Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

[CoffeeIncluded]

Seriously, i come out of the computer room and there's two people with their pants down in the middle of the corridor.

Apparantly they think that No Teachers Around=Free Reign.

The moment there's no teacher in the same corridor they get right at it.

And then there's the teachers coffee breaks...

And lunch when all the teachers are eating...oh dear gods...

I don't believe it.

The members of the Crack Pairings Thread are the only people who can keep their pants on.

Rest assured, I would NEVER do something like that, and neither would he.

[Closak]

I swear, one of these days i'm gonna bring a camera and take photos of the whole thing so i can show it to the teachers.

That has to accomplish at least something.
It make the teachers aware of what's going on when they aren't looking anyway.

Maybe talk to the guys in charge about installing security cameras in the corridors...cheapskates...

[Aaron]

But that...It...It...Buh...

CoffeeIncluded has encountered a problem and needs to shut down. We apologize for the inconvenience.

*waves hand in front of Coffee* *no response*
Not again!!!

...How could people do that?

ARE WE, THE MEMBERS OF THE CRACK PAIRINGS THREAD, THE ONLY SANE PEOPLE IN OUR AGE GROUP?!

Yes, Yes we are. Everyone else except us are crazy.

good for you! Show the teenagers of today they don't have to do that to have fun with their Significant other!/no not sarcasm

In another friends' school, there's apparently a staircase NEAR THE MAIN OFFICE where everybody knows not to go...

I dunno why people can't wait. If not until they're older, then at least until they get home!

B and I are the only people in our group of friends who have never kissed anybody/gone out with anybody yet.

Unfortunately, alot of the TV and Internet seem to encourage teenagers to "have fun" with their significant other.

I swear, one of these days i'm gonna bring a camera and take photos of the whole thing so i can show it to the teachers.

That has to accomplish at least something.
It make the teachers aware of what's going on when they aren't looking anyway.

Maybe talk to the guys in charge about installing security cameras in the corridors...cheapskates...

Have you tried telling the main office about it?

[CoffeeIncluded]

I swear, one of these days i'm gonna bring a camera and take photos of the whole thing so i can show it to the teachers.

That has to accomplish at least something.
It make the teachers aware of what's going on when they aren't looking anyway.

Maybe talk to the guys in charge about installing security cameras in the corridors...cheapskates...

Do that.

In our school, the teachers do "Hall duty". They have their lunch break in the hallway.

Unfortunately, alot of the TV and Internet seem to encourage teenagers to "have fun" with their significant other.

I don't understand why they don't think kissing isn't fun enough. I mean, I'm pretty good at keeping my hormones under control. (I do NOT mean nor want to sound preachy here)

[Roland St. Jude]

Sheriff of Moddingham: Fiction, people, fiction. Please drag this off the real world sexuality discussions, and, well, general discussion overall.

[Closak]

Oops...Looks like we managed to break the rails and send the train flying in the wrong direction...again.


... Hmm, i think i have an idea for yet another ABD fic

[CoffeeIncluded]

Meep. Sorry.

Soo...As I've said...We're now looking at a multipart crack pairing titled:

HOW TO RISE IN THE RANKS IN THE THIEVES' GUILD

Grubwiggler/Bozzok/Hank

Ian/Bozzok

Ian/Hank

Crystal/Hank

Crystal/Bozzok

Jenny/Crystal/Bozzok/Hank

Haley deciding to make like a tree and leave.

Coming right after I finish my midterms!

[Aaron]

Do that.

In our school, the teachers do "Hall duty". They have their lunch break in the hallway.

Thats what my school does as well. It mainly is to make sure that we get to class on time, but it also discorages...other things...

I don't understand why they don't think kissing isn't fun enough. I mean, I'm pretty good at keeping my hormones under control. (I do NOT mean nor want to sound preachy here)

I guess it's all about exercising self-control over yourself. It also can reflect on how smart you are. (higher wisdom = making will saves of DC "teenage hormones." )


EDIT: And we'll stop right there.

... Hmm, i think i have an idea for yet another ABD fic

Again!?!?!?

[CoffeeIncluded]

Thats what my school does as well. It mainly is to make sure that we get to class on time, but it also discorages...other things...



I guess it's all about exercising self-control over yourself. It also can reflect on how smart you are. (higher wisdom = making will saves of DC "teenage hormones." )

So are you gonna work that into a crack pairing?

[NemoUtopia]

So are you gonna work that into a crack pairing?

Let's just say I have a few ideas involving demonstrating the difference between, say, Roy's fighting instruction and his father's mystic instruction. A bunch of very physical people working up a sweat vs a bunch of intellectuals cooped up together all day, which breaks first?

[Aaron]

So are you gonna work that into a crack pairing?

Maybe. I've got an idea for a pairing. But first I should work on my homework.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Let's just say I have a few ideas involving demonstrating the difference between, say, Roy's fighting instruction and his father's mystic instruction. A bunch of very physical people working up a sweat vs a bunch of intellectuals cooped up together all day, which breaks first?

Lets find out.

[Closak]

For SCIENCE!

Yes i went there.

[CoffeeIncluded]

For SCIENCE!

Yes i went there.

Damn, I should have said that.

Speaking of which, I have a science competition in 2 weeks.

ABD/Science?

[NemoUtopia]

ABD/Science?

I'm pretty sure fiction about the Far Realms would still drive anyone insane

Here is "Tsukiko's ploy", part 2! As a plot note, it is conveniently placed after comic #665 and comic #700, providing an interesting brain teaser for those speculating on events off-camera and the cause for Tsukiko's speculations in #700

Spoiler

Show

Tsukiko had everything prepared. She had done everything meticulously, the candles arrayed subtly for effect, her strongest draw undead on herself beneath her sheer teddy, subtle makeup and body paint accentuating her shapely bone structure, and had the ornaments of power precisely laid. She knew the lich of her heart valued power, and what better way to turn his eye? The tell-tale clack of Xykon’s stride interrupted Tsukiko’s thoughts, and she adjusted her posture very deliberately.

Xykon was muttering about the latest town that had been in their path, “…heh, now that was a great betting pool. And a great meteor swarm opportunity. Now I wonder if that lackey remembered to bring me that scroll…”

He stepped in to find Tsukiko and the alluring items of power, stopping the lich in his tracks. For once, he even missed that he had made a Will save. Recognizing a lackey trying to impress instinctively, Xykon spoke sarcastically, “I ask for a wish and you empty Redcloak’s private armory? Here I thought my phylacteric anniversary was next month…”

Tsukiko didn’t beckon explicitly, but instead coyly tossed her head, “Oh, these? I thought you’d enjoy gloating over past victories while you pondered your wish…”

Xykon certainly didn’t miss that Tsukiko was holding the scroll against her slender neck and just beneath her chin, an invitation to claim his new belonging. Xykon had certainly not ascended to lichdom and epic spell-slots without his fair share of intellect, and most his life (not to mention his entire unlife) in the evil business. So the natural question came, “How do I make this benefit me the most?”

Acting on a sudden impulse and idea, Xykon slowly took the scroll from Tsukiko, making sure to brush her skin from just above the top of her teddy to out from under her chin. ‘Ignorant’ of the effect he had just had, Xykon drawled, “Yes, well, I’ve been getting a few idle ideas. Maybe you could help me choose the most fun option?”

There was no missing the excitement following Xykon’s contact heightening with his suggestion, but the cunning lich swiftly averted his gaze as he tapped the scroll cap against his ulna in ‘deep thought’. Tsukiko draped herself eagerly on Xykon’s arm and he blithely declined to comment as she practically sparkled, “Well, you were always saying how we never have enough components, why not make it interesting with some for your favorite play-time spells?”

Xykon grinned evilly, “Why yes, that sounds absolutely delicious. Well done.”

Xykon bit back the snicker forming, the fleeting thought ‘Like fireballing a barrel of monkeys drenched in alcohol’ running through his brain. Always a lich of action, if sometimes idle action, Xykon dangled out a proposition coyly, “Tell me, how would you like duties to better assist my grand design? It would please me greatly and be very rewarding…”

Tuskiko’s heart leapt into her throat and she gasped out, “Absolutely, your commands are mine to fulfill!”

Xykon once more kept himself from snickering as Tsukiko’s eyes indicated the piece of furniture she was hoping his commands would lead them. Man, this not smirking thing was getting hard, but a lich has to do what a lich has to do for the greater fun of it all. Xykon quickly embellished the details of Tsukiko’s current work, making everything sound grand and ultimately fulfilling before finishing with a snap and characteristic fury, “…so I’d appreciate it if my powerful minions GOT TO WORK!”

The sudden surge of fear from Tsukiko was delicious, but he did notice how cute that end looked in black silk through the chemise. It had been a long time indeed since Xykon had indulged in anything resembling physical affection, but he did have the spells to make it more than worthwhile. Certainly more fun than the boring days between towns. Opening the scroll, Xykon made his tedious if profitable wish and pondered the best ways to make his new game more interesting.

[Closak]

Spoiler

Show

The ABD was in her lab working on her latest experiment.

"Oh yes i do love science so" She sang to herself while working.

Unfortunately today would be a very bad day.

"Hello miss" Her assistant said as he came in "I brought a friend with me today"

"Oh?" The ABD asked, curious about who this friend could be.

And in came Thog.

Barely a second had passed before he started poking random things "Thog like pretty shiny stuff"

"NO DON'T TOUCH THAT!" The ABD screamed.

But it was too late, Thog had already dropped the vial on the floor.

"YOU FOOL! YOU DOOMED US ALL!" The ABD screamed.

---27 and a half days later---

"Brrraaaaiiinnnnss" Zombie ABD muttered as she stalked the streets of the seemingly deserted town.

...Oh dear

[CoffeeIncluded]

I'm pretty sure fiction about the Far Realms would still drive anyone insane

Here is "Tsukiko's ploy", part 2! As a plot note, it is conveniently placed after comic #665 and comic #700, providing an interesting brain teaser for those speculating on events off-camera and the cause for Tsukiko's speculations in #700

Spoiler

Show

Tsukiko had everything prepared. She had done everything meticulously, the candles arrayed subtly for effect, her strongest draw undead on herself beneath her sheer teddy, subtle makeup and body paint accentuating her shapely bone structure, and had the ornaments of power precisely laid. She knew the lich of her heart valued power, and what better way to turn his eye? The tell-tale clack of Xykon’s stride interrupted Tsukiko’s thoughts, and she adjusted her posture very deliberately.

Xykon was muttering about the latest town that had been in their path, “…heh, now that was a great betting pool. And a great meteor swarm opportunity. Now I wonder if that lackey remembered to bring me that scroll…”

He stepped in to find Tsukiko and the alluring items of power, stopping the lich in his tracks. For once, he even missed that he had made a Will save. Recognizing a lackey trying to impress instinctively, Xykon spoke sarcastically, “I ask for a wish and you empty Redcloak’s private armory? Here I thought my phylacteric anniversary was next month…”

Tsukiko didn’t beckon explicitly, but instead coyly tossed her head, “Oh, these? I thought you’d enjoy gloating over past victories while you pondered your wish…”

Xykon certainly didn’t miss that Tsukiko was holding the scroll against her slender neck and just beneath her chin, an invitation to claim his new belonging. Xykon had certainly not ascended to lichdom and epic spell-slots without his fair share of intellect, and most his life (not to mention his entire unlife) in the evil business. So the natural question came, “How do I make this benefit me the most?”

Acting on a sudden impulse and idea, Xykon slowly took the scroll from Tsukiko, making sure to brush her skin from just above the top of her teddy to out from under her chin. ‘Ignorant’ of the effect he had just had, Xykon drawled, “Yes, well, I’ve been getting a few idle ideas. Maybe you could help me choose the most fun option?”

There was no missing the excitement following Xykon’s contact heightening with his suggestion, but the cunning lich swiftly averted his gaze as he tapped the scroll cap against his ulna in ‘deep thought’. Tsukiko draped herself eagerly on Xykon’s arm and he blithely declined to comment as she practically sparkled, “Well, you were always saying how we never have enough components, why not make it interesting with some for your favorite play-time spells?”

Xykon grinned evilly, “Why yes, that sounds absolutely delicious. Well done.”

Xykon bit back the snicker forming, the fleeting thought ‘Like fireballing a barrel of monkeys drenched in alcohol’ running through his brain. Always a lich of action, if sometimes idle action, Xykon dangled out a proposition coyly, “Tell me, how would you like duties to better assist my grand design? It would please me greatly and be very rewarding…”

Tuskiko’s heart leapt into her throat and she gasped out, “Absolutely, your commands are mine to fulfill!”

Xykon once more kept himself from snickering as Tsukiko’s eyes indicated the piece of furniture she was hoping his commands would lead them. Man, this not smirking thing was getting hard, but a lich has to do what a lich has to do for the greater fun of it all. Xykon quickly embellished the details of Tsukiko’s current work, making everything sound grand and ultimately fulfilling before finishing with a snap and characteristic fury, “…so I’d appreciate it if my powerful minions GOT TO WORK!”

The sudden surge of fear from Tsukiko was delicious, but he did notice how cute that end looked in black silk through the chemise. It had been a long time indeed since Xykon had indulged in anything resembling physical affection, but he did have the spells to make it more than worthwhile. Certainly more fun than the boring days between towns. Opening the scroll, Xykon made his tedious if profitable wish and pondered the best ways to make his new game more interesting.

Why do I get the feeling this is going to end badly?

[NemoUtopia]

Why do I get the feeling this is going to end badly?

Because everything involving Xykon ends badly? But yes, "Tsukiko's Ploy" is now officially over, but there's plenty of room for me to write "Xykon's Toy" in the near future Currently busy with Miko though.

[Closak]

Spoiler

Show

The ABD was in her lab working on her latest experiment.

"Oh yes i do love science so" She sang to herself while working.

Unfortunately today would be a very bad day.

"Hello miss" Her assistant said as he came in "I brought a friend with me today"

"Oh?" The ABD asked, curious about who this friend could be.

And in came Thog.

Barely a second had passed before he started poking random things "Thog like pretty shiny stuff"

"NO DON'T TOUCH THAT!" The ABD screamed.

But it was too late, Thog had already dropped the vial on the floor.

"YOU FOOL! YOU DOOMED US ALL!" The ABD screamed.

---27 and a half days later---

"Brrraaaaiiinnnnss" Zombie ABD muttered as she stalked the streets of the seemingly deserted town.

...Oh dear

And what about this then?

Stupid Thog

Does anyone see what i did there? Catch the parody?

[Mystic Muse]

you parodied 28 days later correct?

[Closak]

Yes, yes i did.

And as usual Thog is unbelievably stupid.


This is why Thog and SCIENCE! do not mix well.

[NemoUtopia]

Miko's Heart, Beyond Lawful Good
Part 1

Spoiler

Show

I am named Miko Miyazaki, of the Sapphire Guard but paladin no more. In doing what I believed to be fulfilling my duty to the Twelve Gods, they have seen fit to strip me of my greater status in spite of the ultimate sacrifice. Only, not so ultimate. The resistance found and raised me, but the Twelve Gods saw fit to complicate the matter. Through no fault of the cleric’s, I am under atonement and a quest to understand why I was stripped of my higher status. To understand and truly atone for my actions leading me to destroy the Azure Gate.

While I find it distasteful, I have cleansed and had blessed armor scavenged from one of my many fallen brothers and sisters in Duty to complement my own. I am armed and provisioned once more, with a mount suitable for my needs. Against my will I am forced to leave the Resistance. I would die again in the service of the Twelve, and they deny me the chance to strike at our enemies, at the hated lich! My Duty to the Twelve is greater than my duty to Azure City, and so I must undertake this unfathomable quest, for it seems my folly is not as simple as I believe.

While preparing for my journey, I have overheard the talk of the Resistance that greatly disturbs me. I have always been acknowledged as one of the greatest paladins alive, and yet I am held in less regard than a katana of poorest craftsmanship. How can this be? Have I not fulfilled my missions and done my Duty? Was I not one of the finest paladins to serve the Guard? More disturbing still are the things I hear of the cursed Order of the Stick. They are regarded as heroes and held in reknown, and their leader paid the same price as I attempting to halt Xykon.

For this I find myself sad, as while often irritating we still had many enjoyable conversations. Perhaps this is but the first step in understanding, to understand why all respond so ill towards my person and yet so well to that attractively bald Roy? I pray, as always and constantly, to the Twelve for guidance on the roads away from Azure City. My prayer seems to have found an answer, as another of our number was inexplicably traveling the same road.

Matsumo Kamakura was always one of the few sparring partners I feel was always time well spent. He was always willing to learn and eager to train, although perhaps this has something to do with me. Can it be that despite my actions and startling reputation among my fellows, there are those drawn to me? I cannot define my unfamiliar emotions on this possibility, but they are warm and I seem to be unable to suppress them. I thank the Twelve that Matsumo has agreed to travel with me this day and camp this night, that we may part with the blessings of the Twelve in the morning.

It was perhaps unwise of me to be so blunt in our early conversation, but it was as though the Twelve themselves compelled me to be as blunt as possible. I asked Matsumo about the Resistance, how the Guard viewed me, and the Order. He hedged at first, which irritated me, so I ordered him to tell me the truth and stop dawdling. Perhaps I am no longer his superior, but through a hot blush and temporarily gritted teeth he informed me as I desired. Brusquely, before becoming silent as a clam.

I felt the urge to strike him for insolence and challenge his claim, but the proof had been before my own eyes and come through my own ears. I took many deep breaths and calmed myself so I could mull over his words after a bitten off, “Thank you.”

His obvious surprise that I would thank him for a task, when courtesy and custom clearly demanded such, struck me like an unholy crossbow bolt. Had I truly been so oblivious to the evidence of my senses and circumstances? I promised myself to pay more attention and at least hear others out in conversations from now on, and was only too happy when, after great length, Matsumo resumed idle conversation about the City, the Guard, our companions lost, and matters of immediate circumstance. I found myself laughing sadly at his happy memories with all the departed, realizing I had missed ever making such memories myself. What a treasure to have missed! Truly the Twelve Gods must have sent Matsumo to me for such painful insight.

Darkness fell too soon, so we made camp by the river. I took care of the horses while Matsumo set up camp and prepared to clean himself for the evening. I found my eyes drawn to him as the armor fell away, leaving his battle-hardened body in only his tunic and breeches under the moon. If only he would stretch so I might admire…by the Twelve, what am I thinking! Such thoughts are foreign to me, and yet the Guard does not proscribe against the carnal among its members. Anything that leads to trouble is discouraged and disciplined, but anything else is ignored…No! I cannot think this way!

I shook myself to my senses over our mounts, only to catch Matsumo walking away to the stream. Wearing nothing, leaving his well-turned thigh bare to the moon, and his…by the Twelve, had he no shame?! I was certainly NOT blushing as I tended the fire. Yes, that was certainly where the heat came from. Ye Twelve above, why do you tempt me so?

While Matsumo was gone I prepared my own bedroll so I could get clean and retire immediately without incident. Matsumo tended the fire and dinner as I moved into the trees to prepare myself for cleaning. Surely it would be better to be out of sight, unlike Matsumo! Yet the thought of his eyes…how would he look at me without the armor? Chasing the thought away, I finished stripping to my shift and entered the river, only removing it to keep it from getting wet.

Before returning to camp I made sure my shift was secure and was glad Matsumo was in his breeches again. The firelight played off his chiseled chest very well…oh, gods! I ate quietly by the firelight, realizing when we finished how amazingly cold it was. Did Matsumo have any extra blankets? He didn’t, and so I hurriedly got into my own and tried to chase sleep. It didn’t come swiftly enough, and Matsumo joined me, still in his breeches. I couldn’t protest standard field procedure for keeping the night’s chill away and preserving our healing. …besides, resting back against his body was warm and comforting in the night as the fire dwindled. It was his warm presence and strong arms that lulled me to sleep.

The first in an ongoing, long series about a hypothetical future for Miko's redemption in the immediate aftermath of Azure City's ruination. Thoughts? [edit]Oh, and no two parts will feature the same secondary character. This is in effect Miko/random-Sapphire-Guard-minion with a twist on 'in the afterlife' that will be made fully clear in the next installment.

[BatRobin]

I think we should all make a huge collaborated crack fic with like most characters in OOTS, and it will be like, epic.

Eh?

[CoffeeIncluded]

I think we should all make a huge collaborated crack fic with like most characters in OOTS, and it will be like, epic.

Eh?

Oh yeah. That would be awesome.

Nice work, Nemo!

[NemoUtopia]

Nice work, Nemo!

Tyty ^_^

As a writer who is striving to improve, however, I have two questions:
1) This sounds like Miko, si?
2) This one is for the women, not the men: Does Miko sound like a woman to you? As a male myself, I know how to write something that most/all men would take as a 'woman's voice'. I'm looking to improve this to truly writing a woman's voice, where women sympathize or at least understand and think of the the narrator voice as a woman, so input here is much appreciated.



Oh, and check out my homepage for other writing. I'm in the process of updating it again, so it will be a while before I get this stuff fully copied and posted, along with some other fictiony goodness. It all conforms to the same standards as this board, so no worries about cross-readership.

[Meg]

I think we should all make a huge collaborated crack fic with like most characters in OOTS, and it will be like, epic.

Eh?

Well, we did start a round robin a thread or two ago. If you want to continue it, here's what we had when it tapered off:

Spoiler

Show

Vaarsuvius's eyes opened slowly, the last traces of memories drifting back into the past. And mercifully, they were no longer memories of the soldiers, once forsaken, never to be forgotten, but at least the elf was now forgiven. The ceiling swam into view.

Ceiling.

Vaarsuvius almost jumped in shock, heart racing, and looked around the room. It shouldn't be a room, it should be a desert. They were in the middle of a desert, searching for Girard's gate. The room stayed unwaiveringly real.

A warm hand touched the elf's bare shoulder, and Vaarsuvius realised with a creeping dread than not only was this not the desert, not only was the elf in an unfamiliar room in an unfamiliar bed, but the only thing preserving the Elf's modesty was a layer of sheets and blankets.

And the hand. There was someone else here. Vaarsuvius stared at the unfamiliar human who had reached out and was now creeping their hand up to one pointed ear. Sleepy eyes met the elf's and their owner smiled.

"You're awake early. Last night was something huh?"

Vaarsuvius stared, wide-eyed, and a small indistinct sound escaped the elf's throat. If the elf had been any other humanoid this could have been dismissed as a dream. But elves don't dream; this was real. The next second the mage had scrambled out of the bed and was pulling on the discarded robe that had been strewn haphazardly over a chair, presumably during the 'last night' of which there was no recollection.

"Wait, what -" the human started, but Vaarsuvius had already sped out of the door.

Vaarsuvius didn't get far. The door led to a corridor, and just as the elf was making an impromptu retreat another door opened a short distance along. The elf ran full-on into the person who then stepped out into the corridor, knocking the wind out of both of them. This gave them both an opportunity to notice who they had collided with.

"What in the nine hells are you?" Vaarsuvius exclaimed at the other figure.

"I could ask you the same." the other Vaarsuvius hissed back.

Neither Vaarsuvius had time to respond, because the strange human emerged from the bedroom, shaking his dark hair out of his blue eyes. "Hey, I don't know what your problem is, but-" He stopped short at the sight of the two Vaarsuviui.

"There are two of you." He said this with the air of someone who, upon arriving late to their own birthday party, was informed that all of the cake had been eaten.

"Who are you?" said the second Vaarsuvius, at the same time that the first said, "No there are not!"

"Sure looks like there are two of you," he said, in the same, slightly wounded voice. "And I, am the Sorcerer Xykon." He said this with flourish, as if they should know this already, and were slightly stupid for not.

The first Vaarsuvius let out a shrill squawk, and the second glared, shouting, "First you steal my image, and then you sleep with my enemy using it?"

"I did not steal your image, Interloper! If anything, I should be reducing you to a pile of soot! I am a wizard, fiend!"

"You're a wizard?" Xykon's voice took on a chilly edge, but neither Vaarsuvius heard him. They were sizing each other up, looking for weaknesses. "Hey! Elf Chick! Look at me when I am talking to you!" He roughly grabbed what he thought was his Vaarsuvius by the shoulders, spinning the elf to face him.

"I am not a 'Chick!' You seek my doppleganger." spat the 2nd Vaarsuvius.

"Great. Just frickin' great. I manage to shack up with some freaky clone elf wizard chick. This is just freakin' spectacular." He released the male elf, and grabbed the female by the throat.

"I oughta break your neck." The shouting had attracted attention. All up and down the hall, tousled heads poked out of heavy oak doors, similar expressions of shock and horror on each face.

Vaarsuvius was gasping for air when a door opened and... Vaarsuvius looked out. But not at her self, but the spliced her.

"What's going on." the spliced Vaarsuvius said with a tired voice.

"Another one. Wait you're that bitch I almost killed. Are you the same or do you only have one of those faces?" Xykon screamed.

"Well we are twins but that one I don't know about." The male elf said.

"Any ways. Fire ball." the female elf roared and pointed a finger to the... goth elf. Next they all stared at her finger that had absolutly not launched a fire ball.

"Sis we don't have our spellbooks. Nor any components." the male one said.
"I don't think we got enough sleep last night to continue with things that are bad for us..."

Now Xykon realised that he didn't have any spells. The goth elf smiled.
"Five, four, three, two, one. Why can't I wake up? Is it real?"

The ‘goth’ elf's face seemed to shimmer, as though it was just a façade of something much, much deeper.

"Oh, this is very real. At least it is for you lot.”

"For us? Praytell, what do you mean by that?'" one Vaarsuvius demanded. "And why do you look like me?!"

The Elf's face flickered again. "All good questions, and they will be answered in time. However, what you need to know now is that while you are here you will be unable to fatally harm one another. Well, unless you want them too." The elf's face - the mask of an elf's face - split into a grin of needle sharp teeth.

"I demand you tell us-"

"So, I suggest you cease this pointless warring and get better acquainted. With yourselves as well as each other." Zanaril's avatar* turned to Xykon.

"You're a bit ahead of your game for that body, don't you think?" She made a small gesture, and the skin on Xykon's face melted like liquid wax. It poured down his robes and into the floor, and when he looked up his eyes were nothing but two pinpricks of light in empty sockets.

"You... bitch! I didn't even get to have one last cup of coffee!"

"Suck it up."

She glanced at the elves. "May I suggest you run? He may not be able to kill you, but... Well, goodbye." The avatar disappeared in a puff of smoke.

The male Vaarsuvius put a hand to his forehead. "Did I.... did I just refer to you as my sister."

"That's it! Spell or no spells, I will wring your scrawny little necks!"

"May I propose that now is not the time?"

The other elf nodded, and they both turned and ran down the corridor, away from the newly lichified Xykon.

And ran.

And ran.

They stopped, panting, and looked back to see the corridor stretching continuously away from them.

"What... what is this place?"

"I could ask you the same my dear. My dears."

The elves turned round to see a smiling black haired human. He was wearing knee-length boots. He was wearing a large, feathered hat. He was wearing a long, sweeping coat. He was wearing it all with the poise of someone who knows they're a smarmy jerk, and would you like to get to know a little bit more of me?

"My dear. I was not expecting to see you so soon.” He eyed the other elf “...And I thought it would be impossible to see more of you than I had already seen."

"I have never met you before in my life" One of the elves said, scowling as the human's eyes strayed down their robes.

"Come on now. I can't say I am one for remembering every one of my lovers, but surely you haven't already forgotten our night together? It was merely days ago. Unless it was your twin I bedded?"

"She is not my-" And the elf paused, suddenly uncertain as odd memories flash behind his eyes. Oddly, memories of Haley...

He shook his head vigorously. "She is not my twin. Furthermore, I am male."

The younger Julio Scoundrel's eyes snapped back up to face level. "So it must not have been you. I certainly would have noticed. My dear?" The last comment was directed to the female elf, whose expression was a mask of dread, but whose ears and face had turned bright pink.

The pairing is VxEveryone, and I didn't bother breaking it up by author, 'cuz I'm lazy like that.

It is now officially time for me to stop being on the internet, and actually do my science homework and then go to bed. 'Night, all.

[Sstoopidtallkid]

I think we should all make a huge collaborated crack fic with like most characters in OOTS, and it will be like, epic.

Eh?

I'm actually considering writing a bunch of connected drabbles right now that will feature about 12 characters romantically when all is said and done. May be a while, however.

[Sereg]

I’ve enjoyed the new fics. Incidentally, I thought that we should have another competition for Valentine's Day.

@Coffee I used to see mental health professionals, not at the moment though.

My strength score is why I presented myself the way I did in my Me/Tsukiko fic. Generally, for the fics that I shipped myself, the earlier I wrote them, the less I changed myself from the real world.

Statting family members is a bit more difficult. My sister obviously has a high score in everything except CON, my father obviously has maxed out INT, my stepsister has a massive CHA (it must be 18) and a pitiful CON and my stepmother has a high WIS and low CON. As for my mother, back when she was alive, yeah it’s really hard to stat a blind quadriplegic with an autoimmune disease.

As for phobias: Heights and sudden acceleration, but my biggest fear is this.

Alright, to get back on topic, here is part 4 and the final of “A Twisted Tail”:

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The clone arrived at the lab the next day feeling thoroughly pleased with himself. He was really enjoying his time experimenting on Hieronymus and spending his nights with the wife. However, when he arrived, he immediately knew that something was wrong. Hieronymus was not strapped to the table. “Hello there,” came a voice from his left as a scalpel was pressed against his neck, “so nice of you to join me.” He turned to face the gaze of Hieronymus Grubwiggler. “How did you escape?” asked the clone.
“It turns out that you rolled quite a bit lower on your use rope check last night. Low enough for my high roll on my escape artist check to overcome it.”
“Are you going to kill me?” asked the clone.
“I considered it,” said Hieronymus slowly, “but you see, I’ve been separated from my wife and had certain…urges awoken whilst you were working on me. Therefore, I came up with a better plan. You are going to help me satisfy those urges and this time I’ll be dominant.”

Hieronymus and his clone lay naked on the floor. “I really enjoyed that.” said the clone.
“But I’m not sure what to do now.” replied Hieronymus, “I have a wife. I don’t know how I’m going to explain all this to her or what I should do with you.”
“Well you know what they say,” answered the clone, “it’s not Science unless you share it.” With that, they both grinned.

Another one of Sstoopidtallkid’s suggestions:

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“By the way Haley” began Elan, “earlier today I was invited to visit someone and they said that I should bring a friend and seeing as though we’re such good friends, I was hoping that you’d come with me.”
“Bllc…vfkdycx?” said Haley sadly.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” said Elan, “Follow me.”

“Here we go, room 115.” said Elan.
“Gnkx fllu xddux z pkggpd…xuzpp vlf z ozfgh.” Haley commented. Elan knocked on the door. “It’s me from earlier.” said Elan.
“Come in…you’ve got the key.” came the answer, followed by a giggle.
“K cly’g pkid gnd xljyc lv gnzg.” said Haley.
“Come on, Haley.” said Elan as he held her hand, unlocked and pushed open the door. They were greeted by the sight of two women whom appeared naked under the sheet which was covering them. The one was brunette while the other had dark, turquoise hair. “You came.” giggled the turquoise haired woman, “I didn’t expect your friend to be a girl, but we can work with that.” She got up and walked towards Elan who said, “You’re invisible, but I can see you. I must have true seeing.”
“Yl!” moaned Haley as the turquoise haired girl kicked shut the door and began to kiss Elan. However, when the other girl started walking towards her and Elan’s clothes began to drop, she said “Zegjzooh, gnkx eljpc td ajkgd vjy.”

Translations:

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“Good…friends?” said Haley sadly.
“This room seems a little…small for a party.” Haley commented.
“I don’t like the sound of that.” said Haley.
“No!” moaned Haley as the turquoise haired girl kicked shut the door and began to kiss Elan. However, when the other girl started walking towards her and Elan’s clothes began to drop, she said “Actually, this could be quite fun.”

Again, I’d like to see other interpretations.

[Sstoopidtallkid]

Another one of Sstoopidtallkid’s suggestions:

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“By the way Haley” began Elan, “earlier today I was invited to visit someone and they said that I should bring a friend and seeing as though we’re such good friends, I was hoping that you’d come with me.”
“Bllc…vfkdycx?” said Haley sadly.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” said Elan, “Follow me.”

“Here we go, room 115.” said Elan.
“Gnkx fllu xddux z pkggpd…xuzpp vlf z ozfgh.” Haley commented. Elan knocked on the door. “It’s me from earlier.” said Elan.
“Come in…you’ve got the key.” came the answer, followed by a giggle.
“K cly’g pkid gnd xljyc lv gnzg.” said Haley.
“Come on, Haley.” said Elan as he held her hand, unlocked and pushed open the door. They were greeted by the sight of two women whom appeared naked under the sheet which was covering them. The one was brunette while the other had dark, turquoise hair. “You came.” giggled the turquoise haired woman, “I didn’t expect your friend to be a girl, but we can work with that.” She got up and walked towards Elan who said, “You’re invisible, but I can see you. I must have true seeing.”
“Yl!” moaned Haley as the turquoise haired girl kicked shut the door and began to kiss Elan. However, when the other girl started walking towards her and Elan’s clothes began to drop, she said “Zegjzooh, gnkx eljpc td ajkgd vjy.”

Translations:

Spoiler

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“Good…friends?” said Haley sadly.
“This room seems a little…small for a party.” Haley commented.
“I don’t like the sound of that.” said Haley.
“No!” moaned Haley as the turquoise haired girl kicked shut the door and began to kiss Elan. However, when the other girl started walking towards her and Elan’s clothes began to drop, she said “Actually, this could be quite fun.”

Again, I’d like to see other interpretations.

YAY! Very nice. Great Oblivious Elan/Haley.

[Asta Kask]

There may be a certain ammount of confirmation bias going on. First of all teenagers exaggerate. Just because someone said they worked through the kama sutra with their SO doesn't mean it's so. Second, you probably remember the times you walked into a room and there were people making out better than the times you walked into a room and they were talking about the movies. Third, teenagers have a healthy libido and like to experiment. And if beds are out, they'll get creative.

Coffee, the descent into horndog-dom is gradual. If you and B get together, it won't happen in a day. But in six months time? The sky's the limit.

Anyway, this isn't getting crack pairings done. Shippings, yes, but we're not allowed to do those.