Useless but fun magic Items

[GoatBoy]

Belt of Mysterious Healing
No matter how terrible your wounds, you will heal up completely by merely sleeping for a few days!

Headband of Education
Your bodily health and combat prowess will increase over time, and all you have to do is stand behind really big people and chant magic words!

Vest of the Lucky Bastard
If you have a bit of experience picking locks and stabbing people in the back (ie. level 2 rogue) this item will give you, at the very least, a 5% chance of surviving the fiery breath of a dragon god, unscathed!

Collar of the Savage Feline
Place this collar upon a normal house cat, and it will gain the power to kill the vast majority of the human population!

Goggles of the Dunked Doctor
If a friend is near death and you don't have time to heal them, just put on these goggles and throw them into the water, and twelve seconds later they will recover!

Sack of Infinite Capacity
As long as anything you put into it weighs less than 1/10th of a pound, anything put into this sack will weigh nothing at all!

EDIT (almost forgot):
Amulet of the Tikbalang
Wear this amulet and no tikbalangs will attack you, ever!

[DisgruntledDM]

I once developed a magic item that looks just like the Deck of Many Things called The Deck of Useless, Irritating, and Stupid things.

Players could draw such things as: A rainbow mullet wig, A collection of emo poetry, a copy of Hillary Clinton's biography, Dolph Ziggler and an Air Guitar.

[Geohound13]

You guys really out did yourselves! Keep them coming!

[Gravitron5000]

Belt of Self-Disguise: This belt can be used 3 times per day to use Disguise Self as the spell. However, you may only disguise yourself as yourself and the spell gives no bonus to Disguise checks.

This is useful if you are bad at disguising yourself. Use the belt to poorly disguise yourself as youself, cause some shenanigans, dismiss the disguise, then pretend that someone is trying to frame you.

[Shadowleaf]

Hat of Butterflies: All butterflies within 30' immediatly takes off upon hearing your voice.

Hourglass of the Ages: An hourglass with the sand magically suspended in the middle.

Handkerchief of Obscurity: This monogrammed handkerchief has its letters changed to a seemingly random set of letters everytime it is used.

The Chair of Steadiness: This chair can be moved but cannot be tipped over by anything less than a DC 35 Strength check.

Book of Confusion: The letters in this book always appear to be upside down, even if viewed from different directions at the same time.

The Rope of Untying: This seemingly ordinary rope will immediatly untie whatever knot bound on it as soon as you let go of the knot.

The Staff of Balance: Whenever this staff rested on the ground, it will balance perfectly and stay upright. It can be shifted, but it will always end up perfectly upright.

Edit: Shamefully stolen.

[Qwertystop]

Rod of Neutrality, can cast each of the following a certain number of times per day:
Open/Close with the side effect of casting Open/Close again on the same target
Knock with the side effect of casting Arcane Lock on the target (and vice versa)
Sunlight with the side effect of casting Darkness centered on the same point (and vice versa)

The possibilities are endless! I suppose casting knock on an already unlocked door would have the effect of locking it, so there is some small use for this item.

Open/Close could be used to whack someone in the back with a door, but when they turn around it's still closed
Sunlight/Darkness can make strobe lights

[Ravens_cry]

Staff of Disintegration: Upon being activated, it disintegrates. Single use.

Ha ha! Got the drop on you with my disintegrating pistol staff! And brother, when it disintegrates, it disintegrates.
*beat*
Heh, well, whaddaya know... it disintegrated.

[Duke of URL]

Ha ha! Got the drop on you with my disintegrating pistol staff! And brother, when it disintegrates, it disintegrates.
*beat*
Heh, well, whaddaya know... it disintegrated.

Yes, that's exactly what I was referencing.

Although it should be pronounced "dithintegrated".

[Ravens_cry]

Yes, that's exactly what I was referencing.

Although it should be pronounced "dithintegrated".

Yeth, but that wouldth be hardth to readth, no? Nice to know you, me, and Security Chief Michael Garibaldi have the same taste in mid 20th century visual arts. This COULD have use for propping something up, like a collapsing roof trap, only to disintegrate at the worst time

[Duke of URL]

This COULD have use for propping something up, like a collapsing roof trap, only to disintegrate at the worst time

Depends on what the activation method is. If you have to actually hold and try to use it like a normal staff, probably not so useful.

[Ravens_cry]

Depends on what the activation method is. If you have to actually hold and try to use it like a normal staff, probably not so useful.

Still good for those big dramatic "I'm taking you with me!' boss fight endings.

[Hanuman]

Solar Torch
This magical torch is devoid of heat but will stay lit as long as it's in bright sunlight.

[Teln]

Anti-Magic Field Detector

This is a rock with a magically enhanced aura. When you enter an AMF, the aura goes out. To prevent you from losing it, it automatically teleports into your pocket if it goes more than 5 feet away from you. It also doubles as a warning system for Disjunctions.

[Zergrusheddie]

The Hat of Butterflies might be useful for a farmer if his field is being eaten by roving bands of butterflies, or for the bard that really wants to make his next performance special. The sad thing is that some munchkin will certainly think of a use for every item in this thread...

Bead of Usability
When activated, the Bead of Usability is used. One use.

Saddle of Stability
When this saddle is applied to a horse (a process which takes 5 rounds), the rider of that horse instantly succeeds all Ride checks. The horse is instantly killed.

Boots of the Commoner
When these boots are worn, the person instantly chooses a Flaw. They do not get an additional feat.

Sharpened Staff of Iron
This Staff is actually made out of iron and is quite sharp. Deals 1d8+strength damage per hit.

[GoatBoy]

Ring of Nonvisibility
You become invisible, as long as no one is looking at you.

Shirt of Pants
As long as you wear this item, you are immune to the naked status.

[Ravens_cry]

Sharpened Staff of Iron
This Staff is actually made out of iron and is quite sharp. Deals 1d8+strength damage per hit.

The ultimate weapon for a RAW-tard Charger.
You said strength damage, not strength MODIFIER damage.

[Qwertystop]

Sharpened Staff of Iron[/B]
This Staff is actually made out of iron and is quite sharp. Deals 1d8+strength damage per hit.

Don't forget, it does damage as it's magic effect, but also as a plain old attack that is made at the same time. Probably a bit closer to 2d8

[Dogmantra]

Hat of Disguise Self: Once per day on command this hat will cast Disguise Self. On itself.

[Hyudra]

Mantle of Awe

On entering a room with the mantle in one's possession, a flock of doves fly through the doorway from behind you, a fanfare plays and an angelic chorus can be heard singing a verse. The larger the room, the more impressive the effect (more doves, longer angelic chorus).

Created for a noble who wished to make a good impression at a party. Has the unfortunate effect of activating every time one enters a room. Every room. This fact was discovered by a scoundrel who robbed the original owner and tried (failing) to escape.

Lenses of the Wary Tyrant

These lenses make orphans glow with a subtle golden light, to the wearer.

A set of these was commissioned for use by an evil despot who had cottoned on to the fact that those same intrepid heroes that overthrow despots are, 95 times out of a hundred, orphans. Elite death squads were equipped with the lenses and ordered to cull the population in what turned out to be one of the most successful evil reigns in history.

When worn by an orphan, has the unfortunate effect of applying the golden light to oneself, rendering one effectively colorblind (you see everything in shades of gold) and halving one's ability to see in the dark.

The Stone of Jordan

This small ring, set with a plain piece of gray sandstone, weighing .01 pounds (weight is important here, and should be tracked). It has an aura of moderate conjuration. Every hour the user spends active, the stone duplicates itself, with the copy appearing somewhere on the owner's person. Each copied ring retains the duplication quality. As such, after two hours of activity, the user will have 4 Stones of Jordan. After ten hours, they will have 512 in their possession. After sixteen hours, they will have 32,768.

The duplication effect does not tend to apply to discarded rings, but works as a conjuration effect that tracks the most recent individual to use the effect. In short, if one picks up the ring and it activates while in their ownership, the duplication effect will only work for that individual, until they go 72 hours without triggering the effect, at which point the duplication effect fades on all but one of the rings and other rings crumble to sand. (The same will occur to any ring that one attempts to harvest for crude materials) This was implemented as a safeguard to keep the ring from carpeting the world.

Owners of the Stone of Jordan will find that, much like sand, the rings will get everywhere. The duplication effect is indiscriminate and places the rings around armor straps, in pockets, hanging from buttons, inside scroll cases, in the recesses of bedrolls, and so on. Failure to find that one last ring will result in one's backpacks and pockets overflowing with the damned things by the end of the day.

Created by a gnome wizard as a gift to his betrothed, likely with some kitschy sentiment like "My love for you redoubles every hour." Ended in tragedy when the fiance was found buried under tens of thousands of the things.

[olthar]

the magic ring of magic detection: This magical ring will glow very softly if it is within 10 feet of any magic items including itself (must be within 5 feet of the ring and make a dc 10 spot check to notice it).

The infinite book of magic reading: This book is indecipherable without the use of the read magic spell. The front and back cover of the book are covered in runes which, when deciphered, promise to teach the reader of every page of the book how to cast spells more efficiently. The first page of the book contains a modified version of the spell read magic, which can only be used to read the second page, which contains a modified version of read magic which can only be used to read the third page, etc. The book has an infinite number of pages.

The Leash: This leash can be attached to The Collar. When attached to The Collar it allows the holder to pull a small animal behind them by making a combative strength check. Otherwise, it is a 5-foot rope.

The Collar: This collar can be attached to The Leash. When attached to The Leash, and affixed around the neck of an animal, The Collar allows the holder to pull a small animal behind them by making a combative strength check. Otherwise, it can be put around the neck of an animal.

[cd4]

The Bottomless Mug:

This ordinary looking mug does nothing until the bottom touches any liquid. At which point the bottom disappears. For some reason most pubs ban anyone who asks for it to be filled up.

[AsteriskAmp]

I know it's not possible by RAW, but still, if you are the DM:

Potion of True Resurection: True Resurection on a potion, not much to explain.

Potion of Gate: The gate spell is cast ... inside of you, a random monster comes out of it, it's hostile to the drinker and will procede to burst out of the drinker upon coming out of the gate.

Potion of Time Stop: Your digestive system acts freely for 1d4 +1 rounds.

Potion of Fly Sympathy: Flies are attracted to you.

And some not so original ideas copied from a similar thread:

Sword of Cure Minor Wounds

Vorpal Guilliotine

And finally some original ideas:

Scroll of Literacy: Caster becomes Literate.

Scroll of Cure Blindness: Caster is cured of Blindness

Top Hat of Rabbit Production: When the words ALAKAZAM! are uttered near this hat it produces 1d4 fluffy rabbits while taking away 1% of the wearer's hair, they stay for 1d3 rounds and cannot do any action other than to look cute, after the elapsed time they decompose into hair.

Tracking Gloves: This leather gloves emit a high pitched sound when only one of them is left on the wearer's body. The sound stops when the other is removed or the removed one is returned.

[Stanlee]

There was an item I read about once and I based a character off of it. It was a coin from Dragon magazine.

When you flip the coin someone has to call out heads or tails. If you were the last to call out it flipped to your side. If someone else was last to call out then it flips to the opposite side.

The character I played based his moral decisions based on fate. The DM was in on what the coin did and called the decisions for me, the other players did not know the coins power.

I think it was like 300gp

[Logalmier]

Potion of the Palapteryx

The drinker of this potion gains the ability to pronounce palatalized Palapteryx. It however does not allow you to palatalize your panicle's Palapteryx.

Ingredients:

2lbs Wolfsbane
Unicorn Tears
A Child's Laughter

[Geohound13]

There was an item I read about once and I based a character off of it. It was a coin from Dragon magazine.

When you flip the coin someone has to call out heads or tails. If you were the last to call out it flipped to your side. If someone else was last to call out then it flips to the opposite side.

The character I played based his moral decisions based on fate. The DM was in on what the coin did and called the decisions for me, the other players did not know the coins power.

I think it was like 300gp

That would be great for a gambler!

[Dsurion]

Searching through older forum posts, found a few good ones.

Cloak of Billowing: this cloak will always billow dramatically behind the wearer, it has no other effects.

Amulet of Feather Fall: When worn, this amulet turns into a feather and falls to the ground.

Deck of Many Thongs: Each card pulled from this deck has a picture of a woman in lingerie. However, this woman will always appear to be the viewers mother.

Dagger of Disarming: The holder of this dagger must attempt a Reflex save (19) every round they are in combat or the weapon will slip from their hands.

Bastard Sword: This sword goes into a rage when his creator is mentioned.

Duck of Many things : This duck lays 1d4 eggs a day, random mundane oddities are found in the eggs. The duck tends to lay them in hidden places.

Two-Handed Sword: Has two nonfunctional hands built into the hilt.

Axe of Pain: The axe is always moaning and groaning with pain.

Boots of Levitation: These boots levitate when not worn.

Staff of the Prismatic Sphere: 3/day summons a randomly colored magical sphere.

[SamL]

Collar of the Savage Feline
Place this collar upon a normal house cat, and it will gain the power to kill the vast majority of the human population!

Man, I bet Belkar would kill for this item.

[Qwertystop]

Man, I bet Belkar would kill for this item.

The joke is that on average, a housecat is much more likely to kill a Commoner (and capable of doing so) than vice versa, statwise. The collar does nothing but call attention to the fact.

[Ilmryn]

Well, there is one form a previous thread, but it is more cursed then useless.

The Tome of Sparkling Vampires
To any detection attempts, this item appears to be a nonmagical book. However, on reading, it does 1d6 points of Intelligence and Wisdom drain to the reader. Teenage girls are immune to this effect.

[Jack_Simth]

Saddle of Stability
When this saddle is applied to a horse (a process which takes 5 rounds), the rider of that horse instantly succeeds all Ride checks. The horse is instantly killed.

And one casting of Animate Dead later, you have a skeleton horse, and it no longer matters that you don't have any ranks in Ride.

Boots of the Commoner
When these boots are worn, the person instantly chooses a Flaw. They do not get an additional feat.

And the world was flooded with chickens... well, the merchants were - they're trade goods, you know.

There's actually a lot of items in here that have assorted minor uses (and some no-so-minor uses).