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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    FROM THE CREATORS OF "GAAK", "ALIEN DICE", "DARIUS", "BLACK ROSE", AND "THE CONTINENTALS" COMES:

    'CHEVALIER: THE QUEEN'S MOUSEKETEER"

    In the magical of The Hither and Yon the noble kingdoms of The Land Ever After and The Far, Far Away are on the verge of war. A sinister plot is in play. The young Princess Faere of the land of The Shire, betrothed to Prince Charming of the Land Ever After, has been mysteriously kidnapped. And all the evidence of the foul deed points to The Far, Far Away.

    With his kingdom on the verge of war with Ever After, Chevalier the mouse (a blacksmith who fancies himself a dashing "mouseketeer") volunteers his services to the High Queen of the Far, Far Away to find the missing Princess and bring her back in time to stop the war. So Chevalier and his young nephew/squire Tom-Tom go off on a quest to save the fair Princess Faere and fulfill his destiny.

    "CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer" by writer/creator Darryl Hughes ("GAAK", "The Continentals") and artist Tiffany Ross ("Alien Dice", "Black Rose", "Darius"). It's a fabled fairy tale of enor-mouse proportions.


    CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer
    http://www.shivae.net/chevalier

    It's like Sherlock Holmes meets the 60's tv show "The Avengers" with a dash of James Bond for flavor.
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  2. - Top - End - #2
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    goddamn, this is kiinda similar to an idea I want to use for a children book. I'll read it though, because I just love this kind of stories

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  3. - Top - End - #3
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    Quote Originally Posted by Fri View Post
    goddamn, this is kiinda similar to an idea I want to use for a children book. I'll read it though, because I just love this kind of stories
    Similar is not the same. I say write your children's book. Good knows another good book can only make the world a better place. :)

    I hope you do.

    Dee

    It's like Sherlock Holmes meets the 60's tv show "The Avengers" with a dash of James Bond for flavor.
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  4. - Top - End - #4
    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    Hey, nice! I like the style - very fairy tale-ish and soft. The character sketches look promising, too.

    You need a proof reader, though. The passed/past has been mentioned, but there's something... off about "In the tales people say", too. I think it should've been "In the tales people tell" instead.

    Other than that, nice idea! The world needs more fairy tales
    I'll keep an eye out for this one.
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  5. - Top - End - #5
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    Quote Originally Posted by Glass Mouse View Post
    Hey, nice! I like the style - very fairy tale-ish and soft. The character sketches look promising, too.

    You need a proof reader, though. The passed/past has been mentioned, but there's something... off about "In the tales people say", too. I think it should've been "In the tales people tell" instead.

    Other than that, nice idea! The world needs more fairy tales
    I'll keep an eye out for this one.
    Glad you like it. :)

    Yeah, we're fixing the passed/past thing.

    As for the "something off". It's not. Without giving too much away. If you read the plot synopsis in my initial post, you know that one of the two kingdoms in the story is called "The Far, Far Away". And since you read the comic page itself you know the comic rhymes. This is the intro to "The Far, Far Away" and "in the tales people say" rhymes with "The far, Far Away". :)

    Hope I didn't spoil the next age for anyone. :)

    Dee

    BTW--The artwork is by Tiffany Ross, creator of "Alien Dice", "Darius", "Black Rose", among others.

    It's like Sherlock Holmes meets the 60's tv show "The Avengers" with a dash of James Bond for flavor.
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  6. - Top - End - #6
    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    Oh. I didn't catch the rhyming. Cool, I'll just wait for the next page before I can comment on the writing. How often do you update?

    Also, I don't think that "that land I mentioned in the synopsis is gonna be mentioned in-comic in the next page" is really considered a spoiler....
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    Hmmm, reminds me I still need to finish Alien Dice...

    Nevertheless, I shall have a look at this.

  8. - Top - End - #8
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    Quote Originally Posted by Glass Mouse View Post
    Oh. I didn't catch the rhyming. Cool, I'll just wait for the next page before I can comment on the writing. How often do you update?

    Also, I don't think that "that land I mentioned in the synopsis is gonna be mentioned in-comic in the next page" is really considered a spoiler....
    It'll be slow going (once a week) for the first month. which will be tough for any new comic, but paticularly one that, as mentioned, will rhyme. But Tiffany has like 40 comics she does (I'm kidding. But it's a lot) including Alien Dice, Darius, Cyantian, Black Rose, Abbby's Agency, etc, and we're really just getting started with Chevalier. But after the first month we should be updating twice a week.

    The goal with Chevalier (Chev) is for it to be a children's book. So it has a definite beginning, middle, and end. So I guess you could call it a web graphic novel as opposed to a webcomic. :)

    Dee
    Last edited by TheDeeMan; 2010-10-06 at 07:35 PM.

    It's like Sherlock Holmes meets the 60's tv show "The Avengers" with a dash of James Bond for flavor.
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  9. - Top - End - #9
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    Quote Originally Posted by Sirroelivan View Post
    Hmmm, reminds me I still need to finish Alien Dice...

    Nevertheless, I shall have a look at this.
    Please do. On both counts. LOL.

    Dee

    It's like Sherlock Holmes meets the 60's tv show "The Avengers" with a dash of James Bond for flavor.
    http://www.theduckwebcomics.com/The_Continentals

  10. - Top - End - #10
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    There have been several updates since my last post. I hope you guys will come and check us out.

    Dee


    "CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer" by writer/creator Darryl Hughes and artist Tiffany Ross. It's a fabled fairy tale of enor-mouse proportions.
    http://www.shivae.net/chevalier

    It's like Sherlock Holmes meets the 60's tv show "The Avengers" with a dash of James Bond for flavor.
    http://www.theduckwebcomics.com/The_Continentals

  11. - Top - End - #11
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    There have been a WHOLE BUNCH of updates since my last post here. I hope you guys will come and check them out.

    Dee


    "CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer" by writer/creator Darryl Hughes and artist Tiffany Ross. It's a fabled fairy tale of enor-mouse proportions.
    http://www.shivae.net/chevalier

    It's like Sherlock Holmes meets the 60's tv show "The Avengers" with a dash of James Bond for flavor.
    http://www.theduckwebcomics.com/The_Continentals

  12. - Top - End - #12
    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    Hey Dee. I thought I'd better ask... Do you want feedback, or are you just plugging?
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  13. - Top - End - #13
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    Quote Originally Posted by Glass Mouse View Post
    Hey Dee. I thought I'd better ask... Do you want feedback, or are you just plugging?
    Oh, absolutely. I'd love to get some feedback from you. As long as it's constructive. :)

    Bare in mind that Chevalier is going to be a children's book meant for kids 6 years old and up. Tiffany and I are showing it online while we're finishing it.

    Dee

    It's like Sherlock Holmes meets the 60's tv show "The Avengers" with a dash of James Bond for flavor.
    http://www.theduckwebcomics.com/The_Continentals

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    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    All right, here I go. Bear in mind, children's books aren't my kind of genre, so take everything with a grain of salt

    What works:
    - the artwork is soft and very fitting for the genre. I especially like the very vibrant colouring and the shading of it all.
    - There are some downright beautiful pages, fx this or this.
    - The setting has been nicely introduced, both art-wise and writing-wise. Everything is pretty and perfect (except there's apparantly a small bit of speciesm? Intentional?), and I'm now just waiting for the evil wizard/king's uncle/dragon to swoop in and steal away the peace!
    - Chevalier is a very classic character archetype, and you've done a nice job of showing his motivations and how he might become a hero (and thank you for not having Mr. Everymouse pick up a rapier and three days later become überhero).

    What might need improvement:
    - Okay, admitted, my vision is apparantly very suboptimal, but I couldn't find the navigation buttons at first. They might benefit from being bigger and/or moved closer to the actual comic.
    - Lots of respect for telling a story through rhymes, it's definitely a tough feat. I especially like this page's imagery. However.... I feel that the rythm is often broken by spreading one rhyme out over two (or more) pages. Poems (and poem-like writing) have a certain flow, and you need to be very, very mindful of how that flow translates into a new medium. Especially since, if I can't feel the poem, the writing just feels clunky and weird.
    - Kudos to the artist for playing with facial shapes and different appearances (it's both very important and very rarely seen), but she seems to have some trouble with human proportions (take a look at this page for example - in the two first panels, there's too much forehead, too much chin and too little hands). They seem like beginner's mistakes, but they do make everything seem a little off, and they're in stark contrast to the mice people (that the artist draws very, very well). Nothing except practise will help here, though.
    - The story may be a liiiittle too classic. Until now, it all seems like something I've read before. It's not critique per se, as you only now seem to come to the actual story, but I hope you'll tell something new. Bump this thread in a month or so, and I'll come judge

    Overall, I think you're on to something with this, but it needs a little polishing (mostly with the using-poem-style-in-a-comic part) before it really shines.

    ... Yeah. I think that's all I've got. I hope it's at least somewhat useful.

    Good luck with it!
    Last edited by Glass Mouse; 2011-03-27 at 07:44 PM.
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  15. - Top - End - #15
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    Not bad.

    Just to inform you about the rhyme. There are several pages in the beginning (I think you mentioned them) where the shyme was broken up because Tiffany (the artist) felt she needed to add an extra page in order to not clutter the pages. So I think two extra pages worth of panels got added that weren't scripted that broke up the rhyme unintentionally.

    But you also have to consider that this is meant to be a children's "book" when finished. And flipping pages is always better then waiting for them to load (said the guy with the webcomic :) ), so I don't think kids reading this when it's all done and flipping from page to page will have the problems that webcomic reads might.

    Other then the pages at the beginning that were unintentionally broken up, I have to disaree. I think that the rhyme flows rather nicely from one page to the next. Each new pages rhyme picks up where the last pages rhyme ended. What more could you ask for in a comic as opposed to a poem that's just written out beginning to end?

    But a good review all around. :) And I will check back to see what you hink as the story progresses. Thanks for taking the time.

    Dee

    It's like Sherlock Holmes meets the 60's tv show "The Avengers" with a dash of James Bond for flavor.
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  16. - Top - End - #16
    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    Huhm, you're right, it does change over time (I mostly went with my general impression, didn't really look out for changes in such a short archive).

    You do it again here, though (not really bad, I mean this is obviously just stretching out a reveal, I just need to reaffirm myself that I'm not completely off ).

    Something else I just stumbled across, combing the comic for rhymes... Where's the rhyme in this? I feel like I've missed something.
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    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    I don't know what you mean by the first one. The whole page rhymes.

    As to the second? The rhyme is here: "In the east there stood a kingdom, of opulence, and splendor, and GRANDEUR. Beyond cinder walls, stood the high marbled towers, of the royal kingdom of the land EVER AFTER".

    See it now?

    Dee
    Last edited by TheDeeMan; 2011-03-28 at 12:31 AM.

    It's like Sherlock Holmes meets the 60's tv show "The Avengers" with a dash of James Bond for flavor.
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    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    For the first one: The "and all" rhyme continues on the next page in the form of "Grand Galla Ball". Again, not really a big deal in itself.

    Oh. All right. I wouldn't say those two words rhyme, but maybe I'm just too influenced by my vast (not really) french training
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    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    Well, both "Grandeur" and "Ever After" end with an "err" sound, so they rhyme.

    Dee

    It's like Sherlock Holmes meets the 60's tv show "The Avengers" with a dash of James Bond for flavor.
    http://www.theduckwebcomics.com/The_Continentals

  20. - Top - End - #20
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    NEWS! Chevalier to be published in september as a three book fairy tale fantasy adventure children's book series by First Run Publishing.

    More updates to come.

    Dee

    It's like Sherlock Holmes meets the 60's tv show "The Avengers" with a dash of James Bond for flavor.
    http://www.theduckwebcomics.com/The_Continentals

  21. - Top - End - #21
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    Quote Originally Posted by TheDeeMan View Post
    Well, both "Grandeur" and "Ever After" end with an "err" sound, so they rhyme.

    Dee
    Congratulations on the book deal!


    As for the discussion on rhyme and pronunciation, I'll never add to that, since I'm not a native speaker, but I reckon that's what they invented m-w.com for.

  22. - Top - End - #22
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    Thanks. :)

    Dee

    It's like Sherlock Holmes meets the 60's tv show "The Avengers" with a dash of James Bond for flavor.
    http://www.theduckwebcomics.com/The_Continentals

  23. - Top - End - #23
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    NEWS! It's been a crazy year. Started a great fantasy webcomic, got a publisher for a great fantasy webcomic, lost a publisher for my great fantasy webcomic, and then lost my creative partner on my great fantasy webcomic.

    Now Chevalier: The Queen's Mouseketeer is getting the reboot/relaunch treatment, coming back with a new artist (the great Monique MacNaughton) and a new attitude. The new comic will debut in late summer/early fall. You can check out the new "cast photo" at the new website here:

    Chevalier
    http://www.webcomicsnation.com/moniquem/chev/series.php

    Hope you stop by and check us out when we return. :)

    Dee

    It's like Sherlock Holmes meets the 60's tv show "The Avengers" with a dash of James Bond for flavor.
    http://www.theduckwebcomics.com/The_Continentals

  24. - Top - End - #24
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    Just a little extra bit of Chevalier news. The new comic will debut in mid september. Monique and I hope you join us for the fun.

    Dee

    It's like Sherlock Holmes meets the 60's tv show "The Avengers" with a dash of James Bond for flavor.
    http://www.theduckwebcomics.com/The_Continentals

  25. - Top - End - #25
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    NEWS! Chevalier has relaunched. I hope you'll all come by and check out the new comic. :)

    Dee


    Chevalier
    http://www.webcomicsnation.com/moniquem/chev/series.php
    Last edited by TheDeeMan; 2012-11-22 at 03:10 PM.

    It's like Sherlock Holmes meets the 60's tv show "The Avengers" with a dash of James Bond for flavor.
    http://www.theduckwebcomics.com/The_Continentals

  26. - Top - End - #26
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    There have been several updates since my last post. I hope you'll all stop by and check us out.

    And for the folks who used to read Chevalier in it's first incarnation let us know what you think of Chevalier 2.0

    Dee - Chev writer dude


    Chevalier: The Queen's Mouseketeer
    http://www.webcomicsnation.com/moniquem/chev/series.php
    Last edited by TheDeeMan; 2012-11-22 at 03:11 PM.

    It's like Sherlock Holmes meets the 60's tv show "The Avengers" with a dash of James Bond for flavor.
    http://www.theduckwebcomics.com/The_Continentals

  27. - Top - End - #27
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

    New page of Chevalier up now. And there's nothing like a hero suiting up for the very first time. XD

    Dee


    CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer. It's a fabled fairy tale of enor-mouse proportions.
    http://www.webcomicsnation.com/moniquem/chev/series.php

    It's like Sherlock Holmes meets the 60's tv show "The Avengers" with a dash of James Bond for flavor.
    http://www.theduckwebcomics.com/The_Continentals

  28. - Top - End - #28
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    NEW! Chevalier has a new Facebook page:

    Chevalier
    https://www.facebook.com/AnEnormouseTale

    And you can find the comic here:

    CHEVALIER: THE QUEEN'S MOUSEKETEER by Darryl Hughes and Monique MacNaughton. It's a fabled fairy tale of enor-mouse proportions.
    http://www.webcomicsnation.com/moniquem/chev/series.php

    Dee

    It's like Sherlock Holmes meets the 60's tv show "The Avengers" with a dash of James Bond for flavor.
    http://www.theduckwebcomics.com/The_Continentals

  29. - Top - End - #29
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    Chevalier was just nominated for 8 RACC (Rec.Arts.Comics.Creative) Awards including one for me as "Besrt Writer". Cool.

    Dee



    CHEVALIER: THE QUEEN'S MOUSEKETEER by Darryl Hughes and Monique MacNaughton. It's a fabled fairy tale of enor-mouse proportions.
    http://www.webcomicsnation.com/moniquem/chev/series.php

    It's like Sherlock Holmes meets the 60's tv show "The Avengers" with a dash of James Bond for flavor.
    http://www.theduckwebcomics.com/The_Continentals

  30. - Top - End - #30
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer

    The furry fantasy adventure "Chevalier: The Queen's Mouseketeer" now has a brand new home site just in time for it's newest update which finds our hero hot on the trail of the princess and her kidnappers. Monique and I hope you'll all stop by and check out our new digs and newest page. :)

    Dee

    Chevalier
    http://www.theduckwebcomics.com/Chevalier

    It's like Sherlock Holmes meets the 60's tv show "The Avengers" with a dash of James Bond for flavor.
    http://www.theduckwebcomics.com/The_Continentals

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