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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Gnome Alone's Avatar

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    Default Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    Here's a character concept I had that I'm offering up here - so maybe you can help yourself be annoying too.

    So, barbarian wizard. Not typically considered a good multiclass option, if I'm not mistaken. But, O my brothers, we are not talking about a barbarian/wizard. We are talking about a straight-classed barbarian, whack-things-with-a-murder-deliverey-stick kind of character, who labors (violently, of course) under the impression that he is somehow, despite all appearances to the contrary and the accurate impressions of everyone he meets, a wizard.

    So, here are my ideas so far. If anyone has any additions or improvements I'd love to hear them.

    Sword Spell - To cast his mighty Sword spell, he needs only a verbal comcomponent (screaming), a material focus ("this sword-shaped totem metal wand" which is, of course, a sword. Is totem the right word, though?) and the somatic gesture of swinging the sword into people. (I suppose this works with any weapon, as long as it is sufficiently brutal and not normally used by spellcasters.) This spell can be Empowered with metamagic. That is, he can use Power Attack.

    Arcane Fury - Verbal component: "Arcane Furyyyyyyy!" Somatic gesture: Throwing back head, outstretching arms horizontally, clawing hands upward. In every way it is equivalent to a Barbarian's Rage, because, yes, you guessed it, that's what it is.

    Eldritch Attentiveness - Verbal component- he whispers the phrase "Eldritch Attentiveness!" quietly and confidently to himself before making a perception-based check (i.e., Spot, Listen or Search.)

    Mage Armor - He Permancied this one. Because it's just armor.

    Which brings me to another point, which is that he will sometimes claim to know actual spells, and "cast" them if he can do the action mundanely, e.g., "Disguise Self!" (puts on a hat.)

    Note that this barbarian is specifically a "wizard," not a sorcerer. Mainly because I like the idea of him sitting there doing nothing for hours to "prepare my spells," so he can't help his adventuring buddies out with any tedious mundane tasks like gathering firewood, hunting or taking watch. Oh, and he has a spellbook, despite not spending the skill points to become literate. It consists entirely of drawings of what he imagines ancient magical runes would like. Plus naked ladies and monsters and stuff.

    Thoughts?

    EDIT: In which the poster incorporates some of the spells suggested to him in the character's spellbook, and commits to certain specifics about his particular character.

    Korg the Magical
    Half-Orc Barbarian "Wizard"
    Familiar: Xerxes the Somewhat Terrified Stray Cat

    Whether I end up using point buy or just rolling (which is what my group usually does,) I think I'm going to dump all of Korg's mental stats. Especially Intelligence- Korg absolutely must have an INT penalty. Although a touch of Charisma might make sense, because I don't know about you but I can't help but love Korg. And I think having him be a Half-Orc Barbarian wielding a greatsword is just too blatantly unwizardly to pass up.

    It'd be a bit unwieldy to credit everyone's contributions, so, just read the thread if you want to know who came up with what. Because my own are limited to the ones above. But props to streakster for the name "Xerxes" for his cat familiar, and Zaq for the name "Korg the Magical," which I absolutely love. Also, this build/concept is named "The Thogaturge," thanks to Darrin for thinking of that one.

    Korg's Spellbook
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    Read Magic: Sits and looks at things believing to understand them.

    Magic Stone: Picks up stones from the ground.

    Summon Horse: Finds a horse.

    Lesser Flight: Jumps.

    Mage Hand: Picks up anything. Ever.

    Detect North: Happening to know which way North is.

    Longstrider: Casts it on himself every morning.

    Detect Poison: By consuming it.

    Charm Person: Flex oily barbarian muscles.

    Shrink Item: Takes item. Folds it in half or squish it in hands.

    Blindness: Gouges out eyes of subject.

    Magic Circle Against Evil: Draws circle in ground, punches everything evil that crosses it.

    Summon Storm: Performs a ritual. The next time it rains, he explains that the spell can take weeks to work.

    True Seeing: Sort of squints. Claims loudly that anything he couldn't detect must "have mighty power of illusion!"

    Bull's Strength: Flexes his muscles.

    Bear's Endurance: Takes off his shirt and flexes his muscles.

    Stoneskin: Barbarian's DR.

    Protection from Arrows: As above, but pretends arrows don't hurt.

    Wish: Tells opponent that he will grant him a single wish. When he answers, punches him in the face and tells him his wish sucks.

    Locate Object: Arbitrarily picks a direction. When proven wrong, it must have moved.

    Knock: Slams body into door. May require material focus: battering ram.

    Sending: Makes something up.

    Teleport Object: Throws it, and it's gone.

    Color Spray: Throws multi-colored sand in opponent's face.

    Silent Image: Crudely draws carboard cutout.

    Minor Image: As Silent Image, but stands to the side poorly attempting ventriolquism.

    Stinking Cloud: Farts prodigiously.

    Disintegrate: Hits things until broken into a bajillion pieces.

    Unseen Servant: Forces other party members' to carry gear. (This one works especially well with a 20 Strength Half-Orc, which is what I intend to make Korg.)

    Rope Trick: Throws rope with grappling hook into nearby tree. Sleeps in tree.

    Summon Monster I: Picks up one of the creatures attacking him and throws it at another.

    Suggestion: Makes an Intimidate check.

    Reduce Person: Messy.

    Enlarge Person: Also messy.
    Last edited by Gnome Alone; 2011-06-25 at 09:49 PM.
    Creator of the Thogaturge.
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  2. - Top - End - #2
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    I have nothing constructive to add. I do feel compelled to say this is the best character concept EVER.

    That is all.
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    Ogre in the Playground
     
    BlueKnightGuy

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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    I did the opposite of this with a character once.

    I played a warmage who pretended to be a trip-oriented fighter until we got into a scrape with some Dire Wolves. I tossed down a Fireball, and the party had no idea how I did it. They were convinced that I'd somehow talked our DM into giving me a Necklace of Fireballs.

    But this sounds like an even better idea. Go for it. Try to avoid showing your character sheet to the other players, if you can avoid it.
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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DeltaEmil's Avatar

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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    And then, when the players (or the NPCs and monsters) start laughing at the "wizard", let him use Power Word: Iron Heart Surge to end the sun.

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    Titan in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    And even better: you can cast in antimagic fields!

    You also have grown your skills beyond the need of a spellbook.
    Last edited by Eldan; 2011-04-13 at 03:38 PM.
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    Firbolg in the Playground
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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    The first thing that I thought of was
    "Needs moar FALCON PUNCH!"

    ...I know, there's something wrong with me.
    Last edited by Karoht; 2011-04-13 at 03:39 PM.
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    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    I actually laughed out loud when reading this, its so awesome.

    Good spells would be:

    Magic stone: Picks up stones from the ground.

    Launch Bolt: throws Bolt.

    Read Magic: Sits and looks at things believing to understand it. (This one could be extra hilarious)

    Disrupt undead: He is embarassed that he has not learnt to do it at range and needs melee touch but basks in the fact that his spell is better. (He punches the undead)

    Also, obvious use of stinking cloud spell, centered and permanencied on himself, or non permanent use of a swift action...
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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    NinjaGuy

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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    Quote Originally Posted by Draculmaulkee View Post
    I have nothing constructive to add.
    Me either, because this:

    Quote Originally Posted by Gnome Alone View Post
    the somatic gesture of swinging the sword into people. This spell can be Empowered with metamagic. That is, he can use Power Attack.
    ...sounds like a Lightning Warrior.
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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    byaku rai's Avatar

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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    This is amazing, in an utterly horrifying way. I would play this character.
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    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    erikun's Avatar

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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    I admit to being a bit confused, mainly because I don't recognize the options. Are you trying to play a Barbarian that everyone thinks is a spellcasting wizard, or a Wizard that everything thinks is a rampaging barbarian? Or is he just trying to convince himself? In either case, I'd think you a Duskblade or something similar rather than a Wizard.

    There are several Rage feats that do stuff like sheathe you in ice or set you on fire. They would be very effective towards making people believe you are a spellcaster.

    Remember that Raging doesn't mean you need to be drooling incomprehensibly. You could be chanting, or yelling out litanies during combat - although I'd think you a Paladin in that case.

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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    Whenever you get a horse, pretend you summoned it.

    "Lesser flight" is just jumping.

    Whenever you pick up anything at all, claim you're casting "mage hand".

    Having a flask is create water.

    Potions or heal checks have relevant spells.

    If you know which way north is, it's obviously because of detect north.

    It's the little things that count. Even speak the name of the cantrip as you shine someone's shoes or pass gas.
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    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    Let's not forget the large amount of knowlege skills wizards have. He should never be without an answer to a question, even when he isn't asked.

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    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    Quote Originally Posted by erikun View Post
    I admit to being a bit confused...
    The point is to, in character, be a barbarian who thinks he's a wizard. So, the fewer actual magical abilities,the better.

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    Pixie in the Playground
     
    OrcBarbarianGuy

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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    well clearly every morning you cast longstrider on yourself (fast movement)

    you could have him wear goggles on the back of his head when he gets uncanny dodge and say he cast "eyes in the back of my head" spell

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    Ogre in the Playground
     
    OracleofWuffing's Avatar

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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    Quote Originally Posted by Just_Ice View Post
    "Lesser flight" is just jumping.
    "Fly," when casted on other things, is just picking them up and throwing them. "Well, you're obviously not used to flying, so you flew straight into the ground! It's not my fault you suck at this!"

    Detect Poison by consuming it.

    Open/Close by... Well... Um...

    Unseen Servant works by a complicated system of pulleys and thin wires.

    Charm Person with your incredible studly well-oiled barbarian muscles.

    See Invisibility by throwing sand in a general direction.

    Detect Thoughts: "Think of an integer between six and eight." "... That number is seven!"

    Deafness: Scream very, very loudly.

    Pyrotechnics: Gunpowder, Gasoline, etc. Apply directly to fire.

    Rage: Don't know what to do here.

    Tiny Hut: Put up a tent.

    Wind Wall: Take a tip from the Big Bad Wolf.

    Shrink Item: Take the item, fold it in half.

    Water Breathing: Eat the Constitution checks. Claim that the water is poisoned if people start failing.

    Mnemonic Enhancer: Limericks.
    "Okay, so I'm going to quick draw and dual wield these one-pound caltrops as improvised weapons..."
    ---
    "Oh, hey, look! Blue Eyes Black Lotus!" "Wait what, do you sacrifice a mana to the... Does it like, summon a... What would that card even do!?" "Oh, it's got a four-energy attack. Completely unviable in actual play, so don't worry about it."

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    Firbolg in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    This guy needs to use Barbarian Celerity:

    Instantaneous Rage, Intimidating Rage, and Imperious Command: He can yell at people in reaction to anything they do, forcing them to cower for a round while he goes into a rage and does stuff. He thinks he's casting Celerity (or even Time Stop) and that he's going really fast when really everyone's cowering in fear.
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    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    nedz's Avatar

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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    Do not meddle in the affairs of Wizards,
    Because they are subtle and quick to ANGER/RAGE/POWER ATTACK
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    Orc in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    Also, wear empty glases and robes since u are a mage. u can also create magic items as a wizard, ask your party for their weapons, set them on fire and there ya go, +1flaming.
    english not base lenguage, sry for the grammar, thanks.


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    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    Magic missile - fired from his bow.
    Shatter - with your fists.
    Speak with dead - what, you couldn't hear him?
    Confusion - just say I am a wizard.
    Baleful polymorph - he rearranges your face.
    Faithful watchdog - via handle animal.
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    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Darth Stabber's Avatar

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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    Also get him a familiar of whatever animal he succeeds his handle animal check against.
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    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    His familiar should be a housecat. He's not the melee type, you see, so his pet covers that for him.

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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    PaladinGuy

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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    Whenever he realizes he's in an anti-magic field, or whenever an enemy hits him with dispel magic, he freaks out and drops his sword.

    Every day he prepares spells from his spellbook. His spellbook is actually just a regular book, and instead of arcane runes he's actually just hastily drawn pictures of himself shooting fireballs.

    His idea of casting any communication spell is just to yell loudly. Likewise, when meeting with a foreigner he will cast "tongues" and then proceed to talk to them like stupid people talk to foreigners : "HELLO. WEEE ARRRRE GOOOOOD. DOOO YOOOU UNDERSTAAAAND? GOOD. WHEEERE - YOOOOU - FROOOOM?" Naturally he insists he understands them, and he will feed the rest of the party ridiculous backstories without the slightest bit of accuracy, and insist they're true even if it's later proven to be wrong.

    He doesn't know where North is but he insists he does.

    When he swings his weapon (I like to imagine it's a weapon a wizard has proficiency with) he not only shouts the name of an evocation spell but also makes the sound effects as he hits them. Something to the extent of "Fireball! Bwoosh fgggggrrrrrrrr!"

    He has no ranks in knowledge arcana and thus has no idea what a spell component is. He owns a spell component pouch but uses it to store shiny rocks he finds on the ground and little bits of old food.

    If confronted about his lack of magical knowledge he just sighs loudly and states "You non-magics will never get it!" Before walking off. If annoyed enough at this he might respond with the comeback "Sticks and stones may break my bones but your words can never hurt me because you're not a wizard."

    Look everyone this image is a link!

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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    MonkGuy

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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    Grease - Focus: Bottle of oil, Somatic: throwing of bottle
    Blindness - pokes people's eyes out
    Resist energy - He pretends the fire doesn't hurt
    Sleep - Knocks you over the head with a sap
    Magic circle against evil - draws circle in ground, punch everything evil that crosses it

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    Titan in the Playground
     
    Hiro Protagonest's Avatar

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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    Quote Originally Posted by marcielle View Post
    Magic circle against evil - draws circle in ground, punch everything evil that crosses it
    I LoLd.
    Last edited by Hiro Protagonest; 2011-04-13 at 05:43 PM.

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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Sacrieur's Avatar

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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    I may give you a hug. This is awesome.

    Wish: Tell your opponent that you will grant him a single wish. When he answers, punch him in the face and tell him his wish sucks.
    Last edited by Sacrieur; 2011-04-13 at 05:47 PM.

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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    MonkGirl

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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    Have him "cast" Beast Speech so he can talk to animals. Then grunt/bark/howl/chitter/whatever randomly. When the animal clearly does not understand or does something different, he can say "huh, must speak a different language than the wolves/bears/chipmunks of my homeland."

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    Ogre in the Playground
     
    OrcBarbarianGuy

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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    I'm in. Where do I sign up?

    My only question is this:
    What would his mental scores be?
    High to help pull it off (ad-libbing his "magic"),
    Low and he's just crazy,
    Or, (my personal favorite), High, and he IS crazy.

    If you want his "spells" to actually be effective then he should definately have a high Intelligence so he can fake use more spells by substituting skill checks.


    Quote Originally Posted by Gnome Alone View Post
    he has a spellbook, ... It consists of.... Plus naked ladies and monsters and stuff.
    Why would you want naked monster pictures in your spellbook?
    Gross.

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    Hiro Protagonest's Avatar

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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    Move earth: you kick some sand or rocks.
    Shield: uses total defense and pretends magic missile doesn't hurt.
    Magic missile: throws a dart and whines at the DM if it misses.

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    streakster's Avatar

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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    Wield a cudgel and refer to it as your "Wand of Pain".

    Create Food: Kill some poor, nearby critter.

    Touch of Death: applied, very tightly, to the neck.

    Summon Storm: Perform a ritual. The next time it rains, explain that the spell can take weeks to work.

    True Seeing: Sort of squint. Claim loudly that anything you couldn't detect must "have mighty power of illusion!"

    Wand of Sleep: A sap.

    Light: A torch.

    Repel: Bull Rush.

    Kinetic Acceleration: A charge attack.

    Also, you should get a familiar. Ideally, just a random, angry alley cat that you talk to, and throw at your enemies while yelling "Xerxes! Distract them!"
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    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

    Quote Originally Posted by grarrrg View Post
    Why would you want naked monster pictures in your spellbook?

    I don't see any clothes there. He's a respectable wizard. He shouldn't go around just making things up!

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