Portal 2: The Cake Is Still A Lie

[Dienekes]

Just finished single player a couple hours ago. I should probably not have that huge a crush on a multi-ton computer installation/potato. But I had one on her the first game, and she was just so much more adorable and yandere in this that I couldn't help myself.

Also

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Priceless.

A crush on the psychotic super computer whose goals are to rigorously test people until they die when she's not killing others for different less science based reasons.

I wish you luck on your future romantic interests. With your taste you're gonna need it. May I suggest bringing a weapon?

But yeah the dialogue in this game is great. My favorite is still what to do when life gives you lemons though, with GLaDOS commentary of course.

"Burning people! He's saying what we're all thinking!"

[golentan]

Fortunately, I am a weapon, and I don't actually pursue crushes on people who want to kill the innocent or me (usually). But I appreciate your concern.

[Alchemistmerlin]

Well, I finally got my Wireless Xbox controllers for windows functioning. I also managed to get split screen working on PC (Why is this not available by default?)

Aaaaaaaaaaaand yet my girlfriend and I still can't play coop because apparently the thermal diode on my laptop needs to be repasted to keep the temperature from shooting up to 110* and shutting down.

[Strife Warzeal]

Speaking of crushes on psychotic super computers... You're not the only one apparently.

[Tokuhara]

That ending was crap. The Whole

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Shooting a portal @ the moon

garbage was far-fetched at best, and

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GlaDos had the opprotune chance to kill you. And she didn't take it.

I nearly threw my controller at my TV screen over that ending...

[Destro_Yersul]

It's Valve. Did you expect there to be NOT sillyness?

As for the ending, that was kind of the point.

[Tokuhara]

It's Valve. Did you expect there to be NOT sillyness?

As for the ending, that was kind of the point.

I actually expected more sillyness, but that ending was far-fetched even by Valve's standards... I mean, really? even at the speed of light, it'd've taken about an hour. Which means one dead player.

[blackfox]

Raycasting. For great justice.
Also, that game is quite literally loony. PHASE WHERE ARE YOU WHEN I NEED YOU

[chiasaur11]

I actually expected more sillyness, but that ending was far-fetched even by Valve's standards... I mean, really? even at the speed of light, it'd've taken about an hour. Which means one dead player.

Uh...

The speed of light? Lot faster than that, unless you're living on a disc on four elephants on a turtle's back.

As in, the timing was exactly right for light speed portaling. Valve did the math.

[Reverent-One]

I actually expected more sillyness, but that ending was far-fetched even by Valve's standards... I mean, really? even at the speed of light, it'd've taken about an hour. Which means one dead player.

More like 2 seconds. Average distance to the moon is about 230,000 miles, and since the speed of light is about 186,282 miles per second, looks like Valve got it right.

[Dienekes]

That ending was crap. The Whole

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Shooting a portal @ the moon

garbage was far-fetched at best, and

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GlaDos had the opprotune chance to kill you. And she didn't take it.

I nearly threw my controller at my TV screen over that ending...

Didn't you listen to Cave Johnson?

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Moon rocks are great portal conductors, pity they are pure poison.

My only complaint is that for a robot specifically designed to be an absolute dunce, Wheatley has one or two pretty good plans.

[Tokuhara]

Uh...

The speed of light? Lot faster than that, unless you're living on a disc on four elephants on a turtle's back.

As in, the timing was exactly right for light speed portaling. Valve did the math.

Then why is the portal shot on earth 100x slower, where you can see the bolt? Science my ever loving {censored to avoid infraction}

[Joran]

I actually expected more sillyness, but that ending was far-fetched even by Valve's standards... I mean, really? even at the speed of light, it'd've taken about an hour. Which means one dead player.

Considering it takes about 8 minutes for light from the Sun to reach Earth, your math is a little bit off.

The Moon at its furthest is 252,088 miles. The speed of light is 186,282 miles per second. So it'd take about 1.35 seconds for a laser to reach the Moon.

Edit: Ninjaed by sneaky ninjas.

[Gaelbert]

Uh...

The speed of light? Lot faster than that, unless you're living on a disc on four elephants on a turtle's back.

As in, the timing was exactly right for light speed portaling. Valve did the math.

Yeah, even if the moon was at the furthest point away from the Earth, it would take about 1.3 seconds or so.
One thing I did notice, I was standing on a light bridge once when I fired a portal at a new wall. The gravity acted on me before the light bridge could reach me again.

[Fawkes]

Then why is the portal shot on earth 100x slower, where you can see the bolt? Science my ever loving {censored to avoid infraction}

How dare this game about robots and portals and light bridges not live up to exact scientific standards. I am going to write an angry letter.

DEER GABE

Y U DO DIS

SINCEERLY,
WEETLY

govna

[AlterForm]

How dare this game about robots and portals and light bridges not live up to exact scientific standards. I am going to write an angry letter.

DEER GABE

Y U DO DIS

SINCEERLY,
WEETLY

govna

You must send this email, Fawkes.

You must.

[Alchemistmerlin]

Yeah, even if the moon was at the furthest point away from the Earth, it would take about 1.3 seconds or so.
One thing I did notice, I was standing on a light bridge once when I fired a portal at a new wall. The gravity acted on me before the light bridge could reach me again.

Making light superdense also makes it very slow. As I understand the SCIENCE! it involves force feeding light bigmacs.

Then why is the portal shot on earth 100x slower, where you can see the bolt? Science my ever loving {censored to avoid infraction}

Q: MagnetsPortals, how do they work?
A:

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SCIENCE!

Didn't you listen to Cave Johnson?

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Moon rocks are great portal conductors, pity they are pure poison.

My only complaint is that for a robot specifically designed to be an absolute dunce, Wheatley has one or two pretty good plans.

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He isn't programmed to be a dunce, he's programmed to make bad decisions. Given that the decisions he made through the course of the game got him stranded with the spacesphere in SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE and essentially lost him his only friend, I would say his programming worked pretty well.

[chiasaur11]

Making light superdense also makes it very slow. As I understand the SCIENCE! it involves force feeding light bigmacs.



Q: MagnetsPortals, how do they work?
A: SCIENCE!

You may wonder why a light bridge takes so long to reach you.

It's simple. It doesn't want to spend time with you. It hates you. Just like your parents did!

Don't feel too bad, though.

Your severe overeating habits punish it more than it could ever hurt you.

[littlebottom]

yeah, in all seriousness, it does go pretty slow in the rooms and suddenly almost the speed of light when going to the moon, but i reason that like light, it is slowed down by the atmosphere, just that because of the make up of the air in the test chambers, having being recycled and having adrenylin pumped in, i assume its like making light travel through a super cold ice block, slow it to something like 30 mph or some such.

this is based on SCIENCE!

(doesnt mean its scientific though)

[Dienekes]

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He isn't programmed to be a dunce, he's programmed to make bad decisions. Given that the decisions he made through the course of the game got him stranded with the spacesphere in SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE and essentially lost him his only friend, I would say his programming worked pretty well.

SPAAAACE? Yes I am in space, SPACE! Space. Going to space. CANTWAIT. Space. Space space, I'm gonna go to SPACE!

I don't know he seems rather idiotic as well. Completely idiotic really, except for

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Those two traps he laid were pretty good. It's a nitpick though, admittedly and GLaDOS even comments on how uncharacteristically intelligent one of the traps was.

[Joran]

yeah, in all seriousness, it does go pretty slow in the rooms and suddenly almost the speed of light when going to the moon, but i reason that like light, it is slowed down by the atmosphere, just that because of the make up of the air in the test chambers, having being recycled and having adrenylin pumped in, i assume its like making light travel through a super cold ice block, slow it to something like 30 mph or some such.

this is based on SCIENCE!

(doesnt mean its scientific though)

The Portal Gun is powered by a black hole...

But black holes suck... and the Portal Gun shoots stuff... DIS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE!

[littlebottom]

well i just played the commentry ending of portal 2, and in the boss room, one of the commentries went as something like this:

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"we wanted to make it as realistic as possible and figured out the time that the portal would take to reach the moon to be 1.4 seconds"

[Grif]

well i just played the commentry ending of portal 2, and in the boss room, one of the commentries went as something like this:

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"we wanted to make it as realistic as possible and figured out the time that the portal would take to reach the moon to be 1.4 seconds"

A dose of reality in the midst of all the Science(!). It's insane!

[Jahkaivah]

That ending was crap. The Whole

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Shooting a portal @ the moon

garbage was far-fetched at best

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You mean awesome.

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GlaDos had the opprotune chance to kill you. And she didn't take it.

I nearly threw my controller at my TV screen over that ending...

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Opportunity my ass, Glados has spent enough time with Chell to realise that any attempt to kill her would be complemented with something that can prevent said killing.

She has grown genre savvy enough to realise there is no point in being the villain when you and the hero basically want the same thing.

[BRC]

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GlaDos had the opprotune chance to kill you. And she didn't take it.

I nearly threw my controller at my TV screen over that ending...

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GlaDos has had PLENTY of chances to kill you throughout the game. When Wheatly first wakes her up she could have just crushed your spine with her grabby-claw. She could have dropped you into a pit of acid, or a room full of turrets pointing at you. She can reconfigure the test chambers, remember. Basically up until the point when Wheatley shouts RUN and you break out of the testing chambers you are completely at her mercy.

It's just that She Dosn't Want To Kill You (Yet). Maybe it's her need for test subjects, or her playing with you, but she dosn't want to kill you.

By the end, GlaDoS has realized that all you really want to do is be free, and that you are very, very, very good at not being killed.
From her perspective, she has two choices
Option 1: Try to kill the person who has taken down TWO AI's with the same capabilities she has now (one of which was her), and has survived everything that has been thrown at her. Result, Chell is gone.
Option 2: Let Chell Go, give her what she wants and let her leave. No fuss, no muss, no trying (again) to kill her, just let her leave. Result, Chell is Gone.
By that point in the Story, GlaDoS no longer hates you. She has no reason to kill you except to get rid of you, and letting you go serves that purpose just fine.

[chiasaur11]

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GlaDos has had PLENTY of chances to kill you throughout the game. When Wheatly first wakes her up she could have just crushed your spine with her grabby-claw. She could have dropped you into a pit of acid, or a room full of turrets pointing at you. She can reconfigure the test chambers, remember. Basically up until the point when Wheatley shouts RUN and you break out of the testing chambers you are completely at her mercy.

It's just that She Dosn't Want To Kill You (Yet). Maybe it's her need for test subjects, or her playing with you, but she dosn't want to kill you.

By the end, GlaDoS has realized that all you really want to do is be free, and that you are very, very, very good at not being killed.
From her perspective, she has two choices
Option 1: Try to kill the person who has taken down TWO AI's with the same capabilities she has now (one of which was her), and has survived everything that has been thrown at her. Result, Chell is gone.
Option 2: Let Chell Go, give her what she wants and let her leave. No fuss, no muss, no trying (again) to kill her, just let her leave. Result, Chell is Gone.
By that point in the Story, GlaDoS no longer hates you. She has no reason to kill you except to get rid of you, and letting you go serves that purpose just fine.

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Like she says.

She used to want you dead, but now she only wants you gone.

[RPharazon]

Inspired by this "conversation" in the IRC channel...

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<RPharazon> Portal 2, in the end, is just "Ellen McLain: Adventures with Stephen Merchant"
<Dis> and I'm ok with that (:
<RPharazon> On the back of the box there's fine print that says "Oh and there's some physics puzzles with a magical portal gun"
<Dis> still ok with it
<RPharazon> And above that in huge letters with a portrait, there's "FEATURING THE MANY TALENTS OF JK SIMMONS"
<Dis> still seeing nothing wrong with it
<RPharazon> I need to make a mockup of this
<Dis> do it

I ended up making this:

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A bit rough, I know, but it gets the point across.
Also, just to be safe, I don't actually claim ownership of any logos or games, in any way, shape or form. Please don't sue me.

[Jahkaivah]

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I would have brought the hard copy if that was the cover.

[Grif]

I would have brought the hard copy if that was the cover.

I second this. And I would frame it in my bedroom wall. Because Stephen Merchant is just that awesome.

[dromer]

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GlaDos has had PLENTY of chances to kill you throughout the game. When Wheatly first wakes her up she could have just crushed your spine with her grabby-claw. She could have dropped you into a pit of acid, or a room full of turrets pointing at you. She can reconfigure the test chambers, remember. Basically up until the point when Wheatley shouts RUN and you break out of the testing chambers you are completely at her mercy.

It's just that She Dosn't Want To Kill You (Yet). Maybe it's her need for test subjects, or her playing with you, but she dosn't want to kill you.

By the end, GlaDoS has realized that all you really want to do is be free, and that you are very, very, very good at not being killed.
From her perspective, she has two choices
Option 1: Try to kill the person who has taken down TWO AI's with the same capabilities she has now (one of which was her), and has survived everything that has been thrown at her. Result, Chell is gone.
Option 2: Let Chell Go, give her what she wants and let her leave. No fuss, no muss, no trying (again) to kill her, just let her leave. Result, Chell is Gone.
By that point in the Story, GlaDoS no longer hates you. She has no reason to kill you except to get rid of you, and letting you go serves that purpose just fine.

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GLaDOS says she's growing a conscience. She can't kill Chell because she knows it's wrong. In Portal 1, it was the morality core. In Portal 2, it was her desire to torture you, and during the second half, it was because of Caroline.