Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

[Hazzardevil]

1038: I am not allowed to come up with party motto's when playing evil characters. (IE: An apple a day keeps the paladins away and catch it, kill it reanimate it.)
1039: I am never to summon a succubus to do "kinky" actions with the Big Bad Good Guy who happens to be a cleric with vow of Chastity.
1040: If the commoners are running screaming from a village, I am not to run with them.
1040a: Doubly so if I am the paladin.

[Rockphed]

1040a: Doubly so if I am the paladin.

1040b: Not even if I justify it as "protecting them"
1040c: Triply so if they are running from me.

[byaku rai]

1041: If the BBEG is a Warforged, logic loops will not kill him.

1041b: not even "This statement is False."

1041c: nor will asking him to recite the entirety of pi.

[ryu]

1041d: A set containing all sets is right out.

1041e: As is: I order you to disobey me!

[big teej]

+1
threatening him with a rust monster stampede might work though.

[byaku rai]

1411e: Also, Small, blue-eyed Warforged with INT 3 are /not/ automatically named Wheatley.

1411f: There has never been, nor will there ever be, a Warforged with an obsession with space.

[TroubleBrewing]

1041c: nor will asking him to recite the entirety of pi.

Had a player try this one with me in an nWoD game once, where the big bad was a computer.

I looked at the player who asked, and said "He does."

Player: "But.. Pi is infinite?"

DM: "Guess not."

[Bearpunch]

Had a player try this one with me in an nWoD game once, where the big bad was a computer.

I looked at the player who asked, and said "He does."

Player: "But.. Pi is infinite?"

DM: "Guess not."

Good man. THe best part is, it may very well not be infinite, so he can't even argue. XD

[Jubal_Barca]

1042. When a noble turns up in a tavern, to arrest the party's employer, I may not make my way out of a back window, charm his footmen outside into following him, then steal his carriage.
1043. I may doubly not do the above but let the party's barbarian and half-orc steal his carriage, carrying said employer.
1043a. I must remember that waving them off then going back in and buying beers for every NPC in the bar is not the same as getting instant successes to diplomacy checks with them all*.

*In fact, it's better.

[Reltzik]

1044: No longer allowed to put the party into a pvp situation leading to pk by the third session of the campaign.
1044a: Especially not against the coolest PC in the game.
1045: No longer allowed to take revenge for pks with my next character.
1046: No longer allowed to suspect others of plotting revenge and take steps to preempt them.
1047: No longer allowed to seek out a cursed weapon that will "force" me to slaughter my allies.

[OracleofWuffing]

1048: If my character can explode, I am to explain to the party healer that "I will get better" prior to actually exploding.

(The look on her face was precious, though.)

[BlackestOfMages]

1042. When a noble turns up in a tavern, to arrest the party's employer, I may not make my way out of a back window, charm his footmen outside into following him, then steal his carriage.
1043. I may doubly not do the above but let the party's barbarian and half-orc steal his carriage, carrying said employer.
1043a. I must remember that waving them off then going back in and buying beers for every NPC in the bar is not the same as getting instant successes to diplomacy checks with them all*.

*In fact, it's better.

but that's a much better plot hook - rather than being arrested for some arbitary concieved reason, you're actaully furthering the story by doing something wrong first. pluss, you can always blame it on your evil dupicates

[Hiro Protagonest]

but that's a much better plot hook - rather than being arrested for some arbitary concieved reason, you're actaully furthering the story by doing something wrong first. pluss, you can always blame it on your evil dupicates

Then you get hauled off in chains by a lawful stupid paladin, get tried by a fake celestial and an old geezer with a cat, see some crayon drawings during the old geezer's exposition, and—wait, this is the OotS plot! I should've seen it when we faced that lich and the goblin cleric.

[LeSwordfish]

1049: Failing an awareness check does not make me walk into a wall.

[Burnheart]

1049: Failing an awareness check does not make me walk into a wall.

1049b: It does if i'm in a maze with invisible walls

[Esprit15]

1050: I may not sunder a monk.

1051: Even if we call her it in real life, my girlfriend is not allowed to he the god of awesome in the campaign.

[Rockphed]

1051: Even if we call her it in real life, my girlfriend is not allowed to he the god of awesome in the campaign.

1051a: Not even if she has recently had her powers stolen and is questing to get them back.

1052: Being romantically involved with the DM should not grant powers of awesome.

1052a: If the DM's girlfriend gets all sorts of powers of awesome, the DM should not punish her just so nobody thinks he is being biased toward her.

1052b: Nor should he try to destroy her campaign world when the roles are switched.

1052c: If doing so involves turning into the evil creatures she sends after him for screwing her over in his game, she should not be surprised.

1053: If I go back in time and am amnesiatic, I should probably not be trying to sell people info about the future in exchange for getting back there.

1054: Pushing buttons that I don't understand will probably result in death.

1055: "I hit it with a hammer" only solves problems involving nails and overly amorous fighters.

1056: If I tell the DM never to let me have something, he will take me very seriously.

1057: If my list of dead characters is longer than the list of everybody else's characters combined, I am probably doing something wrong.

[Esprit15]

1058: I may not be blind.
1058 b: If I am blind, I may not be an evoker of any kind.
1058 c: Or any other spell caster.
1058 d: I may only play a monk while blind.
1058 e: See!? That's why you're not allowed to play as a blind character!

1059: I may not have any disabled senses.

1060: I may not create a spell that mimics any technology discovered after the 18th century.
1060 b: Especially anything involving explosives or fire.
1060 c: Flight is allowed.
1060 d: Rule 2183 c is no longer valid.
1060 e: Pneumatics count as explosives.
1060 f: Epic spells may not imitate other classes.
1060 g: If the effects would make the Nazis blush, it's not allowed.
1060 h: Okay, maybe we should have been more broad: the evil afterlives should not be more appealing than the effects of a spell.

1061: I am now only allowed to play a commoner with no skills who is only allowed a plank of wood as a weapon.

[JackOfAllBuilds]

1062: We may not touch bags of holding or handy haversacks with mage hand.

1063: We may not ever get bags of holding or handy haversacks ever again, even if that IS the loot the book said you just got. If we touch one it crumbles to non-magical, un-make-whole-able dust.

1064: Acererack hates us beyond all measure, and if we reach into the haversack, he will take our hand off and try to drain our soul.

1065: We may not ever play bards or arcane classes with access to cantrips again.



(Yes, my team one the tomb of horrors with only one self-inflicted death. Teleported into stone walls.)

[byaku rai]

1058:

1061: I am now only allowed to play a commoner with no skills who is only allowed a plank of wood as a weapon.

Of course, there's always Chicken-Infested...

[Antonok]

Of course, there's always Chicken-Infested...

(Theres double 1061s)

1066: I may not cast Explosive Runes on baby chicks and try to use them as hand grenades.

1066a: My druid can not wild emapthy a bunch of squirrels, have the wizard cast Explosive Runes on them, send them into a village cutting down the forest, then tell the villagers that the forest has declared a jihad against them. (Runes were activated remotely by Arcane Eye )

1066b: Any druid I play can not wild empathy a bunch of squirrels, have the drow wizard cast Scorpion Tail on them, then send them into a village full of commoners as 'vengence from the forest' either.

1067: I may not cast Awaken on random squirrels.

1068: My druid is not allowed to have its animal companion be an awakened squirrel armed with a sword and helmet.

1069: Squirrels no longer exist in DnD. Period.

[Qwertystop]

1066a: My druid can not wild emapthy a bunch of squirrels, have the wizard cast Explosive Runes on them, send them into a village cutting down the forest, then tell the villagers that the forest has declared a jihad against them. (Runes were activated remotely by Arcane Eye )

By RAW, activating them by Arcane Eye would still hurt the reader, no matter how far away they are. This means that if you wrote the runes on the Moon, and used magic or something so you could see them, the explosion would reach across the void and hit you for 6d6 force damage. It would not go abnormally far in any other direction, or hurt anyone in that long path.

Also, anyone else with extreme Spot who did not, in fact, read them, but could if they looked the right way, would also be hurt, as anyone close enough to read gets the same damage, no save.

[Bearpunch]

1070: I will stop thinking of incredibly convoluted homebrew abilities for my Warforged.
1071: I will NOT ask for wings and a tail on my Dragonborn.

[Traab]

By RAW, activating them by Arcane Eye would still hurt the reader, no matter how far away they are. This means that if you wrote the runes on the Moon, and used magic or something so you could see them, the explosion would reach across the void and hit you for 6d6 force damage. It would not go abnormally far in any other direction, or hurt anyone in that long path.

Also, anyone else with extreme Spot who did not, in fact, read them, but could if they looked the right way, would also be hurt, as anyone close enough to read gets the same damage, no save.

Hmmm, How about this then? I dunno if its possible to do, but can you apply some sort of compulsion effect to one of the squirrels that makes everyone in range want to look at them?

[Gadora]

1070: I will stop thinking of incredibly convoluted homebrew abilities for my Warforged.
1071: I will NOT ask for wings and a tail on my Dragonborn.

Why ask? Just spend a feat on Dragonblooded at first level, take a a pair of flaws to grab Dragon Wings and Dragon Tail from Races of the Dragon, and maybe throw in Jaws of Death a bit later for a bite attack.

If you want a breath weapon, go dragonfire adept, and you save a feat a first level.

Horribly unoptimized, I know, but I kind of want to run that now. Unfortunately...

1072: I may not play a dragonblooded warforged during anything but a one-shot.

[Bearpunch]

Why ask? Just spend a feat on Dragonblooded at first level, take a a pair of flaws to grab Dragon Wings and Dragon Tail from Races of the Dragon, and maybe throw in Jaws of Death a bit later for a bite attack.

Its just that the player that asked it incessently annoying with it. ESPECIALLY his new warforged. My god.

[Gadora]

Its just that the player that asked it incessently annoying with it. ESPECIALLY his new warforged. My god.

Ooph. Sorry, I was really just trying to be a bit silly. (And I've had that kicking around in the back of my head for a little while.)

[Bearpunch]

Ooph. Sorry, I was really just trying to be a bit silly. (And I've had that kicking around in the back of my head for a little while.)

I didn't take it insultingy just a bit more nackground. At the time (with the dragonborn) we were playing essentials only because we were all new to D&D and my player brought in like a bajillion homebrew rules, which leads me to:

1073: I will not complain about the DM deciding against unbalance homebrew rules.
1073a: even if it is a jetpack.

edited for numbers

[Ksheep]

Hmmm, How about this then? I dunno if its possible to do, but can you apply some sort of compulsion effect to one of the squirrels that makes everyone in range want to look at them?

Or, you know, have all the squirrels read the runes off each other at the same time. You are more or less controlling them. Just have them ring the town and watch the fireworks.

[Antonok]

By RAW, activating them by Arcane Eye would still hurt the reader, no matter how far away they are. This means that if you wrote the runes on the Moon, and used magic or something so you could see them, the explosion would reach across the void and hit you for 6d6 force damage. It would not go abnormally far in any other direction, or hurt anyone in that long path.

Also, anyone else with extreme Spot who did not, in fact, read them, but could if they looked the right way, would also be hurt, as anyone close enough to read gets the same damage, no save.

Hmm, did not know that one.

Hmmm, How about this then? I dunno if its possible to do, but can you apply some sort of compulsion effect to one of the squirrels that makes everyone in range want to look at them?

Lol... I just had the image of an army of squirrels in tophats dancing the can-can then randomly exploding as a crowd of onlookers watched... (I'm demented, I know)