LGBTAitp - Part Fifteen

[KenderWizard]

Hi, Neco! And congratulations and good luck, Fay!

[Danne]

BWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Blerk. Just sorta came out to my mom (about being bi, not being trans). We were out for a walk, and talking about random things, and LGBT stuff came up as a topic, and at one point she just sorta asked. Not specifically, "Are you gay?" but, "Have you ever thought about your sexuality?" (which I thought was a weird way to ask, because dude, who hasn't?). So I explained the whole "don't really think gender matters, I'll end up with who I end up (if, indeed, anyone at all)." Didn't specifically say "I'm bisexual," but yeah.

Went over fine, but my nerves are frazzled, because it was sorta out of the blue.

[Fay Graydon]

On the other hand, yay for Fay! (Who I don't know. Nice t' meetcha!) Congrats and I hope everything works out well for you!

Hehe thanks everyone and Danne... all you need to know is I'm someone who drifts in and out/away from giantitp a lot... that and I'm both amazing, Aweshum and adoreable...

[Nix Nihila]

Congratulations Danne! I find it's almost always discombobulating when you come out to someone when you weren't planning to.

[turkishproverb]

Congratulations Danne! I find it's almost always discombobulating when you come out to someone when you weren't planning to.

Indeed it is.

My congrats as well, Danne!

[Danne]

... that and I'm both amazing, Aweshum and adoreable...

Well yes, honey, that goes without saying.

And thanks, Nix and turkish. Still a bit frazzled at the moment -- had a mini panic attack in the car earlier (I felt really claustrophobic!) and almost started crying when someone beeped their horn REALLY loud and long (I have some sensory issues, and normally I can handle it but not when my nerves are shot). I'm okay, though. I think Mum'd be happy no matter who I end up with, so long as it's not just me and a dozen cats. She's convinced I'm going to be some sort of recluse or something. We all got ice cream and then watched some t.v.. So I guess that's that.

[golentan]

*hides collection of cat pictures from the adoption center*

Heh, yeah. I worry I'm going to end up alone sometimes. It's not fun. If I didn't plan on adopting hundreds of catsget on so well with my friends I might adopt some catsbe more obsessive about it than I am. Though I can't stress enough how awesome kittensmy girlfriend is. For all I know I'm with the person I could spend the rest of my ninelives with. That would be cool, though I have backup plans involving kittenstry not to overthink/plan such things.

I'm sorry you're having panic attacks though. I get those myself, usually about things I've done so distantly they have no bearing on my life now but I just stop whatever I'm doing and curse (if alone) or get a thousand yard stare/make pain noises if I'm around other people. Glad it went well though.

[bluewind95]

I'm worried about ending up all alone, too. Having nearly choked to death a few days ago REALLY has not improved my fear of this...

[Serpentine]

Not specifically, "Are you gay?" but, "Have you ever thought about your sexuality?" (which I thought was a weird way to ask, because dude, who hasn't?).

That seems like a really good way for a parent to broach the subject to me, actually.

[Danne]

See, that's the thing -- I don't know that I'd mind ending up alone. It'd be nice to have someone to snuggle with, and who I can count on and who loves me and stuff, and I think I'd like that if I should be so lucky. But I don't know that I need it. I'm going to have people in my life (I plan on adopting kids whether I have a spouse-creature or not!) and a job (that's the plan, anyway...) and kitties. And I'd be okay if that's all I have, though perhaps sometimes lonely, but aren't we all sometimes?

Edit: Oh, Serp, you ninja'd me. You think? I dunno, it felt kind of weird to me, but maybe it's just weird to talk about that with your parents in general. XD

[Serpentine]

It excludes any judgement or expectation, gives you an easy way out, isn't too squicky... Yeah, I can't think of a better way for a parent to broach the subject, if they think it needs broaching.

[golentan]

Yeah... I am unable to deny the fact that I am an emotional cripple and basically incapable of facing the world without someone external to motivate me. It can be burning hatred or powerful love, but I need other people as emotional objects the way heroin users need their fix. Possibly literally: I have some abnormal brain chemistry and I do know that the neural pathways for romantic attachment and heroin share significant amounts of overlap*. It also makes sense within the context of my probably-not-real memories, but there it would be included as a deliberate design feature. Which I would resent if I didn't see the necessity and the ludicrous improbability of a circumstance like the one I find myself in from the POV of the engineers.

Yeah... Tl;dr, Golentan is doing crazy rants tonight, and may have forgotten his meds again.

On the other note, I agree with Serp that it's probably the best way for a family member to handle that question. There's no way to do that comfortably, but it seems like the least uncomfortable of the options.

*have I mentioned here how unbelievably creepy I find that fact?

[Coidzor]

That seems like a really good way for a parent to broach the subject to me, actually.

Certainly there are worse and actively hostile ones that could've been chosen instead.

It's at least high towards the middle of the road, by my kenning of such things.

I'm worried about ending up all alone, too. Having nearly choked to death a few days ago REALLY has not improved my fear of this...

Well, ending and ending up alone are kinda different anyway. That's a pretty scary experience though, choking.

[Al'izh'dheg]

*snip*I do know that the neural pathways for romantic attachment and heroin share significant amounts of overlap* *snip*

*have I mentioned here how unbelievably creepy I find that fact?

Actually, it isn't as sinister as it may at first seem... the feelings of "falling in love" and the high heroin give you activate the reward paths in the brain. Basically it's your brain saying "Wow, this is awesome! Do it more," as opposed to saying, "Ouch this hurts, stop doing it."

The brain is actually a fascinating organ, with amazing capabilities, and an amazing ability to regenerate/adapt. Unfortunately its potential also has a large potential for being abused, as in the case of drugs that mess with the reward neurotransmitters and pathways.

At least that's how my psychology teacher explained it last semester. :) Don't be creeped out by what nature has given you. It is an amazing thing, and you are an amazing person.

[Al'izh'dheg]

BWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Blerk. Just sorta came out to my mom (about being bi, not being trans). We were out for a walk, and talking about random things, and LGBT stuff came up as a topic, and at one point she just sorta asked. Not specifically, "Are you gay?" but, "Have you ever thought about your sexuality?" (which I thought was a weird way to ask, because dude, who hasn't?). So I explained the whole "don't really think gender matters, I'll end up with who I end up (if, indeed, anyone at all)." Didn't specifically say "I'm bisexual," but yeah.

Went over fine, but my nerves are frazzled, because it was sorta out of the blue.

Awesome! I'm so glad you had a great conversation with you mom.

[Nix Nihila]

Yeah, I don't see a significant other in my future, although I'm certainly open to the possibility. I think I'll just host weekly tea parties instead.

And I'm glad you're okay, Bluewind! That sounds scary..

[Yora]

See, that's the thing -- I don't know that I'd mind ending up alone. It'd be nice to have someone to snuggle with, and who I can count on and who loves me and stuff, and I think I'd like that if I should be so lucky. But I don't know that I need it. I'm going to have people in my life (I plan on adopting kids whether I have a spouse-creature or not!) and a job (that's the plan, anyway...) and kitties. And I'd be okay if that's all I have, though perhaps sometimes lonely, but aren't we all sometimes?

I don't worry too much about being constantly single either. When the opportunity presents itself, I would love to have a long-term relationship, but I am not going to desperately find someone just for the sake of being in a relationship. What's the point of living with someone if you don't really share interests, and I never saw any appeal of a relationship thats founded really only on sex and not much more. Most of my friends in their early 20's have not been in a long-term relationship either, from what I know, many of those 30ishs are also currently single, and with the high divorce rate not being married hasn't been a social stigma among all age groups for years. Among my social group, I really don't stand out as being kind of permanently single.
I have a healthy libido (sorry assexuals, not implying there's something wrong with you), and there have been quite a few women and men I actively tried to get to know better to see if there's a chance for a relationship. So far, the people I've been attracted to didn't share any of my interests, and those with whom I share interest I havn't been attracted to. (There's one woman who's an exception, but just know that got to know her better and discovered we really have a lot in common, after over three years, I'm about to start my Master at a completely different city. Damn you, fate! ^^)
So yeah, I might just run into the right one next week and I don't think I'd be at any disadvantage compared to any of my friends who just came out of his third two-year relationship.

My family has been thankfully considerate. When I came out as bisexual to my father two years ago, he mentioned that they once had wondered if was gay, but neither them nor my grandparents have ever been nagging that I would need to marry and have children. My aunt, who's 8 years older than me, had asked a few times if I had a girlfriend yet, when I was 20 or so, but that had also stopped after a while.

[Blisstake]

I suppose I feel the same way, in the sense that I've never really actively sought out a relationship. A bunch of people felt sorry for when I'd been single for the first 19 years of my life, but honestly, I felt sorry for many of the people whose happiness depended on having a romantic relationship... even if they're two people who are really bad for eachother. None of my friends/family have ever had success specifically looking to start relationships rather than them happening organically (can't think of a better word X_X), so that would account for my somewhat detatched romantic feelings.

Now that I have a boyfriend, my thoughts on the matter haven't really changed. If anything were to happen (which doesn't seem very probable - but you never know), I think I'd be fine on my own again. Can't say for sure, though.

(It's also possible my low sex drive contributes to these feelings)

[Al'izh'dheg]

I fall emotionally out of control when I'm not romantically involved. I know this is unhealthy, but fortunately I have a wife who (in most cases) is very good to and for me. :) I don't know what I would do without her. In contrast to Blisstake, I ahve a freakishly active sex drive, so maybe there is a correlation there.

[Qaera]

Maybe we should rename this thread Queer Woes and Advice.

~ ♅

[CrimsonAngel]

Maybe we should rename this thread Queer Woes and Advice.

~ ♅

But then you run the risk of me dumping my feelings onto you!

Ah who am I kidding, I do that on Facebook all the time.

[Dogmantra]

Let's Getover Bloody Title Arguments itp?

[Heliomance]

Personally, I liked the suggestion of The Rainbow Thread. But I don't see that there's anything wrong with the current title.

[Qaera]

Oh, I didn't mean to start up this discussion again, it was just a joke from Relationship/Personal Woes and Advice.

~ ♅

[golentan]

Oh, I didn't mean to start up this discussion again, it was just a joke from Relationship/Personal Woes and Advice.

~ ♅

Names are SRS BSNS here. As are a few other things.

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It hasn't yet degenerated into flamewar territory. But it's occasionally edged close. The thread name thing, not the other.

[turkishproverb]

Well, things seem cheery in here. Hmm...

[Little Brother]

I don't know if this is the right or wrong place to bring this up, but I wanted to see if I could get some people's experience here. I'm spoilering in it in case this is the wrong place, and if it is, I apologize.

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I have a really good friend, and we've been friends for over 10 years. We often give each other a hard time, it's just what we do. So, for a while, he's been bugging me to go out with a certain nice girl from school. It's gotten a bit irritating, and so I kinda made it worse when I got tired of him pestering me, and just snapped and said I would. The issue is that I'm kinda not out to anyone I know IRL, and am just not really interested in most women, am busy, and don't want to waste time in faking a relationship, which I figure would probably damage to my friendship with said girl, when I am drowning in schoolwork. It's kinda dumb, but I have no idea what to do. The only thing I can think of is coming out, but even if I had the guts to do it, it would add complication to a time when I'm already going to be dealing with a lot, and I don't feel ready to. If anyone has any ideas, or would point me to the right place if this isn't, it would be much appreciated.

[Coidzor]

Figuring out why he's so keen on getting you to go out with this girl might be one place to start.

Another would be figuring out why he's so insistent in the face of you not being interested in her. Though if he doesn't know this, then that would be yet another thing to look into the why thereof.

There's a Relationship Woes and Advice thread too, but there's always a bit of bleedover anyway.

[Castaras]

I don't know if this is the right or wrong place to bring this up, but I wanted to see if I could get some people's experience here. I'm spoilering in it in case this is the wrong place, and if it is, I apologize.

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I have a really good friend, and we've been friends for over 10 years. We often give each other a hard time, it's just what we do. So, for a while, he's been bugging me to go out with a certain nice girl from school. It's gotten a bit irritating, and so I kinda made it worse when I got tired of him pestering me, and just snapped and said I would. The issue is that I'm kinda not out to anyone I know IRL, and am just not really interested in most women, am busy, and don't want to waste time in faking a relationship, which I figure would probably damage to my friendship with said girl, when I am drowning in schoolwork. It's kinda dumb, but I have no idea what to do. The only thing I can think of is coming out, but even if I had the guts to do it, it would add complication to a time when I'm already going to be dealing with a lot, and I don't feel ready to. If anyone has any ideas, or would point me to the right place if this isn't, it would be much appreciated.

Just say no, and if needbe snap at him to tell him to stop bothering you about it. It's what I've done before when I've had the same sort of situation (although for me it was just not wanting a relationship and not liking the person).

[Mono Vertigo]

Seconded. You don't need to justify yourself for refusing to consider a relationship with someone. I have had that sort of problem before, and I think the best is just saying "It's my feelings and my life, and I think I know better than anyone else about them; I don't feel like going with that girl and I'm not going to, because I have no feeling for her, period". Explain you snapped and said yes just so he would stop, but you weren't serious.
If he really is your friend, he should understand and stop bothering you.