Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

[Necroticplague]

1922. Killing the boss the DM designed to provide a long and challenging fight in just over one round via a surprise round and multiple critical hits, while awesome, is generally considered bad form.

1922a:Killing him in one round despite being surprised and rolling a bunch of 1s it even worse form.

[Acarhol]

1923: Upon seeing a room with a ceiling full of alchemist's fires, the correct response, at level 4, is to stop and ponder an innovative solution around the trap.
1923a: The correct response is not to just have everone else hide in the previous room, and then blast the furthest one away with magic and running away, setting off a chain reaction that causes a huge fireball that spreads into the adjacent rooms
1923b:especially if the mini-boss golem is currently waiting in the next room, and the blast turns him into a bubbling pile of molten metal

1924: It is unwise as a DM to give a level 4 party an epic artefact that allows the wearer to teleport/dimension door multiple times a day
1924a: Especially if putting the amulet on effectively makes you high and unable to comprehend danger.
1924b: Doubly so if it can be put on by more than one character a day. Having half the party off their face and unable to sense danger severely slows down exploration of dungeons.
1924c: Triply so if you then make one of the two remaining 'sane' members tweaked as if on speed.

[Freelancer Jack]

1925: Shooting the main villein with an arrow, as he is in the middle of monologing right before the final showdown, at the exact moment he turns around to pace in the other direction to score a sneak attack, with an arrow that has an explosive rune on it.

Greatest end to a Campaign I have ever had. I still wonder what his whole plan was? oh well.

[Qwertystop]

1925: Shooting the main villein with an arrow, as he is in the middle of monologing right before the final showdown, at the exact moment he turns around to pace in the other direction to score a sneak attack, with an arrow that has an explosive rune on it.

Greatest end to a Campaign I have ever had. I still wonder what his whole plan was? oh well.

Explosive Rune doesn't explode on contact with stuff, it explodes when read.

[Drazik]

1926 shooting the bbeg in the knee with an arrow then insisting that we don't have to fight him because he can't be an adventurer like us anymore, and must become a gaurd now is in bad taste, and WILL get me struck by lightning several times by 'chance'

[Esprit15]

Explosive Rune doesn't explode on contact with stuff, it explodes when read.

Presumably he would have read the ruins on the arrow.

[Freelancer Jack]

Explosive Rune doesn't explode on contact with stuff, it explodes when read.

I didn't tell the DM that.

[The Reverend]

Im stealing the explosive rune arrow trick, I formally announce it. Attach it to a letter on a shipment of "ale" (really filled with alchemist fire or some such) and have it delivered to the enemy. Enemy reads it boom. Also equally funny, shoot arrow with message in it at enemy guards, they read it and boom.

[The Zoat]

1927: I may not slip someone I need to kill a note that tells a funny story ending with explosive runes so their last words are "WTF? BOOM!".

[Qwertystop]

Im stealing the explosive rune arrow trick, I formally announce it. Attach it to a letter on a shipment of "ale" (really filled with alchemist fire or some such) and have it delivered to the enemy. Enemy reads it boom. Also equally funny, shoot arrow with message in it at enemy guards, they read it and boom.

Similarly, Explosive Runes deals Force damage, not Fire damage, and would likely not explode combustibles. Unless they would ignite on impact with something.

[Lord Il Palazzo]

Similarly, Explosive Runes deals Force damage, not Fire damage, and would likely not explode combustibles. Unless they would ignite on impact with something.

Force damage to everything in 10 feet seems likely enough to crack open at least some of the vials of alchemist's fire.

[Winds]

1928: I may not work around the fact that Explosive Runes would not trigger literal explosions with Craft: Alchemy.
1928b: Seriously, I don't care how good your Craft: Alchemy is, you are not going to invert nitroglycerin.

[Feddlefew]

1929: I may never play a gnome dentist again.

[jindra34]

1930: Not allowed to write my biography with explosive runes on every word. After finding away to ensure the book does not get destroyed.

[vegetalss4]

Similarly, Explosive Runes deals Force damage, not Fire damage, and would likely not explode combustibles. Unless they would ignite on impact with something.

Alchemist fire explodes upon contact with air, and the rune certainly would be able to open the barrel.

[Pokonic]

1931: Dispite being at epic level, there is no way that your rouge can steal the moon, nor swipe away a gods domain. No, no even if her name is the Red Fandango.

[jaybird]

1932: My Nomad's theme song may not be "I like to Move It".

[Dimonite]

1933: I am not allowed, at fourth level, to attack high-level clerics of the Librarian Goddess just because they shushed me.
1934: When I ask the person with a robe of cure light wounds to "poke me with his item", I may not complain when he stabs me.
1934a: Especially if I just ruined his attempts at diplomacy with the halfling librarians.

[Freelancer Jack]

1935: While playing a dragon character, kill the primary quest giver (in this case the high king) and polymorph into him.

1935a: after doing this, not taking any direction from the DM and splinting up the party and making them do random side missions while the whole kingdom collapses.

1935b: and after having the walls of the castle breached by rebel forces and being slain in said polymorph form; turning back into a epic level dragon that the PC's weren't supposed to fight for another month of game play and promptly KO'ing half the group and stealing all their items from them. Then destroying the whole town they were currently in by lighting it on fire.

That was a good campaign, and the reason why nobody in my table top group allows me to play a dragon anymore.

[Alabenson]

1936: Not allowed to make my bard's character concept be "the gnomish Freddy Mercury"
1936b: Nor may it be "the gnomish David Bowie"

1937: May not base my character off of Jareth from the movie The Labyrinth
1937b: May not base my character off of any character from the movie The Labyrinth.

1938: LAW rockets are not for indoor use and I am to remember this.

[Ksheep]

1938b: M2 Brownings are not for indoor use, unless all squad mates are safely behind you.
1938c: Davy Crockett recoilless guns are not for indoor use either.
1938ci: Davy Crockett recoilless guns are not for use on any target closer than half a mile.

[Vknight]

1939: Ghouls are no longer allowed in any Fallout game
1939b: Especially a group of glowing ones that stay together for a corona of healing radiation.
1940: Supermutants are no longer allowed in any Fallout Game
1940b: Especially if said supermutant can deal 2d12+20per round at level 1
1941: I can play a Robobrain
1941b: I cannot play a Protectron or Securitron
1942: Dogs no longer exist as PC's
1943: Deathclaws can be intelligent
1943b: No we can't play one
1943c: Especially if said Deathclaw is more powerful then the super mutant

1944: A paladin cannot activate all 15of the alchemist fires, the 10rockets, 6acids, 7alchemist frosts, 3thunderstones, and 4skycandles by smashing them against his skin for a chain reaction in hopes to kill the villain.
1944b: He also cannot voluntarily fail the save so the explosives don't ignite
1944c: He also cannot use smite evil on the attack.

1945: I cannot play any CoC scenario unless I play a soldier or military officer as to limit my utility so as not to solve the mystery within the 1st 20minutes.

[Doorhandle]

1945: If I am a primal class, I do not need to be dragged kicking and screaming into actually helping the wilds.

1946:Yes, I can use the artificer’s blink dog to teleport. This is not, however, called a dogport.
1946.B: There are no ships that dock at a dogport.
1946.C: Not you use any dogport in a storm.
1946.D: No port puns!

1947:Even if he uses an elf model to show his character, the human cleric is not a Vulcan.
1947.B: Even if the new cleric was late, not to say that I found himd after i tripped over him lying in a corner.

1948:My shiny new magic warhammer is not called Brine****er
1948.B:Or Mudsucker.
1948.C:Or the Ballad of Biggie Smalls
1948.D:Calling it the Drum Solo of Biggie Smalls is just tacky.

1949:The magic warhammer is not a Warhammer 40K
1949.B:Not to make horrific puns just to add them to the list.

1950:If the party is attacked immediately after the artificer carves a diamond out of the wall, not allowed to blame him.
1950.B:The eladrin cleric, while correct, is not to say “I told you so.”

1951:The official term is *Bloodied*, not *Muddied*
1951.B:I don’t care if we are fighting mud elementals!

1952: If the vain swordmage is engulfed by a mud elemental, he is not allowed to cry.
1952.B: I am not allowed to ask “show me on the doll where the mud touched you.”

1953:Just because we found an immobile, Time-stopped waterfall, doesn’t mean that water works like in minecraft in the Feywild.
1953.B:Cannot ask how I managed to *MISS* a waterfall.

1954:Team eladrin is not allowed to teleport away without the warden and the cleric.
1954.B:If we use the blink dog to pass through the water-wall, it is not called a doggie door.

1955.B:I am not to lecture the party on how the feywild works if 90% of their characters were born there.

[TechnoScrabble]

1956. Never again is the term 'sweet dwarf lovin'' to be used in a sentence.

1957. If its been mentioned in the Book of Erotic Fantasy, the answer is no.

[The-Mage-King]

1958: I may not make a female personality Warforged Bard/Reforged with ranks in Perform (Oratory), and give her a leek obsession.
1958A: ...Or, in fact, any Warforged Bard/Reforged. EVER. ESPECIALLY ones who can sing.


1959: I may not base all my characters on memes chosen via the "random" button on Know Your Meme.
1959a: Or any of them, for that matter.

[Doorhandle]

1959: My Invoker of Kord is not Dwarven Doctor Doom.

[Freelancer Jack]

1960: I am not longer alode to add Blazing berserker to a Prestige class Barbarian as a feat while one of the other party members is a druid with bark skin.
1961: I am not aloud to use "HA ! i'm illiterate." as an excuse to keep the DM from using runes.

[Chookster]

1962: i am to remind the dm that the entire party can teleport before he uses a wall as a serious barrier

[Freelancer Jack]

1963: as a mind-flayer, eat the brains of every single person in the inn your party is staying at, then fain ignorance in the morning when the town is filled with zombies.

1964: ploy morph into a mouse, infultrate a castle, then poly morph into a dragon once inside the building you wanted to get into said building, which is much smaller then your dragon form.

1965: Paint a stone golem gold, then hide it in your hoard.

1966: In a steam punk RP, create a steam-punk chainsaw sword. Then begin taking levels as a paladin, then go on a butchering spree against a village of low level orcs while screaming, "FOR THE EMPEROR!"

1967: Foil an assassination attempt by having the sudden urge to us the bathroom.

1968: Teleport your enemy 10,00km strait up. (congrats to those of you who know the end location)

[Skelengar]

1969: When playing a character with an ill defined personality, I should avoid watching a lot of Dexter.