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  1. - Top - End - #31
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DwarfFighterGuy

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    89) My centaur cannot serve as another party member's mount.

    90) I am not allowed to make a centaur paladin unless I don't mind not having a mount. This discussion is over.

    91) I am not allowed to cast Silence on another party member to end an argument.

    92) My monk's unarmed strikes can't all be backhand slaps and groin kicks.

    93) My monk is not allowed to speak with an Asian accent.
    Been there, fought that, died horribly.

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  2. - Top - End - #32
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    Dust's Avatar

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    94) There is no creature known as the Fantastipotamus, nor am I allowed to create one for the explicit purpose of using it as a projectile weapon.

    95) 'When in doubt, ask a hobo,' is not a generally-accepted method of information gathering.

    96) Plutonium is not considered to be one of the core elements.

    97) 'I'm meta-gaming,' is not a valid explanation for my actions.

  3. - Top - End - #33
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    Quote Originally Posted by Seatbelt View Post

    Even for the Sultan, it was not a place for him to go bang a dozen chicks. Or sheep, in this case.
    In every culture and in every time, people with power have a tendency to use that power in a sexual way. There may be individual exceptions, but the tendency for all rulers is to translate their position of power into sexual promiscuity (along with other displays of their power). If you think Sultans were somehow immune to this tendency, you are confused.

    Much as Croesus became known for an ostentatious display of gold, and the British royal family became known for an ostentatious display of gems, Ottoman Sultans became known for an ostentatious display of wealth in the form of women.

  4. - Top - End - #34
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    SwashbucklerGuy

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    98) Apparently I'm not allowed to cut off the hands and feet of recurring bosses when we knock them out for the first time

    99) Knee-capping is also not an approved method of gathering information

    100) Likewise, when we need a boat we are meant to hire one, not kill the owner and dump the body overboard to hide the evidence.

  5. - Top - End - #35
    Orc in the Playground
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    101. If my character's backstory includes a dead father, I am not, under ANY circumstances, allowed to name him Inigo Montoya.

    102. I am not allowed to do anything on this thread or anything similar. Not even if I have a legitimate backstory for it.
    Last edited by AtopTheMountain; 2010-02-17 at 05:21 PM.

  6. - Top - End - #36
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    103. When making a character, I am not allowed to use more source books than (x+3)^2, where X is my character level.
    104. There is a big difference between the threads "horribly broken material" and "sample character concepts".
    105. I am allowed to give new players advice on how to build their character, provided it is no longer than 5 pages. A4, Size 12, double spaced, Times New Roman.
    Last edited by Boci; 2010-02-17 at 05:35 PM.
    "It doesn't matter how much you struggle or strive,
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  7. - Top - End - #37
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    Milskidasith's Avatar

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    Quote Originally Posted by Boci View Post
    103. When making a character, I am not allowed to use more source books than (x+3)^2, where X is my character level.
    104. There is a big difference between the threads "horribly broken material" and "sample character concepts".
    Uhh... 103 is 16 sourcebooks for a level 1 character, and 25 for a level 2. Past that, there aren't even enough sorcebooks to possibly use in creating a character... (well, OK, maybe at level 3, but the only way a level 3 character can use 36 sourcebooks is if it's through being pun-pun or buying mundane gear from all those books. Maybe if you also picked entirely random spells from different books, too.)

  8. - Top - End - #38
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    Amphetryon's Avatar

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    104) Not allowed to declare that I'm "killing Commoners until I level, just tell me when."

    105) Not allowed under any circumstances to play a Robot Ninja Pirate Zombie on a Dinosaur, even if the rules for such do exist.
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  9. - Top - End - #39
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    AslanCross's Avatar

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    106) I am not allowed to leave the table in the middle of a serious strategic discussion and then return to the table shouting "LEEEEEEROOOOOY JENNNNKIIIIIINSSS!" after which I charge into the dungeon/booby-trapped room/dragon's lair/Abyss.
    Last edited by AslanCross; 2010-02-17 at 06:04 PM.


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  10. - Top - End - #40
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    AssassinGuy

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    107) Littering the surrounding countryside with landmines is not a socially acceptable method of defending the small village from werewolves.

    107b) Especially not when they're mines designed to propel themselves 4 feet into the air before detonating.

    108) In fact, alchemical landmines other than blast discs in their entirety no longer exist.

    109) Proffession (Demolitions expert) is not an actual skill.

    110) I will not use alchemy to brew ADAM, EVE and magical plasmids from casters in order to make it possible for my level 3 swashbuckler to cast prismatic ray.

    111) "Drop the hammer" is not an appropriate activation phrase for a magical device housing meteor swarm.

    112) I will not take my leadership cohort tactics out of the SAS handbook.

    113) Dirty bombs in built up areas are always in bad taste.

    114) My swashbuckler cannot Frenzy and rage as a result of losing/damaging his fancy hat without taking the appropriate levels.

    115) My character's family will take a higher status in his agenda than his hat.

    116) Quoting Kaiser Soze and murdering my character's family is not acceptable, even if I describe my marriage as "Only in it for the trait point."

    117) Alchemical fire cannot be injected into the king's bloodstream via my poison ring, EVER.

    118) If my actions place me in the "Complete monster" cattagory, they are immediately vetoed.

    119) I will not take ranks in perform as an excuse to have psychotic musical numbers.

    120) Disintergrate and charm spells are not an effective alternative to social interaction, no matter what that article/book said.
    Last edited by Kulture; 2010-02-17 at 06:14 PM.

  11. - Top - End - #41
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    Quote Originally Posted by Milskidasith View Post
    Uhh... 103 is 16 sourcebooks for a level 1 character, and 25 for a level 2. Past that, there aren't even enough sorcebooks to possibly use in creating a character... (well, OK, maybe at level 3, but the only way a level 3 character can use 36 sourcebooks is if it's through being pun-pun or buying mundane gear from all those books. Maybe if you also picked entirely random spells from different books, too.)
    I know. It was an exaggeration.
    "It doesn't matter how much you struggle or strive,
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    So please kill yourself and save this land,
    And your last mission is to spread my command,"

    Slightly adapted quote from X-Fusion, Please Kill Yourself

  12. - Top - End - #42
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    121: I'm not allowed to use a skull as a cup

    122: I'm not allowed to play a Dalek

    123: Or play my wizard as though he is one...

    124: I'm not allowed to backstab the quest giver even though he was going to do the same thing himself.

    125: I'm not allowed to psychologically abuse anyone who has surrendered.

    126: I'm not allowed to make someone think that his buddies who we killed in combat were killed with a truth telling potion.

  13. - Top - End - #43
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    Quote Originally Posted by Riffington View Post
    In every culture and in every time, people with power have a tendency to use that power in a sexual way. There may be individual exceptions, but the tendency for all rulers is to translate their position of power into sexual promiscuity (along with other displays of their power). If you think Sultans were somehow immune to this tendency, you are confused.

    Much as Croesus became known for an ostentatious display of gold, and the British royal family became known for an ostentatious display of gems, Ottoman Sultans became known for an ostentatious display of wealth in the form of women.
    Well yeah I'm sure there were Sultans who were more sexual than others. But the harem in the ottoman royal context was not designed specifically as an outlet for the imperial sex machine and everyone who thinks so is emphatically wrong. :P

    Actually, the ostentatious display of woman thing is a western construct, too, by the way. It runs counter to some very fundamental aspects of the culture, but it plays nicely into western conceptions of a misogynistic backward paternalistic and hyper-sexualized culture.


    Will edit this to be OT. Just a sec. :P

    127: I am not allowed to play a druid just so the Paladin can ride bears into combat without ranks in handle animal.
    Last edited by Seatbelt; 2010-02-17 at 06:39 PM.

  14. - Top - End - #44
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    jiriku's Avatar

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    128: I am no longer allowed to start a subplot involving hunting for a dragon at the same time that I purchase a scroll of shivering touch unless I fully explain the implications of these acts to the DM beforehand.

    129: When the enemy army is camped just across a narrow bridge which our ragtag command must dramatically defend against overwhelming odds until help arrives, it is in bad taste to dimension door the party into the command tent to assassinate the enemy commander.

    130: Item 129 is especially inappropriate if both sides are honorable and I have just successfully convinced the enemy commander that we will settle the matter with a duel between himself and our commander tomorrow at dawn.

    131: If the enemy army calls for reinforcements in response to our dirty tactics, I am not permitted to utilize any defense that involves sub-orbital kinetic energy weapons, even if I know all the requisite spells.

    132: It is not permissible to place a permanent DC 40 maximized symbol of weakness on the 12th-level hexblade's shield to "improve party balance".

    133: There is also no excuse for "forgetting" to exclude the party's annoying warlock from the symbol's effect.
    Last edited by jiriku; 2010-02-17 at 06:55 PM.
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  15. - Top - End - #45
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    134: I'm not allowed to play a paladin, when my character's class is rogue. Or wizard. Or any other class.

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  16. - Top - End - #46
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ishcumbeebeeda's Avatar

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    135) My first response upon meeting every NPC cannot be "I loot him."
    I will be out of town visiting my family for Easter for the next few days (Friday the 18th through Wednesday the 23rd) and will have little to no internet access. I apologize to anyone whom this may inconvenience.

  17. - Top - End - #47
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    Starbuck_II's Avatar

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    136) I'm not to form the Head!
    137) Even while using Fusion while yelling "Let's form Voltron"

  18. - Top - End - #48
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    AssassinGuy

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    135) Slender man's magnificent mind-**** is not an appropriate spell name, even if it matches the contents of theproverbial tin.

    136) My sorcerer will not abuse psychological warfare to route an entire orc batallion with nothing but level 4 and under spells.

    137) I will keep a character for more than 1 session.

    138) I will not make an army of dominated enemies that I sew to other objects or carrion to make mind-**** shock troops.

    139) If my actions would make the Axis of Evil shirk, then the idea is vetoed.

    140) I will not mind rape the Wizard for no reason other than "I'm a sorcerer, it's a cat VS dog thing"

    141) If I make the Lord of Blades nervous, My character goes immediately to limbo.

    142) I will not use psychological warfare against Nerull and take his scythe.

    143) Any use of the slender man as a character archetype is hereby banned.

    144) I am no longer allowed to DM.

    145) I am not allowed to complain when 75% of the already too short session is wasted discussing Naruto: Shipuuden.

    146) I am no longer allowed to bring Psychology text books to sessions.

    147) If I bring the prop EVE hypo to another game, I will be slung out.

    148) There is no such thing as a +0 LA undead or abberant outsider template.

  19. - Top - End - #49
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    Quote Originally Posted by Seatbelt View Post
    western conceptions of a misogynistic backward paternalistic and hyper-sexualized culture.
    Why must we promote these Occidentalist claims about Westerners' conceptions?
    The Ottomans had plenty of stories about various Sultans' paternalism and hypersexuality; no need to put this on Westerners. Heck, Sultans themselves started a lot of those stories on purpose. There's nothing wrong with talking about the splendor of the British Crown Jewels or the Ottoman Harems: they were designed to be an ostentatious display of wealth, and therefore if you are impressed you aren't being racist: you are just doing exactly what the owners wanted you to do.

    OT: 151) I'm not allowed to cause cancer in laboratory mice.

  20. - Top - End - #50
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    SamuraiGuy

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    149) I can't turn the party gnome into a statue and sell him for a masterwork sculpture

  21. - Top - End - #51
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    Nai_Calus's Avatar

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    150: I am not allowed to play an elf in Deadlands d20, even if the game system rules theoretically allow for it.
    151: I am not allowed to name him Li Shang, even if I forgot that it was the guy from Mulan's name.
    152: I am especially not allowed to sing I'll Make A Man Out Of You during the session should the former two occur.

    (Yes, this happened, all of it.)
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  22. - Top - End - #52
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DwarfFighterGuy

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    157) As DM, I am not allowed to give players a photocopy of my ass when they ask where certain campaign ideas came from.

    158) As DM, I am not allowed to base my entire campaign on a Shojo manga, especially when my group is composed entirely of men who consider themselves masculine.

    159) Should 158 occur I am not to give players my copies of said Shojo manga when they ask where I got the idea for the campaign from because they loved it so much, and instead do 157 to spare their egos.

    160) To make sure 158 never occurs again, my players must be given my campaign background/handout at least a week before the first session so they may search manga sites/forums for my "sources".
    Been there, fought that, died horribly.

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  23. - Top - End - #53
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    Quote Originally Posted by Riffington View Post
    Why must we promote these Occidentalist claims about Westerners' conceptions?
    The Ottomans had plenty of stories about various Sultans' paternalism and hypersexuality; no need to put this on Westerners. Heck, Sultans themselves started a lot of those stories on purpose. There's nothing wrong with talking about the splendor of the British Crown Jewels or the Ottoman Harems: they were designed to be an ostentatious display of wealth, and therefore if you are impressed you aren't being racist: you are just doing exactly what the owners wanted you to do.

    That's fine. Sultan Suleyman the Magnificient had a huge headdress build by the Venetians that was designed to fit in to the western rulers' conceptions of him. He wore it on campaign to impress. Topkapi palace was built to impress. The Blue mosques were built to impress. I can't remember which one but one of them was built with the specific intention of being so impressive that it was even more impressive than Hagia Sophia, which was pretty darn impressive.

    Turkish society today even plays upon notions of sexuality in the harem and the exotic otherness of the Sultanate when marketing to other Turks!.

    The problem that I have is that people have this notion of the harem as collection of women whose existence serves the sexual pleasures of another. (Admittedly you can switch around the genders and this conception works for any pairing. But the male/female conception is the one I think of so I go with it). That was not the point of the harem. Thats not what the word means. Thats not what the men and women living in that context would have thought. Thats not what the western women who were allowed in to the Harem thought. Over the length of Ottoman history that was not the context within which the harem existed. It is a fabrication.
    There are exceptions. I don't know of a Sultan who was excessively sexual but I'm sure there were some. I know that Suleyman fell so madly in love with a woman that he actually married her, which no Ottoman Sultan had done up to that point, and he presumably became monogamous to her. But I guess we can't know for sure.

    161: I am not allowed to inflict madness on the party wizard and command him to destroy the rest of the party, because he is probably the only one who can.
    Last edited by Seatbelt; 2010-02-17 at 07:51 PM.

  24. - Top - End - #54
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    The Dark Fiddler's Avatar

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    162. I'm no longer allowed to play any character that could for any reason speak in a robotic monotone, regardless of what system we are playing in.
    162b. The above rule now applies to NPCs I DM.

    163. I am not allowed any character with a horse. If I have any other mount, I may not utter any of the following words in the same sentence: look, {mount's species}, amazing, lick, or raisins.
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  25. - Top - End - #55
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    DwarfBarbarianGuy

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    164. I am not allowed to purchase more gallons of lamp oil then my character weighs.

    165. If somehow I come into possession of a vast quantities of lamp oil, I am not allowed to keep it in my halfling rogue's backpack.

    166. Improved evasion doesn't work, even on a successful save, against a fireball striking you with 1000 gallons of oil in your halfling rogue's backpack.
    Last edited by Beorn080; 2010-02-17 at 07:59 PM.

  26. - Top - End - #56
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    Milskidasith's Avatar

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    167. Love's Pain is not an appropriate way to tell if your spouse is cheating on you.
    168. Nor is it an effective method of checking to see if somebody is interested in you.
    169. If it hits somebody else instead of yourself when cast on your beloved, as it inevitably will since you're clearly evil, you cannot refer to it as "thinning the competition."

  27. - Top - End - #57
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    I thought it was more Mr. Welsh.
    Query: why?

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  28. - Top - End - #58
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    170. I am not allowed to find clever loopholes allowing my penguin companion to have spells.
    171. I am not allowed to use electrical spells into "water walls" to conduct the electricity into my foes.
    172. I am not allowed to have highly toxic, radioactive, or any alkali metal in a material component pouch.
    173. As a DM (Which I often am), I am not allowed to TOO heavily lace my campaigns with Mother 3 references.
    174. To be a Stormcaster when there's already a Stormlord in the party.
    Last edited by waterpenguin43; 2010-02-17 at 08:47 PM.
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  29. - Top - End - #59
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    174. LG Paladin is not allowed to Coup de Grace sleeping enemies
    175. Coup de Grace cannot be renamed Coup de Soup
    176. Not allowed to collect random items such as curtains and a worthless shoe

  30. - Top - End - #60
    Eldritch Horror in the Playground Moderator
     
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    137. I am not allowed to have the party members sign waivers releasing their bodies to me for 'spare parts' in lieu of paying for their grafts.

    138. I am not allowed to have more Persistent spells than the party collectively has Hit Dice.

    139. I am not allowed to have more punctuation than actual letters in any character name.

    140. I am not allowed to attempt to deliberately disrupt the number count of a silly RPG ban-list and see if anyone falls for it/cooperates.
    Last edited by The Glyphstone; 2010-02-17 at 09:41 PM.
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    The Atlas is also goofy but it has that whole "Stay Puft Marshmallow Man" menacing smile thing going for it. The guy who drew that one up was obviously taken to the Nutcracker when he was a child... and he was screaming in terror the entire time.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Enterti, Cogidubnus
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