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  1. - Top - End - #1111
    Titan in the Playground
     
    planswalker's Avatar

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    2906: I may not create a character with called armor in a primary color who punches his enemies with his fists.
    2906: I may not create a character with an animal companion/mount/cohort of at least huge size and call that critter any name ending in "-zord".
    2907: I may not have said critter combine with four others to form a mega-critter.
    2908: I may not play a floating head in a jar who uses leadership shenanigans to gain five cohorts who all are teenagers.
    2909: I may not create a construct Whose name is Alpha. If that one is destroyed, I am not allowed to recreate it and just tack on a roman numeral. I am especially not allowed to repeat this process five times.
    2910: I am not allowed to shout "make my monster grow!" before casting enlarge person, giant vermin, or animal growth.
    Best. Thread. Ever!

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  2. - Top - End - #1112
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    Quote Originally Posted by Balmas View Post
    l2893: If the character can be recognized by an outsider as belonging to any pantheon, I should probably rework my character sheet.
    Do the X-Men count as a pantheon? What about the Avengers?
    2894: Positioning myself east of a castle and programming a Stationary Rod to remain stationary compared to where the earth was will not result in the speed of the planet's rotation to smash the castle against the rod.
    2894a. Alternatively, it will result in a neat little hole the shape of the rod appearing in the castle wall.

    Seriously, if a small gas tank (like a welding tank) can propel itself hard enough to leave a neat little hole in a wall of cinderblocks (from Mythbusters), something going many many times faster shouldn't have a problem.

    2911. My Slayer cannot be based off Kamina, Augus, Asura, and King Bumi.
    2911a. This extends to all my characters.
    Last edited by Jade Dragon; 2012-06-02 at 12:56 PM.

  3. - Top - End - #1113
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    2912: I cannot take "Improved Tsundere" as a fighter bonus feat.
    2913: Speech bubbles are not deadly weapons.
    2914: Dwarven rangers do not automatically have elephants as their favoured enemy.
    When in doubt, use cute little dragons.



    (::) (::) Trog gave me cookies by accident. Mmm.

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  4. - Top - End - #1114
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    2915: I cannot suggest that the party and the BBEG just simply solve their problems by sitting in a circle and singing Kumbaya.
    2916: I cannot go super-saiyan, no matter how hard or long my character screams.
    2917: I cannot be a zombie, vampire, werewolf, lich, pony all at the same time.
    2918: I cannot take joy in attempting to make every little spell OP by giving partially logical reasons why it would be.
    2919: I cannot become the new BBEG and hold the world hostage for $100 Billion worth of gold coins.
    Love shows itself more in adversity than in prosperity; as light does, which shines most where the place is darkest. ~Leonardo Da Vinci

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  5. - Top - End - #1115
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    2920: I can become the BBEG and ransom the world for 100 billion gold... but the plucky band of heroes will destroy me at the last possible moment.
    Best. Thread. Ever!

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  6. - Top - End - #1116
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    Quote Originally Posted by planswalker View Post
    2906: I may not create a character with called armor in a primary color who punches his enemies with his fists.
    2906: I may not create a character with an animal companion/mount/cohort of at least huge size and call that critter any name ending in "-zord".
    2907: I may not have said critter combine with four others to form a mega-critter.
    2908: I may not play a floating head in a jar who uses leadership shenanigans to gain five cohorts who all are teenagers.
    2909: I may not create a construct Whose name is Alpha. If that one is destroyed, I am not allowed to recreate it and just tack on a roman numeral. I am especially not allowed to repeat this process five times.
    2910: I am not allowed to shout "make my monster grow!" before casting enlarge person, giant vermin, or animal growth.
    Oh. My. God.

    I actually JUST finished watching the original Mighty Morphing Power Rangers Movie form 1995. God, I can remember why the original was such a hit now, SOOOO many fond early child hood memories brought back!

    You know what, I'm totally breaking some of those rules in a game and soon!
    "I Burn!"

  7. - Top - End - #1117
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    I recommend rule 2808,
    Best. Thread. Ever!

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  8. - Top - End - #1118
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    Quote Originally Posted by planswalker View Post
    I recommend rule 2808,
    You mean 2908?

    2921. My Synthesist Summoner cannot have ten eidolons.
    2921a. And no, they can't all be stored in a magic item that looks like a wristwatch.
    2921b. And his last name (and in some cases, middle name/middle name initial) can't lend itself as a pun when compared to his age.

  9. - Top - End - #1119
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    2922: Despite its use in such classical works as the 1812 overture, my bard can never have ranks in Perform (Cannon).
    "Yeah, I might have overreacted I suppose, shooting him, but it wasn't his spoon! I stole ammo, fine, but what was with the spoon?

    "...When did I get a spoon, anyway?" ~Gopher

  10. - Top - End - #1120
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    2923: Not allowed to use body percussion to perform if I forgot my drum in my other pair of pants.
    2923a: Not allowed to spend a half-hour debating with the DM over why body percussion is a legitimate performance method.
    2923b: Not allowed to use a list of expected proficiencies of the average professional dancer and percussionist to prove my point.
    2923c: Not allowed to find relevant historical evidence to prove it was the same in misdeal times (it is a medieval setting!)
    2923d: Not allowed to play a bard if you are a musician.
    I have returned, and plan on focusing on world-building. Issues are being dealt with.

    Quote Originally Posted by MesiDoomstalker View Post
    Thread won! I don't think I have the authority to do that but whatever

  11. - Top - End - #1121
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    2924: I may not call any NPC with levels in Expert "The Criminologist".
    2925: Harper Scouts are not particularly susceptible to Prismatic Spray.
    2926: I may not give players of recently-killed characters punny one-liners about their cause of death followed by asking them whether they want to Restore, Restart or Quit.
    2927: Rogues do not have weapon proficiency with mugs.

    @V: Uh... That's a bit behind there.
    Last edited by PurityIcekiller; 2012-06-04 at 04:37 PM.
    When in doubt, use cute little dragons.



    (::) (::) Trog gave me cookies by accident. Mmm.

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  12. - Top - End - #1122
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    2928. I'm not allowed to sell or clean fullplate that's a size category too small after it fell into a cesspool and you spent a while trying to get it out.
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  13. - Top - End - #1123
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    2926: I am not allowed to reference strange indie movies in my character's dreams while bleeding out in combat.
    Best. Thread. Ever!

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  14. - Top - End - #1124
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    2927: I am not allowed to smash the pixie that is stuck inside the bag, no matter how annoying it gets (long story).
    2928: I am not allowed to mend the book I broke using mend with another mend spell.
    2929: I am not allowed to fill my bag of holding with gold coins, then jump in and take a money bath.
    2930: I am not allowed to play as an Ilithid doctor, ever...again.
    2931: I am not allowed to claim myself the goblin god-king.
    2932: I am not allowed to make it my master plan to cause my raven familiar to ascend to god-hood.
    2933: I am not allowed to have a bard who is skilled in "Perform: Rap"
    2934: I am not allowed to have a choice in whether or not my bard becomes the living shield again.
    2935: I am not allowed to play a wizard who speaks only in Gandalf and Dumbledore quotations.
    Love shows itself more in adversity than in prosperity; as light does, which shines most where the place is darkest. ~Leonardo Da Vinci

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  15. - Top - End - #1125
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DwarfFighterGuy

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    2939: My sorcerer's familiar is not allowed to be the most intelligent member of the party.
    2939a: Even if this happened entirely by the rules, and on its own without any planning on anyone's part.

    2940: In D20 modern, when one of the party members gets 1-shotted by someone with a big gun, I am not allowed to point and laugh and say "see, THAT is why I told you to not fight without cover!" (both in and out of character).

    2941: It doesn't matter if my character is a sniper and it's OK by the rules, the DM is not going to let me put a scope on my rocket launcher.
    2941a: On that note, my sniper cannot specialize in rocket launchers.

    2942: While explosives are often good at solving the problem immediately at hand, they have the habit of creating many more problems, especially when set off in a densely populated area.
    2942a: My response to the DM telling me the above is not allowed to be "Why do you think I bought so much dynamite? I got enough to handle whatever other "problems" this city throws at me!"

    2943: Maxed out stealth scores (with all possible positive situational modifiers!), a silencer, subsonic ammo, and all range-increasing feats/class features/equipment available MAY lead to the DM deciding to just carpet bomb the whole area cause that's the only way my character is ever going to get hit by anything.
    2943a: If the above happens, and the DM is glad he finally hit me with something, I am not allowed to point out that I have Evasion and easily passed my reflex save.

    2944: I am not allowed to (ab)use evasion in order to survive unscathed carrying out a suicide bombing. Multiple times.

    2945: After all the BS I have done in the game, I am not allowed to cry when my character gets sniped in the street.
    2945a: Especially if that is a tactic that I myself have used.
    Last edited by Choco; 2012-06-04 at 07:29 PM.
    Been there, fought that, died horribly.

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  16. - Top - End - #1126
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    Thanks for getting us back on track, Choco.

    2944: There is no skill synergy between Bluff and Perform (String Instruments).
    2945: No character class has weapon proficiency with surprise, fear, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope or nice red uniforms.
    2946: I may not make a business out of Tarrasque rides.
    When in doubt, use cute little dragons.



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  17. - Top - End - #1127
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    2947: I am proficient with stringed instruments. That does not grant me proficiency with garottes.
    "Yeah, I might have overreacted I suppose, shooting him, but it wasn't his spoon! I stole ammo, fine, but what was with the spoon?

    "...When did I get a spoon, anyway?" ~Gopher

  18. - Top - End - #1128
    Ettin in the Playground
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    Quote Originally Posted by Balmas View Post
    2947: I am proficient with stringed instruments. That does not grant me proficiency with garottes.
    If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
    If you can string a guitar, you can string someone's neck just fine.
    ~~Courage is not the lack of fear~~
    Quote Originally Posted by gooddragon1 View Post
    If the party wizard can't survive a supersonic dragon made of iron at epic levels it's his own fault really.
    "In soviet dungeon, aboleth farms you!"

  19. - Top - End - #1129
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    NecromancerGuy

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    2948: I am not allowed to ride Zombie goats.
    2949: I am not allowed to sleep through the bandit ambush
    2950: I am not allowed to barter with with the bullywug vampire
    2951: I am not allowed to use a dead clay golem as shelter
    2952: I am not allowed to use the zombie goat (aforementioned) to kill my party
    2953: I am not allowed to eat mouldy horse burritos covered in spit
    2954: I am not allowed to exchange my leather armour for gnomish chaps

    (My players all attempted or did these... all while they were 1st level)
    78% of DM's started their first campaign in a tavern. If you're one of the 22% that didn't, copy and paste this into your signature.

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  20. - Top - End - #1130
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    Quote Originally Posted by ShadowySilence View Post
    2933: I am not allowed to have a bard who is skilled in "Perform: Rap"
    2955: That goes double for Perform: Rape.
    Adrie, half elven bard. Drawing by Vulion, avatar by CheesePirate. Colored version by Callos_DeTerran. Thanks a lot, you guys.
    This place is not a place of honor…no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here… nothing valued is here.
    "There will come a day so dark you will pray for death. On that day your prayers will be answered."
    Book of shadows, book of night, wake the beast and banish light.

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  21. - Top - End - #1131
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    2956: Making any "pal" jokes around paladins is seriously not a good idea.
    2957: Dwarves do not have murderous hatred of aristocrats as a racial trait.
    2958: I may not play a half-elf or half-orc bard if I've been listening to Cher lately.
    When in doubt, use cute little dragons.



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  22. - Top - End - #1132
    Ettin in the Playground
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    Quote Originally Posted by PurityIcekiller View Post
    2958: I may not play a half-elf or half-orc bard if I've been listening to Cher lately.

    Seconded.

    2959: For the last time, no, I may not take an Iron Golem and wear it like a suit of armor. Especially if my name is any derivitive of Anthony or Antonius. Non-compliance will result in a stark reminder of who the real war machine is.
    ~~Courage is not the lack of fear~~
    Quote Originally Posted by gooddragon1 View Post
    If the party wizard can't survive a supersonic dragon made of iron at epic levels it's his own fault really.
    "In soviet dungeon, aboleth farms you!"

  23. - Top - End - #1133
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    Quote Originally Posted by Choco View Post
    2943: Maxed out stealth scores (with all possible positive situational modifiers!), a silencer, subsonic ammo, and all range-increasing feats/class features/equipment available MAY lead to the DM deciding to just carpet bomb the whole area cause that's the only way my character is ever going to get hit by anything.
    Interesting fact: This is actually how the Soviets tried to off Simo Häyhä, a Finnish WWII-era sniper.

    Apparently they only snagged his jacket a bit.
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  24. - Top - End - #1134
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    RogueGuy

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    2960. I am not allowed to give my barbarian ranks in Perform: Orgies.
    2961. I am not allowed to claim that the above provides him with a competence bonus to fortitude saves.
    2962. Hitting someone with the broad side of my dagger is not a valid way of dealing bludgeoning lethal damage.
    2963. When communing with St. Cuthbert, I may not ask "Stupid says yes or no, right?".
    2964. My Neutral Good softie character cannot stop the group and force them to prepare a funeral for every single plant-type we slaughter.
    2965. I cannot take ranks in Craft (Smart Lies), Craft (News Network), Craft (Disguise), Craft (choreographies), Craft (taunts), Craft (Mutual Benefits) just because my cha modifier is too damn low for Bluff, Gather Information, Disguise, Perform, Intimidate and Diplomacy to work.

  25. - Top - End - #1135
    Halfling in the Playground
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    2966. not allowed to get through 3 sessions of game play in less than 45 minutes again.
    2966a. even if it was in character
    2967. can't win the boss fight by declaring myself batman then taking out a third of the bosses hp.
    2967a. especially not in a post apocalyptic batman universe while rescuing Robin and the Penguin
    2968. not allowed to claim the bosses spine as a weapon
    2969.can't make anymore cannons out of oil drums

    now for pathfinder
    2970. not allowed to build a strength based two weapon ranger specialized in throwing weapons

  26. - Top - End - #1136
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    Xerinous's Avatar

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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    2971: I'm not allowed to turn into a talking allosaurus in the middle of a crowded market just to freak out the commoners.
    2971a: Or any kind of large, carnivorous dinosaur.

    2972: Control Weather is not to be used to destroy cities, just because I don't like the people who live there.

    2973: If any part of any plan I propose involves some rope, the mayor/village elder/governor/monarch/whatever's daughter, and a horde of rabid monkeys, I am not allowed to see that plan through to completion.
    2973a: Anyone protesting this rule will be hit by a flying Core Rulebook. Pathfinder's, specifically. That thing's ridiculous.
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  27. - Top - End - #1137
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    2974: I will not have my atheist Charechtor to ask the dietys to smiteth me foes

  28. - Top - End - #1138
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    2975: As interesting as it might be, I cannot have the entire party play NPC classes.
    2976: I'm automatically exempt from party leadership if my character's name is Donner.
    2977: If the party gets giant bird mounts only to have them killed in mid-flight, I may not say "Rocs die, everyone falls".
    2978: I may not play an archer character named Laura who has the Dagger of Amon Ra as a melee weapon.
    Last edited by PurityIcekiller; 2012-06-15 at 02:37 PM.
    When in doubt, use cute little dragons.



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  29. - Top - End - #1139
    Halfling in the Playground
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    2979. Can not convince my group to play nothing but wizards each specialized in a different school of magic

  30. - Top - End - #1140
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    Default Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

    2980: I may not play an elementallly based character unless I'm ok with constant Avatar references:
    2980a: If I'm ok with references, I'm not allowed to have the character go volatile when under extreme emotional duress and go hog wild with his/her elemental powers.
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