My Little Pony XI: "Mmph!"

[darthbobcat]

Ladies and Gentlecolts. I have a favor to ask.
I wish to make a cutiemark. The Cutiemark of a storyteller/author/adventurer. However, my artistic skills are lacking and my creativity is low. Could some one give me ideas/images on what such a cutiemark would look like?

A quill and a sword crossed hammer and sickle style.

[Thanqol]

Ladies and Gentlecolts. I have a favor to ask.
I wish to make a cutiemark. The Cutiemark of a storyteller/author/adventurer. However, my artistic skills are lacking and my creativity is low. Could some one give me ideas/images on what such a cutiemark would look like?

A sword dipped in ink.

[darthbobcat]

Okay, It's Always Sunny in Fillydelphia Sequel Proposal Numero Dos!

Spoiler

Show

Working Title:

Okay, to answer the "so what" question. This story asks the question: Soarin mentioned that he has been training for battle his whole life and occasionally thinks that the skills he's learned are somewhat unnecessary. How will he respond when battle actually comes?

The fic is told from Soarin's POV. He arrives at Sweet Apple Acres, as Applejack "ordered" him to at the end of Always Sunny. It's been a month or so; it hasn't been a fun month for him (if he never sees a potato ever again, it'll be too soon).

He finds the Apple Family home, but no Applejack. After learning who Soarin is and why he's there, Big Macintosh sends Apple Bloom off to play while the big ponies talk, much to her annoyance. Big Mac says that Applejack and the other Elements of Harmony went off to Del Mare, a coastal village about 50 miles away from Ponyville, more than a week ago and haven't been heard from her since, in spite of her assurance that she'd send word as soon as she arrived. Big Mac just knows Celestia sent them there on a mission, based on their experience with similar problems in the past (something Applejack quoted, but didn't explain before leaving). Big Mac reveals that he's considering forming a posse to go and see what the deal is. Soarin says that he'll be their advance scout; if they don't hear from him in two days (he can fly 50 miles in a day easily), they should head out.

As Soarin prepares to take off from the porch, Apple Bloom reveals that she was listening in on the whole thing and makes him promise to get Applejack back. Soarin's response is, of course, yes. Also possibly Apple Bloom decides to mention something embarrassing that implies that Applejack's been slightly lovey dovey. Mentioning dopey journal passages?

Soarin arrives in Del Mare to find the whole town abandoned. He pokes around. Some of the buildings have been smashed, but at a bakery there's moldy bread in the window; so what has been touched has been touched HARD, but large sections of the town have gone unmolested.

And then the previously bright, sunny day goes dark as a massive storm front rolls in, and from the storm front come two dragons. Riding one is a being who looks to be half monkey, half demon.

That's right. I went there.

Scorpan expresses annoyance that their divining spell was only set off by one pony and declares it not worth his personal involvement. He makes vague references to a master, as well as to "at least it's not another false alarm" and flies off. Soarin is about to question him further when the dragons attack.

For the first time in his life, Soarin finds himself putting his years of battle training to work. He realizes quickly that he has nothing offensive he can use on the dragons; he's unarmed and even his hardest kicks won't do anything to them. So, he goes into full evasive mode, hoping to use the environment against them. He uses every trick he knows, but it still isn't enough; these dragons know their stuff. As a final desperate maneuver, he does a Whistling Immelman, but miscalculates and deafens himself. While he's still dazed, he's dragged into a nearby cellar.

Facing him is Applejack, who looks worse for wear and is missing her hat. She is EXTREMELY surprised to see him. She's hopeful that this means that all of the Wonderbolts have showed up to help, but he quickly disabuses her of that notion.

Applejack tells her tale of woe: the main six arrived in town and were quickly attacked by the dragons. Everypony else was grabbed in the first wave; Applejack managed to duck into a cellar. Whenever she ventures out of cover, within a few minutes the dragons show up again and she'd have to run to cover (Del Mare is wine (or possibly primo grape juice) country, so the town has multiple cellars.) She's been working her way, cellar to basement to cellar, gradually over the last week, hoping to get out so she can stop the constant cat and mouse chase and get help.

Applejack, as one MIGHT imagine, is feeling like a failure. She couldn't save her friends. She can't sneak out. She lost her pappy's hat (burned to a crisp by a blast from a dragon). Cue Soarin giving her some comfort. He does his best to exude confidence he doesn't feel. (note: this takes place over a few hours)

We break away from Soarin's POV to see into Castle Midnight. Scorpan is in the midst of being punished by Tarek (if I spell the villains' names wrong, oh well, it's 2:00 and it's an initial proposal) for his carelessness, as the two dragons have only just returned with no pegasus. (Actually, after writing the full proposal, this single scene not from Soarin's POV may in fact detract from the story. I'm open to ideas here).

Soarin says that he's got to figure out where Scorpan's coming from, and he has a shot at tailing the monkey demon if he can get out, set off the magical sensors, zip out of town, then tail them back to their base. Once he knows that, a plan can happen. Applejack is predictably reluctant to allow him to do this, but he says he'll be back.

Applejack: ... all right. You von Richtofens always keep your word.

Cue Soarin's plan going to pot. Scorpan took his punishment rather personally and has been parked out with four dragons for the last several hours, waiting for the slightest hint of movement. Note that Soarin arrived in town while it was still daylight, but now it's night time.

The four dragons go in hot pursuit. Scorpan is about to follow when he's tackled to the ground by Applejack, who heard one of the dragons roared and figured that she sure as hell wasn't going to sit by while Soarin was hurt. It's a quick struggle, but she bucks him unconscious.

Soarin is in deep stuff. The four dragons have him on the run. He panics at first, and the still rational part of his brain tells him that he's disgracing a proud tradition of von Richtofens by letting fear rule him. He finally gets it together (perhaps noticing Applejack in battle, as the scenes are concurrent) and realizes that he can do something the dragons can't.

He immediately flies up as fast and high as he can. The dragons go in hot pursuit, and he's almost burned to a crisp by their flames. However, they can't climb nearly as well as he can. When he reaches a certain altitude, he gets the dragons to follow him closely again, and then he dives straight down.

As you might imagine, every single Wonderbolt has been trying the Sonic Rainboom ever since the Best Young Flyer's competition. It hasn't gone well. However, Soarin is using that to his advantage. He's reaching top speed, as are the dragons (who are rather stupid beasts). However, his terminal velocity is higher than the dragons. He intentionally lets himself get thrown to safety by the sound barrier (ala Rainbow Dash's many Sonic Rainboom failures), while the dragons just plow into the ground at top speed, being unable to turn away in time.

Soarin, after being hurled out of town, comes back to find a distraught Applejack searching the wreckage of the mass dragon crash. Cue happy reunion. Applejack shows him her prisoner.

They fruitlessly interrogate Scorpan for several hours. Somewhere around dawn, though, he changes his tune. His body twists into a hideous, pink, fleshy, bipedal form that Scorpan insists is his real body. He reveals the whole thing; it turns out that Tarek is a being from another plane whose main flaw is that his magic cannot work wherever the sun shines (they aren't back in the cellar, but are instead in a house that has an open window shining right on Scorpan.

Scorpan, who is a prince of the same plane transformed by Tarek's darkness, has been forced to do Tarek's bidding for millennia. He is the main guard for the dungeons, so he can confirm that all of the ponies in the town are being kept there and forced to do drudge work. He knows, however, that Applejack's friends haven't been so lucky. He has transformed them all into hideous dragons to draw his chariot across the sky; the magic of the elements of harmony is required to bring about eternal night. Once that's done, he'll remake Equestria in his twisted image. He's attacked Equestria because "In all the 10 worlds, Ponyheim (as my people call it) is the only land with the elements of harmony. They are the force that can either guarantee that he will rule all... or destroy him."

How he manipulated the situation well enough to lure the Elements to this small town is beyond me. Possibly he has spies who knew of Dragonshy, so mentioning "minor" problems with a dragon attack in Del Mare to the right pony might have been a calculated attempt to have her send them based on past experience.

Just as they're about to ask Scorpan what can be done, the skies darken again and he goes from repentant and helpful to crying out that he's found the last element of harmony. Applejack bucks him unconscious again, but too late. The roof is ripped off the house by a pulse of dark magic, revealing that Tarek has arrived, with a team of five dragons pulling his chariot.

Cue a quick argument between Soarin and Applejack about what exactly to do next, as they dodge fireballs from Tarek. Soarin insists she leave while he distracts Tarek. "Get Celestia, get anypony!" Applejack insists on staying, saying that she's not going to fail her friends again. Soarin fails to convince her, and so it's two against Tarek.

Tarek attacks, separating them. Soarin finds that at the sight of this hideous monster is making him want to run. However, he manages to put a clamp on it. Before, he turned his terror into the desperate high flight/failed Sonic Rainboom, but didn't really defeat it. This time, though, he can't run. If he runs, Tarek will find Applejack and game over. And oddly enough, the idea of Applejack having her body and mind warped seems worse to him than the end of the world as he knows it. He knows his priorities are off, but if it lets him settle his stomach enough for the fight, then so be it.

He quickly identifies that Tarek's main weapon is a magical artifact he's wielding (a trident seems appropriate.) As before, Soarin realizes he has a severe maneuverability advantage, but again, Tarek has ranged attacks. After a few close calls and failed attempts to get close enough to disarm him, Soarin gets blasted by a fireball and crashes to earth. Tarek is about to finish the job when a bucked apple hits him in the side of the head, blinding him. Soarin rushes in to try and grab the trident, but is electrocuted for his efforts.

While he's stunned, Tarek takes the chance to cast the transformation spell on Applejack. Soarin is, predictably, none too pleased, but can't do anything about it. At this point, he just desperately keeps attacking. His internal monologue involves him wishing there was some counter to magic.

And then he remembers Scorpan's sudden transformation. He starts to fly in tight circles around Tarek's chariot, now being drawn by all six ponies. He goes faster and faster, putting out more and more elemental energy, until he creates a whirlwind that 1) captures Tarek's chariot, taking it out of his control and 2) pierces the clouds, causing sunlight to hit Tarek and the ponies, who revert back to normal.



Cue everypony being very confused about where they are; they were completely unaware of what they did while they were dragons. Applejack tells them to ask questions later and do their thing.

A quick blast from the Rainbow of Light finishes the job, destroying a weakened, miserable Tarek and his evil forever.

And it's 3:20 and I need to get to sleep, but the main ending that seems fitting to me is a scene of Soarin getting Applejack a replacement hat.

[Grif]

Okay, It's Always Sunny in Fillydelphia Sequel Proposal Numero Dos!

Spoiler

Show

Working Title:

Okay, to answer the "so what" question. This story asks the question: Soarin mentioned that he has been training for battle his whole life and occasionally thinks that the skills he's learned are somewhat unnecessary. How will he respond when battle actually comes?

The fic is told from Soarin's POV. He arrives at Sweet Apple Acres, as Applejack "ordered" him to at the end of Always Sunny. It's been a month or so; it hasn't been a fun month for him (if he never sees a potato ever again, it'll be too soon).

He finds the Apple Family home, but no Applejack. After learning who Soarin is and why he's there, Big Macintosh sends Apple Bloom off to play while the big ponies talk, much to her annoyance. Big Mac says that Applejack and the other Elements of Harmony went off to Del Mare, a coastal village about 50 miles away from Ponyville, more than a week ago and haven't been heard from her since, in spite of her assurance that she'd send word as soon as she arrived. Big Mac just knows Celestia sent them there on a mission, based on their experience with similar problems in the past (something Applejack quoted, but didn't explain before leaving). Big Mac reveals that he's considering forming a posse to go and see what the deal is. Soarin says that he'll be their advance scout; if they don't hear from him in two days (he can fly 50 miles in a day easily), they should head out.

As Soarin prepares to take off from the porch, Apple Bloom reveals that she was listening in on the whole thing and makes him promise to get Applejack back. Soarin's response is, of course, yes. Also possibly Apple Bloom decides to mention something embarrassing that implies that Applejack's been slightly lovey dovey. Mentioning dopey journal passages?

Soarin arrives in Del Mare to find the whole town abandoned. He pokes around. Some of the buildings have been smashed, but at a bakery there's moldy bread in the window; so what has been touched has been touched HARD, but large sections of the town have gone unmolested.

And then the previously bright, sunny day goes dark as a massive storm front rolls in, and from the storm front come two dragons. Riding one is a being who looks to be half monkey, half demon.

That's right. I went there.

Scorpan expresses annoyance that their divining spell was only set off by one pony and declares it not worth his personal involvement. He makes vague references to a master, as well as to "at least it's not another false alarm" and flies off. Soarin is about to question him further when the dragons attack.

For the first time in his life, Soarin finds himself putting his years of battle training to work. He realizes quickly that he has nothing offensive he can use on the dragons; he's unarmed and even his hardest kicks won't do anything to them. So, he goes into full evasive mode, hoping to use the environment against them. He uses every trick he knows, but it still isn't enough; these dragons know their stuff. As a final desperate maneuver, he does a Whistling Immelman, but miscalculates and deafens himself. While he's still dazed, he's dragged into a nearby cellar.

Facing him is Applejack, who looks worse for wear and is missing her hat. She is EXTREMELY surprised to see him. She's hopeful that this means that all of the Wonderbolts have showed up to help, but he quickly disabuses her of that notion.

Applejack tells her tale of woe: the main six arrived in town and were quickly attacked by the dragons. Everypony else was grabbed in the first wave; Applejack managed to duck into a cellar. Whenever she ventures out of cover, within a few minutes the dragons show up again and she'd have to run to cover (Del Mare is wine (or possibly primo grape juice) country, so the town has multiple cellars.) She's been working her way, cellar to basement to cellar, gradually over the last week, hoping to get out so she can stop the constant cat and mouse chase and get help.

Applejack, as one MIGHT imagine, is feeling like a failure. She couldn't save her friends. She can't sneak out. She lost her pappy's hat (burned to a crisp by a blast from a dragon). Cue Soarin giving her some comfort. He does his best to exude confidence he doesn't feel. (note: this takes place over a few hours)

We break away from Soarin's POV to see into Castle Midnight. Scorpan is in the midst of being punished by Tarek (if I spell the villains' names wrong, oh well, it's 2:00 and it's an initial proposal) for his carelessness, as the two dragons have only just returned with no pegasus. (Actually, after writing the full proposal, this single scene not from Soarin's POV may in fact detract from the story. I'm open to ideas here).

Soarin says that he's got to figure out where Scorpan's coming from, and he has a shot at tailing the monkey demon if he can get out, set off the magical sensors, zip out of town, then tail them back to their base. Once he knows that, a plan can happen. Applejack is predictably reluctant to allow him to do this, but he says he'll be back.

Applejack: ... all right. You von Richtofens always keep your word.

Cue Soarin's plan going to pot. Scorpan took his punishment rather personally and has been parked out with four dragons for the last several hours, waiting for the slightest hint of movement. Note that Soarin arrived in town while it was still daylight, but now it's night time.

The four dragons go in hot pursuit. Scorpan is about to follow when he's tackled to the ground by Applejack, who heard one of the dragons roared and figured that she sure as hell wasn't going to sit by while Soarin was hurt. It's a quick struggle, but she bucks him unconscious.

Soarin is in deep stuff. The four dragons have him on the run. He panics at first, and the still rational part of his brain tells him that he's disgracing a proud tradition of von Richtofens by letting fear rule him. He finally gets it together (perhaps noticing Applejack in battle, as the scenes are concurrent) and realizes that he can do something the dragons can't.

He immediately flies up as fast and high as he can. The dragons go in hot pursuit, and he's almost burned to a crisp by their flames. However, they can't climb nearly as well as he can. When he reaches a certain altitude, he gets the dragons to follow him closely again, and then he dives straight down.

As you might imagine, every single Wonderbolt has been trying the Sonic Rainboom ever since the Best Young Flyer's competition. It hasn't gone well. However, Soarin is using that to his advantage. He's reaching top speed, as are the dragons (who are rather stupid beasts). However, his terminal velocity is higher than the dragons. He intentionally lets himself get thrown to safety by the sound barrier (ala Rainbow Dash's many Sonic Rainboom failures), while the dragons just plow into the ground at top speed, being unable to turn away in time.

Soarin, after being hurled out of town, comes back to find a distraught Applejack searching the wreckage of the mass dragon crash. Cue happy reunion. Applejack shows him her prisoner.

They fruitlessly interrogate Scorpan for several hours. Somewhere around dawn, though, he changes his tune. His body twists into a hideous, pink, fleshy, bipedal form that Scorpan insists is his real body. He reveals the whole thing; it turns out that Tarek is a being from another plane whose main flaw is that his magic cannot work wherever the sun shines (they aren't back in the cellar, but are instead in a house that has an open window shining right on Scorpan.

Scorpan, who is a prince of the same plane transformed by Tarek's darkness, has been forced to do Tarek's bidding for millennia. He is the main guard for the dungeons, so he can confirm that all of the ponies in the town are being kept there and forced to do drudge work. He knows, however, that Applejack's friends haven't been so lucky. He has transformed them all into hideous dragons to draw his chariot across the sky; the magic of the elements of harmony is required to bring about eternal night. Once that's done, he'll remake Equestria in his twisted image. He's attacked Equestria because "In all the 10 worlds, Ponyheim (as my people call it) is the only land with the elements of harmony. They are the force that can either guarantee that he will rule all... or destroy him."

How he manipulated the situation well enough to lure the Elements to this small town is beyond me. Possibly he has spies who knew of Dragonshy, so mentioning "minor" problems with a dragon attack in Del Mare to the right pony might have been a calculated attempt to have her send them based on past experience.

Just as they're about to ask Scorpan what can be done, the skies darken again and he goes from repentant and helpful to crying out that he's found the last element of harmony. Applejack bucks him unconscious again, but too late. The roof is ripped off the house by a pulse of dark magic, revealing that Tarek has arrived, with a team of five dragons pulling his chariot.

Cue a quick argument between Soarin and Applejack about what exactly to do next, as they dodge fireballs from Tarek. Soarin insists she leave while he distracts Tarek. "Get Celestia, get anypony!" Applejack insists on staying, saying that she's not going to fail her friends again. Soarin fails to convince her, and so it's two against Tarek.

Tarek attacks, separating them. Soarin finds that at the sight of this hideous monster is making him want to run. However, he manages to put a clamp on it. Before, he turned his terror into the desperate high flight/failed Sonic Rainboom, but didn't really defeat it. This time, though, he can't run. If he runs, Tarek will find Applejack and game over. And oddly enough, the idea of Applejack having her body and mind warped seems worse to him than the end of the world as he knows it. He knows his priorities are off, but if it lets him settle his stomach enough for the fight, then so be it.

He quickly identifies that Tarek's main weapon is a magical artifact he's wielding (a trident seems appropriate.) As before, Soarin realizes he has a severe maneuverability advantage, but again, Tarek has ranged attacks. After a few close calls and failed attempts to get close enough to disarm him, Soarin gets blasted by a fireball and crashes to earth. Tarek is about to finish the job when a bucked apple hits him in the side of the head, blinding him. Soarin rushes in to try and grab the trident, but is electrocuted for his efforts.

While he's stunned, Tarek takes the chance to cast the transformation spell on Applejack. Soarin is, predictably, none too pleased, but can't do anything about it. At this point, he just desperately keeps attacking. His internal monologue involves him wishing there was some counter to magic.

And then he remembers Scorpan's sudden transformation. He starts to fly in tight circles around Tarek's chariot, now being drawn by all six ponies. He goes faster and faster, putting out more and more elemental energy, until he creates a whirlwind that 1) captures Tarek's chariot, taking it out of his control and 2) pierces the clouds, causing sunlight to hit Tarek and the ponies, who revert back to normal.



Cue everypony being very confused about where they are; they were completely unaware of what they did while they were dragons. Applejack tells them to ask questions later and do their thing.

A quick blast from the Rainbow of Light finishes the job, destroying a weakened, miserable Tarek and his evil forever.

And it's 3:20 and I need to get to sleep, but the main ending that seems fitting to me is a scene of Soarin getting Applejack a replacement hat.

I have only one thing to say to this.

So awesome.

[Welf]

Random comics image dump. Because if I don't do it, somepony else will.

Spoiler

Show

[Aotrs Commander]

The last two are made of pure win.

[Grif]

I find myself giggling horribly at the Lyra one. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY.

Also, Luna one-upping Celestia is always a pleasure to watch.

[Volenti]

MLP:Fighting is Magic, do not mess with Applejack...or her evil twin; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSlnZxvi37s


all my money...

[TheAmishPirate]

Okay, It's Always Sunny in Fillydelphia Sequel Proposal Numero Dos!

Spoiler

Show

Working Title:

Okay, to answer the "so what" question. This story asks the question: Soarin mentioned that he has been training for battle his whole life and occasionally thinks that the skills he's learned are somewhat unnecessary. How will he respond when battle actually comes?

The fic is told from Soarin's POV. He arrives at Sweet Apple Acres, as Applejack "ordered" him to at the end of Always Sunny. It's been a month or so; it hasn't been a fun month for him (if he never sees a potato ever again, it'll be too soon).

He finds the Apple Family home, but no Applejack. After learning who Soarin is and why he's there, Big Macintosh sends Apple Bloom off to play while the big ponies talk, much to her annoyance. Big Mac says that Applejack and the other Elements of Harmony went off to Del Mare, a coastal village about 50 miles away from Ponyville, more than a week ago and haven't been heard from her since, in spite of her assurance that she'd send word as soon as she arrived. Big Mac just knows Celestia sent them there on a mission, based on their experience with similar problems in the past (something Applejack quoted, but didn't explain before leaving). Big Mac reveals that he's considering forming a posse to go and see what the deal is. Soarin says that he'll be their advance scout; if they don't hear from him in two days (he can fly 50 miles in a day easily), they should head out.

As Soarin prepares to take off from the porch, Apple Bloom reveals that she was listening in on the whole thing and makes him promise to get Applejack back. Soarin's response is, of course, yes. Also possibly Apple Bloom decides to mention something embarrassing that implies that Applejack's been slightly lovey dovey. Mentioning dopey journal passages?

Soarin arrives in Del Mare to find the whole town abandoned. He pokes around. Some of the buildings have been smashed, but at a bakery there's moldy bread in the window; so what has been touched has been touched HARD, but large sections of the town have gone unmolested.

And then the previously bright, sunny day goes dark as a massive storm front rolls in, and from the storm front come two dragons. Riding one is a being who looks to be half monkey, half demon.

That's right. I went there.

Scorpan expresses annoyance that their divining spell was only set off by one pony and declares it not worth his personal involvement. He makes vague references to a master, as well as to "at least it's not another false alarm" and flies off. Soarin is about to question him further when the dragons attack.

For the first time in his life, Soarin finds himself putting his years of battle training to work. He realizes quickly that he has nothing offensive he can use on the dragons; he's unarmed and even his hardest kicks won't do anything to them. So, he goes into full evasive mode, hoping to use the environment against them. He uses every trick he knows, but it still isn't enough; these dragons know their stuff. As a final desperate maneuver, he does a Whistling Immelman, but miscalculates and deafens himself. While he's still dazed, he's dragged into a nearby cellar.

Facing him is Applejack, who looks worse for wear and is missing her hat. She is EXTREMELY surprised to see him. She's hopeful that this means that all of the Wonderbolts have showed up to help, but he quickly disabuses her of that notion.

Applejack tells her tale of woe: the main six arrived in town and were quickly attacked by the dragons. Everypony else was grabbed in the first wave; Applejack managed to duck into a cellar. Whenever she ventures out of cover, within a few minutes the dragons show up again and she'd have to run to cover (Del Mare is wine (or possibly primo grape juice) country, so the town has multiple cellars.) She's been working her way, cellar to basement to cellar, gradually over the last week, hoping to get out so she can stop the constant cat and mouse chase and get help.

Applejack, as one MIGHT imagine, is feeling like a failure. She couldn't save her friends. She can't sneak out. She lost her pappy's hat (burned to a crisp by a blast from a dragon). Cue Soarin giving her some comfort. He does his best to exude confidence he doesn't feel. (note: this takes place over a few hours)

We break away from Soarin's POV to see into Castle Midnight. Scorpan is in the midst of being punished by Tarek (if I spell the villains' names wrong, oh well, it's 2:00 and it's an initial proposal) for his carelessness, as the two dragons have only just returned with no pegasus. (Actually, after writing the full proposal, this single scene not from Soarin's POV may in fact detract from the story. I'm open to ideas here).

Soarin says that he's got to figure out where Scorpan's coming from, and he has a shot at tailing the monkey demon if he can get out, set off the magical sensors, zip out of town, then tail them back to their base. Once he knows that, a plan can happen. Applejack is predictably reluctant to allow him to do this, but he says he'll be back.

Applejack: ... all right. You von Richtofens always keep your word.

Cue Soarin's plan going to pot. Scorpan took his punishment rather personally and has been parked out with four dragons for the last several hours, waiting for the slightest hint of movement. Note that Soarin arrived in town while it was still daylight, but now it's night time.

The four dragons go in hot pursuit. Scorpan is about to follow when he's tackled to the ground by Applejack, who heard one of the dragons roared and figured that she sure as hell wasn't going to sit by while Soarin was hurt. It's a quick struggle, but she bucks him unconscious.

Soarin is in deep stuff. The four dragons have him on the run. He panics at first, and the still rational part of his brain tells him that he's disgracing a proud tradition of von Richtofens by letting fear rule him. He finally gets it together (perhaps noticing Applejack in battle, as the scenes are concurrent) and realizes that he can do something the dragons can't.

He immediately flies up as fast and high as he can. The dragons go in hot pursuit, and he's almost burned to a crisp by their flames. However, they can't climb nearly as well as he can. When he reaches a certain altitude, he gets the dragons to follow him closely again, and then he dives straight down.

As you might imagine, every single Wonderbolt has been trying the Sonic Rainboom ever since the Best Young Flyer's competition. It hasn't gone well. However, Soarin is using that to his advantage. He's reaching top speed, as are the dragons (who are rather stupid beasts). However, his terminal velocity is higher than the dragons. He intentionally lets himself get thrown to safety by the sound barrier (ala Rainbow Dash's many Sonic Rainboom failures), while the dragons just plow into the ground at top speed, being unable to turn away in time.

Soarin, after being hurled out of town, comes back to find a distraught Applejack searching the wreckage of the mass dragon crash. Cue happy reunion. Applejack shows him her prisoner.

They fruitlessly interrogate Scorpan for several hours. Somewhere around dawn, though, he changes his tune. His body twists into a hideous, pink, fleshy, bipedal form that Scorpan insists is his real body. He reveals the whole thing; it turns out that Tarek is a being from another plane whose main flaw is that his magic cannot work wherever the sun shines (they aren't back in the cellar, but are instead in a house that has an open window shining right on Scorpan.

Scorpan, who is a prince of the same plane transformed by Tarek's darkness, has been forced to do Tarek's bidding for millennia. He is the main guard for the dungeons, so he can confirm that all of the ponies in the town are being kept there and forced to do drudge work. He knows, however, that Applejack's friends haven't been so lucky. He has transformed them all into hideous dragons to draw his chariot across the sky; the magic of the elements of harmony is required to bring about eternal night. Once that's done, he'll remake Equestria in his twisted image. He's attacked Equestria because "In all the 10 worlds, Ponyheim (as my people call it) is the only land with the elements of harmony. They are the force that can either guarantee that he will rule all... or destroy him."

How he manipulated the situation well enough to lure the Elements to this small town is beyond me. Possibly he has spies who knew of Dragonshy, so mentioning "minor" problems with a dragon attack in Del Mare to the right pony might have been a calculated attempt to have her send them based on past experience.

Just as they're about to ask Scorpan what can be done, the skies darken again and he goes from repentant and helpful to crying out that he's found the last element of harmony. Applejack bucks him unconscious again, but too late. The roof is ripped off the house by a pulse of dark magic, revealing that Tarek has arrived, with a team of five dragons pulling his chariot.

Cue a quick argument between Soarin and Applejack about what exactly to do next, as they dodge fireballs from Tarek. Soarin insists she leave while he distracts Tarek. "Get Celestia, get anypony!" Applejack insists on staying, saying that she's not going to fail her friends again. Soarin fails to convince her, and so it's two against Tarek.

Tarek attacks, separating them. Soarin finds that at the sight of this hideous monster is making him want to run. However, he manages to put a clamp on it. Before, he turned his terror into the desperate high flight/failed Sonic Rainboom, but didn't really defeat it. This time, though, he can't run. If he runs, Tarek will find Applejack and game over. And oddly enough, the idea of Applejack having her body and mind warped seems worse to him than the end of the world as he knows it. He knows his priorities are off, but if it lets him settle his stomach enough for the fight, then so be it.

He quickly identifies that Tarek's main weapon is a magical artifact he's wielding (a trident seems appropriate.) As before, Soarin realizes he has a severe maneuverability advantage, but again, Tarek has ranged attacks. After a few close calls and failed attempts to get close enough to disarm him, Soarin gets blasted by a fireball and crashes to earth. Tarek is about to finish the job when a bucked apple hits him in the side of the head, blinding him. Soarin rushes in to try and grab the trident, but is electrocuted for his efforts.

While he's stunned, Tarek takes the chance to cast the transformation spell on Applejack. Soarin is, predictably, none too pleased, but can't do anything about it. At this point, he just desperately keeps attacking. His internal monologue involves him wishing there was some counter to magic.

And then he remembers Scorpan's sudden transformation. He starts to fly in tight circles around Tarek's chariot, now being drawn by all six ponies. He goes faster and faster, putting out more and more elemental energy, until he creates a whirlwind that 1) captures Tarek's chariot, taking it out of his control and 2) pierces the clouds, causing sunlight to hit Tarek and the ponies, who revert back to normal.



Cue everypony being very confused about where they are; they were completely unaware of what they did while they were dragons. Applejack tells them to ask questions later and do their thing.

A quick blast from the Rainbow of Light finishes the job, destroying a weakened, miserable Tarek and his evil forever.

And it's 3:20 and I need to get to sleep, but the main ending that seems fitting to me is a scene of Soarin getting Applejack a replacement hat.

Thoughts:

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MUCH better. The "so what" factor is there, the plot seems pretty solid, and it's always nice to see you trying something new writing-wise. A couple of specific thoughts:

AJ's hat
-I was so sad when I read that part, you have no idea. But it's good that it's there. It's the authorial equivalent of a warning shot. Keeps the reader from getting too comfortable.

Interrogating Scorpan
-You may want to keep them in the cellar, and have the light come from a window there. It makes no sense that they'd leave the nice, safe basement to go to a house. Plus, having the dragons/Tarek rip off the ENTIRE HOUSE is a bit more impressive than just the roof.

AJ's transormation
-I'll give you the same warning I gave EsperDerek and his fic; be careful with this scene. Bronies (myself included) have a much lower tolerance for extremely bad things happening to the mane cast. If you make this too intense, you're going to push people too far. You should absolutely keep this scene, just be careful in how you handle it.

[Rebelhero]

Wake up in the morning feeling like this guy.

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[Lix Lorn]

Oh how I've missed that pic. DX

[Vent Reynolt]

MLP:Fighting is Magic, do not mess with Applejack...or her evil twin; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSlnZxvi37s


all my money...

The animation is incredibly fluid, and they have an excellent Winter wrap-up remix for background music.
Just take all my money.

Wake up in the morning feeling like this guy.

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It's always pony time!

[Thanqol]

Wake up in the morning feeling like this guy.

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That remains my favourite pony picture of all time. If I had to point to one thing that got me to watch this show, it was seeing that picture on 4chan.

[MCerberus]

Wake up in the morning feeling like this guy.

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Ponies, everywhere!
Anyhow, day off doing another something. It's either going to be Pinkie as the Mario enemy that sits on the cloud and throws turtles or "The Matrix has you, Fluttershy."

[the_druid_droid]

Okay, It's Always Sunny in Fillydelphia Sequel Proposal Numero Dos!

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Working Title:

Okay, to answer the "so what" question. This story asks the question: Soarin mentioned that he has been training for battle his whole life and occasionally thinks that the skills he's learned are somewhat unnecessary. How will he respond when battle actually comes?

The fic is told from Soarin's POV. He arrives at Sweet Apple Acres, as Applejack "ordered" him to at the end of Always Sunny. It's been a month or so; it hasn't been a fun month for him (if he never sees a potato ever again, it'll be too soon).

He finds the Apple Family home, but no Applejack. After learning who Soarin is and why he's there, Big Macintosh sends Apple Bloom off to play while the big ponies talk, much to her annoyance. Big Mac says that Applejack and the other Elements of Harmony went off to Del Mare, a coastal village about 50 miles away from Ponyville, more than a week ago and haven't been heard from her since, in spite of her assurance that she'd send word as soon as she arrived. Big Mac just knows Celestia sent them there on a mission, based on their experience with similar problems in the past (something Applejack quoted, but didn't explain before leaving). Big Mac reveals that he's considering forming a posse to go and see what the deal is. Soarin says that he'll be their advance scout; if they don't hear from him in two days (he can fly 50 miles in a day easily), they should head out.

As Soarin prepares to take off from the porch, Apple Bloom reveals that she was listening in on the whole thing and makes him promise to get Applejack back. Soarin's response is, of course, yes. Also possibly Apple Bloom decides to mention something embarrassing that implies that Applejack's been slightly lovey dovey. Mentioning dopey journal passages?

Soarin arrives in Del Mare to find the whole town abandoned. He pokes around. Some of the buildings have been smashed, but at a bakery there's moldy bread in the window; so what has been touched has been touched HARD, but large sections of the town have gone unmolested.

And then the previously bright, sunny day goes dark as a massive storm front rolls in, and from the storm front come two dragons. Riding one is a being who looks to be half monkey, half demon.

That's right. I went there.

Scorpan expresses annoyance that their divining spell was only set off by one pony and declares it not worth his personal involvement. He makes vague references to a master, as well as to "at least it's not another false alarm" and flies off. Soarin is about to question him further when the dragons attack.

For the first time in his life, Soarin finds himself putting his years of battle training to work. He realizes quickly that he has nothing offensive he can use on the dragons; he's unarmed and even his hardest kicks won't do anything to them. So, he goes into full evasive mode, hoping to use the environment against them. He uses every trick he knows, but it still isn't enough; these dragons know their stuff. As a final desperate maneuver, he does a Whistling Immelman, but miscalculates and deafens himself. While he's still dazed, he's dragged into a nearby cellar.

Facing him is Applejack, who looks worse for wear and is missing her hat. She is EXTREMELY surprised to see him. She's hopeful that this means that all of the Wonderbolts have showed up to help, but he quickly disabuses her of that notion.

Applejack tells her tale of woe: the main six arrived in town and were quickly attacked by the dragons. Everypony else was grabbed in the first wave; Applejack managed to duck into a cellar. Whenever she ventures out of cover, within a few minutes the dragons show up again and she'd have to run to cover (Del Mare is wine (or possibly primo grape juice) country, so the town has multiple cellars.) She's been working her way, cellar to basement to cellar, gradually over the last week, hoping to get out so she can stop the constant cat and mouse chase and get help.

Applejack, as one MIGHT imagine, is feeling like a failure. She couldn't save her friends. She can't sneak out. She lost her pappy's hat (burned to a crisp by a blast from a dragon). Cue Soarin giving her some comfort. He does his best to exude confidence he doesn't feel. (note: this takes place over a few hours)

We break away from Soarin's POV to see into Castle Midnight. Scorpan is in the midst of being punished by Tarek (if I spell the villains' names wrong, oh well, it's 2:00 and it's an initial proposal) for his carelessness, as the two dragons have only just returned with no pegasus. (Actually, after writing the full proposal, this single scene not from Soarin's POV may in fact detract from the story. I'm open to ideas here).

Soarin says that he's got to figure out where Scorpan's coming from, and he has a shot at tailing the monkey demon if he can get out, set off the magical sensors, zip out of town, then tail them back to their base. Once he knows that, a plan can happen. Applejack is predictably reluctant to allow him to do this, but he says he'll be back.

Applejack: ... all right. You von Richtofens always keep your word.

Cue Soarin's plan going to pot. Scorpan took his punishment rather personally and has been parked out with four dragons for the last several hours, waiting for the slightest hint of movement. Note that Soarin arrived in town while it was still daylight, but now it's night time.

The four dragons go in hot pursuit. Scorpan is about to follow when he's tackled to the ground by Applejack, who heard one of the dragons roared and figured that she sure as hell wasn't going to sit by while Soarin was hurt. It's a quick struggle, but she bucks him unconscious.

Soarin is in deep stuff. The four dragons have him on the run. He panics at first, and the still rational part of his brain tells him that he's disgracing a proud tradition of von Richtofens by letting fear rule him. He finally gets it together (perhaps noticing Applejack in battle, as the scenes are concurrent) and realizes that he can do something the dragons can't.

He immediately flies up as fast and high as he can. The dragons go in hot pursuit, and he's almost burned to a crisp by their flames. However, they can't climb nearly as well as he can. When he reaches a certain altitude, he gets the dragons to follow him closely again, and then he dives straight down.

As you might imagine, every single Wonderbolt has been trying the Sonic Rainboom ever since the Best Young Flyer's competition. It hasn't gone well. However, Soarin is using that to his advantage. He's reaching top speed, as are the dragons (who are rather stupid beasts). However, his terminal velocity is higher than the dragons. He intentionally lets himself get thrown to safety by the sound barrier (ala Rainbow Dash's many Sonic Rainboom failures), while the dragons just plow into the ground at top speed, being unable to turn away in time.

Soarin, after being hurled out of town, comes back to find a distraught Applejack searching the wreckage of the mass dragon crash. Cue happy reunion. Applejack shows him her prisoner.

They fruitlessly interrogate Scorpan for several hours. Somewhere around dawn, though, he changes his tune. His body twists into a hideous, pink, fleshy, bipedal form that Scorpan insists is his real body. He reveals the whole thing; it turns out that Tarek is a being from another plane whose main flaw is that his magic cannot work wherever the sun shines (they aren't back in the cellar, but are instead in a house that has an open window shining right on Scorpan.

Scorpan, who is a prince of the same plane transformed by Tarek's darkness, has been forced to do Tarek's bidding for millennia. He is the main guard for the dungeons, so he can confirm that all of the ponies in the town are being kept there and forced to do drudge work. He knows, however, that Applejack's friends haven't been so lucky. He has transformed them all into hideous dragons to draw his chariot across the sky; the magic of the elements of harmony is required to bring about eternal night. Once that's done, he'll remake Equestria in his twisted image. He's attacked Equestria because "In all the 10 worlds, Ponyheim (as my people call it) is the only land with the elements of harmony. They are the force that can either guarantee that he will rule all... or destroy him."

How he manipulated the situation well enough to lure the Elements to this small town is beyond me. Possibly he has spies who knew of Dragonshy, so mentioning "minor" problems with a dragon attack in Del Mare to the right pony might have been a calculated attempt to have her send them based on past experience.

Just as they're about to ask Scorpan what can be done, the skies darken again and he goes from repentant and helpful to crying out that he's found the last element of harmony. Applejack bucks him unconscious again, but too late. The roof is ripped off the house by a pulse of dark magic, revealing that Tarek has arrived, with a team of five dragons pulling his chariot.

Cue a quick argument between Soarin and Applejack about what exactly to do next, as they dodge fireballs from Tarek. Soarin insists she leave while he distracts Tarek. "Get Celestia, get anypony!" Applejack insists on staying, saying that she's not going to fail her friends again. Soarin fails to convince her, and so it's two against Tarek.

Tarek attacks, separating them. Soarin finds that at the sight of this hideous monster is making him want to run. However, he manages to put a clamp on it. Before, he turned his terror into the desperate high flight/failed Sonic Rainboom, but didn't really defeat it. This time, though, he can't run. If he runs, Tarek will find Applejack and game over. And oddly enough, the idea of Applejack having her body and mind warped seems worse to him than the end of the world as he knows it. He knows his priorities are off, but if it lets him settle his stomach enough for the fight, then so be it.

He quickly identifies that Tarek's main weapon is a magical artifact he's wielding (a trident seems appropriate.) As before, Soarin realizes he has a severe maneuverability advantage, but again, Tarek has ranged attacks. After a few close calls and failed attempts to get close enough to disarm him, Soarin gets blasted by a fireball and crashes to earth. Tarek is about to finish the job when a bucked apple hits him in the side of the head, blinding him. Soarin rushes in to try and grab the trident, but is electrocuted for his efforts.

While he's stunned, Tarek takes the chance to cast the transformation spell on Applejack. Soarin is, predictably, none too pleased, but can't do anything about it. At this point, he just desperately keeps attacking. His internal monologue involves him wishing there was some counter to magic.

And then he remembers Scorpan's sudden transformation. He starts to fly in tight circles around Tarek's chariot, now being drawn by all six ponies. He goes faster and faster, putting out more and more elemental energy, until he creates a whirlwind that 1) captures Tarek's chariot, taking it out of his control and 2) pierces the clouds, causing sunlight to hit Tarek and the ponies, who revert back to normal.



Cue everypony being very confused about where they are; they were completely unaware of what they did while they were dragons. Applejack tells them to ask questions later and do their thing.

A quick blast from the Rainbow of Light finishes the job, destroying a weakened, miserable Tarek and his evil forever.

And it's 3:20 and I need to get to sleep, but the main ending that seems fitting to me is a scene of Soarin getting Applejack a replacement hat.

Thoughts:

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I agree with the Amish pirate that you've done a much better job identifying a 'so what' for this story, and as a bonus it arises pretty naturally from something in IASiF. The whole 'Wonderbolts are actually a combat squad' idea is pretty intriguing and now you can explore it.

I do like Applebloom hinting at AJ's lovey-dovey state. You might consider another means of AB knowing though, because I can't really envision AJ keeping a journal.

I agree again with our Amish friend that the hat part is sad, particuarly given the importance you established for it in the last installment. A part of me wants it to be lost rather than destroyed, but if you want to establish things as serious business time, burning the hat is a good start.

Also, I think you were right to think that switching POV for just one scene with Tarek is probably more distracting than helpful. Unless you want to add in more parts from the bad guys' perspective, I would leave the punishment more vague, maybe just hinted at by statements from Scorpan.

I find Soarin's nervousness about battle a little odd. I feel like he's been set up to be fairly self-confident so far, but if you introduce the uncertainty gradually, especially after his first difficult encounter, I think it would work, and add an element of tension.

I LOVE the application of the Rainboom to defeat the dragons!

Finally, you mention that Tarek will have manipulated things to bring the cast to Del Mare; I would build that up some more, since just a suggestion of dragons could have all sorts of other responses. Perhaps he uses some magic to play puppetmaster?

[TheAmishPirate]

Thoughts:

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I agree with the Amish pirate that you've done a much better job identifying a 'so what' for this story, and as a bonus it arises pretty naturally from something in IASiF. The whole 'Wonderbolts are actually a combat squad' idea is pretty intriguing and now you can explore it.

I do like Applebloom hinting at AJ's lovey-dovey state. You might consider another means of AB knowing though, because I can't really envision AJ keeping a journal.

I agree again with our Amish friend that the hat part is sad, particuarly given the importance you established for it in the last installment. A part of me wants it to be lost rather than destroyed, but if you want to establish things as serious business time, burning the hat is a good start.

Also, I think you were right to think that switching POV for just one scene with Tarek is probably more distracting than helpful. Unless you want to add in more parts from the bad guys' perspective, I would leave the punishment more vague, maybe just hinted at by statements from Scorpan.

I find Soarin's nervousness about battle a little odd. I feel like he's been set up to be fairly self-confident so far, but if you introduce the uncertainty gradually, especially after his first difficult encounter, I think it would work, and add an element of tension.

I LOVE the application of the Rainboom to defeat the dragons!

Finally, you mention that Tarek will have manipulated things to bring the cast to Del Mare; I would build that up some more, since just a suggestion of dragons could have all sorts of other responses. Perhaps he uses some magic to play puppetmaster?

Thoughts on thoughts? Not enough, we need to go deeper!

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I actually forgot to add that I agree with keeping things from Soarin's POV.

Maybe for the lure, he could make one of his dragons start snoring? The townspeople there try everything they can think of, but with no luck. They send for help from Celestia, and she in turn sends the mane casts. Who better to send then the ponies who've dealt with this sort of thing before? Once they arrive, that's when Tarek blitzes the town with his dragons.

[Alchemistmerlin]

Sooo did anyone hear Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me's assessment of "bronies" this weekend?

I dare to say it was an unkind interpretation.

[MCerberus]

Thoughts on thoughts? Not enough, we need to go deeper!

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I actually forgot to add that I agree with keeping things from Soarin's POV.

Maybe for the lure, he could have make one of his dragons start snoring? The townspeople there have tried everything, but with no luck. Who better to send then the mane cast, who've dealt with this sort of thing before? Once they arrive, that's when Tarek blitzes the town with his dragons.

We've been down this rabbit hole before. We know how it ends.

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[Kyouhen]

We've been down this rabbit hole before. We know how it ends.

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I think the most awesome part of that picture is that her hat looks like her irises.

[darthbobcat]

Thoughts:

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I agree with the Amish pirate that you've done a much better job identifying a 'so what' for this story, and as a bonus it arises pretty naturally from something in IASiF. The whole 'Wonderbolts are actually a combat squad' idea is pretty intriguing and now you can explore it.

I do like Applebloom hinting at AJ's lovey-dovey state. You might consider another means of AB knowing though, because I can't really envision AJ keeping a journal.

I agree again with our Amish friend that the hat part is sad, particuarly given the importance you established for it in the last installment. A part of me wants it to be lost rather than destroyed, but if you want to establish things as serious business time, burning the hat is a good start.

Also, I think you were right to think that switching POV for just one scene with Tarek is probably more distracting than helpful. Unless you want to add in more parts from the bad guys' perspective, I would leave the punishment more vague, maybe just hinted at by statements from Scorpan.

I find Soarin's nervousness about battle a little odd. I feel like he's been set up to be fairly self-confident so far, but if you introduce the uncertainty gradually, especially after his first difficult encounter, I think it would work, and add an element of tension.

I LOVE the application of the Rainboom to defeat the dragons!

Finally, you mention that Tarek will have manipulated things to bring the cast to Del Mare; I would build that up some more, since just a suggestion of dragons could have all sorts of other responses. Perhaps he uses some magic to play puppetmaster?

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If I might explain: there is a large difference between intellectually understanding danger and actually being in the hot seat. Soarin is ALSO surprised that he has a fearful reaction. He honestly never thought he was going to have to use his wonderbolt techniques in anger, so the danger is new and frightening. At least, that's my opinion.

[AlterForm]

Ladies and Gentlecolts. I have a favor to ask.
I wish to make a cutiemark. The Cutiemark of a storyteller/author/adventurer. However, my artistic skills are lacking and my creativity is low. Could some one give me ideas/images on what such a cutiemark would look like?

Seconding the "Pen and Sword" cutie mark.

[dromer]

Thoughts:

MUCH better. The "so what" factor is there,

'So what' factor? I haven't really ever seen that before. Could you elaborate?

[Vent Reynolt]

Sooo did anyone hear Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me's assessment of "bronies" this weekend?

I dare to say it was an unkind interpretation.

I didn't hear it until you mentioned it and I looked it up.

I suppose that they needed to be dismissive in the story to make it sound as implausible as the other two stories, but they continued to treat the entire show as if it was beneath them even after they revealed the brony story to be true.

Their biggest crime however, is that they weren't even funny, just mean spirited about it.

[Grif]

It's always pony time!

Oh look at the time.

[Shadowy]

Oh look at the time.

How did pinkie get into my underground bunker?

[Rebelhero]

A quill and a sword crossed hammer and sickle style.

As per DBC's idea, im attempting the sword and quill idea. Thsi may take some time to work out, but ill upload it when i have something acceptable to show.
Thanks!

[TheAmishPirate]

'So what' factor? I haven't really ever seen that before. Could you elaborate?

It's a term I just invented, makes sense in context to darthbobcat, but not so much for everypony else. Sorry about that.

Basically, it's the reason this story exists, why we should care about it, or why it needed to be told. It's a story's purpose for being written. If that reason is bad or simply doesn't exist, than it's a good sign that the story needs a lot of work or just needs to be scrapped.

[MCerberus]

How did pinkie get into my underground bunker?

She's been there.
Forever.

[Shadowy]

She's been there.
Forever.

The pink one is good.
Follow the pink one.
All hail the pink one.

Forever.

[Alchemistmerlin]

I didn't hear it until you mentioned it and I looked it up.

I suppose that they needed to be dismissive in the story to make it sound as implausible as the other two stories, but they continued to treat the entire show as if it was beneath them even after they revealed the brony story to be true.

Their biggest crime however, is that they weren't even funny, just mean spirited about it.

I think the worst of it may have been the "unemployed" line and the hinting at darker things. It was handled poorly I think, but Wait Wait has that problem sometimes.