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  1. - Top - End - #121
    Orc in the Playground
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    Default Re: Most Pathetic DnD Monster

    The bogun. An ugly tiny (iirc) construct that has a 1/20th chance to blow off its own creator in favor of doing whatever it wants instead, but still costs ritual time and XP in order to create. It does have an average strength poison though.

  2. - Top - End - #122
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    balistafreak's Avatar

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    Default Re: Most Pathetic DnD Monster

    Quote Originally Posted by Savannah View Post
    Isn't there also CR 1/3 and 1/6? Or am I imagining things again? That still puts it at less than 8 steps below, though...Go balistafreak! Level up!
    So I grabbed my Quarterstaff (doesn't cost any gold, you see, which is not only hard to get in this day and age but something that as a Commoner I'd have very little of anyways) and went on my adventure.

    However, it seemed that the toads had intelligence on me! Before I even made it to the woods, I was confronted with this:

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    They'd massed up in preparation for a full-scale retaliation!


    A battle of epic proportions ensued. Their lack of offensive options led them to attempt to bull-rush me into traffic. However, between my +1 Strength modifier and their -21 to bull-rushes, they never succeeded.

    I attempted both using the quarterstaff as a two-handed weapon and as two weapons. With only +1 to my attack rolls, it was either one attack that needed a 14 or two attacks that needed 18 and 20 - soon I was only using two-handed fighting, smashing a toad every eighteen seconds or so.

    However, I soon realized that I would be there all day. The toads would wear me out. I fell back to the local tavern and used an untrained Diplomacy check to call in a few more 1st level adventurers with actual class levels, tempting them with the prospect of easy XP:

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    Between their extra actions and AoE effects, we were able to force the horde of toads to go back from whence they came, their numbers severely depleted. The aftermath:

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    We looted the toad corpses, but either our search checks sucked or they weren't kidding when they said those of the animal subtype have no treasure.

    However, one of the adventurers had ranks in Craft (leatherworking) and several days later presented us with these:

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    So we didn't leave completely empty-handed from this affiar. Oh, and we're all 3rd level now, eight CR steps above 1/10.
    Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put tomato in fruit salad. Charisma is convincing someone it's a good idea anyways.

    I am a 12/13/13/17/15/17 True Neutral Sorcerer2.

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  3. - Top - End - #123
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Most Pathetic DnD Monster

    Quote Originally Posted by Savannah View Post
    Wouldn't the most pathetic monster (without modifications) be the shrieker? It's a fungus that screams when anyone gets near it. Nothing else. It can't move and can't attack. Which is all well and good, except that it's CR 1. Meaning you get XP for chopping up something that can't fight back or escape in any way.

    Hm, if I remember correctly the shrieker fungus thingys are used by drow as an alarm system (first drizzt novel). I donīt have my books here so I donīt really know if they exist normally in nature too, but if itīs only used as an alarm system then the power would be to "summon" quite a few very angry drow which is not a bad ability

  4. - Top - End - #124
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Pink's Avatar

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    Default Re: Most Pathetic DnD Monster

    Quote Originally Posted by balistafreak View Post
    Everything
    That...was epic....Way to go!
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  5. - Top - End - #125
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    Coidzor's Avatar

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    Default Re: Most Pathetic DnD Monster

    Quote Originally Posted by Emmerask View Post
    Hm, if I remember correctly the shrieker fungus thingys are used by drow as an alarm system (first drizzt novel). I donīt have my books here so I donīt really know if they exist normally in nature too, but if itīs only used as an alarm system then the power would be to "summon" quite a few very angry drow which is not a bad ability
    They occur "naturally," too, sometimes in a symbiotic relationship with more mobile and aggressive fungi which leave the remains of the things that set off the shriekers so that the shriekers will continue to alert them of food sources. At least, they occur that way in one of the premade adventures releashed by WOTC that one of my buddies ran us through once.
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  6. - Top - End - #126
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    Default Re: Most Pathetic DnD Monster

    Flumph. CR 1 critter that looks like a jellyfish. If you flip it upside down, it can try to make a DC20 escape artist check once per day to flip right side up. Even so, it can't really hurt you or do anything more then smell bad.

  7. - Top - End - #127
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    Default Re: Most Pathetic DnD Monster

    Quote Originally Posted by LordWolfgang View Post
    Flumph. CR 1 critter that looks like a jellyfish. If you flip it upside down, it can try to make a DC20 escape artist check once per day to flip right side up. Even so, it can't really hurt you or do anything more then smell bad.
    Flumphs save millions of lives every day when Flying PCs are hit with a Dispel Magic etc.

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  8. - Top - End - #128
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Most Pathetic DnD Monster

    Quote Originally Posted by balistafreak View Post
    Awesomeness
    That was hilarious!
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  9. - Top - End - #129
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    Default Re: Most Pathetic DnD Monster

    Quote Originally Posted by Dust View Post
    In combat, they transform into a HAWT FEMALE DROW to seduce their opponents. If this fails, they transform back down into it's normal form, violates them with tentacles in order to reduce future will saves, then changes form back to a girl and tries the seduction routine again.
    Can I quote that?

    Quote Originally Posted by balistafreak View Post
    winsome
    Also, can I link to that?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thanqol View Post
    It's like the feng shui version of an orbital death laser.

  10. - Top - End - #130
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    balistafreak's Avatar

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    Default Re: Most Pathetic DnD Monster

    Quote Originally Posted by Lix Lorn View Post
    Also, can I link to that?
    ... umm... sure. I just threw it together in 15 minutes, thought it'd make a nice laugh.
    Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put tomato in fruit salad. Charisma is convincing someone it's a good idea anyways.

    I am a 12/13/13/17/15/17 True Neutral Sorcerer2.

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  11. - Top - End - #131
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    hamishspence's Avatar

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    Default Re: Most Pathetic DnD Monster

    Quote Originally Posted by Dust View Post
    I dominate the Yochlol. Not because it's a poor combatant, but because it fits the criteria of being incredibly pathetic. Lloth's 'most favored servant' is a disgusting, tentacled and shapeless handmaiden that gets sent to serve DROW PRIESTS at her command. Not only is being the servant that gets sent to serve under OTHER servants just about the lamest gig ever, it gets worse.

    In combat, they transform into a HAWT FEMALE DROW to seduce their opponents. If this fails, they transform back down into it's normal form, violates them with tentacles in order to reduce future will saves, then changes form back to a girl and tries the seduction routine again.

    Pretty much the definition of the most pathetic monster ever.

    Apparently high priestesses of Lolth get transformed into them after death- as the highest a soul devoted to Lolth can expect to rise.

    Which may be the icing on the cake.

    From Elaine Cunningham's Windwalker:
    You are not dead.

    The yochlol's voice sounded in Shakti's mind, feminine and somehow familiar. She recalled vaguely a theology class at Arach Tinilith, the priestess academy, concerning the nature and origins of yochlol. That had been an academic debate, something of little interest to the practical Shakti. Now she wished she had paid closer attention.

    "I am in the Abyss," Shakti said carefully, not wishing to openly contradict the handmaiden. "I challenged another priestess and lost. If I am not dead, what am I?"

    Here, the yochlol responded. You are here, no more or less. Even in the Abyss, there are many ways of being or not being. Before you stands the glorious form toward which a priestess of power and prestige might aspire!

    Beneath the proud words lay a level of irony, and beneath that, despair. Shakti's suspicions hardened into certainty.

    "You are not long dead," she ventured. "You still remember your life and your name."

    In time, all this will fade, the yochlol promised. The priestess will be forgotten. Only Lolth will remain.
    So, even yochlol are somewhat despairing.
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  12. - Top - End - #132
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Beholder

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    Default Re: Most Pathetic DnD Monster

    Hmm, I once made a character with a 2 AC, or 0 when he raged. Sounds pretty pitiful, considering he was like 6th level. His name was the Weavle. Props to anyone who can guess the reference or how I did it.

  13. - Top - End - #133
    Orc in the Playground
     
    AssassinGuy

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    Default Re: Most Pathetic DnD Monster

    Quote Originally Posted by M-Bark View Post
    Bats and toads both have 1/10 CR and no attacks at all. How about a fusion of them?


    This would create a BATTLETOAD!

    You don't wanna go there....

  14. - Top - End - #134
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    Lix Lorn's Avatar

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    Default Re: Most Pathetic DnD Monster

    Thanks!

    Was he named after a Weavile?
    Also, really really low dexterity and no armour?
    Recent Homebrew: The Socialite | The Crystalline: Memory Altering Construct Race | Sanguine Hand, a ToB Discipline of blood and cruelty
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thanqol View Post
    It's like the feng shui version of an orbital death laser.

  15. - Top - End - #135
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    Leon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Most Pathetic DnD Monster

    Ive always found the Lemure Devil to be pretty pathetic
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  16. - Top - End - #136
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Beholder

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    Default Re: Most Pathetic DnD Monster

    Quote Originally Posted by Lix Lorn View Post
    Thanks!

    Was he named after a Weavile?
    Also, really really low dexterity and no armour?
    Nah, it's a reference to an internet thing.
    I believe it was something along the lines of cursed armor, a playable gelatinous template for the negative natural armor, piss-poor dex, and such.
    He had a 12 1/2 foot speed and had nothing going for him except hit points up the wazoo.

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