Useless but fun magic Items

[Jay R]

I wrote up a bunch of these for a Space Gamer contest years ago.

...

I believe you have read Murphy's Rules...

Then there is the rod of rulership with 500 charges...which only works when submerged in the blood of Chthulhu, although some plazers would probablz figure out how to obtain said blood....

"...read..." Murphy's Rules? Not quite. That article was published in Murphy's Rules, and before that in Fantasy Gamer #1, both times correctly credited to me.

But you are correct that I had originally written a Rod of Rulership, and misremembered it as a Rod of Beguiling.

[Demonic_Spoon]

Ring of Invulnerability. The ring can never be destroyed.

Haunt shift into the ring? You cannae be destroyed laddy!

[lotusblossom13]

[QUOTE=Jay R;10283059]Ring of Invulnerability. The ring can never be destroyed.

That would make a ridiculously broken (or rather invincible) phylactery

[Sith_Happens]

How useless is "completely useless?" I'm sure someone could come up with a way to abuse this one, but mostly it's just fun:

Defenestrating
Price: +200 gp
Property: Melee weapon.
Caster Level: 3rd
Aura: Faint; (DC 17) conjuration, transmutation
Activation: ---

If an attack made using a weapon with this property reduces a creature to zero or fewer hitpoints, a stained-glass window is created adjacent to that creatute on the side opposite to the wielder, upright and facing the wielder. The window is the same size category as the target creature and may have a design of the wielder's choice, chosen mentally at the time of the attack. Otherwise, it depicts a choir of angels.

In addition, apply the effects of the Knockback feat (see page 142 of Races of Stone) to the attack that triggered this effect, as if the wielder qualified for and possessed the feat (she does not have to be using Power Attack in this case). The attempted bull rush must be in the direction of the summoned window, and the target creature is treated as if it had rolled a 1 on its opposed strength check. The window shatters upon contact with the bull-rushed creature and does not impede its movement in any way. Any shards of broken glass that come in contact with the ground immediately vanish.

Prerequisite: Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Prestidigitation, Heroics.
Cost to Create: 100 gp, 8 XP, 1 day.


EDIT 10/18/12: The ability description now more consistently uses the word "creature," and explicitly states what happens when the bull-rushed creature impacts the conjured window. In addition, as originally written the window and the glass composing it were permanent, and therefore a Defenstrating weapon could be reasonably argued to turn squares into difficult terrain or otherwise impair movement by way the broken glass littering the ground.

[Ravens_cry]

Haunt shift into the ring? You cannae be destroyed laddy!

Speaking of necromancy . . .

[Knight13]

Defenestrating
Price: +200 gp
Property: Melee weapon.
Caster Level: 3rd
Aura: Faint; (DC 17) conjuration, transmutation
Activation: ---

If an attack made using a weapon with this property reduces a target to zero or fewer hitpoints, a stained-glass window is summoned adjacent to the target on the side opposite to the wielder, upright and facing the wielder. The window is the same size category as the target and may have a design of the wielder's choice, chosen mentally at the time of the attack. Otherwise, it depicts a choir of angels.

In addition, apply the effects of the Knockback feat (see page 142 of Races of Stone) to the attack that triggered this effect, as if the wielder qualified for and possessed the feat (she does not have to be using Power Attack in this case). The attempted bull rush must be in the direction of the summoned window, and the target is treated as if it had rolled a 1 on its opposed strength check.

Prerequisite: Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Prestidigitation, Heroics.
Cost to Create: 100 gp, 8 XP, 1 day.

Someone's been playing Kingdoms of Amalur.

[Sith_Happens]

Someone's been playing Kingdoms of Amalur.

Is that in Kingdoms or Amalur? If so, then I definitely need to get that game.

I actually got the idea from the second "Things I May No Longer Do While Playing" thread, namely a post involving various hitting-people-through-things-related silliness, ending with "plate-glass window summoning is not a valid weapon enhancement."

[Knight13]

Well, you can't do it just anywhere, but one of the boss fights does end with you homerunning his ass through a stained glass window.

[Antonok]

Rod of Wonder: When activated, makes a random 'I wonder' statement.

Examples:

Spoiler

Show

I wonder why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

I wonder why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

I wonder why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

I wonder why if flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

I wonder why, if money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

I wonder why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

I wonder, can you cry under water?

[Jay R]

Ring of Invulnerability. The ring can never be destroyed.

That would make a ridiculously broken (or rather invincible) phylactery

It's invulnerable, which includes being impenetrable. If I'm being a kind DM, you can never put your soul in it.

If I'm being the other kind, you can never get it back out.

[Bastian Weaver]

A use for the turntoad, hmm? Let's see.
How about scaring someone by showing him the turntoad so that he sees that it's just a little statue, tell him you're going to watch his every step, then say "Watch him closely, little toad" and put the turntoad on the ground, facing away from the person you're talking to.
Then you leave, and he notices that the toad statue has turned around to face him.
And it keeps turning to stare at him as he tries to turn it away.
This probably would end in throwing away/destruction of the turntoad, but it would make the victim very nervous.

[dps]

Sandals of Bedwetting--Whoever wears this item will wet themselvesduring their next sleep or rest cycle.

[Gnomish Wanderer]

Illusory Torch - instead of using the traditional continual flame, this gnomish 'genius' decided to use a shadow evocation of the light spell, creating a torch that glows with 'light' that is made of energy from the plane of shadows. Anyone in the radius of the torch is convinced that they can see just fine, and their imagination tends to fill in the blanks for them, but don't actually see anything that they didn't already see before the torch was lit. New creatures entering the area, if there is no other light source, are effectively invisible to them, and any sort of change in terrain (such as a gaping hole in the floor) will not be visible to them.

-snip-

A Bard's Tail - Sahima, a half-elven bard of some repute, was believed to be a tiefling, and played the role with gusto, enjoying the notoriety. She had a special outfit crafted, of which all that remains is her 'devil tail.' A leather belt, with an attached 'devil tail,' when worn, the belt fades from view, leaving only the tail visible, and under the mental control of the wearer, who can use it as a limb with a strength score of 1, able to hold a potion flask, or other small item, for ease of use. (She used it to strum her harp, in complex 'three-handed' melodies, and occasionally to cheat at cards.)

I love both of these ideas. Toss the first into a room and it's like you have instant invisibility. The second is a free hand! Hide the tail in your pants or something and it becomes awesome to sneak items that you REALLY don't want stolen around.

[Andezzar]

Where does the victim of the defenestrating weapon go? placing a window on a wall underground could lead to interesting consequences.

[Sith_Happens]

Where does the victim of the defenestrating weapon go? placing a window on a wall underground could lead to interesting consequences.

Introducing our newest Useless But Fun Magic Item: Scroll of Animate Thread.

To answer your question though, when a bull-rushed creature hits a wall it generally just stops.

[Andezzar]

I get that, but if the target just breaks the glass and lands in front of the window, it would look silly. Well sillier than than the situation already looks. Maybe the target could go through the window and if behind the window there is only solid matter, it would be teleported behind the wielder of the weapon.

You could even make a rod or staff from that scroll
Depending on the meaning of the word thread this could even be a useful item.

[Nyes the Dark]

Ring of Arousal: The first person or creature the wearer sees upon putting the ring on appears to the wearer as the most attractive person they have ever seen of appropriate gender (i.e. of a woman for a straight man, or a man for a gay man). The wearer must make a Will Save to resist their urges.

[Jacob.Tyr]

Stick of pointing: At will, this 1' long tree branch can be used to indicate an object within 100' of the user. Must have line of sight to the object.

[TuggyNE]

The double necromancy, it burns us, precious!

(Seriously, this is a great thread, but let it go already.)

[Sith_Happens]

The double necromancy, it burns us, precious!

(Seriously, this is a great thread, but let it go already.)

It's probably my fault for linking my Defenestrating Weapon post in another thread without explicitly mentioning that it's a dead thread. Oops.

[Vknight]

Pendant of Time
The pendant may be put on a surface with twelve markings in a circle to keep track of time

Ring of Owlbear
A ring that is made of a owl bear knuckle which annoys bears and owls when near

Boots of Walking backwards
The wearer of the boots appears to be walking backwards when they move forwards

[Sith_Happens]

*cough*



Please let dead threads lie.

[Hanuman]

I love this thread.

Breadbox of Toasteporting
1/day (command word) this wondrous item can cast Teleport as the spell on any mundane non-magical bread that is inside of it, on arrival the bread is toasted and hardened as if slow-baked. The breadbox must be closed for this ability to function.
If the bread is teleported into a wall or other solid material it ejects out of the nearest open area within 500' as 5d20 croutons, dealing 1 point of nonlethal damage for every 20 croutons ejected within a 15' cone.
If there is no open area within 500' the bread is sent to the ethereal plane on that location instead.
By uttering the command word again without usage of the teleport function the bread instead regains it's original freshness as if it were just baked, and it also changes to another random type of mundane non-magical, safely edible bread.

By expending a usage of Heroes Feast (as the spell), you may over-charge the breadbox, upon uttering the command word the breadbox explodes creating an instant heroes feast and consuming the wondrous item in the process. If used in an environment that would require concentration it has a 50% chance to fail, discharging the feast in a shockwave and destroying it's contents and exploding within a 30' area causing Grease (as the spell) within the area of effect on all objects, ceilings, creatures and walls inside the area because of food and drink, and knocking creatures down who fail a DC15 balance, reflex or fortitude save. Creatures who have even partial cover can use the knockdown DC to avoid the full effect, gaining a +4 on partial cover and +10 on full cover.

[ReaderAt2046]

-Ring of Talking to Fruit: Guess what this does...

-Sword of Cherry Tapping: +5 bonus against targets with 1 or fewer HP remaining.

-Ring of Idraam. When triggered, automatically casts summon monster I once per turn until turned back off, effective caster level 20. You do not control the summoned monsters.

-Mug of Extreme Drunkeness: You get twice as drunk on beer from this mug as any other beer. Also has an auto-refill enchantment so it's always full.

[Hanuman]

Sippycup of the Unknowable
This mug fills and changes it's contents every 10 rounds, and cannot spill unless it is attended and the user intentionally does so, even then any spilled contents immediately turn into small amounts of water vapor and dissipate.

The inside of the cup is an extra-dimensional space that is only out-going, nothing can detect inside of this space, the walls of the mug will ruin, destroy and remove any contents of the mug if the mug is pierced in any way.

If the user of the mug intentionally drinks from it, the liquid streams from the cup into their mouth without dissipating into vapor.

The mug normally produces random liquids, but it also is passively psychoactive and may take context from it's surroundings.

A DC30 wisdom check can force it to produce only one kind of preferred liquid for 1d100 rounds minus 10, minimum 0. (DM rolls in secret.)

[ReaderAt2046]

Ring of Aphasia:

When worn, causes you to speak only in cryptograms. The encryption key changes every round, and any translation spells automatically fail.

Xeno's Teleportation Ring. Teleports you half of the remaining distance to any location.

Gloves of Adhesion. Both sides of these gloves are enchanted to form an unbreakable bond to the first thing they touch. Activated by being put on someone's hands.

Bow of Sneezing: Roll damage regularly for arrows fired from this bow, however, instead of reducing the target's Hp, the target has an uncontrollable sneezing fit for a number of rounds equal to the damage dealt.

Scroll of Summoning Banjuhlu: Just... not a good idea.

[Hanuman]

Giblin's Lyre:
This masterwork instrument has many peculiar abilities:
Each string of this lyre has an effect when tightened or relaxed (30').
-E) Cools or warms beverages and small bodies of liquid slightly, from cold to warm or warm to cold.
-A) Shrinks or expands clothing slightly, from tight fitting to baggy or baggy to tight fitting.
-D) Polishes or tarnishes reflective surfaces, from shiny to matte or matte to polished.
-G) Cosmetically revitalizes or withers plants, from supple to withered or withered to supple.
-B) Changes hue of random objects, cycling through red, yellow, green, original, blue, pink, tuning changes them up a stage or down a stage.
-E^) Intensifies or blands food, from OK to tasty or from OK to bland or from bad to worse or from great to amazing. (1 step maximum)

Playing this instrument for 1 consecutive minute will turn wooden or hollow objects within 30' into soundboards as if they were acoustic and connected to the instrument until you stop playing, allowing you to project sound from it as if it were also the instrument, extending the instruments earshot range by 40' and creating a warm and complete sound.

1/day when this instrument is broken it will cast mending on itself as if readied.

[Andezzar]

Xeno's Teleportation Ring. Teleports you half of the remaining distance to any location.

If this works at will, it is a very useful item. If it only works 1/day it still would reduce traveling times.

Gloves of Adhesion. Both sides of these gloves are enchanted to form an unbreakable bond to the first thing they touch. Activated by being put on someone's hands.

Sounds like a pretty standard cursed item. Not useless but fun.

Bow of Sneezing: Roll damage regularly for arrows fired from this bow, however, instead of reducing the target's Hp, the target has an uncontrollable sneezing fit for a number of rounds equal to the damage dealt.

If sneezing is equivalent to dazed, this again is very useful.

The lyre is very useful as well.

[razorback]

Originally Posted by ReaderAt2046 View Post
Xeno's Teleportation Ring. Teleports you half of the remaining distance to any location.

If this works at will, it is a very useful item. If it only works 1/day it still would reduce traveling times.

With permission, I'm so handing one of these out next time.

Hey, we have this cool ring of teleportation. Let's use it to get to that island over there instead of taking a boat.

[Andezzar]

With permission, I'm so handing one of these out next time.

Hey, we have this cool ring of teleportation. Let's use it to get to that island over there instead of taking a boat.

Anyone using magic items before identifying them deserves whatever happens to them. Identify will reveal this unless of course the item is cursed.