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    Ettin in the Playground
     
    PairO'Dice Lost's Avatar

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    Dec 2008
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    Malsheem, Nessus
    Gender
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    Default "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    A certain thread in the Roleplaying Games forum was heavily derailed by an attempt to collectively write a D&D-ified version of Bohemian Rhapsody, and after others chipped in with their D&D-ified songs it was decided to split the project off into its own thread to stop the derail. I've collected the songs posted in that thread for everyone's enjoyment; feel free to discuss and tweak them (Rhapsody still isn't quite in a complete form) and of course feel free to submit some of your own, the more the better.

    D&D Rhapsody by the Playground
    Spoiler
    Show
    Is this the real life?
    Is this just fantasy?
    Took 8d6 in a landslide...
    No Plane Shift from reality...

    Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see!
    I'm just a VoP Monk, I need no sympathy...
    'Cause I'm easy come, easy go.
    rollin' high, rollin' low,
    Any way the die rolls
    Doesn't really matter to me. To me...

    Mama, Coup-de-Grace'd a man
    Put a crossbow to his head,
    Failed his Fort save, now he's dead.
    Mama, CharGen had just begun...
    Throw away my sheet at level 1!
    Mama oOoh, Didn't mean to cast that die,
    Natural 1, I won't be adventurin' tomorrow!
    Carry on! Carry on, cause this PC didn't matter.

    Too late, my init has come...
    Shivering Touch rolls down my spine,
    Dex damage aching all the time.
    Mama, the game had just begun.
    But now I've gone and thrown my books away.
    I don't wanna die, I sometimes wish I'd never rolled stats at all!

    I see a little silhouetto of a mage!
    Saving throw! Saving throw! What is your Fortitude!?
    Fireballs and lightning! Fear is very fright'ning to me!
    Gary Gygax (Gary Gygax) Gary Gygax (Gary Gygax) Gary Gygax wrote em all! He wrote them aah-ah-ah-all.
    I'm just a VoP Monk, nobody loves me.
    He's just a VoP Monk, from a lawful family!
    Spare his HP from this monstrosity!
    Easy save, easy hit, will you let me roll?
    Saving throw: NONE! We will not let you roll.
    (Spell Resistance)
    Saving throw: NONE! We will not let you roll.
    (Spell Resistance)
    Will not let you roll!
    (Spell Resist)
    Will not let you roll!
    (Penetratio-o-o-on!)
    Roll! Roll! Roll! Roll! Roll! Roll! Roll!
    Oh Bahamut! Oh Bahamut! Oh Bahamut, let me roll!
    Asmodeus has a Pit Fiend set aside for me!
    For me! For ME!

    [Perform: Guitar, Solo DC: 24]

    So you think you can stop me with that No-Save-Just-Die!?
    So you beat my resistance by rolling real high!?
    Oh baby, party got me res'd baby!
    Just gotta port out, gonna teleport outta here!

    This campaign's really ending, Tier 1's ruining my day...
    This campaign's really ending,
    This campaign really ends in...TPK

    Cause that's the way the dice roll...


    My Favorite Things by The_Snark
    Spoiler
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    Robes of archmagi and petrified kittens
    Cloaks of resistance and spell-storing mittens
    Bags of devouring tied up with string
    These are a few of my favorite things

    Rings of evasion and iron bands of binding
    Ioun stones and fire staves and potions of finding
    A deck of illusions that's missing the king
    These are a few of my favorite things

    Bracers of armor and rings of protection
    Shields enchanted with arrow deflection
    Those funny horseshoes that can give your horse wings
    These are a few of my favorite things

    When the hellhound bites
    When the wyvern stings
    When my health looks bad,
    I add in the bonus from my favorite things
    And then I don't feel... sooo bad!


    If I Were a Mind Flayer by The_Snark
    Spoiler
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    (spoken)
    "DM, I've made many, many human characters.
    I realize, of course, that there's nothing wrong with being human.
    But it's not that interesting either!
    So would it be so terrible if I had just a +7 LA?"


    If I were a mind flayer,
    Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
    All day long I'd biddy biddy brains,
    If I were an il-li-thid!
    Wouldn't have to learn things,
    Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
    If I were a biddy biddy squid,
    Yidle-diddle-didle-illi-thid.

    I'd build a great stone statue with thralls by the dozen,
    Right in the middle of the town.
    A twenty-foot monument with blasphemous runes below.
    There would be one rune that's a four-sided pentagon,
    And one sphere with 350º,
    And a triangle with two right angles, just for show!

    I'd eat my fill of wizards and leaders and rich men,
    Just to absorb their juicy brains.
    And each great sec-ret and PIN number and artwork,
    Would further my long and glorious reign.
    They would say "There goes an illithid."

    If I were a mind flayer,
    Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
    All day long I'd biddy biddy brains,
    If I were an il-li-thid!
    Wouldn't have to learn things,
    Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
    If I were a biddy biddy squid,
    Yidle-diddle-didle-illi-thid.

    I'd see my party, those morons, suitably enthralled
    With eyes fogged, blankly white and glazed.
    Obeying my whims to my heart's delight.
    I see them giving their lives many times to protect me.
    Oh, maybe I'll even have them raised!
    Scrambling to my bidding, day and night.

    The most important people in the world would have to fawn on me!
    They would need me to advise them,
    Because I didn't leave them free will.
    "If you please, Lord Illithid..."
    "Pardon me, Lord Illithid..."
    Giving me power that would give a devil chills!
    And it won't make one bit of difference if I answer right or wrong;
    When you're a mind flayer, you don't have to care!

    If I ate brains, I'd have the knowledge that I lack
    To cast spells and sneak and Know: Nature.
    And listen to the gods gossip in their halls.
    And I could suck secrets right out of anybody,
    As an at-will ability.
    That would be the coolest thing of all.

    If I were a mind flayer,
    Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
    All day long I'd biddy biddy brains,
    If I were an il-li-thid!
    Wouldn't have to learn things,
    Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
    If I were a biddy biddy squid,
    Yidle-diddle-didle-illi-thid.

    DM who governs the options of the players!
    You decree when we go and where!
    Would it spoil some vast detailed lair?
    If... I were a mind flaaayeeer?!"


    It's Still D&D To Me by PairO'Dice Lost
    Spoiler
    Show
    What's the matter with the cloak I'm wearing,
    Can't you tell it's Cha +5?
    Wishin' I could buy more magic items....

    Welcome back to the Sigil Hive.
    What's the dark on where you've been lately, cutter?
    You can't buy magic, are you some kinda nutter?
    Everybody's talkin' 'bout the new game,
    Funny, but it's still D&D to me.

    What's the matter with the mount I'm riding?
    That you pulled it from an Upper Plane.
    Should I get a set of +1 flaming horseshoes?
    Oh, sure, why not add demon bane?
    In the old days, it was more than just a pony;
    Now that it's a summon, it's just plain phony!
    2nd edition, 3rd edition, either way it's my edition,
    Still D&D to me.

    Oh, it doesn't matter what they say in Dragon,
    'Cause it's always been the same old scene:
    There's a new game in town
    But you can't play around with reviews in a magazine
    Aimed at your average teen!

    How about a charge-spec Paladin 5
    With some dips for a feat or three?

    You might really like a plain 10 Fighter...
    ...well, it always worked fine for me....
    We didn't need feats from a half-dozen splatbooks,
    Our Fighting-Men thrived on a good set of plot hooks!
    THAC0, Base Attack, the difference don't mean jack—
    It's still D&D to me.

    What's the matter with the spell I'm casting?
    Don't you know it has a range of touch!?
    With the new rules I can cast in melee
    And not worry about miscasts too much.

    Don't you know new casters have it easy?
    The thought of any damage used to make them queasy!
    Armored mages, spellbook pages, even with all these changes
    It's still D&D to me.

    Everybody's talkin' 'bout the new game
    Funny, but it's still D&D to me.


    We Didn't Cast The [Fire] by Talya
    Spoiler
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    Melee combat, T.O.B.
    3rd, Three Point Five, or Four-E
    Wizards, Monks or Sorcerers
    CoDzilla versus Rangers

    Jarlaxle's wide brimmed hat
    Monkey Grip don't work like that
    D&D or Exalted?
    Working as intended?

    We didn't cast the [Fire].
    But it's constantly burning
    As the rounds are turning.
    We didn't cast the [Fire].
    No we didn't light her
    Cause we play a fighter

    Exalted is too anime
    Dragonbloods are often gay
    Small Daiklaives are epic fail
    Hot Bikini Chainmail!

    Should he run DMPCs?
    Leadership is so O.P.
    My DM makes me want to hurl
    Physics slaughters cat-girls.

    We didn't cast the [Fire].
    But it's constantly burning
    As the rounds are turning.
    We didn't cast the [Fire].
    No we didn't light her
    Cause we play a fighter

    Divination - Can we scry?
    Evocation sucks, you'll die
    Enchantment is hard to use
    Illusion's easily abused

    Will this make my Pally fall?
    Can I drop an Iron Wall?
    This game is to much like WoW
    Damage calc from falling cows

    We didn't cast the [Fire].
    But it's constantly burning
    As the rounds are turning.
    We didn't cast the [Fire].
    No we didn't light her
    Cause we play a fighter

    Faerun, Greyhawk, Eberron
    Star Wars Saga will live on
    Creation, or Shadowrun
    Rokugan, maybe Dark Sun

    Can I do this under RAW?
    Good and Evil, Chaos - Law
    Rabid, nasty version wars!
    I can't take it anymore!

    We didn't cast the [Fire].
    But it's constantly burning
    As the rounds are turning.
    We didn't cast the [Fire].
    No we didn't light her
    Cause we play a fighter


    The Day The Party Buffer Died by Morph Bark
    Spoiler
    Show
    A long, long time ago
    I can still remember how
    Bardic music used to make me smile.
    Give our bard//cleric just one round,
    he'd pray a bit and strum a sound
    That granted 4d6 damage for a while.

    But in one combat we did blunder--
    Let him get hit with a rod of wonder;
    Before he cast a heal spell,
    He got hit with death knell.

    I can't remember if I cried
    to lose death ward and battletide.
    It was a loss for the PC side
    The day our buffer died.

    So bye-bye, buffer who couldn’t fly
    Rode my warhorse to the guildhouse
    But the guildhouse was fried
    And them good ol’ boys were drinkin’ ale and wine
    And singin’ “this’ll be the day that I die”
    “This’ll be the day that I die”

    Did you write a book of spells,
    And can you cast antilife shell,
    After preparing for an hour?
    Do you believe in rocks fallin’,
    Can music keep death stallin’,
    And can you help me when things turn sour?

    Well, I know that you’re in love with her
    ‘cause I saw you sparrin’ at the church.
    You both let go of your magic boons,
    Man, I dig those funky tunes.

    I was a lonely teenage broncin’ gnome
    With a crazy hat so far away from home,
    But I knew I was out of luck
    The day our buffer died.

    I started singin’
    “bye-bye, buffer who couldn’t fly”
    Rode my warhorse to the guildhouse
    But the guildhouse was fried
    And them good ol’ boys were drinkin’ ale and wine
    And singin’ “this’ll be the day that I die”
    “This’ll be the day that I die”

    Now for ten years we’ve been on our own
    And moss grows fat on a rollin’ stone,
    But gods know it didn’t use to be.
    When the bardic one sang for kings and queens,
    In a coat he’d stolen for its sheen
    And a voice that came from you and me,

    Oh, and while the king was looking down,
    The bardic one stole all the crowns,
    The courtroom was adjourned;
    No stone was left unturned.
    And while Vecna read a Book so Vile,
    The party practiced in the park,
    And sang dirges in the Underdark,
    The day our buffer died.

    We were singing,
    “bye-bye, buffer who couldn’t fly”
    Rode my warhorse to the guildhouse
    But the guildhouse was fried
    And them good ol’ boys were drinkin’ ale and wine
    And singin’ “this’ll be the day that I die”
    “This’ll be the day that I die”

    Wibble wobble in a timely hobble,
    The dragons flew up from the cobble,
    Endless highs and falling fast.
    It landed foul of Sigil’s crass.
    The players tried for a forward charge,
    With the bardic one far from the marge.

    The adventure air was sweet perfume
    While our fifth wheel played a marching tune.
    We all got up to dance,
    Oh, but we never got the chance!
    ‘cause the players tried to take the field;
    The monstrous band refused to yield.
    Do you recall what was unveiled?
    The day our buffer died?

    We started singing,
    “bye-bye, buffer who couldn’t fly”
    Rode my warhorse to the guildhouse
    But the guildhouse was fried
    And them good ol’ boys were drinkin’ ale and wine
    And singin’ “this’ll be the day that I die”
    “This’ll be the day that I die”

    Oh, and there we were all in one space,
    Squeezin’ in that tiny space
    With no round left to cast a spell.
    So come on: Gimble nimble, Gimble quick!
    Gimble sat on a candlestick
    Cause fire is low-light vision’s friend.

    Oh, and as I watched him on the stage
    My face contorted in a fit of rage.
    No Solar borne of Abyss
    Could stop all the haters.
    And as the flames climbed high into the night
    To light the sacrificial rite,
    I saw Orcus laughing with delight
    The day our buffer died

    He was singin’
    “bye-bye, buffer who couldn’t fly”
    Rode my warhorse to the guildhouse
    But the guildhouse was fried
    And them good ol’ boys were drinkin’ ale and wine
    And singin’ “this’ll be the day that I die”
    “This’ll be the day that I die”

    I met an elf who sang the blues
    And I asked her for some happy news,
    But she just stared and walked away.
    I went down to the magic store
    Where I first heard him play before,
    But with him gone, the music no longer plays.

    And in the streets the Halflings screamed,
    The goblinds cried and the psions dreamed.
    But not a word was spoke;
    The temple bells had broken.
    And the four men I admire so:
    The wizard, cleric, fighter and rogue,
    They caught the last train for the coast
    The day our buffer died.

    And they were singin’,
    “bye-bye, buffer who couldn’t fly”
    Rode my warhorse to the guildhouse
    But the guildhouse was fried
    And them good ol’ boys were drinkin’ ale and wine
    And singin’ “this’ll be the day that I die”
    “This’ll be the day that I die”

    They were singin’,
    “bye-bye, buffer who couldn’t fly”
    Rode my warhorse to the guildhouse
    But the guildhouse was fried
    And them good ol’ boys were drinkin’ ale and wine
    And singin’ “this’ll be the day that I die”
    “This’ll be the day that I die”


    Kobold Man by Asthix
    Spoiler
    Show
    Kobold man, Kobold man
    Doing the things that a Kobold can
    What's he like? It's not important
    Kobold man

    Is he a gnome, or is he a bear?
    Where in the heck did he get all that hair?
    If we shave it all off is there a svart under there?
    Nobody knows, kobold man


    Illithid man, Illithid man
    Illithid man hates Kobold Man
    They have a fight, Illithid wins
    Illithid man

    Paladin Man, Paladin man
    Doing the things a paladin can
    Forced to be kind to smaller man
    Paladin man

    He's got a sword with a physical blade,
    An ethereal blade and a truth telling blade
    And when they meet to waste things are laid,
    Powerful man, Paladin man

    Flumph man, Flumph man
    Hit on the head with PC's again
    repeatedly dumped in a garbage can
    Flumph man

    When going out he has to risk
    Before long he'll be shaped like a disc
    Who came up with Flumph man?
    My money's on Don Turnbull man

    Illithid man, Illithid man
    Illithid man hates Flumph man
    They have a fight, Illithid wins
    Illithid man

    (*Rockin accordion solo!)


    Con of the Rising Sun by Eldan
    Spoiler
    Show
    There is a con, that's held each year
    It's called the Ge-en Con
    And it's been the ruin of many a gamer
    And you know I am one.

    My DM was a grognard
    He played the oldest style
    My DM, he invited me
    To that Indiana Con

    Now the only thing a gamer needs,
    Is a pencil and some dice.
    But the only time he's satisfied
    Is with a ton of books.

    Oh DMs tell your players
    Not to do what I have done.
    Spend your bucks on books and miniatures
    At that Indiana Con.

    Well, I've got a book in my backpack
    Another book on the chair
    I'm goin' back to that great Con
    To buy two bags of books.

    There is a con, that's held each year
    It's called the Ge-en Con
    And it's been the ruin of many a gamer
    And you know I am one.


    Henry the Eighth Fighting-Man by Ravens_cry
    Spoiler
    Show
    I'm Henry the Eighth I am,
    Henry the Eighth I am, I am,
    I died to another Gas Spore,
    I've been killed seven times before,
    And every one was an Henry, (Henry!)
    I wouldn't play a Willy or Sam, ( No Sam!)
    I'm the eighth Fighting Man named Henry,
    Henry the Eighth I am!

    Second Verse, same as the first,

    I'm Henry the Eighth I am,
    Henry the Eighth I am, I am,
    I died to another Gas Spore,
    I've been killed seven times before,
    And every one was an Henry, (Henry!)
    I wouldn't play a Willy or Sam ( No Sam!)
    I'm the eighth Fighting Man named Henry,
    Henry the Eighth I am!
    [guitar riff]
    I'm Henry the Eighth I am,
    Henry the Eighth I am, I am,
    I died to another Gas Spore,
    I've been killed seven times before,
    And every one was an Henry, (Henry!)
    I wouldn't play a Willy or Sam ( No Sam!)
    I'm the eighth Fighting Man named Henry,
    Henry the Eighth I am!


    H-E-N-R-Y
    Henry (Henry!)
    Henry (Henry!)
    Henry the Eighth I am, I am
    Maybe next I'll play a ma'am!


    Hellfire by Kallisti
    Spoiler
    Show

    Lights--church interior. Parishioner/gamers are gathered around an altar on which rests a crucifix, a map, minis, dice, books, and an unholy amount of soda and chips. At the far end of the altar, behind the screen, stands a minister. Since this will never actually be performed, we'll cast Sir Patrick Stewart as the minister. Not because he does anything but stand there behind the DM screen looking vaguely menacing, but because Patrick Stewart is awesome.

    Choir of Gamers:
    Confiteor DM Omnipotenti,
    Felicis Aleator Semper Virgini,
    Beato Gygax Archangelo,
    Sanctis Artifexis,
    Omnibus Cultor,

    The session freezes, spotlight ('cause of course there's a spotlight in the rafters of this imaginary church) on the gamer directly across the altar/table from the DM. This is Frollo.

    Frollo:
    Beata Maria, you know I am a righteous man,
    Of my virtue I am justly proud
    (Choir: Et tibi, Fortis:)
    Beata Maria, you know I'm so much purer than
    The common, vulgar, weak, licentious crowd
    (Choir: Quia bravere nimis,)

    Then tell me, Maria, why I feel it in my hand,
    How my fingers still can itch to roll
    (Choir: Cogitatione,)
    I feel them, I see them,
    The minis on their hand-drawn grid
    Are moving in me out of all control
    (Choir: Verbo et opere.)

    Like fire,
    Hellfire,
    This fire in my skin!
    This burning
    Desire...
    Are dice a deadly sin?

    It's not my fault! (Choir: Alea jacta!)
    I'm not to blame! (Choir: Alea jacta!)
    It was that wicked man, Gygax, who set this flame! (Choir: Alea adusque jacta!)

    It's not my fault (Choir: Alea jacta!)
    If in God's plan (Choir: Alea jacta!)
    He made the Dev team so much stronger than a man! (Choir: Alea adusque jacta!)

    Oh, screw it, Maria
    (To DM) I use my fifth-level spell
    Let the fire sear their flesh and bone!
    I admit I'm a gamer!
    Now I cast Anti-Life Shell;
    This chokepoint will be mine and mine alone!
    (Another gamer, spoken): Hey, Mister Frollo? One monster has escaped.
    (Frollo, spoken): What? Nowhere in the cathedral?
    (Gamer, spoken): It's gone.
    (Frollo, spoken): Goddammit, you were the tank, you idiot. I'll find it. I'll find it if I have to burn every last spell slot!
    Hellfire,
    Dark fire,
    Finally it's my turn
    I'll suffer the fire
    I'll game though I must burn!

    (Cut to: Frollo in FLGS, loading up on RPG supplies. He has accepted that he's hooked, and if Jack Chick is right and that's a mortal sin, so be it.)
    (Choir: Kyrie eleison)
    (Frollo looks at the assembled gamers in the store) God have mercy on them
    (Choir: Kyrie eleison)
    (Frollo realizes he has joined their ranks) God have mercy on me
    (Choir: Kyrie eleison)
    (Stares longingly at dice, books, etc.) But they will be mine or I will burn!


    Wizard (Not Magic-User) by Pentachoron
    Spoiler
    Show
    Wizard was Magic-User
    Now it's Wizard, not Magic-User
    Been a long time gone, Magic-User
    Now it's specialist vs generalist

    Every gal that's a Magic-User
    Is now a Wizard, not Magic-User
    So if you've a date with a Magic-User
    You should be looking for a Wizard

    Even D&D was once called Chainmail
    Why they changed it I can't say
    Gygax just liked it better that way

    So take me back to Magic-Users
    No, you can't go back to Magic-Users
    Been a long time gone, Magic-Users
    Why did Magic-Users get the works?
    That's nobody's business but TSR's

    Wizard (Wizard)
    Wizard (Wizard)

    Even D&D was once called Chainmail
    Why they changed it I can't say
    Gygax just liked it better that way

    Wizard was Magic-User
    Now it's Wizard, not Magic-User
    Been a long time gone, Magic-User
    Why did Magic-Users get the works?
    That's nobody's business but TSR's

    So take me back to Magic-Users
    No, you can't go back to Magic-Users
    Been a long time gone, Magic-Users
    Why did Magic-Users get the works?
    That's nobody's business but TSR's

    Wi-i-zard.


    I Love the D&D World by Morph Bark
    Spoiler
    Show
    I love the dungeons
    I love the blood red skies
    I love planeshifting
    I love when dire sharks fly
    I love the Planescape
    And all Perception checks
    Boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da

    I love the Oceanus
    I love those mephit things
    I love to get hasted
    I love Dark Sun's kings
    I love the Planescape
    And Insanity rules
    Boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da

    I love the deathless
    I love illithids
    I love backstories
    I love to fight in Pits
    I love the Planescape
    Its such a prismatic place
    Boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da
    Boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da
    Boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da
    Boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da
    Boom-de-ah-da...


    My Best Friend's Gear by JabberwockySupafly
    Spoiler
    Show
    She's always storming down the halls
    with my Elven chain +5
    And now every new mook that you meet
    doesn't know the real surprise

    (Here she crits again)
    When she's slashing up a new bad guy.
    Oo, she didn't use a shield
    (Here she hits again)
    When she's putting an arrow through their eye
    I kinda like the she dual wields
    Well, it's my best friend's gear
    It's my best friend's gear
    But it used to be mine

    You've got my ogre-strength gloves
    and my haste-enchanted boots
    When I have to roll a new character
    It's my body you loot, o-oot,o-oot

    (Here she saves again)
    She's got my amulet of saves +5
    Yeah, she did a flip
    (Here's a success again)
    She's got my ring that lets you always take 5
    I can't wait for her to slip
    Cause it's my best friend's gear
    Well, it's my best friend's gear
    And it used to be mine
    The DM says I whine.

    She's always storming down the halls
    with my Elven Chain +5
    And now every new mook that you meet
    doesn't know the real surprise.

    (Here she cleaves again)
    She's using power attack +5
    (Here she charges again)
    Oh, she'll leave 'em prone
    (Here she crits again)
    Her last attack left nothing alive
    (here she rolls again)
    I can't believe, can't believe she got my Luck Stone
    Cause it's my best friend's gear
    It's my best frined's gear-a-ear-a-ear
    It used to be mine
    The DM says, don't whine

    (My best friend's gear)
    Oh
    (My best friend's gear)
    It used to be mine
    (My best friend's gear)
    Yeah yeah
    (My best friend's gear)
    I said it used to be mine
    (My best friend's gear)
    Oh, yeah yeah yeah
    (My best friend's gear)
    It used to be mine
    (My best friend's gear)...
    Last edited by PairO'Dice Lost; 2011-05-16 at 12:51 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by abadguy View Post
    Darn you PoDL for making me care about a bunch of NPC Commoners!
    Won a cookie for this, won everything for this

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    Titan in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    I had some parodies written up a while back that I think I might still have. Let's take a good look around in those old files...

    Also there is the one based off We Didn't Start The Fire by Billy Joel. I think Talya (?) wrote it (not sure if that was the right name).

    EDIT: Confirmed. Here.
    Last edited by Morph Bark; 2011-05-06 at 04:32 PM.
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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    I am sort of green, and I approve this thread.
    Quotes:
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    Quote Originally Posted by Claudius Maximus View Post
    Also fixed the money issue by sacrificing a goat.
    Quote Originally Posted by subject42 View Post
    This board needs a "you're technically right but I still want to crawl into the fetal position and cry" emoticon.
    Quote Originally Posted by Yukitsu View Post
    I define [optimization] as "the process by which one attains a build meeting all mechanical and characterization goals set out by the creator prior to its creation."
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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    ohmigod this is brilliant
    try
    Hey There Cthulu
    :)
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    Quote Originally Posted by PsychedelicBard View Post
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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    Quote Originally Posted by PairO'Dice Lost View Post
    It's Still D&D To Me by PairO'Dice Lost
    That. Is. Awesome.
    Knowledge is power.
    Power corrupts.
    Study hard.
    Be evil.

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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    Quote Originally Posted by Savannah View Post
    That. Is. Awesome.
    I aim to please.
    Better to DM in Baator than play in Celestia
    You can just call me Dice; that's how I roll.


    Spoiler: Sig of Holding
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    Quote Originally Posted by abadguy View Post
    Darn you PoDL for making me care about a bunch of NPC Commoners!
    Won a cookie for this, won everything for this

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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    I hate this thread man, its just a sell out. Now the old thread, that was cool, but its probably one you've never heard about.
    π = 4
    Consider a 5' radius blast: this affects 4 squares which have a circumference of 40' — Actually it's worse than that.


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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    Quote Originally Posted by nedz View Post
    I hate this thread man, its just a sell out. Now the old thread, that was cool, but its probably one you've never heard about.
    made my day
    nedz
    you are pretty clever
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    Quote Originally Posted by PsychedelicBard View Post
    I think we can all agree in one thing. Metal + Pirates = Awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by VanBuren View Post
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    Thanks to Cheesepirate for the awesome avatar
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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    Quote Originally Posted by nedz View Post
    I hate this thread man, its just a sell out. Now the old thread, that was cool, but its probably one you've never heard about.
    No man. This thread is cool. PairO'Dice Lost started it ironically.



    We didn't cast the [Fire] for the wins.

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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    This thread is awesome. Now, quick! Make more songs!
    Awesome Pony-Chul by slayerx!
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    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    Anyone want to try to make some of their own? I have some ideas if people need inspiration:

    Thought Bottle with apologies to Jim Croce
    If I could save XP in a bottle,
    The first thing that I'd like to do
    Is to "save" every day, in case I end up passing away
    While combating a grue.
    ...

    Gaming Day with apologies to the Beatles
    Yesterday,
    All those bad rolls seemed so far away,
    Now it looks like bad luck's here to stay,
    Oh, I roll 1s on gaming day.
    ...

    The Day the Party Buffer Died with apologies to Don McLean
    A long, long time ago
    I can still remember how
    Bardic music used to make me smile.
    Give our bard//cleric just one round, he'd pray a bit and strum a sound
    That granted 4d6 damage for a while.
    But in one combat we did blunder--
    Let him get hit with a rod of wonder;
    Before he cast a heal spell, he got hit with death knell.
    I can't remember if I cried to lose death ward and battletide.
    It was a loss for the PC side the day our buffer died.
    ...

    And so forth. And I'm sure you guys can do even better than that.
    Better to DM in Baator than play in Celestia
    You can just call me Dice; that's how I roll.


    Spoiler: Sig of Holding
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    Quote Originally Posted by abadguy View Post
    Darn you PoDL for making me care about a bunch of NPC Commoners!
    Won a cookie for this, won everything for this

  12. - Top - End - #12
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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    The Day the Party Buffer Died By Morph Bark, due thanks PairO'Dice Lost with apologies to Don McLean
    Spoiler
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    A long, long time ago
    I can still remember how
    Bardic music used to make me smile.
    Give our bard//cleric just one round,
    he'd pray a bit and strum a sound
    That granted 4d6 damage for a while.

    But in one combat we did blunder--
    Let him get hit with a rod of wonder;
    Before he cast a heal spell,
    He got hit with death knell.

    I can't remember if I cried
    to lose death ward and battletide.
    It was a loss for the PC side
    The day our buffer died.

    So bye-bye, buffer who couldn’t fly
    Rode my warhorse to the guildhouse
    But the guildhouse was fried
    And them good ol’ boys were drinkin’ ale and wine
    And singin’ “this’ll be the day that I die”
    “This’ll be the day that I die”

    Did you write a book of spells,
    And can you cast antilife shell,
    After preparing for an hour?
    Do you believe in rocks fallin’,
    Can music keep death stallin’,
    And can you help me when things turn sour?

    Well, I know that you’re in love with her
    ‘cause I saw you sparrin’ at the church.
    You both let go of your magic boons,
    Man, I dig those funky tunes.

    I was a lonely teenage broncin’ gnome
    With a crazy hat so far away from home,
    But I knew I was out of luck
    The day our buffer died.

    I started singin’
    “bye-bye, buffer who couldn’t fly
    Rode my warhorse to the guildhouse
    But the guildhouse was fried
    And them good ol’ boys were drinkin’ ale and wine
    And singin’ “this’ll be the day that I die”
    “This’ll be the day that I die”

    Now for ten years we’ve been on our own
    And moss grows fat on a rollin’ stone,
    But gods know it didn’t use to be.
    When the bardic one sang for kings and queens,
    In a coat he’d stolen for its sheen
    And a voice that came from you and me,

    Oh, and while the king was looking down,
    The bardic one stole all the crowns,
    The courtroom was adjourned;
    No stone was left unturned.
    And while Vecna read a Book so Vile,
    The party practiced in the park,
    And sang dirges in the Underdark,
    The day our buffer died.

    We were singing,
    “bye-bye, buffer who couldn’t fly
    Rode my warhorse to the guildhouse
    But the guildhouse was fried
    And them good ol’ boys were drinkin’ ale and wine
    And singin’ “this’ll be the day that I die”
    “This’ll be the day that I die”

    Wibble wobble in a timely hobble,
    The dragons flew up from the cobble,
    Endless highs and falling fast.
    It landed foul of Sigil’s crass.
    The players tried for a forward charge,
    With the bardic one far from the marge.

    The adventure air was sweet perfume
    While our fifth wheel played a marching tune.
    We all got up to dance,
    Oh, but we never got the chance!
    ‘cause the players tried to take the field;
    The monstrous band refused to yield.
    Do you recall what was unveiled?
    The day our buffer died?

    We started singing,
    “bye-bye, buffer who couldn’t fly
    Rode my warhorse to the guildhouse
    But the guildhouse was fried
    And them good ol’ boys were drinkin’ ale and wine
    And singin’ “this’ll be the day that I die”
    “This’ll be the day that I die”

    Oh, and there we were all in one space,
    Squeezin’ in that tiny space
    With no round left to cast a spell.
    So come on: Gimble nimble, Gimble quick!
    Gimble sat on a candlestick
    Cause fire is low-light vision’s friend.

    Oh, and as I watched him on the stage
    My face contorted in a fit of rage.
    No Solar borne of Abyss
    Could stop all the haters.
    And as the flames climbed high into the night
    To light the sacrificial rite,
    I saw Orcus laughing with delight
    The day our buffer died

    He was singin’
    “bye-bye, buffer who couldn’t fly
    Rode my warhorse to the guildhouse
    But the guildhouse was fried
    And them good ol’ boys were drinkin’ ale and wine
    And singin’ “this’ll be the day that I die”
    “This’ll be the day that I die”

    I met an elf who sang the blues
    And I asked her for some happy news,
    But she just stared and walked away.
    I went down to the magic store
    Where I first heard him play before,
    But with him gone, the music no longer plays.

    And in the streets the Halflings screamed,
    The goblinds cried and the psions dreamed.
    But not a word was spoke;
    The temple bells had broken.
    And the four men I admire so:
    The wizard, cleric, fighter and rogue,
    They caught the last train for the coast
    The day our buffer died.

    And they were singin’,
    “bye-bye, buffer who couldn’t fly
    Rode my warhorse to the guildhouse
    But the guildhouse was fried
    And them good ol’ boys were drinkin’ ale and wine
    And singin’ “this’ll be the day that I die”
    “This’ll be the day that I die”

    They were singin’,
    “bye-bye, buffer who couldn’t fly
    Rode my warhorse to the guildhouse
    But the guildhouse was fried
    And them good ol’ boys were drinkin’ ale and wine
    And singin’ “this’ll be the day that I die”
    “This’ll be the day that I die”
    Strawberries = awesome avatarist.
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    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground


    6-6-6 the Number on the dice
    Character re-roll is going on tonight
    Avatar by Kwarkpudding
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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    Quote Originally Posted by Spiryt View Post

    6-6-6 the Number on the dice
    Character re-roll is going on tonight
    oh my god
    I love you spiryt
    ima write up a parody right now just for you
    My Metal Blog
    Quote Originally Posted by PsychedelicBard View Post
    I think we can all agree in one thing. Metal + Pirates = Awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by VanBuren View Post
    Dwarves, like pirates, simply become more proficient as they becomes more intoxicated.
    Thanks to Cheesepirate for the awesome avatar
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    Lightbulb Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    No TMBG references? With a thread title like that, I thought every song would be.

    Here is my terrible addition. (with apologies to They Might be Giants)

    Kobold Man
    Spoiler
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    Kobold man, Kobold man
    Doing the things that a Kobold can
    What's he like? It's not important
    Kobold man

    Is he a gnome, or is he a bear?
    Where in the heck did he get all that hair?
    If we shave it all off is there a svart under there?
    Nobody knows, kobold man


    Illithid man, Illithid man
    Illithid man hates Kobold Man
    They have a fight, Illithid wins
    Illithid man

    Paladin Man, Paladin man
    Doing the things a paladin can
    Forced to be kind to smaller man
    Paladin man

    He's got a sword with a physical blade,
    An ethereal blade and a truth telling blade
    And when they meet to waste things are laid,
    Powerful man, Paladin man

    Flumph man, Flumph man
    Hit on the head with PC's again
    repeatedly dumped in a garbage can
    Flumph man

    When going out he has to risk
    Before long he'll be shaped like a disc
    Who came up with Flumph man?
    My money's on Don Turnbull man

    Illithid man, Illithid man
    Illithid man hates Flumph man
    They have a fight, Illithid wins
    Illithid man

    (*Rockin accordion solo!)
    Last edited by Asthix; 2011-05-08 at 12:47 PM. Reason: Song title is good
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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    Spoiler
    Show
    In the town where I was born,
    Lived a gamer like you and me,
    And he told us of his life,
    In Giant itp,

    We all live in Giant itp,
    Giant itp, Giant itp,
    We all live in Giant itp,
    Giant itp, Giant itp.


    Anybody that wants to elaborate on this horrible abomination of a song parody, feel free to do so.

    Also, this thread is full of awesome.
    Last edited by Timeless Error; 2011-05-08 at 10:29 AM.
    Hi!
    --Timeless Error, Emerald Knight and Champion of Green in the Playground

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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    The Con of the Rising Sun

    Spoiler
    Show

    There is a con, that's held each year
    It's called the Ge-en Con
    And it's been the ruin of many a gamer
    And you know I am one.

    My DM was a grognard
    He played the oldest style
    My DM, he invited me
    To that Indiana Con

    Now the only thing a gamer needs,
    Is a pencil and some dice.
    But the only time he's satisfied
    Is with a ton of books.

    Oh DMs tell your players
    Not to do what I have done.
    Spend your bucks on books and miniatures
    At that Indiana Con.

    Well, I've got a book in my backpack
    Another book on the chair
    I'm goin' back to that great Con
    To buy two bags of books.

    There is a con, that's held each year
    It's called the Ge-en Con
    And it's been the ruin of many a gamer
    And you know I am one.
    Last edited by Eldan; 2011-05-08 at 10:53 AM.
    "You raise your baton. The glass kettle drums pound out the the overture. Your vision clouds with blood. You wipe it away and continue. The xylophonist's hair bursts into a violet flame, but he continues playing. He's either a consummate professional or very drunk indeed..."

    Quote Originally Posted by Palanan View Post
    I want more mwa-ha-haaa and much less boo-hoo-hoo.

  18. - Top - End - #18
    Ettin in the Playground
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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    Not as hilariously clever as most of those above, but here's my attempt.

    The Cheater's Anthem: Or, You Better Buy a Weighted Die Too.

    Spoiler
    Show
    In this game, one thing counts
    On the dice, large amounts
    I'm afraid chance won't work like that,
    You've got to buy a weighted die too

    You've got to buy a weighted die too, boy,
    You've got to buy a weighted die too.

    Lucky rolls are far too rare.
    You've got to get a weighted die too.

    Why should we lose or win
    Based on fortunes fickle whim?
    That’s why we need an ace in hand
    Better buy a weighted die too.

    You've got to buy a weighted die, too, boy
    You've got to buy a weighted die too.

    Why should we be forced to lose?
    Better get a weighted die too.

    Lord Westen, was my rogue!
    I played honest, how in vogue.
    On my save I rolled a one.
    That’s why I got a weighted die too.

    You've got to buy a weighted die, too, boy
    You've got to buy a weighted die too.

    Lord Westen was far too fun
    Save yours with a weighted die too.

    See a lich passing by
    He reaches out to paralyze
    Better run, or to have some fun
    You’d better have a weighted die too.

    You've got to buy a weighted die, too, boy
    You've got to buy a weighted die too.

    Have no fear, let him draw near
    You’ll save with your weighted die too.

    Fight the big bad evil guy,
    Better make sure your team won’t die
    When it all depends on a crititcal
    You’ll have to use a weighted die too.

    You've got to buy a weighted die, too, boy
    You've got to buy a weighted die too.

    So the campaign will not end
    We have to get a weighted die too!

  19. - Top - End - #19
    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    Quote Originally Posted by Eldan View Post
    The Con of the Rising Sun

    Spoiler
    Show

    There is a con, that's held each year
    It's called the Ge-en Con
    And it's been the ruin of many a gamer
    And you know I am one.

    My DM was a grognard
    He played the oldest style
    My DM, he invited me
    To that Indiana Con

    Now the only thing a gamer needs,
    Is a pencil and some dice.
    But the only time he's satisfied
    Is with a ton of books.

    Oh DMs tell your players
    Not to do what I have done.
    Spend your bucks on books and miniatures
    At that Indiana Con.

    Well, I've got a book in my backpack
    Another book on the chair
    I'm goin' back to that great Con
    To buy two bags of books.

    There is a con, that's held each year
    It's called the Ge-en Con
    And it's been the ruin of many a gamer
    And you know I am one.
    i am totally going to busk using this
    My Metal Blog
    Quote Originally Posted by PsychedelicBard View Post
    I think we can all agree in one thing. Metal + Pirates = Awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by VanBuren View Post
    Dwarves, like pirates, simply become more proficient as they becomes more intoxicated.
    Thanks to Cheesepirate for the awesome avatar
    Come join the Giantitp Chat on Facebook!

  20. - Top - End - #20
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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    Henry the Eighth Fighting Man
    Spoiler
    Show
    I'm Henry the Eighth I am,
    Henry the Eighth I am, I am,
    I died to another Gas Spore,
    I've been killed seven times before,
    And every one was an Henry, (Henry!)
    I wouldn't play a Willy or Sam, ( No Sam!)
    I'm the eighth Fighting Man named Henry,
    Henry the Eighth I am!

    Second Verse, same as the first,

    I'm Henry the Eighth I am,
    Henry the Eighth I am, I am,
    I died to another Gas Spore,
    I've been killed seven times before,
    And every one was an Henry, (Henry!)
    I wouldn't play a Willy or Sam ( No Sam!)
    I'm the eighth Fighting Man named Henry,
    Henry the Eighth I am!
    [guitar riff]
    I'm Henry the Eighth I am,
    Henry the Eighth I am, I am,
    I died to another Gas Spore,
    I've been killed seven times before,
    And every one was an Henry, (Henry!)
    I wouldn't play a Willy or Sam ( No Sam!)
    I'm the eighth Fighting Man named Henry,
    Henry the Eighth I am!


    H-E-N-R-Y
    Henry (Henry!)
    Henry (Henry!)
    Henry the Eighth I am, I am
    Maybe next I'll play a ma'am!
    Last edited by Ravens_cry; 2011-05-08 at 04:57 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Calanon View Post
    Raven_Cry's comments often have the effects of a +5 Tome of Understanding

  21. - Top - End - #21
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    So, who here is going to do a Friday parody?

    *Runs away from thread very quickly*
    Hi!
    --Timeless Error, Emerald Knight and Champion of Green in the Playground

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  22. - Top - End - #22
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    Can we request stuff? Someone awesome should parody Hellfire.
    Aww man! Even all the witty self referencing sigs are gone now!
    Squeeable Avatar by CheesePirate, Awesome banners by Pink Haired August

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  23. - Top - End - #23
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    Eldan's Avatar

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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    Does that even need much changing?
    "You raise your baton. The glass kettle drums pound out the the overture. Your vision clouds with blood. You wipe it away and continue. The xylophonist's hair bursts into a violet flame, but he continues playing. He's either a consummate professional or very drunk indeed..."

    Quote Originally Posted by Palanan View Post
    I want more mwa-ha-haaa and much less boo-hoo-hoo.

  24. - Top - End - #24
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Kallisti's Avatar

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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    Not D&D related, but Rutskarn is talented and deserves to be in the GitP Album thread. I also know someone wrote a song about the Roleplaying subforum here specifically, and that for a songwriting contest there was an entry called Belkarian Rhapsody that had me in stitches.
    Hail Eris/All Hail Discordia/Fnord?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lix Lorn
    ...Kallisti, your table and poem skills are possum!
    Quote Originally Posted by Milskidasith
    I'm not sure whether you are brilliant or insane. I think it's both.
    "Once upon a time, a story was never finished..."

  25. - Top - End - #25
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Eruantion's Avatar

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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    This is not something I can take credit for, but it seems to apply
    All avatars you may see on my profile are handmade in my home in the foothills of North Carolina. Please support your local avatarists.
    Also, feel free to PM if you need an avatar.


    Cypress RP profile

  26. - Top - End - #26
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    zyborg's Avatar

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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    I'm trying to think of how to do Ozzy's "Crazy Train" as a reference to railroading...

    EDIT: What I have so far.

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    Crazy, but that's how it goes...
    Millions of PCs, without saving throws.
    Maybe, its not to late...
    To feed the DM, so he's not so irate...
    "Chaotic Good"? Not really.
    That PC's quite insane!

    We're going off the rails of the plot train.
    We're going off the rails of the plot train!

    I've listened to pun-puns,
    And unoptimized fools...
    I've watched all the munchkins,
    who make their own rules.

    The DM's position: "I rule and control"...
    The PCs don't buy it.
    They don't play their roles...

    DM won't stop screaming,
    PCs change the game.
    We're going off the rails of the plot train.
    We're going off the rails of the plot train!

    You know railroading makes us all angry.
    You gotta listen to my words, yeah.

    Last edited by zyborg; 2011-05-08 at 09:17 PM.
    My characters: http://www.myth-weavers.com/sheetindex.php?sg=41703

    GENERATION 7D: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig and add applesauce to the generation. This is a social experiment.

  27. - Top - End - #27
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    PaladinGuy

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    Dec 2010

    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    This thread...all win. Also, we're much closer to a full album than I previously thought.
    Last edited by Gullintanni; 2011-05-09 at 07:08 AM.

  28. - Top - End - #28
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Kallisti's Avatar

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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    Quote Originally Posted by MoonCat View Post
    Can we request stuff? Someone awesome should parody Hellfire.
    In the absence of any awesome people answering this request, I hacked something together instead.

    Hellfire, with apologies to Alan Menken, Tony Jay, and generally all involved
    Spoiler
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    Lights--church interior. Parishioner/gamers are gathered around an altar on which rests a crucifix, a map, minis, dice, books, and an unholy amount of soda and chips. At the far end of the altar, behind the screen, stands a minister. Since this will never actually be performed, we'll cast Sir Patrick Stewart as the minister. Not because he does anything but stand there behind the DM screen looking vaguely menacing, but because Patrick Stewart is awesome.

    Choir of Gamers:
    Confiteor DM Omnipotenti,
    Felicis Aleator Semper Virgini,
    Beato Gygax Archangelo,
    Sanctis Artifexis,
    Omnibus Cultor,

    The session freezes, spotlight ('cause of course there's a spotlight in the rafters of this imaginary church) on the gamer directly across the altar/table from the DM. This is Frollo.

    Frollo:
    Beata Maria, you know I am a righteous man,
    Of my virtue I am justly proud
    (Choir: Et tibi, Fortis:)
    Beata Maria, you know I'm so much purer than
    The common, vulgar, weak, licentious crowd
    (Choir: Quia bravere nimis,)

    Then tell me, Maria, why I feel it in my hand,
    How my fingers still can itch to roll
    (Choir: Cogitatione,)
    I feel them, I see them,
    The minis on their hand-drawn grid
    Are moving in me out of all control
    (Choir: Verbo et opere.)

    Like fire,
    Hellfire,
    This fire in my skin!
    This burning
    Desire...
    Are dice a deadly sin?

    It's not my fault! (Choir: Alea jacta!)
    I'm not to blame! (Choir: Alea jacta!)
    It was that wicked man, Gygax, who set this flame! (Choir: Alea adusque jacta!)

    It's not my fault (Choir: Alea jacta!)
    If in God's plan (Choir: Alea jacta!)
    He made the Dev team so much stronger than a man! (Choir: Alea adusque jacta!)

    Oh, screw it, Maria
    (To DM) I use my fifth-level spell
    Let the fire sear their flesh and bone!
    I admit I'm a gamer!
    Now I cast Anti-Life Shell;
    This chokepoint will be mine and mine alone!
    (Another gamer, spoken): Hey, Mister Frollo? One monster has escaped.
    (Frollo, spoken): What? Nowhere in the cathedral?
    (Gamer, spoken): It's gone.
    (Frollo, spoken): Goddammit, you were the tank, you idiot. I'll find it. I'll find it if I have to burn every last spell slot!
    Hellfire,
    Dark fire,
    Finally it's my turn
    I'll suffer the fire
    I'll game though I must burn!

    (Cut to: Frollo in FLGS, loading up on RPG supplies. He has accepted that he's hooked, and if Jack Chick is right and that's a mortal sin, so be it.)
    (Choir: Kyrie eleison)
    (Frollo looks at the assembled gamers in the store) God have mercy on them
    (Choir: Kyrie eleison)
    (Frollo realizes he has joined their ranks) God have mercy on me
    (Choir: Kyrie eleison)
    (Stares longingly at dice, books, etc.) But they will be mine or I will burn!


    It's probably sad that when I realized I needed a rhyme for "fifth-level spell," I came up with "anti-life shell" off the top of my head, and even sadder that I knew off the top of my head that it's a full-round action to cast, so unless Frollo has that feat that shortens full-round and greater casting times it's not an excellent choice for holding a chokepoint. But it's the best kind of sad there is.
    Last edited by Kallisti; 2011-05-10 at 06:22 AM.
    Hail Eris/All Hail Discordia/Fnord?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lix Lorn
    ...Kallisti, your table and poem skills are possum!
    Quote Originally Posted by Milskidasith
    I'm not sure whether you are brilliant or insane. I think it's both.
    "Once upon a time, a story was never finished..."

  29. - Top - End - #29
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Galileo's Avatar

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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    I tried to rewrite I Love the World for the Favourite Playgrounder thread. Kinda got stuck, but I'll take another shot at it. Maybe "I love the homebrew/ I love the things we know"?

    I love the mountains,
    I love the clear blue skies
    I love big bridges
    I love when great whites fly
    I love the Playground
    And all its posts and threads
    Boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da

    I love the oceans
    I love real dirty things
    I love to go fast
    I love Egyptian kings
    I love the Playground
    And all its craziness
    Boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da

    I love tornadoes
    I love arachnids
    I love hot magma
    I love the giant squids
    I love the Playground
    It's such a brilliant place
    Boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da

    Okay, so I'm still stuck. I plan on coming back, but if anyone else has an idea, go for it.
    Quote Originally Posted by chiasaur11 View Post
    And two out of three leading anthropomorphic personifications of death agree on the matter.
    Avatar by Dogmantra. Huzzah!
    Happy to be PMed for rants about stuff, lousy jokes, challenges to a duel because I impugned your honour in that restaurant last night. Look, how was I supposed to know it'd fly that far?

  30. - Top - End - #30
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    MoonCat's Avatar

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    Default Re: "Musical Critical Hits, Volume I" by They Might Be in the Playground

    Quote Originally Posted by Kallisti View Post
    In the absence of any awesome people answering this request, I hacked something together instead.

    Hellfire, with apologies to Alan Menken, Tony Jay, and generally all involved
    Spoiler
    Show

    Lights--church interior. Parishioner/gamers are gathered around an altar on which rests a crucifix, a map, minis, dice, books, and an unholy amount of soda and chips. At the far end of the altar, behind the screen, stands a minister. Since this will never actually be performed, we'll cast Sir Patrick Stewart as the minister. Not because he does anything but stand there behind the DM screen looking vaguely menacing, but because Patrick Stewart is awesome.

    Choir of Gamers:
    Confiteor DM Omnipotenti,
    Felicis Aleator Semper Virgini,
    Beato Gygax Archangelo,
    Sanctis Artifexis,
    Omnibus Cultor,

    The session freezes, spotlight ('cause of course there's a spotlight in the rafters of this imaginary church) on the gamer directly across the altar/table from the DM. This is Frollo.

    Frollo:
    Beata Maria, you know I am a righteous man,
    Of my virtue I am justly proud
    (Choir: Et tibi, Fortis:)
    Beata Maria, you know I'm so much purer than
    The common, vulgar, weak, licentious crowd
    (Choir: Quia bravere nimis,)

    Then tell me, Maria, why I feel it in my hand,
    How my fingers still can itch to roll
    (Choir: Cogitatione,)
    I feel them, I see them,
    The minis on their hand-drawn grid
    Are moving in me out of all control
    (Choir: Verbo et opere.)

    Like fire,
    Hellfire,
    This fire in my skin!
    This burning
    Desire...
    Are dice a deadly sin?

    It's not my fault! (Choir: Alea jacta!)
    I'm not to blame! (Choir: Alea jacta!)
    It was that wicked man, Gygax, who set this flame! (Choir: Alea adusque jacta!)

    It's not my fault (Choir: Alea jacta!)
    If in God's plan (Choir: Alea jacta!)
    He made the Dev team so much stronger than a man! (Choir: Alea adusque jacta!)

    Oh, screw it, Maria
    (To DM) I use my fifth-level spell
    Let the fire sear their flesh and bone!
    I admit I'm a gamer!
    Now I cast Anti-Life Shell;
    This chokepoint will be mine and mine alone!
    (Another gamer, spoken): Hey, Mister Frollo? One monster has escaped.
    (Frollo, spoken): What? Nowhere in the cathedral?
    (Gamer, spoken): It's gone.
    (Frollo, spoken): Goddammit, you were the tank, you idiot. I'll find it. I'll find it if I have to burn every last spell slot!
    Hellfire,
    Dark fire,
    Finally it's my turn
    I'll suffer the fire
    I'll game though I must burn!

    (Cut to: Frollo in FLGS, loading up on RPG supplies. He has accepted that he's hooked, and if Jack Chick is right and that's a mortal sin, so be it.)
    (Choir: Kyrie eleison)
    (Frollo looks at the assembled gamers in the store) God have mercy on them
    (Choir: Kyrie eleison)
    (Frollo realizes he has joined their ranks) God have mercy on me
    (Choir: Kyrie eleison)
    (Stares longingly at dice, books, etc.) But they will be mine or I will burn!


    It's probably sad that when I realized I needed a rhyme for "fifth-level spell," I came up with "anti-life shell" off the top of my head, and even sadder that I knew off the top of my head that it's a full-round action to cast, so unless Frollo has that feat that shortens full-round and greater casting times it's not an excellent choice for holding a chokepoint. But it's the best kind of sad there is.
    I like it. Very much.
    Aww man! Even all the witty self referencing sigs are gone now!
    Squeeable Avatar by CheesePirate, Awesome banners by Pink Haired August

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