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  1. - Top - End - #661
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Asta Kask's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Ahhhh! My Internet-connection went dead for three days. The horror, the horror.

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    You're bisexual? Huh. Okay.
    She's True Neutral, she goes both ways...

    Congrats, Coffee! The good news is that it gets easier. The bad news is that it doesn't get much easier... and the strange thing about love is that you always believe the first is the last and the last is the first.

    Now, an evening when your parents and ESPECIALLY your little brother is out of the house (the dog can remain), you invite him over to watch a movie. A horror movie. Drag Me to Hell is a good choice. This gives you plenty of reasons to sit very close to him and hold him for comfort.

    Edit: Oh, and BTW, grats on the physics quiz! We'll make a physics-lover of you yet! You just need to read up on some of the more brain-bending physics, like Relativity and Quantum Mechanics.
    Last edited by Asta Kask; 2010-01-23 at 05:07 AM.
    Avatar by CoffeeIncluded

    Proud child of the Enlightenment

    Captain Kirk: [Listen], there are a million things in this universe you can have and there are a million things you can't have. It's no fun facing that but that's the way things are.

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  2. - Top - End - #662
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Griffon

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    A lot of good ideas. Zanaril suggested fanfiction as a plot device. Hmmm…Tsukiko writing bad self-insert fanfiction of her interpretation of undead, staring Xykon…has potential. Maybe, later.

    Sstoopidtallkid’s idea of Belkar x Roy BDSM intrigues me. I’ve got an idea for the beginning, but I’m not sure what to do next.

    ShinyDelusion appears to want “in a musical” as a plot device…of course she’s doing “Cats”.

    I’m looking forward to seeing Coffee’s “5-star protection” fic.

    Tsukiko x Crypt Thing is also one which is gnawing at me…

    But this one:


    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Hieronymus Grubwiggler + Hieronymus Grubwiggler
    Love/hate relationship + Adultery + Everyone is a furry version of themselves
    [/spoiler]


    Is just to reality warping for it not to be written. I think I’ve got the plot for my next multi-part work. Stay tuned for “A Twisted Tail”. (Sorry for the pun) Help! I’m drowning in plot bunnies. Well, more like plot kittens (because believe it or not baby rabbits are also kittens. So know you know. And knowing is half the battle. Hmmm…Vaarsuvius x G.I. Joe from strip 145…Aaaaaaah! Give me some time to write the others first, brain!)

    Incidentally, I’m curious as to how long the pun and plot took to become evident in “Maybe He’d Do This”.

    Once again, thank you for those who like my fics, though…The Odor…”classy” is an unusual complement to give a crack pairer. I mean, thanks…but I’m a bit confused.

  3. - Top - End - #663
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    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    Seriously? What tipped you off?

    And I don't know about you, but I had too much fun writing the 'glass in face' scene...
    She acknowledges that she's just a toy to Xykon, and then starts almost flirting with Reddy, trying to get a reaction out of him. And she keeps steering the conversation back to what she's going to do and what Reddy thinks of her.

    Then when he doesn't react to the bait the way she wants him to (by indicating he hates her or lusts after her or both): glass to the face.

    I asked, and he said that they'd prefer it if I didn't. I'm probably just going to move my 'base of story-writing' over to FF.net. Maybe we can start a forum there or something if Roland doesn't like where we're going here? It could be a good compromise.
    Seems like a good idea. I only just noticed that FF has a option for user-created forums...
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2010-01-22 at 12:32 PM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  4. - Top - End - #664
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    Asta Kask's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    What do you say to changing the thread title to "No, we're not gonna stoop to shipping"?
    Avatar by CoffeeIncluded

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    Captain Kirk: [Listen], there are a million things in this universe you can have and there are a million things you can't have. It's no fun facing that but that's the way things are.

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  5. - Top - End - #665
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded
    Hey, I live in Yankeeland!
    You poor girl. You have no clue how bad I feel for you. Unless you live in Wisconsin. Nathander loves the hell out of Wisconsin.

    Taekwondodo, I thought the IanXSnarl fanfic was adorable, in it's own odd way.

    Sereg, loved your little bits as usual.

    Water-Smurf, I regret to admit I haven't gotten to look through your newest works recently. I will soon, though, as you're easily the best writer here.

    EvilRoeSlade, nice first piece, and welcome to the madhouse.

    Finally, after a lot of delays and false starts to make sure everything sounded right, I have

    Orphans Chapter Five -

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    Miko awoke to the warmth of the late afternoon, her eyes squinting against the light pouring in from the window. She groaned as she stretched her arms, her drowsiness dispersing as she swung over to the edge of the bed and put her feet on the floor. She had trained herself to wake to full attention as soon as possible; who knew what might ambush her during the missions away from home.

    She looked around the room to find she was alone. Miko was shocked to find herself feeling a pang of loneliness, of wishing that Therkla was in the room with her. The only other creature she had ever found herself longing for the company of was Windstriker; to miss another, and one she had known for only a day, disoriented her. Miko tried reminding herself that despite the pleasant demeanor the half-orc wore, she had been a ninja in the employ of house Kubota, and had tried to take the lives of Hinjo and anyone who supported him. She couldn’t let her guard down around Therkla; couldn’t allow herself to trust the supposedly repentant assassin.

    Rising from her bed, Miko headed towards where her tree was. She squinted her eyes in curiosity as she approached the plant; something was different about it, though she couldn’t tell from a distance. Getting down on a knee beside the tree, she ran a hand across a branch in wonder. The tree which had been barren and that she had grown certain would soon die had begun to bud. They were small and fragile, but life and color was returning to it. A warm feeling swelled up in her as she looked at it, felt the small buds running across its branches.

    She gasped and twirled to face the door of the cabin as it swung open. Miko found herself irate at the fact that she had become so easy to surprise. But worse was the sensation of fear that so quickly followed on surprises’ heels. After not feeling the sensation for years, she could say that fear was a reaction she hadn’t missed.

    “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.” Therkla replied from the doorway, a jug of water in her hand. “Feeling better?” she asked, walking over to where the paladin was kneeling.

    “I am.” Miko responded. She attempted to keep the barriers of distrust she had begun to set up against the half-orc secure, and found that she couldn’t. There were simply too many holes in the fortification she was trying to build, and she was both angry and delighted that it was such a shoddy defense.

    Laying the jug in front of Miko, Therkla gave no response as she sat down beside the woman. Nudging the paladin slightly, she said, “You should drink something. You have to be thirsty, and the only water I’ve seen you with you’ve been giving to your plant.”

    Her distrust reeled as Miko took the jug in her hands, shouting at her to be careful, that the ninja could have poisoned it. For once, Miko paid it no heed; as far as she could tell, she was the last person who had the right to distrust another, and the story that Durkon and the bard had related to her showed that Therkla had done more to show she was repentant than she herself had. Miko let out a content sigh as the water hit her throat, and she took a long draught before placing the jug back down.

    Taking the jug up and taking a drink herself, Therkla stated, “So when do you plan to talk to Hinjo?”

    Miko felt like a weight had been placed in her stomach and then dropped. Even if she had come to the conclusion to seek atonement, she was dreading having to speak with Hinjo. “I don’t know.” She responded, pulling her legs close to her and wrapping her arms around them. “How can I even face him?”

    “Yeah, it’s awkward talking to someone you tried to kill.” Therkla murmured.

    “It is not only shame at speaking with someone who I attempted to kill.” Miko’s voice caught in her throat as she said, “With someone whose uncle I killed.” Her gaze became fixated on her palm. “There’s so much more blood on my hands than that.”

    “You can’t blame yourself for what happened at Azure City, if that’s what you’re still doing.” Therkla responded, offering the paladin the jug of water once again. “I’ve been over this with you; I don’t think the guard could’ve done any better than they did, with or without Shojo. There’s no point in blaming yourself for it.”

    “It isn’t the people of Azure City that I’m talking about.” Miko responded, taking the jug from the ninja. “What worries me is the sin I may have committed by all the lives I’ve taken on my journeys, all the beings I had been certain were evil and had slain.”

    “Yeah, but couldn’t you detect evil and all that?” Therkla asked as the paladin took a draught of water.

    “I could.” Miko put the jug back on the ground, gaze meeting Therkla’s. “But if the chance exists that I could be redeemed, what if some of those I slew in haste could have been redeemed as well? What if all of them could have been changed, could have been saved?”

    Miko watched as Therkla thought in silence for a moment. She noticed that when the half-orc became lost in thought, she would tap a finger against the tusk that jutted out to the right of her mouth. She wondered if the ninja even realized she did it, and Miko was surprised to find herself wanting to touch the woman’s tusk as well, if just out of curiosity. Finally, Therkla responded, “Honestly? I’ve never really understood the whole good and evil conflict.”

    Miko scoffed at the statement. “What is there to not understand”

    “For one, why fight each other?” Therkla responded, an open palm held out in front of her in curiosity. “I don’t get why you good and evil types have to go at each other all the time. It seems like you’re both more concerned with destroying each other than taking care of yourselves. Is it really that hard to just leave one another alone?”

    “If good did not counteract evil, then there would be no world.” Miko said. Despite trying to push it down, she couldn’t help herself from indulging in the indignation that came with the issue. “You cannot reason with evil; it’s all consuming. If allowed to grow, it would destroy everything one could survey.”

    “I doubt it.” Therkla’s response felt like a hammer blow to the chest for the paladin, and Miko felt her grip on her legs increase. “I mean, yeah, there are some evil characters like that, but that kind of thinking tends to be self-destructive. It’s really just the chaotic evil alignment. What about the evils you could reason with, like the lawful and neutral varieties?”

    “You cannot reason with evil.”

    “Well, maybe you could if the two of you stopped trying to slam swords into one another.”

    “And what would an assassin know about non-violence?” Miko hissed. “The entire point of your profession is to murder others under the orders of your superior. Your attempt to justify evil as reasonable is just an extension of your own guilt.”

    A small pang shot through Miko after she finished, and she found herself regretting her statement. She shuddered as Therkla turned away from her, and Miko fought the urge to grab the half-orc, to keep her from leaving her alone in the cabin. With a small swallow, she whispered, “I...I apologize. It would appear that I still cling to notions that I have no right to champion.”

    “No, it’s fine.” Therkla responded. “There’s some evil in me. But on the other hand, I think there’s some good in me too. I think that’s the way it is for everybody; no one is completely good or evil. I think if you don’t do both, you’ll go crazy. It’s great to do good, but I don’t think it’s wrong to indulge in some evil now and then.” She looked into her open palm, transfixed. “Though I wouldn’t say you need to be proud of the evil you do.”

    Miko thought for a moment before replying, “I am afraid that…I do not understand.” Her voice was small, like a child asking a parent for guidance. “A paladin is the embodiment of all that is good. Even the slightest bit of corruption in one’s soul could cause you to fall.” She gritted her teeth, not out of anger as much as trying to maintain control. “It would not have mattered if my crime had been simple theft. Once a paladin commits a crime, she falls. And since only I have fallen in recent memory, it is clear there are those who are pure good.”

    “Or that you were wrong. Evil comes in different doses; maybe the little sins everyone commits doesn’t cause a paladin to fall.”

    “What if the sins that do are unforgiveable?”

    “I don’t think there’s such a thing as an unforgiveable sin.” Therkla responded. Miko felt an odd sense of warmth from the ninja’s gaze, though she couldn’t discern why. “And if there is, I don’t think what you did was one.”

    “Maybe.” Miko replied, her gaze drifting from the half-orcs eyes to the floor. Clenching a fist, she said, “At the same time, I’m not certain.” She gave a weak smile as she finished, “I’ve never been indecisive until recently. I suppose it’s a little late to have learned that.”

    A small shudder ran through Miko’s spine as Therkla gave a small laugh, and she was surprised to find her smile growing a bit stronger. “Better late than never, I suppose.” Therkla responded, placing a hand on the paladin’s shoulder.

    Miko was shocked at the half-orc’s touch. She had always thought the creatures’ skin would have a fair rougher texture, and the smoothness of Therkla’s hand took her off guard. She bowed her head again as she felt heat coming to her cheeks. “Yet I can’t help but believe that I’ve perceived the truth of the matter far too late.” Her voice was weak, not from shame but embarrassment and her inability to shake off how nice the half-orc’s touch felt. Her voice grew in strength as she continued, “I’m terrified that when I ask for forgiveness, I’ll be told no.” Turning her head to hold Therkla’s gaze, Miko finished,
    “I’d always thought the worst thing that could happen to me was to feel pain. I realize now just how much worse the sensation of fear is.”

    “Just now?” Therkla asked, raising an eyebrow. “How is that even possible? Everyone feels fear.”

    “Paladins do not. We are gifted with courage by the Twelve Gods.” Thinking for a moment, Miko finished, “I suppose, then, I never knew true courage. Perhaps, in the end, I’m merely a coward. Perhaps that’s why I’m trying so hard to run.”

    “You don’t give yourself enough credit.” Nudging the woman, Therkla added with a small wink, “Bet you never thought you’d hear that, huh?” Miko couldn’t help but smile a bit more at the woman’s words, despite trying to fight the urge to do so. “But seriously, I’d think that at least some of the courage you showed was your own. You just need to reassert it.”

    “How?”

    Therkla shrugged her shoulders as she stood up. “That’s for you to find out, really.” She extended her hand to Miko. “But I think asking to atone is a start.”

    Miko took the half-orc’s hand, and was sickened to find that she needed the help in order to stand back up. She would have to get back in better shape if she hoped to complete whatever quest she might be sent on in order to atone. She would go and tell Hinjo of her decision to do so now, in order to take advantage of the small bit of courage she currently possessed. It took her a moment to process that Therkla was saying something. Looking up at the half-orc, Miko’s expression faltered into a small frown as she saw the discomfort on the ninja’s face. “Therkla?” she asked, attempting to keep concern from edging into her voice. “Is something wrong?”

    “No.” Therkla responded, and Miko noticed to her surprise that a bit of color had come to the half-orc’s face. “But, uh, you can let go of my hand now.”

    Slowly, Miko looked down to see that she had continued to grasp the ninja’s hand. Letting it go, the two women drew their hands back to themselves, silence permeating the room. After massaging her hand in embarrassment, Miko asked, “Will you come with me?”

    “What?” Therkla responded, the area of her cheeks turning a darker shade of green.

    “Come with me.” Miko repeated. “To see Hinjo.”

    “Are you sure you want others present?” Therkla asked, her voice growing oddly small. “I mean, wouldn’t that be a kind of private matter?”

    “I need to see Hinjo while I can still muster some courage.” Miko said, eyes never drifting from Therkla’s. “And I need whatever support I can get.” It felt odd, to ask for help, and yet she felt relief at asking for it as well.

    Therkla stood there in silence, and Miko feared that her request would be denied. She contained a sigh of relief as the half-orc replied, “Alright, Miko. I’ll come with you.”

    Side by side, the two women headed out on the dock to find the young lord of Azure City. Miko recoiled as she opened the door to the cabin, the sunlight coming in nearly blinding. The few times she had gone out on deck, she had done so only after darkness had fallen. The only sunlight she had seen for the last three months had been through the curtains of the window in her room.

    Miko stiffened as Therkla put a hand on Miko’s back. “Careful there.” Therkla said playfully. “Gotten too used to low-light vision, huh?”

    “I will be fine.” Miko responded, taking a step out onto the deck. Even through her blurry vision, she thought she could see that several of the dockhands and people aboard had stopped what they were doing to observe the recluse who had set foot out on deck after so long. To stare at the convict as she prepared to beg.

    Run back into your hole a small girl’s voice echoed in the depths of Miko’s mind Hide and don’t come back you sinner you fool you murderer

    No.

    Miko gritted her teeth as she made her way on deck, Therkla helping to guide her until her eyes adjusted to the light. She kept her gaze straight ahead to look out for Hinjo, not avoiding the gaze of the others on deck, but not attempting to meet them either.

    She let out a sigh of relief, and yet tensed, as she spotted the man beside the edge of the ship. He was talking with Lien, the only other paladin to have survived the battle of the city. From what she could tell, the two were talking about how to contact the hundreds of paladins that had been abroad during the battle, to see who still lived and hadn’t yet tried to gain contact with the city again.

    Miko stepped forward slowly. She stopped for a second when Hinjo and Lien’s gazes fell on her, but then continued until she was only a few feet away from Hinjo before falling into a bow. “May this one speak with you, my lord?” Miko’s voice gained the formal tone it had possessed for so many years, even if she didn’t feel like it.

    “You may, Miko Miyazaki.” Hinjo replied. His tone was friendly, though he stumbled slightly in speaking, unaccustomed to talking formally to begin with, and even more so when being addressed as the lord of Azure City.

    Miko broke her bow as she spoke. “My lord, this one acknowledges her crimes…” she found herself unable to keep her gaze directed at Hinjo. The man’s expression was one of sincere concern and compassion, and Miko turned her gaze to Lien. “…and she wishes, lord that…” she found the pity that Lien looked upon her with no better than Hinjo’s compassion, and Miko dropped her gaze to the deck as she finished, “…that you know she apologizes for the crimes she has committed, and wishes to atone.”

    Miko sucked in a short breath as she felt Hinjo put his hands on her shoulders. “Look at me, Miko.” Hinjo asked, and Miko lifted her head to look at her master. Her body shuddered slightly, confounded by the compassion the man seemed capable of for her. “I forgive you, Miko Miyazaki, and accept your desire to atone.”

    Don’t deserve it the child inside chided her Don’t deserve it at all never ever deserve it

    I know.

    Despite her attempt to fight it back, Miko felt a tear roll down her cheek. Her voice had become a croak as she asked, “I don’t understand. How can you forgive me so easily? How can you not wish to punish me?” Miko felt someone take her hand, and by the smoothness of the touch, she knew it was Therkla. She clasped it, grateful.

    Wiping away the tear, Hinjo replied, “Because I can tell you’re sincere, Miko.” He smiled slightly at her, “And you’ve punished yourself for the last three months in ways I don’t think I could have come up with, and vengeance wouldn’t solve anything. Forgiving you doesn’t mean I don’t still feel anger, or that what you did doesn’t hurt. But it does mean I can understand, and that I want to give you the chance for redemption.”

    “I thank you, my master.” Miko said, bowing once more to the paladin as he moved back to his previous position.

    “I’ll have to speak with the magistrate so we can prepare for it, as well as decide an appropriate task for you to complete in order to atone.” Hinjo stated. Smiling a bit, he asked, “Of course, I’m betting you know the basics about our traditions for atonement.”

    “Certainly, my lord.” Miko replied, and out of habit she began to recite the code and formalities of the matter. “A paladin of the Sapphire Guard who wishes to atone will be monitored through scrying during their quest, and subjected to testing to verify they had found no way to deceive the scrying via both magical and mundane means. A repentant receives no equipment aside from a set of mundane armor and weapons, as well as a weeks’ worth of field rations. The paladin receives no money or magic items aside from what he or she might receive from the generosity of those they might meet on their quest.”

    “That’s insane.” Therkla cut in, and Miko blushed slightly as the half-orc’s grasp on her hand tightened.

    “Therkla…” Miko began.

    “Considering how high level she is, and the severity of her crime, you’re going to send her on a high-level quest.” Therkla continued. “Which means she’s going to end up encountering creatures that have damage reduction. How the hell is she supposed to survive fights with them alone and without magic items?”

    “If the paladin is truly repentant, she will make enough of an impression on those she meets to receive aid.” Lien replied. Miko was struck by Lien’s tone. Despite having little contact with her, she knew the blue-haired paladin to be capable of keeping a level head, and the hatred and distrust that seemed to brew under her voice towards Therkla took Miko off guard.

    “Lien…” Hinjo interjected.

    “Yeah, because everyone out there is just so swell, huh?” Therkla responded. Miko’s body shuddered slightly as she felt the half-orc brush against her as she came closer to her. Miko could feel Therkla’s hair sway against her shoulder.

    “You have a cynical view of others, assassin.” Lien responded coolly. “I guess you should expect that from someone who’d kill others from the shadows for pay or personal benefit.”

    “At least I don’t hide the fact I’m killing them by sending them out to die alone.”

    The silence that surrounded the four of them seemed to stop time itself. It broke as Lien, shaking her head in disgust, began to approach Therkla saying, “Don’t act as if you understand our ways. Someone who’d condemn others to death from behind a puppet hardly has that right.”

    Miko could feel Therkla’s grasp, and body, tense. Without thought, Miko found herself stepping in front of the half-orc, attempting to block the path between the ninja and the paladin.

    “Lien.” Hinjo said, his voice strong but not judgmental.

    Lien stopped where she was. Taking a breath, she headed back to her position beside Hinjo. Turning her gaze back to Therkla, she said bluntly, “I let myself get out of hand. I apologize.”

    “Same here.” Therkla responded, and she relieved her grasp on Miko’s hand slightly. Silence once again fell over them, before Therkla broke it once more. “Let me go with her.”

    Miko’s head snapped to her side to look at the half-orc. Lien prepared to interject, to oppose the notion, and then stopped herself before she could overstep her bounds. “A repentant can accept the aid of anyone who wishes to help them.” Hinjo replied. “Of course, whether or not the help is accepted is up to the repentant.”

    Therkla looked to Miko, their eyes meeting. Miko felt warmth rising, both inside her and to her face, before she turned back to Hinjo and said, “I accept.”

    A small smile crossing his face, Hinjo nodded before saying, “Then yes, Therkla, you may go with Miko.” He laid his hands out in front of him in a show of helplessness as he said, “Realize, though, that considering your current position, you’ll be under surveillance as well. Is that acceptable?”

    “It is.” Therkla bowed slightly to the paladin. She thought for a minute before saying, “Thank you.”

    Hinjo nodded in the direction of the two women before looking out over the ocean again, returning to his own thoughts. As they walked towards their cabin, Miko turned to the half-orc and asked, “Why?”

    Therkla shrugged. “Why not?” she replied. “We’re friends, after all.”

    “Friends?” Miko let her tongue roll around the word. In her life, she had only ever had one friend. To think that she might have another was incomprehensible to her. “But we’ve only known each other for two days.”

    Smiling at the paladin, Therkla responded, “You know, there’s only one friend I have that I’ve known for longer than that. For me, two days is enough to call you friend.”

    Miko was silent for a moment before responding, “Thank you, Therkla.”

    Neither woman noticed that they remained hand in hand as they walked to their room.


    All in all, I was pleased with how this chapter turned out. There is one thing that bothers me though.

    Spoiler
    Show
    That would be my characterization of Lien. I wanted to show that, due to Therkla's previous willingness to leave Lien, Durkon, and Daigo to die with the orcs, that Lien clearly distrusted her and was wary about any of her actions. The thing is, I wanted it to come off more as "I distrust you because you would leave innocents to die" rather than "I distrust you because you left me to die", because the Lien seems like she'd canonically be more like the former statement than the latter. So tell me truthfully; did I make her too bitchy?


    As always, comments/criticisms/thoughts are always appreciated!
    Assistant Executioneer of the Fanclub

    Grunt Spearman of the Fanclub

  6. - Top - End - #666
    Titan in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Asta Kask View Post
    Now, an evening when your parents and ESPECIALLY your little brother is out of the house (the dog can remain), you invite him over to watch a movie. A horror movie. Drag Me to Hell is a good choice. This gives you plenty of reasons to sit very close to him and hold him for comfort.
    That wouldn't work; the dog would try to intervene.

    You poor girl. You have no clue how bad I feel for you. Unless you live in Wisconsin. Nathander loves the hell out of Wisconsin.
    Hey!

    I liked your fic though. This will be interesting.
    Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2010-01-22 at 03:01 PM.

  7. - Top - End - #667
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    ClericGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    I've never really been good at keeping to censors. No wonder! Look at how much they change! But I think that I'd prefer to pull out of the forum than to screw things up for the mods or the Giant. If I were them, I'd be pretty annoyed if someone was going against the rules and scaring the possible kids who stumbled on it. It's their playground, their rules, and if I can't abide, I should take my stuff elsewhere. I'll just post on FF.net. It has it's own alert system so anyone who wants to follow can sign up and be emailed when I update, so no linking or mentioning or what have you will turn up here.

    I don't want to step on anyone's toes, especially in their own place.
    Don't leave us Water-Smurf! We LOVE your work. (Yes, that kind of love )

    And if you leave, what will I do with the shrine I've dedicated to you that I'm almost done building.

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    That wouldn't work; the dog would try to intervene.
    Hmm...mabey it's because the dog was trained to "pervent the kids from snuggling."
    Your local Cleric.

    Cleric of the Murphy's Law Thread
    (yes, that is possible)

    "Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

  8. - Top - End - #668
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Nathander View Post
    You poor girl. You have no clue how bad I feel for you. Unless you live in Wisconsin. Nathander loves the hell out of Wisconsin.
    Pfft. Wisconsin just wishes it could be Minnesota. And nice fic. I'm really enjoying it.

    And congrats, Coffee! I say since October is an acceptable amount of time to like someone without telling them. It took me two years, and when I finally worked up the nerve, I found out he'd left five minutes earlier. D'oh.

    ...And that is how I met your father.

  9. - Top - End - #669
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Nathander: Very well done as usual, enjoyed it thoroughly. A few minor nitpicks, though.

    First, as much as it was a sweet moment when Miko realized how soft Therkla's hands were, they probably wouldn't actually be soft. Not because she's a half orc, but because she spends most of her time holding weapons, pulling herself up over walls, climbing, etc. Her profession is really hard on her hands (and the rest of her!), but on the other hand (ha! a pun!), magical healing may remove scars and other blemishes, which is usually how I run it in campaigns. Judging by how O-Chul looks, it doesn't seem to work that way in the OotSverse, though.

    Second, just a formatting issue. The little girl voice in Miko's head is a bit confusing to read. Personally, I think it'd look a little cleaner if the things it was saying were in italics, while everything else wasn't. example:

    Run back into your hole, a small girl’s voice echoed in the depths of Miko’s mind. Hide and don’t come back you sinner you fool you murderer

    Although, looking at it again with what seems to be an intentional lack of punctuation, maybe this is just a stylistic choice on your part. It still makes it a bit harder to read, though.

    Meh, just minor complaints. I think it's way better than my attempts to make Miko likable, which means I'll probably drop that fic for now in favor of finishing It All Started With A Kiss.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    And here we have my newest work.

    Spoiler
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    The ABD was flying over a forest looking for her next victim.

    She had been having those urges again the last few days, so here she was looking to satisfy them.
    And look at that, it seemed she had found quite the catch.

    ---

    The Linear Guild were camping in the forest.

    Due to a lack of firewood Nale had sent out Thog to get some.

    "Thog get firewood for Nale. Thog make Nale happy Nale!" Thog spoke to himself as the began chopping down a old and very dead looking tree.

    He didn't get very far before a shadow descended on him however, and when looking up he found his sight blocked by a enourmous Black Dragon.

    He didn't have time to react before the dragon uttered "Dominate Person"

    ---

    "Where is he anyway? It's been hours!" Nale complained, irritated at Thog's absence.

    "Maybe we should look for him?" Sabine suggested "That moron might have gotten lost or something"

    And so it was that the two of them went looking for Thog

    ---

    The ABD got up.

    Now that her urges were "Satisfied" she had no reason to be here anymore.

    "Greater Teleport" She said, leaving a very traumatized and very naked Thog on the ground.

    Moments later Nale and Sabine arrived at the scene.

    "What in the world happened here? THOG!" Nale shouted.

    "Mean dragon girl give Thog cooties!" Thog wailed.

    "Dragon...?" Nale said.

    Sabine just smirked.

    "Thog not feeling so good"



    ...Comments?

  11. - Top - End - #671
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    You're bisexual? Huh. Okay.
    I'm closer on the 'straight' side of the spectrum, but I don't turn girls down.

    *Sigh* If you really want to. But some of us (Including me) don't have FF accounts.
    I suggest getting one. The signing up is easy, and then you can post your stories up there. The OotS section is a little barren. And that way, you can track the stories you like.

    It may be for the best, but how about trying to see if you can stick within the rules first too.

    And in any case, oftentimes allusion and implication can be so much creepier and squick-inducing than saying it outright.
    I speak from experience when I say that I don't do well with censors. I'm going to keep pushing the line, whether I mean to or not, and my sense of politeness dictates that I shouldn't do that if the people who run the place ask me to stop. It's their playground, and the Internet is vast--the OotS forum isn't the only forum that I can post my stories. I chafe under censors, there are kids running around here, and I've been asked to keep it PG-13. If I can't do that, the only polite thing to do is to sweep all my stuff over to FF.

    And I don't want to try staying firmly in 'completely family-friendly' zone because I've noticed that I'm already on the verge of a breakdown, so I don't want to encourage it.

    Besides, it's not like I'm leaving the playground. I'm just moving my writing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Roland St. Jude View Post
    That seems like an elegant solution to me.
    Alrighty, I'll do that then.

    Quote Originally Posted by Taekwondodo View Post
    No, it was just very sweet but didn't go too far. Kind of emphasised Deirdre's madness and how, deep down, there was still some of Tia left.
    I was really hoping someone would mention that! :D

    Spoiler
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    My feeling is that, somewhere along the family tree (probably on V's side, or Redcloak would have thought to diagnose it) someone had a mental illness, probably in the schizophrenia family, which made her susceptible to it. So all of the stress she went through, plus her knack for divination/necromancy even as a small child, starts her down a bad path. If she had meds, she would still be insecure and suspicious (and have difficulty with intimacy and relationships), but she'd be capable of understanding the difference between reality and delusion.

    Her illness is something that she can usually hide--someone who doesn't know her well wouldn't see it--but it has a huge hold on her. She has a crippling amount of paranoia, she hallucinates (in all five senses), she has a hard time controlling her anger, and she's just flat-out psychotic. But she's able to put on a sane but amoral mask to hide it, so much to the point that not even her own father, who happens to be a cleric and should know about these things, notices it in time. He only witnessed one or two of her frequent psychotic breaks, and each time, he thought it was temporary and circumstantial because she seemed absolutely fine afterwards and they were very far from each other.

    It's possible that Tiasal would have eventually started getting sick even if Xykon hadn't been involved, but his rolling of the ball, Right-Eye's betrayal, the notion that people were incapable of loving her because of her mesh of species (even her own parents), all compounded, finally pushed over the edge by Leaves, Swift, and Turtle's attempt on her life. Deirdre became a separate entity from Tiasal entirely. She depersonalized herself in a way that, when Redcloak said that he was talking to his daughter, Deirdre herself was able to recognize that he was wrong. Sure, he was talking to the body of his daughter, but the mind had been taken over by the fury, pain, and illness a long time ago without him knowing. She was a creature of pure crazy, with the added bonus of having a god-killing abomination infused in her blood.

    The Tiasal hallucination is her mind's way of letting that little strand of sanity show. Tiasal is what Deirdre would be if Xykon had allowed her to go on meds--insecure about being loved, suspicious, and pained but loving, forgiving, and ready to atone for what she had done. But Deirdre sees no reason to atone, refuses to forgive, and is obsessed with showing everyone that she can hate just as much as they can.

    Xykon is perfectly aware that she is in the serious realms of crazy, and he had had an active part in keeping Redcloak from figuring it out, coaching her to be able to hide the insanity until a point where her father can't do anything. If she weren't crazy, she would recognize how much Redcloak loves her, even after everything she has done, and she would stop working for Xykon. If she is crazy, she'll cling to him. He doesn't care what it does to her, her family, or to Redcloak--he's going to let her go on without seeing a professional or getting the help she desperately needs.

    But he's also aware that she's very difficult to control this way. Sure, she's capable of acting reasonable and she's capable of logical thought, but she's governed by her paranoid delusions. He can't control her delusions, only direct them. (He did a good job of directing them on her father and family.) But if he makes a mistake, then the delusions are going to be aimed on him and the one other sorceress with the power of the Snarl will suddenly be out for his marrow. Believe me, he will find a way to control her.


    On a related note crack pairings had invaded my dreams! Dreamed about cross between "Dumped on the Rooster" and "Of All the Ways to Lose Someone" (hmm... both W-S fics). Deidre was at the assembly and recognises Redcloak (dunno how she got there). She panics, wonders if she really killed him and so goes after him to kill him. Felt like a good story at the time and I actually dreamed I had woken up and wrote the idea down. Then actually woke up and said "Did I just dream I wrote that? Crap."

    Tell me, is that a bad sign?
    Cool! I'm invading people's dreams!

    Don't worry. I'm sure there's a room in the nut house next to Deirdre. We can share it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    She acknowledges that she's just a toy to Xykon, and then starts almost flirting with Reddy, trying to get a reaction out of him. And she keeps steering the conversation back to what she's going to do and what Reddy thinks of her.

    Then when he doesn't react to the bait the way she wants him to (by indicating he hates her or lusts after her or both): glass to the face.
    Character/psychology rant ahoy!

    Spoiler
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    If he hadn't reacted the way she wanted him to, she would have been annoyed, but not enough to attack him or even to get sharp. It was the fact that he had the gall to try to 'trick' her into thinking that he loved her that got her furious. Her dislike of being lied to as a child has warped into something uncontrollable--she gets really violent if she thinks that anyone is trying to fool her into thinking they love her. The only reason she controlled herself when her cousins and brothers said it was because she knew that she would be killing them soon. She knew they wouldn't really negotiate.

    And it's actually not completely a product of the crazy that she commented on how Redcloak looked at her. If they had spent time together when he had been brought back to life, the Westermarck effect would have been much stronger, but Xykon didn't allow that and, as it stands, Redcloak is able to appreciate her body in a way that makes him very uncomfortable, though its nowhere near the point where he fantasizes or considers incest or something. His feelings are still mainly platonic, and besides, he hasn't had a strong interest in sex since Vaarsuvius was murdered. Deirdre's powers of observation told her how her overtly sexualized image and clothes affected him, and her warped perception cranked it up to a hundred. She is convinced that her own father hates her but wants to have sex with her, and that feeling alone makes her whole mindset worse. She associates sex with Master and, therefore, with control. If someone dominates her in bed, that means that she has to do what they tell her to. Deirdre's paranoia convinces her that, because she is getting so powerful and beautiful, her father will, given enough time and opportunity, force himself on her to assert that he still has authority. So she has to assert her authority first.

    ...Yeah, she's a very, very sick woman. And Xykon is aware of this mindset and willing to take full advantage.


    Seems like a good idea. I only just noticed that FF has a option for user-created forums...
    It could be easier. That way, we wouldn't have to be worried about kids stumbling on us. (Or at least not as much...) And it offers a format more designed for writing and the discussion of writing, though I'm not sure how the visual artwork would be displayed... maybe a connected community on DeviantArt? That way, we wouldn't have to worry about stepping over the line and the mods wouldn't have to worry about keeping an eye on us.

    Just an idea to throw out there.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nathander View Post
    Water-Smurf, I regret to admit I haven't gotten to look through your newest works recently. I will soon, though, as you're easily the best writer here.
    Thanks. Don't worry; my story's not going anywhere. Or, at least the one you're talking about.

    Quote Originally Posted by Aaron View Post
    Don't leave us Water-Smurf! We LOVE your work. (Yes, that kind of love )

    And if you leave, what will I do with the shrine I've dedicated to you that I'm almost done building.
    Come with me! To FF.net!

    Or you could just sign up and get email alerts when I update. That works too. Besides, it's only my writing that's moving. If you guys don't want to start a forum on FF, I'm still going to be talking here, but probably not as much, since it would be in poor taste to discuss my own work when I specifically moved it so the forum wouldn't have to worry about possible censor-slippage.


    Actually, the only downside to moving my stuff to FF is that I worry if I'll be able to stay motivated if I do or not. Part of the reason that I was able to keep it up here was because I always had encouragement, comments, and support to help me. When I don't have that sort of environment, I usually go through 'bad self-esteem' fits, stop writing that particular story for a while, then abandon it. I'm a little worried that it will happen with this.
    Last edited by Water-Smurf; 2010-01-22 at 06:23 PM.

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    The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story


    Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.

  12. - Top - End - #672
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    I speak from experience when I say that I don't do well with censors. I'm going to keep pushing the line, whether I mean to or not, and my sense of politeness dictates that I shouldn't do that if the people who run the place ask me to stop. It's their playground, and the Internet is vast--the OotS forum isn't the only forum that I can post my stories. I chafe under censors, there are kids running around here, and I've been asked to keep it PG-13. If I can't do that, the only polite thing to do is to sweep all my stuff over to FF.

    And I don't want to try staying firmly in 'completely family-friendly' zone because I've noticed that I'm already on the verge of a breakdown, so I don't want to encourage it.
    ...Okay then. But if it looks like a specific chapter would be fine here, I'll tell you, okay?

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    Actually, the only downside to moving my stuff to FF is that I worry if I'll be able to stay motivated if I do or not. Part of the reason that I was able to keep it up here was because I always had encouragement, comments, and support to help me. When I don't have that sort of environment, I usually go through 'bad self-esteem' fits, stop writing that particular story for a while, then abandon it. I'm a little worried that it will happen with this.
    It's still a crack pairing and this is still the crack pairing thread.

  13. - Top - End - #673
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    ...Okay then. But if it looks like a specific chapter would be fine here, I'll tell you, okay?



    It's still a crack pairing and this is still the crack pairing thread.
    And we can still draw pg-13 fan-fanart. (That's fanart of fanfiction )
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  14. - Top - End - #674
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    Cool! I'm invading people's dreams!

    Don't worry. I'm sure there's a room in the nut house next to Deirdre. We can share it.
    Are you sure you want to be in the nut house?!? Have you seen what Deirdre writes on the walls?

    Though invading people's dreams sounds fun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    Come with me! To FF.net!

    Or you could just sign up and get email alerts when I update. That works too. Besides, it's only my writing that's moving. If you guys don't want to start a forum on FF, I'm still going to be talking here, but probably not as much, since it would be in poor taste to discuss my own work when I specifically moved it so the forum wouldn't have to worry about possible censor-slippage.


    Actually, the only downside to moving my stuff to FF is that I worry if I'll be able to stay motivated if I do or not. Part of the reason that I was able to keep it up here was because I always had encouragement, comments, and support to help me. When I don't have that sort of environment, I usually go through 'bad self-esteem' fits, stop writing that particular story for a while, then abandon it. I'm a little worried that it will happen with this.
    What you could do is post your work on FF, like you said, and then post your PG-13 friendly stories here as well. That way, you're still contributing to this thread. I mean, look at how many stories you have made on the index.
    Your local Cleric.

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    (yes, that is possible)

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  15. - Top - End - #675
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Nathander View Post
    EvilRoeSlade, nice first piece, and welcome to the madhouse.
    Let me tell you that it was your Orphans stories that kept me coming back to this thread, well done.

    You know, I just realized that despite being presumably sexually active, Lien has no canonical pairing. This requires further contemplation.
    Avatar by Dirtytabs - Much gratitude

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Hi guys. I pretty much forgot about this thread (sorrrryyy) and only saw the warning by Roland. Anythin' I should know from Page 2 to now?
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    Avatar by KwarkPudding!

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Wow. Just... wow.

    Woooooow....

    I just spent the last hour reading this thread, starting at page 10 where I left off...

    Again... Woooooowwwww......


    Okay... Let me try to... find words...


    Um... Right. So. I'm still here. And I'm still willing to write regular crack fics. Within the rules, of course. I forgot most of my ideas, though... I do recall Celia x Thog, and of course, V x Cain.

    Anybody got anything they'd like to see me take a crack at? If only to get this thread back on track and make things less awkward?



    Edit: I made a hot pocket over an hour ago, right before I started reading this thread. I just rediscovered its existance... XD
    Last edited by Lycan 01; 2010-01-23 at 02:24 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by SilverClawShift View Post
    Wizard: Ug. God. Allright. What do you want us to do?
    Me: Burn for me.
    Wizard: ...what?
    Me: I activate the fire ability. "BURN FOR ME!!!!!!"
    Lycanthrope avatar by me!

  18. - Top - End - #678
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Lycan 01 View Post
    Anybody got anything they'd like to see me take a crack at? If only to get this thread back on track and make things less awkward?



    Edit: I made a hot pocket over an hour ago, right before I started reading this thread. I just rediscovered its existance... XD
    The Eye of Fear and Flame has a hot pocket just waiting for Tsukiko to discover. XD

    Alternatively, Sabine/Crystal while a tied-up Haley watches.
    Spoiler
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    and enjoys it
    [/sarcasm]
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Okaaaaay... Lets try the first one...



    The Eye of Fear and Flame x Tsukiko x Hot Pocket
    Spoiler
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    While exploring Team Evil's kitchen, Tsukiko opened up the microwave to see if it was clean. To her surprise, there was a hot pocket already in there. Touching it with the back of her hand, she found it to be lukewarm, and assumed it had been forsaken by its chef. Judging from the heat, it'd been there long enough to cool down for the most part, but still stay deliciously warm.

    Narrowing her eyes, Tsukiko glanced around the room. 'No one around...' she thought to herself. 'Its mine for the taking.' With deft hands, she plucked the microwavable meal from the microwave and began to munch on it. "Mm... Barbeque chicken..." she mused through a mouth full of BBQ goodness.

    Meanwhile, hiding in a nearby cabinet, the Eye of Fear and Flame sat watching through the slightly ajar door. "Oh yeah..." the skull murmered to itself, "You devour that hot pocket..."


    I don't know what's stranger. The fact that I actually tried that, or the fact that it worked...


    Now, pairing suggestion number 2...

    ...

    Okay, I'm afraid I can't come up with anything for that. At least, anything allowed on this site...


    Edit: Hot Pocket is now an official crack pairing character/mechanic. In my literary abominations, at least.
    Last edited by Lycan 01; 2010-01-23 at 02:43 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by SilverClawShift View Post
    Wizard: Ug. God. Allright. What do you want us to do?
    Me: Burn for me.
    Wizard: ...what?
    Me: I activate the fire ability. "BURN FOR ME!!!!!!"
    Lycanthrope avatar by me!

  20. - Top - End - #680
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    Quote Originally Posted by Closak View Post
    And here we have my newest work.

    Spoiler
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    The ABD was flying over a forest looking for her next victim.

    She had been having those urges again the last few days, so here she was looking to satisfy them.
    And look at that, it seemed she had found quite the catch.

    ---

    The Linear Guild were camping in the forest.

    Due to a lack of firewood Nale had sent out Thog to get some.

    "Thog get firewood for Nale. Thog make Nale happy Nale!" Thog spoke to himself as the began chopping down a old and very dead looking tree.

    He didn't get very far before a shadow descended on him however, and when looking up he found his sight blocked by a enourmous Black Dragon.

    He didn't have time to react before the dragon uttered "Dominate Person"

    ---

    "Where is he anyway? It's been hours!" Nale complained, irritated at Thog's absence.

    "Maybe we should look for him?" Sabine suggested "That moron might have gotten lost or something"

    And so it was that the two of them went looking for Thog

    ---

    The ABD got up.

    Now that her urges were "Satisfied" she had no reason to be here anymore.

    "Greater Teleport" She said, leaving a very traumatized and very naked Thog on the ground.

    Moments later Nale and Sabine arrived at the scene.

    "What in the world happened here? THOG!" Nale shouted.

    "Mean dragon girl give Thog cooties!" Thog wailed.

    "Dragon...?" Nale said.

    Sabine just smirked.

    "Thog not feeling so good"



    ...Comments?
    Looking back at it, i think i could have done a far better job.
    But hey, i'm a noob when it comes to writing stories.
    Doesn't help when i never get any constructive criticism


    Ah well, been a while since i saw you last time Lycan 01

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Lycan 01 View Post
    and of course, V x Cain.
    I knew something was missing from my life!
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  22. - Top - End - #682
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Lycan 01 View Post
    and of course, V x Cain.
    V/Cain! V/Cain!

  23. - Top - End - #683
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    What Cain would this be?
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  24. - Top - End - #684
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    @Nathander Thanks for the compliment, I enjoyed your latest chapter as well. Don’t worry about Lien, while she came off as a little harsh, that harshness is understandable.

    @Closak It was funny, you made me smile.

    @Lycan 01 I’m…not sure what a hot pocket is (though I get the basic idea). Still a fun fic though.

    Alright. This morning I got another idea that I just had to write. Technically, this kind of thing has already been done by Mariel Dragon but this went in a different direction, though I will admit that I got inspiration from the same source. Warning: This is exactly what it says on the tin:

    Mary Sue’s Adventure with the Oots:

    Spoiler
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    I am Mary Sue, the newest member of The Order of the Stick. Roy asked me to join when he saw how beautiful and talented I was. I agreed because I could see that they needed my help. We had arrived at Serrini’s Gate when the IFCC had taken over Vaarsuvius’ soul! Vaarsuvius became very powerful and was going to kill us but my purity meant that I was immune to his evil magic and I walked over and kissed him, which returned him to normal. He was so grateful that he cried and then I comforted him and we slept together. I don’t know how anyone can think that he is a girl.

    Belkar was very angry with Vaarsuvius and wanted to kill him but I taught him the importance of forgiveness and we did it which converted him to good which is a loophole in the prophecy so he didn’t have to die anymore.

    There were trees guarding the gate so Durkon got scared but I showed him that there was nothing to be afraid of by climbing up a tree and pulling him up and then doing it in the tree but I’m not promiscuous.

    I also showed Haley that stealing was wrong and how to make enough money to pay her father’s ransom and still have money to give to charity. (I could have rescued her father myself, but it would be wrong to leave debts unsettled.) She said, “Thank you Mary for showing me the error of my ways. You would be a much better girlfriend for Elan than I ever was!” I was to, because under my passionate and compassionate guidance, he was able to become intelligent and earned a Phd.

    We were about to arrive at the gate but Xykon, Tsukiko and Redcloak were already there! “Oh no!” said Roy, “I am not powerful enough to defeat them!”
    “I can give you the confidence to beat them.” I said and I spent the night with him because that Celia was a coward who didn’t deserve him. “I feel amazing!” he said. Then he ran over and destroyed Xykon and his Fylacktree. “How could I have sided with someone so evil?” asked Redcloak and he went home to make peace with the humans. “Noooooo!” cried Tsukiko and she killed herself with a steak. The Monster in the darkness could see that I was a being of goodness like his friend O-Chul so he didn’t attack us. But then the Snarl came!!!!!!!

    Luckily I convinced the Snarl that unmaking was bad and he restored everyone that he unmade and everyone lived happily ever after.


    Alright my promised part one of “A Twisted Tail”:

    Spoiler
    Show
    Hieronymus Grubwiggler had many projects on which he worked. He was nearing the final stages of a couple of them. He grinned as he injected himself with his latest formula. If this worked, he would gain the speed, agility, stamina and strength of a wild animal.

    The process was painful and had some aesthetic side effects, but overall he decided that he was pleased with the results as he looked into the mirror. His eyes had become yellow with cat-like pupils. His ears were now pointed and higher on his head, giving a fox-like impression. His nose was longer with a wet, black tip. He had grown a long tail and finally, his body was covered in brown fur. Hopefully his wife wouldn’t mind. Speaking of which, the experiment had awoken a primal, animalistic hunger in him. He needed to get home fast. “Giro,” he called, “I’m leaving early today!”

    His wife had been surprised, but she had come to accept the results of his experiments and he wasn’t exactly a looker to begin with. That night was wild and passionate, like from the days of their honeymoon. She had told him that she could definitely tell that there was an improvement in his physical ability scores. It had also inspired him the way she had when he was courting her and the next morning he had gone to work, eager to try his next experiment.


    Ok. I’ll admit that I chose to end there for my own convenience, but more will come.


    Quote Originally Posted by Lycan 01 View Post
    Edit: Hot Pocket is now an official crack pairing character/mechanic. In my literary abominations, at least.
    And FOR SCIENCE! is now one of mine.

    (and yes, we want more V/Cain)

  25. - Top - End - #685
    Titan in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Sereg View Post
    @Nathander Thanks for the compliment, I enjoyed your latest chapter as well. Don’t worry about Lien, while she came off as a little harsh, that harshness is understandable.

    @Closak It was funny, you made me smile.

    @Lycan 01 I’m…not sure what a hot pocket is (though I get the basic idea). Still a fun fic though.

    Alright. This morning I got another idea that I just had to write. Technically, this kind of thing has already been done by Mariel Dragon but this went in a different direction, though I will admit that I got inspiration from the same source. Warning: This is exactly what it says on the tin:

    Mary Sue’s Adventure with the Oots:

    Spoiler
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    I am Mary Sue, the newest member of The Order of the Stick. Roy asked me to join when he saw how beautiful and talented I was. I agreed because I could see that they needed my help. We had arrived at Serrini’s Gate when the IFCC had taken over Vaarsuvius’ soul! Vaarsuvius became very powerful and was going to kill us but my purity meant that I was immune to his evil magic and I walked over and kissed him, which returned him to normal. He was so grateful that he cried and then I comforted him and we slept together. I don’t know how anyone can think that he is a girl.

    Belkar was very angry with Vaarsuvius and wanted to kill him but I taught him the importance of forgiveness and we did it which converted him to good which is a loophole in the prophecy so he didn’t have to die anymore.

    There were trees guarding the gate so Durkon got scared but I showed him that there was nothing to be afraid of by climbing up a tree and pulling him up and then doing it in the tree but I’m not promiscuous.

    I also showed Haley that stealing was wrong and how to make enough money to pay her father’s ransom and still have money to give to charity. (I could have rescued her father myself, but it would be wrong to leave debts unsettled.) She said, “Thank you Mary for showing me the error of my ways. You would be a much better girlfriend for Elan than I ever was!” I was to, because under my passionate and compassionate guidance, he was able to become intelligent and earned a Phd.

    We were about to arrive at the gate but Xykon, Tsukiko and Redcloak were already there! “Oh no!” said Roy, “I am not powerful enough to defeat them!”
    “I can give you the confidence to beat them.” I said and I spent the night with him because that Celia was a coward who didn’t deserve him. “I feel amazing!” he said. Then he ran over and destroyed Xykon and his Fylacktree. “How could I have sided with someone so evil?” asked Redcloak and he went home to make peace with the humans. “Noooooo!” cried Tsukiko and she killed herself with a steak. The Monster in the darkness could see that I was a being of goodness like his friend O-Chul so he didn’t attack us. But then the Snarl came!!!!!!!

    Luckily I convinced the Snarl that unmaking was bad and he restored everyone that he unmade and everyone lived happily ever after.
    A hot pocket is like a stuffed pastry (Freezer food) that you heat up in the oven or the microwave for a quick snack.

    ...Unholy abomination that is Mary-sue! Kill it with fire! The cleansing fire!

  26. - Top - End - #686
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Griffon

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    A hot pocket is like a stuffed pastry (Freezer food) that you heat up in the oven or the microwave for a quick snack.

    ...Unholy abomination that is Mary-sue! Kill it with fire! The cleansing fire!
    Yeah...it was cathartic to write something that terrible, but don't worry, she won't return in any of my fics (at least not intentionally)

    As for the hot pocket, thanks for the info, there's certain things that we don't get (or call a different name) in my country.

  27. - Top - End - #687
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Sereg View Post
    Yeah...it was cathartic to write something that terrible, but don't worry, she won't return in any of my fics (at least not intentionally)

    As for the hot pocket, thanks for the info, there's certain things that we don't get (or call a different name) in my country.
    Are you sure we can't beat her to death with a blunt object?

    Can't Haley use her as target practice?

  28. - Top - End - #688
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    OH MY GODS MY EYES! *Covers Mary Sue in acid*

    DIE MARY DIE DIE DIE *Swallows Mary whole*

    Oh for the love of...even the taste is perfect

  29. - Top - End - #689
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    She's already been brutally bludgeoned to death with a blunt instrument, no worries. *hides petunia pot* [/Whodunnit reference]

  30. - Top - End - #690
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Sereg View Post
    Mary Sue’s Adventure with the Oots:
    You're speling and grammer are to correckt and gramatakal! Fake!!

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    A hot pocket is like a stuffed pastry (Freezer food) that you heat up in the oven or the microwave for a quick snack.
    You call that a snack? I'd call that lunch.

    Tasty lunch.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2010-01-23 at 08:55 AM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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