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  1. - Top - End - #301
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    ElfRangerGuy

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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    Quote Originally Posted by Lycan 01 View Post
    Wait, somebody wants ta know how t'do a' Apple Bloom an' Applejack accent? Well, tain't too hard. Not fer me at least. Y'see, I'm from Miss'ippi, so I kin actu'lly speak with a purty good Suthern accent. If you want, now, ah kin translate the dialogue fer ya. Just tell me what ya need, an' I can rewrite it up fer y'all in proper Southern twang.

    *coughs*

    Urgh, I hate trying to actually write out the dialect of my homeland. It makes the Literature Major in me weep bitter tears. And no, I don't actually sound like that in real life. I was just providing an example of what one would normally hear around where I'm from. My speech is actually write proper, though I do use words like y'all, fixin' to, ain't, and a few other common terms.

    Off the top of my head, here's a quick guide to Southern lingo:

    Ain't - is not, are not
    Y'all - you, you all
    Fixin' ta - About to
    Varmint - pest
    Ah, Mah - I, My
    'bout - About
    Dagnabbit - Darn it
    Gall-durned - gosh darned
    Yeehaw/*holler* - wee/yay/w00t

    Wait, do people say Holler outside the South? Its another word for yelling or screaming.
    Now half my family is from SC originally. I can do the accent well if I'm feeling it or angry. Ifin my Peepaw was still alive, I'd just ask him to say stuff and attempt to write it as I hear it. But for some reason I can write accent when I say them.

    As I am from NYC, I can do a lot of accents.
    I use "Holler" sometimes and am born raised Brooklyn.
    Gitp's No. 1 Cake hater
    On Vacation until Aug 7th.
    Spell currently researching: Explosive Pie.
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  2. - Top - End - #302
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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    Quote Originally Posted by darthbobcat View Post
    Oh good, I'd have been disappointed if you hadn't noticed it eventually. I'm proud of being the first person to ever try to figure out what Meanie-pants would be in Latin.
    You are aware that this could lead to an ever-escalating sig war, are you not?


    Also, Trixie, for what it's worth I reference your OP pretty frequently, it's handy to have the links.

  3. - Top - End - #303
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    1dominator's Avatar

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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    Quote Originally Posted by averagejoe View Post
    Doesn't that word mean something along the lines of, "Daughter of," as an element of Arabic female names?

    I dunno, Hoity always struck me as someone who would use lengthier, extremely inoffensive swears. Like, "Fudgesicles," but classier. "Quellazaire," (cigarette holder) might work.
    Bint means daughter/girl in Arabic, and in certain grammatical constructions means daughter of ....
    Have never heard it used in English though so I can not vouch for it's appropriateness. As for the story itself, it made me smile. I think Hoity is still sufficiently in character his disregard for status does fit in with the "respected artist" archetype. Gilda, Trixie, Derpy and Luna; is that a reference to that comic strip of them sitting in Celestia's basement plotting her downfall?

  4. - Top - End - #304
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    MindFlayer

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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    Quote Originally Posted by Trixie View Post
    ...

    On ED.

    Instead of one click away. Three times in the last two days.

    You know what? :/

    I give up.

    Oopsie. My bad.
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  5. - Top - End - #305
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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    Quote Originally Posted by Thanqol View Post
    And I'm done. Give it up for...

    Never Going Out Of Style

    Spoiler
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    “Fillies and gentlecolts, she’s been in the Moon for one thousand years, but tonight she returns to Canterlot a star. It’s time to witness the rebirth of Equestrian fashion with... Princess Luna!”

    It was insufferable, these pre-act speeches. He didn’t know who they got to come up with such rubbish, but he did know that they were trying to offend his refined ears so badly that he’d look more kindly on whatever travesty the models came out wearing. The crowd, pedestrian as always, began to cheer and clop before the dress even emerged. How tiresome.

    “Isn’t this exciting, Mr. Hoity Toity?” asked one of the bints who was sitting next to him. “It’s Princess Luna!”

    “I heard she was sooooo nervous about this,” said a pony who was wearing a dress where she should have been wearing a gag. Hoity endured the banality but did not respond. His expression was unreadable behind his mirrored glasses.

    ‘I heard she made the dress herself!” said bint #1, which caused Hoity to abruptly turn about.

    “Surely not,” he said, “I was informed that there would be Piedmount on display here, not some nopony from the moon!”

    There was a brief moment of silence as the bints looked at each other.

    “We might of exaggerated,” said gagless in her annoying voice.

    “But it’s Princess Luna! How can you not be excited to see Princess Luna!” said irrelevant.

    “Oh, it’s like Ponyville all over again,” moaned Hoity Toity. More valuable time, wasted. Some hack from the moon was going to inflict horrors upon his eyes and he’d just have to sit through it...

    The curtain raised. The princess stepped out onto the catwalk.

    There was a collective gasp from the audience as Luna, as graceful as a ray of moonlight lighting up the night dew, floated onto the stage. And then there was silence.

    Absolute. Awestruck. Silence.

    Hoity Toity took off his glasses.

    “Good lord,” he said, and every eye was immediately upon him. He got unsteadily to his feet and looked up at the Princess who was transfixed with nerves. “Even if there was a time when trashy street walker was a look worth aiming for, you hit somewhere between there and rodeo clown. It’s like I’m looking at the garbage bin of history, oh, for shame!”

    He put his glasses on and sat back down, turning his head aside so he didn’t have to look at the abomination any longer. He noticed to his satisfaction that the other ponies were giving him some space at last. It seems they’d finally realized that somepony as important as him needed space to –

    Stars exploded along the inside of his glasses. He heard his ruff rip a little as he hit the ground – oh, that would simply not do – and he heard a muffled voice shouting “Take him away!”. He felt some ruffians lay their hooves on him. He would have called Hooves to deal with them but he couldn’t seem to clear his head from all these spinning colours.

    *

    “No way! Is that...”

    “What’s HE in for?”

    “I heard he got kicked by Princess Luna!”

    Hoity Toity got to his feet. Oh, his glasses were cracked, and he couldn’t see anything through them. That, along with his ruined ruff completely ruined the image he was going for. He may as well just give up. “Hooves. Get me my Autumn Array. And my cushion,” he added.

    “Uh, sorry Mr. Toity, sir, but I can’t,” said Hooves. Hoity Toity took off his glasses.

    He was in a small, cold prison cell with iron bars. A few other ponies were around in the same area. Hooves was in the same cell as him, looking worried.

    Hoity Toity put his glasses back on.

    “You can still provide a cushion.” He said.

    “Yes, Mr. Toity, sir.” Hoity Toity sat down, and sure enough there was a comfortable pony there to take his weight.

    “Now, would it break the ambiance of this little grey hole to get some service?” he called aloud.

    Trumpets sounded, and Hoity Toity peeked over the rims of his glasses. Some dark blue mare came down the steps, flanked by a squadron of guards. The overall effect was trite, to be honest, obviously meant to evoke the feel of Princess Celestia’s visits but with none of the confidence needed to offset all of the ham.

    The mare stopped in front of the cell. He pushed his glasses back up his nose. There was nothing further to see here.

    “Well?” She asked, challenging.

    “Well you fashion choice was still a garish mishmash that will haunt my dreams longer than anything that could happen in this dungeon,” Hoity Toity said. He didn’t flinch when there was the sound of something slamming into the bars.

    “Who do you think you are talking to me like that? Do you know who I am?”

    “No,” said Hoity Toity.

    “I will not be made a laughingstock,” Luna hissed through clenched teeth.

    “Madame, I couldn’t give a fig for what you are or are not,” Hoity Toity said, “My grievance is entirely with your dressmaker. Who is the culprit?”

    “I – my sister helped me,” the voice seemed a bit less steady.

    “And your sister is...?” Hoity Toity said, waving one hoof.

    “Celestia,” Luna almost snarled.

    “Then you should have words with her, because if she sent you out onto a stage wearing buttless chaps you would have cut a finer figure. It was like some kind of cruel joke, that.”

    “I...” Luna stopped, “You *will* give me your honest opinion, will you not?”

    “Why would I give anything different?” asked Hoity Toity, sitting in the dungeon of Canterlot.

    “Hm. Come with me.”

    *

    “Sorry about the bruise, by the way,” said Luna as Hoity Toity walked into her room. In the course of the walk up here Hooves had managed to find himself a fixed set of glasses and do some emergency stitching on his ruff. His eye was still black where Luna had kicked him, but it hid well behind the glasses.

    “That was a new one,” he said absently, “Normally they just cry.”

    Luna laughed. Hooves looked uncomfortable at how funny Luna found that.

    Hoity Toity sat down. “Proceed.”

    “Well... here’s what I wore when I first rose to the moon,” Luna said, stepping behind a screen and emerging in a spectacular silver and black dress.

    Hoity Toity sat in silence for a moment and said, “The designer?”

    “Well, it sort of magically appeared.”

    “I see. Enchanting, but played out. Celestia has been riding that particular fashion into the dirt.” Hoity Toity said, waving his hoof, “Next.”

    Luna twitched with a touch of anger at being dismissed so easily, but went and tried on her next piece. It was a classy black and purple ensemble. “This was what I wore when I was going formal as Nightmare Moon –“

    “Oh, no, not unless you want to look like a Goth,” Hoity Toity said, averting his gaze.

    “Hey! I was wearing this before it was cool! I MADE this cool!” Luna said, her voice raising.

    “And ponies all across Equestria have spent the past thousand years making it uncool. Next!”

    Fuming, Luna went behind the screen a third time. Hooves cast Hoity Toity a worried glance, as if to question his commitment to antagonising the Princess. Hoity Toity didn’t pay him any heed.

    “Fine! How about this!” Luna said, emerging in a sweeping oceanic gown that raised from darkest green to deepest purple, crashing and flowing like a thunderstorm over a stormy sea.

    “And who designed this one?”

    “I did. While I was in the moon.” Luna said, raising her head defiantly.

    “Ah, so you’re finally showing me something real,” Hoity Toity said, looking at it, “Not your sister’s work. Not you trying to be something you’re not. Not some mysterious magical gift. Something you actually, genuinely put your own emotions and effort to.”

    “And?”

    “Well, the stitching is clumsy and you obviously aren’t used to having access to a decent sewing shop, but with some adjustments I think we can work with this.” Hoity Toity said, “Hooves! Get me my editing pen and those designs!”

    *

    “Fillies and Gentlecolts, let’s give it up for the new star of the Grand Galloping Gala, the newly returned... Princess Luna!”

    Celestia carefully hid her giggle. No matter what Luna came out wearing this time what ponies would remember was the streetwalker clown. That’d teach her to stop playing loud music in the small hours of the morning.

    The curtains opened. No one was there.

    There was silence for a moment, and the whispering set in.

    Belatedly, a unicorn with a silver mane ascended the steps, cleared her throat, threw back her hooves dramatically and announced, “The GREAT and POWERFUL TRIXIE is here to inform you that Princess Luna will not be attending the Grand Galloping Gala because she has found a much cooler party to attend.”

    “How can it be cooler than the Grand Galloping Gala?” Asked one pony in the crowd.

    “Because it will have the GREAT and POWERFUL TRIXIE in attendance,” Trixie shot back. “Now, Trixie has to get back. She hopes you all enjoy your crummy, Trixie-less party.” Trixie strode confidently off the stage, leaving a crowd of muttering ponies in her wake.

    The rest of the Gala just felt kind of hollow after that. Sure, it was grand, and galloping and all that... but what was *Luna’s* party like?

    *

    “This is an almost criminal waste of my time,” Hoity Toity said.

    “Would you prefer to go back in the dungeon?” Princess Luna asked.

    Hoity Toity considered it. On one hand, he wouldn’t be stuck here dancing with this bint and would be able to sit down. On the other hand, this place wasn’t a total crime against fashion. The silver maned unicorn had a pretty cape, the griffon had an interesting spike thing going, and the grey pegasus was wearing some abomination emblazoned with muffins that was despite all sane reason strangely compelling. There weren’t many others around. It was a small, private affair in the shadow of the mountain.

    “Please, if you must do this, let’s at least change the music to something classier,” said Hoity Toity as he was forcibly waltzed by Princess Luna.

    “Shut up,” said the Princess, “And dance.”


    Disclaimer: This story breaks my "Do not post something you wrote at 1:30 in the morning to the internet" rule, sorry if it's terrible. Feedback is appreciated.
    What is this I don't even.

    But I sort of liked it in the end, though Luna was a bit... dickish. But adorable :P

    Quote Originally Posted by Introbulus View Post
    Forgive me if my review is a little sparse. A trojan horse took over my web browser in the middle of trying to write this, and I had to start all over again. -_-; Let the world know that I hate computer viruses, and wish horrible things upon the people who program them.
    Was it, by any chance, Pony trojan mentioned on ED?

    So like Twilight's hook obsession
    What obsession?

    I keep thinking "that zebra must be a wizard!" because of the lightning bolt on his flank.
    The what?
    Above Us Only Sky


  6. - Top - End - #306
    Troll in the Playground
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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    Quote Originally Posted by Thanqol View Post
    You are aware that this could lead to an ever-escalating sig war, are you not?


    Also, Trixie, for what it's worth I reference your OP pretty frequently, it's handy to have the links.
    Psht, why would that happen? Friendship is magic.
    My anime review podcast is coming back after a one year hiatus! www.fivepointpodcast.com

  7. - Top - End - #307
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    Aidan305's Avatar

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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    Quote Originally Posted by Gaelbert View Post
    Aidan305: Would you be as surprised if the pies were powered with the Magic of Friendship?
    No, not really. They'd still be pies.
    If one is going to create a scene of violence and conflict, one shouldn't fill it with unnecessary slapstick for the benefit of network censors and watching parents. Better to completely evade it in the first place.
    I have no objection to pie fights, but I feel that they have their place and they should stick to it.

  8. - Top - End - #308
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Entertainer13's Avatar

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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    Yamino (creator of Sister Claire) has made some more pony deviations. Linked for slight language!

    Tolerate!

    This one is safe. Random, cute, safe!

    Spoiler
    Show


    This was an April Fool's Day joke, apparently. Her comic done up "MLP Style!"

    Spoiler
    Show


    Interesting Note: Yamino's art style was originally inspired by Power Puff Girls, so it's not much of a stretch.
    Rarity's number one admirer!
    Click on the dragon eggs to help them hatch and grow, or get some for yourself!

  9. - Top - End - #309
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    SiuiS's Avatar

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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    Quote Originally Posted by Irbis View Post
    The what?
    Lightning bolt spell ball.
    It would make (ever so slightly) more sense if you'd connected my "Damn LARPing" reference; wizards hold what may as well be yellow penalty flags (guessing from the CM) charge them with an incantation and throw them- as lightning bolts.

    But really, I'm just there to overly dramatically role-play a Viking skald. Nothin says inter party conflict like calling the team caster a sissy for using 'woman's magic'. Har.

    crudeliter-braccae
    I'm gonna guess this is what you came up with? It vaguely fits my subtle understanding (read:ignorance) of Latin.
    Last edited by SiuiS; 2011-04-03 at 08:49 PM.

  10. - Top - End - #310
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    Thanqol's Avatar

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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    Quote Originally Posted by 1dominator View Post
    Bint means daughter/girl in Arabic, and in certain grammatical constructions means daughter of ....
    Have never heard it used in English though so I can not vouch for it's appropriateness. As for the story itself, it made me smile. I think Hoity is still sufficiently in character his disregard for status does fit in with the "respected artist" archetype. Gilda, Trixie, Derpy and Luna; is that a reference to that comic strip of them sitting in Celestia's basement plotting her downfall?
    Thanks! And yes, it is a reference to that comic. By Celestia's beard!

    I remember one british guy using "bint" as an insult, but the idea to use more creative pejoratives is more appealing. I need to come up with a few more... obvious enough to be instantly recognisable, but cultured enough to be almost silly.

    Quote Originally Posted by Irbis View Post
    What is this I don't even.

    But I sort of liked it in the end, though Luna was a bit... dickish. But adorable :P
    Thanks, glad you enjoyed

  11. - Top - End - #311
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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    Enjoyed, Hel!

    Dickish Luna is the best Luna. We need more Dickish Luna. We need more kicks to the face!

  12. - Top - End - #312
    Ettin in the Playground
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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    So I... uh... I wrote a thing. Because I had to. It's probably honestly not the best thing ever. It rambles when it needs to be short, and is terse where it needs to be long. But it's a pony fic.

    I know you don't usually associate me with romance, but I think the chemistry between the two leads here is great. So, without further ado, the proof that I have become the kind of person who writes pony fanfiction:

    Spoiler
    Show
    Bright New Days

    Twilight Sparkle woke up.
    Twilight Sparkle woke up.
    She woke up.

    She got up. Yawned.
    Went down and started her morning routine.
    Dental hygiene. Poke Spike. Read for a bit.
    Start the day off with her usual - sweet tea - and biscuits.
    It looked like a beautiful day outside.
    Start the day off with her usual - coffee - and biscuits.
    Sun shining. Celestia had certainly done her duty this morning.
    The milk tasted fantastic. She'd have to send her compliments to the Cudderly sisters. Cudderly milk - fresh from the udder!
    Bright new day. Beautiful, brand-new bright new day.

    Walk outside. Cloudy. Looked like the weather factory was brewing up a storm - better be careful.
    Where was she going, again? To the detention facility where the apple-farmer was being held under suspicion of smuggling sensitive supplies via apple deliveries?
    No. That's silly. No.
    She was going to go to the cafe. She secretly hoped that she would see Applejack there - she'd been kind of shy around Twilight lately, and she wanted to really know what was up. Maybe... there was more under the dirt and sweat than just more dirt and sweat.
    Oh, it's Pinkie Pie. Hello, Pinkie Pie. Bouncing about merrily, big toothy grin.
    "Hey, Twilight! Do you want some cupcakes?" Lean forward, ignoring all conceptions of personal space.
    "Cupcakes? Sure! I haven't eaten today, so I'm kind of hungry... what flavor are these?"
    "They're made from 100% Rainbow Dash! Wheeeheeeheee!"
    Twilight steps back, trying to figure out what's going on in that crazy pink head. "...What?"
    "Just kiiiiiding! Custard!" Splat. Custard dripping down a purple flank, madly giggling pony hopping away. Twilight tries to lick some off, but gives up. Urgh. That Pinkie Pie. So random.

    She hoped Her Imperial Benevolence wouldn't mind the lateness of the latest report. It was sometimes slow, she'd argued in the last letter, and she would alltogether rather avoid having to intentionally stir up trouble just so she could relate her latest findings on the superweapon known as Friendship.
    Besides. Fluttershy had been making eyes at her, she was sure, and Applebloom wanted some help. It was about the Cute Mark Crusaders, and their upcoming trip to Mount Evercrest, to see if they were, in fact, mountain-climbing-horses.
    Besides. Rarity had been distracted lately, she was sure, and Sweetie Belle wanted some help. It was about the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and their upcoming trip to Camterlot, to speak with the lovely Princess Luna.
    But she'd have to deny them. After all, the former Nightmare Moon was currently awaiting Her Grace's pleasure in the cold iron holding cells.
    No.

    Something's...

    Oh. It's Derpy. Hello, Derpy.
    That's not her name, Twilight says.
    Hello, Derpy. How are you today?
    Muffins!
    I'm showing my daughter around the mail routes!
    ...A shake of the head, a slow sad smile.
    That wasn't the answer, Ditzy Doo.
    That wasn't the question either.
    How are you today, Twilight?
    Not good.
    Hurting somewhere.
    But that's all right. Zecora could probably brew up some kind of magic potion to help with the ache. Maybe she could gather up her friends and go off on an epic quest to find the exotic ingredients! Yeah! Rarity could find the magic flowers, along with Fluttershy (who'd have to overcome her fear of palm trees) and Applejack and Rainbow Dash could catch the racing-weasel who needs to give up his tail and then-
    No.

    Something's...

    Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, both of them blushing, Rainbow Dash nuzzling at Fluttershy's mane.
    You can't do that, Rainbow Dash!
    (What will Rarity think? Fluttershy and she were...)
    But what about your upcoming career in the Wonderbolts, Rainbow Dash? Do you want to leave Fluttershy a widow, if some griffin were to catch you while you were attempting a bombing run?
    No.
    That's not right.
    (Rainbow Dash loves Pinkie-)
    No.
    Maybe she was just trying to get a tick out of Fluttershy's mane. With her lips. And tongue.
    And now she is.
    "Hey, Twilight. You don't look so good."
    "Leave me alone!"
    "B-but, Twilight, we- we just-"
    "No! Go away! Stop being whoever you are! Leave me alone!"

    She turns, and runs. It takes her ten minutes to get back to the treehouse.
    It should only have taken five.
    It should have taken fifteen.
    Shut the door behind you, Twilight.
    Lock it, throw away the key.
    Bar the door.
    Lock it, keep the key on your desk.
    You have a desk, Twilight?
    Of course you do.
    Sometimes.
    You can see it out of the corner of your eye.
    Just don't turn around.
    Don't blink.
    You blinked, didn't you, Twilight?
    It's gone now.
    There's a dining table there.
    Don't you want to eat dinner, Twilight Sparkle?
    It would be a nice lunch, with Spike as the main course.
    Oh, and you could have Rarity over, and discuss the Evertree Forest problem.
    That would be a nice relaxing evening, wouldn't it?
    It's Everfree, by and by.
    That's important to remember.
    If you don't, it'll never have been.
    If you don't, it will always have been.

    Buzzing at the door. Buzzing buzzing like little bees.
    Remember when they stung you, Twilight?
    When you were spying on Pinkie Pie?
    (She's probably working for Her Majesty's Enforcers.)
    (That's the only way her Pinkie Sense makes sense.)
    [That was a joke.]
    Buzz.
    Door opens.
    Didn't you latch it, Twilight Sparkle?
    But you don't turn around to check.

    "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
    "Can you do anything about...?" Applejack.
    "Is she going to be all right? Will her corpse be no good?" Pinkie.
    "I need you lovely, lovely ladies to leave." Voice. Familiar. Not important.
    Look up at him, Twilight Sparkle.
    He might not be a lady-pony.
    He might not be one of the gang.
    But he's here right now and he's looking at you all sad-eyed.
    "I'm sorry. Of course you'd be the one to notice."
    "What is it? What? Tell me!"
    "It's complicated..."
    "I had three different breakfasts! At the same time!"
    Tears rolling down a purple cheek.
    Can't explain that.
    Didn't you learn that you're supposed to accept these things?
    These unexplainable things?

    "How many ponies do you think there are in Equestria? Just Equestria, right now."
    "Thousands. Tens of thousands. Easy."
    "How many choices do you think they make every second? Deciding to do something, not to do something, brains humming away at a subconscious level?
    "I'll answer that for you. It's okay. Take a deep breath.
    "Millions.
    "And all of them happen. They have to. Otherwise, what's the point?"
    "But that's... I've never... am I living through them all... am I?"
    "Imagine it's a tapestry. It's nothing like a tapestry, but imagine. You're a thread. Woven through a bunch of other threads. And to exist independently of all the other threads, someone needs to look at you. Otherwise you're just... a bunch of possibilities and could-have-beens and potential.
    "Now, this is where everything breaks down. Because a thread can't simultaneously be coming loose and becoming one with all the other threads at the same time.
    "This shouldn't happen.
    "This shouldn't ever happen.
    "My people... Gallopfrey... we stopped things like this from happening.
    "I can't... I can't stop this. Back when we were shining... maybe. But the observers have looked away.
    "No. They've chosen not to allow the Thread-Singularity Omega Principle act. Everything should come down to one point that creates an entirely new set of choices, and all the others - nothing. Potentia again.
    "It's not.
    "And you're the bearer of the Element of Friendship. Smartest pony alive. Student of Celestia herself, whoever she happens to be at this moment.
    "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You had to notice. You're clever. You notice these things, can't just let the inconsistencies go.
    "Everyone else does, you know. Maybe the pink one doesn't. But the rainbow one - she can be bullying Flutterfeather-"
    "Shy."
    "Whoever... one moment... and then kissing her the next."
    "Help me. Please."
    "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
    "How old are we? How many times have we done this? How many lives?"
    "Just close your eyes, and this will all be a bad dream. Maybe you'll wake up working for Her Enforcers. Maybe you'll wake up with Rarity beating down your door, ready for adventure. But just close your eyes, and everything will be better."
    "No, no, it's all wrong, please, just help me-"
    "Ssssh. It's all right. Just close your eyes, let me close them, hold them tight- just forget- just ignore the breaking walls, the calls down the watchtower, the threads entertwining- just-"


    Twilight Sparkle woke up. It was a beautiful new day, though she wasn't sure why she'd decided to fall asleep on the floor. Oh, now she remembered - Spike had been scared by the thunderstorms last night, and so she'd come down to cuddle with him. Wherever he was now, it was probably best to leave him.
    "Oh, excuse me." She looked up to see that brown earth pony, the one with the hourglass cutie mark, carrying a book balanced precariously on his back. "I hope I didn't wake you up."
    "No, it's all right. Could you wait until I wake up to check out anything, though? I guess that I'm the librarian around here, after all." She levitated the book over to her, sliding a library card in. "Here you go - though I don't know why you'd want to read about ancient Equestrian tapestries."
    "It's... ah, it's a hobby. You know. Can't be saving time all the time, right?" Twilight laughed at his awkward joke, and he joined in, slightly lackluster.
    "You have a good day now, okay?" Twilight said as he turned to leave - and when he looked back, for a moment she could see tears in his eyes.
    "Yeah. You have a good day today, Twilight."
    And he walked out, leaving Twilight to the rest of her day in peace.


    Since this is quite literally the steaming-hot-fresh-off-the-keyboard first draft, feel free to tell me how awful it is.
    freedom in the flame

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    Quote Originally Posted by PhoeKun View Post
    Raz, you scoundrel! You planned this!
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    Great, and now I'm imagining what Raz's profile on a dating site would look like. "Must be okay with veils."
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    I don't think there is such a time to have veils that it is not the fault of Raz_Fox.
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    It's a freaking Romulan dump truck. The Romulans are no more likely to build an unarmed warp-capable ship than they are to become a hippy commune.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SiuiS View Post
    Enjoyed, Hel!

    Dickish Luna is the best Luna. We need more Dickish Luna. We need more kicks to the face!
    Well, its not Luna, or even ponies, but here you go.
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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    Quote Originally Posted by Raz_Fox View Post
    So I... uh... I wrote a thing. Because I had to. It's probably honestly not the best thing ever. It rambles when it needs to be short, and is terse where it needs to be long. But it's a pony fic.

    I know you don't usually associate me with romance, but I think the chemistry between the two leads here is great. So, without further ado, the proof that I have become the kind of person who writes pony fanfiction:

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    *snip*


    Since this is quite literally the steaming-hot-fresh-off-the-keyboard first draft, feel free to tell me how awful it is.
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    Well that's... intriguing. Surreal, but intriguing. It took me a little while to figure out what was going on, but once I did I found myself fascinated. Very head spinny stuff. Is this the consequence fictional characters suffer as a result of an overabundance of fiction written about them?

    I'm actually very hesitant to offer any advice about fixing things up or changing much of anything. What I can tell you is that it works as it is, and I fear it may never work again. It's broken where it needs to be. I think that's the best way of putting it. I don't know if that's very helpful, but it's what I've got at the moment. Thanks for sharing your work with us.

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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    I was writing a critique, but it fell apart halfway through when I realized the choppiness was intentional, and the rationality fell away. Overall, pretty good, but the explanation scene with the doctor needs clarity, since I'm not exactly sure what some of the things he's talking about are. I think I'd need to watch Dr. Who to understand. The something-something principle, and who the Watchers are. I get that Twilight is bouncing around between different timelines (for some reason), but the scene with the Doctor should be more of an island of stability and sanity in the sea of chaos. Needs just a little more focus.
    Avatar by Glasswhistle

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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    Quote Originally Posted by Raz_Fox View Post
    So I... uh... I wrote a thing. Because I had to. It's probably honestly not the best thing ever. It rambles when it needs to be short, and is terse where it needs to be long. But it's a pony fic.

    I know you don't usually associate me with romance, but I think the chemistry between the two leads here is great. So, without further ado, the proof that I have become the kind of person who writes pony fanfiction:
    Good heavens. This is a magnificent tapestry of meta intertexuality, a kind of grand singularity of every pony fic, Iron Hoof and pony ship. I'm genuinely impressed at the layers you got in there. Bravo.

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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    Batman hang chocolate shall suffice.

    Not going to read that fic yet (I'm in the middle of one as we speak) but from what I've seen of reviews it should be a good'n.

    Tangent: friendship = magic. Maybe Twilight Sparkle is getting Steiger because of this? It would explain her teleport now, but not when freaked out powers for one. It has some pretty interesting ramifications if you assume it is true and then view the series through that lens.

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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    Quote Originally Posted by Raz_Fox View Post
    So I... uh... I wrote a thing. Because I had to. It's probably honestly not the best thing ever. It rambles when it needs to be short, and is terse where it needs to be long. But it's a pony fic.

    I know you don't usually associate me with romance, but I think the chemistry between the two leads here is great. So, without further ado, the proof that I have become the kind of person who writes pony fanfiction:

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    -snip-


    Since this is quite literally the steaming-hot-fresh-off-the-keyboard first draft, feel free to tell me how awful it is.


    Honestly, I skipped it at first when I read the first paragraph and saw a line repeated. Then I read the few posts above this one, and decided it would be worth a read. Pretty good stuff. I enjoyed the meta-level jumps across continuities, and the Doctor's explanation was just vague enough to make sense (or perhaps watching enough SciFi has trained me to blindly accept technobabble and make up my own explanation to fit the gaps).

    The reader just has to be in the right mindset, I think. Make sure to allude to what's happening in the story somehow in the description if you send it in to ED, or make mention of Dr. Whoof being involved (his name is an instant red flag for timey-wimey shenanigans).

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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    Quote Originally Posted by Raz_Fox View Post
    So I... uh... I wrote a thing. Because I had to. It's probably honestly not the best thing ever. It rambles when it needs to be short, and is terse where it needs to be long. But it's a pony fic.

    I know you don't usually associate me with romance, but I think the chemistry between the two leads here is great. So, without further ado, the proof that I have become the kind of person who writes pony fanfiction:

    *snip*

    Since this is quite literally the steaming-hot-fresh-off-the-keyboard first draft, feel free to tell me how awful it is.
    Oh goodie! I get to re-use that thing I made!


    JAW-DROPPINGLY AMAZING! You worked every single type of fic in there that you could! (not to mention references to popular fics), and...wow. Yeah, this is great stuff.
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    ...How does one cuddle mercilessly?
    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    Curse your Introbulosity!

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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    @Raz_Fox

    I like it! I love the references to the multitude of other fics and it conveys that disjointed feel of confused continuity very nicely. Is it inspired by any specific episode? The concept seems somewhat familiar but I can not quite place it.
    Last edited by 1dominator; 2011-04-03 at 11:05 PM.

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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    So, the first of several fanfic projects I'm tackling is reaching a state close to presentable. It's a series of short snippets of dinnertime scenes in Equestria.

    You'll notice, though, that it's not necessarily complete. That's where you guys come in. Anyone who has an idea for a scene can just PM with their email address and I'll send them an invite with edit permissions on the document. At that point, you can add your section as you like. If something isn't your section, please refrain from changing it without permission from the author (as such, sections should be signed; anything unsigned will be mine). For example, if something I wrote seems off or out-of-character, make a post here (or shoot me a PM if you really prefer) and after we decide what it needs to be better, whoever gets to it first can make the necessary changes.

    Alternatively, post your contribution here and I'll add it in myself.

    Just two requests:

    1) Last story is Celestia/Luna.
    2) Last story is mine to write.
    Last edited by AlterForm; 2011-04-04 at 09:49 AM.

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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    Quote Originally Posted by AlterForm View Post
    So, the first of several fanfic projects I'm tackling is reaching a state close to presentable. It's a series of short snippets of dinnertime scenes in Equestria.

    You'll notice, though, that it's not necessarily complete. That's where you guys come in. Anyone who has an idea for a scene can just PM with their email address and I'll send them an invite with edit permissions on the document. At that point, you can add your section as you like. If something isn't your section, please refrain from changing it without permission from the author (as such, sections should be signed; anything unsigned will be mine). For example, if something I wrote seems off or out-of-character, make a post here (or shoot me a PM if you really prefer) and after we decide what it needs to be better, whoever gets to it first can make the necessary changes.

    Just two requests:

    1) Last story is Celestia/Luna.
    2) Last story is mine to write.
    Rainbow Dash's story is the best story. Just like always.

    Poor Trixie.

    I salute your enlightened inclusion of Pony Economics within the greater narrative.

    You've been pretty comprehensive there. I can think of the following characters who lack stories:
    - Gilda
    - Derpy
    - Hoity Toity/Sapphire Shores/Photo Finish
    - Scootaloo

    I don't have anything off the top of my head, but I'll give this a think and get back to you

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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    You make me wish I could take on another creative project, but if I try it, I'm gonna pop. I feel so overwhelmed by work and ponies right now. I think it's mostly work, but it's a very weird feeling for ponies to suddenly be associated with stress. I definitely don't want to push that paradigm any further.

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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    Quote Originally Posted by Thanqol View Post
    Rainbow Dash's story is the best story. Just like always.

    Poor Trixie.
    I liked that one so much myself that I branched it off into a separate project that will hopefully span 3 separate chapters. I may or may not ever find the time or heart to finish it.

    You've been pretty comprehensive there. I can think of the following characters who lack stories:
    - Gilda
    - Derpy
    - Hoity Toity/Sapphire Shores/Photo Finish
    - Scootaloo
    ... GAH

    I had a pretty good idea for a Scootaloo one, too. Just "pretty good," though, so hopefully someone else can come up with a really good one.

    And I really do want to fit as many characters in as possible, which is why I'm turning to you guys for help in figuring out and writing all the ones I've missed.

    Like Little Strongheart. Who just popped into mind as having really great potential here.

    Quote Originally Posted by PhoeKun View Post
    You make me wish I could take on another creative project, but if I try it, I'm gonna pop. I feel so overwhelmed by work and ponies right now. I think it's mostly work, but it's a very weird feeling for ponies to suddenly be associated with stress. I definitely don't want to push that paradigm any further.
    No worries, Phoe. Ponies are about fun, and I'm sure your stories will be great too, so don't feel obligated at all to stretch yourself too thin. Too many soups spoil ... the chef? Eh, whatever.
    Last edited by AlterForm; 2011-04-03 at 11:53 PM.

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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    @Alterform

    This is very well written if I may say so myself! Poor Trixie, at least she got a 2nd helping of soup...
    But who are Lyra and Bon-Bon? Are they from the show or from another fic?

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    I finally found the way to sum up how awesome it was that I got fanart.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJR1U...layer_embedded
    My anime review podcast is coming back after a one year hiatus! www.fivepointpodcast.com

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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    Quote Originally Posted by 1dominator View Post
    @Alterform

    This is very well written if I may say so myself! Poor Trixie, at least she got a 2nd helping of soup...
    But who are Lyra and Bon-Bon? Are they from the show or from another fic?
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    Find Lyra's sitting at the opening of Dragonshy.

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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    Quote Originally Posted by Thanqol View Post
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    Find Lyra's sitting at the opening of Dragonshy.
    This, pretty much. They're often sort of ... "soft-shipped" I would say. I can't think of a story where they're actually put together as heavily as, say, FlutterDash, but usually it's insinuated they're slightly more than friends.

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    Default Re: My Little Pony IV: Friendship is Sufficiently Advanced Technology

    Quote Originally Posted by AlterForm View Post
    This, pretty much. They're often sort of ... "soft-shipped" I would say. I can't think of a story where they're actually put together as heavily as, say, FlutterDash, but usually it's insinuated they're slightly more than friends.
    Adorable in an old married couple kind of way.

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    I might take a swing at that Hoity Toity dinner story...

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    Quote Originally Posted by PhoeKun View Post
    You make me wish I could take on another creative project, but if I try it, I'm gonna pop. I feel so overwhelmed by work and ponies right now. I think it's mostly work, but it's a very weird feeling for ponies to suddenly be associated with stress. I definitely don't want to push that paradigm any further.
    Take your time, afterall, we have a 6 month ponyless stretch coming, plenty of room and time for pony fics to come at a leisurely pace.
    "Winning with friendship means winning at life!"
    -Mako Mankanshoku

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