Iron Poet IX

[Koury]

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
...
Yeah...

No, those aren't right.

Those AREN'T right!

I mean, maybe if we could just switch the order around or something...

I don't know man. Maybe theres no point in arguing it. No point to any of it.

*sigh* OK, thats right.

[Errandir]

Are you sure? Because I really thought 'hate' was in there someplace...

Or maybe that's something else.

[Arti3]

Thats the descent into Sith-hood. Those are the stages of grief.

[Szilard]

Soon like the day after tomorrow, I'm afraid.

This was like 5 days ago....

Any other judges not swamped with work or laziness want to put up their judgments? It'd be ironic if someone posted their judgyness right when I posted this.

[Errandir]

Hey, take it easy. There's no rush. I'm enjoying still being in the competition.

[Arti3]

I don't mind not knowing, but knowing wouldn't be bad....
Woah.

[Vaynor]

Judges? Come on guys, let's get this going.

[Szilard]

Please? .

[Devigod]

I plan on wrapping my judgments up tonight. My apologies for the wait; I've had a long two weeks.

Edit: Finished them despite a computer overheat. Below are the posted verdicts... the critiques/explanations are still forthcoming because I wrote them blind to username (I saved all pieces as files after the deadline and shuffled them up) and it's nearly 3 AM where I am and I'm tired and I want to stop feeling guilty for holding anything up...

So I have verdicts, and commentary is forthcoming. If the poets would like to wait for the commentary before reading the verdicts, they may wait for me to organize my thoughts and post them. I've had a long night, and I'll try and get to it tomorrow.

Verdicts:

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Aligned

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The Extinguisher

Calm

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Puppychowguy

Earthen

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Errandir

Harmonious

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PhoeKun

Torrid

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wadledo

Up

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The Fiery Tower

Unspoken

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Arti3

Valerous

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drengnikrafe

You'll get the rest later. Imagine what it must have been like writing critiques for 16 poems. I have a newfound respect for judges.

[Elfin]

I, too, have a newfound respect for the judges. And I apologize profusely for the delay.
(The critiques aren't as much critiques as judgments, for which I apologize as well. They're also quite sketchy - I'll try to include more depth in the next round.)
I've also included a 'favorite line' for each poem.

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DreamintheDark vs. The Fiery Tower
Prompt: Up

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DreamintheDark:

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Quite an interesting idea, thinking of going up as being stuck rather than as a release into happiness. You play against assumptions: the wings hold her back from flying.

Punctuation can multiply interpretation possibilities but here it seemed to distract from the meaning. As a consequence, it was hard to connect many of the creative metaphors.
Is this poem about giving up on dreams and love? Is it equating love with an insubstantial dream? Is it about being isolated from others? Is she stuck because she doesn’t have the capacity for love or because she’s not having her love returned?

Favorite line: “She tries to fly;/The wretched wings;/Hold her back,”

The Fiery Tower:

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Structurally a lot of fun. By shortening the length of each successive line, you created a graphic version of “up.” You tackled the challenge of maintaining a rhyme scheme (ababccdeed) against the current of the ever-decreasing line length.
The narrator of the poem makes an anti-gravitational jump against anxiety & fear. The poem itself makes nods to transcendence, mental disquietude, metaphysics–but these ideas are introduced more than explored. Maybe the choice of a small poem package hampered you from extending these big ideas. Feels like a poem that’s just getting rolling.
Word choice reaction – “peer” feels not quite right for how one would look at a starry sky…

Favorite line: “I’ll make physics bow,/Its laws shout.”

Verdict:

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DreamintheDark.

AJWB vs. drengnikrafe
Prompt: Valorous

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AJWB:

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Imaginative interpretation of both the word & the photo. Clever, surprising; double entendres throughout. Unfaltering limerick form was a good match for the humorous content.
Thanks for the laughs!
Favorite line: “Men of the sea”

drengnikrafe:

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The strength is that in this poem of movement and action; valor comes in as a moment of stillness which carries the wanderer forward. It does leave me wondering, though, what the source of the courage might be - no less than why the trees were set against him.
You got started on a narrative, atmospheric poem, but a narrative can benefit from character development; who is this Wanderer and where does his freedom lie?

Favorite line: “He plunges under the reach of his arborous foes”

Verdict:

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AJWB.

Errandir vs. Rutskarn
Prompt: Earthen

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Errandir:

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Strong descriptive language and rhythm.
First three stanzas work especially well, leading traveler to “the earth’s great noiseless heart.”
There seems to be a shift, a passage of time, in stanzas four & five but it’s not clear. Indication of what might come to pass? Or has it come to pass already?
Favorite line: “A city forms in streets and docks/And bridges curved against the sky.”

Rutskarn:

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Very nice.
Effective building with words; integration of expression & ideas. The poem grows from individual to city, scales up. Nice contrasting images: “sunburnt brain” becomes “heads cooled by the shade of man’s creation.”
Combines specific images (“What castaways accomplish with stacked stones and fire,/We attempt with masonry and pigment.”) with abstract ideas (this making a mark is part of human nature).

Favorite line: “To say, with paint that glows with heat and windows that shine like daytime stars,/That we are here.”

Verdict:

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Rutskarn.

The Extinguisher vs. Kurosawa
Prompt: Aligned

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The Extinguisher:

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Like the visual imagery of the cables’ shadows as prison bars – nice “jumping off” from photo.
But it doesn’t become a fully realized metaphor – why is the internal prison responsive to evanescent shadows? Seems to be adding up to a person who’s tormented but actually wants help.

Favorite line: “I watch the prison bars bend and break”

Kurosawa

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Played with bridge associations on many different levels, from the personal to the cosmic - went to idea of apocalyptic alignment
Perky rhythm in contrast to bleak message
Favorite line: “Amidst the smell of burning bridge our tilted spaceship flies"

Verdict:

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Kurosawa.

Arti3 vs. Fifty-Eyed Fred
Prompt: Unspoken

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Arti3

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I like the unexpected direction you took for “unspoken” –
Evocative of traditional tales – competition, wagering, magic paintbrush. Especially like the descriptions at the end (“All around the first,/Monks wear icicles/And singed cloth” and “The other, a carnival/Of the emotional kind.”)
The “BWONGs” aren’t necessary, I think, because you’ve already broken the poem into many small sections that visually break it up in much the same way. Attention to the cadence of the language could help unify the various sections.
Creative storytelling.
Favorite line: “Wars rise, and peace/Flourishes on these pages.”

Fifty-Eyed Fred

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The poem’s observations about the limits of words are compelling and genuine.
Lovely rhythm.
Metaphors go in lots of directions. There are those related to connections/disconnections between people (we speak, one great flow of body and soul, true selves, writing of the soul, poetry of our lives unspoken) and the unifying, recurrent imagery of soil (words cannot take root, hands of soft clay, spread roots throughout fertile soil, deep underground). But then the ricocheting balls and bullets that don’t reach targets seem misplaced (though effective on their own).
Favorite line: “We speak, yet words cannot take root”

Verdict:

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A tough one, but I'll go with Arti3.

Belkarsbadside1 vs. Puppychowguy
Prompt: Calm

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Belkarsbadside1

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Looks good; it’s interesting how you interpreted ‘calm’ as not the actual feeling of the picture (quite the opposite, in fact), but as what leaving the pictured place will bring.
However, the rhythm of the poem, while alright, is rough in a few places – and especially since you chose to make the poem a rhyming one, keeping the rhythm is very important.

Favorite line: “The pebbles ****ter clatter beneath my feet/a metronome for the rhythm of the street.”

Puppychowguy

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Highly charged, with lots of vivid imagery.
On the suggestions side – you’ve created a strong personal vision, but leave a lot of questions for the reader. Who is addressing the Midnight Traveller? Who is the Midnight Traveller? Is the calm the salvation at the end?
Favorite line: “Men are trapped, down on their knees, bending backwards with arms held out as if showing off lengths of injustice”

Verdict:

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Again, a tough one. I'm going to choose Puppychowguy, though, as his poem has a stronger rhythm, in my opinion.

PhoeKun vs. Szilard
Prompt: Harmonious

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PhoeKun

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There’s a lot of excellent and evocative imagery in here – but I think that it would be better off without the Arthurian references. While you tried to integrate them into the rest of the poem, I don’t think they add anything to it, instead distracting the reader from the great, vivid descriptions. I’d advise either trying to develop them more, or dropping them altogether.
Finishing your poem, I’m left feeling unfulfilled because of this: it’s as if I’ve read two separate poems that were put together, one only half-finished.

Favorite line: “A deep breath and a soft sigh tell the room how I am feeling.”

Szilard

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I like how you created a harmony from the sounds of the boy’s hand against the fence, the singing bird and the wind – excellent integration of both prompts.
Overall, a fine job.

Favorite line: “whish/a-chink-a/tweety-chirp"

Verdict:

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Szilard.

Wadledo vs. Alarra
Prompt: Torrid

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Wadledo

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You did a good job making the reader feel the sadness and loneliness of the speaker.
There wasn’t much of the prompt, though – the heat, while mentioned, doesn’t seem as overwhelming as the word ‘torrid’ suggests.

Favorite line: “I am, nor never was/a beauty”

Alarra

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Good poem; I like how you spun a story out of the prompts.
In addition, nice use of two senses of the word “torrid” (both ardent and oppressively hot).

Favorite line: “the sun a drumbeat on our backs”

Verdict:

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Alarra.

[drengnikrafe]

This judging has really left me on the edge of my seat.

[Arti3]

Is yours 2x2? Yikes.
Also, Vaynor: Viera champion changed his named to Kurama.

[Devigod]

Just posting to announce that critiques will have to wait until tomorrow, due to an overflow of school related work on my behalf. I'll put them up as soon as possible, Tuesday is in the books, and Wednesday or Thursday are worst case scenarios.

[drengnikrafe]

[Scrubbed by self]

I got a little confused by the rules based on the comment two posts above my own.

[Rutskarn]

Uh, Dreggi, I believe they actually prefer you not say that. That's why they spoiler their results--I think the judges prefer not to know what other people are giving people's poems.

[Viera Champion]

Actually, that's pretty much a rule. The judges aren't supposed to know what the other judges chose until they are done their judging. It's unfair otherwise.

[Devigod]

Alright; here are the critiques to the previously released judgments. It should be noted that, because it had been late at night when I originally posted the raw judgments, and because I had had to look up usernames (I read the pieces blindly without knowledge of the author and thus had to look them up to post names) I made a mistake in the valorous prompt match-up. My deepest apologies for this mistake, but it is remedied below, so please use the updated version for my judgments.

Additionally, as something of a disclaimer, I, tragically, was a little meaner and more critical than I wanted to be with these critiques. Part of it was perhaps the time pressure, and I just wanted to give as much feedback as possible for ways to improve, so please take what I've written with a grain of salt and think of me as a grumpy kid who had to read these at the expense of sleep because I've had a busy few weeks.

Thank you to all the poets who contributed and gave me something to read. My apologies that I had to rush through some of this, but next round shall be less stressful on my end and hopefully more challenging on yours!

Verdicts:

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The Extinguisher vs. Kurosawa: Aligned

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The Extinguisher

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First off, it may sound like nitpicking, but either stick to grammatical and spelling conventions (i.e. inconsistent capatalization, a sun forms, suns form, and the second passed which should be past), or differ from them for a reason (i.e. punning, special emphasis, ect). Regardless, this is merely a convention, and with those exceptions, doesn't do the piece harm. I think I should note that modification of these conventions is only to be attempted by the very experienced, and the very careful for a calculated effect, and warn you not to try it again.
That said, you are able to very quickly establish both your speaker's voice and his (his being a gender-neutral term in this case) emotions. I very much admire your direct and concise approach to the prompt, but also your ability to construct your piece about a larger metaphor; the concrete prison.
Your brevity and simplicity of the language supports your approach, but to me, simplifies your character. Your speaker feels confined, trapped, and yet he expects aid. Your speaker watches the cars drive by while he contemplates killing himself (at least, by my interpretation), and yet, when he denies it at the end of the day, his decision lacks finality. Some might view this cliff-hanger/endline question as a strength, but to me, it seems to make the poem fall flat. To me, this is because if you're going to make the subject of your poem so focused around this question, this struggle, and this focus on isolation, only to imply that it drags on after an apparent end came to pass seems unfair. Then again, that might be the point.

I think you did well with the piece, and I think that with your approach it was appropriate to go with blank verse (rather than a rhyme), but it seems like it could use a little bit more oomph and a little bit of tightening up. Whether you want to keep the raw and simple language or vary it a little is up to your discretion.

Kurosawa

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First of all, let me say; I don't mean to sound mean in any way- I am only attempting to provide constructive criticism. Now, I need to tell you- your rhyme and metric form damage your piece. In most poetry, rhyme and meter are supposed to support, emphasize, beautify the stream of language, but in your case, it clunks.

You use very heavy enjambment in this piece- an audacious move, but one that clashes with your language. Speicifically, when you enjamb, (in other words allow a sentence or thought to spill into the next line) your language needs to be tight, concise. Your form is somewhat damaged when a thought that runs through the lines doesn't actually compose a sentance (specifically in lines 7 and 8, you have a dependant clause that goes unanswered). It seems that the sentance was clipped in order to maintain the meter and rhyme, to the expense of the poem itself.

This wouldn't be a concern if your meter was a little more consistent in the piece (a particular instance of this would be at the end of line 5). Your problem seems one of tempo; you establish a tempo, sometimes adding on an extra foot to extend the line, but follow it up with something that just sounds clunky. Your rhyme, on the other hand, is solid, though I have a personal reservation about rhyming death with itself.

Nevertheless, your piece is successful in many ways; specifically, you very effectively convey a sense of oncoming doom. I appreciate the elegant language that you employ- the piece liberally varies synonyms to keep the context fresh (with the exception of bridge, but how many synoyms are there for that?!). Your imagery is vivid and your language is in the right tier, but frankly, I think your poem was stunted because you tried to fit it into lyric meter, but couldn't quite do it.

As far as the content goes; I have one other comment to provide- namely, that in the first line, you conjure a speaker, but he seems to fade away completely in the second quatrain, and only provide a subjective context in the third and fourth quatrains (i.e. the wes and ours). As far as poetry goes, when a speaker is provided, it is done so to allow internal dialogue. These thoughts and fears are expressed explicitely (confining me within) in the first quatrain because he (he being a gender-neutral term in this case) considers his position, but the rest of the piece has no such personality because the narrator's perspective is lost.

If you wanted to improve the piece, I would suggest either tightening the meter and rhyme or dropping it entirely so that you might embellish the narrative. The same can go for the speaker; I would either drop him entirely and make the commentary stand on its own, or improve his dialectic.

Overall, it is clear you have a vision for a piece, and the complex langauge is there... it just needs tightening up.

Verdict

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The Extinguisher. The Extinguisher's piece, while simpler in langauge, was cleaner cut and less marked by error. Both pieces were brief (which can be either positive or negative, based on reader), conformed very well to the prompt, and had purpose, but the Extinguisher's had better execution and, once a speaker was established, allowed him to be better spoken and more personal.

BelkarsBadside1 vs. Puppychowguy: Calm

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BelkarsBadside1

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I think it's amusing that the site censored your poem, unless that was your own doing. I'm going to guess that you got censored for an s followed by hit or maybe even hat, regardless of following content, but don't worry about me making such sweeping judgments based on this. If nothing else, it's a nice little internal consonant matchup for the line.

Nevertheless, onto the work itself!
Your rhyme scheme here is good, with a couple of slip-ups although if you were attempting to write metric poetry, it's a little off beat. Nevertheless, this shouldn't worry you; the piece is good and evocative even if it isn't necessarily tight. It is my humble opinion that every poem is a continually evolving form of art, and that if one isn't able to find things that they could say better and change, then one isn't looking hard enough. Polish and shine are never bad things to do to your poetry.

The character gets developed somewhat in that it's obvious that the tempered chaos of the city- measured and rhythmic and yet agitating noise bothers him, but why does it make him consider killing himself? What, necessarily is his addiction? You have a good introduction, and maintain the first person perspective through the work, but some of the language you use seems as if it is for the sake of artfulness without connection to the character (i.e. mentioned addiction, but not anything like an addiction or anything to be compared to it).

Nevertheless, this is nitpicking. You guys get a week to write these pieces. It's a good piece. There's a story and theme, which is great, it just needs some tightening up in regards to your meter (as it seems you had it in mind, at least partially) and your rhyme scheme.

Puppychowguy

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Side nitpick: "it's" stands for "it is". The possessive for it (owned by it) is spelled "its".

Maybe it's just me, but I think that repetition, especially end-line repetition is demeaning to the rest of the work. It might be a matter of taste, but if you want to rhyme your end lines do it, and if you don't, then don't. Repetition, however, is more successful when it is used in support of the language and the overall poem, or when it is employed with variance of actual words (night -> nocturne, dark, nox). To me, the use of night three times in three lines is dull, although I'm fine with 'The Midnight Traveller' because you reestablish him as an agent in each quatrain, and it is obviously an important element of the poem. 'Beaten', on the other hand, is also okay, because you introduce new images to the word and it isn't set at the end-line as if I'm supposed to rhyme it with itself. Those are nitpicks of mine, however, and purely up to taste.

Your language otherwise, is superb; I had to look up copacetic and was satisfied when I had wetted my tongue with it. The rest of it (flame-thrower lips, black tar faces) composes elaborate images, and compliments the piece. The rhythm is something all its own, but satisfies even in the long and drawn out lines. The blank verse is more pronounced and conducive to the piece because of this unique rhythm; you don't confine yourself to rhymes (except in my scruples with night...night...night).

The piece as a tapestry is masterful. While you start out with something here and something there, you quickly develop a world of eerie calm, a nameless hero, (is the midnight traveller the moon, considering that he seems so sublime?) and a sense of wonder as to where it's all going. Nevertheless, it flows organically and natrually and drives towards your somehow appropriate nuclear ending . Overall, I really liked this piece despite a couple of simple reservations; you were very successful in your abstract style.

Verdict

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Puppychowguy. Puppychowguy's piece was masterfully and beautifully executed. It had language and rhythm, imagery and structure. My only reservations with it were personal, whereas BelkarsBadside1's seemed to be lacking a bit of polish.

Errandir vs. Rutskarn: Earthen

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Errandir

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Nice rhymed couplets; you maintain rhyme and meter well. There is little I can offer this piece as far as constructive criticism goes; you managed to follow the prompt precisely and artfully, without a flaw, but that's not to say it's perfect. Your imagery and language are doubtless strong, but never underestimate the importance of vision, review and revision. Your vision is here, and very clear. Nevertheless, I like it.

Rutskarn

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Because you decide to go with free verse in this piece, your voice is lilting and continuous. Your imagery is bountiful and beautiful, and your themes (power, effort) definitely shine through the work. Nevertheless, where there is internal rhyme (flow and glows), it is great, and leads me to believe that you may have rhymed more had you been able to.

Verdict

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Errandir. Both pieces were very good, bursting with the language of poetry and the imagery, but in the end, I chose Blocks and Sand because its successful rhyme and meter made it more elegant. Wrought to Heaven flirted with this idea in the eighth and ninth lines in the second stanza, but all in all was only a tease while Blocks and Sand felt more poetic, more complete, and was more true to the prompt (almost as if the picture were a snapshot) whilst Wrought to Heaven was more of a very well written narrative commentary. I, however, have little constructive criticism to either piece, for better or worse.

Slizard vs. PhoeKun: Harmonious

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Slizard

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Interesting piece- it is definitely headed in a direction; the tempo is unique, although the scraping sound seem out of place. This is an entirely personal interpretation of poetry, but I truly feel that language and form should be more than sufficient to supply the scratching sounds that the boy makes as he rubs against the fence. The break where you have an entire segment of sound effects is harmful to the piece because it is so distracting. Nevertheless, your mix of various imagery and knack for tempo outside of metric adherence give you the symphony of form and language that your piece seeks, to its great success. The prompt is also spot on in both your symphonic effect and (obviously) imagery.

PhoeKun

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This piece is even more interesting; the speaker is coldly bitter in an even colder world and is well developed. Many of the pieces I've seen have something of an identity crisis in which they use I a few times and introduce a speaker but don't flesh them out; it is a pitfall you avoid admirably.
Although your piece certainly isn't discordant in any way (as any that attempts but fails to establish a tempo will be) is seems more a piece of prose than poetry because it completely lacks tempo/meter. Don't get me wrong- it is good, but I feel like I'm reading thoughts or prose than lines on a page. For a moment when I was reading, I thought you had ignored the prompt until I got to the end; I'll admit, it seems somewhat tacked on, but I can forgive you for that.

Verdict

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PhoeKun. I will admit; this one was fairly difficult; both pieces were not only very different, but strong for different reasons. Slizard's piece was more focused on the prompt, and had tempo, whilst PhoeKun's was more distinguised in both voice and language. My only reservation on Slizard's piece was the very frequent use of sound effects, while PhoeKun's seemed a little less faithful to the prompt. In the end, however, I thought that Avalon was pulled off with more grace, but don't get me wrong: they were both very strong pieces for their respective reasons.

Wadledo vs. Allara: Torrid

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Wadledo

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This was a very interesting approach to the prompt- unfortunately, to me, it seems as scattered as the thoughts of your speaker. The imagery is vague and fleeting, you chose to go with no structure (as far as rhymes and meter are concerned) and, while I can't blame you for that alone, the poem feels empty without either of these themes.

I can see you definitely chose to attempt to capture the picture aspect of the prompt, and you have a bit of torrid heat here, but there's a certain oomph that feels lacking to me. If I were to develop it further, I would try either adding rhyme or meter (or working out a rhythm- free form rhythms can work well if done masterfully enough), and/or working out more about the character or imagery. Sure- I can see she's watching from the picture, and notice many of the other things pointed out in the piece, but some of the narrative stuff seems irrelevant and scattered insofar as the three sections of the piece seem as if they can be taken from three different poems from three different, unrelated speakers.

Allara

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This piece seems like it would fit more into prose than poetry. My only real problem with it is your tendency to list verbs in dependant clauses and put periods at the end of them when they are incomplete thoughts (i.e. straightening... thigh) Although you chose to use neither rhyme nor meter, this seemingly random use of punctuations makes me wonder why you divided the work into lines at all, for it might read just the same in a prosaic, paragraphed form.

Additionally, the dialogue is distracting. I understand that your speaker is debating with another about a third party, but there is a distinct lack of context that makes it feel completely hollow and impersonal. You switch between a flurry of actions and a flurry of comments that not only topple eachother, but leave almost no room for imagery.

I'm not saying here that imagery is completely important or that pieces need to be metric or rhythmic to earn my respect, but some measure of organization (even grammatical) and some measure of imagery would have helped me to make sense of this, rather than leaving me with a bad taste in my mouth.

That's not to say that it's bad at all, perhaps just not my cup of tea. I'm sure there are many who would be able to make more of it than I and show me why it is great... it just seems more fit for a narrative than a poem.

Verdict

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Wadledo. Neither piece made me jump out of my seat... but I'm going to have to say Wadledo, because while both seemed disjointed, it was better written and more 'poetic' to me.

The Fiery Tower vs. DreamintheDark: Up

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The Fiery Tower

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First, let me say that the ever-decreasing length of each line is a very cool way to make your poem; in this way, it's relatively short length works to your advantage. The ever-shortening lines spiral and arrive quicker and quicker- an end becomes inevitable as one goes up, up, and away. I like this unique construction and how your rhymes don't seem forced. Your piece appropriately accelerates and takes off with remarkable simplicity and elegance.

DreamintheDark

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While you do use blank verse, the lines seem distressingly short and, to me, rather than building a flowing, intensifying accumulation of imagery and sense of the world, seem puntuated when transferred to lines of only four or less syllables. The forced enjambment between the lines breaks up the narrative, fracture the thoughts; it might be more effective to lengthen the lines a bit to perhaps 8 syllables. Nevertheless, the imagery is simple (whether that be positive or negative is a matter of taste) and very abstract. I don't mind abstraction all that much, but sometimes when it seems just a tangled narl of unconnected words, concepts and images, there is a lack of unification to the piece; a lack of natural continuity.

Maybe it really just isn't my bag, this type of poetry is very popular, but although there are fleeting moments of imagery and there is a central narrative, the form of your poem and abstract nature makes it seem somewhat fractured. There is obviously a vision for the female protagonist (not necessarily speaker), but it is difficult for me to envision when all I know is that she's trying to fly and that there are smiles outside of her own world.

Verdict

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The Fiery Tower. The Fiery Tower's piece just appealed to me more because there was a more clear direction it was headed in. It has a goal in mind, and, although the language of both pieces is fairly simple, it flows better. Ultimately, it quickly spirals to an end, and, as both pieces were short it seems to better know what direction it is headed in.

Fifty-eyed Fred vs. arti3 : Unspoken

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Fifty-eyed Fred

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This is a good piece. That doesn't mean that it couldn't use work.

First of all, it is clear that you took the prompt and the picture into good consideration with the piece; it is deep and oozing with imagery. But, in my opinion, the presentation (structure) could use some tuning up. It is one thing to be unbound by rhyme, but it is another to flirt with it, but ultumately leave the beginning and end empty.

Reading this a few times, I can see that perhaps you left out a few rhymes here and there to better thematically represent unspokenness (a left out rhyme), but, if that were the case, you might want to use more consistent meter to imply that those rhymes ought to be there, but aren't. Instead, you have a free meter (which is okay), but merely lead on with a scattering of rhymes (which, coupled with above, is not). I would like to see some consistency in this perhaps.

The other thing that bugs me a little (and others will tell you too) is that unless you are specifically invoking repitition (which would be acceptable in a chaismus or parallel structure, to name two examples), the repeated use of root, soul and word, especially in a piece this short, is somewhat sloppy. I'm not saying that you need to speak like Shakespeare or anything like that, but sometimes diversity of language can take you a long way in stealing your reader away.

That said, the piece was an interesting diversion, and, with some tuning up, could be even more profound.

arti3

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Off the bat, it kind of bugs me that you use punctuation even though you don't use sentences. It is one thing to write in lines that are incomplete thoughts if they are disconnected, but when you string together lines within the stanza directly like "Not unlike/the approaching zenith", add a period, but lack a sentance, it's kind of a turn off.

That said, I like the imagery and narrative style; you have taken unspoken to be the internal feelings of the mind, and created characters who play out their wars on paper. In many ways, it appears that this piece could be comparable to Iron Poet itself, which is kind of cool.

I also like the sound and the fury of the piece; although you have a measuring Bwong between your stanzas to maintain tempo, the writing reaches a fevered pitch as the duel goes on.

Besides my nitpickings, there is little I can recommend on improving the piece, although that certainly doesn't mean you shouldn't consider it. I believe that writing is a process, and if there is nothing you want to change about your work, then you're not studying it hard enough.

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arti3. Both pieces were really nice, but I liked arti3's more. It was more comfortable with itself as a cohesive piece (and a good example of acceptable repetition) and a little more consistent with its theme, instead of rapid firing ever shifting themes.

Drengnikrafe vs. AJWB: Valorous

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Drengnikrafe

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It's spelled crystalline. Spelling should not be an issue with a decent word processor, or even a good free web browser like firefox.

Okay. Sorry, that was bugging me a little. Past that, your piece has very strong and dark imagery that works well with the theme. You even managed to fit in the picture after some reframing. The pounding free-verse gives a good tempo, although I think arborous was something of a misstep (and a miss-spell). Also unsure of what struke means; freight is a type of train, fright is your word.

Nevertheless, besides these mishaps, your piece is nice with its tie up with valor at the end.

AJWB

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I really like the sing-songy rhythm and rhyme scheme you introduce into the poem; the sing-songy nature of it is as taunting to Lum as the jabs that people take at him. Mainly, however, you somewhat stumble with the form of your piece. Namely, the five-part rhyme scheme is different; there's nothing stylistically wrong with it, it's just that quatrains or rhymed couplets are more standard. The second thing would be one of tempo- shorter lines like 'Men of the sea' are jarring to the metered tempo you've already established. The pace on the third stanza is a good example of jarring tempo; you establish a set pace with the first two lines, then smash it to pieces with the third, fourth and fifth lines. The third, fourth and fifth sound fine on their own; they have a unique beat, but they need to be matched with lines that fit them better.

I could nitpick more and more, but the bottom line is that I like your form, but it needs work. Your piece itself is cutesy and charming in all the ways you intended.

And jeez- that ending came out of nowhere!

Verdict

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AJWB. I really liked the sing-songy feel of your piece and your surprise ending; you were also good in establishing and mocking valor. drengnikrafe's piece was very good tool; it established valor well, but didn't make quite as good of use of the picture prompt and was wrought with spelling mistakes.

[Puppychowguy]

New matchups and prompts soon?

[Vaynor]

New matchups and prompts soon?

When the round is over.

[Puppychowguy]

Just in case, putting in spoiler...

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Aren't all of the contests decided? Has anyone heard from firebirdflying?

[Vaynor]

No, the contest is not over. No, I have not heard from our fifth judge yet. I have contacted him again, I am not sure why he has not responded (activity marks him as being online recently).

[FirebirdFlying]

…Sorry doesn't really cut it.

Nor do excuses. I've got them, but they're useless to say and for all you all know I'd be lying anyway.

Here, however, are the verdicts and critiques; please understand that I am no teacher, and not the best qualified to give critiques, and am human and biased and often silly.

AJWB vs. Drengnikrafe: Valorous

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AJWB: Lum the Swimmer

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Hah. Okay. Clever.

(Please note that I am actually not being sarcastic. I do think it's clever. And I like it. It made me laugh.)

And I really do like it. The little things that, upon rereading it, pop up as clues to the surprise ending (the promised land, the sticky race, tunneling in) are just icing on the tasty, tasty limerick cake.

That said, the cake's a bit lopsided. Not inedible, of course - the eggs and butter and flour and such are all in the right places - but it had a little trouble getting out of the pan. (And here I quit with the cake metaphor before it gets even more ridiculous, 'kay?)

While each stanza is in general limerick form, the lines within don't all read the same scansion-wise. While this isn't a huge problem, it did throw me off a bit when reading it out loud the first time, and with a bit of polish could in most cases be easily fixed ("These men of the sea/Knew speed was the key", for instance, to line the two lines up with each other as well as the middle lines in the first stanza).

So work on the details, but all in all, keep up the good work!

Drengnikrafe: The Darkened Wanderer

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Nice imagery. This is a poem that makes me feel the darkness, hope, tension and finally release as the man swims to freedom. Lines like "as they grasp and grapple his body and soul" ring nicely, setting a good tempo even in freeform.

However, I think it tries a bit too hard. Do you really need to use arborous to describe trees? Egression? The environment? It's not that the words are obscure, exactly, it's just that they're too long, too technical. They feel out of place.

And polish! It took me a bit to decipher 'struck by fright' (and I hope that's the right interpretation!). Look it over for spelling issues.

A good start, I think, but the execution leaves something to be desired. You've got some gems of wording in here, and the pacing is great. Just clean it up.

Verdict:

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While I would like both of you to go on just to see what you come up with next, I unfortunately have to choose. They're both very different poems, and it's a hard decision to make, but I think AJWB pulled the poem off better.

Errandir vs. Rutskarn: Earthen

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Errandir: Blocks and Sand

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I love someone who can keep a rhythm. Love love love. I doubly love someone who can do something with that rhythm, rather than throw pretty words together and hope they mean something (which I do all the time).

I think that means I love you. For the time being, anyway. Until you mortally offend me, or something.

I’m not sure I have anything useful and specific to say to you. You build up the image of a city abandoned by most life yet with these flapping tongues of old linen well; first giving the impression that the city is alive, actually, with the first two stanzas, and showing the dust and heat and general desertedness with each successive. But I don’t need to tell you that. You wrote the thing.

Oh, there’s a few lines that are a bit awkward – “Smaller than the nearby rocks” is a bit fillerish, arbitrary – but they’re few and far between. Probably if you came back in a year or so you could rearrange something and make it even better. I wouldn’t bother much now, though.

It’s a lovely poem.

Rutskarn: Wrought to Heaven

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This is one of those ones whereof I’m not sure I can say much useful, beyond trying to explain it to myself. It’s a rebellion of sorts against the prompt, which is interesting. A proud poem about the triumph – not exactly triumph - of man and buildings over the earth, the change from trying to imitate and worship to standing strong alone. Lovely language, from sunburnt brain and overexposed photographs on souls to the pigment that glows like summer – it expands more with every reading. I haven’t found it to say much more than it needs to.

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Errandir. While I wouldn’t know how to improve either poem, I preferred Blocks and Sand. I’m sorry to say the judgement’s based purely on personal preference here, but I’d put them on equal ground for use of imagery and metaphor, mechanics, everything else.

I really am sorry.

Kurosawa vs. The Extinguisher: Aligned

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Kurosawa: Bridges

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Er.

I'm sorry. First reaction. To the last two lines or so (and possibly the last stanza). Out of nowhere much? Or maybe I just missed the buildup.

I mean, the first three stanzas work together, generally. Themewise, I mean. And I suppose that the last one does continue it, in a way. It's just that - I think this poem would be better without it. It feels like padding, or like you really wanted to extrapolate but weren't sure where to go. And I apologize if I'm just interpreting this entirely wrong, also.

Actually, first I thought it was about suicide. Then - I wasn't so sure. Anarchy, perhaps? The person here's burning bridges, after all, trying to escape from something. Is the bridge a prison (metaphorically, anyway)? The first stanzas support that sort of interpretation. Then - waitaminnit, people trying to escape from it chokes them and they fall and die? We against anarchy here? I mean, there's something bad going to happen, I get that, and this narrator's talking about it, first with zir own issues and then with others' (which is nice), but I wish I had a couple more clues as to what the bridge-thing actually means. I'm not trying to say that poems need to be easily understood, just that I don't think I do. Understand this one, that is. (Which you may take as a compliment on your utter genius if you wish. It depends rather on how you understand the poem. It's entirely possible I'm just being dense.) Thing is, I can't tell whether this is profound or not. Which may the be thing that makes it poetry. Eh. I'm rambling, here, so you might want to ignore this paragraph (should have told you that before you read it, eh?). Just the average schmuck's reaction, I guess.

Anyway! On to the mechanics. Beautiful. The first stanza, especially. Flows off the tongue easily, doesn't feel forced into the form, etc. While the rhythm of the lines set up by the first stanza aren't always followed in the subsequent - extra syllables here and there, something especially odd happening in the last line - they do work within themselves. So while you could mess with the pacing and wording in lines here and there, it's more nit-picking than anything.

For more nitpicks:

The rhyme in the last two lines of the third stanza. C'mon, couldn't you do something with the noose of smog taking away our breath or something? I'd even personally prefer some weird consonance of us to death/fall to earth to repeating a word like this, especially when the rhymes in the rest of the poem seem so effortless as to be unnoticeable.

Punctuation. Sometimes you use it, sometimes you don't. Usually you use it when you need to signify a question - but you've a couple periods floating around. If you've got two, put the rest in. If you don't want periods, take them out. As it is, it just looks sloppily proofread. (I'm more lenient on not having periods but still having question/exclamation marks, because they have more of a purpose).

So it's a good poem mechanically, but it's got some issues. And the subject matter seems rather disjointed (but that could, again, be me being dense). You've got a pretty strong sense of rhythm, which is lovely (I'm partial to structured poetry), but in going with a poem which is set up as so structured you need to keep that structure firm. The lines within a stanza don't have to be the same as each other, but the stanzas (unless obviously different) should be.

Thanks for the poem!

The Extinguisher: Prison Bars

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I like it. I like the paralyzing indecision, the trapped feeling, the narrator’s precision – knowing that there are seven cars, watching the bars break – and the unsure end.

You’ve got a couple typos here and there, which are mostly unimportant, but it still feels sloppy. I’m not talking about punctuation – I think you use it well, actually, using periods for muted emphasis rather than at random. The erratic capitalization even works; when the capitals and periods come, the thoughts feel more rooted in the present, more sane.

Prison and bar get a tad repetitive, but I’m not sure what you’d do instead and it works well enough. In general, the repetition’s good – cars, I watch, etc.

Solid poem.

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The Extinguisher.

arti3 vs. Fifty-Eyed Fred: Unspoken

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arti3: Valorous Battle at the Library of the Monks of the Golden Lady

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Nice reinterpretation of the challenge story. Especially when you don’t tell us who won – just that someone clearly did. (So we don’t get insight into that goddess of theirs. Aww.)

At first I was tempted to say this might work better in a more prosish, paragraph form, but then I threw a few stanzas into that and found it works much better the way you have it. So many kudos for your effective line breaks.

Also kudos to your effective sound effects, which drive the piece (and competition!) on. Your mechanics in general are good, each stanza feeling about the same length as the other, each one working well when read aloud.

And the language! It’s simple. You don’t have to put things into complex words –the poem sings as or more beautifully the way it is, with words unspoken.
(Aren’t I hilarious?) I like how you have water, fire, wood, air, and metal in one, reminiscent if not true to the elements in the China this piece brings to mind.

There’s a few nitpicks – words that seem to be missing here and there, words that could be added – which require nothing more than another glance or two over to polish it up. The strength of the poem, though, lies mostly in the story, and so in this case a few mechanical issues are hardly going to distract.

Fifty-Eyed Fred: Untitled

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Ooh, rhyme. Rhyme and meter. Shiny.

…Sorry. I like that sort of thing.

The only time I think that meter is spoiled is in the seventh line (“As to make…”), where I pronounce it ..^.^^^^ rather than the usual .^.^.^.^ – then again, I may pronounce it differently from you, and I can see how it can be shifted to be more in line with the others. I’m a bit confused about the rhyme scheme, but it works when read out loud – barely noticeable, really, which is good – so I’m not going to worry a whole lot.

The subject seems rather uninspired, though. Yes, you’ve got these lovely lines, but some of them are rather empty of content. This is excusable enough, of course, because you have to do that sometimes to get those beautiful metered out lines. However, the storyline – we speak. Words don’t do much. We touch! The sweet poetry of ourselves will go unspoken always (is this poem a metaphor for intercourse? Certain English teachers would have it so…).

I think you can do more with your skill in using the language, and I think it was also partly bad luck that the idea behind it seemed – more standard than it could be (and that you got saddled with me as a judge, because this is honestly a matter of personal taste). I’m curious as to what else you can write.

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Arti3.

Wadledo vs. Alarra: Torrid

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Wadledo: City Park

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This captures heat so well. Not just heat, but the kind of heat that makes one’s brain fuzzy and dry and tired. And your narrator’s tired, foiled from an escape to the ice cold hidden somewhere beneath the sand, foiled from an escape from the heat, worry, fear. You use summer well.

It needs some polish, just for small things – typos, left-out words, etc. More important, though, are the emotions of the narrator you convey – I particularly like the second and third stanzas – and also the imagination of the same, of ice cream as a child and knives as an adult. Those were done clearly, simply, and profoundly.

Good poem.

Alarra: Untitled

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I like the story. I like the back-and-forth between narrator and friend, especially in the sixth stanza. I like the emotions – anger, grasping hope, disappointment.

(Is it a poem? I took out all the line breaks and read it as prose, and I think it was better. But I’m biased. And, honestly, it could work even as a script. So this is not a big deal.)

I like the lines like “Oppressive July heat plastered shirt to breast”, and “children dancing between parked cars/the sun a drumbeat on our backs”. I think it could have used more like that, because they show the setting in a way the reader can feel – sun and sweat after too long out on a summer’s day – and that it didn’t require lines such as “Hollow words, empty promises”. I think we know that, from the actions given.

The characters seem real - the dialogue not quite as much, but a useful device. I think it could have benefited from being pushed to one side or another of the prose/poetry line, but that’s something entirely up to you and your intentions with the piece.

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Wadledo.

The Fiery Tower vs. Dreaminthedark: Up

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The Fiery Tower: Untitled

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I like the form of this poem. It works both visually and aurally, which is nice – while the steadily decreasing line lengths works better with the former, especially since you chose words as the unit to change by rather than syllables or feet, it does retain a sense of rhythm to it. I think that sense of rhythm could be augmented – it goes from interesting to awkward a bit too often – but is, overall, good.

Sometimes your wording seems forced, which is understandable with the structure you’ve given yourself here – but not ideal. The use of ‘cease’, for instance, doesn’t quite jive with the rest of your language. It’s not really a fancy word, but compared to the much simpler, more common words around it it has that unfortunate vibe of I-need-a-synonym-for-end-and-this-is-a-cool-word! (Not to say you did that, or that’s what I think you did, or anything of the sort, just that it breaks the general use of language).

And, in a similar vein that could help with that, do you need the rhymes? Honestly, it took me a couple times through to notice them, and not feeling forced to find a rhyme might help with a few wordings. (Of course, if you do it once, it’s expected you do it every time. So you’d have to entirely ditch rhyming to make it work). The strength of the form here is in the decreasing length and increasing – eh, simplicity’s not the right word, but it’s close enough (succinctness?); the added complexity of rhyme is, in my opinion, unnecessary.

Honestly, I’m nitpicking here, and I don’t want you to take it the wrong way. It’s a good poem, and, while it could use some work, stands quite well as it is.

Dreaminthedark: Untitled

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Fly away, girl! Be free!

…Except she’s not moving forward with her dreams. Only floating. And up is not necessarily a good thing.

At a glance, I think it needs about half as many line breaks, or a change in the punctuation – it’s confusing. Does she hold the dark eyes dear? If so, why is there a semi-colon there? Generally, punctuate a poem as you would a normal sentence, except with the line breaks and such – unless your intention is to make it unclear. In that case, go ahead. Ignore this.

Your wording, however, is lovely. With a few words, you get across the notion of no one really seeing her, although she smiles; the repetition of “no one” and “floats up” and even “her” help the poem along.

Issues with mechanics, maybe, which might just be me, but the overall function of the poem is good.

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The Fiery Tower

Belkarsbadside1 vs. Puppychowguy: Calm

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Belkarsbadside1: Peace of Mind

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Aren’t language filters fun?

The poem’s pretty good. It could use some work, though.

Mechanics first. The meter isn’t consistent, which makes it feel disjointed and somewhat sloppy – the rhyming is forced in some places as well. The combination of these things makes me think that, in this poem, you should ditch the rhyming. It’s not terribly important, and it’s really the meter that drives the poem here. I could go on with specific examples and nitpicks and the like, but I doubt it would be helpful – you know where the meter’s weird just by reading it aloud naturally, and the rhymes are also obvious.

Mechanics first, because that was the most negative part. The story’s classic, of someone deciding to leave the routine, hectic city life and find peace for themselves, and you tell it well. I love the first two lines especially, with the pebbles clitter-clattering and acting as a metronome – they bring up image and sound clear and strong. Likewise, describing city life as an addiction, the city at war, and a stuck soul are all particularly nice lines.

So it needs a bit more polish and tighter mechanics, but the meat is tasty. The former usually come with practice – the latter often never comes at all.

Puppychowguy: Untitled

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…Calm? Okay, okay, it’s calm at the end. Finds calmness and all that. I won’t dock metaphorical poem-points for that. Just my first impression.

So, smoking anything? It seems – rather disjointed and random at times. I get the feeling that’s meant to be the point. Reminds me of the Howl style. Alien to me, I’ll admit, so I may not be – I may be worse at critiquing this than others.

I like the imagery. Beaten cheeks like beaten eggs in beaten children, black tar faces and alcohol infernos, the broken down Volkswagen in an alleyway hidden from the explosion and hate of the world (but then again, it’s broken). You’ve got something there, as far as I can tell, that works with the stringing of words together that shouldn’t be (“copacetic daze”!).

(Now you’ve got me writing funny. Could also be the lack of sleep.)

I don’t think I can give you anything useful. It’s not the kind of poetry I usually go out for (I need to expand my horizons), but it’s good. Even if it’s just because of the lovely words that clash together, even if it had no meaning whatsoever (which it does, I think, even if I can’t really articulate the full of it), it’s good. It shouts, and not just because of the capital letters.

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Puppychowguy.

Phoekun vs. Szilard: Harmonious

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Phoekun: Avalon

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Love it. From the slight Arthurian references to the stark imagery which captures both the pain – without ever calling it pain – and the ultimate contentment, the words in this come together well.

From the title, and quickly reading through the poem the first time, I thought the narrator had died and entered some parallel paradise. With the second read through, I figured out that it could be read both ways – I’m not sure if you intended this – due to the lack of detail on the ‘passing hero’ and the quality of the second half, wavering between dream-like and sharply real before passing into the harmony of the prompt. Either way, the mood changes are captured nicely here, all from the viewpoint of the slightly fanciful narrator, with simple words but strong sentences.

It doesn’t have much form when read aloud (though it’s visually appealing), which is a bit of a put-off for me personally. Aloud, it could be prose, if disjointed prose; I’m not, in this case, certain how to change it, and I’m also not certain that you would want to. It’s a good piece of writing, anyway, no matter the type. I don’t really have much to say to improve it. Perhaps it’s a little too disjointed – but that’s honestly more artistic differences than anything important.

Szilard: Untitled

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This is a fun one to read out loud, just for the sound effects. And it is definitely calm. Reminds me of the poems that go in the little books with pretty illustrations that my mom used to read to me. (This is a positive thing, and I apologize if I missed the subtle undercurrent of fear or biting political commentary or whatnot. I’m a simple person.)

Normally, I’m skeptical of the more free-formy poetry. (I don’t know exact terms for these things. Sue me.) I find plenty of it would be more suited to short prose, and the poet just made it poetry because people have something against short prose. In this case, however, despite it not having a strict form or standard rhythm, it does have a rhythm. There’s a reason to the line breaks, both visually and aurally, and the simple language fits the poem well.

Could you have done a little more, though? Don’t get me wrong. This is a good poem. But I’m rather willing to bet you could have taken it a bit further. I’m not sure how – I’m sorry – but, well, it’s a bit too simple. It’s fun to read, but not much beyond that. It’s an exercise in sing-song, in pretty language, in sweet nothings. It’s good at those things. And it’s not that there’s anything particularly wrong with that, either – edginess is overrated – but (I’m saying ‘but’ a lot, aren’t I?) I think you could have done more.

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Phoekun.

They were both well done – wonderfully done, but Avalon was more complex and pulled that off. And I have to pick one.

Thanks, both!

[drengnikrafe]

So, this is how it turns out. I don't know if I am still supposed to spoiler my observations about spoilered information.

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I guess it makes sense, considering that my poem is totally unpolished due to my defeatist mindset that wouldn't allow me to even write. That's why the poem is so dark, if you're wondering. And there are a pile of technical words there because I hate word repitition. I'll take what has been said to heart, and try to do better when Iron Poet X rolls around.
Good job, AJWB.

[wadledo]

I'd just like to point out, my poem is from three distinct speakers.
The first is a crow, the seconds a young child, the third is a mother (the woman in the picture).

This is why the little spoiler explaining the poem is sometimes a good thing.

[truemane]

I'd just like to point out, my poem is from three distinct speakers.
The first is a crow, the seconds a young child, the third is a mother (the woman in the picture).

This is why the little spoiler explaining the poem is sometimes a good
thing.

At the risk of starting a fight, you're completely wrong. The piece needs to be strong enough to stand on its own without explanation or apology. If you have to spell out what it means, then it doesn't really mean anything.

I understood that it was three speakers. I thought the first was a pigeon, but close enough.

[wadledo]

At the risk of starting a fight, you're completely wrong. The piece needs to be strong enough to stand on its own without explanation or apology. If you have to spell out what it means, then it doesn't really mean anything.

I understood that it was three speakers. I thought the first was a pigeon, but close enough.

Yes but if some people understand it, and others don't, then whose fault is it?
Is it the author, who doesn't outright say that something is something and the sky is blue, or the reader, who doesn't understand contextual clues?

I wasn't particularly proud of the poem in the first place, as it took me 20 minutes to write then post, but I still find it annoying when certain persons can't understand what something is when to me, it's blatantly obvious.

[Errandir]

So, apparently the judges like rhymes. That's good. I like rhymes too.

[Viera Champion]

Yes but if some people understand it, and others don't, then whose fault is it?
Is it the author, who doesn't outright say that something is something and the sky is blue, or the reader, who doesn't understand contextual clues?

I wasn't particularly proud of the poem in the first place, as it took me 20 minutes to write then post, but I still find it annoying when certain persons can't understand what something is when to me, it's blatantly obvious.

Unfortunately, it is the fault of the poet even if there are some people who DO understand it. People don't read poems they don't understand, and it isn't their fault. If the poet doesn't put it in enough detail, then it's all on him/her that people don't understand it. Which is the problem with poetry. It makes sense to the poet who is writing it, but a lot of the time they automatically assume that means other people should. I'm a story writer, and I'm currently working on my first novel. And I'm glad I have people who will point these things out to me. Trust me, it's better in the long run to clearly explain things within the work.

[Vaynor]

Congratulations to:

The Fiery Tower
AJWB
Errandir
Kurosawa
arti3
puppychowguy
Szilard
Alarra

I'll put up the next round tomorrow.

[FirebirdFlying]

Yes but if some people understand it, and others don't, then whose fault is it?
Is it the author, who doesn't outright say that something is something and the sky is blue, or the reader, who doesn't understand contextual clues?

I wasn't particularly proud of the poem in the first place, as it took me 20 minutes to write then post, but I still find it annoying when certain persons can't understand what something is when to me, it's blatantly obvious.

Do I give you indigestion?

I apologize for that, at least. Stomachaches are no fun.

I'd hesitate to say whether it's the author or the readers or both at fault here, or if it's entirely faulty either way. People interpret things differently, I'm sorry to say, and if us mere mortals are too dumb to interpret your poem the way you'd like - maybe you do need to write down to us.

Am I stupid, to interpret this poem as the crone, the child, and the mother speaking?

Of course it's annoying - I've been annoyed by similar things - but unfortunately we don't all think the same.

(And I don't read spoilered comments on the poem, at least not until after I've tried to figure it out for myself. No matter how much I'd like to explain the reasoning for the stupid things that come out of my mouth and fingers, I can't throw a little spoiler to the side for those interested. And half the point of critiques, I find, is to see how other people see what I write, even if it's not how I see it.)