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  1. - Top - End - #421
    Eldritch Horror in the Playground Moderator
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Quote Originally Posted by Admiral Squish View Post
    Alright, fixed the treasure, added a mention of advancement by character class, and added a clause about multiple infestations of termite smile stacking.

    So, anyone notice that I stole virtually all the abilities straight from the song? 'you're as cuddly as a cactus' 'You've got termites in your smile' 'the three words that best describe you are as follows and I quote: Stink, Stank, Stunk.' 'You're a crooked jerky jockey and you drive a crooked hoss'
    We would have been disappointed if you hadn't.

  2. - Top - End - #422
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    I've finally submitted an entry again.

    It's been a while since I've homebrewed anything, so if I've made a mistake somewhere, feel free to tell me. Any PEACH would be apreciated.

    Also, I can't think of any plot hooks, so I'm open to suggestions.
    Last edited by BisectedBrioche; 2010-12-05 at 12:59 PM.
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  3. - Top - End - #423
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Does the entry have to be frightening? As in, can I do something that's "anti-Christmas" without being horrific?
    “Sometimes, immersed in his books, there would come to him
    the awareness of all that he did not know, of all that he had not read;
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  4. - Top - End - #424
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Tis the Season!

    ZOMG! i've endered a non-fey into a competition! Ok, it was originally going to be but i've gone with outsider as it seems better for "the evil men do"

    Basically an old tradition twisted into the Office Christmas Party.

    Twelfth Knight could really do with some considered opinion on the Lord of Misrule ability and how that will impact CR [i think the thing is actually going to get exponentially more dangerous as level increases, see...] as it will be a lot less bizarre an encounter without it
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  5. - Top - End - #425
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Would a natural 20 still be an automatic hit, or would natural 1s and 20s have switched places in effect?
    Last edited by BisectedBrioche; 2010-12-04 at 08:42 PM.
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  6. - Top - End - #426
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Quote Originally Posted by Bisected8 View Post
    Would a natural 20 still be an automatic hit, or would natural 1s and 20s have switched places in effect?
    ooo, good question...
    Mine is not so much a Peter Pan Complex as a Peter Pan Doom Fortress and Underground LairTM!
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  7. - Top - End - #427
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Quote Originally Posted by Vaynor View Post
    Does the entry have to be frightening? As in, can I do something that's "anti-Christmas" without being horrific?
    Sure. Horrific isn't necessary.

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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Changes have been made to the Goat of Sacrificial Horror. I changed Strangulation to constriction.

    Constriction is now a Spell-like ability, because it is derived from its magical item. Is that correct?
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    I've added some plot hooks. But I could still do with one or two more and some PEACH.
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  10. - Top - End - #430
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Okay, I'm peaching the Nicks here.

    In no particular order.

    Climb is +6 not plus 8. -2 +8 = +6. And you left off the skills section regarding climb (See below). Skills are not noted with a B [unless the English version of D&D books is different from the American version].

    If you meant to give the Nick a racial bonus to Climb, don't bother. The Climb speed should be sufficient.

    Skills: A creature with a climb speed has a +8 racial bonus on all Climb checks. The creature must make a Climb check to climb any wall or slope with a DC higher than 0, but it always can choose to take 10, even if rushed or threatened while climbing. If a creature with a climb speed chooses an accelerated climb (see above), it moves at double its climb speed (or at its land speed, whichever is slower) and makes a single Climb check at a -5 penalty. Such a creature retains its Dexterity bonus to Armor Class (if any) while climbing, and opponents get no special bonus to their attacks against it. It cannot, however, use the run action while climbing.

    Dart damage is missing "plus poison".

    Somehow Filching should gain the Nick a racial bonus to Sleight Of Hand skill. It just seems appropriate. I'd make it a +4 racial bonus.

    You may want to rethink the Use Rope skill. It doesn't fit as well as Escape Artist would.

    Quote Originally Posted by LOTRfan View Post
    Changes have been made to the Goat of Sacrificial Horror. I changed Strangulation to constriction.

    Constriction is now a Spell-like ability, because it is derived from its magical item. Is that correct?
    I'd say get rid of the spoilers. They are annoying and unnecessary to the entry. Only use spoilers if there's actually something worth hiding. You put the item in HUGE capital letters so it's not necessary to hid the stats.

    corrections to the item are in red.

    "...treated as secondary attacks. In addition, for every round it grapples an opponent after the first, the wearer deals 2d4 points of bludgeoning damage. The wearer's strength modifier is added to the damage roll.

    Faint Transmutation; CL 5th; Craft Wondrous Item, Girallon’s Blessing; Price 8,000 gp; Cost 4,000 gp + 320 xp.

    I like constriction damage better than strangulation. Since the constriction ability comes from a magic item, I'm not sure what the appropriate special ability type should be, if any. Supernatural seems more appropriate but magic items are my biggest weakness.

    Anyone know how this should work?

    Debby
    Last edited by Debihuman; 2010-12-05 at 02:56 PM.
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  11. - Top - End - #431
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Quote Originally Posted by Debihuman View Post
    Okay, I'm peaching the Nicks here.

    In no particular order.

    Climb is +6 not plus 8. -2 +8 = +6. And you left off the skills section regarding climb (See below). Skills are not noted with a B [unless the English version of D&D books is different from the American version].

    If you meant to give the Nick a racial bonus to Climb, don't bother. The Climb speed should be sufficient.

    Skills: A creature with a climb speed has a +8 racial bonus on all Climb checks. The creature must make a Climb check to climb any wall or slope with a DC higher than 0, but it always can choose to take 10, even if rushed or threatened while climbing. If a creature with a climb speed chooses an accelerated climb (see above), it moves at double its climb speed (or at its land speed, whichever is slower) and makes a single Climb check at a -5 penalty. Such a creature retains its Dexterity bonus to Armor Class (if any) while climbing, and opponents get no special bonus to their attacks against it. It cannot, however, use the run action while climbing.

    Dart damage is missing "plus poison".

    Somehow Filching should gain the Nick a racial bonus to Sleight Of Hand skill. It just seems appropriate. I'd make it a +4 racial bonus.

    You may want to rethink the Use Rope skill. It doesn't fit as well as Escape Artist would.
    Thanks. I've removed the ranks in climb and noted the poison n the attack entry.

    I though the "use rope" skill could tie into the fact that they need to wrap gifts, but escape artist probably fits better. I've also added the +4 bonus to Sleight Of Hand to the Filch ability description and adjusted the skills section. Thanks for the suggestion.
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Bisected: Don't forget the size modifier to Hide skill. I'm not sure how you applied the ranks to each skill. It should have 56 skill ranks as Fey creatures have skill points equal to (6 + Int modifier, minimum 1) per Hit Die.

    I'd recommend giving the nick its max rank of 7 in each skill. That should give you 8 skills with ranks to work with. It gets a climb bonus so it doesn't need ranks in that and it should have ranks in sleight of hand. You should probably pare down the skill list a little. It probably doesn't really need Open Lock as a skill.

    Debby
    Last edited by Debihuman; 2010-12-05 at 03:55 PM.
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    Please, please, please when using non-core material, cite to the books. There are too many books to wade through to find the one with the feat, special ability or spell you use.
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  13. - Top - End - #433
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Thanks again. Necessary changes have been made. I added the source of Girallon's Blessing.

    Got rid of spoilers. I think that is it.

    Bisected: I'll see if i can think of any more plot hooks.
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Quote Originally Posted by Debihuman View Post
    Bisected: Don't forget the size modifier to Hide skill. I'm not sure how you applied the ranks to each skill. It should have 56 skill ranks as Fey creatures have skill points equal to (6 + Int modifier, minimum 1) per Hit Die.

    I'd recommend giving the nick its max rank of 7 in each skill. That should give you 8 skills with ranks to work with. It gets a climb bonus so it doesn't need ranks in that and it should have ranks in sleight of hand. You should probably pare down the skill list a little. It probably doesn't really need Open Lock as a skill.

    Debby
    I just gave it 8 skills I though it would use for burgling and maxed them out to 7 (hence why it has Open Lock). The +4 in Sleight Of Hand is from the racial bonus you suggested in the last post (I think that's the correct way to list it anyway...).

    Anyway, I've adjusted the entry to take the size bonus into account.

    Quote Originally Posted by LOTRfan View Post
    Thanks again. Necessary changes have been made. I added the source of Girallon's Blessing.

    Got rid of spoilers. I think that is it.

    Bisected: I'll see if i can think of any more plot hooks.
    Thanks, I'm having trouble thinking of anything outside of "People are acting wierd after being given stuff".
    Last edited by BisectedBrioche; 2010-12-05 at 06:07 PM.
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Bisected: do you have any objection to me using your little Santa-gremlins as part of the encounter groups entry for my entry? I have this really wierd idea that between them, they could explain the song "twelve days of Christmas"
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Did some more work on the Chorror, but no stats yet, just found a pic and filling in some of the fluff.
    Zombitar courtesy of Djinn_In_Tonic.

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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Quote Originally Posted by Mulletmanalive View Post
    Bisected: do you have any objection to me using your little Santa-gremlins as part of the encounter groups entry for my entry? I have this really wierd idea that between them, they could explain the song "twelve days of Christmas"
    I'd be flattered if you did.
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Quote Originally Posted by Bisected8 View Post
    I just gave it 8 skills I though it would use for burgling and maxed them out to 7 (hence why it has Open Lock). The +4 in Sleight Of Hand is from the racial bonus you suggested in the last post (I think that's the correct way to list it anyway...).
    You didn't add in the ability modifiers, synergy bonuses, and bonuses from feats. Here is the corrected skill line (in alphabetical order)

    Skills: Appraise +9 (+11 to appraise gift wrap), Craft (Gift Wrap) +9, Escape Artist +10, Gather Information +10, Hide +16, Jump +5, Move Silently +10, Sleight of Hand +7, Use Rope +3 (+5 to bind someone else)

    Edit:

    You really need to proofread your entry. You change from singular to plural in too many sentences, making it difficult to read.

    The nick's bag should be identified as a variant bag of holding. Does the bag survive if the nick is slain? Can the bag be used by others? If the nick is disintegrated, there is no corpse -- what happens to the items in the bag then?

    Debby
    Last edited by Debihuman; 2010-12-06 at 04:25 PM.
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    Please, please, please when using non-core material, cite to the books. There are too many books to wade through to find the one with the feat, special ability or spell you use.
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Quote Originally Posted by Debihuman View Post
    You didn't add in the ability modifiers, synergy bonuses, and bonuses from feats. Here is the corrected skill line (in alphabetical order)

    Skills: Appraise +9 (+11 to appraise gift wrap), Craft (Gift Wrap) +9, Escape Artist +10, Gather Information +10, Hide +16, Jump +5, Move Silently +10, Sleight of Hand +7, Use Rope +3 (+5 to bind someone else)

    Edit:

    You really need to proofread your entry. You change from singular to plural in too many sentences, making it difficult to read.

    The nick's bag should be identified as a variant bag of holding. Does the bag survive if the nick is slain? Can the bag be used by others? If the nick is disintegrated, there is no corpse -- what happens to the items in the bag then?

    Debby
    That's what I get for writing things up in the small hours of the morning...

    Their filch ability isn't supposed to be a bag, just extra dimensional space they have access to though....

    EDIT: Rewritten the entry to make sure that the pronouns are consistent and clarified the nature of the Filch ability.
    Last edited by BisectedBrioche; 2010-12-06 at 07:43 PM.
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Anything else wrong with the Grinch as he stands?
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  21. - Top - End - #441
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    I think the Grinch is fine as is.

    The nicks still have a few proofreading errors. The save is missing the ability it is based on in Unwanted Gift. The type of bonus is missing from the +2 bonus that a bonded person gets to leave the gift alone. This should be a circumstance bonus.

    Debby
    P.E.A.C.H. Please Evaluate And Critique Honestly. Being nicer and kinder doesn't hurt either. Note I generally only critique 3.5 and Pathfinder material.
    Please, please, please when using non-core material, cite to the books. There are too many books to wade through to find the one with the feat, special ability or spell you use.
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Quote Originally Posted by Debihuman View Post
    I think the Grinch is fine as is.

    The nicks still have a few proofreading errors. The save is missing the ability it is based on in Unwanted Gift. The type of bonus is missing from the +2 bonus that a bonded person gets to leave the gift alone. This should be a circumstance bonus.

    Debby
    Thanks. I've made the changes.
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    I notice we have a few entries that still aren't complete for the GITP Monster Competition LII - Nightmare Before Christmas.

    The monster stat blocks don't need to be in spoilers UNLESS you are working from a movie that not everyone has seen or the picture you are using is big (see FAQ and rules regarding such things). If you are making a monster from any other media (i.e. book, movie, TV, etc.) you should preface that material somewhere before the spoiler.

    Just because I do a lot of critiquing here, I would actually prefer that the entries don't use spoilers at all unless absolutely necessary. I often have to work with several tabs and frequently go back-and-forth between them. Spoiler tags are just more things I have to click on to look at the entry and anything that can save me time would be much appreciated. I also might miss stuff if I'm copying information.

    That said, I don't generally start critiquing until the monster entry is complete because I don't have the time.

    If you need help, want advice or what not, just ask. You can post here or send me a private message. I try to get to all monsters before the deadline so if you wait until the last minute, I might not get to you.

    Good luck and good gaming!

    Debby
    P.E.A.C.H. Please Evaluate And Critique Honestly. Being nicer and kinder doesn't hurt either. Note I generally only critique 3.5 and Pathfinder material.
    Please, please, please when using non-core material, cite to the books. There are too many books to wade through to find the one with the feat, special ability or spell you use.
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    I'm done barring the Lore section and adventure ideas [not that you can really do much more with it than ruin a big celebration but still].

    Twelfth Knight Can i haz Critique plz?!

    VT, could i just check that the CR format I've used isn't illegal [it does literally get more dangerous the higher level you get]...
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Likewise - I'm going to work out the Lore/Adventure hooks for the Felpine Shambler in a few days when I'm home for break and have nothing to worry about.

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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Now that I think about it, should I remove the spoilers from the "letters" in the introductory fluff?
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Bisected -- treat the letters like pictures. They belong in spoilers because they aren't part of the stat block. And it might be too long for one post if you didn't.

    It's just that I've missed stuff that I should have seen because it was in a spoiler while I was going back-and-forth between tabs. The letters don't have an impact on the stat block.


    [Edit] Mulletmanalive, why are your special abilities listed in weird places? Gravity, Schmavity belongs in Special Qualities. Then if you want to bring attention to it, you make it a note next to Speed like so. It would be listed twice.

    Speed: X feet (See Gravity Schmavity for details)

    It seems to be that the scepter poker doesn't cause any damage other than hideous laughter. I have no idea how it is supposed to look in the stat block If you said, "0 damage plus hideous laughter," that might make it look more standard. At least you would note that there isn't supposed to be any physical damage. Is the scepter poke a special attack or a standard one? You need to explain the weird BAB.

    I recommend that you rename Hideous Laughter as a Special Ability as Scepter Poke and explain the BAB there and then note that it causes no damage other than to cast hideous laughter (needs a caster level and what the DC is).

    [EDIT] Today 12/11/10 just looking at a few things that probably should be fixed.

    The Chanuka Chorror's CR is probably too high and the caster level to summon is too low.

    Admiral Squish: change the name of Stench to "Stink, Stank, Stunk." Yes, it is a standard Stench but really, you have a theme going and I hate to see it broken up. :-)

    Insanity Claws probably should be a Magical Beast rather than a Fey creature.

    [Edited again] Bisected: Lore checks are 10 + monster's HD. Should start at 14 not 12 (14, 19, 24, 29).

    Debby
    Last edited by Debihuman; 2010-12-11 at 09:58 PM.
    P.E.A.C.H. Please Evaluate And Critique Honestly. Being nicer and kinder doesn't hurt either. Note I generally only critique 3.5 and Pathfinder material.
    Please, please, please when using non-core material, cite to the books. There are too many books to wade through to find the one with the feat, special ability or spell you use.
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  28. - Top - End - #448
    Troll in the Playground
     
    BisectedBrioche's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    Some rainly old island
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Quote Originally Posted by Debihuman View Post
    Bisected -- treat the letters like pictures. They belong in spoilers because they aren't part of the stat block. And it might be too long for one post if you didn't.

    It's just that I've missed stuff that I should have seen because it was in a spoiler while I was going back-and-forth between tabs. The letters don't have an impact on the stat block.


    [Edit] Mulletmanalive, why are your special abilities listed in weird places? Gravity, Schmavity belongs in Special Qualities. Then if you want to bring attention to it, you make it a note next to Speed like so. It would be listed twice.

    Speed: X feet (See Gravity Schmavity for details)

    It seems to be that the scepter poker doesn't cause any damage other than hideous laughter. I have no idea how it is supposed to look in the stat block If you said, "0 damage plus hideous laughter," that might make it look more standard. At least you would note that there isn't supposed to be any physical damage. Is the scepter poke a special attack or a standard one? You need to explain the weird BAB.

    I recommend that you rename Hideous Laughter as a Special Ability as Scepter Poke and explain the BAB there and then note that it causes no damage other than to cast hideous laughter (needs a caster level and what the DC is).

    [EDIT] Today 12/11/10 just looking at a few things that probably should be fixed.

    The Chanuka Chorror's CR is probably too high and the caster level to summon is too low.

    Admiral Squish: change the name of Stench to "Stink, Stank, Stunk." Yes, it is a standard Stench but really, you have a theme going and I hate to see it broken up. :-)

    Insanity Claws probably should be a Magical Beast rather than a Fey creature.

    [Edited again] Bisected: Lore checks are 10 + monster's HD. Should start at 14 not 12 (14, 19, 24, 29).

    Debby
    Oh, I thought it was 1/2 the creature's HD. My bad. ¬_¬"
    Hi, I'm back, I guess. ^_^
    I cosplay and stream LPs of single player games on Twitch! Mon, Wed & Fri; currently playing: Nier: Replicant (Mon/Wed) and The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons (Thurs or Fri)

  29. - Top - End - #449
    Firbolg in the Playground
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
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    On my back, in my heart
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    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    Very well, the change is made. I also changed cactus fur to 'cuddly as a cactus'.
    My Homebrew
    Five-time champion of the GITP monster competition!

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  30. - Top - End - #450
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    PirateGuy

    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Australia
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    Male

    Default Re: GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

    This is my first ever entry in the competition. Hopefully its a decent attempt at a character. I have a lot of trouble with judging CR, so any help there would be welcome.

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