Most Pathetic DnD Monster

[Ilmryn]

What, in your opinion, is the most pathetic monster? (no homebrew)

Here is my idea:
1st level kobold commoner: Anything weaker than this probably won't be an actual moster. Housecats are an excellent defense.

Edit: Anything that has no means of attacking does not qualify as a monster. Pathetic, not harmless.
Edit: No homebrew. Otherwise, anything goes, including templates.

[Marriclay]

Are we going by ECL versus CR, or by stats themselves? in the former your asking what's the easiest thing to take down at a given level, while the latter is asking what's the wimpiest period

[Pink]

You don't get much weaker than a toad

Edit: and now I have the stranger urge to use a swarm of them somewhere in my games.

[Ilmryn]

Are we going by ECL versus CR, or by stats themselves? in the former your asking what's the easiest thing to take down at a given level, while the latter is asking what's the wimpiest period

Stats. CR stops working at 1/4 or so, mainly because anything deserving a CR lower than that is probably not worth any XP anyways.

[PersonMan]

You don't get much weaker than a toad

Well, they have a decent AC for their CR. Level .1 characters might not hit that very often...

[Eloi]

What, in your opinion, is the most pathetic monster? (no homebrew)

Here is my idea:
1st level kobold commoner: Anything weaker than this probably won't be an actual moster. Housecats are an excellent defense.

Anything that has no means of attacking does not qualify as a monster. Pathetic, not harmless.

Beware the Kobold. Beware the POWER OF PUN-PUN.

[Pink]

Well, they have a decent AC for their CR. Level .1 characters might not hit that very often...

Defense means nothing when your total offense consists of...nothing.

Kobold commoner is actually proficient with a weapon and such.

Edit: Also, I think there might have been an edit to the Op since I've posted. I therefore hypothosize that the toad could in thoery attack...by jumping down the throat of a PC and Choking them!

[Marriclay]

are we allowed to put templates or permanent spells on these pathetic monsters?

[Ilmryn]

Beware the Kobold. Beware the POWER OF PUN-PUN.

Pun-Pun is about as far from a 1st level commoner you can get. Besides, pun-pun would have worked perfectly well with a nonkobold.

Yes, kobolds can be dangerous...with the right class levels. A 1st level commoner does not have the right class level.

[Dracons]

I just find it funny that Toad's are wiser then the average human.


Or Elf.

Or Dwarf.


Really any core race, the average toad is much more wiser.

[Dracons]

Pun-Pun is about as far from a 1st level commoner you can get. Besides, pun-pun would have worked perfectly well with a nonkobold.

Yes, kobolds can be dangerous...with the right class levels. A 1st level commoner does not have the right class level.

Ahh, but pun-pun can be made by a first level commoner now...

[Greenish]

Kobold commoner is actually proficient with a weapon and such.

Kobold commoners have three natural attacks, natural armour and two martial weapon proficiencies.

[Ilmryn]

Ahh, but pun-pun can be made by a first level commoner now...

I stand corrected. The most pathetic monster in dnd is a:
Nonoptimized 1st level kobold commoner

[Kobold-Bard]

The Tarrasque.

Patheticness is all relative. By CR20 standards, this thing is is a block of poisoned cheese in a box.

[Ilmryn]

Kobold commoners have three natural attacks, natural armour and two martial weapon proficiencies.

Since when do 3.5 kobolds have natural attacks?
A commoner is proficent with one simple weapon. For a kobold, this is probably a light crossbow or a spear.

[Draz74]

Since when do 3.5 kobolds have natural attacks?
A commoner is proficent with one simple weapon. For a kobold, this is probably a light crossbow or a spear.

Since this web article.

[Pink]

Kobold commoners have three natural attacks, natural armour and two martial weapon proficiencies.

Ummm...no they don't...You should read the SRD before you post such things. kobold commoner proficient with 1 simple weapon.

I am of course assuming that the OP meant the SRD kobold instead of the improved races of dragon kobold.

[PId6]

I nominate the Terrasque.

Edit: Damn kobold ninjas.

[Ilmryn]

Since this web article.

I did mean the original kobold when I posted, having never read that article.
Even so, a small creature with 0 bab and -4 to strength will be pathetic with melee attacks. Sure, it has 3 attacks using that material, but it would attack at -1/-1/-6, and do 1d3-2 points of damage. Still pathetic.

[PersonMan]

I did mean the original kobold when I posted, having never read that article.
Even so, a small creature with 0 bab and -4 to strength will be pathetic with melee attacks. Sure, it has 3 attacks using that material, but it would attack at -1/-1/-6, and do 1d3-2 points of damage. Still pathetic.

Weapon Finesse. If they put their 13 into Dex, they have a total of +3 to hit with light weapons.

[Pink]

I did mean the original kobold when I posted, having never read that article.
Even so, a small creature with 0 bab and -4 to strength will be pathetic with melee attacks. Sure, it has 3 attacks using that material, but it would attack at -1/-1/-6, and do 1d3-2 points of damage. Still pathetic.

Yes, but potentially not quite as pathetic as say, a grey elf commoner. Grey elf will have a lower AC and only 1 attack. Potentially a lower attack as well if we're assuming the weapon of choice is a crossbow.

Edit: Personman: look at the prerequisites on weapon finesse. It's hard to forget but it's there.

[Greenish]

Weapon Finesse. If they put their 13 into Dex, they have a total of +3 to hit with light weapons.

Can't take it at first level with commoner.

[Kobold-Bard]

I nominate the Terrasque.

Edit: Damn kobold ninjas.

The Kobold-Ninja LIVES!!!

[Greenish]

Ummm...no they don't...You should read the SRD before you post such things.

Why should I?

[Ilmryn]

Yes, but potentially not quite as pathetic as say, a grey elf commoner. Grey elf will have a lower AC and only 1 attack. Potentially a lower attack as well if we're assuming the weapon of choice is a crossbow.

Edit: Personman: look at the prerequisites on weapon finesse. It's hard to forget but it's there.

The Gray Elf's adjustments to physical abilities are -2 str, +2 dex, -2 con. A kobold has -4 str, +2 dex, -2 con. The gray elf would have a lower attack roll due to size, but would deal more damage.

[Draken]

The CR 20 Megapede is pretty lame.

Well, if you find one in a tunnel or similarly underground, it can be absurdly bloody dangerous, but if you meet one in the open it is about as dangerous as a toad. No ranged attacks, no flight, no particularly relevant defenses. Piss-poor Touch AC.

Most brutal poison in the game outside of Devastation Vermin, however.

[CockroachTeaParty]

A sickened, shaken, exhausted, entangled, venerable kobold commoner in Mountain Plate, throwing a spiked chain at a target 100 ft. away, with several active Bestow Curse spells cast upon it (and no proficiency feats for the armor or weapon, of course).

[Pink]

The Gray Elf's adjustments to physical abilities are -2 str, +2 dex, -2 con. A kobold has -4 str, +2 dex, -2 con. The gray elf would have a lower attack roll due to size, but would deal more damage.

Str is irrelevent if you're using a crossbow, no need to mention it. As far as damage is concerned, the drop from a d8 to a d6 to be able to better hit the target is pretty good. Kobold also gets a +2 ac over on the grey elf.

[Ilmryn]

A sickened, shaken, exhausted, entangled, venerable kobold commoner in Mountain Plate, throwing a spiked chain at a target 100 ft. away, with several active Bestow Curse spells cast upon it (and no proficiency feats for the armor or weapon, of course).

Of course.

[Kobold-Bard]

A sickened, shaken, exhausted, entangled, venerable kobold commoner in Mountain Plate, throwing a spiked chain at a target 100 ft. away, with several active Bestow Curse spells cast upon it (and no proficiency feats for the armor or weapon, of course).

Not at all contrived, I'd use this in my games