Is it wrong to prefer someone as a mate due to their cultural/ethnic features?

[Pika...]

I have always debated if this was wrong or downright prejudice of myself, and I have felt guilty at times due to some incidents.

You see this question came up yesterday when I met a cashier at a restaurant/buffet in my local area a girl with an amazing southern accent. She sounded like a southern belle. Since I was a young teen I have always melted at a nice southern accent on a girl, so I ended trying to chat her up after (no luck, but at least I am trying!).

Also, I noticed that she was Caucasian, and very fair in skin tone (even a few freckles). Even though I am not Caucasian I have always had a "preference" for such girls in my life, usually a girl with blue or green eyes and blond or red hair getting my eye in a room long before most other types. Strangely, my own race's women being among the last I notice.

Does this make me prejudice? Or does this merely fall under "tastes"? Or is this what I believe is termed "reverse racism"?


Thanks for any advice and input beforehand!

[Flickerdart]

I don't think personal preference can really be considered "wrong"* for anything, just like there really can't be a universal "right" way to find someone attractive. Now, were you to write a 20-page essay detailing the empirical, objective superiority of such women to any other sort of woman, that might have been a little overboard.

*Except anything to do with Twilight. That's wrong.

[Dallas-Dakota]

Nope, or atleast I certainly hope it's not.



Otherwise I'l be damn ''wrong'' (sometimes), there are some beautifull and smart girls out there, but they're just not my ''type'', for some reason the spark just isn't there.

And it's not like I can really controll when there's that chemical present.

[CDR_Doom]

It's just your taste. Everybody sees certain characteristics in other people that they find immediately attractive. Like Flickerdart said, racism would be to believe that those people you find attractive are in some way superior as human beings.

[Totally Guy]

If it is then where do we draw the line? Am I sexist because I prefer women?

Some people make me feel very guilty over this. They're open minded which makes me a closed minded sexist individual.

[Pika...]

Ah, I see the difference now. Thank you. I was under the impression that preferring someone for their race/ethnic features/etc for whatever reason = racism.

[Nameless]

Of course not. Everyone has their personal preferences. Finding someone aesthetically attractive for their ethnic background is no different from finding someone aesthetically attractive for their size, hair colour or body shape.

[CDR_Doom]

If it is then where do we draw the line? Am I sexist because I prefer women?

Some people make me feel very guilty over this. They're open minded which makes me a closed minded sexist individual.

What? That's ridiculous. Those so-called "open minded" people don't sound very open minded to me, otherwise they would accept your position with... wait for it... an open mind! Personal preferences are just that. I don't have to be gay to accept someone else's choice, I just have to accept their choice. I don't like most sushi either, but not ordering it when my friends do doesn't make me a sushi bigot, it just means I don't like to eat seaweed.

[Syka]

I 'prefer' caucasians, I guess you could say. I mean, I've been attracted to black men, Asian men, Indian men, etc., but my area is predominately white. For 'taste' purposes, just looking at the physical, I'd actually say I 'prefer' Middle Eastern and Indian guys. If you go by my dating history, it would be blondes with blue eyes. *shrug* 'Tastes' don't always denote what will happen.

As an interesting aside, my best friend's boyfriend is a black. My sisters fiance is half-Korean. It was an amusing day when I realized I was the only one in my 'family' who was dating a 'full' caucasian (I'm pretty sure his geneology is just the British Isles plus some German).

[Klose_the_Sith]

I think it's actually common to be attracted to people of a different ethnicity, especially if you're say Jewish and were raised being told to go after Jewish girls only.

Think of it as anything else with children, try and make them listen to classical music and they'll wind up hating the stuff (in most cases).

Naturally exceptions bla bla etc. boring stuff, I'm probably wrong

Either way I agree with what was already said here - it's just a feature that you find attractive. If anything I'd be concerned about the factors that led you to worry about such a personal preference.

[Icewalker]

The line which divides the two is choice. If you are attracted to someone, you just are. It's not something we control, and its just what your hormones, genes, and whatnot, is telling you. If you choose preference of a race, culture, or whatever else, then it is prejudice.

[Totally Guy]

What? That's ridiculous. Those so-called "open minded" people don't sound very open minded to me, otherwise they would accept your position with... wait for it... an open mind!

It's all just inside my head.

Most of my friends are not straight and I often feel like the odd one out. It must be how most gay people feel surrounded by straight people. It's very lonely because I don't know anyone that's found themselves feeling that way. And when a straight guys feels it it's almost insulting as we've never been a persecuted minority.

I mean, I can remember coming out to my Dad as straight. When he'd thought for some time that I wasn't. I'm not even camp.

I need to get past this somehow.

Edit: "We are Family"? I wish I had family.

[Tequila Sunrise]

Ah, I see the difference now. Thank you. I was under the impression that preferring someone for their race/ethnic features/etc for whatever reason = racism.

Nope. Racism = "White women are the hottest. And if you don't think so, you're wrong." Racism also makes unfounded judgments about people based on their race. For example "White women are hott; other women are not. Therefore, any given non-white woman is probably ugly."

Anyway, I think we all tend to be attracted to people with different physical traits than ourselves. It's for the same reason that nobody (okay, most of us) don't like our own hair -- 'the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence' as the saying goes.

I'm white, and white women are definitely not at the top of my attraction list.

[shadow_archmagi]

Finding that one race or culture commonly contains aesthetic traits you find pleasing is not racism.

[Kneenibble]

Welcome to the New World Order, Glug! *maniac gay laughter*

I can think of racist reasons for such a preference. Men who want an asian woman, for example, because they think she will be more submissive and domestic, or a black woman for perceived likelihood of sexual appetite.

Or far more harmless reasons -- all the friends I've had who taught English overseas found that (some) Japanese and Korean girls like to have a Canadian or American boyfriend, because he treats her less chauvinistically than the local stock.

But all that has to do with culture, often conflated with race. I think aesthetics is a quite neutral and harmless reason for preference. I have an aesthetic preference in that regard myself.

[Faulty]

There's not really a problem with finding certain physical features. I think fetishizing race is racist though. The people who love "Asian" women and have "yellow fever" I think are implicit racists.

[Nameless]

Nope. Racism = "White women are the hottest. And if you don't think so, you're wrong." Racism also makes unfounded judgments about people based on their race. For example "White women are hott; other women are not. Therefore, any given non-white woman is probably ugly."

No, Racism = "This race is always bad... But this race is always good." Not just white people.
Racism applies to other races too. It's surprising, I know, but it actually happens every day.
ferlz.

[Pika...]

Thanks for the point of views folks. I am glad to see I was not being prejudice by all this.

I'm white, and white women are definitely not at the top of my attraction list.

Want to swap places for my queue in line for a latina?

[Kneenibble]

Now if your reasons are anything like Little John's from Requiem for a Dream, then we have a problem.

[RabbitHoleLost]

Everyone's already answered your question, Pika, but I just wanted to through in my own preference for Latinos and Asians.
Granted, I typically end up dating white men, but preferences aren't the end-all, are they?

[Kuma Da]

Just throwing in my two cents here, but I think preferences are one of those things best described as Mostly Harmless. For the most part, they're nothing to feel guilty over, but they can sometimes make people uncomfortable in a "you just like me 'cause I'm X" way. And this goes for everything from ethnicity to physical build to demeanor. I think, as long as the X isn't the be-all-end-all of your attraction to a person, you should be fine.

[Faulty]

Asia is a large place, and I find it kind of offensive when people say "I like Asians" and they mean "I like East Asians."

Also, race is more a cultural perception than anything. Even among different "races", people vary wildly, so it seems like saying "I like X race more" is kind of silly. It might make more sense to say "I tend to prefer lighter skinned people", or something similar. Espousing the virtues of such and such a race is, I'd say, implicitly racist, because forcing a bunch of (arguably) positive physical traits is bad, too.

[Deth Muncher]

Welcome to the New World Order, Glug! *maniac gay laughter*

I'm not entirely sure why this scares me more than anything ever has in my life, but it does.

Now, Pika. I've seen you posting things like this over the past few months. It's totally okay. This is only BARELY close to the eugenic idea of breeding for specific traits, and I mean, who DOESN'T do that? :P

But y'know, you should feel glad you know what you like. Me? Other than the fact that I know I like the womenfolk, I can't seem to pick my preference. I thought it was Caucasians with long brown hair and brown eyes. Now? I've been attracted to almost anything. It's annoying.

[Umael]

It's not prejudice. It's being discriminating.

And that's not necessarily a bad thing because it is done all the time.

For example, a prospective employer WILL be discriminating in its decision on whom to hire - but it is illegal, unethnical, and immoral to have these discrimination be based on race, sex, age, sexual preference, religion, religion, or nationality (unless the job REQUIRES something of the kind - can't be a Catholic priest without being Catholic, can't work in the sex store if you're a minor, etc.). The discrimination that an employer uses is the kind to tell whether the potential hire has the skills and attitude to do the job well and fit into the company sub-culture.

People also discriminate in their tastes of music and food and entertainment. I don't care for country, Texas-style BBQ, or rodeos. But I won't hold it against someone who does, and I might even enjoy myself if subjected to one of the following - but as a trend, no.

As someone who is interested in dating, you are going to be discriminatory too, because that is only natural - for everyone, not just you. And it's not even as if there is check-list of things that are "must-have" or "deal-killers", but more of an intuition of "preferred/not-preferred".

Your list might include:
Must be a woman
Strongly desire open-minded
Prefer Caucasians
Green-eyes and long red-hair a plus
Southern-accent definitely a bonus

...but that doesn't mean that you won't bump into an African-American woman who shows you a good time or met an American Native who wins your heart.

Just note your preferences, be honest with yourself, and treat anyone who expresses an interest in your with respect even if you aren't interested back.

[bibliophile]

I think it's fine. Everyone has different tastes.

[RabbitHoleLost]

Asia is a large place, and I find it kind of offensive when people say "I like Asians" and they mean "I like East Asians."

Also, race is more a cultural perception than anything. Even among different "races", people vary wildly, so it seems like saying "I like X race more" is kind of silly. It might make more sense to say "I tend to prefer lighter skinned people", or something similar. Espousing the virtues of such and such a race is, I'd say, implicitly racist, because forcing a bunch of (arguably) positive physical traits is bad, too.

No. Really. I like Asians (Not exclusively "East Asians", thank you), mostly because a large majority of them have light tan to darker tan tones of skin and darker hair and eyes, and are often of a skinnier, shorter build (With the exception of Russia, for the most part).
I know this trend among that specific area of the world, hence, instead of listing off all of that when someone asks what my type is, I say "Asians".
Or Latinos, for the generally same answer.

[Jack Squat]

Pika, move on down here - it'd practically be paradise for you

I always figured part of the candidacy for someone to be a mate is attraction - some of which undoubtedly must be physical. Since someone's appearance is based off of what they're ancestry is and where they grew-up/live, it's quite impossible to find someone attractive without having some bias towards those features.

[Faulty]

No. Really. I like Asians (Not exclusively "East Asians", thank you), mostly because a large majority of them have light tan to darker tan tones of skin and darker hair and eyes, and are often of a skinnier, shorter build (With the exception of Russia, for the most part).
I know this trend among that specific area of the world, hence, instead of listing off all of that when someone asks what my type is, I say "Asians".
Or Latinos, for the generally same answer.

I wasn't addressing you, sorry if you felt I was. I just found that "Asians" is often subtituted for "East Asians".

[RabbitHoleLost]

I wasn't addressing you, sorry if you felt I was. I just found that "Asians" is often subtituted for "East Asians".

Yeah, well, considering it came shortly after my post, it felt a little patronizing on my part.
But, eh, I tend to be incredibly defensive, so my apologies in return.

[Ravens_cry]

The line which divides the two is choice. If you are attracted to someone, you just are. It's not something we control, and its just what your hormones, genes, and whatnot, is telling you. If you choose preference of a race, culture, or whatever else, then it is prejudice.

But what if you look at your choices over the long term, notice a pattern and then say 'Yeah, I don't find many black (white, red, green) women all that attractive.' Same outer result, different (?) internal logic.