Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

[Freelancer Jack]

2037d: Yes, even the peseant you just robbed. most storylines will have him and the high king be the same person.

Wait what? Thats never happened to me, usaly just an anger mob of villagers mob us and beat the crap out of everybody.

[boomwolf]

2037f: asking a fantasy version of replicators that is way off...

[Zale]

2038: I may not play a bear.
2038a: Riding a bear.
2038b: Shooting bears.

[Sgt. Cookie]

2039c: Who's animal companion is a bear.


We're nearing the 50 page limit. We need a name for thread three. How about: "Things I may no longer do while playing III: Dodging books is a reflex save."?

[Pokonic]

Why not this?

Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: You can't Gate a Demon Prince.

[jaybird]

Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: Even Pun-Pun does not have DR/DM Fiat.

[Metahuman1]

Things I May No Longer Due While Gaming III: I am not allowed to be Proficient in Plot Armor.

Just off the top of my head.

[Pie Guy]

Things I May No Longer Due While Gaming III: Zoos do not have Fleshrakers

[Ksheep]

Things I May No Longer Do While Playing: The Number of the Counting Shall Not Be Three

Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: Revenge of the Kazoo

[Qwertystop]

"Things I may no longer do while playing III: Dodging books is a reflex save."?

I second this. A lot of the others look like good entries in the list, though.

[Thomo]

"Things I may no longer do while playing III: Dodging books is a reflex save."?

Thirded. This is a good title.

[Vixsor Lumin]

"Things I may no longer do while playing III: Dodging books is a reflex save."?

Can I fourth this?

[kaomera]

"Things I may no longer do while playing III: 3d6 six times for each stat."

2040: No longer allowed to suggest alternate methods for rolling ability scores.
2040a: Especially for entirely points-buy systems.
2040b: Especially especially for systems that lack ability scores.

[Kymme]

My vote goes to
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: No. Because no.

[Esprit15]

I rather liked The Number of the Counting Shall Not Be Three, but Dodging Rulebooks is a Reflex Save was good as well.

[Ksheep]

2041: My familiar may not be an Angry Bird.
2042: I may not build a magic-powered helicopter for my tortoise familiar.
2043: Having a mentally-retarded human as a familiar is frowned upon.

[Kazyan]

2044: Cannot mismatch the party's optimization level. The paragon dracolich is the BBEG for when we get to epic level, not "might have to buff myself for this one".

[Marillion]

2045: Dialogue between players must consist of more than Queen lyrics.
2045a: Particularly if that song is Bicycle.
2045b: The middle of The Prophet's Song is right out.
2046: Nyancat is not an acceptable substitute

[Freelancer Jack]

2047:
In a demi-god game. I may not be "Lord Freelancer, patron god of guns" and make it rain artillery shells by clapping my hands while riding my mount. which is a tank.
(i'm honestly kind of confused he even let me play with that name, the hell did he think i was going to do?)

[Rankar]

I like the reflex save one.

2048: I am not allowed to convince halflings through logic that they are physically challenged because of their height.

[Sith_Happens]

In Changeling: The Lost:

2049) No matter what its sanctions are, I may not make a pledge with "Boons: Every combat-related merit in the game" and "Task: Win next combat encounter."
2050) I must occassionally respond to situations in ways other than "I kill him/her/it" or "I stare him/her/it down."
2051) Pouring gasoline on my intended target does not count as a major favor for fire in order to fulfill the catch for Elements (Fire) 4.
2051a) For similar reasons, I may not have Contract of the Elements (Gasoline).
2052b) Contract of the Elements (Napalm) is right out.
2052) If at any point while explaining my plan I use the word "Inception," it is vetoed.
2053) I may not stockpile large amounts of pedicle velvet.
2053a) Especially not if my character has been invited to cater a Spring Court-sponsored event of any kind.
2053b) Pedicle velvet no longer exists.

[Freelancer Jack]

2054:
I am no longer aloud to use "Cone of force" as a breath weapon.
2055:
There is no sexually transmitted disease or curse that causes your genitals to burst into flames when you are aroused.

[Hiro Protagonest]

2054:
I am no longer aloud to use "Cone of force" as a breath weapon.

2054a. I am no longer aloud to use "cone of sonic" as a breath weapon.

2055. There is no mohawk class.
2055a. The ToB errata does not change the name of the warblade to mohawk.
2055b. But if Mr. T ever joins our group, that's what we should tell him.

[BlackestOfMages]

2055a: (freelancer's version) unless I am a very bored wizard, or want a good nights sleep

[Dragon Star]

2057 (there are two 2055s): I may not pick up random cattle just because I haven't filled my carrying capacity.
2057a: I may not forget about said cattle.
2057b: When I remember about it, I am not allowed to use it as a projectile weapon.
2057c: Especially not if I throw it through a wall of fire at my enemies.
2057d: And doing so does not give a bonus to Intimidate.
2057e: I may no longer play any character with a Strength score above 10.

[Ulysses WkAmil]

2058. I am no longer allowed to distract the Armoured Gullvorg with foul-smelling panties

[Razgriez]

2059. If my Scythe Wielding fighter, somehow managed to gain access to Slay Living Spell-Like, I will not use it to bail my character out of a forced Assassination attempt on him.


For those wondering the story behind it:

Spoiler

Show

Home Brew 3.0 campaign, as a reward for a quest, my Scythe Wielding Fighter, gained the ability to use "Slay Living" 3 times per week as a spell like ability. Unfortunately, he was also the 2nd, of two characters I was controlling. To help the DM keep his sanity of where all the PCs where, he asked if I wouldn't mind getting rid of said character from the game, via say, an Assassination attempt. I told him I did mind, but I'd let him (try) to kill the second character.

Cue Night of the Assassination attempt, things go well for the DM, the Rival group to our party, using Scry and Die tactics, Scrys against the Scythe Wielder. He has good Int. but he's a fighter still, and poor at countering, or realizing what's going on. Rival group teleports in, and begins to wreck some havoc. and the First round, we find out, that most have been buffed prior to attacking us. Going after the Mage of the enemy group, my Scythe Fighter finds out it not only has a Racial Enhanced Natural armor, but also Stoneskin cast. So, to at least put up a fight, I begin searching my Character sheet, for alternate solutions.... one pops up, when I remember the Slay Living spell like reward. Sure, even with that, the Save DC isn't going to be high, but still a feasible challenge for a 7th level mage, and if doesn't succeed, it's still 3d6 damage. I use it.

So I roll, I hit.
DM Rolls the mage's Fort Save, and NAT 1. Mage keels over dead.

This act turns the battle to our favor. And my character survived!..... Unfortunately, he's now forced out of the party, due to a special form of the Lesser Geas spell with the command to "kill your comrades". Since my character won't do that, he will be essentially, bed ridden, and locked for his own safety in a room when he goes pretty much, all Negative modifiers, with the exception of his Dexterity. (which thanks to having a 19, will be reduced to an 11 at the full height of the Geas' penalties.) And no, there is no cure available for this special, high powered version of Lesser Geas merely the character has to be outed from the party for now, until the effect wears off weeks latter.

[Ulysses WkAmil]

2060. I will not shout "I'M READY TO FIGHT ORCUS NAOW" after every gained level.
2061. I will not tell an "Arrow to the Knee" joke after every ranged attack.
2062. I will not use the Invoker spell "Astral Step" and teleport everyone randomly while shouting "CHANGE PLACES" simply too confuse the orcs.
2064. I will not hit on any female NPCs of any importance if they have ranks in sense motive.
2065. My sling bullets do not melt chainmail, even if I roll a natural 20.
2066. I will not openly insult my fellow team member as a "Treehugging-dirtmunching-druid"
2067. I will not ask the barmaid where the nearest brothel is.
2068. I will not ask the DM to hombrew a brothel.

[Ksheep]

2069: May not roll up the Mad Hatter
2070: May not roll up the March Hare
2071: May not roll up the Queen of Hearts
2072: May not roll up the Dodo
2073: May not roll up ANYONE from Alice in Wonderland

2071: If my character's brother is a druid while mine is a barbarian, may not recreate the plot of Brother Bear every time he shape changes
2072: Genies are NOT all voiced by Robin Williams

[Kazyan]

2076: Cannot cast mass awaken.