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Thread: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
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2011-02-13, 01:21 AM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2008
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- Minneapolis
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Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
You could email her? Or just mail her, if need be. Just find some way to communicate her your position, and why you are making your arguments. If she still wants you to wear a dress, there isn't much you can do. If she is fine with you wearing whatever the heck you want, then your mother can't really tell her otherwise, unless she is paying for it.
Do you both have a facebook account? That could help.
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2011-02-13, 01:22 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2010
Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
Well, I don't want to be "that guy," but it's a bit hard to control the stray thoughts that go through my mind. I'm not saying I don't trust him... he's really given me absolutely every reason to trust him (known him for over a year before going out). He's just got a lot more experience than me from both genders, and I guess it makes me a little intimidated, to be honest.
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2011-02-13, 03:52 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Oct 2008
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- Bottom of a well
Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
Eh, people can't help what they think, but they can help what they do. It would hardly be fair to hold concerns against you. Just as long as (if they are unfounded) you keep them in perspective?
Other than that... Sounds like standard new relationship jitters? A partner's experience can be intimidating, but it can also be an excellent and fun resource to take advantage of?
Twelve winds I am so not helping right now. I can feel it in my bones. Apologies.
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2011-02-13, 04:36 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2005
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- South Korea
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Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
Like I said, the holiday had been around for a long time before greeting cards began being mass-produced. The only way the holiday would have been related to making money would be the people buying supplies to make valentines, or perhaps purchasing them from your local handmade card shop. Some printers were making cards fairly early on, but it was still only to satisfy a demand. I'm not trying to deny that the holiday as it is today is more of a money-maker than anything, but the holiday has honest roots regardless.
Last edited by Vaynor; 2011-02-13 at 04:37 AM.
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2011-02-13, 06:25 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2008
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- North
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Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
In regard to the gender/sex debate: Is it accpetable that I use biological genderand mental/
physiologicalpsychological gender to differentinate? Seems a good wya to avoid confusion
Possibly because the word sex is confusing enough when your native language lacks any meaning of it that is forum appropriate.
News to me as well, tuxedos and business suits were the most trendy outifts for a woman to wear over here a few years back. As proven by the fact that I know that.
Sending an E-mail is probably the right thing to do but if you ask me then they're the ones being unreasonable. The idea's been here since 1966 after all, was controversial for less than five years too.Last edited by Mina Kobold; 2011-02-13 at 07:09 AM.
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2011-02-13, 06:45 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
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- Dinosaur Museum aw yisss.
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Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
Ah... Isn't physiology a subset of biology? Do you mean psychological?
Anyway, you can - although I'm not sure what you mean by "biological gender" unless you're just using it instead of sex - but I'm still gonna stick with my definition *shrug*The Iron Avatarist Hall of Fame!
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2011-02-13, 07:08 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2008
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- North
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Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
Last edited by Mina Kobold; 2011-02-13 at 07:09 AM.
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2011-02-13, 07:17 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Sep 2005
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- Australia
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Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
Biological or physical gender would be appropriate to identify when you're using gender to mean the same as the biological/physical sex of a person.
Rather than mental or psychological gender though, you might just want to say 'gender identity' or 'which gender they identify as' (though the first two would be correct).
Remember though, that an unqualified gender could mean physical/biological sex, gender identity or grammatical gender, depending on who is saying it in what context.
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2011-02-13, 07:19 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2010
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- Dublin, Ireland
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Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
@Danne: I think there's definitely a way for everyone to be happy here. The choice for wedding wear isn't tux or fancy gown anymore, there are plenty of formal-wear options these days. I think you should look for a formal trouser-suit, maybe in a gender-neutral (as society sees it) colour that makes it look "prettier" (women usually wear colours to a wedding) but isn't, like, frilly pink or something that's very girly to you. So maybe a nice understated blue trouser suit with a nice white shirt and no tie. If your mother still isn't happy, I say just go ahead and get in touch with the bride. Is your dislike of telephones greater than your dislike of wearing a dress/skirt for a whole day? If not, just go for it. Write down what you're going to say, and the number, on a sheet of paper. That way, you won't forget anything, especially if you have to leave a message. Tell the bride you don't like dresses, but you want to look nice for the wedding, and describe what trouser-based option you're thinking of wearing instead. Say you hope she doesn't mind you wearing that instead of a dress, and that you're looking forward to seeing her, or something else friendly.
It's not such a weird thing to dislike dresses these days. I have a cisfemale friend, who is straight, and pretty, wears her hair long, and just really doesn't like dresses. I've seen her in a dress once. It was for Hallowe'en, and she was wearing her jeans underneath it. She wears neat black trousers and nice shirts to formal occasions (there's another option for you!).
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2011-02-13, 07:22 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2009
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- Gothenburg, Sweden
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Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
Last edited by Asta Kask; 2011-02-13 at 07:23 AM.
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2011-02-13, 07:24 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Jun 2006
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- Dinosaur Museum aw yisss.
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Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
That would be "gendered", I believe.
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2011-02-13, 07:28 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2009
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- Gothenburg, Sweden
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2011-02-13, 07:34 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Sep 2008
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- Naples, Italy
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Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
At most of the weddings I partecipated, it was actually implicitly forbidden to wear too fancy a dress/tux, because that would have detracted attention from the bride/groom. (I do not actually endorse this line of reasoning either.)
I think that, unless you have a very, very conservative family, you wearing something other than a dress will most likely pass unobserved, rather than cause the wedding to be ruined forever.
(It must be noted that I am somewhat defiant of social conventions.)Last edited by Anethiel; 2011-02-13 at 07:42 AM.
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2011-02-13, 07:35 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
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- Dinosaur Museum aw yisss.
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2011-02-13, 07:40 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Sep 2005
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- Australia
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Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
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2011-02-13, 07:51 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2008
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Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
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2011-02-13, 08:28 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2009
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- Gothenburg, Sweden
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Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
My Webster's has 1. SEX. 2. any two or more classes of words (as nouns or pronouns) or of forms of words (as adjectives) that are usually partly based on sex and that determine agreement with other words of grammatical forms.
Gendered does not appear.
IIRC, the grammatical meaning was the only one until the 1920's when the word was used by someone-or-other to denote the cultural aspects of what was until then lumped together as sex. Since then, the 'secondary' meaning has taken over and is now the primary. So goes the world.Last edited by Asta Kask; 2011-02-13 at 08:31 AM.
Avatar by CoffeeIncluded
Oooh, and that's a bad miss.
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2011-02-13, 09:40 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2010
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- Usaki City, Syona
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Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
I don't know if I mentioned that I had a little brother since October.
It's gotten to the point where I flinch every time someone refers to me as a big brother.
...there's not really anything anyone can do about this, so... i'm gonna call this a rant.[/rant]Recent Homebrew: The Socialite | The Crystalline: Memory Altering Construct Race | Sanguine Hand, a ToB Discipline of blood and cruelty
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2011-02-13, 09:55 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
Aren't you a big sister?
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2011-02-13, 09:56 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
That's her point.
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2011-02-13, 09:59 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2009
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- Gothenburg, Sweden
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Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
Oh, I thought it was because someone was stealing all the attention.
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2011-02-13, 10:21 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2010
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- Usaki City, Syona
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Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
Recent Homebrew: The Socialite | The Crystalline: Memory Altering Construct Race | Sanguine Hand, a ToB Discipline of blood and cruelty
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2011-02-13, 10:30 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2008
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Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
Last edited by Mina Kobold; 2011-02-13 at 10:31 AM.
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2011-02-13, 10:32 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2009
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- Gothenburg, Sweden
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Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
Because she doesn't want to out herself to everyone just yet? Call her what? "Big sibling"?
No, this is a problem with no easy solution.Avatar by CoffeeIncluded
Oooh, and that's a bad miss.
“Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.”
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2011-02-13, 10:48 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2008
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- North
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Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
That's what I get for making assumptions. ^_^'
I don't usually support lying but why not say you're not quite over the shock of getting a sibling, Lix?
Lot's of people seem to be uncomfortable with being called sibling/parent/uncle/aunt/other for a while after they become so.
EDIT: Also considering joining the Harem, looks like fun. ^_^Last edited by Mina Kobold; 2011-02-13 at 10:48 AM.
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2011-02-13, 11:14 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
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- Usaki City, Syona
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Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
I don't mind so much if it's in public, cause they can't really say anything else without outing me. It's just when we're at home, I'd really prefer it.
My mum knows it bugs me, though I don't think she knows how much. She said she doesn't want to confuse him or something. I think it more likely she doesn't want to think about it...
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2011-02-13, 11:45 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Apr 2010
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- Connecticut
Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
*blink* How old is this child? Because when you said you're a new big sister since October, I assume the child was born then, which would make him, what, four or five months old now? In which case, since my impression is you're hoping to get SRS (yes?) by the time he's old enough to understand what a big brother/sister is, "big brother" could no longer apply in a literal sense.
Anyway, kids are smart. Sounds like she's just in denial. Any idea on how to work on that?
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2011-02-13, 11:51 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
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- Usaki City, Syona
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Thanks to all my avatar artists, especially to Paisley for my avatar of Vivian, cowardly cryophoenix.
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2011-02-13, 11:56 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2010
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- Connecticut
Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
Well, I'm hardly one to offer advice about relationships, but I find that writing down what I want to say beforehand, sitting the person down in during a calm moment, and having a conversation (that's important, it has to be two ways) can be a big help when someone is doing something that bothers me. Use "I-statements." They're lame but they work.
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2011-02-13, 12:00 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
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- Dublin, Ireland
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Re: LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
Wow, I had a head-hurting moment there. I just think of you as a girl!
The biggest problem seems to be your mom calling you a big brother to the baby. Maybe you should substitute a nickname? A baby-talk version of your real name or something. Call yourself that to the baby all the time and hope it catches on with him (when he starts talking) and your mom!
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