Useless but fun magic Items

[monkman]

Pole of poking: This pole allows a PC to poke another person from 10ft away.The first time a person is touched,They must make a Will save which DC is 14.IF the person fails,They turn around and look at the person with the pole.If they succeed They do not have to turn around.If poked again the Poker gains a -1(stacking) with all *speaking *skills(gather info,Diplomacy,Bluff,Intimidate) after 10 pokes In less that 1 hour,A person must make a Will save of 17 or become hostile and attack the poker.

How do you like it?

[Hyudra]

Pole of poking: This pole allows a PC to poke another person from 10ft away.The first time a person is touched,They must make a Will save which DC is 14.IF the person fails,They turn around and look at the person with the pole.If they succeed They do not have to turn around.If poked again the Poker gains a -1(stacking) with all *speaking *skills(gather info,Diplomacy,Bluff,Intimidate) after 10 pokes In less that 1 hour,A person must make a Will save of 17 or become hostile and attack the poker.

How do you like it?

Only issue is the 'turn around' bit. There's no facing rules in D&D, so you're technically facing every direction at once.

[Balain]

This was in a dragon mag long long ago...

Imagine two scrolls side by side each one with half of a bunch of spells on it like Magic mouth, locate object, burning hands, etc. No make a cylindrical scroll out of them but one twisted so you get spells like Burning mouth, locate hands, etc.

Good times were had by all has the mage uses the scroll

[Trekkin]

The Big Book of Everything:
This book contains a description of every object in the universe, combining the effects of an identify, object reading and discern location cast on that object. Unfortunately, the pages are in random order. To use, roll 1d[number of objects in the universe] for every minute spent perusing the book; on a 1, the reader learns all the information that would be uncovered by the three preceding spells cast on the desired object.

[Gettles]

Gloves of Skilled Hands when worn switches owners dominate hand.

[Jack Zander]

There's always the classic Ring of Extra Ring Slot.

When worn, the wearer is able to wear and benefit from one extra ring worn.

[Vizzerdrix]

Boogie Skeleton
This pile of bonus is small, such as one that might be obtained from a bird or a toad, though it can look as though it came from any creature. When a song is sung or played in the vicinity of the skeleton, it begins to dance appropriately. As soon as the music stops, it collapses into the pile of bones again. The skeleton, when dancing, can be no larger than Diminutive.

Hey, thats cool! I wouldn't mind finding something like that in a treasure pile

[Solophoenix]

There's always the classic Ring of Extra Ring Slot.

When worn, the wearer is able to wear and benefit from one extra ring worn.

Can I use the MIC rules for stacking enchantments to add more effects? :P

[BIGMamaSloth]

There's always the classic Ring of Extra Ring Slot.

When worn, the wearer is able to wear and benefit from one extra ring worn.

this starts getting really weird when you're wearing 20 of these. where do the rings start going?

[Jack_Simth]

this starts getting really weird when you're wearing 20 of these. where do the rings start going?

Like wearing two Rings of Evasion, the effect doesn't stack.

But there's a rather lot of items in here that'd be at least a little useful, given the right circumstances:

The Fetch Pebble: Cast Continual Flame on it. You now have a hands-free light that you can run away from, and have it follow you on a specific course. As it's based on skin, you have the sneak of the party touch it, and put it in a container. Then have someone hold the container while the sneak goes somewhere. You then open the container without touching the pebble, and watch it head towards the sneak. If nobody saw the sneak, then you've got a traveling, ghostly light (especially if you arrange to cast Invisibility on the stone itself at some point).

The amulet of delay is handy for a sneak - if they goof up a Move Silently check, then they've got a bit to get away before the bad roll hits.

The Sun Glasses are useful in that they'll remove the sunlight penalty for Drow, Kobolds, and other critters (even though they do have side-effects).

The Dog Whistle makes for a quick distraction. Someone thinks they heard a noise? Blow the dog whistle. When the guard comes over to invistigate... oh look! A stray dog. That's likely what caused the noise....

The Sword of Damoclese: Analyze Dweomer gives command words, and Tongues lets you speak any language. Thus, it's a relatively normal Dancing Blade.

The Amulet of oppositional emotion is remarkably useful for interrogating prisoners - especially if you want to convince one prisoner that the other ratted him out.

Staff of Disintegration: Very limited use, but still useful: You use it to jam something open, that you wish to be able to close in a hurry.

Any item that hurts the user can of course be used as a trap.

And so on. You just need to get creative, and/or find fairly unusual circumstances.

[Mercenary Pen]

this starts getting really weird when you're wearing 20 of these. where do the rings start going?

Well, your ears can take a few of them for a start.

Mirror of Vision
This mirror can be used an infinite number of times per day to view the user's reflection.

[Kaulesh]

The Sun Glasses are useful in that they'll remove the sunlight penalty for Drow, Kobolds, and other critters (even though they do have side-effects).

It's much cheaper to buy the mundane goggles (Sundark? I don't recall the exact name) from Races of the Dragon.

[Jack_Simth]

It's much cheaper to buy the mundane goggles (Sundark? I don't recall the exact name) from Races of the Dragon.

A couple of things about that:

1) Prices are not listed here.
2) Not all campaigns actually let you shop for items at Ye Olde Magjickque Shoppe Une Ltd, and not all parties have a crafter, so items you want to purchase are not necessarily available - you may find that you may need to make do with what you can find.
3) Not everyone wants items listed as 'useless', so you might have problems offloading them for noticeable change.

So basically, the useful items are situational and campaign dependent.

[The Dark Fiddler]

this starts getting really weird when you're wearing 20 of these. where do the rings start going?

More than two per finger. Toes.

[Ravens_cry]

Gloves of Skilled Hands when worn switches owners dominate hand.

"I *strips glove* am not left-handed."
Not exactly RAW, but still potentially useful. If you have an identical mundane pair that you wear all the time and switch gloves, you can really confuse people.

[Worlok]

The Coat of Many Colors
This coat changes color every 1d4+1 rounds. It is also invisible. Moderate illusion.

The Turntoad
Whenever this toad-sized figurine of a toad is put on firm ground somewhere, it turns around. Faint transmutation.

The Umbrella of Lies
Whenever you open this umbrella, you get the illusion of the weather clearing, even if it actually rains. Whenever you close it, you get the illusion of sudden rainfall, even if it doesn't actually rain. Anyone seeing the user with the opened umbrella gets the illusion of rain falling out of it onto the user. DC 30 Will saves dispel this illusions for a day. Strong illusion.

[kestrel404]

Boots of the Commoner
When these boots are worn, the person instantly chooses a Flaw. They do not get an additional feat.

It's already been pointed out, but this can totally get you the 'chicken infested' flaw, an ability I'd probably value at 20k gold pieces worth of magic item, at least. The fact that it can get you OTHER flaws means that this ends up being totally useful. Like the Dust of Sneezing and Coughing, this is a cursed item that's totally worth buying.

Now for some more:
Vest of Visibility - this bright orange vest counters all attempts to make you invisible and provides a -20 penalty to all hide checks.

Crossbow of Grenade launching - This is a magical crossbow that launches grenades. Any time a bolt is fired from this crossbow, it turns into a magically charged 'grenade' that detonates in the square it lands in, damaging everything in that square for 1d10 points of force damage. There is no hit roll. Range: 0 feet.

Lucifon's Marvelous Plot Engine - This diabolical engine of torment and despair was once a simple, innocent Apparatus of Kwalish. Now, due to mystic enhancements placed upon it by the demon-artificer Lucifon, it believes itself to be a cocker spaniel and every 10d10 days it will choose a new 'master' to follow around at random from the people within 1 mile of it. While following a 'master', it will attempt to remain within 5' of that person at all times, except when it sees an outhouse (which it immediately attacks until destroyed), clean laundry (it will consume any left sock, stocking, or 1/2 of a pair of hose therein), or mailman (what is done to mailmen is best left unsaid). At night, while the 'master' is sleeping, the confused Apparatus of Kwalish will attempt to 'curl up on its master's lap' - this consists of it circling around that person three times, walking until it is directly over top of them, and then retracting all limbs/protrusions simultaneously in order to land directly on top of them (at which point it is merely a 1 ton cylander of knobly steel).

[Orbin Dules]

Magic 8 ball: this pure black sphere with an eight emblazoned on it will answer a yes or no question that's asked of it. Here's the catch: when someone asks it a question, the DM rolls 1d3. On a one, yes, on a two, no, and on a three, unknown. If someone asks it a question they know the answer to, the DM gives that answer.

[Barbin]

Shirt of throwing
This simple green shirt is the perfect size for the average Halfling. When doned, the wearer's range increasment increases by 50ft when thrown.

Hours of fun followed by injuries sustained by the party's halfling.

[Ravens_cry]

The Coat of Many Colors
This coat changes color every 1d4+1 rounds. It is also invisible. Moderate illusion.

This coat wouldn't happen to have pockets would it, like almost any coat? If so, definitely useful.

The Umbrella of Lies
Whenever you open this umbrella, you get the illusion of the weather clearing, even if it actually rains. Whenever you close it, you get the illusion of sudden rainfall, even if it doesn't actually rain. Anyone seeing the user with the opened umbrella gets the illusion of rain falling out of it onto the user. DC 30 Will saves dispel this illusions for a day. Strong illusion.

I know a few shysters who would pay good money for this. Go to places with drought and say you can make the rain come, for a fee of course.
Another use is against a dry lich. Unless they pass the will save, they will think they are taking damage.

[DragonSinged]

This coat wouldn't happen to have pockets would it, like almost any coat? If so, definitely useful.

Well, I'd say that's only if you're assuming that anything stored in the pockets of the coat is also invisible. I would add an addendum to the coat that specifies that anything put in the pockets of the coat are also invisible to the wearer.

That way, he thinks he's being all crafty, sneaking a dagger into the royal ball... until the guards take him into the back room for questioning about the dagger floating along at his side.

[Amador]

Longsword of Frost Spheres: When this longsword hits something it produces a sphere of ice 1 foot in diameter, requiring a dc 17 STR check to break the sword free.

[kestrel404]

Longsword of Frost Spheres: When this longsword hits something it produces a sphere of ice 1 foot in diameter, requiring a dc 17 STR check to break the sword free.

Yay, infinite ice water! That would be great in the desert, or any warm environment.

[Ravens_cry]

Longsword of Frost Spheres: When this longsword hits something it produces a sphere of ice 1 foot in diameter, requiring a dc 17 STR check to break the sword free.

Yea for fleshgrinding!

[Jack_Simth]

Yay, infinite ice water! That would be great in the desert, or any warm environment.

Plus, you know, trapping smaller creatures fairly effectively....

Most things have *a* use, you just have to get creative, and/or locate fairly specialized circumstances. For instance...

Well, I'd say that's only if you're assuming that anything stored in the pockets of the coat is also invisible. I would add an addendum to the coat that specifies that anything put in the pockets of the coat are also invisible to the wearer.

That way, he thinks he's being all crafty, sneaking a dagger into the royal ball... until the guards take him into the back room for questioning about the dagger floating along at his side.

Really handy if you want to emphasize someone as a spellcaster:
Drop a few exotic items in the pockets, have the ranger put it on, and... oops, someone's targeting the obviously magical guy with Fort and Reflex save effects!

Also really handy if you want to make *some other* item seem magical. "Obviously it has magic to it; see how it follows me around? Yes, I know it doesn't register with even a faint aura, surely something that's obviously magical, yet has no magical aura - wasn't it only artifacts that do that? - oh yes, and even things that have recently had magic worked on them carry such; here, it's easy enough to demonstrate that" does so (Mage Hand on a pebble will cause the pebble to have a Dim aura for 1d6 rounds) "Ah, you suspect foul play with such spells as Magic Aura. Of course - that's simple enough to refute; dispel the artifact as you please, and lock it in a safe overnight. I can assure you it will have exactly the same lack of magical aura for any reasonable timeframe...."

[Worlok]

This coat wouldn't happen to have pockets would it, like almost any coat? If so, definitely useful.

... should have gone with a cape. Capes should be entirely useless, non?

I would add an addendum to the coat that specifies that anything put in the pockets of the coat are also invisible to the wearer.

That could make it more useless, true. Also, funnier.

But I think I'll update the whole thing to a cape, just to drive the point home:

The Cape of Many Colors
This cape changes color every 1d4+1 rounds. It is also invisible. Moderate illusion.

Now I challenge you to make any use of the turntoad! Except throwing it.

[Jay R]

I wrote up a bunch of these for a Space Gamer contest years ago.

Ring of Invulnerability. The ring can never be destroyed.

Rod of Beguiling with infinite charges, but only works when submerged in the ichor of C'thulhu

Coin of Indecision. A gold coin with the word "YES" on one side and the word "NO" on the other. If it is flipped while asking a question, the coin always lands on edge.

Arrow of Direction. A silver arrow, suspended on a string. It always points to the person holding the string.

Staff of Ever-Changing. A stout oaken staff that turns into a roll of raw silk when used as a weapon.

Scabbard of Sword Resistance. No sword can be sheathed in it

Lance of Quixote. +10 vs. windmills; -2 against any other target if a windmill is within 400 yards.

[Set]

Illusory Torch - instead of using the traditional continual flame, this gnomish 'genius' decided to use a shadow evocation of the light spell, creating a torch that glows with 'light' that is made of energy from the plane of shadows. Anyone in the radius of the torch is convinced that they can see just fine, and their imagination tends to fill in the blanks for them, but don't actually see anything that they didn't already see before the torch was lit. New creatures entering the area, if there is no other light source, are effectively invisible to them, and any sort of change in terrain (such as a gaping hole in the floor) will not be visible to them.

Ascetic's Bowl - using a prestidigitation spell, a monk who eschewed the luxuries of life was gifted with a plain-looking bowl that removes the flavor from any food placed within it, leaving it bland and tasteless. No characteristic other than flavor (and odor) is changed by the cantrip.

Teetotaler's Tankard - any alcoholic beverage placed within this finely-adorned flagon (or mead-horn) is purified and becomes pure water. Other beverages, such as milk, fruit juice or black adder venom, are not purified, only alcoholic beverages, and an alcoholic beverage that contains other liquids (or items), becomes water containing other liquids (or items).

Crown of Kingly Bearing - this crown looks fabulous, and it knows it. It looks good on many wearers (and complains bitterly when it's gracing the head of someone who isn't up to it's rigorous standards, although it will offer advice, such as 'burn that outfit,' or 'if you shave down the middle, people might think you have *two* eyebrows'), it looks good on the bedstand, it looks especially good on the velvet pillow that it prefers to be carried upon, by someone who is at least marginally attractive, and willing to flatter it with praise.

Attentive Guardsman's Tabard - a dozen of these tabards were fashioned for palace guardsmen in the Empire of Sard, 250 miles from the nearest enemy. The bearer is placed under a glamor that causes him to appear alert and awake, even if his eyes are closed and he is snoring lightly.

Attentive Gaurdsman's Pike - these ornate and deadly-looking ceremonial pikes are reach weapons and appear to weigh at least 20 lbs, and that's not counting the weight of the fluttering banners that can be unfurled for parade use. Constructed of shadowstuff, they weigh one pound, and inflict only a single point of damage on an attack (Will save for no damage), being almost entirely for show, although they also have the unique property of remaining in place, when set (although unable to support more than 20 lbs), allowing a 'resting his eyes' guardsman to prop it up and leave it standing under it's own power, while his hand sags off of it.

Eye Stone - this polished spherical stone is glamered to appear as a living human eye. If picked up, it changes color and appearance to match the holders eye(s), and if placed within an empty eye-socket, it moves in tandem with any remaining eye, and appears completely real, able to blink, tear up, etc. What it cannot do, is see. It's just a pretty rock.

Eye of Horus - this special pigment is found in a small clay container, and if smeared even roughly on the face of a humanoid individual, flows into the shape of the Eye of Horus, like a henna tattoo around the left eye. One round later, the wearer takes 1 hp of fire damage as the henna sears itself into the skin, and becomes a permanant tattoo. As long as this tattoo remains (and it can only be removed magically), Horus, ancient Egyptian god of vengeance, can see out of your left eye. Several thousand of these were made by a priest of Set, as a cruel joke, and administered to nobles all over the upper kingdom without warning them of their true purpose (or that it would hurt...). Horus is beyond caring what any of these eyes show him, at this point, since there are so many of them, and the only thing he can do is ignore them all.

A Bard's Tail - Sahima, a half-elven bard of some repute, was believed to be a tiefling, and played the role with gusto, enjoying the notoriety. She had a special outfit crafted, of which all that remains is her 'devil tail.' A leather belt, with an attached 'devil tail,' when worn, the belt fades from view, leaving only the tail visible, and under the mental control of the wearer, who can use it as a limb with a strength score of 1, able to hold a potion flask, or other small item, for ease of use. (She used it to strum her harp, in complex 'three-handed' melodies, and occasionally to cheat at cards.)

[Ilmryn]

I wrote up a bunch of these for a Space Gamer contest years ago.

Ring of Invulnerability. The ring can never be destroyed.

Rod of Beguiling with infinite charges, but only works when submerged in the ichor of C'thulhu

Coin of Indecision. A gold coin with the word "YES" on one side and the word "NO" on the other. If it is flipped while asking a question, the coin always lands on edge.

Arrow of Direction. A silver arrow, suspended on a string. It always points to the person holding the string.

Staff of Ever-Changing. A stout oaken staff that turns into a roll of raw silk when used as a weapon.

Scabbard of Sword Resistance. No sword can be sheathed in it

Lance of Quixote. +10 vs. windmills; -2 against any other target if a windmill is within 400 yards.

I believe you have read Murphy's Rules...

Then there is the rod of rulership with 500 charges...which only works when submerged in the blood of Chthulhu, although some plazers would probablz figure out how to obtain said blood....

[Jack_Simth]

The Cape of Many Colors
This cape changes color every 1d4+1 rounds. It is also invisible. Moderate illusion.

Now I challenge you to make any use of the turntoad! Except throwing it.

Suppose you know there's a leak in your organization, and have spies in the organization that has penetrated yours, but don't know who's reporting back.

Step 1:
Find someone unkown to your organization. Put the cape on that person.
Step 2:
Tout the person as being extremely good at gaging who might be a spy (sight unseen).
Step 3:
Invisibility Purge, so the cape can be seen by all.
Step 4:
Have everyone in your organization meet this person, briefly, once, in isolation. Record who sees which color.
Step 5:
Have your spies report back the color reported by the opposition spy in his description of the interrogator.
Step 6:
The person who saw the color that matches up with the other report is very likely the source of the leak. Plug by whatever method suits your alignment (whether that's disinformation, homicide, mind control, or something else).

There. You use the turntoad to help you locate a turncoat. The fact that it changes colors is instrumental in making it work (although you could, of course, just use Prestidigitation for the same effect).

With enough creativity, and the exact right circumstances, almost anything can be useful.