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  1. - Top - End - #871
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    New Pairing: Dark One & Thor

    It was over, the Dark One had finally won out. Of all the gods, only Thor had dared to defy him once he took power using the Snarl, but now even he was on his knees before the might confronting him.
    "I give in" said the once strong Northern deity "We'll allow the goblins an equal standing. They'll have the same rights and wealth as every player class.
    "Oh that hasn't been my goal. Not for a long time." Said the Dark One, confidently walking around behind Thor. "Not since I first lay eyes on you."
    "Whu- what do you mean?" Thor said bewildered.
    "Oh you'll see. Bend over."


    well, that's my first time writing crack in a while. Probably could be a lot better.
    I am the black mage!
    I casts the spells that makes the peoples fall down!

  2. - Top - End - #872
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    Devixer's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Mythestopheles View Post
    Ok, so I finally followed a banner linking here. I’ve checked out some of the work and… Well I kinda like it. I kinda feel dirty inside for liking it. But… I figure, I shouldn’t try to hide it, especially from people on the internet.
    That dirty feeling will pass. Believe you me.

  3. - Top - End - #873
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    Mystic Muse's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    She had something like +2 soap of softness, was in something that looked like half a barrel, had her hair down and that's all I can think of.

  4. - Top - End - #874
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Kyuubi View Post
    She had something like +2 soap of softness, was in something that looked like half a barrel, had her hair down and that's all I can think of.
    Was she saying anything?

    It's just that the crack pairing involves this. And it's funny.

  5. - Top - End - #875
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    Mystic Muse's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    "aaaaaah"
    "Darn it! who's interrupting my Gratuitous bath scene?
    "oh well hand it over I'll read it now"
    "huh from some place Called Tyrinaria. never heard of it"
    "kind of in the middle of a bath here"
    "geez you try and squeeze a little fnaservice in"
    "DADDY!!"

    and that's everything

  6. - Top - End - #876
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Kyuubi View Post
    "aaaaaah"
    "Darn it! who's interrupting my Gratuitous bath scene?
    "oh well hand it over I'll read it now"
    "huh from some place Called Tyrinaria. never heard of it"
    "kind of in the middle of a bath here"
    "geez you try and squeeze a little fnaservice in"
    "DADDY!!"

    and that's everything
    Thanks. I should have it up tomorrow afternoon or Thursday.

  7. - Top - End - #877
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    NemoUtopia's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Miko's Heart, Beyond Lawful Good - Part 2

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    Waking up in Matsumo’s arms was unlike anything I have ever felt. All of my past field experiences have been matters of simply sharing body heat to ward off the cold, but this…somehow meant more. I pondered Matsumo’s sleeping face for a while, forced to rethink my time as a paladin. I had treated it as my experiences as a monk, making no friends and seemingly many antagonists, missing on the opportunities of life through the false belief my oath kept such things from me. Feeling the urge to rise, I kissed Matsumo lightly at the corner of his mouth and brushed his hair back. No sooner had I done so than Matsumo began to fade away!

    He was awake and now incorporeal, but he still heard my cry, “By the Twelve, what is this?!”

    His strong voice came clearly through dawn, “It is by the Twelve that I am here at all, Miko. Like you, I died defending our beloved city and the gate. When another mission presented itself I did not choose out of duty…I chose to be the one to come back despite the rewards of the afterlife. For you, Miko. The Twelve Gods see your heart and soul and know that you have taken in much. The value of life for life’s sake, and of friends. I only regret I can do no more for you…”

    The cry tore itself from me like a striking katana, “Matsumo!!! Why would they send you to take you away?! Why be so good to me only to steal you away?”

    He had nearly faded completely, and his voice was misty…but somehow I caught every word, “Not all that we wish to be can be, Miko. Learn your heart and live your life, seek me again when it is your time…”

    I had to watch as Matsumo faded to so much mist, all of his possessions and his mount as though they were never there. I had to feel his warmth draw away from me until at last even the impression of his arms was gone. I held to that memory fiercely, with the fire of conviction. I had been cared for, and if I had been better I would have cared in return. The warmth of Matsumo’s arms and his smile, as well as the chill of absence and sorrow in his eyes at departure, will never leave me now.

    I forced myself to make ready, forcing back unfamiliar tears of frustrations I had never let myself know. As the sun truly rose from the horizon I was mounted and on the road once more. A new resolve burned within me, stronger than my former convictions to my oath. The goblin and the cursed lich had taken lives, destroyed families and homes, had broken those who had done nothing to deserve it. For them, for Matsumo, and for myself I would work to stop them!

    It was nearly noon before I saw another soul, and in this case many. A caravan had pulled to a halt, unusual indeed. Why had they not taken provision on the move? I heard the heated words and rode to the edge of their caravan, letting my armor and presence declare myself without words. An older man, clearly the head of the caravan, was arguing with a much younger woman in a group of five rather…eccentric characters. Adventurers serving as guards, then.
    The woman spoke to me first, direct and demanding, “You’re a paladin from Azure City, surely you can settle this for us! Tell this old fool to pay us what he promised…”

    I remembered my promise to myself and avoided rebuking her insolence off-hand. As a member of the Guard I was bound to arbitrate the law when a magistrate could not be found, a duty I rarely performed. I spoke slowly so I could keep my voice calm and even, “Explain the nature of this dispute, and once I have heard from each of you I will do what is within my power.”

    I heard each of them out and pointedly ignored their inflammatory elaborations on the facts. They had run afoul of bandits, all captured now, and the adventurers were demanding gold for their protection. The merchant was insisting their original agreement covered all of this, and an additional fee for the encounter was extortion. I made each of them explain the original agreement, but there were discrepancies as well. Such irritating rabble!

    I cut to the heart of the matter by asking if each thought this was a ‘standard guardian/travel agreement’, to which both agreed. I then got the troublesome adventurers to agree that such did not involve extortionist ‘encounter fees’ to the merchant. Before the merchant took on his own airs, I finished by stating that everything in possession of the bandits that had not been stolen from the caravan was theirs by right of acquisition, not the caravan’s by right of proximity. Neither side seemed particularly happy, but they agreed to the arbitration and I traveled with them to prevent further altercation. Adventurers are notoriously untrustworthy, after all, and who knew what the merchant might try to take?

    I was glad none of the group came near me for the ride, as I had much to think about. Everything from yesterday and this morning weighed heavily on my thoughts, and trying to stay alert for subtle trouble was difficult. I didn’t even realize that a female wizard with the party had ridden astride of me until she spoke, “You did a good thing there.”

    I started, barely keeping from stepping my horse a few widths away from this caster. I was unable to hide my suspicion, “It was lawful and fair.”

    The woman rolled her eyes in exasperation, but it did not seem to be at me, “Yes, but Nicole just doesn’t know when to let well enough alone. I was afraid I’d never talk sense into her, she just wanted the whole package, and so did our benefactor.”

    Why would an adventurer perpetrate their own unsavory reputation so? I spoke carefully, “Yes, I am glad conflict was avoided. The caravan need not worry about more bandits, and hopefully neither will you.”

    She nodded her head happily, colorful robes flowing, “Indeed! What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, after all. So what is weighing on you so?”

    I started at that, unable to reply at first. Had it been that obvious? For some reason I felt I could share with this woman, her an exception to all the others, and let out some of my feelings, “A former…friend…died in the line of duty. It took me until this morning to realize how much I missed him.”

    This strange, overly-friendly woman commiserated, sharing a tale of a past adventuring group. Something was disarming about her, and I found myself venting some of my frustrations with someone to listen, oddly happy to hear her own venting in return. Could it be that adventurers were not just agents of chaos and possible evil? Such a thought was pure ridiculous fantasy, and yet this Karla did not meet that expectation. That handsome Roy certainly wasn’t, if he really wasn’t an agent of Xykon…

    How could the Twelve let me live with such a wrong idea, then? How could they love us and let us make such mistakes? It was something I must think on, and night is already falling. I shall spend tonight with this caravan and the strange Karla to see what the Twelve have in store, then. My own fire is slightly apart from the others, but Karla indeed makes herself welcome with strange stories and curious insights. She is perhaps the strangest person I have met in my wide travels, yet she has such odd wisdom none-the-less…

    I do not realize how close Karla is until we are well done with the provision and most of the others are in their bedrolls. Should I be disturbed that her touch does not bother me? For now, it does not matter. Tonight is cold, the sentries using cloaks often reserved for winter. I help Karla to disrobe and stow her belongings in return for her help with my own. Her fingers seem to find every excuse to touch me, yet I find it not unpleasant at all. And her shift! It is shameless, a clingy material that does nothing for her modesty even if it covers what it must.

    I lay next to her, soft and warm, and feel her hand caress the back of my thigh as she nuzzles into my neck. It is good, but…I have never had such a pillowmate, and simply do not feel ready for this so close to Matsumo’s departure. I take her hand in mine, pressing my lips to her fingers once to show I do not truly mean rebuke before pulling her close. Karla nods in understanding, does not protest or press and simply holds me. And this behavior from an adventurer! They are unruly, boisterous, lewd, and yet here is Karla, kind and affectionate, understanding and insightful, present and real. Was handsome Roy so as well, when I was not so swift to act and make rash of myself?

    I bury my face in her downy blonde hair, letting the warmth of Karla lull me to sleep as Matsumo’s did. I do not fear for my modesty or my safety this night, as though the Twelve themselves stood guard over me. I know this day I have made a real friend, even if tomorrow we part forever. This thought is my last before peaceful oblivion…


    The next installment in Miko's atonement, and I would much love to hear all toughts. Especially on Miko's narratory gender, as I want this to come across as a woman, not as a man writing a woman
    Last edited by NemoUtopia; 2010-02-07 at 11:16 AM. Reason: story edit - grammar, word order, etc.
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    Without improvisation, magic is inherently limited

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  8. - Top - End - #878
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    So is Miko supposed to be chaste or is she just in denial?

  9. - Top - End - #879
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    NemoUtopia's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    So is Miko supposed to be chaste or is she just in denial?
    Mostly denial. She's been a pretty unpleasant personality, so I'm presuming that her experience is small. There, but small. I also figure that considering events involving the OotS and her long missions, it's probably been quite some time, and considering her general attitude I peg her as more on the prudish side of things than the open-smexuality type. Keep in mind that each installment will be an intentional cliffhanger until the last one, so her choices will reflect her current mental state and progress.
    Awesome avatar by potatocubed

    Without improvisation, magic is inherently limited

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  10. - Top - End - #880
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Griffon

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Welcome Mythestopheles and JeanThine.

    I've enjoyed the new fics that went up. I'll try to add another one soon.

  11. - Top - End - #881
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    Closak's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    *Twitches in rage*

    GrrrrrRRRRRRRAAARGH!!! *Razes a random village to the ground*

    Seething...ANGER...RAGE...HATRED!!!

    (Twitch twitch) Grrrrrrr...

    Going to...murder...

    Frikkin thief...murder...RAAAAAGGGEEEE!!!


    And in related news, some bastard stole our family's car during the night.

  12. - Top - End - #882
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    GreataxeFighterGirl

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Hi guys, I've been without Internet access for almost three weeks now, so I've been trawling through the...well, 60 pages of backlog these last few days. Good stuff, people, stay classy that way.

    Specific feeback: I liked CI's drawings, as well as the whole OOTS Jr. stuff.

    And now, without further preamble, my third Crack Pair...

    Dun-dun DUN!

    "When Beings of Pure Law and Good get a bit True Neutral" Possibly to be a feature in "Playelf", both magazine and TV-channel.

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    These days the work of a Bureaucratic Deva is never done. There are always deeds of people to scrutinize, court cases to judge and newbies to guide through the proper afterlife. Anyways, a couple of weeks ago, we were doing a lot of overtime in my department. And as a being on a plane with little sense of time flowing, that's saying something! So, we were going through the files with this other Deva. They're a new employee in my department. Apparently, they were especially good in a previous lifetime and got promoted. I've been looking at this Deva a few times before. You know, a being of Pure Law and Good has these feelings too. When we were doing our work, then, I felt like I had to do somethign about it. And, you know what? It feels both Lawful and Good to go a bit True Neutral, sometimes...

  13. - Top - End - #883
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    The Odor's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Monzach View Post
    Hi guys, I've been without Internet access for almost three weeks now, so I've been trawling through the...well, 60 pages of backlog these last few days. Good stuff, people, stay classy that way.

    Specific feeback: I liked CI's drawings, as well as the whole OOTS Jr. stuff.

    And now, without further preamble, my third Crack Pair...

    Dun-dun DUN!

    "When Beings of Pure Law and Good get a bit True Neutral" Possibly to be a feature in "Playelf", both magazine and TV-channel.

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    These days the work of a Bureaucratic Deva is never done. There are always deeds of people to scrutinize, court cases to judge and newbies to guide through the proper afterlife. Anyways, a couple of weeks ago, we were doing a lot of overtime in my department. And as a being on a plane with little sense of time flowing, that's saying something! So, we were going through the files with this other Deva. They're a new employee in my department. Apparently, they were especially good in a previous lifetime and got promoted. I've been looking at this Deva a few times before. You know, a being of Pure Law and Good has these feelings too. When we were doing our work, then, I felt like I had to do somethign about it. And, you know what? It feels both Lawful and Good to go a bit True Neutral, sometimes...
    You have returned to the eternal fires of Asume booming voice










    now

    DOOOOOM.
    Evil. Iam diffrent. Have a problem with that...
    My avatars
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    Thanks To Dashwood for Spider avatar.
    Thanks To Mr Saturn for Goth Man avatar.

  14. - Top - End - #884
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Griffon

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    @Closak Sorry, I know how frustrating crime can be.

    @Monzach Short (not that I can talk), but entertaining.

    Here is my promised Banjo x Xykon-doll:

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    Xykon-doll wished that he could help his mistress. She was obviously very stressed by the work that she was doing in interpreting the ritual. However, being inanimate meant that all he could do was be cuddled by her. Not that he didn’t enjoy that, he loved the fact that he could comfort her and bring a smile to her face. He wanted to help her in other ways though. If only there was a way to let someone know that he wanted to be animated. He pondered this desperately as he lay in her bed. Suddenly a bright light filled the room and what appeared to be a clown puppet appeared. “I am Banjo, God of Puppets.” announced the apparition, “I’ve also taken the position of God of Stuffed Toys as nobody appeared to be filling that position. Therefore, Xykon-doll, I have heard your prayers and your care and concern has touched me. Therefore, I feel inclined to grant your request.” Banjo breathed on Xykon-doll and the stuffed skeleton realized that he could move. “Thank you!” he cried, “How can I repay you, my god?”
    “Well here’s the thing,” began Banjo, “The only other member of my pantheon is my brother and my high priest has been getting a lot of action. Therefore, I’ve spent a large portion of my existence rather horny with no way of um, dealing with it. That’s where you come in, I’ll let you keep this gift, if you help me out in that department.” Xykon-doll blinked in astonishment, this was a lot to take in in a short time and technically his life had only begun less than a minute ago. “Well,” he finally answered, “if I get to help my mistress, then it’s worth it, besides it might be fun to bed a god.”

  15. - Top - End - #885
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    GreataxeFighterGirl

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Oh, and by the way, to our Swedish Crack Pairers: Greetings from the area formerly known as Östlandet.

  16. - Top - End - #886
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Griffon

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    So we have three independant people from Sweden in the Crack Pairings Thread. That's...more than I'd expect. Is writing crack a national hobby there or something?

  17. - Top - End - #887
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    GreataxeFighterGirl

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Sereg View Post
    So we have three independant people from Sweden in the Crack Pairings Thread. That's...more than I'd expect. Is writing crack a national hobby there or something?
    I'm actually from Finland, but an acceptable mistake there.

  18. - Top - End - #888
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Asta Kask's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Sereg View Post
    So we have three independant people from Sweden in the Crack Pairings Thread. That's...more than I'd expect. Is writing crack a national hobby there or something?
    Three? Monzach would be from our former colonies in Finland...

    My mother is a Finlandssvensk from Kyrkslätt outside of Helsingfors.
    Avatar by CoffeeIncluded

    Oooh, and that's a bad miss.

    “Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.”
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    Closak's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Funny little thing there...

    I'm from Sweden too...

    Never mentioned it until now though

  20. - Top - End - #890
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    GreataxeFighterGirl

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Asta Kask View Post
    Three? Monzach would be from our former colonies in Finland...
    Hehe.

    And I would like to thank you guys for bringing that thing called, er...cul-ture to us. Though you could have left the Christianity off.

    My mother is a Finlandssvensk from Kyrkslätt outside of Helsingfors.
    Very interesting. I'm from Helsinki - Helsingfors, myself.

  21. - Top - End - #891
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    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Closak View Post
    Funny little thing there...

    I'm from Sweden too...

    Never mentioned it until now though
    ...Wow.

    I'm from New York. My...Great grandparents came from Poland.

  22. - Top - End - #892
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    Asta Kask's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Sweden has a very strong representation on the net, far more than would be proportional. Also, we are rather good at English, since we don't dub our movies. So it's not as strange as it seems.
    Avatar by CoffeeIncluded

    Oooh, and that's a bad miss.

    “Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.”
    ― Tim Fargo

  23. - Top - End - #893
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Griffon

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Monzach View Post
    I'm actually from Finland, but an acceptable mistake there.
    Oops.

    Quote Originally Posted by Asta Kask
    Sweden has a very strong representation on the net, far more than would be proportional. Also, we are rather good at English, since we don't dub our movies. So it's not as strange as it seems.
    Ok. I think that there is only one other South African in the Playground though.

  24. - Top - End - #894
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Is this the psycho elf again?
    Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.

    Quote Originally Posted by Taekwondodo View Post
    I know people have answered this already but I wanted to add my two cents. Seeing Darius killed in front of her and knowing it was her fault would probably break her totally. Total loss of sanity.

    Seeing Red hurt would cause rage towards the tormentor. She really loves him, even though she was slow to admit it and seeing him hurt would be like someone coming after her. If she couldn't do anything it would be like the ABD going after her family.
    Hmm... What if no one in particular was hurting Redcloak? What if he was sick or dying from something she couldn't stop?

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    ...Wow.

    I'm from New York. My...Great grandparents came from Poland.
    NYC FTW!! :D :D :D (Sorry. I get really enthusiastic about my home.)

    Somewhere along the line, my mother's family came from Russia/Ukraine, and my dad's father's family came from Ireland. But really, I could say that I'm legally part-[insert half the world here].

    But back on topic... I have an update for 'Dumped on the Rooster'! Has anyone looked up the reference? Or is even curious?

    I can't think of anything here that violates the censors, so I'm going to post it here and on FF. I haven't had a lot of time to edit, so the quality may not be on par, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

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    “Come on, Elf. You can’t just sit on your own during the first day of school!”

    Elf grumbled softly, Red’s hand clamped firmly on a thin wrist and dragging the reluctant student through the Dining Hall. “I met a bunch of guys in my Literature and Math classes. They seem pretty cool. We’re going to sit with them and see if we can get hooked up.”

    “Red, the consequences of ‘hooking up’ far outweigh the—”

    “As long as no one does the nasty, we’re fine.” The red-haired student looked back at her roommate, green eyes sparkling. “Live a little. Get a guy that will help you let your hair down. I swear, I’ve only been your roommate for a night and I can already feel the tension from your side…”

    “Tension is not a foreign concept here! Red, I overheard a student being forcibly apprehended and beaten for the use of a vulgar word!” Elf glanced around before hissing softly in the human girl’s ear. “It was so vicious that I saw the blood soak through her bandages, clothes, and seat cushion during Cultural Studies.”

    Red was still smiling, but she looked a little paler. “Well, we can avoid that by not breaking any rules. I mean, we’re not going to be beaten by sitting with boys.”

    “I’m sure that there is a rule against it.”

    “One that everyone breaks! Anyway, I’m making you do this, so be friendly.”

    Red made a jerking motion, nearly ripping Elf’s arm out of its socket, and pulled her to a table of four boys. “Hey, guys! This is the roommate I told you about!”

    They were all wearing their uniform blue cloaks with white shirts and black pants, but their hoods were down. A halfling boy with scraggly auburn hair and brown eyes immediately took an interest in Elf, looking her up and down and frowning thoughtfully. A boy with skin the color of chocolate and a shaved head (and a very broad and well-muscled body, Elf had to admit) looked up, smiling and gesturing for them to sit. “You’re Elf, right? Red mentioned you.”

    Red forced the reluctant elf to sit. A blond boy with big blue eyes shuffled to sit next to her, smiling brightly, while a dwarf boy with a short brown beard, a shaved head, and dark eyes shook his head fondly.

    “I am Elf, yes,” Elf murmured softly.

    “Are you sure you’re a girl?” the halfling piped up, frowning at her. “I can’t tell!”

    Elf felt an instant sense of dislike flare and she simply narrowed her eyes. “I do not believe that that is any of your business.”

    “Of course she’s a girl. They wouldn’t let her in the girls’ dorms if they didn’t know that.” The dark skinned human paused, then frowned, glancing at the elf. “Right?”

    “She’s a girl.” Red winked flirtatiously at the blond boy. “So, Blondie, what class do you have next?”

    Blondie shrugged, smiling with an innocent gleam in his eyes. “Elven.”

    “Oh, what a surprise! So do I!”

    Elf rolled her eyes. “You will not learn Elven in a mere four years of classes.”

    “As long as I get a good grade, I don’t care,” Red said absently, leaning towards Blondie and smiling flirtatiously. “So anyway…”

    Elf rolled violet eyes before looking up at the room, watching the kids mill around with lunch trays. Two goblin boys sat at the table beside them, talking with the occasional swat to each other’s shoulders. The female elf frowned a little, noting that both boys were missing an eye—mirror images of each other.

    The one missing his right eye paused, apparently sensing her stare, and glanced up.

    One gold eye met violet.

    Elf took a sharp breath, scowling and looking away.

    “…So you speak Elven?”

    She jumped in surprise, looking up at the black-skinned human and wondering if he had been speaking to her, then nodded. “Of course.”

    The black-skinned human cocked his head, smiling wryly. “You think you can give me tips? Blondie, Red, Doppel, and I are the only new students in Elven One, and I already can’t make heads or tails of anything.”

    “Of course. What may I call you?”

    “Coal,” he said automatically, then he gestured to the dwarf sitting besides him. “And this is Dwarf.”

    The dwarf made a small waving motion.

    Elf dipped a delicate head. “Very well. What do you know so far of Elven?”

    “Basically, all I know is ‘Saesa omentien lle’ and ‘Namaarie’.”

    “It seems as though you have only looked at greetings and fairwells, then. And your accent is horrendous.”

    Coal shrugged, smiling sheepishly. “I told you I couldn’t make heads or tails of anything.”

    Elf shook out her wild hair, letting it cover half her face. “Well, then, we should work a little on your pronunciation if you are to make any progress whatsoever. Elven is too complex a language to mispronounce words and expect the listener to understand. Repeat after me: it is ‘Saesa…”

    ---

    “Good afternoon, class.”

    Elf frowned up at the teacher, pulling out a large theological studies textbook from her bag. A series of names were written on the whiteboard next to names of various minor deities. Her own name was beside ‘Crim’ and the deity Morpheus. The teacher was dressed in a Lethe-blue robe, though his brown hair was rumpled and his dark eyes looked achingly bored. That was a very bad sign for the first day of classes.

    “For those of you who don’t know, I’m Element.” The teacher faced the students, gesturing to piles and piles of books on either side of his desk. The entire classroom seemed to consist of three two-seat columns—two at the walls and one going through the center—and several rows, all facing the big wooden teacher desk and the whiteboard behind it. “You’re going to need these. But before I tell you why, do you all know each other?”

    Everyone shook their heads. Elf leaned forward, frowning, predicting an unpleasant class.

    And judging by the hand drifting along her thigh, it was going to be much worse than she thought.

    Elf grabbed the stray hand, twisting it and glaring at its owner.

    A succubus with dark skin, black curly hair, folded bat wings, and red eyes grinned at her with pointed teeth, playfully daring her to tell the teacher. They both knew well enough that any girl who participated in ‘objectionable’ activities, willingly or no, would be punished just as harshly as the dominant participant.

    Elf glared at her and threw her hand back, keeping violet eyes narrowed and hissing softly under her breath. “It would do you well to keep your hands to yourself.”

    The succubus chuckled lowly. “You might want to pay attention to the teacher, Elf.”

    Elf scowled and looked back at the front of the class, moving so she was on the edge of her seat farthest away from the succubus.

    “Alright, then. Consider this a good opportunity to get to know your classmates.” Element turned to the whiteboard, frowning at the names. “Patch?”

    “Yeah?”

    Elf turned to look at the two seats behind her and saw, with a slight pinkish color coming to a pale face, that the goblins the student had been staring at during the lunch period were behind her and the succubus. The goblin with his left eye missing—Patch—was ignoring her and looking at the teacher with mild interest, but the goblin beside him was staring at her with a slight frown on his face.

    Elf scowled at him and turned back to look at the teacher. The succubus reached over and lightly stroked her thigh, working inward slowly. Elf tried to jerk away without looking obvious, grabbing the succubus’s wrists and digging sharp nails in dark skin.

    The succubus winced and tried to pull away, but Elf simply dug the nails in deeper.

    “You’re paired with Tusk. You both are going to be researching the goddess Astraea. I’ll explain the details of the assignment once everyone is with their partners. She’s right there.”

    He gestured to the only half-orc in the whole class—possibly in the whole school—who was wearing the traditional blue cloak and was waving a green hand sheepishly, shyly shrinking back in the corner. Patch got up, flashing a grin at the other goblin, and sat beside her.

    The succubus jerked her arm out of Elf’s grip, ignoring the blood bubbling up from the nail marks, and gently ran her fingers along the slenderer creature’s abdomen, lifting the hem of her shirt gently.

    Elf tensed, eyes lighting on fire, and pulled a sharpened pencil casually from the bag, lightly fingering the tip and whispering from the corner of thin lips. “If you do not remove your appendage this instant, I shall put this in an extremely uncomfortable place for you, then use the rest of my writing implements to impale every area on your body that you have touched on mine.” Her tone dropped menacingly. “Do not make the mistake of assuming that I am bluffing.”

    The succubus jerked her hand back. “Playing hard to get, I see.”

    “This threat extends for our entire acquaintanceship, Demon.”

    “Elf?”

    Elf perked, looking completely nonchalant despite the conversation she was having, her ears twitching a little to listen to the teacher better. He arched an eyebrow before pointing behind her. “You’re researching Morpheus with Crim. Just move to the seat behind you and you’ll be with him.”

    The goblin boy? His name was ‘Crim’?

    Well, it had to be better than sitting next to Demon.

    Elf quickly gathered her things, glaring at the succubus before sitting next to the one-eyed goblin behind them.

    Crim looked over at her, a smile playing across his lips. The elf looked up at him, scowling, suddenly wondering how much of Demon’s abuse he had noticed. For his sake, he had better not be getting the wrong idea of what Elf would be willing to do to pleasure others. If he were getting the wrong idea, he would be the one getting a pencil in an uncomfortable place.

    He dipped his head respectfully, that smile still on his face, before he looked back at the front of the class.

    Elf brushed herself off, frowning distantly at the whiteboard and only breaking out of her haze once she had the instructions to the unnecessarily difficult project she was supposed to do with this one-eyed goblin.

    Speaking of which, Elf became awkwardly aware of said one-eyed goblin looking over her shoulder at the instructions. “Looks like we’ll need to look at the library for this, but we have a good… four months before the teacher wants anything.”

    Elf frowned up at him, shying away to get more personal space, and packed her bag, noting that the rest of the class was getting ready to leave.

    “Very well. We must research Morpheus, correct?” She dipped her head, frowning at the goblin suspiciously. “Meet me at the library after seventh period. The theology section is at the back—I have no classes during seventh period, so I shall begin working early.”

    “Don’t act so excited.”

    She crossed her arms defensively, swinging her bag over her shoulder. “It would do you well to only concentrate on the assignment. Something that the general student body has not yet realized is that I came here to learn, not to socialize. Do not be a part of that majority.”

    The goblin rolled his eye. “I can see that this will be a fun partnership already.”

    “I do not go out of my way to make things fun.” Elf huffed softly before taking her copy of the instructions. The goblin smirked despite himself. “Oh wipe that off of your face! You know what I meant!”

    The one-eyed goblin shrugged his shoulders before slinging his bag over his shoulders. “Alright, you don’t have to be friendly. Just be in the library after seventh period. And bring any other homework you have. We might be in there for a while.”

    Elf nodded tersely and trotted out of the door. Patch walked up to his brother, frowning after the purple-haired girl, and crossed his arms.

    “Brother, why are you still smiling? The elf seems like a pain to work with,” he said softly, folding up the instructions to his project into his pocket, presumably not to touch them again until a night before the first draft was due.

    “A total pain. But did you notice what Demon was pulling on her?”

    Patch frowned, ears twitching, and Crim started leading him out of the class. “Brother, I didn’t know that you were into stuff like that. But anyway, I don’t think she looked eager to have Demon’s hands all over her—I doubt she’ll let you do it.”

    Crim blinked in surprise, then his eye widened as he quickly shook his head. “What? No! I mean, she managed to fend for herself really effectively. She wasn’t the usual damsel in distress.” He smiled, crossing his arms and starting towards their next class. “It’ll be a pain to work with her, but it’ll be interesting.”

    “…Are we even sure it’s a girl?”

    “…” Crim frowned. “Come to think of it, I have no idea. I just get the feeling that she’s a girl.”

    “It’s an elf, Brother. You won’t know if it’s a girl or a guy until you see it without clothes.”

    Crim stared thoughtfully at the ground, unable to shake the feeling that he had indeed seen that. That he knew that the elf was a woman.

    The feeling faded and he shrugged it off.

    “I’ll check the dorm tonight, Little Brother. If she’s there, then he’s a he. If she’s not, then she’s a she.”

    “If she’s a she, then it looks like you have a shrew on your hands.” Patch pulled his hood up, a motion Crim mirrored, as their dean—an old man with white hair and a white cat in his arms—passed by. Neither wanted to be caught out of dress code. “I don’t envy you. Tusk seems like a nice girl, so I’m glad with my luck.”

    “Just make sure you don’t get caught making out with her or something.” Crim grinned and slipped into their next class. “At least that’s one thing I won’t have to worry about with the elf.”

    “True.”

    The brother sat down next to each other and waited for class to start.


    Thoughts?

    And if you haven't figured out the pairing yet, I'll give you a hint... It's Vaarsuvius/Redcloak! Seriously, how obvious do I have to be?
    Last edited by Water-Smurf; 2010-01-26 at 10:42 AM.

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    The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story


    Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.

  25. - Top - End - #895
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    New York
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    NYC FTW!! :D :D :D (Sorry. I get really enthusiastic about my home.)

    Somewhere along the line, my mother's family came from Russia/Ukraine, and my dad's father's family came from Ireland. But really, I could say that I'm legally part-[insert half the world here].
    Yeah, everyone in my family has roots in the Poland/Russia/Ukraine area.

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    But back on topic... I have an update for 'Dumped on the Rooster'! Has anyone looked up the reference?
    No I have not.

    Nice story, but why do they all have nicknames?

    ...Midterm time.

    Death Row, next in line speaking.
    Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2010-01-26 at 10:53 AM.

  26. - Top - End - #896
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Asta Kask's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Yeah, everyone in my family has roots in the Poland/Russia/Ukraine area.
    So Coffee and Water-Smurf are both from New York. Oh, the possibilities! Alas.

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    ...Midterm time.

    Death Row, next in line speaking.
    *sings*
    Abide with me; fast falls the eventide; the darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide. When other helpers fail and comforts flee, Help of the helpless, O abide with me.
    *stops singing*

    Why are you looking at me like that?
    Avatar by CoffeeIncluded

    Oooh, and that's a bad miss.

    “Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.”
    ― Tim Fargo

  27. - Top - End - #897
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Lubirio's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    I like this school setting, I figured out who all the characters were but three.
    Who're Tusk, Demon and Element?
    I would love to see this continuing, if you do make it continue, I'd make an offer every time something new's up.

  28. - Top - End - #898
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Asta Kask View Post
    So Coffee and Water-Smurf are both from New York. Oh, the possibilities! Alas.



    *sings*
    Abide with me; fast falls the eventide; the darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide. When other helpers fail and comforts flee, Help of the helpless, O abide with me.
    *stops singing*

    Why are you looking at me like that?
    What are you singing?

    In between last-minute studying, I went on this website to calm down. I ate comfort food. I listened to happy music. I took anti-anxiety medication!

    And I still feel like I'm going to vomit.

  29. - Top - End - #899
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Griffon

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    But back on topic... I have an update for 'Dumped on the Rooster'! Has anyone looked up the reference? Or is even curious?
    I tried, but I couldn't find anything that seemed to fit.

  30. - Top - End - #900
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Asta Kask's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    What are you singing?
    It's the hymn they played on the Titanic after it had hit the iceberg. Perhaps I should find something cheerier.

    Good luck. You'll do fine.

    Edit: I've been thinking about Tsukiko and Therkla... jilted and spurned by their true loves, they turn to other sources of comfort. And Therkla would be undead by now, so that's not a problem. I may do something with this.
    Last edited by Asta Kask; 2010-01-26 at 11:11 AM.
    Avatar by CoffeeIncluded

    Oooh, and that's a bad miss.

    “Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.”
    ― Tim Fargo

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