D&D Philosophy One-Liners

[golentan]

Since nobody seems to have done it yet: The Daigurren Brigade's philosophies as per the OP.

Kamina: A real man never retreats, no matter what the CR of his opponent.

Yoko: We've always counted on Simon to roll a Nat 20 at the last moment.

Rossiu: No matter how much you scorn me, it is my duty having taken the Leadership feat to protect my followers.

Leeron: The faster we roll the dice, the more we break free of the bonds of gravity. (Alt: I have a high dexterity modifier. Want to give it a test?)

Nia: I love Simon, but I just don't believe two characters can use the same character sheet.

Alt Nia: What the anti spirals desire is for humanity to collectively fail their will saves.

Anti Spirals: You have the exact same build as the characters in the last 100 campaigns. There is nothing special or unique about you.

Lordgenome: I used to be the big bad, but now I'm just around to make knowledge checks.

Viral: Now I see. You really munchkin-ed your build, simon.

Simon: Mine is the Improvised Weapon that will deal infinite piercing damage to the Outer Planes!!!!

[Telonius]

Any 1 that can be rolled, will be rolled. - Murphy

[Lycar]

"To play a fighter is to play the game.
To play a wizard is to understand the rules.
To understand the rules, and play a fighter, is to understand the game."

Lycar

[Freshmeat]

"Now we can use whirlwind attack!"

- Lieutenant General Chesty Puller

[Another_Poet]

"To play a fighter is to play the game.
To play a wizard is to understand the rules.
To understand the rules, and play a fighter, is to understand the game."

Lycar

* applause *

[BRC]

I sent the DM a wire stating, "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY GROUP THAT WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE LIKE ME AS A MEMBER".
"From the moment I picked your character sheet up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it."
"Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing gameplay. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins the game".
"No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his party member".
-Groucho Marx.
"Sell not Alignment to purchase GP, nor Liberty to purchase XP."
" A great Railroad Plot, like a great Cake, is most easily diminished at the Edges."
" All Wars are Follies, very expensive, and very mischievous ones. When will Mankind be convinced of this, and agree to settle their Differences by Diplomacy Checks? Were they to do it, even by the Cast of a Dye, it would be better than by Fighting and destroying each other."
"Our new Constitution is now established, and has an appearance that promises permanency; but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and the cost of a Raise Dead spell."
"Every character cries, a Party is absolutely necessary, but when they come to the Manner and Form of the Party, their weak builds are perfectly distracted"
-Benjamin Franklin

[Quincunx]

The DC is 42, but what are you rolling to discover?

[Thatguyoverther]

Tried to think of another one but this is as far as I got.

Schrodinger: "If you lock a commoner in windowless room with a enraged house cat..."

[Haberdashery]

John Lennon: "All you need is Love. And the 30 splatbooks giving Love more options and potential builds."

[The New Bruceski]

I shall not fail my fear save. Fear is the move action-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total party wipe. I will face my roll. I will permit the die to roll over me and through me. And when it has rolled past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the die has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
--Paul Atreides

[Tiktakkat]

"There are three kinds of lies; lies, damned lies, and your die rolls."

- Mark Twain (paraphrasing Sir Charles Wentworth Dilke)

[David the Gnome]

Not only does God play D&D, He sometims fudges die roles
Stephen Hawking

Life is a Symbl of Pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is making a bluff check.
Man in Black

[Calmar]

"If I were not Alexander, I should wish to be Pun-Pun."
- Alexander the Great

"I know that many will call this useless work."
- Leonardo da Vinci (after completing the Arms and Equipment Guide)

"I am convinced that a good session is 10% what the DM prepares and 90% how we react to it."
- Scipio Africanus

"Playing a paladin is domination of one part of the group over the rest of the group, and domination, moreover, that rests directly on coercion."
- Vladimir Lenin

[Amiel]

On Good

Aristotle: "What does it mean to be a good person?"

Descrates: "What does it mean to be?"

Nietzsche: "What does it mean?

Bertrand Russell: "What does it mean?"

C.S Lewis: "What does it?"

Lil John: "What?"

[Dimers]

On Good
Aristotle: "What does it mean to be a good person?"
Descrates: "What does it mean to be?"
Nietzsche: "What does it mean?
Bertrand Russell: "What does it mean?"
C.S Lewis: "What does it?"
Lil John: "What?"

Bill Clinton: "That depends on what you mean by 'is' ..."

[CTLC]

if you cant bring the mountain to Mohandas, you must cast shrink item on it

[Ormur]

Jean-Paul Sartre: The Abyss is other humanoids.

[RandomLunatic]

I want to know the DM's thoughts. The rest are just details.

-Albert Einstein

Only two things are infinite: PC stupidity and the layers of the Abyss, and I am not so certain on the Abyss.

-Albert Einstein

Humanoids are the only creatrue type that takes class levels-or has need to.

-Mark Twain

Reports of my demise are greatly exaggerated!

-Mark Twain, on Raise Dead

Well, I got better!

-Monty Python, on Raise Dead

[Killer Angel]

Socrates/DM: "So you're all in the cave..."

...and, after a brief moment, you can see that there are Shadows inside. (*rolls initiative*)

[Kaiyanwang]

Immanuel Kant: "The starry heavens above me, the moral law within me, two rogues flanking me. Crap."

"Reason can never prove the existence of god. Receive a Smite Evil, well, maybe"

"It is not god's will merely that we should be happy, but that we should make ourselves happy. Assuming he has the Happiness Domain, of course"

"All human knowledge begins with intuitions, proceeds from thence to concepts, and ends with a failed saving throw."

"Morality is thus the relation of actions to the autonomy of the will, that is, to a possible giving of universal law through its maxims. And when in doubt, cast detect good"

Lycar, I bow before you.

[Calmar]

"Gold and XP, reward and levels, are the only motives to a rational creature: these are the spur and reins whereby all player races are set on work, and guided."
- John Locke

"Everything that is possible demands to exist."
- Gottfried Leibniz, explaining the pseudonatural half-fey half-illithid troll

"Death, therefore, the most awful of evils, is nothing to us, seeing that, when we are, the cleric casts raise dead, reincarnation, resurrection, or true ressurection, and then, we are not."
- Epicurus

[Telonius]

Aristotle has a bunch of good ones.

"Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting a particular way... you become just by performing just actions, temperate by performing temperate actions, brave by performing brave actions." - Aristotle, denying a player's request for his Rogue to take a level dip in Fighter, despite never having trained with armor or weapons, just because his build plan demanded it

"Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime." - Aristotle, banning VoP for cheesiness. (Too bad he didn't run the numbers on it).

"To perceive is to suffer." - Aristotle, on the Rogue who just made his spot check to see the Symbol of Suffering.

"Wretched, ephemeral race, children of chance and tribulation, why do you force me to tell you the very thing which it would be most profitable for you not to hear? The very best thing is utterly beyond your reach: not to have been born, not to be, to be nothing. However, the second best thing for you is: to die soon." - Aristotle, DMing a Call of Cthulhu game.

[Godskook]

"What you must learn is that these rules are no different than the rules of any other gaming system. Some of them can be bent. Others can be broken." - Morpheus, The Matrix

[Jarrick]

"To play a fighter is to play the game.
To play a wizard is to understand the rules.
To understand the rules, and play a fighter, is to understand the game."

Lycar

Brilliant. Love it. Can I sig this?

[Saintheart]

More from Morpheus:

"D&D is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But look around you, what do you see? Fighters; sorcerers; bards - the very minds of the people we are trying to save. Understand, Neo, that most of these people are not yet ready to be min/maxed. And some of them are so inert, so dependent on the RAI, that they will die to protect it."

"I'm trying to min/max your character, Neo. But I can only show you the splatbooks. You're the one who has to read through them."

Macbeth: "Is this a light weapon I see before me, handle turned toward my off hand?"

[Tiktakkat]

After reading Saintheart's sig:

"The single best argument against organized play is five minutes' conversation with the average RPGA or Pathfinder Society member."
--Winston Churchill Me

[PhoenixRivers]

"And therefore never send to know for whom the die rolls; It rolls for thee."
-John Donne

Why should we subsidize character optimization?
-Ronald Reagan

[T.G. Oskar]

I dream that I play here
on these battles I charged,
and I dreamed that in a character
happier I saw myself.
What is life? A character sheet.
What is life? A d20,
A paper, a pencil,
And the greatest profit is Fabricate mixed with Wall of Iron;
For all of life is a game,
And gaming, is nothing but awesome.

--Segismund, Life is a Game (written by Spanish DM Pedro Calderón de la Barca)

The Socratic Gaming Paradoxes (which are no longer paradoxes):

* No one desires evil, except always Evil creatures.
* No one errs or does wrong willingly or knowingly, except for always Evil creatures. (This is specially true of Paladins)
* Fox's Cunning - all casts of Fox's Cunning - is knowledge.
* 9th level spellcasting is sufficient for happiness.

[PhoenixRivers]

"Give thy thoughts no Tongues,
Nor any unproportion’d thought his act.
Have thy familiar, but by no means animal companion.
Those party members thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them unto thy soul with party contracts;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch’d, unfledg’d player. Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel; but, being in,
Bear’t that the opposed may be crowd controlled.
Give every man thine listen check, but few thy bluff:
Take each man’s censure, but reserve thy Detect Evil.
Costly thy magic items as thy WBL can buy,
But not express’d in fancy; useful, not gaudy:
For the apparel oft proclaims the man;
And they in Waterdeep of the best rank and station
Are most select and generous chief in that.
Neither a monk nor a fighter be:
For monk oft loses both itself and friend;
And fighter dulls the edge of 'CC'.
This above all,—to thine own rolls be true;
And it must follow, as the lawyers the RAW,
Thou canst not then be false to any DM."

-Polonius, Retiring DM.

[T.G. Oskar]

"I have no more than twenty levels of Wizard," he replied, "the whole of which I acquired myself with the help of my planar allies; and our labor keeps off from us three great evils-demons, devils and yugoloths."

--The Turk, a 20th level Wizard NPC, speaking to Candide and his adventuring group. Candide, or the Campaign Setting, by Francois-Marie Arouet (Voltaire)

"There is a concatenation of all events in the best of possible worlds; for, in short, had you not been kicked out of a fine castle for the notes of the Dungeon Master; had you not been put into the Ravagers; had you not traveled over Faerun on foot; had you not run the Baron through the body; and had you not lost all your levels, which you earned from the good slaying of dragons, you would not have been here to eat stale soup and drink watery ale."

"Excellently observed," answered Candide; "but let us kill some orcs."

--Candide, a (de-leveled) 1st level Human Fighter, retorting to Doctor Pangloss, a (de-leveled and resurrected) 1st level Human Wizard. Candide, or the Campaign Setting, by Francois-Marie Arouet (Voltaire)