[Twi]Vampyr Assassin!!!: A Lynching Spin-off

[darkblade]

I did not sound like that did I?

"No you were never that bad Romeo." James says raising his sword into an almost effortless block, James's skills might be second hand and slow but this guy barely had any. If it weren't for his vampire power he wouldn't be worth the time.

[The Shoveler]

{Bah, he's implying that if it weren't for the Higher Officials, then the vampyre buddies wouldn't have been here to die at all}
He notes a flaw in this person's armor. His stomach is the weak spot, both in armor and in race. Was this man retarded?
He was about to find out! Bang, bang, bang!

[Colesign]

Team Assassin

Yes, he is that retarded much of an idiot. (Last year in college, I signed a pledge to never use the word Retard, due to it's ignorant and prejudical stigma towards mentally handicapped people. So no R-Word for me.)

He swings his Katana down with clumsy strength, only to have it be smoothly be blocked by Jame's blade.

He goes all bug-eyed. "Impossible!!!! Nothing can stop a Katana!!!"

Then the barrel of Johnny Python's G36 jams itself into his gut.

He looks down. "FFFFFuuuuu...."

Bang, Bang, Bang!

He falls back, blood spewing out of his ruptured belly. The Katana falls from his limp fingers.

Blood pouring from his mouth, he tries to speak.

"Truly, there is no mistress as dark and tempting as Lady Death: foresooth, none shalt resist her keen eye, and bosom, and dark visage. Farewell, worlddddddd....."

He closes his eyes and goes limp with a gaggggggkk sound.

[The Shoveler]

{Ah, sorry if I offended you. Mental Retardation is nothing to play around with. Some of my friends are Mentally Handicapped, and they are some of the nicest people I know. I shall vow to use the word idiotic in place of this insensitive word.

...Also, is the blood acidic?}

[Colesign]

{How dare you imply that Mentally Handicapped People Have Corrosive Acid for Blood!!!!

...oh. Whoops, sorry. Um, the Blood of Red Court Vampyrs is not acidic.}

[The Shoveler]

{Cool. Thought they were ALIENS for second there }

The blood splatters on his gun and over his arm. He brings the gun up to his face and licks some of it off. The snakes finish the job, tasting the blood.
"Where to next, crew?" he asks, looking around.

[Colesign]

Team Assassin

On further reflection, there's only one place to go: into the keep tower, with two big wooden doors as it's entrance.

Looks a little ominous.

[The Shoveler]

Python takes a cigarette and puts it in his mouth, not bothering to light it. He didn't smoke, he just thought it looked cool.
"Well then, Opensesame!" he says, resting his foot against the door and "kicking" it open.

[Colesign]

Team Assassin

You see the doors slide open. There's a spiral staircase that's...spiraling up.

Well, only one way to go...

FORWARD!!!

[The Shoveler]

And onward he goes, looking as confident as ever! The others follow as he ascends.

[Colesign]

Team Assassin

The Vampyr Assassins ascend up the spiral staircase, disappearing out of sight. As the great doors clang closed, silence reigns across the ruins of the courtyard.

Then a groan. Damocles Ravenborn stirs and drags himself over to the nearest Red Court Vampyr corpse. Pulling out a knife, he slits open the creature's belly. As the blood pools out, he desperately laps it all up with a snake-like tongue, until his wounds heal. Then he staggers to his feet.

"You shall pay, Assasssins: oh how you shall pay! With thine own hands I shall feast upon your life-blood, and tear your guts out at the point of my Samurai Sword. First I shall train hard at A Shaolin Monastery, and then when my skills have reached their height, I'll eat all the monks. Then I'll do it again at a Kendo school, until I'm super-duper strong! I'll learn sorcery too, and..."

Let's leave for now, shall we?

Level 3: Cleared!!!!

Onward to Level 4: Castle-Mechvania!!!

The spiral stairs eventually end, and you find yourselves in a part of the Castle-Mech...that looks like a Castle.

Statues of angels emerges from four buttresses on each side of the hallway-like room: there are darkened alcoves to the left and right, and a long red carpet leading to a big wooden door.

[industrious]

The Captain

"Like I was saying," The Captain said, despite not having said anything earlier.

"I could tell that that was the Leaning Tower of Pisa. To start, it was really tall. Then, it was inhabited by the Red Court, who is obviously led by the Red Barron. And the Red Barron Pizza is, logically, derived from the Red Court otherwise it would have a different name. Thus, that was the Leaning Tower of Pizza I destroyed. I will never be able to set foot in Little Italy again."

Spoiler

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This is, in fact, an expression of my utter disgust for Plato's Republic. It's logic actually resembles the Captain's in a great many places. Substitute justice for Red Barron Pizza, and you have one of his arguments.

[darkblade]

Spoiler

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He was a step up from his teacher Socraties

James looks around the Castle like part of the castle mecha. "This means we're getting close right? We at least could see this part from outside."

[nanobot_swarm]

Miguel deposits the ex-sacrificial victims to safety, and retrieves the spear. A shame Python killed some of the remaining vampires, their newly induced fear of God could have probably made for easy Evangelism. Whatever, he follows the group into the castle, and rolls his eyes at the angel-statues, vampires have such a weird sense of humor. He decides to investigate the angel statues first, just in case they are traps.

[Colesign]

Miguel Juan

You see no traps: however, as you move near one of the Darkened Alcoves, you see something lying on a pedestal within the alcove: upon closer examination, it's a Coffin, empty and with it's lid lying open. Upon examination of the lid, you see no name, but a Brass symbol of a crescent moon with two stylized icons of revolvers crossed over it.

This must have been the coffin of the Moondance Kid.

[The Shoveler]

"Too bad that kid's guns were too big," he says, walking in towards the coffin.
"Hey, am I the only person getting a Gothic Vampire feel here? Sorta like Dracula, but a bit different?"

[Colesign]

Team Assassin

As you move forward, you see another coffin in the opposite alcove.

This one is closed.

There are at least 12 more alcoves between you and the next set of doors.

Use Inductive Logic on this one:

{Oh: because you're on level 4 now, you all get +1 in Physical, Mental, Reflex, and Social Plot Points.

Also, here's a overview of what's left in the Crate:

2 C4 blocks

Some packs of Garlic clove necklaces.

Some White Ash poles, not yet sharpened into stakes.

The Silver-plated Knives.

The four UV lamps.

The bundles of Copper wire, meant to be used to construct holy symbols.

The Two Jars of Soup!!!!!!!!

Five parachutes.

Three unlit Torches.}

[nanobot_swarm]

Miguel carefully manuvers the mech over the coffin, and opens the lid slightly, with the Spear of Destiny at ready to stab should it be occupied by a vampyr.

[Colesign]

Miguel Juan

The lid opens, revealing a pale looking corpse lying in funeral garb, utterly still.

It's hair is immaculately combed, it's lips of a particularly ruddy complexion, with sharp elongated teeth poking out of it's mouth. The corpse's body seems strangely plump, almost bloated, and a bit of blood has trickled out of it's nose.

You're pretty sure it's a Vampyr. An asleep and helpless Vampyr at that.

You make ready to strike, then pause: if there are other Vampyres around, they'll probably be woken by the sounds of you dispatching the Vampyr: the undead, for all their merits, tend to scream a lot when being staked.

Is there something else you can do?

[darkblade]

James conceives an idea that has a large chance of going horribly wrong but it's better than anything else he's got. He snatches up some of the garlic and starts ripping up peices of the peal into confetie size. He then sprinkles these tiny peices all around the coffins, if these vampires are as Dracula-ish as they look then they will likely be forced to count the random bits of garlic peal outside their coffins when they wake up leaving them vulernable.

[Colesign]

James Connor

{+1 Mental Plot Point(•) to James for a creative solution that exploits two of the Vampyre's classic weaknesses}

Minus the Moondance kid's empty coffin, there are 13 coffins lying in 13 alcoves. You use up a lot of the garlic cloves, leaving only three intact necklaces. But you're pretty sure that if these Vampyrs wake up, they'll either be unable to leave their coffins, or in for a nasty OCD related surprise.

That leaves only the two sets of double wooden doors. What form of horror lies beyond them?

[nanobot_swarm]

Seeing no need to resort to violence just yet, Miguel moves the Hierophant away from the coffin and carefully pushes open the doors. The Spear is once again at ready to combat any undead monstrosity, while inside the mech, Miguel preps his ipod, planning on finishing the vunerable vampires when he has the chance, looking for a good podcast of Hip-Hop Catholicism to eventually broadcast.

[Colesign]

Team Assassin

You break through the door, ready for action, to find that the room you've entered is...

A weird combination of an amphitheater and a private library. The surrounding walls, with the exception of the door you've entered and a door from across the room, are lined with bookshelves. Classic, hard-cover, single-color books, the mysterious, strange books of old. There are a few study tables here and there: the one nearest you has an open book with strange diagrams and sheafs of scribbled notes to it's side: the diagrams look like this:

Spoiler

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Then there's the amphitheater section: what looks like a set of steps/sitting place, leads down to a wooden stage platform. A large chandelier hangs above it.

And on that platform rests what looks like an ornate throne. A figure is seated upon it, shrouded in a thick green cloak and mantle that hides his appearance (See the OOC page for a richly detail rendering). One of his hands is withdrawn into the folds of it's sleeve: the other hand holds a glass of Red Wine.

The figure speaks:

"Welcome. Welcome all of you."

He sips his glass of wine.

"God, how I've waited for this. It's like...like getting laid for the first time, or gunning a man down in cold blood, or snorting coke...no, all of those thing rolled into one. The anticipation...God, I'm so sure it'll be a letdown when it's done. But I can only hope that it'll satisfy. That it'll bring me peace..."

He raises a shaking hand to sip his glass of wine, then suddenly dashes it to the ground.

"...To get my Revenge over you! Yes, you!!!!!" He suddenly shrieks, pointing his finger in Team Assassin's general direction.

You've no idea who among you he's supposed to be pointing at.

[industrious]

The Captain

"I knew it! It's my arch-nemesis!"

Dramatic finger pointing is mimicked.

"It's...it's...that guy! You know...um...him! Yeah! That's who it is!"

[darkblade]

"Romeo do you know this guy?"

I cannot say I do.

"Just had to check." James says drawing his sword and swingins around the remianing garlic in his off hand.

"Are you going to threaten us all day or are we going to fight?"

[Colesign]

Team Assassin

"Not you, whoever you are!" The hooded guy snaps at the Captain. "And I'm not threatening you either!" he says to James.

There's a moment of silence. Then he begins to chuckle.

"I should have expected this, I supposed. You...you don't remember me at all. And why should you have? I was just good o'l Richie the Dragon, a humble muscleman trying to make his way in the big city."

His fist clenches. "And then, one night, you destroyed my life."

Richie the Dragon begins pacing back and forth, ranting and raving.

"I was left for dead, on the uncaring streets of Gotham. But then a Vampyr came. And he sired me by mistake. I entered into a new world. And do you know what happened. They rejected me. Humiliated me. Called me a freak. You can't know what agonies were inflicted on me. Until the day I took control of the Dracul race. Until I decided that if I was a freak, then I'd be a Freak that they feared!!!!!"

With a sudden motion, "Richie the Dragon" casts his cloak off, revealing his deformed visage.

It's not pretty. A baby German Shepherd, Shiba Inu, and Sharp Pei, have been welded to his face, his left shoulder, and his rib cage. His left arm has been amputated, and, on closer examination, a portable Hemo-Laser Cannon has been grafted onto it. His face is scared and mishappen, and his mouth is filled with razor sharp teeth and slavering slobber as he screams in fury.

But that's not the worst part. The worst part is, each and every one of the Dogs welded to his body are moving and shifting, mouths snarling and snapping, each with Red eyes of evil.

"You Did This To Me, Dog Welder!!!!!!!! YOU MADE ME THIS WAY!!!!!!"

"Well, except for the Laser arm." he amends, then takes two stomping steps forward.

"Oh, How I've Waited So Long For This!!! The Day of My Revenge, Where I'd Crush You and All Your Allies, Cut Your Throat, and Drink It All Down!!! No More Waiting!!! THIS! IS! FOR! RUINING! MY! BILATERAL! SYMMETRY!!!!!!!!!

With that, he raised his Hemo-Laser arm, and with a howl of rage, blast a Red Beam of Destruction right at Dog Welder's skull.

[nanobot_swarm]

Miguel Juan's brain is starting to hurt from this stupid revelation, so he decides his time is better spent elsewhere, and that Dog-Welder could handle this freak himself. So instead he walks right back into the coffin room, cranks up the volume on his ipod and Hierophant speakers, and plays a really painful (for them and slightly him) podcast of Hip-Hop Catholicism.

[The Shoveler]

Johnny Python looks at the lunatic.
"Dude, whatever he did, I'm not part of it. However, he's a part of the team, and if you attack him then I will be forced to take initiative," he says, keeping his gun down. He was getting low on ammo. He needed to restock or find a new weapon. That Hemoglobin laser looked nice...
He gets a wicked smirk on his face.

[Colesign]

Level Four Boss: Richie the Dragon. Fight!!!!!!!!

Miguel Juan

The next song on your playlist is a compilation album of Ol' Phat Pharisee, wherein he raps Romans 12:19:

"Avenge not yourselves, mother****ers!
That's what the Lord saith!!!
Give Place unto Wrath, mother****ers!
That's what the Lord saith!!!
'Cause it's written, do you get me?
'Cause it's written do you get me?
That Ven-Geance Is Mine!
Saith the Lord yeah!
Ah-huh, yeah.
Ah-huh, yeah.
Ah-huh. (The Lord Collects Your Debts!).
Ah-huh, yeah.
Ah-huh, yeah.
Ah-huh. (God's gonna do a drive by shooting on yo foes!)
Ah-huh, yeah.
Ah-huh, yeah.
Ah-huh. (With a Deus Ex Automatic, bitch!)
Ah-huh, yeah.
Ah-huh, yeah...

It causes all the Vampyrs in the crypt to suddenly wake up, screaming in pain. Clapping their hands to their ears, they stagger out of their coffins, only to run right into the garlic barriers, which burn their flesh on contact.

It's a smorgasboard of pain, chaos, and bad rap music.

I mean, for God's sake (if you'll pardon the ironic phrase), why do you have music like this on your iPod.

In the amphilibrary, Richie the Dragon winces as the Catholic Rap Music plays, causing his Hemolaser to miss. He shakes his head, and with a howl, charges forward to devour Dog Welder with all Four of his mouths.

Johnny Python

He utterly ignores your warning. Looks like he's not going to listen to reason.

[nanobot_swarm]

Why does Miguel Juan have this on his ipod you ask? Why after extensive research, several Cardinals discovered that playing Hip-Hop Catholicism brings untold pain onto the forces of evil (more then it does the average listener), and because it's somewhat Holy, it gets a free pass despite the swearing and very liberal interpretation of the Bible. Still its better than Father Harry's TV Bible Talk Time, which has been banned in every country except North Korea and Iran, and is treated as a war crime to play.