1001 Bad Plot Hooks

[Halae]

We've all seen them - A GM throw an utter cliche at you, and your only way to respond is to play his pathetic excuse for an adventure and hope it's better next time. Post the ones you've seen and the ones you come up with here!

I'll start us off

1. Ghoul punk rockers have decided Otyughs are punk rock. Save the otyughs from death by safety pin.

2. See that dwarf? Shave em. Don't forget the back.

3. Acquire and wear a meat suit.

4. Cloud giant bodybuilders plundered the countryside of oil and fake tanner. Get em to stop.

5. Death metal bands have shown up from the plane of Scandinavia, and are trying to prove how metal they are by destroying the universe. Summon an overdemon that can beat them at their own game, or just remind them of the fact that their probably bards.

6. Steal the king's family jewels.

7. A necromancer is understandably freaked out when one of his zombie's starts saying "mnrrrrr kidney... KIDNEY". Find out what the hell is going on.

8. Two ancient lords of elemental fire and elemental ice, brothers no less, are having a tussle. Only mother nature can put a stop to it.

9. A bard has come back from the dead and brought a horde of dancing zombies.

10. Get some food from the grocery-store dungeon.

11. The greatest kobold army ever assembled has begun their campaign of evil against a small hamlet. Keep the kobolds from being murdered by the soon to be irate commoners.

12. Find an end to the "Do fighters suck" threads. Warning: epic quest here.

[Tyndmyr]

An evil lich is hatching an evil plot that threatens to undo all of existance itself. if he's not stopped before the festival of the new moon, we'll all be damned to oblivion. Legend has long foretold that this day would come, and that a brave, bold, and small band of adventurers will rise up against all odds to defeat him.

And THESE stalwart souls who would face hell itself...have very, very dirty laundry. And that laundry isn't going to wash itself. Get to it, boys.

[Callos_DeTerran]

1. Ghoul punk rockers have decided Otyughs are punk rock. Save the otyughs from death by safety pin.

4. Cloud giant bodybuilders plundered the countryside of oil and fake tanner. Get em to stop.

5. Death metal bands have shown up from the plane of Scandinavia, and are trying to prove how metal they are by destroying the universe. Summon an overdemon that can beat them at their own game, or just remind them of the fact that their probably bards.

6. Steal the king's family jewels.

7. A necromancer is understandably freaked out when one of his zombie's starts saying "mnrrrrr kidney... KIDNEY". Find out what the hell is going on.

9. A bard has come back from the dead and brought a horde of dancing zombies.

I'm sorry, but these frankly sound awesome.

[Grendus]

An evil lich is hatching an evil plot that threatens to undo all of existance itself. if he's not stopped before the festival of the new moon, we'll all be damned to oblivion. Legend has long foretold that this day would come, and that a brave, bold, and small band of adventurers will rise up against all odds to defeat him.

And THESE stalwart souls who would face hell itself...have very, very dirty laundry. And that laundry isn't going to wash itself. Get to it, boys.

I love the idea that the players are the side heroes, to be honest. Doubly so if the DM can set it up so the PC's do the real hero work and the DMPC's get the credit. Only works if the DMPC's are either actually good enough and just stupid or the entire party is paladin-type aligned enough not to sabotage the DMPC's though.

Worst one I've seen, set up by yours truly no less, was "you fell asleep in a temple, and when you woke up the doors were locked. But hey look, there's a dungeon underneath". Yea...

[Kalaska'Agathas]

14. An Ork with pink hair styled in a barbarian's mohican wielding arcane energies, an elf with glowing devices on his person and extensive tattoos, a half-troll half-construct wielding a katana, and a dwarf with some sort of metal spider construct mount have attacked a small fort in the barrens outside a major city - which you have been hired by a shadowy person called Johannsen to defend.

Edit: Numbering.

[nihil8r]

how are any of these bad?

[Kalaska'Agathas]

how are any of these bad?

I'm not sure.

[Randel]

1. A wave of crimes have been commited across the city, the pattern being that they were all commited by bands of naive but heavily armed homeless people who did it "Cuz some old guy in the bar told us to.". Your job is to find the old man responsible for this and bring him to justice.

2. Starving commoners keep eating the zombies belonging to a local necromancer. Those are his retirement zombies! Help this poor man protect his investment from zombie eating peoples.

3. An animated hook is plotting something.

4. One day all the monsters just... vanish. No more orc attacks, no more kobolds digging tunnels, just complete peace. Adventurers search the dungeons and quickly clear out all the treasure and all the world-threatening villains just stop. What do you do now?

5. You are merchants who have to pay off your student loans really quick and the world is in peril with a huge reward to whoever finds the seven Golden McGuffins. Quickly find out where these things are so you can set up shops on the way to them and charge adventurers grossly overpriced services.

6. Someone piled a whole ton of rocks and garbage in front of the entrace to the Tomb of Horrors and its almost adventuring season.

7. The evils in the sealed can haven't been let out in over a decade and are in desperate need of a bath and hot meal.

[TurtleKing]

Randel your fourth and fifth plot hook actually sound kind of awesome.

[Kris Strife]

14. An Ork with pink hair styled in a barbarian's mohican wielding arcane energies, an elf with glowing devices on his person and extensive tattoos, a half-troll half-construct wielding a katana, and a dwarf with some sort of metal spider construct mount have attacked a small fort in the barrens outside a major city - which you have been hired by a shadowy person called Johannsen to defend.

Edit: Numbering.

Is this based on something?

[Arbane]

Rescue a dragon from a beautiful princess. (I've actually thought about using this one in Exalted. But I couldn't think of a good reason a devout Immaculate like Mnemon would try to victimize an Elemental Dragon...)

[Arbane]

Is this based on something?

Pretty sure the enemy adventurers are a party from Shadowrun, where the generic name for a mission-giver is "Mr. Johnson".

[Crossblade]

Rescue a dragon from a beautiful princess.

That's not all of it!

Save a dragon locked in a tavern that was kidnapped from the palace by a darkly robed, mysterious old man, who's secretly being controlled by a princess who's lurking in a cave.

[Randel]

You must save your favorite tavern from a beautiful princess. She wants it torn down so she use the dungeon of infinite gold under it to build a tower to lock herself inside of forever. Unfortunatly she's forced a wise old man to do her dirty work on account of how she trapped his favorite dragon in a cursed forest and has president guarding it!

Are you good enough dudes to save the old mans dragon from the president? Can you wade through all those annoying mountains of gold and jewels to find the traps you need to keep your tavern safe? Will anyone be able to stop the princess from locking herself in a tower all day and get her to rule the country like she's supposed to (that poor Dark Lord can't handle all that rulership forever you know)?

Help the orcs beat the elves in a dance-off!
Stop the necromancer dwarves from brewing restless spirits!

Oh, and while you're at it get the Bard in your party to write up a legend about the McGuffins the town blacksmith hasn't built yet. Its gotta be ancient to attract enough people to keep the princess busy but don't get too much of the world-threatening stuff because those legends have been scaring the halflings.

[Halae]

how are any of these bad?

In general? Most sane GMs wouldn't include them in a game without running a joke campaign. Maybe I should have entitled it '1001 Silly Plot Hooks' instead...

anyways, another contribution, with making sure to maintain proper numbers

28. "YOU ARE THY DUNGEONMAN. Ye find yeself in yon dungeon. Ye see a SCROLL. Behind ye scroll is a FLASK. Obvious exits are NORTH, SOUTH and DENNIS."

And if a PC tries to get yon FLASK: "Ye cannot get yon FLASK." And they have no idea why. Because you're certainly not going to tell them.

29. You fall unconsious drunk (without actually even willingly going to a bar, to which the DM attributes to a magical compulsion that you didn't even get a save for, to which the DM asks you to shut the hell up) and wake up in an underground dungeon without even the faintest sign of a hangover.

30. The PCs get drunk and are attacked by "pink kobolds" only they can see.

31. The Monastic Order of the Ghoul Paladin seeks students and/or janitors and/or cafeteria workers.

32. A female sexual predator is on the loose. Find the brassierre of binding and use it.

[Combat Reflexes]

33. find Chuck Norris.

[potatocubed]

34. An epic-level rogue has hidden the world. You have to level up in a vacuum (literally?) until your Spot is high enough to find somewhere to stand.

[Athaniar]

35. Deliver a pizza to Orcus without the other demons eating it and/or you first. Do it in 30 minutes or less or he gets it for free! That will show on your paycheck.

36. A mighty spellcaster has a magic item of great power than can severely damage his enemies with just a touch, and it bypasses all spell resistance. I think he calls it a "sword". Yeah, go get it for me, won't you?

37. You must teach confused low-level adventurers how to best spend their skill points.

38. An incredibly powerful and evil monster of legend is terrorizing the kingdom. The king wants you to paint a portrait of it, because it would look awesome on the wall next to his throne.

39. A very persuasive and morally ambiguous kid wants you to get Vecna's autograph for him.

40. Several citizens have gone missing in a strange dimension. Go investigate.

41. A speaker at the local forum has asked the people to come up with concepts for less-than-serious adventures. He has 41 so far, think of some more!

[Sir Dar]

42:Long ago in the lands of cookie earth.Great cookies of power were forge. 3 were given to the elven kings under the sky,7 for the dwarf lords in their halls of stone,which are full of ale,9 for mortal men doom to die.

In the dark lands of mount cookiedor, the dark baker forge in secret a master cookie,in to this cookie he pour his kindness,his likeness of baking cookies and his will to rule over all of cookie earth.
One by one the lands of cookie earth fell to power of the great cookie.But their were some who resisted, a last alliance of men and elves fought for the freedom of cookie earth in the lands of mouth cookiedor!
Victory was near but the power of the great cookie could not be undone.
It was in this moment when all hope had faded.
[dark baker enters and starts slaying random no names.]
That Cookiedur took up his father's sword.
[Cookiedur wins a battle vs the dark baker.]
The enemy of the free people of cookie earth had been slayed.
Cookiedur had this one chance to end the power of the dark baker for ever but the hearts of men are weak.
Cookiedur was slayed on his way back home.
The great cookie was lost for thousand years.

Now the dark baker has raised once again to find that which was his in age past.
Now you as lesser bakers of the dark baker must bake cookieorcs for the dark baker's armies.Will you be able to bake the cookieorcs with out eating any?

43:A wizard trying to clean the world of evil,is readying a army of a new race he made to destroy all evil but has lost the keys to his giant wizard tower!
His seeing stone to spy on the evil things is still inside.
He needs you to find his keys for the greater good!
Don't worry the wizard will do nothing at all to help you, while he watches his favorite show on the magic tv orb.

44:One day a wizard had two much ale and lost his magic wizard hat.
The hat landed on a snowman, which made him come to life that day.
The bad news is the snowman is evil and is trying to make it snow all year round!You must defeat this snowman and then return the wizard's hat.

45:The evil lich has return with a horde of dancing skeletons with top hats and canes,singing a evil song of doom.Can you beat him in a contest of singing and dancing before he takes over the world!?The judges for this contest will be a zombie who hates everything,some random human and a drow sorceress.

[Gaius Marius]

- A lizardfolk woman tries to seduce one of the PC in order to get ennough money to pay off her pi..

wait, you said plot hook? I understood a Bad Plot Hooker.

Nevermind...

[Sims]

Has anyone tried that "Animal Companion is a Lycanthrope in disguise" trick? I remember the first time how odd and unreal it was for a number of reasons.

Then there was the Half Sea Hag, Half Succubus we fought. What a mess that was since we were missing our tanks.

What else....ah yes, the ole' Pirate Fleet invades coastal town saga. My DM almost kicked me out since I was playing a Chaotic Good Astral Deva, and flew out there by myself.

Ooh! OH! The Half-Dragon Minotaur General!!!!!

*Ramblings are both true, irrelevent, and to sound crazy. >:P*

[Chauncymancer]

how are any of these bad?

BC many of them are stolen from movies or TV shows. Not inspired by, directly stolen from the show in question.

[DeadManSleeping]

So far, nothing has been listed here that wouldn't fit just fine in Kingdom of Loathing.

[Athaniar]

51. Someone is replacing the element of Water with the element of Coca Cola. Will you stop the evil scheme or help it?

52. The plot is repeating itself! What can be behind it? An evil wizard? A dark god of time? An unimaginative omniscient puppet master?

53. The plot is repeating itself... hey!

54. The DM has decided to introduce you to FATAL. It's book burning time!

55. Fight the delicious flying hamburgers in the land of pizza. Or order some food for the DM, he's starving.

56. An evil ring has to be destroyed in the volcano it was created, deep in enemy territory, but nine undead riders have been sent to intercept you. Tell the DM to get some original ideas.

57. An awesome and original adventure awaits you when a powerful dark lord threatens the world with his unholy magic, and our heroes must gather all magic artifacts to defeat him and his elemental horde in his mithril citadel on the tallest mountain of the Elemental Chaos. Tell the DM this game is supposed to be a realistic WW2 game.

[randomhero00]

You all wake up naked, and in a bed together. You're a bit sore. You have no memory of last night....the guards are banging on the inn door claiming damages to property.

[Cartigan]

A group of highwaymen are being deprived of their way of life by some farmers who suddenly seem more highly organized. They are willing to pay you handsomely to investigate and put down the farmer revolt.

[Tyrmatt]

A necromancer and his undead hordes move in on a town that's home to a local druid and his cadre of ents and the two begin a war that will only end when only one remains, no matter the cost of the townspeople.

[Kalaska'Agathas]

Pretty sure the enemy adventurers are a party from Shadowrun, where the generic name for a mission-giver is "Mr. Johnson".

Have a cookie.

61. You are a pretty princess. Your adventurer boyfriend has been captured by an evil wizard. You must rescue him.

62. You are a pretty princess. Your plumber boyfriend has been captured by an evil Dragon/Turtle thing. You must rescue him.

63. Your party wakes up, each wearing the clothes and equipment of the adventurer to their left. 4d4 Rabid Badgers attack.

64. Your party has met an old man walking by you on the road, and foolishly insulted him. 6d4 Dire Bears attack.

65. After a ten year campaign, your army has finally defeated the city of Tpou. You now must struggle to find your way home before your wife gets married off to some schlub.

66. You are members of a small gang with territory on an island in the outskirts of a large, gang riddled city. You and all the other gangs have been called by the leader of the largest gang to a meet in the center of the city. As you arrive, another ganger murders the leader of said largest gang, and pins the blame on you and your compatriots. You must now fight your way past all the gangs to get back to your island.

Edit: Numbering

[Kallisti]

Stop the necromancer dwarves from brewing restless spirits!

You should be ashamed. And I should be ashamed for wanting to steal this.

[Ravens_cry]

I know where 65 comes from and that is an awesome idea for a campaign.