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  1. - Top - End - #1411
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Ulysses WkAmil's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

    2072a. All farmiliars are NOT voiced by Gilbert Gottfried
    \A/ Why play fair when you can "Technically" play fair. \A/
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    Ah say ah canno' jump, ya' jus' 'ave ta' toss meh!

  2. - Top - End - #1412
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    Kazyan's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

    2077: Cannot play "Psychotic Neutral" rogues.

  3. - Top - End - #1413
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    NecromancerGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

    Quote Originally Posted by Ulysses WkAmil View Post
    2072a. All farmiliars are NOT voiced by Gilbert Gottfried
    2072b: Yeah that's only awakened parrots.
    Most people see a half orc and and think barbarian warrior. Me on the other hand? I think secondary trap handler and magic item tester. Also I'm not allowed to trick the next level one wizard into starting a fist fight with a house cat no matter how annoying he is.
    Yes I know it's sarcasm. It's a joke. Pale green is for snarking
    Thread wins: 2

  4. - Top - End - #1414
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    Sgt. Cookie's Avatar

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    2078: Perform (Swordplay) does not add to my attack.
    2078a: But it can be used for Bardic skills.
    Open the lid and snatch a homebrewed treat from Cookie's Jar

    Ponytar by Dirtytabs

    Like the look of the Prestige Bard/Paladin/Ranger, but don't know how best to use them? There's a guide for that.

  5. - Top - End - #1415
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    boomwolf's Avatar

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    2078: using Prefom (swordplay) wont get a bonus if i have weapon focus.


    Quote Originally Posted by Cormag81 View Post
    2117: No matter how good a debater I am out of character there is no way to logically get out of falling after your paladin kills his patron god.

  6. - Top - End - #1416
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    Maxios's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

    2079: Can not cut off the head of a monster, and start showing off the head of said monster in a tavern...especially if the tavernkeep has a phobia of the monster.
    Artifical intelligence is no match for natural stupidity
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rogerd View Post
    Strike me down and I'll clean the floor faster than you can imagine

  7. - Top - End - #1417
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    kaomera's Avatar

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    2079a: Not allowed to pull a Perseus with an Umber Hulk's severed head.
    Come, visit the exotic desert beauty of the City of Zangiers!
    (Just be sure to bring a sharp sword and sharper wits.)

  8. - Top - End - #1418
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    Ulysses WkAmil's Avatar

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    2080. I am not allowed to put enough ranks in Hide to castrate a dragon without it knowing, and then proceed to dazzle the commoners with "floating dragon nuts"
    \A/ Why play fair when you can "Technically" play fair. \A/
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    Ah say ah canno' jump, ya' jus' 'ave ta' toss meh!

  9. - Top - End - #1419
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    SwashbucklerGuy

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    2081: May not manipulate the various kingdoms and countries into a convoluted set of alliances that will lead to a world war if any one attacks anyone else.
    2081B: May not then assassinate the archduke of one of the countries in order to spark said war.
    2081C: May not lead a revolution in the largest of these kingdoms during the war, setting up a "People's Republic" with me as the head honcho.
    2081D: Especially if said kingdom then drops out of the war.
    2081E: ESPECIALLY is said kingdom was the first one to counterattack, causing everyone else to go to war.
    Proud owner of: 0.36 0.43 0.99 Internet(s), 2 Win(s), and 3000 Brownie Point(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by Welknair View Post
    *Proceeds to google "Bride of the Portable Hole", jokingly wondering if it might exist*

    *It does.*

    What.

  10. - Top - End - #1420
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    Aidan305's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

    Quote Originally Posted by Ksheep View Post
    2081: May not manipulate the various kingdoms and countries into a convoluted set of alliances that will lead to a world war if any one attacks anyone else.
    2081B: May not then assassinate the archduke of one of the countries in order to spark said war.
    2081C: May not lead a revolution in the largest of these kingdoms during the war, setting up a "People's Republic" with me as the head honcho.
    2081D: Especially if said kingdom then drops out of the war.
    2081E: ESPECIALLY is said kingdom was the first one to counterattack, causing everyone else to go to war.
    You started WW1 in a game? I approve. Putting yourself in charge of Russia is a very good stroke as well.
    Last edited by Aidan305; 2011-12-26 at 12:49 PM.

  11. - Top - End - #1421
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    SwashbucklerGuy

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aidan305 View Post
    You started WW1 in a game? I approve. Putting yourself in charge of Russia is a very good stroke as well.
    Unfortunately, I haven't… yet. Been really tempted to, but the rest of the party keeps telling me not to for some reason…
    Proud owner of: 0.36 0.43 0.99 Internet(s), 2 Win(s), and 3000 Brownie Point(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by Welknair View Post
    *Proceeds to google "Bride of the Portable Hole", jokingly wondering if it might exist*

    *It does.*

    What.

  12. - Top - End - #1422
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    rogueboy's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

    2082. No longer allowed to play a character who's entire tactical acumen is "hit it in the face".
    2082a. Especially if that character can, single-handedly, defeat an encounter designed for a full party of higher level than the character currently is (by several levels).
    2083. No longer allowed to play a character who can't pay attention to anything for more than ~5 seconds.
    2083a. Especially if I'm going to roleplay that and tune out 90% of the DM's descriptions.
    2084. No longer allowed to play a character who will destroy an entire town "because it was in my way". (to be fair, I don't remember if that was the exact motivation... it may have been "because it was there")
    2085. No longer allowed to play a character who has a memory that might rival a goldfish's.
    2085a. Especially if that allows the character to defeat the DM's pet NPC, who charmed the party in an attempt to punish us for destroying the town (see 2084).
    2086. No longer allowed to run off in a dungeon and end up running around in circles until another party member has to trip said character to allow the dungeon crawl to continue.
    2087. Not allowed to use "something inside it" as an excuse to break statues.
    2087a. Especially if I don't know the context in which that phrase was used.

    This was all one character, in a campaign that lasted all of ~5 sessions. Oddly enough, my character wasn't the cause of its demise... he was actually the only reason the campaign was even remotely memorable.
    Last edited by rogueboy; 2011-12-26 at 09:39 PM.
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    you're like a male Felicia Day
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    Witch doctors might tell you "ooh ee ooh ah ah ting tang wallawalla bing bang", but they give you that for everything, so most of us consider it a ridiculous scam.
    Quote Originally Posted by DeadManSleeping View Post
    When you're flopping about uncertainly like a Magikarp that just got sent in against a level 60 Venusaur, just go back to the basics.

  13. - Top - End - #1423
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    BardGirl

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

    I got Munchkin for Christmas.

    2088. If I am playing a thief, I may not attempt to steal anything while I am at level one.
    2089. I may not play a thief.

  14. - Top - End - #1424
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    SamuraiGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

    2090: I may not make a goliath dungeoncrasher zhentarim fighter that uses spiked armor and roleplays as a luchador, screaming the names of every move he wants to do as he attacks, derailing important DM plot points, screaming "CAN YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING?!?!?!?" every time he kills someone or causes someone to cower, and one-shotting the BBEG with an psuedo-ubercharger feat chain comboed with dungeoncrashing them into the dirt.
    2090a: Especially if the move screamed is Butt-Buster. That will get the DM Guide, Complete Warrior, Dungeonscape, and Races of Stone thrown at me.

  15. - Top - End - #1425
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    Rockphed's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by ORione View Post
    I got Munchkin for Christmas.

    2088. If I am playing a thief, I may not attempt to steal anything while I am at level one.
    2089. I may not play a thief.
    Ah, munchin!

    2091: I am not allowed to cheat to get a plutonium dragon as a pet.
    2091b: Nor can I cheat so that nobody is allowed to fight monsters(I think it was a polymorph potion)
    2091c: If the 3 clerics join forces to win in unison, I may not complain.
    2092: The name of the game is not keeping your husband at level 1. No matter how much fun everyone has doing so.
    Dragontar by Serpentine.

    Now offering unsolicited advice.

  16. - Top - End - #1426
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

    2093: My plan for killing the BBEG may not begin with: "Well let me crack open my physics textbook. If I can apply an X newton force over Y meters..."
    2094: If my plan requires me to ask for the impulse time of anything impacting human flesh, the answer is no.
    2095: Doubly so if it means I can one shot a man five levels higher than me with a single throwing knife.
    2096: Throwing knives are not bullets, and I will do well to remember this.
    2097: I may not have a physics text next to me while playing.
    2097b: Nor my physics notes.
    2098: It is irrelevant how many newtons/pascals/joules I can subject an enemy to, they are still taking the damage that the book says they do.
    2099: Screw it, this world has different physics than the real world.
    2100: I may not work on the physics of my plan and then show the GM the math to prove that my plan will work. Refer to 2099 for further questions.
    2101: My character may not be above average in intelligence.

    I seriously have been playing with an idea like this, and I know I'd get told no if I even suggested it.
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  17. - Top - End - #1427
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    jindra34's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

    Quote Originally Posted by EspritRequin View Post
    2093: My plan for killing the BBEG may not begin with: "Well let me crack open my physics textbook. If I can apply an X newton force over Y meters..."
    2094: If my plan requires me to ask for the impulse time of anything impacting human flesh, the answer is no.
    2095: Doubly so if it means I can one shot a man five levels higher than me with a single throwing knife.
    2096: Throwing knives are not bullets, and I will do well to remember this.
    2097: I may not have a physics text next to me while playing.
    2097b: Nor my physics notes.
    2098: It is irrelevant how many newtons/pascals/joules I can subject an enemy to, they are still taking the damage that the book says they do.
    2099: Screw it, this world has different physics than the real world.
    2100: I may not work on the physics of my plan and then show the GM the math to prove that my plan will work. Refer to 2099 for further questions.
    2101: My character may not be above average in intelligence.

    I seriously have been playing with an idea like this, and I know I'd get told no if I even suggested it.
    I'm assuming the system wasn't Gurps which incorporates a good deal of physics in its damage calculations to the point where people have a joules of energy->damage conversion equation.
    avatar by Three Shades
    Official Founder of the Defenders of the Kitsune, Nekomata, Tengu, Tanookie and Mujina. Please leave the Real World at the door.

  18. - Top - End - #1428
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    DwarfBarbarianGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

    2102:If a plan begins with "Line up the 500 commoners" it better be part of an evil campaign and kill them, not abuse the rules to destroy a castle wall with a rock.

  19. - Top - End - #1429
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    BlueKnightGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

    2103: My character's defaul respone to any situation is not sell their soul
    2103b: nor is it sell the paladin's soul for him on credit
    2013c: My character does not know the soul-to-worth echance rate of everyone he meets, nor is he a major player in the Immortal Soul stock market
    love of mine, someday you will die,
    and I'll be close behind
    to follow you into the dark


    death cab for cutie - I will follow you into the dark

    Bleach D20 classes project - come, we wants all your brians!
    BleachD20 source book

  20. - Top - End - #1430
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    Socratov's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackestOfMages View Post
    2103: My character's defaul respone to any situation is not sell their soul
    2103b: nor is it sell the paladin's soul for him on credit
    2013c: My character does not know the soul-to-worth echance rate of everyone he meets, nor is he a major player in the Immortal Soul stock market
    you, sir, have given me an idea :)

    Baubles for Blackwing!

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  21. - Top - End - #1431
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    PaladinGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

    2014: kill the monsters, steal the treasure, stab your buddy is not an appropriate motto for the party paladin.
    My wifi is down. It should be back up by the 22nd. Sorry, snowy, morcy, drack, hat, etc.

  22. - Top - End - #1432
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    boomwolf's Avatar

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    2014a: That is, unless you are playing a warhammer-style world.


    Quote Originally Posted by Cormag81 View Post
    2117: No matter how good a debater I am out of character there is no way to logically get out of falling after your paladin kills his patron god.

  23. - Top - End - #1433
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    SwashbucklerGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

    2105: May not invent a swiss-army polearm.
    2106: May not roll up a doppelgangster.
    2107: A Tequila Mockingbird is not an appropriate familiar for the wizard.
    2108: May not create a Spiked Codpiece for the Paladin.
    2109: The Chainsaw of Bloody Dismemberment is right out.
    2110: As are Boots of Butt Kicking.
    Proud owner of: 0.36 0.43 0.99 Internet(s), 2 Win(s), and 3000 Brownie Point(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by Welknair View Post
    *Proceeds to google "Bride of the Portable Hole", jokingly wondering if it might exist*

    *It does.*

    What.

  24. - Top - End - #1434
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    Ulysses WkAmil's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

    2111. I may not create a Rouge/Druid multiclass, name it Batman, then slaugter all of the jesters I see because they might be my "nemisis"
    2111a. Nor am I allowed to slaugter Ice-Wizards, Penguin-Druids, Clay-Constructs, Half-Baked people, Scarecrows, or anyone who asks a riddle
    2112. I am not allowed to take over the recently-cleared cave and rename it
    2112a. Even if one of the hirelings is a butler
    \A/ Why play fair when you can "Technically" play fair. \A/
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    Ah say ah canno' jump, ya' jus' 'ave ta' toss meh!

  25. - Top - End - #1435
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    horseboy's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

    2113 Even if he's based on Ira Hayes, my Shantor shall not be named: "Firewater Pony."

    2114 Said Shantor will not have a tattoo of any kind any where. A hip flask on their butt is right out.

    2115 Shantor do not come in pastel colors.

    2116 The same rules apply to K'kree
    Last edited by horseboy; 2012-01-02 at 04:44 PM.
    Alot is not a word. It's a lot, two words.
    Always use the proper tool. If the proper tool isn't available, try a hammer.


  26. - Top - End - #1436
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BlackDragon

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    Hey blackestofmages watch your numbering you screwed some people up

    2117: No matter how good a debater I am out of character there is no way to logically get out of falling after your paladin kills his patron god.

  27. - Top - End - #1437
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    Socratov's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

    Quote Originally Posted by Cormag81 View Post
    Hey blackestofmages watch your numbering you screwed some people up

    2117: No matter how good a debater I am out of character there is no way to logically get out of falling after your paladin kills his patron god.
    say WHAT? I don't even, it's like... *brain.exe has stopped working, we recommend you restart your system or when the problem persists you contact your system administrator."

    Baubles for Blackwing!

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  28. - Top - End - #1438
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cormag81 View Post
    Hey blackestofmages watch your numbering you screwed some people up

    2117: No matter how good a debater I am out of character there is no way to logically get out of falling after your paladin kills his patron god.
    I am so sigging this....


    Quote Originally Posted by Cormag81 View Post
    2117: No matter how good a debater I am out of character there is no way to logically get out of falling after your paladin kills his patron god.

  29. - Top - End - #1439
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

    Quote Originally Posted by Cormag81 View Post
    Hey blackestofmages watch your numbering you screwed some people up

    2117: No matter how good a debater I am out of character there is no way to logically get out of falling after your paladin kills his patron god.
    2118: Unless he then becomes the replacement for that Deity who was being Corrupted by some other Deity/Over-deity/Cosmic force to evil.
    "I Burn!"

  30. - Top - End - #1440
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

    2119. Called shots to the lekku are considered extremely unsportsmanlike.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cirrylius View Post
    That's how wizards beta test their new animals. If it survives Australia, it's a go. Which in hindsight explains a LOT about Australia.

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