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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    ClericGuy

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    Default What DM says and what players hear

    After the incredibly successful and funny thread about what a DM says and what DM means, here is what a DM says and what the players hear!

    DM says: Are you sure?
    Player hears: That idea is so incredible, I need to hear it one more time to commit it to memory so I don't forget.

    DM says: This is going to be a horror/suspense game
    Player hears: I need to either roll up a cleric, paladin, or a dread necro.

    DM says: You can use any book you want.
    Player hears: JACKPOT!

    DM says: I need a detailed backstory
    Player hears: I will need to explain why I am an orphan who was trained by my master but he died of old age years ago and why I have no ties to anyone special whatsoever.

    DM says: A dragon lets out a mighty roar!
    Player hears: Triple Standard treasure!

    DM says: You see nothing after 20 minutes of search
    Player hears: Oh god, there MUST be something in here that is worth all this searching. Take out the adamantine picks! We are taking the walls down!

    DM says: The door is locked
    Player hears: Something amazing is behind that door.

    DM says: A man who seems to radiate power and authority comes up to you and offers to join your interesting adventure.
    Player hears: DMPC is going to take up all the spot light. Best get a sandwich and a good book.
    Last edited by jguy; 2010-10-05 at 10:31 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by shadow_archmagi View Post

    DM says: WHY!? WHY!? WHY?!
    DM means: NO! NO! NO!!!
    Player hears: GOOD JOB PLAYER! DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN!
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  2. - Top - End - #2
    Troll in the Playground
     
    WarKitty's Avatar

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM says: You've heard legends of monsters like this taking out entire kingdoms. A group of newbie adventurers like yourselves surely stands no chance.
    Players hear: XP!!!!!!!!!!

    DM says: You find nothing.
    Players hear: Keep searching.

    DM says: You find nothing (before the players roll)
    Players hear: It's not trapped.

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    DwarfFighterGuy

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM says: You're hopelessly outnumbered by the troops hunting you. You should probably try to escape.
    Players hear: They're trying to capture us alive, so let's fight!

    DM says: You can't do that without a lot of study.
    Players hear: You can do that.

    DM says: You don't know what it is.
    Players hear: Play with it and find out what it is.

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM says: Do you want to make a search check?
    Players Hear: Do you not want to make a spot check?

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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Dralnu's Avatar

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM: (paragraph description of the town that the party has just entered)
    Players hear: There's an inn.

    DM: You can use any source that you'd like, but I'm new to this so please no cheesey stuff.
    Players hear: Be as overpowered as you'd like, I'm probably not going to catch half the broken stuff.
    Last edited by Dralnu; 2010-10-06 at 12:40 AM.

  6. - Top - End - #6
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Telok's Avatar

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM says: "He dosen't hit that hard."
    Players hear: "Remember that kobold ranger with the magic crit-pick and Favored Enemy = PCs?"

    DM says: "Two 800 tonne Imperial Cruisers with 20 Gigawatt beam lasers order you to stand by for boarding."
    Players hear: "Your Phat lewt! 400 tonne transport armed with a Phat lewt! mining laser and Phat lewt! seven combat droids can Phat lewt! take them. Phat lewt!"
    Niven's Laws, #5
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  7. - Top - End - #7
    Orc in the Playground
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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM: "...she..."
    Players: "woohoo sex!"

    DM: "...looks intimadating armed with gleaming weaponry and polished armor"
    Players: "begin rolling to hit as this mug has PHAT l00ts"

    DM: "you enter the dust cover room, it appears that no one has been here in an age..."
    Players: "ITS A TRAP!"

    DM: "ITS A TRAP!"
    Players: " WOO!! CHUNKS OF XP!"
    Last edited by DranWork; 2010-10-06 at 01:30 AM.

  8. - Top - End - #8
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    Serpentine's Avatar

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM says: "Oh. It didn't occur to me that you might go that way. Um..." *pauses to think about ways to adapt and make do*
    Players hear: "Get back on them rails you big meanies!"

    But that might just be me and my group

  9. - Top - End - #9
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Morph Bark's Avatar

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Quote Originally Posted by Telok View Post
    DM says: "He dosen't hit that hard."
    Players hear: "Remember that kobold ranger with the magic crit-pick and Favored Enemy = PCs?"

    DM says: "Two 800 tonne Imperial Cruisers with 20 Gigawatt beam lasers order you to stand by for boarding."
    Players hear: "Your Phat lewt! 400 tonne transport armed with a Phat lewt! mining laser and Phat lewt! seven combat droids can Phat lewt! take them. Phat lewt!"
    But whatever are they going to do with oversized lutes?
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    Ettin in the Playground
     
    AslanCross's Avatar

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM says: Sorry, you can't exploit that loophole in my campaign.
    Player hears: Find another way to break my campaign.

    DM says: The monster is immune to your attack.
    Player hears: Keep trying energy types!


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  11. - Top - End - #11
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    senrath's Avatar

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Quote Originally Posted by Serpentine View Post
    DM says: "Oh. It didn't occur to me that you might go that way. Um..." *pauses to think about ways to adapt and make do*
    Players hear: "Get back on them rails you big meanies!"

    But that might just be me and my group
    For my group it's more like:

    Players hear: "Go get something to eat, this'll take a while."
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  12. - Top - End - #12
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    Serpentine's Avatar

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Quote Originally Posted by senrath View Post
    For my group it's more like:

    Players hear: "Go get something to eat, this'll take a while."
    See, I'd be fine with that. I try to tell everyone, "I'm not very good at improvisation and there's only so much preparation I can get done, but that's my problem, not yours. You go and do whatever you like, but be aware that I might have to take a bit of time to reorganise.", but the minute I falter they're always "okay, never mind, I'll keep going down this road..." and then I feel bad for railroading

  13. - Top - End - #13
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Mikeavelli's Avatar

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM: *Anything, anything at all.*

    Players: "Obviously, the solution is murder!"
    If RPG's have taught me anything, it's that all social and economic problems of the world can be solved through murder.

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  14. - Top - End - #14
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM: ...and mounted on a plinth you see....
    Players: It's about to attack, whatever it is, it's about to attack.

  15. - Top - End - #15
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    OldWizardGuy

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM: Alright, guys, let's try to tone down the jokes and get back to business.
    Players: I'm going emo because none of you appreciate my humor.

  16. - Top - End - #16
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Planetar

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM says: You enter a magic shop.
    Players hear: You enter a treasure trove of useful stuff if you can just figure out how to kill the storekeeper and defeat whatever security or traps he has protecting the place.

    DM says: We've got someone new joining us this week.
    Players hear: My girlfriend is joining us this week.

  17. - Top - End - #17
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    OrcBarbarianGuy

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Quote Originally Posted by korifugi View Post
    DM: ...and mounted on a plinth you see....
    Players: It's about to attack, whatever it is, it's about to attack.
    Attack? A PLINTH?? Are you INSANE! They're more crazier broken than the dreaded Dire Gazebo!!

  18. - Top - End - #18
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Planetar

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Best make a proactive strike and cast Magic Missile. Works for The Darkness.

  19. - Top - End - #19
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    OrcBarbarianGuy

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Quote Originally Posted by Saintheart View Post
    Best make a proactive strike and cast Magic Missile. Works for The Darkness.
    Saintheart: What happened?

    Me: There is now a Plinth with a small splotch of magic residue on it.

    Saintheart: Wasn't it wounded?

    Me: OF COURSE NOT SAINTHEART, IT'S A PLINTH!


    On a side note, a Plinth is immune to Fire and Axes, a Gazebo is not.

  20. - Top - End - #20
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Greenish's Avatar

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Quote Originally Posted by grarrrg View Post
    Attack? A PLINTH?? Are you INSANE! They're more crazier broken than the dreaded Dire Gazebo!!
    plinth |plinθ|
    noun
    a heavy base supporting a statue or vase.


    84% all statues in an average D&D campaign animate to attack players as they get closer. The rest are just the DM messing with your heads.
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  21. - Top - End - #21
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Notreallyhere77's Avatar

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Quote Originally Posted by Saintheart View Post
    DM says: You enter a magic shop.
    Players hear: You enter a treasure trove of useful stuff if you can just figure out how to kill the storekeeper and defeat whatever security or traps he has protecting the place.
    True enough for my players. Hey, do you mind if I sig that?
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  22. - Top - End - #22
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    ClericGuy

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Quote Originally Posted by Mikeavelli View Post
    DM: *Anything, anything at all.*

    Players: "Obviously, the solution is murder!"
    More like,
    Players: Obviously we need to set it on fire and/or haven't used enough!


    Quote Originally Posted by grarrrg View Post
    Attack? A PLINTH?? Are you INSANE! They're more crazier broken than the dreaded Dire Gazebo!!
    I added a holy Gazebo that, when approached, would either zap evil guys to death (left a ring of corpses around it) or quiz you. One of my players asked what a gazebo was, made both my and several of the player's nights.
    Last edited by Codenpeg; 2010-10-06 at 10:29 AM.

  23. - Top - End - #23
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    PaladinGuy

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM: It's impossible.
    Players: It's hard. Do we feel lucky?

    DM: It's hard, dangerous and probably not that smart.
    Players: It's possible. Let's totally try it.

    DM: It's possible.
    Players: It's going to be easy. No need for precautions, let's just kick the door.

    DM: It's easy.
    Players: OH SHI- RUN!!!!!
    Last edited by Jan Mattys; 2010-10-06 at 10:30 AM.

  24. - Top - End - #24
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    big teej's Avatar

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Oooh I got one

    DM says: imagine for me if you will, a Left For Dead "tank" zombie
    DM means: Imagine for me, if you will, the incredible hulk, but deadish
    Player hears: imagine for me, a zombie ogre.


    *there is a large, large, LARGE, discrepency between the two for those who have not played left for dead
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  25. - Top - End - #25
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Griffon

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    From one of my favorite campaigns (and DMs):

    DM says: (with a smile) The door does not appear to be trapped.
    Players hear: It's a trap so powerful, we couldn't find it??!? DUCK!

    DM says: Roll a Will save.
    Players hear: Oh god, we're going to have to put the Fighter down again, aren't we?

  26. - Top - End - #26
    Library Lovers Contest Winner
     
    Duke of URL's Avatar

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM: The beggar introduces himself, "My name is David..."
    Players: It has a name, therefore it is a plot NPC, and not XP. Yet.


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  27. - Top - End - #27
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM: You don't find anything.
    Players: That means I need to keep searching the same exact spot several times more!

  28. - Top - End - #28
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Ernir's Avatar

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM: He appears to be unarmed.
    Players hear: This guy can kill you all on the spot, and doesn't need weapons to do it.
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  29. - Top - End - #29
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Ravens_cry's Avatar

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    What DM says: But . . .
    What DM Means: You are about to perish in the most horrifying manner imaginable.

    What Dm says: Make a Fort save,
    What DM means: Death, death to the squishies!
    What Players Hear: Tell the Fighter to get out the broom again.
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  30. - Top - End - #30
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Maryring's Avatar

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Quote Originally Posted by Codenpeg View Post
    More like,
    Players: Obviously we need to set it on fire and/or haven't used enough!




    I added a holy Gazebo that, when approached, would either zap evil guys to death (left a ring of corpses around it) or quiz you. One of my players asked what a gazebo was, made both my and several of the player's nights.
    At least he admitted to not knowing what a Gazebo is, thus avoiding the fate of being eaten by the dread gazebo!!!

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