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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Lira's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007

    Default Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    **NEW**
    Check out The Squickie Awards and submit an entry for a chance to win!


    Hello, and welcome to the eighth Crack Pairings thread. If you haven't read the previous ones yet, you can do so here, here, here, here, here, here and here.

    Or, if you don't wish to read through all 350 pages, here's the short version: we have a roller and some tables. You roll a pairing, and maybe a plot device, then you write it, draw it, act it out, interpretive dance it, whatever! Apparently we like this sort of thing.

    An Important Note on Rules:
    We've received a few warnings from a staff member about content in the threads. Please keep these things in mind:
    - Crack pairings must involve fictionl characters only
    - They should all be board appropriate
    - Try to stay ontopic, there are other threads for random banter
    - PMing crack pairings with "mature" content is not allowed

    When posting a pairing, please at least try to do something with it. We like it when people try!

    Should you wish to roll a pairing, Sgeo coded up a roller for us. If you want that personal touch, go roll on the tables, or make up your own pairing!

    Banners!
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    Text:


    Zanaril's
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    Funky Goose's
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    Discord's
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    Saeyan
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    rangermania
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    Trixie
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    MReav
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    Kaytara
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    half-halfling
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    licoot
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    Felyndiira
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    Tables!
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    Initial Table
    Roll 2d6 (or more!) decide which tables to pick the characters from.
    1. OotS Table 1
    2. OotS Table 2
    3. OotS Table 3
    4. OotS Table 4
    5. Minion List
    6. Dead Guy List


    Table 1 - By Minion992929
    1. Roy
    2. Durkon
    3. Celia
    4. Xykon
    5. Tsukiko
    6. Vaarsuvius
    7. Monster in The Dark
    8. Miko
    9. Nale
    10. Elan
    11. Haley
    12. Belkar
    13. Lord Shojo
    14. Redcloak
    15. Hinjo
    16. Daigo
    17. Kazumi
    18. Inkyrius
    19. Roll again twice
    20. Roll again and switch gender


    Table 2 - By Minion 992929
    1. The Guy with a halberd
    2. Sarah Greenhilt
    3. Haley's dad
    4. Thanh
    5. Julio Scoundrél
    6. Mr. Rodriguez
    7. Horace Greenhilt
    8. Therkla
    9. Zz'Dtri
    10. YokYok
    11. Leeky Windstaff
    12. The Cliffport chief of police
    13. Windstriker
    14. Jirix
    15. Lien
    16. Argent
    17. Yor
    18. Roll again twice
    19. Roll again on twice on Initial Table
    20. Roll again and switch gender


    Table 3 - By Minion992929
    1. Soon Kim (incorporeal)
    2. Shadowdancer
    3. Hilgya
    4. Dorukan
    5. Bozzok
    6. Crystal
    7. Bandit King
    8. Ancient Black Dragon
    9. O-Chul
    10. The Snarl
    11. The Eye of Fear and Flame
    12. Lord Kubota
    13. Thog
    14. Julia Greenhilt
    15. Belkar
    16. The oracle
    17. Jephton/Haerta/Ganneron
    18. Roll again twice on Initial Table
    19. Roll again twice
    20. Roll again and switch gender


    Table 4 - By Minion 992929
    1. The dragon's hoard
    2. The chimera
    3. The really dangerous trap
    4. Roy's Archon
    5. The Hydra
    6. Teevo
    7. Xykon's zombie dragon head
    8. Roy's sword
    9. The entire Hobgoblin army
    10. The orc chieftain
    11. The IFCC
    12. Durkon while under the effects of Thor's might
    13. Mr Scruffy
    14. Hieronymus Grubwiggler
    15. All of the Demon Roaches at once
    16. Bone golem Roy
    17. Roll again twice
    18. Roll again on Tables 1, 2, and 3
    19. Roll again twice on Initial Table
    20. Roll again and switch gender


    Minion List -Made By MReav
    1. Goblin
    2. Hobgoblin
    3. Kobold
    4. Ogre
    5. Lizardfolk
    6. Bug-people
    7. Azure City Soldier
    8. Bandit or Thieves Guild Member
    9. Orc
    10. Owlbear
    11. Troll (flip coin to determine land or sea)
    12. Zombie
    13. Ghoul
    14. City Guardsman
    15. Angel-thing
    16. Ghost Martyr
    17. Roll again on another table.
    18. Roll again twice
    19. Roll Again and invert alignment
    20. Roll again for minion army


    Dead Guy List -Made By MReav
    1. Samantha
    2. Sangwaan
    3. Hobgoblin General
    4. Azure City General
    5. Death Knight
    6. Huecva
    7. Trigak
    8. Earth Dungeon Guardian
    9. Fire Dungeon Guardian
    10. Kraagor
    11. Mijung
    12. Eugene Greenhilt
    13. Old Blind Pete
    14. Giant Devil
    15. Buggy-Lou
    16. Isamu.
    17. Roll Again on a different table
    18. Roll Again Twice
    19. Roll Again and Switch Gender
    20. Roll again. If you roll this option twice in a row: Eastern Pantheon and World 1.0


    Supplemental Plot Devices
    Roll 1d4 (or more!)
    1. Table 1
    2. Table 2
    3. Table 3
    4. Table 4


    Table 1 - By Nerdanel
    1. Unrequited love
    2. Love potion
    3. Drunkenness
    4. Snowed in
    5. Stuck on a desert island
    6. In the afterlife
    7. Aliens Made Them Do It (not necessarily literal aliens)
    8. True love
    9. Love/hate relationship
    10. Adultery
    11. Pregnancy (use male pregnancy if needed)
    12. Pink frills and white lace
    13. French maid costume
    14. Police/military uniform
    15. High heels and black leather
    16. American high school setting
    17. Someone is a vampire
    18. Everyone is a furry version of themselves
    19. Kidnapped (By somebody inside or outside of the pairing)
    20. Roll again twice


    Table 2 - by Sereg
    1. Dream Sequence
    2. Anonymous Dating Service
    3. Bodyswapped
    4. Meta
    5. Curse
    6. Spell gone wrong
    7. Damsel/dude in distress
    8. Lots and lots of angst (because then it will be true art)
    9. Amnesia
    10. Mistaken identity
    11. Genre shift
    12. Finding “new uses” for objects
    13. The real world
    14. Geas/Quest
    15. Zone of Truth
    16. Truth, dare or command
    17. Voyeurism
    18. In a playground
    19. Roll again twice
    20. Roll again on another table


    Table 3 - by Sereg
    1. Fulfilling an unusual fantasy (as demonstrated in Coffee Included’s V x Haley x Elan with Belkar watching fic)
    2. Arranged marriage
    3. Already married
    4. Prostitution
    5. Concubines
    6. Inheritance of wealth and/or title from obscure dead relative
    7. Class change/multiclassing
    8. Team Evil is trying to save the world from the Oots’ plan to control/release the snarl
    9. Past/future life
    10. In 20 years from current comic
    11. They discover that they are close relatives at the end
    12. Disease
    13. “The whole party is controlled by giant space cats and Xykon is from modern Earth”
    14. Deus ex machina
    15. With the author or another crack-pairer (not in the ship itself, though)
    16. Narrated by somebody
    17. On the web-site
    18. Lampshading (roll again)
    19. Roll again twice
    20. Roll again on another table


    Table 4 - by Sereg
    1. While arguing with the author
    2. It’s not them, it’s their players/character sheets/stat blocks/minis/dice (Yes, I know that this isn’t a game, but when have we let canon stand in our way?)
    3. To make someone else jealous
    4. To save the world
    5. Mind-control
    6. Twins separated at birth
    7. This is what the snarl actually does
    8. In a watery environment
    9. While under attack
    10. Because of a literal genie
    11. Because if they don’t they’ll die/get unmade
    12. On the rebound
    13. In jail/a dungeon
    14. While playing strip-(insert game here)
    15. Wardrobe malfunction
    16. On meds
    17. As part of their therapy
    18. With a giant
    19. With a subversion/aversion/inversion/double subversion of (roll again)
    20. Roll again twice



    Of course, feel free to make up your own pairings!
    Last edited by Lira; 2010-04-13 at 06:09 PM.
    Credits to half-halfling for my adorable avatar.

    ...............................................

    Come visit the Discussion Thread Index II.
    Looking for a new webcomic to read? Take a look at the Webcomic List.

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Lira's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007

    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    Crack Pairings Story Index

    Entries for the April Squickie Award
    Belkar/MitD by CoffeeIncluded
    Redcloak/Miko by Gicko
    Vaarsuvius/Beholder by Icastflare!
    Shadowdancer/Elan by Taekwondodo
    Mr. Scruffy/Easter Bunny by Tira-chan
    Tiasal & Family by Water-Smurf
    Belkar/Vaarsuvius by Zanaril

    ----

    Stories by Asta Kask
    Stories by badam104172
    Stories by baf
    Stories by BatRobin
    Stories by Belkster11
    Stories by The Blackbird
    Stories by TheBibliophile
    Stories by CapedLuigiYoshi
    Stories by Cire II
    Stories by ClericOfBelker
    Stories by Closak
    Stories by CoffeeIncluded
    Stories by Cracklord
    Miko/Durkon
    Inkyrius/Bozzok
    O-Chul/Thog
    Therkla/Crystal
    Nale/The Shadow Dancer/Soulsplice
    Tsukiko/Soon
    Leeky Windstaff/Lord Kubota
    Teevo/Thanh
    O-Chul/Chief Grukgruk
    Bozzok/Tsukiko/Crystal
    Nale/Hinjo/O-Chul/Julia
    Xykon/Thog
    Edward Cullen/Harry Potter/Raistlin Majere/Xykon/Tsukiko/Lien/Stanley the Tool/Winston Churchill
    Xykon/Julio Scoundrel
    Belkar/Jenny
    Eugene/Ydranna
    Bozzok/Haley
    Lord Shojo/Julio Scoundrel
    Durkon/Lien
    Durkon/Lien
    Durkon/Lien
    Durkon/Lien
    Durkon/Lien [The Beginning]
    Julia Greenhilt/Xykon
    Bozzok/Zz'Dtri
    Julia/Roy's Sword
    Durkon/Lien
    Roy/Sabine
    Shojo/Miko
    Durkon/Lien
    Belkar in Hell [Part 1]
    Belkar in Hell [Part 2]
    Belkar in Hell [Part 3]
    Belkar in Hell [Part 4]
    Belkar in Hell [Part 5]
    Belkar in Hell [Part 6]
    Soon Kim/Mijung
    Durkon/Lien
    The OOTS in Girard's Gate [Part 1]
    The OOTS in Girard's Gate [Part 2]
    The OOTS in Girard's Gate [Part 3]
    The OOTS in Girard's Gate [Part 4]
    The OOTS in Girard's Gate [Part 5]
    The OOTS in Girard's Gate [Part 6]
    The OOTS in Girard's Gate [Part 7]
    The OOTS in Girard's Gate [Part 8]
    The OOTS in Girard's Gate [Part 9]
    Stories by CurlyKitGirl
    Stories by Dak Frostwrath
    Stories by Dark Apprentice
    Stories by The Dark Fiddler
    Stories by DarkElfGangsta
    Stories by Dark_Stryke
    Stories by doliest
    Stories by Dra-Goon
    Stories by Dr.Gunsforhands
    Stories by DukeGod
    Stories by Elan's Modron
    Stories by Elvenblade
    Stories by esmerelder
    Stories by EvilRoeSlade
    Stories by Expeditious
    Stories by Eztheria
    Stories by Felyndiira
    Stories by Forevernade
    Stories by Gicko
    Stories by Gimliggamer
    Stories by golentan
    Stories by gosh
    Stories by half-halfling
    Stories by Hijax
    Stories by icastflare!
    Stories by Introbulus
    Stories by jogiff
    Stories by Kaytara
    Stories by Kill Screen
    Stories by Kirby
    Stories by Kitteh
    Stories by KnightMysterio
    Stories by Kobold-Bard
    Stories by Kraggi
    Stories by Kyronea
    Stories by Kyuubi
    Stories by Lavieru
    Stories by Lawyergoblin
    Stories by lindorm
    Stories by Lix Lorn
    Stories by Lollie
    Stories by Lord Mattos
    Stories by Lubirio
    Stories by Lycan 01
    Stories by MagicianMan5
    Stories by Malkar Grumbo
    Stories by Mariel Dragon
    Stories by MasamuneSSX
    Stories by Meg
    Stories by Metalhead
    Stories by mizzim
    Stories by Monzach
    Stories by Moofin Bard
    Stories by Moon_Called
    Stories by MReav
    Stories by Mr. Cales
    Stories by NamonakiRei
    Stories by Nathander
    Stories by NemoUtopia
    Stories by Nerdanel
    Stories by The Odor
    Stories by Omergideon
    Stories by Oooohaloophole
    Stories by otaku_lady89
    Stories by Pid6
    Stories by pnewman
    Stories by PsychoPat
    Stories by Ronnoc
    Stories by RPGAgmJAY
    Stories by Saeyan
    Stories by SaintRidley
    Stories by Sequinox
    Stories by Sereg
    Roy/Celia
    Xykon/Celia
    Tsukiko/Horace Greenhilt
    Xykon/Redcloak [Part 1]
    Xykon/Redcloak [Part 2]
    Dragon's Hoard/Jephton/Haerta/Ganneron
    Durkon/Death Knight
    Pit Fiend/Zz'dtri
    Therkla/Thieves Guild Member
    Durkon/Vaarsuvius
    Mr. Scruffy/Snuggles
    Therkla/Banjo
    Elan/Vaarsuvius
    Julia/Durkon
    Belkar/Nacle
    Belkar/Crystal
    Vaarsuvius/Haley's Personality Aspects
    Haley/Celia
    Roy/Eugene
    Julio Scoundrel/Julio Scoundrel
    Thog/Miko [Part 1]
    Thog/Miko [Part 2]
    Thog/Miko [Part 3]
    Thog/Miko [Part 4]
    Thog/Miko [Part 5]
    Sereg/Tsukiko
    Sereg/Lien
    Sereg/Inkyrius
    Sereg/Vaarsuvius
    Sereg/Celia
    Sereg/Haley
    Sereg/Lirian
    Sereg/Sabine
    Hobgoblin General/Roy’s Sword/Roy’s Archon/Person in Distress
    Durkon/Tree
    Ghouls/Belkar [Part 1]
    Ghouls/Belkar [Part 2]
    Hieronymus Grubwiggler/The Eye of Fear and Flame
    Lizardfolk/Durkon
    Mary Sue/OOTS
    A Twisted TailBanjo/Xykon-doll
    Xykon/Tsukiko
    Tsukiko/Crypt Thing
    Miko/Jirix/Really Dangerous Trap
    Vaarsuvius/Dark Mistress Shadowgale
    More than Just DutyHaley/Zz'dtri
    Body and SoulBooted Wight/Ghast
    Stories by Sewblon
    Stories by ShinyDelusion
    Stories by ShneekeyTheLost
    Stories by Silverraptor
    Stories by Somniloquist
    Stories by Sstoopidtallkid
    Stories by Symmys
    Stories by Taekwondodo
    Stories by Tatterdemalion
    Stories by Thor Person Guy
    Stories by Tira-chan
    Stories by TooManySecrets
    Stories by TSED
    Stories by waterpenguin43
    Stories by Water-Smurf
    In the Arms of MorpheusIcelusCurse of PhobetorTragedy of HypnosPasithea's MessengerBridge Across the StarsAll in the FamilyBefore the StormIn Vino VeritasClaude Os, Aperi Oculos!Quos Amor Verus Tenuit, TenebitActa Non VerbaPawns of the GodsDumped on the Rooster
    Stories by Weimann
    Stories by WhereamI?
    Stories by WoolenSocks
    Stories by Xesirin
    Stories by Yiuel
    Stories by yubel
    Stories by Zanaril
    Stories by Zen_Heart
    Stories by Ziren
    Stories by Zolkabro
    Last edited by Lira; 2010-04-13 at 06:30 PM.
    Credits to half-halfling for my adorable avatar.

    ...............................................

    Come visit the Discussion Thread Index II.
    Looking for a new webcomic to read? Take a look at the Webcomic List.

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Lira's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007

    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    Crack Pairings Art Compilation
    A compilation of the art made specifically for the Crack Pairings Thread.

    Art by BatRobin
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    Tiasal (version one).


    Tiasal (version two).


    Art by Belkster11
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    Sangwaan and Hinjo.


    Art by CoffeeIncluded
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    Inkyrius, Vaarsuvius and their children.


    CoffeeIncluded and Haley.


    CoffeeIncluded and Haley.




    Haley.


    Art by Delorges
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    Vaarsuvius and Redcloak.


    Miko and O-Chul.


    Art by Discord
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    Vaarsuvius and Miko.


    Tsukiko and Vaarsuvius.


    Vaarsuvius and Tsukiko.


    Lirian and Aarindarius.


    Haerta and Vaarsuvius.


    Vaarsuvius, Tsukiko, and their child.


    Miko and Vaarsuvius.


    Haley and Vaarsuvius.


    Roy and Elan.


    Aarindarius and Lirian.


    Haley and Celia.


    Art by Expeditious
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    Vaarsuvius and Blackwing.


    Vaarsuvius.


    Art by Eztheria
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    Tiasal and Vaarsuvius.


    Art by Funky Goose
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    A comic version of Water-Smurf's Vaarsuvius/Redcloak story.


    Half-dragon child of Belkar.


    Young Roy and the Little Psion that Could.


    Art by Gicko
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    Zombie Dragon/ABD.


    Vaarsuvius and Redcloak.


    Jirix and Diahna.


    Vaarsuvius, Redcloak, Belkar, and Roy.


    Art by half-halfling
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    Vaarsuvius and V's personifications of femininity and masculinity.


    Vaarsuvius, Inkyrius, their children and the soul splice.


    Tsukiko and Jirix.


    Haley and Vaarsuvius.


    MiTD and Tsukiko.


    Child of Redcloak and Vaarsuvius.


    Inkyrius and Vaarsuvius.


    Vaarsuvius' Parent and young Vaarsuvius.


    Inkyrius and Vaarsuvius.


    Vaarsuvius and Redcloak.


    Tiasal and Terentius.


    Jirix, Tsukiko, Redcloak, Celia, Belkar, Roy, Haley, Vaarsuvius, Inkyrius and their children, wishing Kaytara a happy birthday.


    Tiasal, Tsukiko, and Xykon.


    Plushie Dragon Vaarsuvius.


    Aarindarius, Vaarsuvius, Inkyrius and their children.


    Aarindarius.


    Roy and Miko.


    Therkla and Miko.


    Elan, Roy, and Miko.


    A scene from Water-Smurf's fanfic, featuring Haley, Roy, Elan, and a mysterious creature.


    Aarindarius and Inkyrius.


    Inkyrius and Vaarsuvius.


    Vaarsuvius and Inkyrius.


    Lord Shojo and Miko.


    Celia dressed up as Miko, and Roy.


    Celia, Roy, Bureaucratic Deva and other Deva.


    Vaarsuvius, Tiasal, Redcloak and V's parents, wishing Water-Smurf a happy birthday.


    Tiasal and Tsukiko.


    Spock and Vaarsuvius.


    Tsukiko and zombies.


    Vaarsuvius and Belkar.


    Art by Kaytara
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    Vaarsuvius.


    Vaarsuvius and Redcloak.


    Vaarsuvius.


    Vaarsuvius and Roy.


    Vaarsuvius and Roy (coloured version).


    Young Vaarsuvius.


    Spliced Inkyrius.


    Vaarsuvius and Miko.


    Vaarsuvius and Miko (coloured version).


    Redcloak and Vaarsuvius.


    Mr. Scruffy, Belkar, Vaarsuvius, and Blackwing.


    Aarindarius.


    Aarindarius.


    Aarindarius (coloured version).


    Redcloak, Vaarsuvius, and their child.


    Redcloak, Vaarsuvius, and their child (coloured version).


    Right-Eye and Redcloak.


    Tiasal, Xykon, and Tsukiko.


    Tiasal.


    Tiasal.


    Art by Kirby
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    Haley and Vaarsuvius.


    Spliced Elan.


    Art by licoot
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    MitD.


    Durkon and the demon roaches.


    Vaarsuvius and Belkar.

    Durkon and a tree.


    Pregnant tree.

    Durkon.


    Child of Vaarsuvius and Banjo.


    Child of Redcloak and Banjo.


    Art by Meg
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    Vaarsuvius and Redcloak.


    Belkar.


    Vaarsuvius and Redcloak.


    Vaarsuvius and Roy.


    Xykon and Redcloak.


    Redcloak and Vaarsuvius.


    Tsukiko and Redcloak.


    Tsukiko and Redcloak (coloured version).


    Spliced Inkyrius.


    Vaarsuvius.


    Child of Redcloak and Vaarsuvius.


    Child of Redcloak and Vaarsuvius.


    Celia and Vaarsuvius.


    Redcloak and Xykon.


    Haley and Roy.


    Art by MReav
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    O-Chul and female members of the Sapphire Guard and Azurite soldiers.


    Art by The Neoclassic
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    Lien and the Yellow-Eyed Fiend.


    Evil Lien.


    Art by Ninjamuffin
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    Elan and Nale.


    Art by Oooohaloophole
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    Tiasal as an infernal scion.


    The Dark One and a goblin god (?).


    Tiasal.


    Tiasal.


    Tiasal.


    Tiasal.


    Tiasal.


    At by Reynard
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    Durkon and a goddess.


    The Snarl, Hades, and Persephone.


    Art by Saeyan
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    Vaarsuvius with a Miko doll.


    Vaarsuvius with a Miko doll.


    Aarindarius and Inkyrius.


    Zz'dtri and Vaarsuvius.


    Inkyrius.


    Aarindarius, Inkyrius, and Vaarsuvius.


    A wanted sign for Zanaril.


    A wanted sign for Zanaril (version 2).


    Vaarsuvius.


    Inkyrius and Aarindarius, with Vaarsuvius and Zz'dtri in chibi form.


    Aarindarius, Inkyrius, and Vaarsuvius.


    Inkyrius, Vaarsuvius, and Aarindarius.


    Inkyrius and Vaarsuvius.


    Aarindarius and Vaarsuvius.


    Vaarsuvius.


    Child of Redcloak and Vaarsuvius.


    Vaarsuvius.


    Vaarsuvius and V&RC's child.


    Tiasal.


    Vaarsuvius.


    Tsukiko.


    Scenario for Water-Smurf, featuring Tiasal and Redcloak.


    Vaarsuvius and Aarindarius.


    Vaarsuvius and Inkyrius.


    Vaarsuvius and Inkyrius.


    Aarindarius and Vaarsuvius.


    Vaarsuvius and Inkyrius.


    Aarindarius and Vaarsuvius.


    Zz'dtri and Vaarsuvius.


    Vaarsuvius.


    Art by Tira-chan
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    Spock and Vaarsuvius.


    Art by TooManySecrets
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    Female living Xykon.


    Art by Trixie
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    Celia and Belkar.


    Xykon, Tsukiko, and Miko.


    Art by Yiuel
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    "The OOTS Jr."



    OOTS Jr.


    OOTS Jr.


    OOTS Jr.


    OOTS Jr.


    Joan.


    Tiasal.


    Alex.


    Art by Zanaril
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    Undead Vaarsuvius and Xykon.


    Miko and Vaarsuvius.


    Redcloak and Vaarsuvius.


    Xykon.


    Spliced Inkyrius.


    Spliced Inkyrius.


    Spliced Inkyrius and Vaarsuvius.


    Young Vaarsuvius.


    Tiasal.


    Argent and Windstriker.


    Aarindarius and Vaarsuvius.


    Child of Closak and the ABD.


    Haley and Vaarsuvius.


    Vaarsuvius, Redcloak, and Tiasal.


    Xykon and Tsukiko.


    Vaarsuvius and Tsukiko.


    Vaarsuvius and Tsukiko (coloured version).


    Redcloak and Vaarsuvius.


    Xykon and Tiasal.


    Evil Kitty.


    Tiasal and Xykon.
    Last edited by Lira; 2010-04-13 at 06:34 PM.
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    Yay! Alright people, you heard the lady - keep it Safe, Sane, and Consensual. And try not to stray too far away from the topic; the Sheriff is watching. And he's been nice so far, but even his patience has limits.
    Last edited by Asta Kask; 2010-03-04 at 06:31 AM.
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    Oh boy!

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    YAY!

    How about...

    (Looks to see what hasn't been done before)

    Awww, everyone gots the good stuff. :(
    Last edited by Belkster11; 2010-03-04 at 06:56 AM.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    So take a traditional couple (V/RC seems to be the most prevalent, thanks to Water-Smurf) and twist it.
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    No-one can see V and RC in any way but Water-Smurf's now. DXD
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thanqol View Post
    It's like the feng shui version of an orbital death laser.

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    My God that's such a load of sheer text.
    Quoth the raven, "Polly wants a cracker."

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    Xykon/Tiasal (not really a pairing, because that would be gross)

    Spoiler
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    Xykon looked down at the little greenish child that sat on his lap. No, he could never feel love, nor did he have any desire to. But ever since he stole her from that self-righteous traitor Redcloak and his harlot of a wife he had begun to feel... possessiveness. Yes, that was the word. He could not love the child, but he could value her. Especially since the thought of Tiasal in the arms of an undead monstrosity must be causing her parents the most exquisite pain. What a torture it must be for a parent to know that his only child is in the hands of a fiend. Yes...

    - Bone-Parent. Can you tell me the Story again?

    *sigh* Always the Story. Always the same Story. It seemed to be the only thing that interested her. That and wizardry, which quite frankly made Xykon's head hurt. Still, Tsukiko had promised to take the brat and teach her once she got old enough. Make her a necromancer. Teach her the darkest of the dark arts. That would be the way to get rev...

    -Bone-Parent. You promised...

    Ah, well. He might as well, or he would just lose his temper and Meteor Swarm her into oblivion. And that wouldn't be any fun, would it? Well, to be honest it would be pretty hilarious but only for a short time...

    - Well, little Tia. Many years ago your Daddy and I conquered the smoldering pit that was then Azure City. And just as we sat there planning our next move, who dropped in if not some black-robed elf with purple hair. So she started blasting away and I rose to the challenge, naturally. It was pretty fun there for a moment or two, until I beat the crap out of her.

    - And... and...

    - *sigh*. And that, Tiasal, is how I met your mother.


    Thoughts?
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    Bone-parent. Loveit. XD
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thanqol View Post
    It's like the feng shui version of an orbital death laser.

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    Secrets of V's gender REVEALED!!! Read all about it!

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    I do feel, Roy, that any Anti-Imperialist group like ours must reflect such a divergence of interests within its power-base.

    Agreed. Durkon?

    Yeah. I think Haley's point of view is very valid, Roy, provided the Movement never forgets that it is the inalienable right of every man--

    Or woman.

    Or woman... to rid himself--

    Or herself.

    Or herself.

    Agreed.

    Thank you, brother.

    Or sister.

    Or sister. Where was I?

    I think you'd finished.

    Oh. Right.

    Furthermore, it is the birthright of every man--

    Or woman.

    Why don't you shut up about women, V. You're putting us off.

    Women have a perfect right to play a part in our movement, Roy.

    Why are you always on about women, Vaarsuvius?

    I want to be one.

    What?

    I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you all to call me 'Loretta'.

    What?!

    It's my right as a man.

    Well, why do you want to be Loretta, 'Suvie?

    I want to have babies.

    You want to have babies?!

    It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.

    But... you can't have babies.

    Don't you oppress me.

    I'm not oppressing you, V. You haven't got a womb! -- Where's the fetus going to gestate?! You going to keep it in a box?!

    [crying]

    Here! I-- I've got an idea. Suppose you agree that he can't actually have babies, not having a womb, which is nobody's fault, not even the Goblins', but that he can have the right to have babies.

    Good idea, Haley. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother. Sister. Sorry.

    What's the point?

    What?

    What's the point of fighting for his right to have babies when he can't have babies?!

    It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.

    Symbolic of his struggle against reality.
    Last edited by Asta Kask; 2010-03-04 at 11:00 AM.
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    Maybe V needs to head to the LGBTitp thread. XD
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thanqol View Post
    It's like the feng shui version of an orbital death laser.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    I really liked those Asta Kask. They were funny (especially the second). I'm also amazed that the new thread was posted in the middle of the day in my time zone. I actually managed to get in on the first page for once.

    @Weimann We've been prolific, but it isn't so difficult to catch up on the basics.

    @Belkster11 Well, we've written a lot of fics, but there's no rule against doing an old one. There have been plenty of pairings of identical characters.

    Hmmm....I thought that noone had done Celia/Vaarsuvius but I see that Kirby has. I must reread it as I've been thinking that there is potential there...

    EDIT:V You ninja'd my edit. Oh well, I suppose you have a point. I certainly hope that I manage humor in most of my fics (except in those cases where I'm not aiming for it).

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    Quote Originally Posted by Sereg View Post
    I really liked those Asta Kask. They were funny (especially the second).
    Yeah, well... it's easy to be funny with that source material.
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    Quote Originally Posted by Asta Kask View Post
    Secrets of V's gender REVEALED!!! Read all about it!
    That was hilarious and bizarre.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

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    YAY!!! New thread! *gets out fresh batch of Holy Brain Bleach*

    Let's bring out the Half-Elves!

    Quote Originally Posted by Asta Kask View Post
    Secrets of V's gender REVEALED!!! Read all about it!

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    I do feel, Roy, that any Anti-Imperialist group like ours must reflect such a divergence of interests within its power-base.

    Agreed. Durkon?

    Yeah. I think Haley's point of view is very valid, Roy, provided the Movement never forgets that it is the inalienable right of every man--

    Or woman.

    Or woman... to rid himself--

    Or herself.

    Or herself.

    Agreed.

    Thank you, brother.

    Or sister.

    Or sister. Where was I?

    I think you'd finished.

    Oh. Right.

    Furthermore, it is the birthright of every man--

    Or woman.

    Why don't you shut up about women, V. You're putting us off.

    Women have a perfect right to play a part in our movement, Roy.

    Why are you always on about women, Vaarsuvius?

    I want to be one.

    What?

    I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you all to call me 'Loretta'.

    What?!

    It's my right as a man.

    Well, why do you want to be Loretta, 'Suvie?

    I want to have babies.

    You want to have babies?!

    It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.

    But... you can't have babies.

    Don't you oppress me.

    I'm not oppressing you, V. You haven't got a womb! -- Where's the fetus going to gestate?! You going to keep it in a box?!

    [crying]

    Here! I-- I've got an idea. Suppose you agree that he can't actually have babies, not having a womb, which is nobody's fault, not even the Goblins', but that he can have the right to have babies.

    Good idea, Haley. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother. Sister. Sorry.

    What's the point?

    What?

    What's the point of fighting for his right to have babies when he can't have babies?!

    It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.

    Symbolic of his struggle against reality.
    That was hilarious Asta Kask!
    Last edited by Aaron; 2010-03-04 at 12:05 PM.
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    VElan and InkyHaley?
    HALF ELVES GALORE
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thanqol View Post
    It's like the feng shui version of an orbital death laser.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    Okay. I'll give it a try. It's O-Chul/Haley
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Spoiler
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    "O-Chul's certianly quiet over there." Haley thought to herself as she spread her cot on the grass. It was a day after they had resurrected Roy and rendevouzed with the Paladins. O-Chul was standing over a cliff looking out into the sea. He seemed unusually stotic, too stotic even for a Paladin. Against her better judgement, she got up and walked over to him.

    "O-Chul?" she asked. No response. She walked a bit closer to him. O-Chul didn't seem to hear her. She reached out and lightly touched his shoulder. He flinched.

    "Sorry if I surprised you." she said hurridly. O-Chul turned his head to her.

    "No," he said, his voice almost broken. "You didn't. I have a wound there."

    "Where he was tortured..." Haley's mouth went dry.

    "O-Chul, I'm sorry for abandoning you to the monster back...back when-"

    "It's all right, Haley," O-Chul faced her. "There was nothing you could've done." He looked down, closing his eyes as if he were trying to block out the bitter memories of his captivity. "Nothing I could have done."

    "Hin-um...Lord Hinjo," Haley began. "He said that there were a team of elves headed for Azure City."

    "Yes, I have full confidence in them." O-Chul said. "I-I'm sorry. I'm mourning for my fallen comrades."

    "Oh," Haley put a hand to her mouth.

    "Well, if you'll excuse me, I must retire for the night." O-Chul said plainly, then walked back to his tent. Without thinking, Haley felt her legs moving, following him toward the entrance.

    "GAH!" O-Chul suddenly cried out from within. Haley bounded into the tent.

    "What is it?! What's wrong?" Haley asked. O-Chul was doubled-over, clutching his side.

    "It is nothing." he said gruffly.

    "O-Chul, let me examine it." Haley said. "I may not be a healer, but I think I know some first aid. Here, lay down."

    O-Chul got down onto his cot. Haley mentally prepared herself, thinking back through the basic first aid the Thieves Guild taught her. She unbuttoned O-Chul's shirt. He didn't seem to resist her.

    Spoiler
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    Haley gasped when she pulled his shirt off.

    "Oh, O-Chul." she winced when she saw the scars, how they mangled his chest and sides. "You've suffered so much." She wrapped her arms around O-Chul's torso, pressing her breasts against his chest. She kissed the scar running across his eye, the scars on his cheeks, then the scar on his left shoulder. "This will make the pain go away."

    O-Chul didn't resist. This was the first intimate comfort he had with a woman in months. Being tortured endlessly...this almost more than made up for it. Gently, he pulled the woolen blanket over them. He felt Haley rest her ear against his heart, to hear its mighty beating.

    O-Chul put a scarred hand on her head, running his fingers through her long, red locks. He gazed out to the stars that peaked through the small slit in the tent. His eyes grew heavy. He tried to keep them open, but within moments, O-Chul, the mighty Paladin drifted to a blissful sleep.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Well, what did you think of it? :D

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    And following my other song lyrics adapted for OotS purposes, I give you -

    Inkyrius to Vaarsuvius (a few years later):

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    Are you lonesome tonight
    do you miss me tonight
    Are you sorry we drifted apart
    Does your memory stray to a bright sunny day
    When I kissed you and called you sweetheart
    Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare
    Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there
    Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again
    Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight

    Spoken:
    I wonder if you're lonesome tonight
    You know someone said that the world's a comic
    And each must play a part
    Fate had me playing in love you as my sweet heart
    Chapter one was when we met, I loved you at first glance
    You read your line so cleverly and never missed a cue
    Then came chapter two, you seemed to change and you acted strange
    And why I'll never know
    Honey, you lied when you said you loved me
    And I had no cause to doubt you
    But I'd rather go on hearing your lies
    Than go on living without you
    Now the book is closed and I'm all alone
    With emptiness all around
    And if you won't come back to me
    Then they can close to book

    Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again
    Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight


    Very good Belkster. Very good indeed.
    Last edited by Asta Kask; 2010-03-04 at 12:36 PM.
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    Quote Originally Posted by Asta Kask View Post
    Secrets of V's gender REVEALED!!! Read all about it!
    I knew it
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    Awesome SpyFox Doll by Recaiden
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    Everything Else by Me

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    Quote Originally Posted by Asta Kask View Post
    Very good Belkster. Very good indeed.
    Thanks.

    I'm planning on that being the prolouge. Chapter One will open to Haley giving birth to their baby.
    Last edited by Belkster11; 2010-03-04 at 01:03 PM.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    Ooh.
    Awesome story and song!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thanqol View Post
    It's like the feng shui version of an orbital death laser.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    Yeah, I'm trying to get away from the first page without going off-topic - all the pictures loading here slows my computer down to a crawl...

    BTW, what did people think about the story I actually wrote myself (Xykon/Tiasal)?
    Last edited by Asta Kask; 2010-03-04 at 01:10 PM.
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    It was good Asta, really good! Sweet that Tia just wanted to hear about her parents.
    Avatar by me...yup that's how good my drawing is. As in not very good.

    Crack-Pairings, Not Dead Just Moved. Someone Hasn't Been Looking In The Right Places.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Caleniel View Post
    Taekwondodo - your nick and your avatar are terrific. I want to award you something... how about enough melons to see you through the next ice age?

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    This shall be a tread of greatness.
    Evil. Iam diffrent. Have a problem with that...
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    Thanks To Dashwood for Spider avatar.
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    Wowee, look at all the pairings I missed at school! Nice job everyone!

    Oh, Lira, just so you don't forget, I did a crack pairing on the second-to-last page.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    Stories by Closak

    Roy/Belkar/Ancient Black Dragon
    ABD
    ABD/Haley
    ABD/Jirix
    ABD/Redcloak
    ABD/Redcloak
    ABD/Roy
    ABD/Janitor
    ABD/Thog
    ABD/Belkar/Elan/Nale/Durkon/Redcloak/Jirix/Yikyik
    ABD and Thog
    ABD/Nale
    ABD/Dragons
    Hmm... a pattern emerges, but I'm not sure what it is...
    Last edited by Asta Kask; 2010-03-04 at 04:14 PM.
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    wohoo!! new thread. workin on mah V/elan in a musical story. I cant wait to see what this holds for the future.
    Avatar of a Drow priestess by Teutonic Knight.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

    dont have time to say very much as i have class in ten minnutes, but yay for new topiiiic!
    \
    also: SUPER-MEGA ULTRATASTIC PAGE STRECHIIIIING!
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