Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

[Lord Raziere]

224. I may not justify every action I do as "because I'm chaotic evil."

225. I may not justify every action I do as "because I'm neutral evil."

226. I may not justify every action I do as "because I'm lawful evil, therefore I'm legally allowed to be however evil as I want."

227. I may not justify every action I do as "I'm Chaotic Neutral, therefore I'm a free spirit and can do whatever I want."

228. I may not justify every action I do as "because I'm True Neutral, I don't care about morality."

229. I may not justify every action I do as "because I'm Lawful Neutral, therefore I'm the law, and the law says I can do whatever I want."

230.I may not justify every action I do as "because I'm Chaotic Good, and its the good of everyone for me to be free and do whatever I want."

231. I may not justify every action I do as "because I'm neutral good, everything I do is for the greater good, and therefore I can do whatever I want."

232. I may not justify ever action I do as "I'm Lawful Good, therefore its my lawful duty to do whatever I want for the good of everyone."

233. screw it. I can't play alignments anymore.

[NeoSeraphi]

223. I may not carry loot inside my stomach such that it doesn't count towards my encumbrance.

What? Come on, why else would you play a Master of Many Forms and walk around as a creature with the Swallow Whole ability?

[Ravens_cry]

Right. It's not Profession: Midwife that makes the baby - they only help in the polishing up of the finished product. Craft: Baby is where it's at.

It is also a class skill for everyone.
***
234 When the party thief 'hands back the leash' to my paladin after a long in-game absence, said paladin is not allowed to ask what the thieves safety word is.

[Arbane]

What? Come on, why else would you play a Master of Many Forms and walk around as a creature with the Swallow Whole ability?

To violate this one:

14. I may not win fights by eating the monster.

[Welknair]

How does Bite of the King interact with 14?

235. I may not worship Pun-Pun

236. I may not summon Pun-Pun

237. I may not make Pun-Pun

238. I may not attempt to explain Pun-Pun

239. I cannot improve upon Pun-Pun

[nhbdy]

How does Bite of the King interact with 14?

235. I may not worship Pun-Pun

236. I may not summon Pun-Pun

237. I may not make Pun-Pun

238. I may not attempt to explain Pun-Pun

239. I cannot improve upon Pun-Pun

240. I will not introduce the new player to the concept of Pun-Pun

241. I will not reference Pun-Pun or any aspect of his nonsense in any way, ever, under any circumstance.

[Sipex]

I can't believe this thread went a few dozen numbers on sexual entendres alone. It was entertaining.

242. I am no longer allowed to put "The Spirit of Rock and Roll" as my diety.

243. I am no longer allowed to attempt the invention of the 'Electric Guitar'.

244. Especially if my blueprints are "Guitar + Call Lightning = Electric Guitar"

245. I am no longer allowed to play theme music whenever my character speaks. Especially if it's from The Lone Ranger.

246. My dual hand-crossbow wielding ranger is not allowed to be named Clint Eastwood.

247. Nor can I simply refer to him as 'The elf with no name.'

248. Nor the Spirit of the West.

249. Future characters may not put 'The Spirit of the West' down as a diety.

[Axinian]

250. I can no longer use CW Samurai for any of my characters, especially after the whole Shneeky event.

[Flame of Anor]

I can't believe this thread went a few dozen numbers on sexual entendres alone. It was entertaining.

242. I am no longer allowed to put "The Spirit of Rock and Roll" as my diety.

243. I am no longer allowed to attempt the invention of the 'Electric Guitar'.

244. Especially if my blueprints are "Guitar + Call Lightning = Electric Guitar"

245. I am no longer allowed to play theme music whenever my character speaks. Especially if it's from The Lone Ranger.

246. My dual hand-crossbow wielding ranger is not allowed to be named Clint Eastwood.

247. Nor can I simply refer to him as 'The elf with no name.'

248. Nor the Spirit of the West.

249. Future characters may not put 'The Spirit of the West' down as a diety.

251. Nor is Clint Eastwood a deity.

252. Nor are his guns the loyal solars that serve him.

[nhbdy]

253. My first answer to a problem is no longer allowed to be "I summon Ashardalon from the realm he was banished to, bind him to my will for one favor before releasing him upon the multiverse."

254. especially if said favor involves baking "the cake to end all cakes."

EDITED because of typo

[Coidzor]

It is also a class skill for everyone.

There's... There's actually a Weebl song on that subject. Called Babies....

251. Nor is Clint Eastwood a deity.

Actually, I believe he is.

[Welknair]

255. "Barbarian" is not the answer to everything.

[nhbdy]

255. "Barbarian" is not the answer to everything.

255a. Nor is frenzied berserker, especially not frenzied berserker

256. Berserk is not a valid reason to kill other party members, when the whole group was out of combat.

257. "I'm raging at society" is not a valid reason to go berserk

[Mixt]

258: I am not allowed to play a cleric of Kamina.

258a: I am not allowed to play a cleric of Simon either.

259: I am not allowed to play a baby black dragon ever again.

[Welknair]

260. I may not hit on every female NPC I meet.

[Axinian]

258b. "The You Who Believes in Me" is not a valid choice of deity or cause.

[byaku rai]

261: When playing D&D, I may not create a character from Exalted.

262: Come to think of it, I may not mix two different RPGs at all.

262b: Especially when one is WH40k.

263: Artificers cannot make God-Machines. Period.

[Ryu_Bonkosi]

264: Even if I have legal documents saying that I own it, I may not sell someone elses soul to the devil.

[Welknair]

264a. That would be a devil. There are more than one.

264b. While we're at it, selling to Demons is prohibited as well.

264c. Daemons too.

[Hiro Protagonest]

265. I am not allowed to start a joke thread like this without first checking to see if Silly Message Board Games has it already.

266. I am not allowed to link that thread to give people even more ideas.
266a. This also goes for linking this thread in that thread.

[Welknair]

266b. I am not allowed to copy the entirety of the other thread into a word document, then paste it into a post on this thread.

[Axinian]

267. I may not list my skill bonus as "very yes," no matter how high the bonus may be.

[Welknair]

268. Nor may my damage ever be listed as "Yes"

[Lord Loss]

269. I may not cut the toes off of the kobold to get information. Or else the paladin will smite me.
270. Nor may I light the kobold on fire when no one's looking.
271. I may not charge the giant's camp when I am a halfling rogue.
272. I may not kill the party sorcerer. Or the paladin will smite me.

[Ryu_Bonkosi]

273: Even if the rules are allow it, every single one of my Unarmed Strikes may not be a pimp slap.

274: I may not start a brothel, especially if my character specialises in Unarmed Striking.

275: The concept of a pimp does not exist in this campaign.

275a: Nor is that an invitation to create the concept of the pimp.

[WildPyre]

276: Making wise cracks about the possibility of the Joker having a physical attraction to Batman to the Joker's face will NOT give me a psychological advantage.

276a: Nor will it do so with Batman.

277: It doesn't matter what the rules are for jurry rigging inventions in M&M, my character can not spend three rounds in a Radio Shack and make a dimensional transporter.

278: Using that dimensional transporter on another player just because their backstory is that they were accidentally transported to my universe does NOT solve everything.

279: I will just generally stop using the invention system in M&M to try and end the GM's game in the first session.

[Hiro Protagonest]

277: It doesn't matter what the rules are for jurry rigging inventions in M&M, my character can not spend three rounds in a Radio Shack and make a dimensional transporter.

You make Macgyver sad.

[Welknair]

280. When using Welknair's Magitech system, I may not turn the Wizard's cat familiar into a Scorching Ray Gun and call it a "Laser cat".

[NikitaDarkstar]

You make Macgyver sad.

and the Doctor! :'(

281. I am NOT allowed to create cat zombie just to make Schröedinger's cat jokes.
281a. The same goes for flesh stiched familiars.
282. I am no longer allowed to question the druids sexual preferences gender or species wise. Especially not while bringing up wildshaping and morals.

[WildPyre]

You make Macgyver sad.

and the Doctor! :'(

Amateurs... AMATEURS I SAY!