Useless but fun magic Items

[Kornaki]

Once you know the effect it becomes a ring of teleportation - you just teleport to a location twice as far away as your intended destination

[Sgt. Cookie]

I posted this in the "Fun minor loot thread" in the 3.5 section, but it could fit here.





A small mechanical mouse, thoroughly worthless, except as a curiosity, that gives off a faint magical aura (It gives 1 xp to an Artificer for crafting), that awakens at the touch of a hand.

Upon activation, this mouse does everything a regular mouse does, scurries across the floor, cleans itself, hibernates in winter and even squeaks! It does not eat or drink though. It never strays too far from the person that activated it. Though they have no direct control over the mouse, it will attempt to copy what the activator is doing, broadly speaking.

For example, if a rogue activated it and was moving silently, the mouse would follow suit and also move silently, if the rogue was sleeping, so would the mouse.

The mouse can be used as a familiar, if so desired.

[TuggyNE]

Once you know the effect it becomes a ring of teleportation - you just teleport to a location twice as far away as your intended destination

More precisely, it becomes a ring of annoyingly geometric teleportation: make a DC 30 Knowledge: Local check to ensure you've gotten the right target.

[Erik Vale]

Once you know the effect it becomes a ring of teleportation - you just teleport to a location twice as far away as your intended destination

But if the ring can actually tell you want to land at half way, or exactly where you want to land, it just puts you half way there, preventing deliberate overshoot cheese.

My item:
Stone of Flaring Light: Acts as a stone of Alarm, however instead of waking people with a high pitched sound and waking people up, it hits everyone in the area with a Flare spell (as per flare, caster level varies based on the stone). The spell has only a 50% chance of waking a sleeping person.

It will make sure the guy on watch notices people have entered, but you still need a guy on watch.

[ReaderAt2046]

But if the ring can actually tell you want to land at half way, or exactly where you want to land, it just puts you half way there, preventing deliberate overshoot cheese.

Of course.

New items: Belt of Weight Loss. Contains a levitate spell keyed to body fat and an alter self that makes you look like you have about half as much body fat as you really do. Both spells automatically activate when the belt is donned.

Scrub's Flour: When tossed into the air, one handful fills a 15' by 15' region. An exceptionally cheesy charactger entering a space occupied by the flour causes it and the cheese to annihilate each other violently, dealing 10d6 of damage to the cheesebearer and 50d6 damage to anyone within 100 ft (Reflex save to take half damage.) Such a detonation removes all flour from the square entered by the cheesy character.

[Erik Vale]

Scrubs flour is useful. Run an epic multi-stalt game, and just send goblins equiped with this against them.

[MesiDoomstalker]

Scrubs flour is useful. Run an epic multi-stalt game, and just send goblins equiped with this against them.

Except at that level 50d6 is insignificant.

[Dimers]

I love this thread.

Breadbox of Toasteporting
1/day (command word) this wondrous item can cast Teleport as the spell on any mundane non-magical bread that is inside of it, on arrival the bread is toasted and hardened as if slow-baked. The breadbox must be closed for this ability to function.

Sorry, but that's useful -- you could write a vitally important message in marble rye and send it hundreds of miles away to a receiving station, where the Royal Spymaster will read and act on it. "Quickly, buy me a loaf of pumpernickel and two scrolls of meld bread! These insane cultists must be stopped!"

To say nothing of the fact that it could keep a nigh-inaccessible watchtower supplied with foodstuffs year-round ... my god, the possibilities are endless!

[ReaderAt2046]

Brain Bleach: When poured on you head, erases whatever thoughts and/or memories are on your mind at the moment. The only known way to permanently get things like this (http://ffn.nodwick.com/?p=81) or this (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showp...stcount=66)out of your head, but each thought erased costs 100 xp and if this drops you below the xp required for your current level you actually go down a level.

Orb of Finding. While holding this perfectly uniform blue sphere, concentrate on any object, person, or character, and the orb will rotate to face it.

Scroll of Dispel Clothes. Should be self-evident what this does.

Wand of Cold. Ranged touch attack, gives the target a cold.

[Erik Vale]

Brain Bleach: When poured on you head, erases whatever thoughts and/or memories are on your mind at the moment. The only known way to permanently get things like this (http://ffn.nodwick.com/?p=81) or this (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showp...stcount=66)out of your head, but each thought erased costs 100 xp and if this drops you below the xp required for your current level you actually go down a level.

Orb of Finding. While holding this perfectly uniform blue sphere, concentrate on any object, person, or character, and the orb will rotate to face it.

Scroll of Dispel Clothes. Should be self-evident what this does.

Wand of Cold. Ranged touch attack, gives the target a cold.

Put a drop of ink or something on the sphere, and it becomes useful, and the wand of dispel clothes. Ever thought of removing the BBEG's Armour?

[Cealocanth]

Let's see...

Here at O'malley's magic shop we have a fine selection of magic items for everyday folks. Our sales today include:

Hat of Water Repulsion: Wear this hat and not a drop of water will touch your head!

Boots of Minor Mud Resistance: These boots will shed mud with ease. One charge.

Wine Glass of Drink Chilling: Any liquid poured in this glass will be chilled to a "only slightly too cold so it makes your teeth hurt" temperature.

Door of Closing: This door will close itself when opened.

Statue of Planetary Mass: This statue will get heavier whenever you try to lift it.

Idol of Minor Time Reversal: When touched, this idol will reverse time to the point just before you touched it.

Crown of Limited Shininess: This crown will never tarnish as long as it's polished daily.

Chest of Lessened Storage: This chest can only hold half of what an ordinary chest of the same size can hold.

Edit: Ring of Being Just a Little Too Tight: This ring will almost fit everyone

String of Tangling: This small amount of string will always be tangled. It costs 4d6 rounds to untangle it, in which case, it will magically tangle itself again.

Mobius Wheels: These wheels can be manufactured to fit a variety of vehicles. They only have one side, ensuring a bumpy ride.

Sword of Paper Cuts: All attacks made with this sword will deal less than one point of damage, and create no cut bigger than a paper cut. All wounds made by this sword are fairly painful, and will heal naturally in about a day.

Opportunistic Sword: This weapon will sprout small metallic legs and run away when no one is watching.

[ReaderAt2046]

Opportunistic Sword: This weapon will sprout small metallic legs and run away when no one is watching.

Very nice.

A set of six potions, each granting -4 to the apprpriate ability score.

Potion of Grashopper's Strength
Potion of Rhino's Grace.
Potion of Mayfly's Endurance
Potion of Sheep's Cunning
Potion of Lemming's Wisdom
Potion of Warthog's Splendor.

And...

Goggles of Gaze Protection. Ordinary goggles with opaque plastic lenses. These make you immune to gaze attacks, but render you effectively blind.

Glasses of Glowiness. Anything you look at through these glasses appears to be glowing as per the light spell.

[navar100]

Hammer of Dwarven Thrower

When wielded by a dwarf, this hammer throws the dwarf 30 ft in a random direction.

Bag of Holding

Upon first opening the bag, a voice speaks in a language the user can understand. The user is told the bag contains important information the user needs to know. It then tells the use to hang on a second while it rummages through its memory. The bag speaks no more.

The Singing Frog

Often found buried in a deep hole or container, the user who finds this enchanting frog discovers it is intelligent. It has 20 ranks in Perform (sing) and sings such beautiful music. Unfortunately, only the owner gets to hear the performance when they are alone. No matter how hard the owner tries to get others to hear the frog, the frog always manages to finish its current song by the time another person is in hearing range (5 ft). It then behaves in all ways as a normal frog. When the owner and frog are alone again, the frog starts singing again. The only way to rid oneself of the frog is to bury it in a deep hole or container.

[nedz]

Ring of Achillean Teleportation.
This ring will teleport you 9/10ths of the distance to your target location. You then fall asleep, no save. If undisturbed you will sleep for as long as it would take a tortoise to walk the same distance.

Ring of Gygaxian Teleportation.
This ring will teleport you d% of the distance to your target location. You will then have a CR appropriate random encounter: roll initiative.

Crystal Ball of the Sponsor.
Make a DC 30 Will save. If successful this functions as a regular crystal ball, otherwise it shows an image of some merchant who will try to sell you some household products. It is always the same merchant.

[Andezzar]

Ring of Achillean Teleportation.
This ring will teleport you 9/10ths of the distance to your target location. You then fall asleep, no save. If undisturbed you will sleep for as long as it would take a tortoise to walk the same distance.

Not usable by elves I hope.

Ring of Gygaxian Teleportation.
This ring will teleport you d% of the distance to your target location. You will then have a CR appropriate random encounter: roll initiative.

Crystal Ball of the Sponsor.
Make a DC 30 Will save. If successful this functions as a regular crystal ball, otherwise it shows an image of some merchant who will try to sell you some household products. It is always the same merchant.

LOL

[Sutremaine]

Ring of Gygaxian Teleportation.
This ring will teleport you d% of the distance to your target location. You will then have a CR appropriate random encounter: roll initiative.

Do you get the appropriate XP from this encounter? If so, use it with walking-distance teleports (to keep you close to your base of operations) and get your very own personalised level grinder.

[ReaderAt2046]

Hammer of Dwarven Thrower

When wielded by a dwarf, this hammer throws the dwarf 30 ft in a random direction.

[Blightedmarsh]

Case of the litigator

Translates any document placed in the case into legal jargon; non reversable. Does not confer the ability to understand legal jargon.

Partisan cravat

This brightly colored tie is sympathetic and will change its hue to a colour calculated to cause the maximum amount of hostility in anyone who sees it.

[Andezzar]

Case of the litigator

Translates any document placed in the case into legal jargon; non reversable. Does not confer the ability to understand legal jargon.

Will it turn what the writer of the original document intended into legal jargon or what he actually wrote? The former would be really useful, the latter not so much but still not useless.

[Blightedmarsh]

Unless your willing to pay a lawyer an exorbitant fee then you will never know; even then you only have his word for it.

[Qwertystop]

Unless your willing to pay a lawyer an exorbitant fee then you will never know; even then you only have his word for it.

Not true. Usually legal jargon is understandable if you spend more than half a second looking at it. And actually think about it.

[Blightedmarsh]

Then they are not trying hard enough. How do they expect to get past that demonic internship stage if their blood drenched contracts are actually decipherable.

[Andezzar]

Legal jargon like any other specialized language does not have the objective to confuse people not versed in that language, it has the objective to make things clear (to insiders at least).

Also contracts between devils and unfortunate (or greedy depending on the standpoint) persons usually do not screw the other party over by making the contract difficult to understand but by provoking certain expectations in that party that aren't actually in the text.

At least D&D demons couldn't care less about contracts.

[Jay R]

Ring of Gygaxian Teleportation.
This ring will teleport you d% of the distance to your target location. You will then have a CR appropriate random encounter: roll initiative.

If the encounter is always CR appropriate, then it is NOT Gygaxian.

[nedz]

If the encounter is always CR appropriate, then it is NOT Gygaxian.

Hmmm, fair point. I guess I'd better re-write it.

Ring of Gygaxian Teleportation.
This ring will teleport you d% of the distance to your target location. You will then have a random encounter: roll initiative.

[navar100]

Feather of Ring Falling

Anyone holding this feather have their rings fall off.

Soup Stone

Placing this stone in a pot of boiling water provides a soup of clear warm water. Consuming this soup automatically grants you a Diplomacy check with a +5 circumstance bonus that convinces others nearby to contribute vegetables and meat to the soup, providing nourishment to all who contribute including the stone provider.

[MesiDoomstalker]

Feather of Ring Falling

Anyone holding this feather have their rings fall off.

All I see is "This item lets you use a Diplomacy check in place of a Disarm to remove the target's rings, magical or otherwise."

[Blightedmarsh]

Times arrow

This arrow has a powerful time stop enchantment place upon it. As it gets closer to its target time for the projectile progressively slows down. In the ed it will remain suspended in mid air scant millimeters away from the target (or where the target was until it got bored and wandered off).

Ring of denomination

This ring can exchange golds to an equivalent value of silvers and visa versa minus 12.5%

[Qwertystop]

All I see is "This item lets you use a Diplomacy check in place of a Disarm to remove the target's rings, magical or otherwise."

Plus any slotless items fluffed as earrings, nose rings, other piercings shaped like rings, or Ioun Stones that happen to be toroidal.

Oh, would chainmail count as lots and lots of rings?

[eulmanis12]

*Cannon of Canon: A cannon that when loaded with a piece of literature and fired at a church immediatly causes whatever is in the literature to become part of the canon of that religion.

*Rod of Wander: A rod that causes the owner to have no sense of direction.

*Relative Pole: A twenty foot pole that decreases in length as your speed increases.

*Pole Vault: A large Safe that is always filled with poles of various lengths, ranging from 10' to 42'

*Polish remover: A duel purpose potion that when rubbed on an object causes it to no longer be shiny. Also causes anyone from Poland to dissapear.

*The Axe of Bar: Whenever a trap is spotted by the owner this axe immediatly points to the trap and loudly announces "ITS A TRAP!"

*Potable Hole: A hole that is not portable, but is full of water that is safe to drink.

*Potion of Reguritation: a potion that immediatly causes the user to vomit

*Violin of Violence: A violin that when played produces music so bad that all within 20' immediatly become hostile