Habits that kill fun in a session.

[The Random NPC]

GMs that make you fight for the most insignificant things during character creation.

I had a GM like this once, he wouldn't let me research a custom spell to make beakers of colored water look like it was boiling. His reason was a permanent until discharged spell was completly broken no matter that there was no benifit other then said beaker looking like it was boiling. I even put into teh spell phrases like "can't do anything but make it look like it is boiling. You can't use it to burn anything cause it is ambiant temperature, can't use it as a bottle of air, nothing." This was for a wizard that put almost all of his gold into pimping out his cart. I had spent twice the cost of a cart so i could turn it into a fold out stage/living quarters type thing, and strung up 2 or 3 spell component pouches. All I wanted was a few bottles of everbubbling technicolored water.

[Seb Wiers]

I wish I had the guts to boot him, I really do.

Do it. Is he your friend in any way? If not, and he's not fun to game with, why spend any time around him?
Your scared of him physically? If he threatens you, call the police. If he touches you, call the police. If you see him on your property after you;ve told him to leave and not come back, call the police.
If he actually hurts you or damages your property, call the police AND sue him in civil court.
Standing up for yourself in a situation (and not backing down later) like this will be the best thing you've ever done. Worst case scenarios, whats a few bruises and broken personal possessions compared to the ongoing harm to your self esteem? He's got a LOT more to loose (as in, gaining a police record) than you do.

[Otherworld Odd]

"How much HP does he have left?"



-____-;....


Late players, showing up to play and we don't start until a couple hours in for random reasons, people buying equipment during play, people who decide they don't need ANYTHING besides weapons and armor, etc.

Edit: Also, the guy who decides he doesn't need to do any of his homework until our DnD session.

Firstly:

I absolutly loath the guy that doesn't pay attention. Paying attention is the most minimal thing you have to do to be part of an RPG...

...And their not even doing it.

Secondly:

The guy with the mind set of "We're heroes we need a 9 million point buy for stats, because we're the heroes not just regular people."

Sadly, though this is usually the same guy that thinks they are always supposed to win at everything. Gods ofrbid you, as a GM, put him in a situation that he has to roll someting higher than a 4 to succeed at. This is also the one person at the table that either gets mad or mopes when something negative happens to their character, then makes the whole table listen to how unfair it is. (from my experiance the action that triggerd the negative thing is usually at the fault of that person.

CAN I GET AN AMEN BROTHERS AND SISTERS!

EDIT: I figured I could condensce this down a bit...

...Poeple that want you, as GM, to narrate the story of their awesomeness, and have them make attack rolls.

What about the DM that decides that all your characters need to be awesome and they give you ridiculous stat rolling methods, etc? Same thing in my opinion. x_x.

tl;dr Amen.

[Iceforge]

Spoiler

Show

"Why and how did these kobold sheep-thieves construct a 10' x 10' solid steel plate, resetting pit trap on the other side of a 5' wide passage, in an abandoned lead mine?"

Hehe, reminds me of something I encountered as a player once, where the DM really fooled us good.

We was fighting these kobolds in a dungeon which was their lair, a kind of underground castle kind of complex, pretty massive, and lot of it was abandoned and hadn't been used for a while, while some areas was still in regular use and heavily guarded.

As we explorered some hallways and hadn't encountered anything for a while, we found a huge barred door with lots of signs in a non-common tongue, fortunately some of us spoke Draconic and we found out it was signs of warning "keep out", "no access allowed" "no one is allowed to enter" and so on, so surely, we had to break down this door and get inside.

It was covered in dust, so had clearly not been used for a while, so it was not barred up as a response to us coming there.

Beyond the barred door was a massive hall with a bridge over a deep chasm and the hall continued on the other side further than we could see with our lights. Just inside was the skeletons of a few kobolds shattered around on the floor, clearly having been dead for centuries, but we didn't think much of that.

That room.... traps everywhere, pressure plates, trip wires, arrows, pit-traps, blades swinging down from the ceiling, spikes appearing from small holes in the floor, all kinds of insane traps, the room was packed with them to an absurd degree.

We struggled for every inch we advanced into the room, having to use significant healing resources to keep going, but the harder it became, the more determined we became to get to the end of this place and get what we imagined to be an increasingly bigger reward, as the more traps we found, the more valueable whatever they guarded had to be, but in the end, we came to like a dust covered construction site with lots of woods, piles of arrows, iron spikes and other objects used for constructing traps and a small workspace, much like an office, and found a journal, also in draconic, but nothing of real value at all; we were flabbergasted.

Later research of the journal revealed one of the kobolds in the past had gone mad with trap building, finding that the company of others and their passions was meaningless compared to the ever lasting value of complex mechanical traps and their beauty, so he had devouted his life to building that trapped hall, not to store or safeguard anything, but just to build beautiful traps, clearly the other kobolds had ended up sealing off the room after a few of them had died inside, just so none of them would end up venturing in there and getting hurt again in the traps of this insane individual, and had put warnings up for other kobolds (hence writing those warnings in draconic and not in common)

[dsmiles]

Spoiler

Show

Hehe, reminds me of something I encountered as a player once, where the DM really fooled us good.

We was fighting these kobolds in a dungeon which was their lair, a kind of underground castle kind of complex, pretty massive, and lot of it was abandoned and hadn't been used for a while, while some areas was still in regular use and heavily guarded.

As we explorered some hallways and hadn't encountered anything for a while, we found a huge barred door with lots of signs in a non-common tongue, fortunately some of us spoke Draconic and we found out it was signs of warning "keep out", "no access allowed" "no one is allowed to enter" and so on, so surely, we had to break down this door and get inside.

It was covered in dust, so had clearly not been used for a while, so it was not barred up as a response to us coming there.

Beyond the barred door was a massive hall with a bridge over a deep chasm and the hall continued on the other side further than we could see with our lights. Just inside was the skeletons of a few kobolds shattered around on the floor, clearly having been dead for centuries, but we didn't think much of that.

That room.... traps everywhere, pressure plates, trip wires, arrows, pit-traps, blades swinging down from the ceiling, spikes appearing from small holes in the floor, all kinds of insane traps, the room was packed with them to an absurd degree.

We struggled for every inch we advanced into the room, having to use significant healing resources to keep going, but the harder it became, the more determined we became to get to the end of this place and get what we imagined to be an increasingly bigger reward, as the more traps we found, the more valueable whatever they guarded had to be, but in the end, we came to like a dust covered construction site with lots of woods, piles of arrows, iron spikes and other objects used for constructing traps and a small workspace, much like an office, and found a journal, also in draconic, but nothing of real value at all; we were flabbergasted.

Later research of the journal revealed one of the kobolds in the past had gone mad with trap building, finding that the company of others and their passions was meaningless compared to the ever lasting value of complex mechanical traps and their beauty, so he had devouted his life to building that trapped hall, not to store or safeguard anything, but just to build beautiful traps, clearly the other kobolds had ended up sealing off the room after a few of them had died inside, just so none of them would end up venturing in there and getting hurt again in the traps of this insane individual, and had put warnings up for other kobolds (hence writing those warnings in draconic and not in common)

I am so stealing that.

[Traab]

Do you get experience for bypassing traps and such?

[big teej]

Do you get experience for bypassing traps and such?

not if you bypass them with your face......

[ryu]

What if I bypass with someone else's face?

[navar100]

If I faced the traps I deserve the XP!

[Honest Tiefling]

Just walk backwards so you bypass them with your rear end, not your face. Better yet, convince the half orc barbarian to do this.

[Shadowknight12]

Nobody takes Disable Device any more...

[Honest Tiefling]

Why take the skill when the result is less fun? Well, for you anyway. I wonder if convincing someone to commit suicide, I mean, brave dangers heroically gets you extra EXP...

[Shadowknight12]

Why take the skill when the result is less fun? Well, for you anyway. I wonder if convincing someone to commit suicide, I mean, brave dangers heroically gets you extra EXP...

You don't take Disable Device to disable traps. You take it to bypass traps safely while keeping them functional, so that you can later lure enemies to their doom.

And laugh.

[Archwizard]

Spoiler

Show

Hehe, reminds me of something I encountered as a player once, where the DM really fooled us good.

We was fighting these kobolds in a dungeon which was their lair, a kind of underground castle kind of complex, pretty massive, and lot of it was abandoned and hadn't been used for a while, while some areas was still in regular use and heavily guarded.

As we explorered some hallways and hadn't encountered anything for a while, we found a huge barred door with lots of signs in a non-common tongue, fortunately some of us spoke Draconic and we found out it was signs of warning "keep out", "no access allowed" "no one is allowed to enter" and so on, so surely, we had to break down this door and get inside.

It was covered in dust, so had clearly not been used for a while, so it was not barred up as a response to us coming there.

Beyond the barred door was a massive hall with a bridge over a deep chasm and the hall continued on the other side further than we could see with our lights. Just inside was the skeletons of a few kobolds shattered around on the floor, clearly having been dead for centuries, but we didn't think much of that.

That room.... traps everywhere, pressure plates, trip wires, arrows, pit-traps, blades swinging down from the ceiling, spikes appearing from small holes in the floor, all kinds of insane traps, the room was packed with them to an absurd degree.

We struggled for every inch we advanced into the room, having to use significant healing resources to keep going, but the harder it became, the more determined we became to get to the end of this place and get what we imagined to be an increasingly bigger reward, as the more traps we found, the more valueable whatever they guarded had to be, but in the end, we came to like a dust covered construction site with lots of woods, piles of arrows, iron spikes and other objects used for constructing traps and a small workspace, much like an office, and found a journal, also in draconic, but nothing of real value at all; we were flabbergasted.

Later research of the journal revealed one of the kobolds in the past had gone mad with trap building, finding that the company of others and their passions was meaningless compared to the ever lasting value of complex mechanical traps and their beauty, so he had devouted his life to building that trapped hall, not to store or safeguard anything, but just to build beautiful traps, clearly the other kobolds had ended up sealing off the room after a few of them had died inside, just so none of them would end up venturing in there and getting hurt again in the traps of this insane individual, and had put warnings up for other kobolds (hence writing those warnings in draconic and not in common)

That is seriously awesome. And yeah, you definitely should have gotten xp depending on how you navigated the room.

[ScionoftheVoid]

There...there are no words.

And the DM just allowed this?

That's akin to saying "Hey guys, I'm totally fine with the next 20 sessions revolving around petty infights, kay?"

AUGH

Sorry, but his character just abused the sacrifice rules (in BoVD) to get a Wish at level 3 and I used up all my patience allowing him a Wis check to say "25,000gp" instead of "2,500gp" (as he originally did). He knows he's in an Evil party which is perfectly willing to start infighting for even insignificant reasons. He then plans to take more than half of this wealth for himself (not leaving enough to repay the four other contributers, two of which he just outright took money from without asking) and proceeds to let someone else carry it because he didn't think to prepare Tenser's Floating Disk and didn't want to sit for nine hours to prepare it. He's built himself in such a way as to leave his Spot and Listen checks abysmal, and then acts surprised when the person carry his loot loses him and goes shopping himself.

Every session is on the knife's edge of breaking into squabbling anyway, and his character's plots only make it worse - one of the characters wants to get on with the tasks they've already accepted and not go gallivanting off on a risky operation which very nearly went wrong; and one of them can be expected to maximise his own gains at any cost, which causes abrasive relations with the party whenever a reward is liquid for any length of time. He's the only one strong enough to carry large amounts of gold and noone has a Bag of Holding or the like (no thanks to a certain project which took up the slightly inflated WBL of five characters) and noone has ranks in Spot for if he decides to slip off into a crowd, either.

Sorry, but if he wanted to do something same the party already has several tasks they've been judged as capable of that they haven't finished yet. As it is, he went for an elaborate project which left him struggling to find a reward that could be shared enough that the party wouldn't kill him for taking their money but could be hoarded enough that he still had an unfair advantage. As it is, it just left the casters without money (except for all the scrolls he'd bought beforehand with his own money, an option the melees didn't have even before he took their funds and which he took from the other caster with said caster's capital) and the melee guys getting a rather significant boost (one far more significant than the others, but that particular character is minmaxed so that he deals damage, but has no other talents - being low on defenses and completely useless for utility he spent the money on... more damage. I'm not worried, honestly).

Really, the whole plan was an awful, awful idea in the first place. If he hadn't wanted conflict with the party, he shouldn't have insisted on carrying this plan out. In any case, party relations are now even more unstable than usual, which might inspire some actual roleplay for once. Better, it could happen while the party completes some of the tasks they've not yet bothered to complete. Three quests, guys, if you didn't think they were interesting then you should tell me so I can give more. If you did think they were interesting, maybe you should do them instead of carrying out a plan the DM has expressed is incredibly stupid numerous times throughout its planning and exectuion.

Sorry about that, but I thought I'd provide some context.

And though I bear you no ill-will, giantmudkip:

Completely Ignores the DM's Advice Guy

This plan is stupid, and the DM has told you so. Lots, in fact. He has scoffed throughout its planning, and has suggested that it would probably be better to do something else. Anything else. Even if it works, he assures you that doing an established quest or sidequest (or even searching out a new one) would be a better idea. You know better, and insist on executing this plan. You shall do it flawlessly. Except for that bit that just went wrong. Um, and that bit. Crap, you didn't think of that, why weren't you told this wasn't going to go well?!

[Grendus]

Spoiler

Show

Sorry, but his character just abused the sacrifice rules (in BoVD) to get a Wish at level 3 and I used up all my patience allowing him a Wis check to say "25,000gp" instead of "2,500gp" (as he originally did). He knows he's in an Evil party which is perfectly willing to start infighting for even insignificant reasons. He then plans to take more than half of this wealth for himself (not leaving enough to repay the four other contributers, two of which he just outright took money from without asking) and proceeds to let someone else carry it because he didn't think to prepare Tenser's Floating Disk and didn't want to sit for nine hours to prepare it. He's built himself in such a way as to leave his Spot and Listen checks abysmal, and then acts surprised when the person carry his loot loses him and goes shopping himself.

Every session is on the knife's edge of breaking into squabbling anyway, and his character's plots only make it worse - one of the characters wants to get on with the tasks they've already accepted and not go gallivanting off on a risky operation which very nearly went wrong; and one of them can be expected to maximise his own gains at any cost, which causes abrasive relations with the party whenever a reward is liquid for any length of time. He's the only one strong enough to carry large amounts of gold and noone has a Bag of Holding or the like (no thanks to a certain project which took up the slightly inflated WBL of five characters) and noone has ranks in Spot for if he decides to slip off into a crowd, either.

Sorry, but if he wanted to do something same the party already has several tasks they've been judged as capable of that they haven't finished yet. As it is, he went for an elaborate project which left him struggling to find a reward that could be shared enough that the party wouldn't kill him for taking their money but could be hoarded enough that he still had an unfair advantage. As it is, it just left the casters without money (except for all the scrolls he'd bought beforehand with his own money, an option the melees didn't have even before he took their funds and which he took from the other caster with said caster's capital) and the melee guys getting a rather significant boost (one far more significant than the others, but that particular character is minmaxed so that he deals damage, but has no other talents - being low on defenses and completely useless for utility he spent the money on... more damage. I'm not worried, honestly).

Really, the whole plan was an awful, awful idea in the first place. If he hadn't wanted conflict with the party, he shouldn't have insisted on carrying this plan out. In any case, party relations are now even more unstable than usual, which might inspire some actual roleplay for once. Better, it could happen while the party completes some of the tasks they've not yet bothered to complete. Three quests, guys, if you didn't think they were interesting then you should tell me so I can give more. If you did think they were interesting, maybe you should do them instead of carrying out a plan the DM has expressed is incredibly stupid numerous times throughout its planning and exectuion.

Sorry about that, but I thought I'd provide some context.

And though I bear you no ill-will, giantmudkip:

Completely Ignores the DM's Advice Guy

This plan is stupid, and the DM has told you so. Lots, in fact. He has scoffed throughout its planning, and has suggested that it would probably be better to do something else. Anything else. Even if it works, he assures you that doing an established quest or sidequest (or even searching out a new one) would be a better idea. You know better, and insist on executing this plan. You shall do it flawlessly. Except for that bit that just went wrong. Um, and that bit. Crap, you didn't think of that, why weren't you told this wasn't going to go well?!

Oh, I remember that thread. Heh, I even statted out how to do it, albeit at level 5. Crazy stuff man.

[ScionoftheVoid]

Oh, I remember that thread. Heh, I even statted out how to do it, albeit at level 5. Crazy stuff man.

Do you have a link? I was probably linked to it at some point, but I'm fairly sure I didn't read a thread on the subject. Also, it would probably have worked better at level five. Slightly less reward compared to basically the same risk but you could afford a Bag of Holding for the gold and wouldn't need to take so long due to increased bonuses (giving less opportunity for discovery). In any case, I'm rather glad the Wish option is once per performing character.

[Grendus]

I don't have it right in front of me, but it went something like this:

Start with a race that gets a bonus to int (I used Gray Elf, though Lesser Tiefling works as well), advance it to venerable, put your level 4 stat boost into int, and cast Foxes Cunning before the sacrifice. Assuming you started with 18 in int, that's 28 total for a +9 modifier to Knowledge checks. Maxed ranks gets you another +8, and you can get Masterwork Knowledge (Religion) tools (PHB, call them religious tomes) for an additional +2. Take Skill Focus (Knowledge [Religion]) for another + 3. That's +24 at level 5 without even a stretch, only requires that Knowledge (Religion) be a class skill.

Let's assume you're an archivist, which is probably the best class to do this with. Lore Mastery, which you get at level 2, would let you have another +2. Divine Insight, a level 2 Cleric spell, grants you +10 to the Knowledge check. Total so far is +34, which isn't bad but isn't really that good either. But we haven't started stacking sacrifice modifiers yet.

You get a +1 for a ceremony lasting an hour, which is easy enough if you have privacy. Since you have privacy, an altar is easy as well for an additional +2. Desecrate is a second level spell, which you have, so that's another +1. Presuming you can round up some followers, that's another +1. Detect Good is a cleric spell, so you can find a good aligned commoner for yet another +1. Assuming privacy, you can torture him for an hour prior to get another +1. Our total so far is +41, so you get a wish on 9 or higher, which isn't bad at all. It costs you nothing, though after a few unexplained disappearances you may want to move on. At this point, it's possible, but there are still more modifiers.

There are some other things you can pick up that would help. A Bard with Inspire Competence could grant +2 to your check. With Summon Monster III you could call up a Dretch to eat your victim's extremities for +1. Kidnapping a cleric, while higher risk, would grant another + 1. Then we get into items - Crystal Mask of Knowledge, which is easily within level 5 WBL, grants +5 to a knowledge check. A Tome of Worldly Knowledge would grant an additional +5. We're now at a total possible +55 available at level 5. Even if you can't get access to all the bonuses, if you can get over +30 (which is, quite frankly, ridiculously easy if you're built for it) you can just keep sacrificing commoners until you get a lucky roll. Just make sure to bring a helmet or cover your head, as you'll likely end up with a DMG shaped dent in it.

Sources used: Core, Heroes of Horror, Spell Compendium, Magic Item Compendium, and Book of Vile Deeds.

[ScionoftheVoid]

I don't have it right in front of me, but it went something like this:-snip-

Yeah, that was about it, but he used Guidance of the Avatar and got the "sacrifice a thing the deity hates" bonus by sacrificing to Nerull, who hates pretty much anything that qualifies for sacrifice in the first place. He could make the check on, I think, a four. And there had been a few setbacks. It required that he blow all of the party's cash, but then that stings less when you get recompensated for 25,000gp. And it's not like he'll ever need anything that hardcore again, he'll just be spamming the lower check options whenever possible.

[Grendus]

Ahh yes, Guidance of the Avatar. With that, you could pull it off at level 3 without any real prep besides spells - +7 int, +6 ranks, +20 Guidance, +8 Divine Insight gets you to +41 before circumstance modifiers with three spells. You don't even have to kill anything people would care about, catching and butchering some random goblin, or anything with above animal intelligence, would suffice.

[ScionoftheVoid]

That presumably assumes second level spells, though, which he had to get from scrolls as a Wizard/Archivist (going into early-entry MT). And why do you assume people wouldn't care about goblins? They're people, too, and are a part of society. Killing them is murder just as much as anything else. And who else is going to run the airships? As it was he stole away a street urchin that was obviously following them, making no effort to hide himself or his magic boots. Not the best idea they've ever had. I love the Chain of Eyes spell.

[Notreallyhere77]

Do it. Is he your friend in any way? If not, and he's not fun to game with, why spend any time around him?
Your scared of him physically? If he threatens you, call the police. If he touches you, call the police. If you see him on your property after you;ve told him to leave and not come back, call the police.
If he actually hurts you or damages your property, call the police AND sue him in civil court.
Standing up for yourself in a situation (and not backing down later) like this will be the best thing you've ever done. Worst case scenarios, whats a few bruises and broken personal possessions compared to the ongoing harm to your self esteem? He's got a LOT more to loose (as in, gaining a police record) than you do.

He's been part of the group longer than I have, and at least one other member that I have no problems with only comes if he does, so we'd be out two (or three) members.
We play at my friend's house, and one of the roommates would probably rather the police kept their distance.
Worst case, he throws a tantrum and breaks something, but it would be my friends' property damaged, not mine, and I don't want something like that to be my fault. He and I would both be banned, him for breaking stuff, and me for provoking it.
Best case, he'll leave with a verbal tantrum, then come back the next week/session anyway, and do his darnedest to wreck my game, in and out of character.
*sigh*
I think I'll just tell him not to try and make a more conventional character (who, most importantly, doesn't act like all of his other characters) and stop killing whole towns at the drop of a hat and intentionally killing quest-givers, or he can go home and play one of the Grand Theft Auto games, where that kind of behavior is tolerated. And if he doesn't leave, I'll put it to a vote with the other players.

For the record, he and the owner of the house don't seem to like each other, but the owner does nothing to keep him away, and they've been playing together for years, so I don't know how much help he'd be if I needed backup.

Thanks for the advice, though. I needed the inspiration to stand up for myself.

[Skaven]

Probably been mentione dmultiple times but at over 1000 posts..

A player who thinks its their job to completely scr*w over the entire party.

Steals their gold, sells their things, passes notes to the DM while smirking like a 9 year old who just stole their 5 year old brothers chocolate bar.

"You don't know since I maxed my bluff and rolled a 15+20 vs your |+3 sense motive and you believe that this sword only sold for 100 gold"

[Choco]

Probably been mentione dmultiple times but at over 1000 posts..

A player who thinks its their job to completely scr*w over the entire party.

Steals their gold, sells their things, passes notes to the DM while smirking like a 9 year old who just stole their 5 year old brothers chocolate bar.

"You don't know since I maxed my bluff and rolled a 15+20 vs your |+3 sense motive and you believe that this sword only sold for 100 gold"

And of course when the party DOES figure him out and kills him (or responds in a slightly less fatal but still very detrimental to him way), he cries and screams and storms out of the room.... I refuse to play in games with players like that anymore. Much as I love my gaming, I would rather not play at all then play with someone like that.

Mr Socially Inept Character Maker-The problem is not that he makes socially inept characters (they are damn fun to play at times), it is that he gets progressively bored, annoyed, and pissed when he is left out of social encounters. He truly does expect the party face to take him along to negotiate with the emperor, despite the fact that he has been known to intentionally piss off everyone he ever talks to, is extremely disrespectful, etc.

[Volthawk]

P
"You don't know since I maxed my bluff and rolled a 15+20 vs your |+3 sense motive and you believe that this sword only sold for 100 gold"

Another reaction to that is to say "Well, Bob can't go sell our loot from now on, given how he somehow manages to sell valuable magical stuff at such a small fraction of the stuff's value." Or a worse reaction to being told that he sold a valuable item for such a small amount.

[Honest Tiefling]

"By the gods, you have been tricked! We must see this fiend of a merchant that you sold the goods to and demand a fair price! We cannot let a merchant take advantage of good adventuers! Come, tell us who you sold these goods to, so we can try to reason with him!"

[Sipex]

Yeah, one thing bluff can never beat is fact.

If your character knows something 100%. No bluff can undo it.

Also, bluff doesn't stop your characters from noticing patterns like.
1) Bob sells all the loot
2) Bob always gets a pittance for the loot
3) Bob consistantly has better equipment than us regardless

Simply inserting a secret step by being suspicious simply due to pattern recognition fixes this:
1.5) Bob doesn't know that I put my old magic dagger into the haul and I know how much it's worth.

[Notreallyhere77]

Moving away from the topic of my previous posts, I'd like to bring up a possible solution when someone uses the defense "It's what my character would do!" for something that creates needless conflict within the party or player group.

When they say "But I was acting in-character!" Reply with:
"He dies. Roll up a character who doesn't act like that."

@Skaven:
I know. These guys are awful. Some of them can do it in a way that's still fun, because they apologize out of character, and only do it when they can easily justify it in character to the other players' satisfaction.
Still, it's pretty annoying most of the time. Luckily, most of them play rogues, so no one was trusting them anyway.

[Choco]

When they say "But I was acting in-character!" Reply with:
"He dies. Roll up a character who doesn't act like that."

That's awesome. I would try that myself, but I encourage my players to police themselves, reminding them that they are not required to put up with anyone just because they are a PC. But now I have the following line on my waiting list, just waiting for a chance to use it:

"Roll a DC natural 21 fortitude save vs heart attack!"

[Yukitsu]

Probably been mentione dmultiple times but at over 1000 posts..

A player who thinks its their job to completely scr*w over the entire party.

Steals their gold, sells their things, passes notes to the DM while smirking like a 9 year old who just stole their 5 year old brothers chocolate bar.

"You don't know since I maxed my bluff and rolled a 15+20 vs your |+3 sense motive and you believe that this sword only sold for 100 gold"

I usually just point out that sense motive has a flat 20 non-opposed to know that something is wrong. Unlike the opposed it doesn't tell me he's lying. Reasons for the feeling range from "he's a liar and something is up" to "my friend has been replaced with a shape changing fish man from Neptune who sold my sword for 100 gp" but honestly, making that 20 99% of the time means the other guy is a liar.