GITP Monster Competition XLIV - Gits and Shiggles

[The Vorpal Tribble]

Gits and Shiggles

A barbarian and a psion walk into a bar. The rogue ducks.

Sometimes things are taken way too seriously. Loosen up, will ya? It's time for a snicker. A guffaw. A great big belly laugh. A little nonsense to lighten the mood. Knock-knock! Who's there? You tell us!


_/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/

The contest begins with the posting of this thread and will continue until the 20th of April.

Soon after a poll will be opened for everyone to vote for their favorite that will last until midnight of the last day of the month.

Rules

1. You will be creating an original D&D creature. A creature meant to amuse. It could be based on a joke, a pun, or just something for grins. BUT it must still be a usable and viable creature that follows standard rules.

Examples
Eunuchorn
Morphine Fairy
Rubber Chicken Swarm


2. The entry must include name, complete stat-block, physical description, basic background information, and detailed combat behavior if any. A plot hook or similar in addition is optional but encouraged. Incomplete entries will be disqualified upon the deadline.

3. Entries must be 3.5 edition, using the standard format listed below (not that new one seen in the Monster Manual IV-V, except for a lore section which is encouraged).

4. Post all entries on this thread. Do not post conversation here. Any and All Comments and discussions will take place on a separate thread here (this is a link).

5. One entry per participant. No double-teaming.

6. Entries copied from some other source (splatbook, alternate website, etc) will be disqualified. All entries must be a new creation, not one already posted. Adding class levels to an already published or posted creature does not count as a new monster. Nor does adding templates. There must be an original base creature devoid of any template added on as the actual entry. Samples of the original base creature with a template may be posted in 'addition' but will not be judged.

7. No reserving posts. Feel free to post a creature and tweak it, but you have to have the basic beast already done.

[The Vorpal Tribble]

Vorpal Tribble's Guide To Making Monsters

As well, here is the standard 3.5 monster format. Only complete entries will be accepted. If there are any questions feel free to ask me or post queries in the GITP Contest Chat Thread.

-=-=-=-

Name

<Size> <Type>
Hit Dice:
Initiative:
Speed: (# squares)
Armor Class: (), touch, flat-footed
Base Attack/Grapple:
Attack:
Full Attack:
Space/Reach:
Special Attacks:
Special Qualities:
Saves: Fort +, Ref +, Will +
Abilities: Str , Dex , Con , Int , Wis , Cha
Skills:
Feats:
Environment:
Organization:
Challenge Rating:
Treasure:
Alignment:
Advancement:
Level Adjustment:

Description/background/characteristics

Combat

Ability descriptions

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

- Optional -

Lore

Plot Hook/Story if any

[BisectedBrioche]

"Is this the place?", murmured the rogue.
"Yes, yes.", said a flustered looking gnomish wizard, "Approximately five (5) hours ago, some specimens escaped from my laboratory. Exactly 43 minutes later I found them and locked them in here."
The rogue paused for a moment before realising why the gnome had said "five" twice. He's met some formal people in his time but...
"As agreed", the wizard continued, unlocking the door "you will be paid 100 gp apiece for dealing with them by whatever means necessary with absolutely no collateral damage."
"Fine then.", grunted a large barbarian, who proceeded to barge into the room before anyone could stop him.
"Don't you want to know what-", the wizard began. However a young sorceress chipped in before the rogue could comment.
"He'll be fine won't he? It's Meaty we're talking about?", she said, "besides, didn't you recruit hims so you had someone to hide behind in the first place?"
All of a sudden, there was a yelp of horror and the rogue and sorceress charged into the room.
The wizard sighed, "I hope they don't expect me to help them get rid of it for free. I'm already paying them enough." Before deciding he might as well watch the show,
"Meaty?", called the rogue, "are you there?"
"There!", squeaked the sorceress. Pointing to a figure behind a curtain.
"Go away", came the Barbarian's voice, "I got them. Just get paid and I'll see you both at the inn."
On the ground nearby were the corpses of two strange creatures. They resembled bright red cloaks.
"Cloakers?", ventured the sorceress.
"That's two accounted for", said the wizard, catching up with them, "I can venture a guess where the third is. Come on I'm not giving any of you a penny until it's dealt with..."Meaty" is it? Show yourself.", and with that he pulled back the curtain.
The rogue looked dumbfounded, while a grin spread across the sorceress' face.
"What are you wearing!?"
The Barbarian was clad in an outfit, which would have look rather appealing on the sorceress, were it a few sizes smaller.
"Well I think I look quite pretty!", said the Barbarian, doing a twirl to show off his new clothing, before stopping in horror.
"Why did I say that!?", he shouted over the sorceress' giggles.
"Oh it feeds of your body heat. The more embarrassed you are the better", responded the wizard. He turned to the rogue.
"Well, I have something that will convince it to release him, but I'm afraid I will deduct the cost from your fee."
"Not again, Meaty...", the rogue sighed.

Silly Frocker
Size/Type: Large Aberration (Fire, Shapechanger)
Hit Dice: 8d8+32 (68 hp)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 10 ft. (2 squares), fly 40 ft. (average)
Armor Class: 19, touch 11, flat-footed 17 (-1 size, +2 dex, +8 natural)
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+16
Attack: Tail Slap +11 melee (1d6+6)
Full Attack: Tail Slap +11 melee (1d6+6) plus bite +6 (1d4+3)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Suggestion, Moan, Engulf
Special Qualities: Shapechanger, Fire and Aberration traits, Darkvision 60 ft., Fast Healing 5, Polymorph Clothing
Saves: Fort +6, Ref +4, Will +7
Abilities: Str 22, Dex 14, Con 19, Int 14, Wis 12, Cha 18
Skills: Hide +11, Listen +13, Move Silently +11, Spot +13
Feats: Alertness, Combat Reflexes, Improved Initiative
Environment: Urban
Organization: Solitary, Troupe (2-6)
Challenge Rating: 7
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Silly Frockers are a subspecies of cloakers that descended from a group of them which became trapped on the elemental plane of fire and a single visiting dragon. While this granted them a slight increase in toughness and a greater aptitude for magic compared to their more mundane cousins, it also made them extremely reliant on heat for their survival. As a result, while hunting on the material plane they have adopted a strategy which allows them to warm themselves on their prey before they kill it. Upon grappling it's victim the Frocker will transform into a set of clothing which it's victim will find embarrassing. It will then use a modified suggestion spell to force it's victim to act in a manner more befitting their new garments, ensuring that the embarrassment causes their victim to generate yet more heat. This can go on for several hours before the Frocker tries to kill its victim, making them significantly less dangerous than standard cloakers. Most Frockers prefer to target heavily built, male humanoids and turn into a set of feminine clothing (because the larger body mass will produce more heat). However there have been rare reports of other incidents with victims of all shapes and sizes being dressed as anything from clowns to cows.

Suggestion (Sp) As per the spell. If the Frocker has a target grappled and is using its Polymorph Clothes ability then any suggestion which involves acting in a manner that reflects the clothing counts as "very reasonable".

Moan (Ex) The Frocker retains the sonic attacks of it's cloaker brethren. A frocker can emit a dangerous subsonic moan as a standard action. By changing the frequency, the cloaker can cause one of four effects. Cloakers are immune to these sonic, mind-affecting attacks. Unless otherwise specified, a creature that successfully saves against one of these effects cannot be affected by the same moan effect from the same frocker for 24 hours. All save DCs for moan effects are Charisma-based.

Unnerve
Anyone within a 60-foot spread automatically takes a -2 penalty on attack and damage rolls. Those forced to hear the moan for more than 6 consecutive rounds must succeed on a DC 18 Will save or enter a trance, unable to attack or defend themselves until the moaning stops.

Fear
Anyone within a 30-foot spread must succeed on a DC 18 Will save or become panicked for 2 rounds.

Nausea
Anyone in a 30-foot cone must succeed on a DC 18 Fortitude save or be overcome by nausea and weakness.

Affected characters fall prone and become nauseated for 1d4+1 rounds.

Stupor
A single creature within 30 feet of the Frocker must succeed on a DC 18 Fortitude save or be affected as though by a hold monster spell for 5 rounds. Even after a successful save, the creature must repeat the save if the cloaker uses this effect again.

Engulf (Ex) A frocker can try to wrap a Medium or smaller creature in its body as a standard action. The frocker attempts a grapple that does not provoke an attack of opportunity. If it wins the grapple check, it establishes a hold and uses its Polymorph Clothing.

Attacks that hit an engulfing cloaker deal half their damage to the monster and half to the trapped victim.

Shapechanger, Fire and Aberration traits

Spoiler

Show

Aberration
An aberration has a bizarre anatomy, strange abilities, an alien mindset, or any combination of the three.
Traits
An aberration possesses the following traits (unless otherwise noted in a creature’s entry).

• Darkvision out to 60 feet.
• Proficient with its natural weapons. If generally humanoid in form, proficient with all simple weapons and any weapon it is described as using.
• Proficient with whatever type of armor (light, medium, or heavy) it is described as wearing, as well as all lighter types. Aberrations not indicated as wearing armor are not proficient with armor. Aberrations are proficient with shields if they are proficient with any form of armor.
• Aberrations eat, sleep, and breathe.

Fire
A creature with the fire subtype has immunity to fire. It has vulnerability to cold, which means it takes half again as much (+50%) damage as normal from cold, regardless of whether a saving throw is allowed, or if the save is a success or failure.

Shapechanger
A shapechanger has the supernatural ability to assume one or more alternate forms. Many magical effects allow some kind of shape shifting, and not every creature that can change shape has the shapechanger subtype.

Traits
A shapechanger possesses the following traits (unless otherwise noted in a creature’s entry).

• Proficient with its natural weapons, with simple weapons, and with any weapons mentioned in the creature’s description.
• Proficient with any armor mentioned in the creature’s description, as well as all lighter forms. If no form of armor is mentioned, the shapechanger is not proficient with armor. A shapechanger is proficient with shields if it is proficient with any type of armor.

Fast Healing 5 (Ex) This only functions while the frocker is grappling an embarrassed (or otherwise warmer than usual) humanoid or is near a fire of at least medium size.

Polymorph Clothing (Sp) On successfully grappling a humanoid, the frocker may transform itself and any clothing the target is wearing into a completely different set. This functions as a Polymorph Any Object spell. The polymorphed Frocker retains its intelligence and wisdom score and is treated as an Animated Object of the same size as the creature it grappled. An opponent must succeed on an opposing grapple check to remove the clothing, which may or may not remove their original set of clothing (at the DM's discretion) and forces the frocker back into it's true form. The polymorphed frocker grants no AC bonuses to the victim regardless of it's form. The frocker may extend the spell to any clothing the target attempts to put on subsequently. An anti-magic field forces the frocker back into it's natural form and returns the target's clothing to it's original state but doesn't break the grapple.

Combat
Frockers usually lie in wait to ambush their targets in areas with high populations. Once they spot a victim, they stop them moving with their moan and attempt to grapple them immediatly. They will then use their Polymorph Clothes ability before using their suggestion ability to draw in a crowd of passer's by and forcing their victim to put on an impromptu show.

If forced to fight the frocker will attempt to disable as many opponents at once with it's Moans and attack individuals until they are taken out of the fight. If there is one opponent left they will try to grapple them and make use of their body heat.

Lore
{TABLE=head]DC|Lore

18|This is a Silly Frocker. A subspecies of cloaker. (reveals aberration, fire and shapechanger traits)

23|They need heat to survive and gain it by grappling their prey and warming themselves on them, sometimes for days, before killing and devouring them. (reveals engulf and moan abilities)

28|They are able to transform the clothing and manipulate the mind of their victims, to embarrass them and increase their body heat Reveals all other abilities)[/TABLE]

Plot Hooks

• A local tailor is killed by a group of Frockers which he has been attempting to domesticate (mistaking them for mindless animals). The PCs must track them down before they claim any other victims.
• The fever patients at a local hospital have taken to entertaining the staff by dressing as clowns...before turning up dead and partially eaten a few days later. The culprit is a Frocker which has taken up residence in the hospital's attic, attracted by the high body temperatures of the patients.
• A member of the party is ambushed by a rival, who doses him with a poison to lower his strength before unleashing a frocker upon him. He assures the PC that he will regain his strength before it has warmed up enough to kill him, but the group must take on an adventure that day to pay the bills! Hilarity ensues.

[Bhu]

Bee-Holder
Medium Humanoid
Hit Dice: 5d8+15 (37 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30 ft (6 squares)
Armor Class: 13 (+1 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +3/+4
Attack: By weapon +4 melee
Full Attack: By weapon +4 melee
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Spells, Bee Weapons, BEES!, Curse of the Hive Lord
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 60', Bee Kinship, Immunities
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +5, Will +4
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 12, Con 16, Int 14, Wis 16, Cha 10
Skills: Craft (any 1, usually distilling) +6, Knowledge (Local, Nature) +6, Profession (Farmer, Beekeeper) +8, Survival +7
Feats: Ability Focus (Curse of the Hive Lord), Extend Spell
Environment: Warm Plains
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Group (3-6)
Challenge Rating: 5
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Neutral
Advancement: By Character Class (usually Druid)
Level Adjustment: -----

”Yew tried ta put yer seed in mah dotter's belleh!“

"No she tried to take it forcibly."

"BULL____!"

"Sir mah brother Abner bin married 7 times. He's done seedin' bellies."

"That why the sword yer wearin' says Divorce Lawyer in Elven boy?"

"Yessir. All seven wives been curses to me. Literally curses. Without magic I would'na married 'em."

"Damn thet girl, I hoped she wouldn't take after her maw...Awright if you bin married thet many times I don't spose there's much we could do to ya what ain't already bin done. You take off down the road now, and mind the bee hives."

10 minutes later

"You uh...you really are done seedin' bellies aren't you Abner?"

"Ah learned mah lessons Bert. Seriously, she came on to me."

The Bee-Holders are an agrarian rural society based around raising bees for honey (and various less social purposes). They appear as typical human hillbillies, and have a society quite similar with two exceptions: They get along well with giant bees, and they are strict vegetarians (though they do love honey).

While they are normally content to remain to themselves, contact with them is unadvisable. On the best of days they are a touch xenophobic, and always assume that outsiders have come to steal their women. Or their whiskey. Or the bees. Why they fear anyone stealing giant ticked off bees is anyone's guess. Unfortunately for them their lifestyle requires the menfolk to work long hours away from the women, who can be a tad aggressive towards outsider males they will never see again. Hence how problems often occur. It also doesn't help that the name people choose for them is easily confused with a bug eyed monster race hellbent on world domination. Bee Holders speak Common and Elven (some also speak Sylvan). They are proficient with the same armor and weapons as most Druids are as well as being proficient with bees (see below).


Spells: Bee-Holders can cast spells as a Druid whose level is equal to their Hit Dice. If they take levels in Druid their Hit Dice stack with these levels for spellcasting purposes. Perfect for your CoDzilla needs...

Bee Weapons (Su): By making a melee touch attack successfully against a Giant Bee the Bee-Holder can change it into a weapon if it fails a DC 12 Fortitude Save (Save DC is Charisma based), which most willingly do since they know whats happening and are used to this (they can be turned back as a Swift Action). Normal sized honeybees can be turned into Masterwork darts. Big Bees (see below for stats) can be turned into a Dagger of Venom (save DC for the Poison is equal to 10 plus 1/2 the Bee-Holders HD plus his Con Modifier). Giant Bees (see the Monster Manual) can be turned into +1 Returning Venomous Spears (see Magic Item Compendium for Venomous, Save DC for poison is still 10 plus 1/2 the Bee-Holders HD plus his Con Modifier). So while the old man with the huge bee setting in his lap may seem crazy, it's probably best to leave him well enough alone.

BEES! (Su): At will as a supernatural ability the Bee-Holder can summon all the bees from a hive within 60' to attack an opponent. This is similar to the Summon Swarm spell but lasts for the duration of the encounter, and the Bee-Holder can control the Swarm. In their home territory an average square mile can contain a few hundred hives. You get an idea of where this is going...(see below for Bee Swarm stats).

Curse of the Hive Lord (Su): Once per day the Bee-Holder can curse one opponent within 60' if they fail a DC 14 Willpower Save (Save DC is Charisma based). If the opponent fails the Save, Bees consider him an enemy on sight forevermore and will immediately attack him and fight to the death. This includes regular bees, Big Bees and Giant Bees. The Curse may be removed by Remove Curse, Break Enchantment, Miracle, or Wish.

Bee Kinship (Ex): Bee-Holders can communicate with Bees via telepathy at a range of 100'. All spells they cast that specifically target Animals may also target Bees. Bees of any kind (swarm or giant) are automatically friendly towards Bee-Holders, and many will defend them even without being asked to. Basically we're saying Giant Bees are like big sting prone puppies to them.

Immunities: Bee-Holders are immune to Poison and Paralysis. Odd considering they've never been stung enough to build up any immunity. Rumor has it they occasionally suck poison from the bees stinger glands but those are probably rumors spread by outsiders wanting their wimmenfolk.

Combat: Bee-Holders prefer to avoid fights since violence attracts violence. But they are also temperamental and easily angered in certain ways (don't touch their bees, their liquor, their women, or their honey). If this happens they summon bees, back them up with spells, and maybe turn a few into weapons and join the fray. Let's hope your stock of antitoxin is full up, or you've got some Neutralize Poison spells.


-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Lore
Characters with ranks in Knowledge (Geography or Local) may know of the Bee-Holders. When the character makes a skill check, the following lore is revealed, including the information from lower DCs.

{table]DC|Lore
15| Bee-Holders look like regular people, but bees like them and are like tame pets to them. They are also excellent makers of mead and whiskey (and various other crafts), and not partial to outsiders on their land.
20| Bee-Holders are proficient spellcasters who can summon bees. They're women folk tend to be frisky and are the cause of much friction between them and nearby societies.
25| Bee-Holders can turn bees into temporary magical weapons.[/table]

Plot Hook

• The local town has offended a neighboring Bee-Holder city, so the Bee-Holders have stopped selling them alcohol. The PC's are hired to retrieve some whiskey, but find the Bee-Holders have reason for being angry: One of the townsfolk got drunk, had his way with one of their women, and urinated in the whiskey vats. That's a waste of good whiskey. The Bee-Holders actually offer the PC's more money if they'll bring the fool to justice.
• One of the PC's has the night of his life at a local inn, only to discover all his newfound friends are Bee-Holders. And married. And, they claim, pregnant. Pretty soon you're all running like hell...
• The town awakes to find it's mayor dead with a bee buried in his chest. They want blood. The PC's are fairly certain the Bee-Holders didn't do it since they've befriended them (against all odds), but there may be a crazy one among them. Now they must find out who did this and why.
• The local giant bees are dying and the Bee-Holders have hired the PC's to put a stop to it.

Bee Swarm
Fine Vermin (Swarm)
Hit Dice: 3d8 (13 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 5 ft. (1 square), Fly 15 ft. (Good)
Armor Class: 23 (+8 Size, +5 Dex), touch 23, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple: +2/-
Attack: Swarm (1d6 plus poison)
Full Attack: Swarm (1d6 plus poison)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Poison, Distraction
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60', Vermin Traits, Swarm Traits, Immune to weapon damage
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +6, Will +2
Abilities: Str 1, Dex 20, Con 11, Int -, Wis 12, Cha 2
Skills: Spot +5, Survival +1
Feats: -
Environment: Temperate or Warm Plains
Organization: Solitary or Swarm (3-6)
Challenge Rating: 2
Treasure: No coins or items, 1/8 goods (honey only)
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: ---
Level Adjustment: ---

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Bees do swarm. Really they do. Especially when you kick their hives like a football. You fool.

Poison (Ex): Injury, Fortitude Save DC 11, Initial and Secondary damage is 1d4 Constitution. Whenever the swarm attacks, it loses 1d8 hp as parts of it die.

Distraction (Ex): Any living creature vulnerable to the swarms damage that begins it's turn in the same square as a Swarm must make a DC 11 Fortitude Save (Save DC is Constitution based) or be Nauseated for 1 round. Spellcasting or concentrating on a spell within the swarms area requires a Concentration Check (DC is 20 plus spell level). Using skills that require patience or concentration requires a DC 20 Concentration check.

Skills: Bees have a +4 Racial Bonus to Spot Checks and to Survival Checks made to orient themselves.

Combat: Bee Swarms attack pretty much like any other swarm, by...well...swarming.





Big Bees
Tiny Vermin
Hit Dice: 1d8 (4 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 10 ft. (2 squares), Fly 30 ft (Good)
Armor Class: 16 (+2 Dex, ), touch 16, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +0/-12
Attack: Sting +4 melee (1d3-4 plus poison)
Full Attack: Sting +4 melee (1d3-4 plus poison)
Space/Reach: 2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Poison
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60', Vermin Traits
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +4, Will +1
Abilities: Str 3, Dex 18, Con 11, Int -, Wis 12, Cha 6
Skills: Spot +5, Survival +1
Feats: Weapon Finesse (B)
Environment: Temperate or Warm Plains
Organization: Solitary or Swarm (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 1/2
Treasure: No coins or items, 1/8 goods (honey only)
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: ---
Level Adjustment: ---

"OMFG WHO GAVE THE BEES STEROIDS!"

Big Bees are foot long bees magically enhanced over generations to serve as passive guardians that attack anything within their territory. They also don't die when they sting and are more aggressive than regular bees.

Poison (Ex): Injury, Fortitude Save DC 13, Initial and Secondary damage is 1d4 Constitution.

Distraction (Ex): Bees have a +4 Racial Bonus to Spot Checks and to Survival Checks made to orient themselves.

Skills: Bees have a +4 Racial Bonus to Spot Checks and to Survival Checks made to orient themselves.

Combat: Big Bees fight to the death unless opponents are moving away from their hives. Mostly they do flyby attacks with their stings.




Big Bee Swarm
Tiny Vermin (Swarm)
Hit Dice: 6d8 (27 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 10 ft. (2 squares), Fly 30 ft (Good)
Armor Class: 16 (+2 Dex, +4 Dex), touch 16, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +4/-
Attack: Swarm (2d6 plus poison)
Full Attack: Swarm (2d6 plus poison)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Poison, Distraction
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60', Vermin Traits, Swarm Traits, Half damage from slashing and piercing
Saves: Fort +5, Ref +7, Will +3
Abilities: Str 3, Dex 18, Con 11, Int -, Wis 12, Cha 6
Skills: Spot +5, Survival +1
Feats: -
Environment: Temperate or Warm Plains
Organization: Solitary or Swarm (3-6)
Challenge Rating: 4
Treasure: No coins or items, 1/8 goods (honey only)
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: ---
Level Adjustment: ---

"...avenge me..."

Big Bee swarms are quite obviously a hazard in some areas. It helps if you don't try making your campfire underneath their nest.

Poison (Ex): Injury, Fortitude Save DC 13, Initial and Secondary damage is 1d6 Constitution.

Distraction (Ex): Any living creature vulnerable to the swarms damage that begins it's turn in the same square as a Swarm must make a DC 13 Fortitude Save (Save DC is Constitution based) or be Nauseated for 1 round. Spellcasting or concentrating on a spell within the swarms area requires a Concentration Check (DC is 20 plus spell level). Using skills that require patience or concentration requires a DC 20 Concentration check.

Skills (Ex): Bees have a +4 Racial Bonus to Spot Checks and to Survival Checks made to orient themselves.

Combat: Big Bee Swarms don't die as quickly as regular bee swarms, which makes fighting them a bit more of a problem.


work in progress

[Zom B]

In-F-able Horror

Large Magical Beast (Aquatic)
Hit Dice: 18d10+72 (171 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 60 (12 squares), Swim 30
Armor Class: 22 (-1 size, +12 natural, +1 Dex), touch 10, flat-footed surprised 21
Base Attack/Grapple: +18/+(33+2)
Attack: Bite +29 (2d6+13) or Falchion Big Scimitar +23 (2d4 (3d3-1)+6)
Full All-out Attack: Bite +29 (2d6+13) or 2 Big Scimitars +21/+16/+11 ((3d3-1)+6)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./10 ft. 3.048 m./3.048 m.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Swallow Whole
Special Qualities: Verboten Aura, Clumsy Wield, Amphibious, Darkvision 60 ft 3.636 rods, Low-light Vision
Saves: Fort Dur +17, Ref Agi +12, Will +7
Abilities: Str 36, Dex 12, Con 19, Int (12+2), Wis 13, Cha 11
Skills: Hide +22, Listen +22, Spot +22, Swim +(33+1)
Feats Talents: Blind-Fight Brawling, Great Fortitude Durability, Power Attack, Two-Weapon Fighting Wielding, Improved Two-Weapon Wielding, Greater Two-Weapon Wielding
Environment: Warm Aquatic
Organization: Solitary or with 1d4 1d3+1d2-1 sahuagin
Challenge Rating: 12
Treasure: None
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Neutral
Advancement: 18-21 Large, 22-26 Huge
Level Adjustment: -

The Horror looks something like a large fish piscine creature, its too-big, gaping mouth facing aimed forwards at you while its eyes point vacantly upwards. Despite this, the creature seems to be able to sense prey around it without problem. Its skin is a patterning in oranges, golds, reds, and whites, and covered in shimmering scales. In its stumpy arms it wields two falchions big scimitars that it waves about clumsily. Its stumpy legs, however, carry it with an unexpected alacrity.

Looking like a twisted and exaggerated Carassius auratus auratus, the Horror is usually either a solid color or a patterning common to this creature.

Although it lives near water, it can survive on land and frequently often does so a lot in order to raid the villages of in which dwell coastal halflings little people.

As for Regarding the creature's background, here is an excerpt from out of locatable in the journal belonging to Eloh Krej:

So I'm hangin' out with some pals o' mine in deh library, see? 'N' dis little pipsqueak of a mage, I can tells he's gettin' a little annoyed wid us. I fuggedaboudit and carry on, jerkin' around wid deh guise, yeh know. "Chahlie? Oh, yeah, I flippin' knocked 'is block off in second grade!" Only I didn't say 'flip.' What I was sayin' was quite a bit moah vulgah. Anywayz, so I was sayin', "That little flip never knew what was flippin' comin' to 'im! We wuz ahguin' aboud some flippin' little thing and boom! the little flip comes up an--"

"Stop saying that word." Dat little pipsqueak I mentioned was behin' me, pokin' my shouldah.

"What the flip is you probbem?"

"That word. That...F-word. Stop saying it."

I leans down into his face real good, see, and says, "Flip off."

Well, thats when deh guy goes nuts. He grabs up Petunia, his goldfish, an' starts cacklin' while walkin' oudda deh library, sayin', "I'm going to make sure you never say that word ever again! You'll be sorry!"

I thought he was just blowin' hot aiuh, but next thing I know, dis ting comes crashing tru deh wall, roarin' and snappin' at us. "Holy--" I tried to say 'flip' again, but I couldn't. My brain had it, my tongue done had it, but I just couldn't spit it out.

Well, I managed to book it oudda dere, but last I seez deh guy, he's headin' off for deh koi pond, sayin' that nobody will ever say dat woid again.

Combat

Verboten Aura (Su): A 20 foot 6.096 metre aura surrounds the creature, within which spells and effects issuances that contain "the dread letter" somewhere in their name do not function work. These weapons deal no damage and the spells fail fizzle do not work. The weapon or spell can be renamed on the spot to no longer contain "the dread letter," at which point they work normally. Words that contain this letter cannot be spoken in this radius.
Furthermore Additionally, the aura continues beyond this border, albeit weaker. Within 55 60 minus 5 16.763 metres, creatures who utter a word that contains the "dread letter" suffer take 1d6 damage for each per word.

Clumsy Wield (Ex): The Horror can treat medium-sized falchions big scimitars as one-handed weapons and can take Feats Talents as if pretending that they are proficient trained to use them, but with the normal penalties for attached to non-proficiency not being trained to use them. They use half their strength halved on these attacks.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Lore

{table=head]Check Result|Information Gathered
10|Words, spells, and weapons, containing an "F" in their name do not function as normal around this creature.
15|The creature was magically created by a mage named Thermond Rechard and soon escaped.
20|Once it made its way to open waters, sahuagins began to entrap and use them in raids and as protectors.[/table]

Plot Hooks

• The village of Farwhile is under a curse that kills people who utter words with an "F" in them. In reality, the subterranean cave system about thirty feet under the city has become home to a large group of In-F-able Horrors.
• A halfling from the coastal hamlet of Illiwick collapses at the gate of a city about twenty miles away. Speak with Dead spells have revealed that their village was attacked by sahuagin that had a large fish-like creature in chains that they unleashed on the village.

[nanobot_swarm]

The Shadow-Man

Large Outsider

Hit Dice: 10d8 (45 HP)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30 (6 squares)
Armor Class: 11(+1 Dexterity), touch 11, flat-footed 10
Base Attack/Grapple: 10
Attack: Unarmed Strike +10 (1d4 +1)
Full Attack: 2 Unarmed Strikes +10 (1d4+1)
Space/Reach: 10 ft, 15 ft
Special Attacks: Supernatural Abilities
Special Qualities: Outsider Traits
Saves: Fort +15, Ref +15, Will +15
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 15, Con 10, Int 20, Wis 10, Cha 10
Skills: None
Feats: None
Environment: Shadow-man's realm
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 7
Treasure: none
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: None
Level Adjustment: None


Combat:
The Shadow-man will never try to resort to combat, and will instead try to expel the offender in question from its realm. Should this fail, it will attempt to swipe at its aggressor with its hands

Draw-in:
The Shadow-man can create 2-D portals in the material plane, which will patrol the ground looking for intelligent creatures to capture. The target must make a Will save or be dragged into the Shadow-Man's world

Expel:
Should a "guest" prove unruly and try to attack the Shadow-Man, it will attempt to expel them from its home. The character can make a Will save and stay, though they can let it happen to them and escape.


Description:
The Shadow-Man is exactly what one would expect, a humanoid figure that is as black as a shadow, and lacks any features to define it as an individual. Though highly intelligent, it lacks an understanding of humor. Thus it attempts to capture passers-by, and tries to experiment upon them by discovering what makes them laugh. To do this, it has about a hundred joke-books filled to the brim with old jokes everyone likely has heard, in fact, one is entirely dedicated to variations of "Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?" And it will read all of them. As such many have tried to flee and/or kill this otherwise peaceful creature. Fleeing is a dumb idea though...

The Shadow-Man's Realm
His home is located in a separate plane of existence than all others, and none may access it unless it wishes for them too. The realm is a cubists nightmare, for it is an endless maze of shapes and colors that constantly changes. Should the DM wish it, they may include previous people who had fled and gotten lost, most will be insane, whether they are hostile is up to the DM.

[Debihuman]

Angel, Dairymaid
Medium Outsider (Angel, Extraplanar, Good)
Hit Dice: 10d8+40 (85 hp)
Initiative: +4
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares), Fly 60 ft (good)
Armor Class: 24 (+4 Dex, +10 natural), touch 14, flat-footed 20
Base Attack/Grapple: +10/+15
Attack: +2 bull leader +17 melee (2d4+9/x3)
Full Attack: +2 bull leader +17/+12 melee (2d4+9/x3) or slam +15 melee (2d8+7)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Spell-like abilities
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft.; low-light vision; immunity to acid, cold and petrification; resistance to electricity 10 and fire 10, protective aura, tongues
Saves: Fort +11 (+15 against poison), Ref +11, Will +11
Abilities: Str 20, Dex 18, Con 18, Int 18, Wis 18, Cha 18
Skills: Concentration+17 , Knowledge (Any 2) +17, Diplomacy +17, Handle Animal +19 (+29 Bovines), Heal +17, Listen +17, Move Silently +17, Profession (Dairy Farmer) +17, Ride +19, Spot +17, Spellcraft +7, Use Magic Device +17, Survival +7 (aboveground natural environments only)
Feats: Animal Affinity, Mounted Combat, Power Attack, Ride-By Attack
Environment: Amonia, 1st layer of the Blessed Fields of Elysium, usually near the shores of the River Oceanus
Organization: Solitary or with United Defense of Dairymaids in Elysium, Regional Society
Challenge Rating: 9
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Always Neutral Good
Advancement: 11-20 (Large)
Level Adjustment: —

The dairymaids of Elysium appear as bronzed human-like creatures with long feathery wings, wearing a traditional milkmaid uniform. They are about 5½ feet tall and weigh 150 lbs.

The United Defense of Dairymaids in Elysium, Regional Society is a union of angelic dairymaids that was created by a sisterhood of angels who retired from the rigors of the Blood War to the farmlands of Amonia near the river Oceanus in order to create an agricultural community for the betterment of all the local inhabitants. Their numbers have been growing in recent years due to the increased popularity of their magical butters.

When the Butter Churns of Io became available, the sisters petitioned the Powers of Olympus to let them guard the minor artifacts. These magical devices are used to make the magical butters that the sisters sell on the various planes.

While the angels are mostly pastoral farmers, they have been known to ride their mounts (celestial war bulls) into battle. The celestial war bulls are male celestial cattle and have 2 more hit dice than holy cows. They are specifically bred for riding, require 6 weeks of training, and can wear special saddles. Dairymaids eschew wearing armor, preferring to ride into battle in their more comfortable milkmaid uniforms.

The dairymaids speak Abyssal, Celestial, Common, Draconic, Giant, Infernal, and Sylvan, though they can speak with almost any creature because of their tongues ability.

Combat

There is nothing more fierce (nor more comical) than an angelic dairymaid riding her celestial war bull into battle while brandishing a fierce bull leader against her enemies. She can indeed lead you around by your nose! See bull leader stats below.

Protective Aura (Su): Against attacks made or effects created by evil creatures, this ability provides a +4 deflection bonus to AC and a +4 resistance bonus on saving throws to anyone within 20 feet of the angel. Otherwise, it functions as a magic circle against evil effect and a lesser globe of invulnerability, both with a radius of 20 feet (caster level equals angel's HD). (The defensive benefits from the circle are not included in an angel's statistics block.)

Spell-like Abilities: At will—aid, calm animal, animal messenger, bear’s endurance, bull’s strength, 7/day—cure light wounds; 1/day—flame strike. Caster level 10. The saves are Charisma-based.

Tongues (Su): All angels can speak with any creature that has a language, as though using a tongues spell (caster level equal to angel's Hit Dice). This ability is always active.

Skills: Angelic dairymaids have a natural bonus of +10 to handle animals that are bovines and cow-like creatures including dire cattle, gorgons, oxen, hell bovines from the Diablo web enhancement, stench kows, etc.)

Lore
A successful Knowledge (The Planes) or Knowledge (Religion) check reveals the following information. A successful bardic knowledge check reveals the information marked with an *.
{TABLE=head]DC|Lore

20|This creature is a Dairymaid, reveals type and all subtypes

25*|They raise holy cows and make the magical butter that is sold to fund the Blood War.

30|They are fierce warriors who sometimes ride celestial war bulls into battle. This reveals all special attacks and special abilities.

35*| Dairymaids are the keepers of magical butter churns. [/TABLE]

Now for the cows that the dairymaids raise and ride into battle...

Holy Cows
Large Magical Beast (Extraplanar)
Hit Dice: 5d8+15 (37 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 13 (-1 size, +4 natural), touch 9, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple: +3/+13
Attack: Gore +8 melee (1d8+9)
Full Attack: Gore +8 melee (1d8+9)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Smite Evil, Stampede
Special Qualities: Low-light vision, scent, Darkvision 60 ft., resistance to acid, cold, and electricity 5, Spell resistance 10, Damage Reduction 5/magic
Saves: Fort +7, Ref +4, Will +1
Abilities: Str 22, Dex 10, Con 16, Int 3, Wis 11, Cha 4
Skills: Listen +7, Spot +5
Feats: Alertness, Endurance
Environment: Amoria (Blessed Fields of Elysium)
Organization: Solitary or herd (6-30)
Challenge Rating: 3
Alignment: Any Good
Advancement: 6-7 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: +2

These herd animals can be aggressive when protecting young and during the mating season, but they generally prefer flight to fighting. A holy cow stands more than 6 feet tall at the shoulder and is 9 to 12 feet long. It weighs 1,800 to 2,400 pounds. Holy cows are celestial cows that are tended by the dairymaids of Amoria for their abundant milk production. Holy cows are more regal and more beautiful than their earthly counterparts. They frequently have a metallic sheen to their glossy hides. The milk from holy cows is particularly tasty and is often churned into magical butter by the aforementioned dairymaids.

The celestial bulls that the dairymaids ride have the same stats as the holy cows, but they have 2 additional hit dice.

Smite Evil (Su): Once per day, a holy cow can make a normal melee attack to deal extra damage equal to its hit dice against an evil foe.

Stampede (Ex): A frightened herd of holy cows flees as a group in a random direction (but always away from the perceived source of danger). They literally run over anything of Large size or smaller that gets in their way, dealing 1d12 points of damage for each five cows in the herd (Reflex DC 18 half). The save DC is Strength-based.

New Weapon: Bull Leader
A bull leader is a pole about 6 feet long with a spring clip on the end to snare the bull's nose ring enables the handler to keep the bull moving forward without any risk that the bull can come too close. With a bull leader, you get a +2 bonus on opposed attack rolls made to disarm an opponent (including the roll to avoid being disarmed if such an attempt fails). The bull leader uses the same stats as a ranseur. It is a two-handed, exotic, reach weapon.

New Magic Item: (Minor Artifact)

Io’s Butter Churns
These three-feet wide, barrel-shaped, wooden butter churns were given to the Dairymaids after the churns were used to humiliated Io for her affair with Zeus. Despite their ominous beginnings, the churns allows the dairymaids to create their wonderful magical butters. Each butter churn can create a single magical butter at the rate of 100 lbs. per day. Each butter is imbued with magical properties based upon the spells used and other ingredients.

Strong transmutation, CL 20 Weight 25 lbs (when empty); 125 lbs. when full of butter.

Debby

[DracoDei]

A simple fetish designed to ward off fractal bears:

Picture from HERE. sewn by Mouse at Buttons for Mouse.

Fractal Bear
Fractal Bear Fractal Bear
Fractal Bear Fractal Bear Fractal Bear Fractal Bear
Fractal Bear Fractal Bear Fractal Bear Fractal Bear Fractal Bear Fractal Bear Fractal Bear Fractal Bear
Fractal Bear Fractal Bear Fractal Bear Fractal Bear Fractal Bear Fractal Bear Fractal Bear Fractal Bear Fractal Bear Fractal Bear Fractal Bear Fractal Bear Fractal Bear Fractal Bear Fractal Bear Fractal Bear
Large Aberration
Hit Dice: 9d8+54 (94 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 17 (-1 size, +1 Dex, +7 natural), touch 10, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+18
Attack: Primary Bite +13 melee (2d6+8)
Full Attack: Primary Bite +13 melee (2d6+8), 2 Secondary Bites +9 melee (1d8+4), 4 Tertiary-And-Smaller Bites* +7 melee (1d6+2d4+15)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Nom-Nom-Nom
Special Qualities: Dark-vision 60', Low-light vision, Scent, Hybrid Vigor, Specialized Uncanny Dodge, Diminishing Attacks
Saves: Fort +12, Ref +7, Will +10
Abilities: Str 27/19/15/11/9/9, Dex 13, Con 23, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 8
Skills: Listen +5, Spot +8, Swim +13
Feats: Multi-Attack^B, Improved Multi-Attack^B , Iron Will, Endurance, Run, Track
Environment: Cold forests
Organization: Solitary or pair
Challenge Rating: 7 (Note: Mar 2013: bumped this up a point, might still be too low).
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always True Neutral
Advancement: 10-15 HD (Large)
* Thanks to DragonHawk from #QuestorTales on Nightstar IRC network for suggesting this. See Diminishing Attacks.

This creature resembles a bear standing on its hind legs (as bears sometimes do), but instead of forelegs it has the torsos and heads of smaller bears. These limbs have no legs, instead having yet smaller bear torsos with heads, and so on.

Fractal bears were created when two overly-daring magicians decided to collaborate on their work. The first, Megur the Canny, was a bender of space and time, an expert in geometries both strange and mundane. The other was Fitzsimons Rangi, a shaper of creatures. The first project they attempted was an experiment to impose Order on a small part of the Far Realms. Megur went there and cast the spell, while Fitzsimons stayed behind to rescue him if anything went wrong. Megur's life-line to Fitzsimons was a telepathic linking spell capable of working across planes. The Order-imposing spell reacted badly with the nature of the plane and fractured Megur into an infinite number of copies, while retaining his original total size between them and temporarily created a similar structure in the fabric of space around him. Fitzsimons broke the link, but not before the link broke him. Megurs' (sic) fate(s) are unknown. Fitzsimons created the fractal bears shortly afterward. Unusually for such cases, none of them escaped. In fact, Fitzsimons' son, Ignatz persuaded him to retire to an insane asylum shortly after a stable breeding population of fractal bears were created, in part by praising them as the crowing work of Fitzsimons, after which, anything less could only be a disappointment. Unfortunately Fitzsimons took this TOO much to heart, and insisted on running a lucrative business from his padded room via various proxies. Those he sold the fractal bears to as visual amusements did not prove so dutiful in their attempts to contain the beasts, and now several locations throughout the world have infestations.

Combat
Fractal Bears are more prone to attempting (usually with limited success) to ambush their prey, since their slower speed makes it somewhat easier for their prey than would be the case for their quadrupedal (distant) cousins. Once in their reach however, it is much harder for creatures to escape.

Ability descriptions
Diminishing Attacks (Ex): Since each mouth is controlled by a separate brain, fractal bears gain the Multi-Attack and Improved Multi-Attack feats as bonus feats. Each mouth uses its full strength bonus for to-hit and damage, however that strength is reduced for the smaller mouths (see the ability score line in the stat block for details). For damage purposes the smaller mouths also use the damage dice of a smaller creature. Note that this causes strength bonuses and penalties to act a bit oddly.
All the attacks on a given sub-limb below the secondary level require the largest mouth on that sub-limb to hit to give themselves an opportunity, but given such an opportunity are certain to hit, with the largest mouth holding the victim still for the split second need to curl its limbs around and strike with the smaller mouths associated with it. Thus only one attack roll is used. For purposes of damage reduction and strength effects however, these are 15 separate attacks each, dealing damage as follows:

Order	Number of Attacks	Damage Each
Tertiary	1	1d6+2
Quaternary	2	1d4
Quinternary	4	1d3-1
Sexternary	8	1d2-1

Note that this means that DR of 5 (technically even 4) that is not overcome by the fractal bear means that the attack deals only 1d6+2 damage that actually needs to be rolled* (and then is reduced by the DR as usual).
*Except in the case of stone skin or similar spells.

Hybrid Vigor (Ex): Fractal Bears gain the retain the good Fortitude and Reflex saves of the bears they are derived from, and gain the good will saves of an aberration due to the difficulty of affecting their multiple brains. Their multiple vital organs grant them their super-ursine constitution.

Improved Grab (Ex): To use this ability, a fractal bear must hit with any two individually rolled attacks (so the Tertiary-And-Smaller ones only count as one each for this purpose). It can then attempt to start a grapple as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity.

Nom-Nom-Nom(Ex): When a fractal bear deals damage with a successful grapple check it deals damage as if it had hit with all of its natural weapons, instead of the normal amount of grappling damage. Normally this works out to: 2d8+6d6+8d4+76.

Specialized Uncanny Dodge (Ex): A fractal bear retains its Dexterity bonus to AC (if any) even if he is caught flat-footed BUT NOT IF STRUCK BY AN INVISIBLE ATTACKER. Also, it still loses its dexterity bonus to AC if immobilized. A fractal bear can not be flanked. This defense denies a rogue the ability to sneak attack the fractal bear by flanking it, unless the attacker has at least four more rogue levels than the target has hit-dice.

Skills
A fractal bear has a +4 racial bonus on Swim checks.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-

- Optional -
Vorpal Weapons etc:
On a successful head-removing attack against a fractal bear, roll on the following chart to determine which head(s) are removed. This deals no damage, but does remove the associated bite attacks from the attack routine. Reduce their attacks (if it was a primary or secondary head) and damage accordingly. Fractal bears can not regrow lost heads without the aid of magic.

d% Result	Head Type removed
01-37	1d3 Sexternary
38-69	Sexternary
70-85	Quinternary
86-93	Quaternary
94-97	Tertiary
98-99	Secondary
100	Primary

Bear-staves:
If a LIMB (not a head) is somehow removed, and healing magic applied quickly enough, then the detached limb can survive just as long as a whole creature. Since it lacks both legs and a reproductive system, and even Regeneration can not cause the piece to regrow the larger aspects of its body. the applications for this procedure are somewhat limited. Some have been known mount the limbs on staves by means of a harness to create visually impressive, easy to use, pole-arms. The bear-fragment is counter weighted on the other end of the pole, usually with a sphere of stone or lead. These are an exotic weapon (most wielders are non-proficient), but require only a melee touch attack by the wielder. If the touch attack is successful, the heads on the end of the staff will all attempt to bite the target with their usual attack bonuses. All are two-handed weapons with Reach that deal slashing, bludgeoning, and piercing. The wielder can not score critical hits, but the individual bites can. Due to the unwieldy nature of the weapon, making a single attack with it is a full-round action and Haste and similar effects only work if both the weapon and the wielder are so enhanced. Bear-staves can not be enchanted in the usual way, but spells and magic items that enhance the natural attacks of a creature may be added to them normally. The living part of the weapon still needs to eat, sleep, and breath. Note that the heads (pun intended) of these weapons are usually completely feral, and attack anything that gets into reach, including their usual wielder.

Size class made for(Largest Head level)	Cost*	Attacks by fragment on successful hit	Weight
Huge (Secondary)	1,000 gp	1 at +9 melee (1d8+4), 2 at +7 melee (1d6+2), 4 at +5 melee (1d4+6)	400 lb
Large (Tertiatary)	800 gp	1 at +7 melee (1d6+2), 2 at +5 melee (1d4), 4 at +4 melee (1d2+2)	60 lb
Medium (Quaternary)	400 gp	1 at +5 melee (1d4), 2 at +4 melee (1d3-1), 4 at +4 melee (1d2-1)	8 lb
Small (Quinternary)	300 gp	1 at +4 melee (1d3-1), 2 at +4 melee (1d2-1)	1 lb
Tiny (Sexternary)	200 gp	1 at +4 melee 1d2-1	1/8 lb

*Most of the cost for materials is the rearing, sectioning, and healing of the fractal bears that the pieces are cut off from, so assume that the cost for purposes of crafting times is half of what it would normally be.

Lore
A successful Knowledge Arcana roll reveals information about a fractal bear according to the following table.

DC	Lore
19	This creature is a fractal bear. Each of its mouths delivers a separate bite, resulting in a huge potential for injury. Despite this the smaller portions tend to hit or miss as a group, rather than individually.
24	The hug of a fractal bear is exponentially more dangerous than that of a brown bear. Their multiple brains make them highly resilient to mind-influencing effects. For similar reasons their attacks are very well coordinated. (This result reveals all Aberration traits. As well as the Nom-Nom-Nom and Hybrid Vigor qualities and the fact that they have the Multi-attack and Improved Multi-attack feats.)
29	While the visual perception of a fractal bear is only barely better than that of an ordinary brown bear, at least one of their multiple heads is almost always twisted around to look in any given direction. For this reason flanking them is usually completely pointless. Vorpal Weapons are highly unlikely to reduce the creature's offensive abilities, and even less likely to kill it. Fractal Bears were originally kept in the menageries, etc (but almost never as actual pets) of the wealthy as curiousities. Their multiple brains and redundant vital organs allow portions of them to survive even if severed from the larger body, provided healing is applied quickly. Rumors of ruthless people mounting these severed peices on poles with a heavy counter-weight for use as weapons persist. (This reveals the Specialized Uncanny Dodge quality, the mechanical effects of a vorpal sword on them(if the GM is using that optional rule), and allows a DC 20 Knowledge(History) check to know the general facts behind their inspiration and creation. This is also the minimum level of knowledge to start using Spellcraft and Knowledge(Nature) if, for some reason, an individual wishes to recreate the species from scratch.)
34	Due to a quirk of how their jaws work, the attack of a fractal bear is especially sensitive to anything that increases or decreases its strength. Any defense that reduces the severity of individual injuries is especially useful against their smaller attacks despite the fact that they almost always hit or miss in groups. (This reveals all remaining traits and reduces the DC of the Knowledge(History) to 10.)

Plot Hooks
Carnivorous tribbles are suspected in a series of recent attacks on live-stock due to the wide range of bite sizes... if any of them grow large enough to develop into the legendary Vorpal Tribble, the kingdom is doomed (although sages differ as to if it would simply be a creature that no champion could hope to defeat, or if its inception will cause every aspect of nature to come alive, hundreds of types of new beasts to spontaneously spring into existence, and new-born celestials to cleanse the area with unheard-of wrath to spare the rest of the multi-verse). While fleeing the area, the party encounters a fractal bear, and must bring this new evidence to the authorities in a convincing enough manner to bring an end to the mass panic that has started.


[Epic] A dimensional collapse is threatening to merge two demi-planes together. Megur the Canny(s) would have crucial knowledge as to how to repair the breech, but the only way to attract his/their attention at this point would be to give him/them a frame of reference by providing him/them with at least 16 objects to focus on that are at least as complex as his/their current structure (fractal bears being the most readily available things that fit the bill), then cast the following spells on him/them with no more than 1 round elapsed from the first to the last:
-1 Wish or Miracle
-2 Heals
-4 Restoration, Greaters
-8 Restorations
-16 Restoration, Lessers

Once this is accomplished (the) Megur(s) will regain sanity for a single round. During this time he/they can read as much information as he/they can see (so displaying the entire question on scrolls or using some sort of instantaneous thought transfer would be the most likely methods of compressing a sufficiently detailed description into the time available), and still have sufficient time for each of his/they bodies to speak a single word. These words, if arranged in order from the largest body that spoke them to the smallest, will form his/their complete and accurate analysis of how to solve the problem.

[Cog]

Fish in a Barrel

Tiny Construct (swarm, augmented animal)
HD 4d10 (22 hp)
Speed 5 ft. (1 square)
Init: +3
AC 16; touch 15; flat-footed 13
(+2 size, +3 Dex, +1 armor)
BAB +3; Grp -
Attack Swarm (1d6 plus Water-Logged)
Full-Attack Swarm (1d6 plus Water-Logged)
Space 10 ft.; Reach 0 ft.
Special Attacks Attractive Shot, Distraction, Water-Logged
Special Qualities Animal Vulnerabilities, Barrel Containment, construct traits, Darkvision 60', Easy Shot, half damage from slashing and piercing weapons, low-light vision, swarm traits
Saves Fort +1 Ref +4 Will +0
Abilities Str 2, Dex 17, Con -, Int -, Wis 8, Cha 7
Skills -
Feats -
Environment Any
Organization Solitary or Fish Market (2-4)
Challenge Rating 3
Treasure -
Alignment Always Neutral
Advancement -
Level Adjustment -

This overly-large barrel seems to merely be tucked away in a corner at first. Only as you get nearer do you hear the sound of living fish swimming within its depths, their movement occasionally sending water sloshing over the barrel's open rim.

Fish in a Barrel are created to protect their users against ranged attack, and are often used to help lock combatants into melee range with the creator's other, more brutish minions; Fish in a Barrel on their own are barely any threat at all. While there are more straight-forward protections against ranged threats, the protection provided by Fish in a Barrel is day-long with the tireless efficiency that can only be expected of constructs and undead. The fish inside are still living animals, but are magically bound to the construct, working much like the gears in a clockwork device. Fish in a Barrel weigh around 30,000 pounds, mainly due to the sheer volume of water they contain.


Combat
Fish in a Barrel have poor maneuverability and little reason to enter combat directly; most often they are commanded to remain in place. Their compatriots may often attempt to maneuver enemies into the swarm's space, however.

Attractive Shot Fish in a Barrel provide a preternaturally attractive target to any raged attacker. Any creature other than the Fish in a Barrel's creator attempting to make a ranged attack (any action which requires either a Ranged or a Ranged Touch attack roll) within 200' of the swarm must succeed on a DC 14 Will save or direct all ranged attacks for that round at only the Fish in a Barrel. A successful save allows the creature to direct its attacks as it wishes for that round. Whether or not a creature has saved against this effect, a new save is required in any subsequent round that it again attempts a ranged attack. The save DC is Charisma-based and includes a +4 racial bonus.

Distraction Any living creature that begins its turn with a swarm in its square must succeed on a DC 12 Fortitude save or be nauseated for 1 round. The save DC is Constitution-based.

Water-Logged Fish in a Barrel attempt to drown any creature in their midst. Any creature that takes the Fish in a Barrel's swarm damage is additionally subjected to a grapple attempt, as if the swarm possessed the Improved Grab ability. Fish in a Barrel are treated as Large for the purpose of grappling, and their shifting form allows them to use their Dexterity modifier in place of Strength on grapple checks, resulting in a total modifier of +10. Fish in a Barrel always only attempt to achieve a Pin, submerging their opponent completely by doing so, and subjecting their opponent to the standard rules for Drowning. Successful grapple checks by the Fish in a Barrel after achieving a pin force 3 additional rounds' worth of air from the target creature's lungs.

Animal Vulnerabilities Though Fish in a Barrel are constructs, they retain all the vulnerabilities of animals, and are still subject to spells and other effects that target either animals or constructs.

Barrel Containment Fish in a Barrel are kept animate by the water contained within their barrel. The barrel itself is treated as armor for the purposes of all special attacks, with AC 12 (-1 size, +3 Dex), Hardness equal to the swarm's HD plus 2 (typically 6), and Hit Points equal to the swarm's normal total (typically 22). The barrel itself does not benefit from the swarm's partial immunity to piercing and slashing weapons. Because the swarm is partially separated from its environment by the barrel, it cannot actively move into an opponent's space without succeeding on an appropriate opposed check; anyone attempting to bull rush, grapple, or otherwise maneuver an opponent into the swarm's range must move their target an additional 5 feet to account for lifting them over the barrel's rim. While the barrel does not provide a magical enhancement bonus to the Fish in a Barrel's AC, the magic it is imbued with makes it function as magical armor with regard to special attacks.

Easy Shot It's easy to shoot Fish in a Barrel. For any ranged attack roll against the swarm that would otherwise miss, there is a 25% chance that the attack actually hits.

Knowldege (arcana)
{TABLE=head]DC|Lore
10|These creatures are Fish in a Barrel; this result reveals Animal Vulnerability and all swarm traits
15|Fish in a Barrel are actually magical constructs; this result reveals all Construct traits
20|These creatures present a strange allure to archers and other ranged combatants; they're such an easy target that they're eerily difficult to pass up
25|Fish in a barrel may be mindless, but their instincts are vicious. A creature enters the swarm at its own peril [/TABLE]

Construction
Assembling the barrel requires a DC 11 Craft (cooperage) check, while collecting appropriate fish requires a DC 11 Profession (fishing) check. The inside of the barrel must be inlaid with various arcane sigils, for a total cost of materials of 150 gp.

CL 6th; Craft Construct, animal trance, command, protection from arrows; caster must be at least 6th level; Market Price 7,000 gp; Cost 3,650 gp + 280 XP

[The Dark Fiddler]

The Jester

Medium Outsider (Extraplanar)
Hit Dice: 8d8+8 (44)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 30 ft.(6 squares)
Armor Class: 18 (+2 Dex, +6 Deflection), 18 touch, 16 flat-footed
Base Attack/Grapple: 8/8
Attack: Unarmed Strike +12 melee (1d10+2) or +2 Cream Pie +12 ranged (1d8+2)
Full Attack: Unarmed Strike +12/7 melee (1d10+2) or +2 Cream Pie +12/7 ranged (1d10+2)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Spell-like abilities, Improvisation, Yo Momma!, Look! A Distraction!, Armor Piercing Slap
Special Qualities: I Got Better, I’m Not Dead Yet!, Can’t Fool Me!, You Wouldn’t Hurt ME, W. E. Coyote’s Law of Cartoon Inertia
Saves: Fort + 7, Ref +8, Will +6
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 14, Con 12, Int 12, Wis 10, Cha 22
Skills: Bluff +17, Concentration +12, Disguise +17, Escape Artist +13, Knowledge: Local +12, Perform: Comedy +17, Sense Motive +11, Sleight of Hand +13, Tumble +13
Feats: Improved Initiative, Weapon Finesse, Improved Unarmed Strike
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary, Duo, Troupe (3-7)
Challenge Rating: 8
Treasure: Half standard
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Advancement: By class
Level Adjustment: -

"And now for something completely different."

Jesters are beings from another plane. Nobody is sure what plane they’re from, but that’s not really the point. They often come to our plane to help spread the humor they love so much. Although their name may imply the looks and humor of the stereotypical court jester with those awesome bell-hats, and indeed many make themselves look as such, they can appear in nearly any humanoid form and can use any forms of humor to help them.

Combat

Spell-like abilities
At will- ghost sound (DC 16), open/close, prestidigitation, expeditious retreat, feather fall, silent image (DC 16), ventriloquism (DC 17),tongues; 1/day-charm person (DC 17), disguise self, hideous laughter (DC 17), minor image (DC 18). Caster level 8th, saves are Charisma based.

Improvisation (Ex)
A Jester is so skilled at Improvisation that he is considered proficient with improvised weapons. In his hands, these weapons deal damage equal to a monk of a level half his racial HD. Additionally, he takes only half the penalties from using weapons or armor he is non-proficient with and is considered to have ranks in any skill he has no ranks in equal to half his racial HD, though this does not allow him to use skills that cannot be used untrained. Finally, all improvised and natural weapons (including unarmed strikes) are considered to have a +2 enhancement bonus and overcome damage as if they were chaotic.

Yo Momma! (Ex)
Once a day, a Jester may target any one target that can hear him with this ability. As a standard action, and with a well place insult (which may or may not be against the target’s mother), the target is distracted. The creature must succeed on a Will save (DC 20) or be unable to do any actions that require concentration (such as casting a spell or activating a magical device, although the exact details are up to the DM) unless they succeed on an additional Will save (DC 20). If this second save is failed, the ability is unable to be used but the action and the attempt (if applicable) is still used. For every save failed (except the initial save) the creature gains a +1 on their save. Succeeding on a save ends this effect, which lasts a number of rounds equal to the Jester’s Charisma modifier. If the initial save is succeeded, the target is merely flat-footed for one round, but gains a +2 circumstance modifier on attack rolls against the Jester for the duration of the effect. This is a mind-affecting language-dependant ability.

Look! A Distraction! (Ex)
Once a round as a move action, a Jester may make a bluff check against any target, opposed by a sense motive check. If the subject fails the sense motive check, it is considered flat-footed until the Jester’s next round. Any modifiers that would apply to the Jester’s feint attempt apply to this ability. Against any creature the Jester cannot verbally communicate against, the Jester takes a -4 penalty to his bluff check. This is a mind-affecting ability.

Armor Piercing Slap (Ex)
Twice a day, a Jester may declare any unarmed attack an ‘Armor Piercing Slap’. This attack deals extra damage equal to the Jester’s Charisma modifier, and may ignore up to his Charisma modifier of either the opponent’s Armor bonus or Natural Armor bonus to their Armor Class. This ability may not be used in conjunction with a full attack. Additionally, a Jester's unarmed strike deals damage equal to that of a monk of his Effective Character Level.

I Got Better (Ex)
Once a day, when a Jester fails a save against a spell, ability, or effect, the Jester may choose to reroll the save.

I’m not Dead Yet! (Ex)
A Jester is able to fight normally when at or under 0 HP, and does not die until reaching his Charisma score HP below zero.

Can’t Fool Me! (Ex)
A Jester is so adept at fooling people that he can see through ruses. A Jester gets a +2 bonus on all saves against illusions, and may reroll a save against any such effects thrice a day (but never more than once on the same effect).

You Wouldn’t Hurt ME (Ex)
A Jester exudes an aura constantly that makes attacks seem to simply roll around him. He gains his Charisma modifier as a Deflection Bonus to his armor class.

W. E. Coyote’s Law of Cartoon Inertia (Ex)
Jesters seem to have the ability to completely ignore gravity… until they notice it. If a Jester walks off of a surface purposefully into thin air, he may continue to walk normally as though the surface was still there, as long as he makes a DC 15 Will save to avoid noticing gravity. For every round this ability is active, the Jester must make an additional save, with the DC increasing by one every round. If the Jester fails the initial save, he falls as normal. However, if he fails one of the later saves, he instead takes twice as much damage from falling and falls twice as fast as normal.


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Lore
{table=head]DC|Lore
10|These creatures are supposedly masters of humor
15|They come from a far off plane, but nobody knows which
20|They prefer non-violence, but can make fearsome enemies
25|Their comedy prowess is said to give them powerful abilities should you anger them[/table]

[The Vorpal Tribble]

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