Am I the only guy

[grimbold]

who doesnt objectify girls?
Most of the other guys I know are always objectifying girls and treating them as toys and not bothering to get to know them before dating them. They really just pick up random girls off the street. I don't do this and guys mock me. I actually end up talking to a lot of girls and as a consequence i have a lot of girls who like me for who i am (Despite my having a girlfriend). Another consequence of me actually getting to know girls is that i have girlfriends who stay with me for like 6+ months not 6 or so days.
so am i the only guy who doesn't objectify girls or am i just some sort of social freak?

[Fifty-Eyed Fred]

You are certainly not. Perhaps you are hanging around with the wrong people; the vast majority of people I know do not.

[Moff Chumley]

I can't think of a single male playgrounder off the top of my head who does. Well, okay, there's one or two. You know who you are. Most of my male friends in real life are perfectly respectful of their girlfriends, if not the other way around...

Look, I'm sorry you're getting mocked, but you're in a large minority, if not a majority on this issue.

[Perenelle]

While I do know guys like that, most of the guys I know (and probably most guys in general) are completely different. You're certainly not alone. I agree with Fred, maybe you're around the wrong people.

[The Dark Fiddler]

No, you aren't. And, the internet being what it is, I'm not quite sure how much you were joking

I mean, looking around my school, I can certainly see why you'd think that; the thought's crossed my mind as well (never very seriously of course). It goes both ways though, and sometimes I wonder if my girlfriend isn't the only girl who doesn't objectify men

[grimbold]

I agree with Fred, maybe you're around the wrong people.

the thing is in high school most people dont get this whole concept of respecting girls so its weird

[Perenelle]

the thing is in high school most people dont get this whole concept of respecting girls so its weird

I dunno, I'm in high school and I know lots of guys who treat their girlfriends like angels and respect everything they say. There's definitely little social groups who treat girls like their property, but the majority of people at my high school treat girls with the same respect as everyone else.

[grimbold]

well the guys treat girls they know with respect, but random people they dont know
its like wow...
how can you go up to a girl and say that?

[Sacrieur]

I've been called a feminist by women.

[The Dark Fiddler]

well the guys treat girls they know with respect, but random people they dont know
its like wow...
how can you go up to a girl and say that?

I don't know if it's the same with you, but at my school it's largely the same few people that will say objectifying things, but they just happen to be really loud, obnoxious, and everywhere, so it seems worse than it is.

I've also noticed it's the same type of girls that will respon to them positively (that is, a small group of loud, obnoxious, everywhere-people).

[Jallorn]

I know people of both sexes who are shallow like that about the other sex. I am not one of them.

[grimbold]

I've been called a feminist by women.

so have i actually

[Kobold-Bard]

who doesnt objectify girls?
...

"Yes, you are the only one. Women are objects to be owned and shown off and nothing more, and only those of a rating of 7.5/10 or higher are even worth acknowledging."

Is that the sort of answer you were expecting to get to this thread? Of course you're not the only guy who doesn't immediately decide whether someone is worth their time based on their looks. And even if you were, do you expect people to say so and subject themselves to abuse from all the outraged playgrounders?

[ZombyWoof]

the thing is in high school most people dont get this whole concept of respecting girls so its weird

Maybe in your high school In my high school treating a girlfriend like crap was, you know, stupid. You don't randomly catcall girls unless they're your friends/girlfriends and you know they'll recognize it as humor.

Also there is nothing wrong with casual dating. If these guys just want a quick lay, that's perfectly fine. There is nothing wrong with sex and there is nothing wrong with wanting sex. In fact, I would go as far to say that it is not objectification to want to have sex with someone just because they're very attractive: that's what's called "normal human behavior." It's up to the girls to say "no" if they don't want casual sex... just like it's my job to say "no" if I don't want to have another drink. No one's holding me down and shoving a beer down my throat (that would be assault), and (I hope) no one's holding down these girls and forcing them to go out with these guys.

Does it hurt the girls? Damn I hope so! People don't learn how hot the stove is until they touch it and get burned.

Also, you have a superiority complex and you think of yourself as somehow "better" than other guys, which actually honestly makes me wonder. Most guys who white knight like you are doing here actually don't tend to have girlfriends or even friends who are girls. I honestly suggest that you grow up a bit and stop worrying so much about how these guys appear to be treating the girls around you because you probably do not know the whole story. In fact, as a general rule of thumb, being this judgmental is a bad thing.

@Grimbold, teenagers are wallowing cesspools of over-expressed hormones. They're going to act like jerks. Deal with it.

[Perenelle]

well the guys treat girls they know with respect, but random people they dont know
its like wow...
how can you go up to a girl and say that?

I still think it's just the group of people you're around. If they're mocking you for being respectful towards girls then they're definitely not worth your time.

They're also stupid for acting like you're strange for not being a jerk.

[Shyftir]

No.

But honestly there are three kinds of guys who objectify women.

Type 1:
Objectifies women but not so much on purpose as hormones. (Or because its cool, etc.)

Type 2:
Objectifies women, but is great at faking like they don't. (Because they've figured out that girls won't usually let you get close if they think you are the objectifying kind.)

Type 3:
Totally blatant objectifying. They are jerks and too dumb to hide it.


and then those who don't.

Type 4:
Are fully aware that women are people too, but are sometimes very nervous over their femininity. they are not objectifying just shy.

Type 5:
Have very good relationships with women without much awkwardness.

Guess which types or most common.

[grimbold]

@Grimbold, teenagers are wallowing cesspools of over-expressed hormones. They're going to act like jerks. Deal with it.

i will remember that

i was just getting a little desperate and i needed some reassurance
i have had...
a very rough weekend

[Bang!]

who doesnt objectify girls?
Most of the other guys I know are always objectifying girls and treating them as toys and not bothering to get to know them before dating them.

Dating can be a way to get to know someone.

Dating/not dating doesn't mean you're objectifying/getting to know a person. It just means you're dating/not dating.

[ZombyWoof]

Honestly there are four types of guys in this world:

1) People who are jerks, but are also shy so you don't tend to notice they're jerks.

2) People who are jerks, also they are loud so you tend to notice them a lot.

3) People who are not jerks, but are very shy so you don't notice them.

4) People who are not jerks, and are not shy. But because society focuses so much on the awful aspect and because doing the right thing is so... bland... you don't notice these people either.

Honestly, read this comic and realize that by "calling out guys and calling them all jerks on an internet forum" you don't belong to the fourth group at all. You belong to the second group.

[Morph Bark]

Personally, I don't much have a problem with guys or girls objectifying the other sex. Outside of that, many of them are genuinely good folks anyhoo and pretty okay to be around. I have more trouble accepting people who act as if all of the other sex objectifies theirs. (This also can similarly be expanded to non-heterosexual people who follow similar lines of thought.)


EDIT: ZombyWoof, you might just also add "5. People who aren't jerks, but seem like jerks due to circumstances".

[golentan]

Nope. I treat women with the exact same respect I give men.

Which is to say, very little by default. Misanthropy, meet feminism.

But I'm hardly going to be attracted to someone I don't respect (goes for men as well). If we can't hold a nice conversation, if I can't treat you as one of my closest friends, confide and be confided in... well, I want no part of that relationship, and am not going to get involved until I know beforehand that I can have that closeness and shared respect by virtue of existing experience.

[grimbold]

EDIT: ZombyWoof, you might just also add "5. People who aren't jerks, but seem like jerks due to circumstances".

thank you for this
i have had the worst weekend
i was with the most misogynist person ever all weekend and my patience is being tested
i have had 6 hours of sleep in the last 3 days and i have had it with all the misogyny this weekend has brought me and i need reassurance that the world is not horrible

[ZombyWoof]

People change And I think in this case I'm more trying to say "acting like" rather than "are." I don't think people really "are" anything in particular. Like, I'm not a nice guy, I just "act" nice most of the time... just like I'm sure Grimbold isn't a judgmental person, he's just "acting" judgmental here.

So pardon my wording

But it is an important distinction: these girls are allowed to associate or choose to not associate with these "jerks" as they choose. By ripping into their boyfriends you are disrespecting their choices. Just realize that. And that's not to say it's a bad thing: a lot of people make horrible decisions that they should not be allowed to make. It's just that you need to be very careful when you get upset about the way person A treats person B lest you become person A and make them person B.

[grimbold]

But it is an important distinction: these girls are allowed to associate or choose to not associate with these "jerks" as they choose. By ripping into their boyfriends you are disrespecting their choices. Just realize that. And that's not to say it's a bad thing: a lot of people make horrible decisions that they should not be allowed to make. It's just that you need to be very careful when you get upset about the way person A treats person B lest you become person A and make them person B.

the thing is its not their boyfriends its just random people on the street

[ZombyWoof]

Like... how? And don't say "they say how attractive the girls they see are" or things like that. Commenting on how attractive someone is isn't objectifying them.

[grimbold]

Like... how? And don't say "they say how attractive the girls they see are" or things like that. Commenting on how attractive someone is isn't objectifying them.

its more like walking up to girls
and literally asking them to a one night stand just out of nowhere
or calling them a b**** or something like that

[ZombyWoof]

its more like walking up to girls
and literally asking them to a one night stand just out of nowhere

That's not really "objectifying" or "being a jerk." There is nothing wrong with wanting to have sex with someone who is attractive.

or calling them a b**** or something like that

That's just weird. Why would they walk up to some random person and insult them? If they're insulting them when they're rejected then LOL! LOL! They're going to die alone. Let karma take over

[Perenelle]

That's not really "objectifying" or "being a jerk." There is nothing wrong with wanting to have sex with someone who is attractive.

I agree, but walking up to a random person and asking if they want to have sex is rather odd... I know I would be insulted if a guy I didn't know came up and asked me something like that.

[Bhu]

who doesnt objectify girls?
Most of the other guys I know are always objectifying girls and treating them as toys and not bothering to get to know them before dating them. They really just pick up random girls off the street. I don't do this and guys mock me. I actually end up talking to a lot of girls and as a consequence i have a lot of girls who like me for who i am (Despite my having a girlfriend). Another consequence of me actually getting to know girls is that i have girlfriends who stay with me for like 6+ months not 6 or so days.
so am i the only guy who doesn't objectify girls or am i just some sort of social freak?

You aren't alone, but you aren't necessarily common depending on where you live. Long ago when I was in high school boys were pretty much taught "Tell them what they want to hear, get in, get out before they trap you by becoming pregnant or blackmailing you into marriage." Girls were taught "No sex or even dating until you can find one who can support you for life, and then get pregnant as fast as possible."

20 some years later almost everyone in my generation is divorced, bitter, and judgemental of the opposite sex, and their parents don't understand how this is possible when they're the ones who set their kids up for failure. Even among guys in the local schools now there's a belief that women only respect you if you treat them like total crap because their moms and dads are repeating the same advice their parents gave them. It's a matter of parents responsibly educating their children about relationships, instead of passing on failed belief systems.

[ZombyWoof]

I agree, but walking up to a random person and asking if they want to have sex is rather odd... I know I would be insulted if a guy I didn't know came up and asked me something like that.

Insulted? Really? That seems like an overreaction. Weirded out, maybe, or creeped out, but I'm curious as to why you would be insulted to find out someone thought you were attractive.