Wielding a what?

[AugustNights]

So, I'm compiling a list of interesting improvised weapons, and I was hoping that the playground wouldn't mind helping me by sharing some of the more interesting item's ya'll have used as an improvised weapon.
Doesn't really matter what setting or roleplaying game, what I'm interested in is interesting items, stories, and ideas.

Thanks!

[Enix18]

I once had a player whose Monk fought with a pillow. I believe it was the Drunken Master PrC that allowed him to deal his normal unarmed damage with an improvised weapon, which was particularly insane when he had greater mighty wallop cast on him. A pillow dealing something like 8d8 damage is just absurd...

[Dragon Elite]

A kobold, pixie, or gold coin doused in oil lit on fire.

The "lit on fire" part applies to all of them.

[Hanuman]

So, I'm compiling a list of interesting improvised weapons, and I was hoping that the playground wouldn't mind helping me by sharing some of the more interesting item's ya'll have used as an improvised weapon.
Doesn't really matter what setting or roleplaying game, what I'm interested in is interesting items, stories, and ideas.

Thanks!

Drunk master uses a cloth strip as an imp. weapon in his picture (using chin na to break a bone by locking a joint then forcing it, I assume).

In that respect, you could use any tether-like object, including bandages, scarves, rope, fishing line, twine, candle wick, ect.

Anything you wear is generally a good bet, if you have a steel flask on a strap or a dangerous looking waterskin then that works well.

As for inventive? Use adventuring gear you normally carry around, or make the weapon a tool from the adventurer's old profession skill.

[Lateral]

I smashed a holy symbol across a vampire's face once.

[Enix18]

A kobold, pixie, or gold coin doused in oil lit on fire.

The "lit on fire" part applies to all of them.

He's right, Kobolds do make pretty good weapons. A party I was with once killed a higher level Wizard by using the Kobold PC as a projectile. The impact was strong enough to basically shatter both of their skeletal systems (I can't remember how we got him flying that fast, though).

[Dragon Elite]

He's right, Kobolds do make pretty good weapons. I party I was with once killed a higher level Wizard by using the Kobold PC as a projectile. The impact was strong enough to basically shatter both of their skeletal systems (I can't remember how we got him flying that fast, though).

Commoner railgun?

[Grommen]

Door Knob.

The party's bard was peeking thought the key hole when he noticed a wizard leveling his wand of Lightning at said door.

Too slow to avoid the blast, the bard ended up several feet across the floor, splinters and all, holding onto the door knob. It was the only thing left of the door after all, and a very angry wizard loomed over top him.

Undaunted he pitched the knob at the wizard, who was warming up yet another mighty blast of his wand, scored a critical hit knocking the wizard out cold.

We then raided the room, stole the wand, and made good our escape.

Shortly after, with his cut of the proceeds, "Jack the Dashing" purchased a magical sack of Door Knobs. Stating that they were the most powerful objects in the universe.

Who am I to argue, they laid low the most powerful thing in 3rd edition in one blow.

[Zigg'rrauglurr]

I'll just repeat the battle cry of one of my partners in a a party (Translated from spanish):

"COOKIE SWORD!!!"

(Original: "Espadas de galleta!!!")

Story: Ragtag band (as usual) of Dnd 2nd, one of us had "cook" as secondary knowledge, and promptly botched an attempt to make "cookies" a la "Lembas bread" with a confirmed botch after the first one. (We played with confirmed botches and criticals) The DM ruled that the cookies had the hardness of steel.

BTW the chronicle had the rather ominous title of "Vorpal Chronicles"... Yap you guessed it, vorpal swords appearing everywhere. this obviously led to...

VORPAL COOKIE SWORD!!!

As a side note, this team is famous for phrases like "Can't you see i'm invisible?" or "I'm sorry but your parents survived"

[Just_Ice]

Grandfather clock was the norm

[arguskos]

The Pain Train, also called the Man Train. This bears some explanation. Here's the cliffnotes of the event:

-Party (level 1) is attacking a cult of strange spellcasters (Binders, Shadowcasters, Hexblades, Debasers [homebrew class on this forum, by Temotei], led by a Death Master). First room holds a few Hexblades and a pair of Binders. Party wins handily, due to them being stupid.
-Quick recon shows the next room has like 5 guys in it, including a Binder of Savnok (which they all freaked out about, cause I showed them the picture of Savnok and said "pretty much that"). They decided to use all the weapons from the guys in the first room, lash them to a table (mostly spears and swords), and charge down the hallway into the next room, using the newly-christened "Pain Train" as a battering ram to crush a guy.
-The Binder of Savnok was unfortunately first up. I gave the Pain Train (an ingenious idea, after all) the stats of a bull rush, but instead of distance, it dealt damage (don't recall the set up, now). The poor Savnok binder didn't do well on his check, and ended up getting crushed by the Pain Train.

The Pain Train is now fondly remembered by the players in that campaign.

[RandomLunatic]

My Enlarged monk once used the BBEG (Hobgoblin Lich Dread Necromancer) to club a troll zombie...

While the zombied was ddestroyed, the BBEG unfortunately got better (see "lich").

[Claudius Maximus]

Sharkmitt.

In an undersea battle against sahuagin and their pet sharks, the barbarian killed a shark with a critical hit from his greatsword, which I said beheaded it.

The party's drunken master was growing tired of the penalties from using a blunt weapon (his unarmed strike) and sought an improvised piercing weapon, and due to the scarcity of materials at the seafloor, resorted to scooping out the shark's head and using it like a puppet to chomp things with his hand.

[Cealocanth]

Well, let's see. I have a mutant monster that fights with a scorpion-like stinger at the end of a barbed tentacle in place of his arm. I have a monster of the same type that launches spore filled blisters at the PCs then manipulates the spores like nanobots to shut down their nervous system. I have a boss of the same type that dual wields blades made out of radioactive crystal that irradiates on contact.

As for PCs? I don't know. We have a homunculus that can create enough fire to light a lantern once per encounter, and the player in charge of this thing used it to kill a black dragon.

[Yukitsu]

Had one character use paper airplanes, would throw himself (like, baseball pitch himself) at enemies as a ranged attack, and once threw a bottle of ethics at an amorphous blob.

[AnswersQuestion]

D&D
Weapon: Improvised maul made of corpses and spit
Context: Group was being swarmed by ghouls when the then huge-sized psion with Craft(Weapon) decided to "mash a bunch of them together and glue them into a mace".
---------------
Exalted
Weapon: the giant's hand
Context: Infernal was held in a grapple with a giant, and used Malfeas Excellency with a 2-die stunt to assume control of the grapple and damage the giant.
"I channel excellency and shove my daiklave through his wrist to brace and open his hand, then I swing the stuck daiklave against his face."
---------------
Exalted
Weapon: Pre-asskicking One-liner
Context: Sidereal with Generalized Ammunition Technique used a 1-die stunt to transform "Not under my watch, scum" into an arrow and shoot it on his target's leg.

[Masaioh]

A war banner, either as some sort of polearm or a greataxe. My group has also come up with the "angry dwarf launcher", which is essentially a halfway point between a crossbow and a ballista.

[Christopher K.]

A canopic jar in D&D Encounters. I smashed it over a boss monster's head after we wound up looting a tomb.

Also, in that same tomb I threw a skull at one of the guardians there.

[Raum]

A fence post, the fence itself (chain link makes a decent net), a nearby boulder, which soon became smaller rocks for throwing, a small tree, and a fire hydrant. (Supers games use the scenery a lot. :) )

[Kalaska'Agathas]

My epic level Master of the Unseen Hand once (actually, twice) used cranes as improvised weapons. Not birds, mind you, but cranes which were used for loading/unloading ships in a shipyard.

[Radar]

Drunk master uses a cloth strip as an imp. weapon in his picture (using chin na to break a bone by locking a joint then forcing it, I assume). (...)

And it looks awesome.

Apart from that, a frying pan is an obvious choice and so are chairs, stool, benches or tables (if you can handle that one). Fancy forks, spoons and other kitchen implements. Toothpicks are often mentioned next to overcompetent assassins.

[Xefas]

A Night-Caste pirate that was in the process of losing a naval engagement. His boat's guns and mast had been damaged, and the Dynast flagship came alongside to board. The Dragonblood captain shouted from across the gap between the two ships, something like "Relinquish your vessel peaceably!", to which the Night Caste replied "You want my ship?" as he activated Strength Increasing Exercise. "Then take it." With an application of Third Athletics Excellency, he proceeded to reach down and pick up the boat he was standing on and club the Dragonblood captain over the head with it, knocking him unconscious. I think there was a moment of stunned silence followed by a Valor check for the opposing forces, who summarily routed.

I think via the Feats of Strength rules, his boat's Improvised Weapon stats were like Speed 5, -3 Accuracy, 40B piercing damage.

[Kife]

The most interested improvised weapon I've ever seen used was my character.

In a nasty encounter with rust monsters and a gorgon I became petrified and the barbarian's great axe was turned into a pile of sparkly brown powder. So what did he do? Pick up my petrified butt and critted the gorgon.

However the GM, in typical fashion, tempered the awesome by ruling that the blow shattered me into a few hundred pieces. However he was cool enough to insist that everyone chip in to return me to normal and then raise me. However the wizard used stone shape to make a copy of me out of marble... just in case Kilgore needed to smash more rust monsters.

[Schylerwalker]

Darkwood rowboat.

Was later enchanted to be throwing and returning. I would put the party's rogue into the rowboat and throw it, so we had a kind of extendable boxing glove effect.

[Jack DeCoeur]

I once read a story online (which I can't for the life of me find now) about a fairly high level party fighting a nasty beasty with a DR/lawful so high that without lawfully aligned weapons they were barely scratching it.

The parties dwarf cleric hadn't prepared any Align Weapon spells that day and they were getting hammered. That is until the Drunken Master has an epiphany.

Druken Master to Cleric: You worship Heironeious, right?
Cleric: Eye, what of if?
Drunken Master: So you alignment would be..?
Cleric: Lawful Good...
Drunken Master (smiling): Well, well. Looks like we've got a lawfully aligned weapon after all.

Proceeds to beat nasty beasty to death with the Cleric using his Improvised Weapon class feature, overcoming it's /Lawful damage reduction with ease.

I wish I could find where this was originally posted, it's a good read.

[Zigg'rrauglurr]

The Pain Train ...

This, this is what NPC nightmares are made of... Excellent idea!!

[arguskos]

This, this is what NPC nightmares are made of... Excellent idea!!

Yeah, a little later on, an escaped member of said cult was confronted by the PCs, and broke down gibbering in fear because one of them mentioned getting a table and smacking him with it. I like to reward PCs for such stunts with in-game references.

[Doomboy911]

The warforged barbarian refuses to believe the druid is are useless they make great throwing weapons.

[Shinizak]

I once killed a spider and wielded the spider as an improvised weapon against a flanked lizard folk who was facing away from me. In game I described it as a lizard folk/ spider turducken, if you don't know what a turducken is then I suggest you look it up and use your imagination. In my defense it attacked me first, and I had thirty minutes to kill while being revived. So I looked up how to shove a spider corpse up a lizard folk's butt.

[Amiel]

You should be able to wield a person humanoid against other creatures.

Likewise with a cow.


A barstool.
A belt (for all the naughty children).
A hedgerow or pot plant.