.
I guess it doesn't necessarily need to be feelings that are acted on, but then it'd be awkward...
But anyway, here's another chapter.
Spoiler“An adventurer party is passing through the field? Seriously? There’s nothing here!”
“Nothing except easy passage to some of the more active adventuring areas. And Tiasal…” A frustrated sigh. “Belkar, you know what it’s like. You know what we need to do. You see green skin and you immediately think ‘XP.’ You don’t think about whether or not it’s a kid. You don’t think about whether or not there’s a threat.”
“I don’t see the problem here.”
“Adventurers who don’t seem too sympathetic towards goblins want to shack up in our place tonight. Roy, Durkon, and Elan have already gone to see if they can pick up any sign of Xykon in the last city he was seen in. You, Abram, Aarindarius, and I are the only ones here who don’t look like walking XP. I’m not letting my son get involved with this, so that leaves you, Aarindarius, and me. They’re going to treat Tia like they treat any other goblin, Belkar.”
“Well we can fix that easily. I’ve been needing a new chip bowl.”
“Belkar!” A frustrated growling and teeth-grinding noise. “No killing random adventurers! Besides, they’re mid-level. We can handle them easily, sure, but they’re still a threat. They want to stay here for the night, and they’re apparently working for some king or other. If they disappear mysteriously before meeting up with the entourage waiting for them in the mountains, the king will get suspicious and we’ll be investigated. We can make this easy. You’re going to make sure that Tia stays in bed and no one goes into her room. Aarindarius is going to act as my husband. Abram is going to be a boy we hired to help take care of the place.”
“This seems needlessly complicated.”
“When you’re hiding things, the more lies you tell, the better. Rule of thumb in the rogue’s handbook.” Her voice dropped to an annoyed growl. “And besides: they seem to keep much better control of their hands when my ‘husband’ is in the room.” Her voice went up again. “Can I trust you to take care of Tia?”
“I still don’t see the point to this.”
“Belkar, she’s not an adventurer. She’s a little kid with green skin. I don’t want her hurt.”
“You think I do?” There was a shuffling sound. “Keep your pants on. I’ll make sure she stays intact.”
Her door creaked open, then shut quietly. Tiasal pretended she was asleep. There were the gentle taps of bare feet against the wooden floor. A hand, so light that she could have imagined it, brushed against her shoulder. The chair under her window groaned as someone sat in it, and through the cracks between her eyelids, she saw a blade gleam in her uncle’s lap, his hand loosely wrapped around the hilt. He maintained his vigil all night.
---
Molten gold eyes snapped open for the first time in nearly sixteen years. Lungs inflated with stale dungeon air, shuddering with coughs. The aged human cleric stepped away slowly from the bed, hobbling just a little, then dipped his head to Xykon. “I must attend to my children, my lord.”
“Sure, sure, whatever.”
Xykon leaned forward, ignoring the frozen Teevo screen and just staring at the disoriented goblin on the bed as the aged cleric left the room.
“Welcome back to the land of the living and unliving.”
Redcloak looked up blindly at Xykon, eyes wide, mouth opened slightly as if to speak. “…!”
“What, cat got your tongue? Did you miss me, Reddy? Aw, I knew you cared.”
Redcloak swallowed, blinking and rubbing his eyes hard.
“Are you going to talk? Because I’m seriously starting to think that there is something up with your genes. Is muteness inherited? Well, actually, that would mean that you’ve always been mute. Alright, then. Maybe it’s a recessive gene? Or maybe you inherit it retroactively from your kids.”
“Xykon… why am I here?”
Redcloak rubbed his temples, sitting forward slowly, his bones letting out audible cracks with this new movement. He turned a little, his eyes focusing on the lich, the lich that had taken his niece, nephews, sister-in-law, brother, wife, daughter, and life from him.
His face took on an ugly look of hatred.
“Why am I here, Xykon?”
“Ooh, looks like I got Daddy angry. I’d better blame the mess on the dog.” Xykon stood up, a smirk radiating from his frozen face, and sauntered closer to the newly-resurrected goblin. “Oh, Reddy. Can’t I resurrect you just to get caught up on old times? And, you know, have a high-level cleric hanging around who knows some ancient rituals I need to have in order to get control of a deicidal abomination?”
“I don’t work with you anymore.” Redcloak stood up sharply from his bed, knees buckling slightly, but he was able to lean his weight on the wall easily. He closed his eyes, face creasing with inner frustration and pain. “I should have cut you off long ago. Too many people have been lost because of me not being able to face the meaninglessness of their deaths. Too many people I love are gone. But Vaarsuvius…” His shoulders tensed, red magic flaring at his hands. “Vaarsuvius. Vaarsuvius was the last straw. There’s nothing more to take away, Xykon. You’ve done everything you can do. Soulbind me again if you want. The rifts aren’t there anymore. You can’t hold Vaarsuvius’s soul or my own over my head.”
He opened molten eyes again. “There’s nothing more.”
Xykon took a moment to contemplate the goblin in front of him, his head tilted slightly. “Oh, Reddy. It’s only a failure of imagination on your part to say that I can’t do anything more.”
His frozen grin seemed to stretch. “Sure, you’re speeches are overwrought and self-righteous as ever, but I gotta say, that whore’s death made you grow a pair big time. Or maybe it was something else that did that. Hey, how much do you remember from being stuck in my bauble?”
Redcloak’s angry expression morphed into one of confusion. He had expected a reminder of his brother. Maybe an empty threat towards Vaarsuvius. Not total flippancy. “…Just that it’s been a very long time.”
“Okay. Come on upstairs—the Necromancer chick is still around. And she still hates you. I love conflict! But you two are going to have to keep a lid on it until after we talk about everything you missed.”
Redcloak blinked, unsure if he should be indignant or confused and settling on a combination of both. “Xykon, did you hear a word I just said?”
“Oh, yeah. But I don’t think that you meant any of it. That’d just be stupid of you.”
The goblin’s brow furrowed, muscles tightening in fury. “I don’t work f—”
“I have your daughter.”
Redcloak froze mid-word.
“She’s surprisingly animate for a stillborn.”
There was a long silence. Redcloak jerked slightly, shaking his head and frowning. “Xykon, she was stillborn. I know you’re trying to see if I lied to you, but I was honest when I said that.”
His ears were stiff his face imperceptibly grim. He was gambling in hope.
Xykon’s frozen grin darkened. “You have some serious balls to be lying to me now, bitch.”
“I’m not lying.” But Redcloak’s complexion paled considerably. This wasn’t a trick. He knew it wasn’t.
“Either you’re lying or we stumbled on some other green-skinned, purple-haired, purple-eyed half-breed who knows who you, your whore, and I are.” He crossed his arms, shrugging. “But whatever. If she’s not yours, then I’m sure you won’t mind me locking her outside and watching her freeze to death. I’ve been wondering what color goblin half-breeds turn when they get cold.”
Redcloak’s breath caught in his throat. Xykon leaned forward, their faces a mere hair apart. “So, Reddy, was your kid stillborn?”
“…” Redcloak swallowed hard, eyes wide. “Please don’t hurt her.”
“Oh, Reddy. You’re so spineless.” Xykon straightened, glare boring deep into the goblin to the point that Redcloak could actually feel heat from it. “You cheeky little bastard. You thought that I wouldn’t find out about your little brat? I’ll admit that those adventurer guys were effective at hiding her for a while, but we both have time to find out secrets, don’t we?”
“Have you done something to my daughter?”
Xykon leaned forward again, hot red gems inches away from gold eyes. “What if I did?”
Redcloak’s eyes became molten. His muscles went tight. His sharp teeth were bared. His claws stretched out. “I swear, if you’ve hurt her at all, I’m going to—”
“What? You’re going to what?” Xykon placed his hands firmly on the goblin’s chest, careful to not touch bare skin—it wouldn’t do for Redcloak to be paralyzed—and shoved him back on the bed with bruising force, almost breaking the furniture and the goblin’s bones. “Guess what, bitch—you’re just as powerless now as ever.”
The lich let out a hollow laugh. “What are you going to try to do? Try to kill me with your lack of spells and levels? Go on another one of your whiny, self-righteous tirades? You have nothing. No power, no knowledge, and no leverage. I have everything. I have epic levels, countless minions swarming this tower, and your little brat. I’m sure Tsukiko wouldn’t mind being put in charge of the kid’s care.”
Redcloak paled again.
“And here you are, willing to stand up to me for the sake of some little brat that you haven’t seen in fifteen years.”
“Fifteen years?” Redcloak’s face paled further, eyes going wide. “My daughter’s fifteen years old?”
“Oh gods, spare me the annoying parental angst.” Xykon threw up his hands. “Yes, she’s fifteen years old. The nifty thing about having elf blood is that you age really freaking slowly, apparently. She looks like she’s eight. Doesn’t act like it, though. It’s kind of creepy, if you ask me. I’m not complaining, but she’s one frikkin’ creepy kid. Are we going to go and get you caught up on what you need to do now that you’re alive again now?”
Redcloak’s eyes drifted down to the necklace still worn by the lich, fixated on the sparkling sapphires taunting him. He took a tight grip of the fear within, drawing on the surety that his elf was near. He could be brave for his daughter’s sake. “I want to see Tiasal. I want to see my daughter.”
Xykon slowly straightened again, backing away, his frozen expression turning back into a macabre smile and a hollow chuckle reverberating from his empty ribcage. “Yeah. You want to see your daughter. You might not like what you see, Reddy. Or vice-versa.”
Redcloak swallowed hard, finally dropping any pretense that he had a choice in this matter. He let his eyes linger on the sapphire holding the soul of Vaarsuvius, giving a silent apology. He would find a way to be with his lover again, but he had to admit that it would still be a long time until he could figure out how to do that while keeping Tiasal safe. His heart ached for the familiar elven presence, the delicate fingers intertwined with his. He wanted Vaarsuvius back. He wanted Tiasal back. He just wanted to be allowed to have his family and for Xykon to never threaten them again.
But that wasn’t possible.
“I want to see my daughter, Lord Xykon. Please.”
Xykon paused, then relaxed, mollified by the obvious admission of defeat. “Well, who am I to deny a deadbeat dad the right to see his little love child? We’ll make an event of it—we got a new hire while you went missing who I’m sure you’ll be really interested in meeting. And the Necromancer chick’s gotten older. Maybe you can start sleeping with her or something; she’s a better pick than your whore at any rate.”
Redcloak stifled his bristling at the insult towards his absent wife. (Wife? Well, they hadn’t married, but it felt like they had all the same.) “I doubt it, Lord Xykon.”
“You’re probably right. You had a better chance as a skeleton.” Xykon pointed at the door. “I’ll go tell the Necromancer chick to get everyone upstairs. Hurry up—wouldn’t want to keep your little girl up past her bedtime, would you?”
Redcloak could hear an underlying threat there, but he wasn’t quite sure what Xykon was threatening. He had no intention of trying to find out, though.
He quietly prayed to the Dark One for his daughter’s and lover’s safety and quietly followed his leader out the door.
Thoughts?
Spoiler
The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story
Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.
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2009-12-08, 08:56 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
Aww, it's so short! But I like it anyways.
Just one thing: Reddy's soul had to consent to being raised...In these circumstances, why would he?My webcomic!
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2009-12-08, 09:11 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
Maybe it happened to quickly for him to deny?
It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.
If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).
The best answer is always to ask your DM.
Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.
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2009-12-08, 09:21 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
Why Redcloak consented to being raised, quoted from the previous chapter:
The cleric stooped a little further, frowning darkly. “What makes you believe that I can resurrect him, my lord? The soul needs to be willing to return to the body.”
“Reddy’s not going to want to hang too much around the afterlife. Probably worried about getting gang-beaten by his family. And he’s still got things to do, deicidal abominations to enslave, and stillborn children to take care of. Oh, and he also needs to figure out how to release his whore’s soul.”Credits to half-halfling for my adorable avatar.
...............................................
Come visit the Discussion Thread Index II.
Looking for a new webcomic to read? Take a look at the Webcomic List.
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2009-12-08, 09:35 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
Ah, thanks.
My webcomic!
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2009-12-08, 11:43 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
Water-Smurf:I liked it, but seeing Xykon call Redcloak "bitch" is still a little jarring. I know that he said it in SoD, but from what I gather it was only once? Having him say it to Reddy every other paragraph just seems weird.
It's only a minor complaint. Other than that it was of the same high quality I've come to enjoy in all your other chapters.
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2009-12-08, 11:54 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
I know I'm a bit new here--but I've recently read the ongoing story and I've liked it so far
...It's not my typical shipping, but I still like it.
Even though I do agree with the poster above--that was a bit jarring, but I still like it.
I hope the next chapter is just as good ^^
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2009-12-09, 12:03 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
wow. this is just amazing so far. how are do you manage to outdo yourself every time you post a story?!
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2009-12-09, 12:09 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
Ah, but there's so much more to read. Like my two chapters located on pages 5 and 7 of this thread. Shameless self-promotion? Whatever do you mean?.
On a related note, how would I go about getting Lira to include the name of my story ("Not for Everyone") on the main index... thingy? Private Message? Or will her all-seeing gaze find the request in this very post? Does she see all? Is she watching me right now?!
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2009-12-09, 12:16 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
I liked it, it was very well written--of course, RoyxMiko is one of my base ships...
Except I like VxMiko better, but hey, everyone's got their prefrences.
XD So yeah--I might put a bit of my main ship Oh noes, self promotion, Kill Screen, you really don't mean you're going to put...BelkarxHaley on here, because no one else did? Yes, yes it does. *shot for her self-promotion* So yeah. XD