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  1. - Top - End - #31
    Orc in the Playground
     
    RogueGuy

    Join Date
    Nov 2009

    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    oh boy, u r making me LOL to loud in my office XD

    DM say: (describing a lair) it's seems to be empty.
    Players hear: don't worry lads there is no one in home

    DM say: (decribing the same lair) It's empty
    Players hear: oh boy, send the rogue first.

    DM say: u find some obviuos tracks of a fight
    Players hear: railroad again ¬¬

    DM say: u find some obviuos tracks of a fight.
    Player hear: make search rolls, it must be some loot around here.

    DM say: u enter in town.
    Players hear: SHOP TIME.

  2. - Top - End - #32
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Devil

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    Jul 2010
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    Davis, CA
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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM says: is that REALLY what you want to do?
    Players hear: crap, we messed up bad

    DM says: nothing (but smiles)
    Players hear: oh crap, we really messed up bad

  3. - Top - End - #33
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

    Join Date
    Jan 2009

    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    One we've seen often, after the DM rolls damage [WoD game.

    DM says: Wow... or ...that's bad.
    Players hear: I better roll Stamina soak really well.

    DM says: ...how much HP do you have left?
    Players hear: I'm going to die.

  4. - Top - End - #34
    Troll in the Playground
     
    BarbarianGuy

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    Jun 2010
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    Out in The Sticks
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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Quote Originally Posted by JeenLeen View Post
    DM says: ...how much HP do you have left?
    Players hear: I'm going to die.
    haha.... we had this one happen last session
    Spoiler
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    DM: -rolls to hit behind screen-
    DM: uh oh.....
    -looks at ranger-
    how many hit points do you have?
    player: 9?
    DM: right... well, -turns to the rest of the party- "you see the orc bring its great axe down into the ranger's chest, throwing him to the ground, he doesn't get up." -back to the ranger- I'll be keeping track of your hitpoints now, roll well next turn

  5. - Top - End - #35
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Griffon

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    Oct 2010
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    Orlando, FL
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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Quote Originally Posted by Ruinix View Post
    DM say: u enter in town.
    Players hear: SHOP TIME.
    Haha, YES! My DM has the habit of being generous with gold and loot, but then keeping us from any city large enough to sell the loot and spend the gold! When we finally hit a decent-sized trade city, all RP stopped dead and we turned into teenagers at the mall with Dad's credit cards.

    Relatedly...

    DM says: sorry, that item is not available to buy in this city
    Players hear: this is the single most useful item for your next several encounters

  6. - Top - End - #36
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DwarfFighterGuy

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    Dec 2008
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    My apartment
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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM Says: *description of the most epically powerful monster/NPC ever seen*
    Players hear: "DM would never put us up against something we couldn't beat so it MUST be an illusion!"
    Been there, fought that, died horribly.

    Something fun and flavorful to get your DM throwing books at you: Katana Chucker



  7. - Top - End - #37
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    FuryOfMetal's Avatar

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Quote Originally Posted by Mikeavelli View Post
    DM: *Anything, anything at all.*

    Players: "Obviously, the solution is murder!"
    Can i sig this
    Awesome avatar created by Darwin.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mikeavelli View Post
    DM says: *Anything, anything at all.*

    Players think: "Obviously, the solution is murder!"
    Player Registry

  8. - Top - End - #38
    Orc in the Playground
     
    RogueGuy

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    Nov 2009

    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Quote Originally Posted by Choco View Post
    DM Says: *description of the most epically powerful monster/NPC ever seen*
    Players hear: "DM would never put us up against something we couldn't beat so it MUST be an illusion!"
    alternately

    DM Says: *description of the most epically powerful monster/NPC ever seen*
    Players hear: "behold the mighty all might over fluffed old PC of mine"

  9. - Top - End - #39
    Banned
     
    Morithias's Avatar

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    Jan 2010
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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM: "In the (insert place) there is a female doing (insert perform skill here).
    Player: Succubus or some variant thereof.

  10. - Top - End - #40
    Titan in the Playground
     
    TheFallenOne's Avatar

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    Dec 2005
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    Heidelberg, Germany
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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM says: You enter the room and see a...
    Players hear: whatever, roll initiative, kill the sucker and get loot and XP

    DM says: On another table, you see a curious fellow. Player1, describe your character.
    Other Players hear: Introduce yourself and take this guy along to your adventures no matter how little sense it may make

    DM says: Alright, let's make a short introduction how you meet.
    Players hear: You're all in a tavern. Feel free to burn it down, you know I'm always delighted by that
    Quote Originally Posted by Jeff the Green View Post
    Actually, when you first put up the post where the gazebo started trying to eat us, I assumed you were pulling our legs and you'd put up the real post soon enough.


  11. - Top - End - #41
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Swordgleam's Avatar

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    Dec 2009
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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM says: Pass the popcorn.
    Players hear: Bribe me with food and I probably won't TPK you within the next few minutes.

    DM says: It appears to be magical.
    Half the players hear: It's cursed and will probably kill you instantly if you look at it wrong.
    The other half hear: It's a very powerful artifact that your character should probably hang onto forever.
    Some things I do that you might enjoy:
    Chaotic Shiny - Random generators of all types for gaming and writing (including characters, names, taverns, cities, pantheons, languages, and 60+ more)
    Chaotic Shiny Productions - Flavor-packed D&D supplements (mostly 4e), plus some systemless free products and software
    Latest: Kingdom Builder Generator Pack II

  12. - Top - End - #42
    Orc in the Playground
     
    mikej's Avatar

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    Nov 2008
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    Niagara Falls, Ont
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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM: Insert Story/Plot

    Players: Blah blahh blaahh were is the money?
    Last edited by mikej; 2010-10-07 at 12:55 AM.
    mikej

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    Quote Originally Posted by Smiling Knight View Post
    Just to save time:

    Giacomo: Monks are as strong as wizards with UMD and partially charged wands.

    [Respected forum members]: No they are not.

    Giacomo: Yes they are. You all just abuse the rules.

    [Rfm]: No u

    G: No u

    Repeat until someone challenges G to duel, which then never happens.

  13. - Top - End - #43
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Planetar

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    Perth, West Australia
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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Quote Originally Posted by Notreallyhere77 View Post
    True enough for my players. Hey, do you mind if I sig that?
    Sure, go ahead.

  14. - Top - End - #44
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Notreallyhere77's Avatar

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Sweeeet!
    Thanks.
    Blog for my latest (and hopefully last) campaign world: Thargothras!

    Some less overused ways for your PCs to meet

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    Quote Originally Posted by Serpentine View Post
    Damn, you're good.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    Nice McNinja reference; you have earned 1 internet!
    Quote Originally Posted by The-Mage-King View Post
    You get an internet. Or three.
    Quote Originally Posted by Candle Jack View Post
    That's some damn fine work, notreallyhere.

  15. - Top - End - #45
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Morph Bark's Avatar

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    Oct 2008
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    Freljord

    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Quote Originally Posted by TheFallenOne View Post
    DM says: You enter the room and see a...
    Players hear: whatever, roll initiative, kill the sucker and get loot and XP
    To this I'd reply "sure, go ahead", and suddenly the NPC in the room would turn out to be a Balor.
    Homebrewer's Signature | Avatar by Strawberries

  16. - Top - End - #46
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Kallisti's Avatar

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    Jun 2009

    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM says: It's immune to fire.
    DM means: Really. It's immune to fire.
    Players hear: Apply fire.

    DM says: Roll spot.
    Players hear: Start rolling up your replacement characters.

    DM says: I...I really don't think that's within the rules.
    Players see: A moment of weakness.
    Players hear: I just need more convincing. I'll allow it eventually.
    "Once upon a time, a story was never finished..."

  17. - Top - End - #47
    Titan in the Playground
     
    TheFallenOne's Avatar

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    Heidelberg, Germany
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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM says: How many HP do you have left?
    DM means: This would kill you and I need to fudge the rolls so you keep barely alive.
    Players hear: Just indulge me cause they're gone anyway.

    DM says: <describes charming rogue character>
    Players hear: It's Han Solo with a rapier.

    DM says: The orc blocks your overhead swing with the flat of his axe, then momentarily brings you out of balance by pushing into you, giving him an opening to bypass your cover and score a stinging hit on your left shoulder. You take 7 damage.
    Players hear: You take 7 damage.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jeff the Green View Post
    Actually, when you first put up the post where the gazebo started trying to eat us, I assumed you were pulling our legs and you'd put up the real post soon enough.


  18. - Top - End - #48
    Orc in the Playground
     
    RogueGuy

    Join Date
    Nov 2009

    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Quote Originally Posted by TheFallenOne View Post
    DM says: The orc blocks your overhead swing with the flat of his axe, then momentarily brings you out of balance by pushing into you, giving him an opening to bypass your cover and score a stinging hit on your left shoulder. You take 7 damage.
    Players hear: You take 7 damage.
    hahahhaha this one make my day haahaahaa

    DM say: ok, where are and what is exactly are doin each one.
    Player hear: oook the crap hit the fan.

  19. - Top - End - #49
    Library Lovers Contest Winner
     
    Duke of URL's Avatar

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    Maryland, USA
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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM says: Anyone got any d6s I can borrow?
    Players hear: BWUHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!
    Players think: What's my Reflex save, again?

    DM says: Okay, you're in a tavern...
    Players hear: I'm unoriginal and boring.
    Players think: Booze, wenches, a quest giver or two... and I hope the owner has fire insurance.

    DM says: The meeting is set to happen in the town square...
    Players hear: I'm obviously subverting tropes because you all b**ch about me using taverns all of the time.
    Players think: What's wrong with the tavern?


    My Homebrew
    Gronk by dallas-dakota

  20. - Top - End - #50
    Firbolg in the Playground
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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM says: *unique introduction*
    Players hear: You're not in a tavern.
    Last edited by OMG PONIES; 2010-10-07 at 02:47 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Vaz View Post
    Ponies, the Kim Karsdashian of GITP.
    This is what happens when they let me DM:
    Beyond the Horizon IC / OOC
    A Time to Die: Alpha IC / Bravo IC / OOC

  21. - Top - End - #51
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Tyndmyr's Avatar

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM Says: You find a book.
    Novice Players Hear: Boooring, lets find something to kill.
    Intermediate Players Hear: Oooh, is it a tome? MINE!
    Veteran Players: Well, he's got the Call of Cthulu book open again. I need fire.

  22. - Top - End - #52
    Titan in the Playground
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    Jul 2010
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    Kitchener/Waterloo
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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Quote Originally Posted by DranWork View Post
    DM: "...she..."
    Players: "woohoo sex!"
    Depressingly true. Story time!

    Spoiler
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    The players were fighting the BBEG of this part of the campaign, an elven barbarian. And she was slaughtering them. One of the players jumps down into a pit trap just to get away from her. As she leaps over the pit to busily hack at the rest of the party, he glances up from his pool of blood and asks, "is she wearing underwear?"
    Lord Raziere herd I like Blasphemy, so Urpriest Exalted as a Malefactor

    Meet My Monstrous Guide to Monsters. Everything you absolutely need to know about Monsters and never thought you needed to ask.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mithril Leaf View Post
    One of the unwritten rules of Giantitp is that Urpriest is always right.
    Trophy!
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    original Urpriest (by Andraste)

  23. - Top - End - #53
    Ettin in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2010

    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Quote Originally Posted by OMG PONIES View Post
    DM says: *unique introduction*
    Players hear: Where's the nearest tavern?
    Fixed that for you.

  24. - Top - End - #54
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Notreallyhere77's Avatar

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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Quote Originally Posted by Urpriest View Post
    Depressingly true. Story time!

    [story]
    It is depressing, but sometimes good for a laugh, especially when the NPCs hear the joke and take it seriously, like the time one of my players got a disugised marilith to make her armor invisible for a handful of gold coins (her greed far outweighed any modesty she had for her human disguise).

    But one of my players tries to hook up with everything. Often it spoils the mood, but if it sounds funny enough I let it happen.
    If he makes his Cha check, he can hit on anyone he wants, but his choices are sometimes disturbing enough to spoil the fun. His enthusiasm seems to be directly proportional to the depravity of the pairing.
    opposite sex/same sex, same species? "Great!"
    Different species? "woohoo"
    Underage? "fantastic!"
    Creepily kinky? "All riiight!!"
    Undesirable in some other way (ugly, way too old, has obvious VD)? "Mission accomplished!"
    Hideously deformed or dangerous location/timing? "Now we're talking!"
    Different creature type w/ discernable anatomy (i.e. giants, undead? "**** yeah!"
    Plant/ooze/construct (if he has the time, he will try)? "YES! I DID IT!"
    A combination of several of the above? "Achievement. ****ing. UNLOCKED!"

    This is true even when he plays warforged, intelligent plants, or supposedly celibate monks. And while yes means yes, no only seems to mean "convince me harder." It's painful, but at least he's getting into character.
    Last edited by Notreallyhere77; 2010-10-07 at 05:11 PM.
    Blog for my latest (and hopefully last) campaign world: Thargothras!

    Some less overused ways for your PCs to meet

    Best compliments yet received:
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    Quote Originally Posted by Serpentine View Post
    Damn, you're good.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    Nice McNinja reference; you have earned 1 internet!
    Quote Originally Posted by The-Mage-King View Post
    You get an internet. Or three.
    Quote Originally Posted by Candle Jack View Post
    That's some damn fine work, notreallyhere.

  25. - Top - End - #55
    Orc in the Playground
     
    OrcBarbarianGuy

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    Jul 2010

    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Quote Originally Posted by Urpriest View Post
    Spoiler
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    The players were fighting the BBEG of this part of the campaign, an elven barbarian. And she was slaughtering them. One of the players jumps down into a pit trap just to get away from her. As she leaps over the pit to busily hack at the rest of the party, he glances up from his pool of blood and asks, "is she wearing underwear?"
    Brilliance.

    Playing as a Barbarian, with a Cleric of Sadism, Psion and Warforged fighter.

    DM says: After the cleric sets off the trap made of noisy pots and pans, you hear 5 roars.
    Players hear: I just gave you all torches because you're about to fight a 5 headed hydra.
    I think: Man, am I ever glad I have Great Cleave.
    Psion thinks: I wish I had specialized in fire manifestations right now.
    Cleric thinks: This wand of cure light wounds with 50 charges is the best investment I have ever made.
    Warforged thinks: 1010100110010101010101010101010101010

    DM says: I'm sorry, you hear 6 roars.
    Players hear: I expect at least one of you not to survive this.
    I think: Man, am I ever glad I have Great Cleave.
    Psion thinks: Definitely should've specialized in fire manifestations.
    Cleric thinks: Should've rolled up a healbot.
    Warforged thinks: 1000101011101001100101010101101001010101010101010

    We were all level 4 and the Warforged might be busted beyond all repair, but we beat the thing, with Great Cleave carrying us to victory.

  26. - Top - End - #56
    Titan in the Playground
    Join Date
    Sep 2007

    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    DM describes: *anything that moves*
    Players hear: XP!

    DM describes: *anything that doesn't move*
    Players hear: Loot!

  27. - Top - End - #57
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Ravens_cry's Avatar

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    Sep 2008

    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    {{scrubbed}}
    Last edited by LibraryOgre; 2010-10-08 at 10:27 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Calanon View Post
    Raven_Cry's comments often have the effects of a +5 Tome of Understanding

  28. - Top - End - #58
    Troll in the Playground
     
    OrcBarbarianGuy

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    Ponyville
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    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Quote Originally Posted by Ravens_cry View Post
    @MarkusWolfe:
    HEY! This is a CLEAN message board! I do believe one of the rules is no swearing and no pornography, KEEP IT CLEAN!

  29. - Top - End - #59
    Firbolg in the Playground
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    England

    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    Quote Originally Posted by Ravens_cry View Post
    @MarkusWolfe:
    01001001010001100010000001010101010100100010000001 00011101001111010010010100111001000111001000000011 00100010000001001000010000010101011001000101001000 00010000100100100101001110010000010101001001011001 00101100001000000100110101000001010010110100010100 10000001001001010101000010000001001101010001010100 00010100111000100000010100110100111101001101010001 010101010001001000010010010100111001000111
    Heh, "IF UR GOING 2 HAVE BINARY, MAKE IT MEAN SOMETHING"

  30. - Top - End - #60
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Morph Bark's Avatar

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    Oct 2008
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    Freljord

    Default Re: What DM says and what players hear

    {{scrubbed}}
    Last edited by LibraryOgre; 2010-10-08 at 10:27 AM.
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