"Useless" magic items needed!

[Sacrath]

My next adventure has my PCs run into a trapped fey named Patchwork Jack:

Hello, my name is Patchwork Jack-
Won't you take a look inside my sack?
Things find their way in there you see-
Though retrieving them is far from free.
But deals I make! And just today-
Setting me free is all you'll pay.

Patchwork Jack
Medium Fey
HD 8d6+16 (40)
Speed 60 ft. (12 squares)
Init: +10
AC 18; touch 16; flat-footed 12 (+6 Dex, +2 Natural Armor)
BAB +4; Grp +5
Attack Claw +10 melee (1d4+1, 20/x2)
Full-Attack 2 Claws +10 melee (1d4+1, 20/x2)
Space 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft.
Special Attacks Clickity Clack Get In The Sack!
Special Qualities Uncatchable, DR 10/Cold Iron
Saves Fort +4 Ref +12 Will +11
Abilities Str 13, Dex 22, Con 14, Int 12, Wis 16, Cha 16
Skills Appraise +12, Bluff +14, Climb +12, Jump +12, Sense Motive +12, Tumble +17, Use Magic Device +14
Feats Weapon Finesse, Improved Initiative, Ability Focus (Clickity Clack Get In The Sack!)
Environment Any
Organization Solitary
Challenge Rating 7
Treasure No gold; Half gems; Double art; Double magical items
Alignment Chaotic Neutral
Advancement None
Level Adjustment None

Before you stands what resembles a scarecrow without any straw. This creature is composed of a skeletal frame covered with various swatches of cloth and leather stitched together haphazardly. Even more disconcerting is its eyes which glow a dull yellow between two holes in the hood of its garment. Its mouth is a wide, loosely-stitched, toothless gash and in its clawed hands hit holds a bulging black velvet sack.

Uncatchable: Patchwork Jack is a slippery one, and constantly under the affects of Freedom of Movement (CL 15) this can be dispelled but Patchwork Jack and re-activate it next round as a free action.

Clickity Clack Get In The Sack: As a full round action, Patchwork Jack may attempt to capture one of his enemies in his magical sack. This requires a melee touch attack and a target may resist with a successful Will Save (DC 19). Anyone trapped within the sack is missing for 1d6 days before they can be found wandering around somewhere near a location of high fey activity (enchanted glens, mushroom circles, ect.). No one remembers what went on while lost in Jack's sack, and one magic item (at the DM's digression) is missing from their inventory. Jack can attempt this attack once every 1d4+1 rounds. The save is Charisma based.

Combat:
Patchwork Jack, in general, is a non-violent creature however, he does not abide theft nor insults and will most likely attempt to capture the offender in his bag before escaping from any allies they might have had. If cornered his main tactic is to trap as many foes as needed before escaping, although he has full access to the items within his sack and may withdraw them to aid him in combat if the need is dire. The contents of Patchwork Jack's sack is up to the DM.


What I need, is a list of items that might be found in such a creature's magical sack. Jack is an unseelie fey, and his "bargains" are often directly harmful or else completely worthless to those that try to use them. However, they should have some useful effect that a creative player might exploit.

To give you an idea of what I am looking for I have a few items that I am going to include:

A magical staff that's only ability is to keep itself balanced on its tip.
A ring of invisibility that makes the wearer blind.
A cloak of intangibility. (ie nothing)
A wand of fireballs that can only target the wielder.

You get the idea. Anyway I am hoping to get a large list of items and put them on a table to roll any time the PCs deal with Patchwork Jack in the future which should be often as long as they don't kill him straight off for speaking in rhyme.

[hylian chozo]

A ring of continuous Deathwatch that tells the player that the wearer is alive, dead, or undead.

A magical stick that causes the word, "WAND" to appear in the air directly in front of the wielder.

A "Scroll of Words". I'll let you figure that one out.

That kind of thing?

[Sacrath]

Exactly, I especially like the ring.

[Jack_Simth]

Ring of Invulnerability: This ring cannot be damaged by any force. It does not confer this benefit to the wearer. Great for jamming things open, though, and causes Spheres of Annihilation to detonate in an explosion on contact (the ring survives this, too, although the person wearing it doesn't).

Ring of Theft-Alarm: This ring lets out a powerful jolt of electricity every time something is stolen from the wearer. Unfortunately, this jolt always targets the wearer for 5d6 damage (no save). Makes a great gift for an enemy once you've loaded up on Slight of Hand.

Instant Water: This odd white powder, when mixed with no more than ten gallons of pure water, results in as many as ten gallons of pure water.

Mirror of Seeing: When the command-word is spoken, this mirror shows the wielder what he expects to see - whether that has any basis in reality or not.

[Icewalker]

Amulet of anti-gravity? As soon as you put it on it (and only it) immediately falls upward off your neck?

Wand of Anti-magic. It itself cannot be used because of all the anti-magic in it.

[sigurd]

Horse shoes of falling. - a horse shod with these shoes has 5x the normal chance of falling.

Rod of Wondrous Flower - dropped into a wet container and the command words "colour for free" spoken the rod spouts a bouquet of flowers. The flowers last until the wand is removed or the water completely dries up. if they are plucked they vanish.

Wand of beef or chicken - if this wand is used to stir soup it flavours it as if with stock. One end has a chicken and one end has a cow. The image in the hand determines the type of flavour. It adds no appreciable nutrition.

(Cursed) Case of parchment disappearing - This device collects maps and scrolls for a distant figure. Any paper or parchment like substance rolled up and put in the case is teleported to the collector.

Dunce Cap of Charity. This cap shapes the head beneath into a similar shape. The effect is permanent, until the victim gives 1000gld to the poor with his own hand. No more that 10 gold can be given to any recipient. The conditions of the curse removal can be determined by an Identify spell.

Bag of Urine - This small bag will hold an unlimited amount of urine. At discovery it holds d100-30 gallons of urine. The bag and the holder always smell of Apples.
If it is tipped and the command words "Fetchez la vache" are spoken it will empty itself. The contained urine does not fester or spoil.


Sigurd.

[BRC]

An Invisible Ring, NOT a ring of invisibility, the ring itself is invisible.
An Invulnerable ring, The ring is invulnerable, the wearer isn't.

[MorkaisChosen]

The Wand of Create Wand that I've seen a few times on this board would work... Just guess what types of wand it can create!

Other ideas: This one's nicked, but Rings of Friendship. If you wear one of them, you know there's another one in the world. If you wear both, you know where both of them are.

Everfull Glass: a glass that's full of water. It's impossible to get the water out of the glass, hence the name.

[TheCountAlucard]

Wand of Olives - This wand can produce one olive every hour. It can only create green olives with a pimento in the center. The pimento cannot be removed by any means prior to consuming the olive.

Staff of Cuisine - Three times per day, this staff can produce food of nigh-royal quality, a delicious and hearty feast. The food never spoils and will last until consumed (at which point it disappears).

[Dorizzit]

Incense of Constipation: self explanatory.
Rod of Blunder: When used, it causes the wielder to fall prone or drop their weapon/staff/wand/etc.
King's Clothes: only idiots can't see them...
Sword of Prophecy: It tells you everything that happens to you five minutes ago.
Ring of Detect Thoughts: it informs you that anything you look at is either thinking, or not.
Headband: No mechanical bonus, but +10 to awesome.
+5 Axe of Empathy: Every time you hit something, you get dealt an equal amount of damage. Both you and the thing you hit are then healed the amount of damage dealt by the axe, even if either are dead. The Axe hopes you have learned your lesson.

Edit: @V: answered.

[MorkaisChosen]

Nine Olives Stealer: an ordinary sword, except for its ability to steal nine olives, which become part of its hilt once stolen (as a touch attack, no save).

EDIT: Would the Axe of Empathy resurrect someone it killed? If not, that's pretty useful...

[Xuincherguixe]

Decanter of endless nothing:
When tipped, it doesn't do anything

Ring of thing:
Whatever it is it does, no one can tell.

Musical Box:
When opened, a musical number is generated, complete with a bunch of people singing and dancing.

Hat of vanishing rabbits:
A rabbit can be pulled from out of the hat. By tugging on the rabbits ears, little numbers appear over it's eyes and begins counting down ominously. When the numbers reach 0, it vanishes.

Ring of diminishing returns:
An iron ring which on the first day splits into 9 identical rings. One of those rings will then split into 8 on the second, and so on until no new rings are made. Each ring is worth 1 copper.

Still beating heart:
A heart which though removed from whatever creature, keeps beating.

[MorkaisChosen]

Still-beating heart: a heart that, when it gets within 150ft of a distillation apparatus, flys from wherever it is kept atnd attacks the still. It always wins.

[UglyPanda]

Rope of entanglement: When unattended, appears to be an ordinary 100 ft. silk rope, however, once touched, the rope will continuously twisted and knot itself until it is unsuitable for usage. A player may attempt to unknot said rope with a use rope check (DC 25) and it will not twisted itself again until it is dropped. Once it is dropped, it will exhibit this behavior the next time it is needed.

10 ft. pole of aversion: Any player attempting to touch anything with this pole must make a will save (DC 25) or they will hold said pole an inch away instead of touching it.

Ladder of tipping: This item appears to be an ordinary 30 ft. collapsible ladder. If a player climbs to the top of this ladder, it will tip over, sending the player crashing to the ground for 3d6 damage. A player may make a jump or tumble check to negate this damage, however they suffer a -5 to this check if they do not know of the ladder's effect.

[Kenori]

Sword of Ancestry: This beautifully crafted sword appears to be made of some crystalline metal. When picked up, you begin to hear strange sounds and whispers. If you have a dead relative who was extremely annoying in real life, 1 roud later he/she begins to constantly nag you about the way you look and how you fight. Dropping the sword only makes the noise louder, and only you can hear it. Anyone else who touches the sword also hears it. Remove curse will stop the affect, as well as a commune with dead spell if you choose that person and speak with them for more than one hour.

Would it kill you to commune with use for a change!

[MorkaisChosen]

Hmmm... That sword reminds me of something...

Also,

Goat of Turning: When the command word is spoken, this wooden statue of a goat revolves.

[Shades of Gray]

Gray wand of Animal Obedience (Pet Rock)

Rubik's focus of confounding displeasure, a cube that will give ultimate power, activated upon each side having all the same colour, but was mistakenly given seven colours.

Ergonomic Sword, a perfectly ergonomic sword, easy to grip, low weight, and causes no pain to the wielder, however... It causes no pain to the enemy...

[Icewalker]

How bout that ring of detect thoughts mentioned above, which lets you read only your own thoughts.

[Hawriel]

Ive always liked chainmail +2 of disappearance. In times of great physical danger it lives up to its name.

[ikrase]

Mirror of Light Diffusing: Its like an Archimedes's Death Ray but in reverse
Ring of Nonlethal Fireball: You can shoot a fireball at the enemy, but it just frazzles them and chars nonmagical clothes, doing no damage at all. It backfires on a D20 roll of 5 or less.

[MoelVermillion]

I thought I'd pitch a few ideas, I don't know if they're any good but maybe they'll set you on a thought train for something better or something.

Bag of replusion? A magic bag that looks like a bag of holding on the outside only anything you try to place in there is repelled out?

Hows about an umbrella of endless rain? Whilst not really much in DND terms i think that an umbrella that caused it to permanently rain on the holder would be pretty nifty for a trickster merchant.

Hows about a cloak of misplacement? Like a cloak of displacement only it has a percentage chance to go missing for a few days at a time?

Wands of either end. Standard magic wands except they have a 50% chance of firing in the opposite direction to where you targeted them.

EDIT: Seems like we had similar bags VVVV :smallsmile.

[boomwolf]

Keys of Nowhere these keys can be used to open any locked door as long there is nothing but empty space on the other side (not even air.)

Ring of Tune makes silly music.

Bag of Many Bags this ordinary-looking bag spits out any object put into it. however, you may reach in to the bag and once for day take out another Bag of Many Bags, a Bag of Many Bags spits out other Bags of Many Bags if you attempt to put them in, but not the ones that are created daily.

[MorkaisChosen]

Hmmm...

Personal Dis-Organiser (MkI, MkII or MkIII): This small box contains a bound Tiny outsider, and has several functions:

1. Handwriting Recognition: "Yep, that's handwriting.
2. Appointments Will tell you you have an appointment if you tell the imp earlier.

Any other ideas for that one?

[hippie_dwarf]

An Amulet of extra Amulet slot.

Magic Coin - When targeted by the spell Detect Magic or similar effect, this coin detects as magical. That is it's magical property.

[MorkaisChosen]

There's an item in Kingdom of Loathing like that amulet: an offhand item called the Fake Hand. Gives -1 Moxie (which is a combination of Cha and Dex, basically) and an extra off-hand slot.

[Flickerdart]

No, the hand takes off one damage as far as I remember, which is why stacks were used in the MP+ method.

[Pronounceable]

Scroll of Literacy: Grants the reader literacy when read.

Scroll of Cure Blindness: Cures blindness when read.

Scroll of Fireball: When crumpled into a ball, this scroll ignites.

Potion of Domination: Upon drinking this, the imbiber becomes dominated.

Armor of Avoidance: This enchanted chainmail+3 can't be hit. Any blow passes right through it and strikes the wearer instead.

Seven League Boots: Every step taken wearing these magical boots result in one foot seven leagues away from the other. However they don't protect their wearer from the groinal stress.

Vorpal Razor: Any cut inflicted with this razor while shaving is a vorpal hit.

Gloves of Fitting: These magical gloves fit anyone wearing them like a glove.

Cloak of Featherfall: This cloak casts featherfall on itself if it falls a distance of more than 10 feet. The spell can only slow the fall of the cloak.

Plate of Stone Skin: This fullplate+5 can, once per day, cast flesh to stone on its wearer. The effect is temporary, plate returns to normal in an hour.

Helm of Mirror Image: This helm allows its wearer to see his image on any mirror.

Potion of Undead Protection: Upon drinking this potion, imbiber becomes unable to harm the undead in any way.

[Flickerdart]

Potion of Polymorph*

Wallpaper of Explosive Runes

The ever-awesome Boots of Blinding Speed from Morrowind.

Amulet of Spell Resistance: resists the user's spells.

Dual scroll with both Stone to Flesh and Flesh to Stone inscribed on it, making it a Stone to Stone or Flesh to Flesh spell.

Same as above but for Mud to Stone.

*baleful edition

[streakster]

Bag of Endless Sand - Can produce 5 cubic feet of sand per turn. Functions only in deserts.

Staff of Eternity - cannot be moved, or harmed in any way. No magic or psionics or power of any sort can affect it in any way. It will never decay and will never rot.

Ring of Magician's Bane - The wear may never be harmed by the effects of Prestidigitation.

[Lord Ike]

clock of random time: The clock has a random time on it, DMs choice.