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    Default Socratov's brainfarts collection - Now with haikus!

    Damn it feels good to be a warlock.
    A real blasta-ass warlock keeps blastin',
    a real blasta-ass warlock never has no spells.
    'Cause a real blasta-ass warlock just invokes.

    And all I gotta blast you with are
    Hellrime, Brimstone and vitriolic blasts.
    'Cause when the Hellfire comes around, what you gonna do?
    Damn it feels good to be a warlock
    Last edited by Socratov; 2012-06-13 at 08:07 AM.
    Warlock Poetry?
    Or collected praise and quotes
    Better grab a drink...

    “Hell hath no fury...” - Avatar by the Outstanding Oneris

    First Ordained Jr. Tormlet by LoyalPaladin

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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    Collection of quotes:

    Praise:
    Quote Originally Posted by Immabozo View Post
    You are a very evil genius
    Quote Originally Posted by Immabozo View Post
    This is glorious. My friend, you have a talent for the written... errr, typed.... word.
    Also, I'm and Elder Evil now!

    Spoiler: Cotvasro
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Zaydos View Post
    Cotvasro, the Cheery God


    Cotvasro is a minor god of happiness and festivity, a deity to whose followers every day is a celebration and feast day. Worshiped primarily by Bacchanalian priests and Intoxicanters, and hated by Abstainers, Cotvasro encourages his worshipers to enjoy life whatever it throws at them, indulging in the best of the things it provides. (Kno Religion DC 15) Cotvasro presents themselves as a kindly, cheerful god, who wishes simply to see war and strife put aside and for the world to be filled with joy and the sounds of celebration. Those who look closely at his dogmas and doctrines, however, note that they seem designed to lead instead to hedonism and debauchery, and over-indulgence. (Kno Religion DC 22) The mad dwarven intoxicanter Axtul Thorazdred however penned of Cotvasro when in the throes of wine pressed from the veritas grape, writing grave secrets in his prophetic binge. Here Axtul wrote of many beings of dread portents: Atropus, the undead remnant of the creator of the gods; Ragnorra, a horror from the Far Realm which flies like a comet through the plane of life; Red Fel, the first corrupter and undead fiend to whom the world is a phylactery; the Paladin Most Loyal, who seeks to force good destructively upon all; Vael, the first warlock who made a pact with the Abyss itself; the Bladed Lord, clone brother of Garagos who sees war as all; Darinarxul, the tree of night which lives between the Primes; Leliel, the tenshi whose seed has been sown upon the world; the Dread Mythmaker known also as the Story-Wyrm; and last Cotvasro, whom he calls the Bubbling Corrupter. Axtul tells that Cotvasro is not in truth a god, but a far older being. This entity was deep in slumber when the first gods arose and by their will shaped Law and Chaos into the Great Wheel, it did not wake till the Prime Material grew across its form. By the time Cotvasro awoke, the once formless entity was trapped within the earth and within a form of its own. Cotvasro now existed as a sapient fluid, shifting and bubbling, and corporeal. Cotvasro sought to escape its imprisonment, reaching out with what powers it had at its disposal it influenced the least forms of life, guiding them, instructing them, changing them. With its malign will Cotvasro gave rise to fermentation. Then it waited, waited for sapient minds to develop. It touched their minds through drinks laced with the result of its earlier works, drawing them together in celebratory indulgence, extending its will into them while their minds were clouded. With each mind bent towards drink Cotvasro grows closer to being freed. Axtul does not say what will happen should Cotvasro obtain freedom, but he warns of it in the same line as he warns of those other names already listed, whose touch would each destroy the world. (Kno Religion DC 40)

    Goals


    Cotvasro's goal is the complete and total intoxication of all sapient life. Ultimately it desires this to escape from the limitations of form, returning to its formless slumber. To do so, though, it must lead all sapient life into a drunken stupor and connect them together in its will, slowly but certainly subverting their very being and leaving them hollow and empty to fuel its ascent back into formlessness.

    Sign


    A World Drunk

    Faint: Creatures which have drunk 36 mL of ethanol (120 mL of 40% alcohol by volume drinks or ~3 shots depending upon country and liquor) gain a +2 profane bonus to Bluff, Diplomacy, Gather Information, Intimidate, and other Charisma based checks made to interact with other creatures, as Cotvasro guides them through their intoxication with its knowledge of social graces obtained through observing civilization since its birth.

    Moderate: All creatures are constantly buzzed and happily tipsy, gaining a +4 bonus to saves versus fear.

    Strong: The happy buzz finally turns dark, becoming a broody, angry drunkenness. Whenever a creature takes damage it must make a Will save (DC 20) or enter a frenzy (as a frenzied berserker).

    Overwhelming: The mental intoxication begins to wear at the minds of all those native to the Prime. Any sapient (Int 3+) creature born on the afflicted world suffers 1 point of Wisdom drain every 24 hours, even if normally immune.

    Malefic Property:


    Dissolution of Form

    Cotvasro's attempts to escape its form has led it to permeate the area around it with form dissolving acid.

    Effect: Creatures within the area of this malefic property take 3d6 acid damage each round which ignores all acid resistance, but not immunity. In addition all other acid damage dealt within this area ignores acid resistance and immunity other than Cotvasro's, and any creature which lacks immunity to acid gains vulnerability to it.

    Traits/Tactics/Etc


    Cotvasro takes the form of a massive, living pool of acidic ethanol, though its worshiper view it as a god who takes the form of a fair and beautiful, young, man of (typically) their race. It dwells somewhere deep within the Underdark, only accessible through magic or a single passage known only to its clergy. Cotvasro's overall strategy involves having his followers perform a series of rituals at various locations across the plane to 'issue in a golden age' in truth acting to free its spirit somewhat from its body allowing it to affect the minds of sapient creatures directly without the need for alcohol (it's sign). Eventually its followers will get disillusioned (probably at Moderate sign) but by then the rituals are no longer needed. This leaves two methods to stop Cotvasro's growing influence. The first is to find a set of counter rituals to reseal it into its body more fully (Axtul Thorazdred details one such ritual in his Krasinomicon). The other is to 'kill' its body directly. While Cotvasro is impossible to truly kill, sufficient injury inflicted to its physical form will force it into quiescence for several millennia, but it will eventually reform and try again.


    You can now also play me as a Prestige Class

    Spoiler: Junior Tormlet
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by LoyalPaladin View Post
    I hope someone saw this coming. Eat your heart out, Abjurant Champion.

    Junior Tormlet
    Hit Die
    d8

    Requirements
    Deity: Torm
    Feats: Any Exalted
    Special: Must be taken as an apprentice by a Paladin of Torm.

    Class Skills
    The Junior Tormlet’s class skills (and the key ability for each skill) are Concentration (Con), Craft (Int), Diplomacy (Cha), Handle Animal (Cha), Heal (Wis), Knowledge (Arcana), Knowledge (nobility and royalty) (Int), Knowledge (religion) (Int), Profession (Wis), Ride (Dex), Sense Motive (Wis), and Spellcraft (Int).

    Skill Points at Each Additional Level
    2 + Int modifier.

    Level Base Attack Bonus Fort Save Ref Save Will Save Class Features Spellcasting
    1st +1 +2 +0 +0 Duty of Three, Divine Grace +1 level of existing spellcasting class
    2nd +2 +3 +0 +0 Chosen Smite 1/day +1 level of existing spellcasting class
    3rd +3 +3 +1 +1 Journey of Absolution +1 level of existing spellcasting class
    4th +4 +4 +1 +1 Chosen Smite 2/day -
    5th +5 +4 +1 +1 Purge Evil, Aura of Courage +1 level of existing spellcasting class
    6th +6 +5 +2 +2 Chosen Smite 3/day +1 level of existing spellcasting class
    7th +7 +5 +2 +2 Lay on Hands +1 level of existing spellcasting class
    8th +8 +6 +2 +2 Chosen Smite 4/day -
    9th +9 +6 +3 +3 Final Absolution +1 level of existing spellcasting class
    10th +10 +7 +3 +3 Tempered Resolve, Chosen Smite 5/day +1 level of existing spellcasting class

    Class Features
    All the following are Class Features of the Junior Tormlet prestige class.

    Weapon and Armor Proficiency
    Junior Tormlets are proficient with all types of armor and the greatsword.

    Duty of Three
    A Junior Tormlet is now responsible for fulfilling the Penance of Duty, Debt of Dereliction, and Debt of Destruction.

    Divine Grace (Su)
    A Junior Tormlet gains a bonus equal to their Charisma bonus (if any) on all saving throws.

    Chosen Smite
    A Junior Tormlet chooses one of two tools to aid them against evil. You may select to gain the benefit of the Smiting Spell feat or a Paladin's Smite Evil class feature.

    You gain one use of this per day every even class level.

    Journey of Absolution
    You have begun your journey towards the path of righteousness. If your paladin mentor deems you worthy, he may bring you into a temple of Torm to have atonement cast on you. This will bring your alignment one step closer to Lawful Good.

    If this would cause to become unqualified for a feat or class, ignore the alignment requirement for that feat or class.

    Purge Evil
    You gain the benefits of Favored Enemy against any creature that worships Bane as their patron deity.

    Aura of Courage (Su)
    A Junior Tormlet is immune to fear (magical or otherwise). Each ally within 10 feet of her gains a +4 morale bonus on saving throws against fear effects.

    This ability functions while the Junior Tormlet is conscious, but not if they are unconscious or dead.

    Lay on Hands (Su)
    A Junior Tormlet with a Charisma score of 12 or higher can heal wounds (their own or those of others) by touch. Each day they can heal a total number of hit points of damage equal to their spellcaster level × their Charisma bonus. A Junior Tormlet may choose to divide their healing among multiple recipients, and they don't have to use it all at once. Using lay on hands is a standard action.

    Alternatively, a Junior Tormlet can use any or all of this healing power to deal damage to undead creatures. Using lay on hands in this way requires a successful melee touch attack and doesn’t provoke an attack of opportunity. The Junior Tormlet decides how many of her daily allotment of points to use as damage after successfully touching an undead creature.

    Final Absolution
    You have completed your journey towards righteousness. If your paladin mentor deems you worthy, he may bring you into a temple of Torm to have atonement cast on you. This will change your alignment to Lawful Good.

    If this would cause to become unqualified for a feat or class, ignore the alignment requirement for that feat or class.

    Tempered Resolve (Su)
    A Junior Tormlet is constantly surrounded by a magic circle against evil effect, as the spell cast by a cleric of the Tormlet's character level.


    Spoiler: Soul Brewer
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Zaydos View Post
    And a rather late now, but I'd already started it (darn potion feats eluding me) and by Asmodeus and the flooding Styx I was going to finish it.

    Soul Brewer

    Demons, fey, dragons, beings from beyond the realms of sanity, and the elements themselves are all sources of extreme power which have been tapped time and time again by mortals. They are not the only sources, however. A Soul Brewer taps another source, one that many may condemnn yet they would exalt. The great social lubricant which can be traced back to when the first people changed from hunter gatherers to sedentary settlements, the very foundations of civilization. Condemned as a root of evil, but drunk in the halls of the gods on Ysgard, Arborea, and even within the hallowed realms of the Archons on Mount Celestia and the stodgy realms of Arcadia. Soul Brewers draw great power from the very essence of wine, beer, ale, or as many of them may call it the social lubricant. They brew it, they make it, and they invoke its power.

    BECOMING A SOUL BREWER

    A Soul Brewer is formed not by intent necessarily, but by a connection to the fruit of the vine. All Soul Brewers share one thing in common, at some point they have an awakening to its power and nature. For many this comes while blacked out from drinking too much, a haunting and powerful dream in which their soul itself seems to be stirred and made to surge.

    ENTRY REQUIREMENTS
    Feats: Delay Potion
    Skills: Craft (brewing) 8 ranks, Profession (Sommelier) 4 ranks.
    Special: Must have the Blood of Wine ability or have gotten so drunk they blacked out.

    Class Skills
    The following skills are class skills for the Soul Brewer and their key ability scores: Bluff (Cha), Concentration (Con), Craft (Int), Diplomacy (Cha), Gather Information (Cha), Intimidate (Cha), Knowledge (arcana) (Int), Knowledge (religion) (Int), Knowledge (the Planes) (Int), Profession (Wis), Sense Motive (Wis), Spellcraft (Int), and Use Magic Device (Cha).
    Skills Points at Each Level: 4 + int

    Hit Dice: d8

    Level Base Attack Bonus Fort Save Ref Save Will Save Special Invocations
    1st
    +0
    +2
    +0
    +2
    Brew Potion, Invocations (Least and Lesser), Intoxicating Blast 1d6 1
    2nd
    +1
    +3
    +0
    +3
    Quick Quaff 1
    3rd
    +2
    +3
    +1
    +3
    Intoxicating Blast 2d6, Alcohol Immunity 2
    4th
    +3
    +4
    +1
    +4
    Intensify Potion 2
    5th
    +3
    +4
    +1
    +4
    Intoxicating Blast 3d6, Connoisseur of Souls 3
    6th
    +4
    +5
    +2
    +5
    Greater Invocations 4
    7th
    +5
    +5
    +2
    +5
    Intoxicating Blast 4d6, Poison Immunity 4
    8th
    +6
    +6
    +2
    +6
    Empower Potion 5
    9th
    +6
    +6
    +3
    +6
    Intoxicating Blast 5d6, Smell the Aroma 5
    10th
    +7
    +7
    +3
    +7
    Black-Out Blast 6

    Weapon and Armor Proficiencies: A Soul Brewer gains no new weapon or armor proficiencies.

    Invocations: A Soul Brewer is able to use invocations in a way similar to a Warlock (somatic component, no Arcane Spell Failure in light armor, etc). They may add their Caster Level in any base class to their Soul Brewer level to determine their caster level with Soul Brewer invocations (up to a maximum of their character level) and may add their Soul Brewer levels to their level in any invocation using base class to determine the highest grade of invocations they may access in that class. A Soul Brewer gains access to their own list of invocations, and gain the ability to select invocations from this list with any base class that grants invocations and may add this list to the invocations they may select with that class.

    A Soul Brewer gains a new invocation at 1st, 3rd, 5th, 6th, 8th, and 10th level and they may select Least or Lesser Invocations until 6th level when they gain access to Greater Invocations.

    Brew Potion: A soul brewer’s mastery of brews extend beyond mere alcohol and alchemy, stretching as far as magical potions. An intoxicanter gains Brew Potion as a bonus feat, and may emulate spells from the Cleric, Druid, and Wizard spell lists as if they were a member of the appropriate class of their character level for the purpose of creating potions. They may treat their caster level for doing so as up to their character level (and must treat it as at least the level required for a cleric, druid, or wizard to cast the spell).

    Intoxicating Blast (Sp): A Soul Brewer gains the ability to focus their magical energies into a blast of almost liquid spiritual force. This functions as a 1st level spell-like ability and invocation, or the level of the highest blast shape or eldritch essence applied to it, and manifests as a 60-ft ray which deals 1d6 damage + 1d6 per 2 Soul Brewer levels beyond 1st, and allows spell resistance. Any creature struck by this blast must make a Fortitude save (DC 10 + Spell level + Soul Brewer's Charisma modifier) or be Intoxicated (see below) for 1 round. A Soul Brewer may add the damage of their Eldritch Blast, Elemental Blast, Dragonfire Adept Breath Weapon, or Intoxicanter's Dehydrating Touch to the damage of their Intoxicating Blast. They may apply Eldritch Essences and Blast Shapes to an Intoxicating Blast as if it were an Eldritch Blast, and may apply a Drunken Touch or Intoxicating Touch effect to it as if the effect were an Eldritch Essence; if they do so the Intoxicating Blast becomes SR: No.

    Spoiler: Intoxicated
    Show
    An intoxicated character takes a -2 penalty on all attack rolls, weapon damage rolls, saving throws, skill checks, and ability checks. Any saving throw bonus against poison applies to effects which intoxicate a creature, as does poison immunity, and dwarves receive an additional +2 on saves against intoxication (this stacks with their racial bonus on saves versus poison).


    Quick Quaff (Ex): A Soul Brewer is an expert on gulping down shots, and their definition of shots sometimes includes fifths. Beginning at 2nd level a soul brewer can drink a held potion as a swift action.

    Alcohol Immunity (Ex): While a Soul Brewer can enjoy the buzz of the social lubricant as much as any, they find themselves spared of its worst after effects. Beginning at 3rd level a Soul Brewer is immune to the intoxicated status and all negative effects of alcohol.

    Intensify Potion (Su): A Soul Brewer always gets the most out of a potion. Beginning at 4th level whenever a Soul Brewer drinks a potion they may choose to either double its duration, or double any numerical effects it may have but reduce its duration to 1 round per caster level if it was longer and to 1/2 otherwise (this reduction has no effect on instantaneous potions such as potions of Cure Light Wound though they retain the beneficial aspect). This only applies to potions they drink and has no effect on oils they apply or potions they force feed others.

    Connoisseur of Souls (Su): A Soul Brewer can tell a fine wine from a common one with but a small taste of it rolled on the tongue, and souls are not too different. Beginning at 5th level a Soul Brewer can determine various information about a creature with a kiss or in theory a lick, or any other act which allows the Soul Brewer to taste them (Such as a bite attack). Doing so requires a standard action on the Soul Brewer's part and a melee touch attack unless the creature is willing, though it may also be done as part of a successful bite attack. The soul brewer learns the target's alignment, hit dice, caster level (highest if they have multiple for different effects), and creature type and subtypes.

    Poison Immunity (Ex): A Soul Brewer's resistance to the harmful side effects of alcohols extends beyond just alcohols to defend against many metabolic difficulties. Beginning at 7th level a Soul Brewer is immune to poisons of all kinds.

    Empower Potion (Su): To a Soul Brewer it is an easy act to charge a potion with magical power. Beginning at 8th level a Soul Brewer may, 3 times per day, touch a potion and as a standard action imbue it with power. This power increases the caster level of the touched potion by up to the Soul Brewer's class level, but cannot raise the potion's caster level to higher than the Soul Brewer's ECL. The effects of this ability on a potion last for 8 hours after which time the potion returns to its normal level of power.

    Smell the Aroma (Ex): While a neophyte may identify a wine's vintage from its taste, a true connoisseur can tell it simply by its scent. At 9th level a Soul Brewer gains the Scent special quality and may, as a standard action, use their Connoisseur of Souls ability on any creature they can smell without physically tasting them.

    Black-Out Blast (Sp): The power of a Soul Brewer's spiritual ale is great and heady, able to fell even stalwart dwarves with a single blast. At 10th level a Soul Brewer gains a special Eldritch Essence which they may only use 3 times per day. This eldritch essence is considered the equivalent of an 8th level Transmutation spell and causes a creature struck by the augmented intoxicating blast to be forced to make a Fortitude save or be rendered unconscious for 1d3+1 rounds. Any bonuses to saves against Intoxication or immunity to intoxication/poison applies against the effects of this eldritch essence.

    Soul Brewer Invocations

    Spoiler: Least Invocations
    Show

    • Acidic Blast (Eldritch Essence)
    • Befoul Water
    • Beguiling Influence (CA)
    • Cocoon of Refuse (City)
    • Eldritch Glaive (DM)
    • Eldritch Spear (Blast Shape, CA)
    • Jann's Tongue
    • Magic Insight (DM)
    • Miasmic Cloud (CA)
    • Serpent's Tongue (CM)
    • Sickening Blast (Eldritch Essence, CA)
    • Swimming the Styx (CM)


    Spoiler: New Invocations
    Show
    Acidic Blast: 2nd Level
    Your Intoxicating Blast deals acid damage and any creature damaged by this blast has their Armor and Natural Armor bonuses to AC both reduced by 2 for 1 round.

    Befoul Water:
    Effective Level: 2nd level
    School: Necromancy [Evil]
    Casting Time: Standard action.
    Range: Touch.
    Target: 1 cubic foot of water/caster level.
    Duration: Instantaneous.
    Saving Throw: Fort negates (see below).
    Spell Resistance: No.
    Your touch spreads a plague through the water making it harbor a secret weapon which can kill those which drink from it.
    You infect the water targeted with a disease as if through the Contagion spell. Any creature drinking infected water must make a Fortitude save using the DC for this spell instead of the disease's normal disease, or contract the disease. The infection within the water can be removed with Purify Food or Drink or similar effects.

    Jann’s Tongue: 2nd Level
    You call upon the golden tongues of the jann who, composed of all four elements, are natives to all the Inner Planes and therefore often the diplomats across them. You gain the benefits of a Tongues spell, in addition you gain a +4 insight bonus to Diplomacy and Gather Information checks for 24 hours.


    Spoiler: Lesser Invocations
    Show

    • Anchoring Blast (Eldritch Essence)
    • Beshadowed Blast (Eldritch Essence, CA)
    • Charm (CA)
    • Cold Comfort (CM)
    • Curse of Despair (CA)
    • Deluge Blast (Eldritch Essence)
    • Desiccating Blast (Eldritch Essence)
    • Dread Seizure (DM)
    • Eldritch Chain (Blast Shape, CA)
    • Eldritch Spray (Blast Shape)
    • Enthralling Voice (DM)
    • Flee the Scene (CA)
    • Frightful Presence (DM)
    • Humanoid Shape (DM)
    • Ignore the Pyre (DM)
    • Invocation of Night's Curse
    • Mask of Flesh (CM)
    • Naiad's Gift
    • Relentless Dispelling (CM)
    • Voracious Dispelling (CA)
    • Walk Unseen (CA)
    • Water is Formless


    Spoiler: New Invocations
    Show
    Anchoring Blast: 4th Level
    Any creature struck by your Intoxicating Blast is affected as if by a Dimensional Anchor spell for 1 round, a successful Will save at -4 negates this effect.

    Deluge Blast: 4th Level
    Your Intoxicating Blast includes a torrential force of water. Any creature struck must make a Reflex save or be knocked prone.

    Desiccating Blast: 4th Level
    Your Intoxicating Blast deals desiccation damage (see Sandstorm page 15), and all dice are increased to d8s against plants and elemental creatures of the water subtype. Any creature damaged by this blast must make a Fort save or be exhausted for 1 round.

    Eldritch Spray: 4th Level
    Your elemental blast fans out from your hands. This creates a line 15-ft wide and 10-ft long, continuing an additional 5-ft at 5-ft width. Any creature in the area may make a Reflex save for half damage.

    Invocation of Night's Curse
    Effective Level: 4th.
    School: Necromancy.
    Casting Time: Standard action.
    Range: Medium.
    Target: 1 living creature.
    Duration: Permanent (D).
    Saving Throw: Fortitude negates.
    Spell Resistance: Yes.
    With a gesture you bring the target into a world of eternal night.
    The target becomes blind. This effect resists simple attempts to dispel it, and cannot be removed with the dispel magic spell. A Remove Blindness/Deafness spell can remove this effect but only if cast by a higher level caster who makes a successful caster level check (DC 16 + your caster level). It can also be removed with Remove Curse, Break Enchantment, or Greater Dispel Magic or other similar effects at least as powerful as Greater Dispel Magic but even these powerful magics require a successful caster level check (DC 16 + your caster level). A single caster may only attempt each spell once. A Mage's Disjunction, Miracle, or Wish effect can automatically remove this effect no additional roll necessary.

    Naiad’s Gift: 3rd Level
    Touched creature gains a Swim speed equal to their land speed and the ability to breathe water for 10 minutes/caster level.

    Water is Formless: 4th Level
    Your body becomes ooze-like in consistency. You gain Moderate Fortification (as the armor quality; prevents bonus damage from 50% of critical hits and sneak attack) and may compress your body to fit through gaps and cracks of at least 1/3 an inch in width, this also means you no longer suffer penalties for fighting while squeezing. In addition you may reshape your features (and to an extent body shape) as a standard action at-will, granting you a +10 circumstance bonus to disguise checks. The benefits of this effect last 24 hours.


    Spoiler: Greater Invocation
    Show
    • Armor of Life
    • Baleful Geas (DM)
    • Bewitching Blast (Eldritch Essence, CA)
    • Caustic Mire (CM)
    • Devil's Whispers (City)
    • Devour Magic (CA)
    • Eldritch Burst (Blast Shape)
    • Eldritch Cone (Blast Shape, CA)
    • Eldritch Line (Blast Shape, DM)
    • Exhalation of Expanding Destruction
    • Hindering Blast (Eldritch Essence, CM)
    • Invigorating Blast (Eldritch Essence)
    • Nightmares Made Real (CM)
    • Noxious Blast (Eldritch Essence, CA)
    • Oozy Bulwark
    • Painful Slumber of Ages (CM)
    • Penetrating Blast (Eldritch Essence, DM)
    • Vitriolic Blast (Eldritch Essence, CA)
    • Water Step


    Spoiler: New Invocations
    Show
    Armor of Life: 5th Level
    You gain the benefits of a Death Ward effect. Allies within 20-ft of you gain a +4 bonus on saves against any effect it provides immunity towards.

    Eldritch Burst: 5th Level
    Your intoxicating blast becomes a 10-ft radius burst centered within 100-ft of you.

    Exhalation of Expanding Destruction
    Effective Level: 6th.
    School: Conjuration (Creation) [Acid].
    Casting Time: Standard action.
    Range: Medium.
    Effect: Cloud spreads in a 20-ft radius, 20-ft high.
    Duration: 1 minute/level.
    Saving Throw: Fortitude partial (see text).
    Spell Resistance: Yes.
    You whistle between your teeth exhaling a colored cloud which settles within range, melting away and killing creatures within it.
    This invocation functions as cloudkill except that it automatically slays creatures with 4 or less hit dice, creatures with 5 or 6 HD are slain on a failed Fortitude save (taking 1d4 Constitution damage on a successful save), and living creatures with 7 or more hit dice take 1d4 Constitution damage on a failed save and half that on a success. In addition any creature in the fog, living or not, takes 1d6 acid damage per two caster levels whether they succeed even if they are immune to poison; if they succeeded on the Fortitude save this damage is halved.

    Invigorating Blast: 5th level
    Your intoxicating blast is infused with positive energy. Any creature healed by positive energy is healed by this blast, and any healing that would put them over their maximum hp is gained as temporary hit points, and they gain a +1 morale bonus to attack rolls and all saving throws. The temporary hit points provided by this ability stack with themselves and any creature whose temporary hit points from this ability are greater than their maximum hp explodes in a burst of pure light. The temporary hp and morale bonus from this ability both only last 1 minute. Creatures harmed by positive energy instead take full damage and suffer a -1 penalty to attack rolls and saving throws for 1 minute. No creature may be healed, gain temporary hit points, or gain morale bonuses from this blast used by a single soul brewer more than 3 times per day.

    Oozing Bulwark: 5th Level
    As Wall of Water (SpC) except that any creature beginning its turn inside the wall or passing through the wall takes 2d6 + ½ Caster level (max 2d6 + 10) acid damage.

    Water Step: 6th
    You may teleport, as Greater Teleport from any body of water that you are in contact with and which you could fully submerge yourself within to any other body of water that you could be fully submerged within and is within 100 miles per caster level.


    Prestige classes not your thing? How about play a bard like a Junior Tormlet:

    Spoiler: Jr. Paladin Badic ACF
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Zaydos View Post
    That reminds me...

    Jr. Paladin (Bard Archetype)

    Level: 2nd, 6th, 7th, 10th, 16th, 18th.

    Effect:

    2nd Level: You gain 1 less 1st level spell known (permanently), but gain Protection from Evil and Detect Evil as bonus 1st level bard spells known (and added to your bard spell list).

    6th level: You do not gain Suggestion as a bardic music ability, you instead gain Blessed by Torm.

    Blessed by Torm (Su): You may add 1/2 your Charisma modifier to saving throws, this does not stack with Divine Grace or the bonus provided by Song of Grace.

    7th Level: You gain 1 less 3rd level spell known (permanently), but gain Magic Circle against Evil and Remove Disease as bonus 3rd level spells known (and added to your bard spell list).

    10th Level: You gain 1 less 4th level spell known (permanently), but gain Dispel Evil and Holy Smite as bonus 4th level spells known (and added to your bard spell list).

    16th Level: You gain 1 less 6th level spell known (permanently), but gain Holy Aura and Holy Sword as bonus 6th level spells known (and added to your bard spell list).

    18th Level: You do not gain Mass Suggestion instead gaining Song of Grace as a bardic music ability.

    Song of Grace (Su): By playing this song a bard with 21 or more ranks may bestow a divine blessing upon their allies. Allies within 60-ft gain a bonus to saving throws equal to the bard's Charisma modifier for as long as the bard continues to play this song and 5 rounds thereafter.


    Finally there is a decent way of trading away your Fiendish Resilience (worthless anyway) for something cool and acutally useful! Courtesy of Zaydos

    Spoiler: Eldritch Brewmaster
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Zaydos View Post
    Eldritch Brewmaster (Warlock Archetype):

    Levels: 8, 13, and 18.

    Replaces: Fiendish Resilience 1, 2, and 5.

    Effects:

    Medicinal Alcohols (Ex): By spending an hour distilling alcohols (this requires an alchemist’s lab or similar tools; and raw materials of negligible cost) an eldritch brewmaster can create up to 1 dose of medicinal alcohol per three warlock levels. Each dose heals 2d6 damage per three warlock levels to a creature drinking it, or heals 1 point of damage to each ability score +1 per 6 warlock levels (chosen when the dose is created); drinking a dose of medicinal alcohol is considered the same kind of action as drinking potion, or it may be used as part of a Drunken Master’s Drink Like a Demon ability (in which case they gain the healing effect in addition to the effects of that ability).

    Liquid Courage (Ex): An eldritch brewmaster learns to distill more and more forms of extraordinary alcohol. Beginning at 13th level they may, as part of the same 1 hour distilling process as creating their medicinal alcohol (or a 1 hour distilling process of its own) distill 1 dose of Liquid Courage per four class levels. A creature which drinks a dose of liquid courage gains immunity to fear for 1 minute per 4 warlock levels you possess, and any fear effect currently affecting them is immediately ended. Like Medicinal Alcohols, Liquid Courage loses its potency 24 hours after its creation. Drinking a dose of Liquid Courage is considered the same kind of action as drinking potion, or it may be used as part of a Drunken Master’s Drink like a Demon ability (in which case they gain the fear immunity/ending effect in addition to the effects of that ability).

    Distill Vitality (Ex):
    Beginning at 18th an eldritch brewmaster adds another special brew to their repartee, one that increases the vitality and vigor of the drinker. An eldritch brewmaster can make this drink, up to 1 dose per four class levels each day, as part of making their medicinal alcohol and/or liquid courage, or as a 1 hour action of its own. Each dose of distilled vitality grants the drinker +2 to Strength and Constitution for 1 minute, but deals 2 points of damage to each mental ability score which cannot be healed until the beneficial effects of the distilled vitality end; a creature immune to ability damage suffers a stacking penalty to their mental ability scores (which may reduce their score to 0) for the duration of the benefits, a creature immune to ability damage and penalties must either waive the immunity to ability score penalties or gain neither benefits nor disadvantages from Distilled Vitality. Each additional dose of distilled vitality stacks with previous doses and resets the duration. Drinking a dose of Distilled Vitality is the same action as drinking a potion, or it may be used as part of a Drunken Master’s Drink like a Demon ability (in which case they gain the effects stack with each other).


    Or, if you want visit my plane, and meet me where my power is greatest I will get you a drink:

    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Zaydos View Post
    The Endless Tavern (Socratov if you couldn't tell)

    Somewhere within the astral exists the Endless Tavern, one half inn and one half demiplane. As a demiplane there is no exterior to the Font of Poetry, instead it exists as a massive series of twisting corridors, bed rooms, staircases, wine cellars, kitchens, and common rooms. The sounds of festivities can be heard throughout its halls, yet the majority of the patrons seem strangely bland and dull of eye. As you wander the Endless Tavern one can find myriad architectural styles and designs.

    Inhabitants


    The majority of inhabitants of the Endless Tavern are the Revelers, a race of outsider native to the Tavern which take the form of humanoid patrons. They have little purpose save merriment and experiencing the tavern. Other inhabitants are the Brewers, strange bee-like humanoids which live in the cellars of the tavern and produce its wines and ales. The third native species are the Tenders, shapeshifting outsiders who serve the role of barkeep and innkeeper for the Tavern's various main rooms and who use their magic to maintain the order of the place. The Revelers are controlled by the will of the Brewers and the Tenders, and it is said the inhabitants of the Tavern feed off of revelry devouring piece by piece a visitor's ability to feel the heights of passion.

    In addition to the natives some adventurers have taken to living in the Tavern, or in killing a Tender and stealing his bar and running it.

    Role in the Wheel:


    The Endless Tavern is said to open onto every single Prime Material world which has developed to the point of having taverns, as well as all major planar cities. Adventurers have even claimed to have used the Tavern to bridge cosmologies, moving between Eberron and Greyhawk this way, some even claim to have used it to escape the Demiplane of Dread. Whatever the truth, the Endless Tavern can be used as a potent bridge between planes. In some places this even results in armed contingents, such as the Dis entrance which is held defensively by the baatezu.

    Planar Traits:


    • Normal Gravity
    • Normal Time
    • Mildly Neutral Aligned
    • Divinely Morphic
    • Impeded Magic: Evocation, Illusion, Enchantment, and any spells with an alignment descriptor. The natives are unaffected by this trait.


    Psyren as a fiendish soul connoiseur:
    Quote Originally Posted by Psyren View Post
    I see Incarnum as being like tofu. Sure you can shape it to look like a steak, and even add steak flavoring, but it's never going to be a steak.
    Quote Originally Posted by Zale View Post
    Ohh a Necromantic hamster would be adorable.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tyrion Lannister
    "I am not questioning your honor, I am simply denieing it's existence..."
    Quote Originally Posted by noparlpf View Post
    Man, this is not my week. Two blue-screens and several freezes for my laptop, and now I've crashed my best kobold.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cogwheel View Post
    Ridiculous (ri·dic·u·lous), adj.: Sort of like being outrageous, but not as good.
    Quote Originally Posted by Asta Kask View Post
    Ditto. In fact, one of the great thing about thermodynamics and the kinetic theory of heat is that boobs are constantly jiggling, if only slightly.
    Last edited by Socratov; 2015-07-23 at 07:21 AM.
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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection - Now with haikus

    Last edited by Socratov; 2013-09-25 at 05:34 PM.
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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    ladies and gentlemen (and anything in between if You consider yourself not in either of thsoe categories),

    I hereby open for you the possibility to request a haiku.

    Impress your gilrfliend?
    or just for the occasion?
    Ask and I will craft!


    To get a haiku,
    tell me what you will demand.
    Information helps.

    No telepathy,
    neither leaving me guessing,
    give it all to me.


    Have you given all?
    Then summon all your patience.
    A haiku is made.
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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    Socratov, you are one strange caballero. But I'd hate to see such a good offer go to waste.

    Since you're offering, I would like a haiku written concerning the situation in my avatar. There's not much information to convey that isn't immediately visible: one's a human rogue with a thing for purple, the other's a gold half-dragon monk with a thing for books; the former believes that he's stealthy and that a half-dragon would make a fine dagger repository, and the latter would like to disillusion him on both accounts. Their names aren't important, and any further details I leave for you to ask about or invent.

    If I like it, I'll proudly post it in my signature.
    There are no impossible encounters. There is only inadequate preparation.

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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    *flexes fingers*

    How grand that you love the art of Haiku as much as I do. Here's a series:

    Daring and daunting
    dagger in hand he doth stabs
    A dragon's back sheath


    Purple versus gold
    Such grand overconfidence!
    Taken by his throat


    Surprising dragons
    Takes more wiles and sharper wits
    Disillusionment


    Predator turned prey
    Dangling helplessly at length
    Dragons always win



    (If you only want one Haiku to show, the bolded one captures most of the scene as I feel it)

    Please feel free to tell me if you like it or not
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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    I like haiku, so I suggest you read this at least before making any more if you do too.

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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    Like it? I love it.

    This is a lovely little series, with a good mix of the serious and the silly. The second stanza does capture the scene very well, but to me the fourth stanza is the very best. Perhaps that's because it works the best when read outside of context, or perhaps it's because it has the best concluding line ever. Seriously, I laughed when I reached that line.

    The third stanza seems weaker to me; I'm not sure how well the one-word final line flows with the rest of it, and "wiles" sounds like a two syllable word in my head. Yeah, I looked it up, it's a one-syllable deal, but it still throws me off a bit. As a whole though, the series paints creates an atmospheric and flowing scene. I'm keeping this. Thanks so much!
    There are no impossible encounters. There is only inadequate preparation.

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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    Quote Originally Posted by flyingchicken View Post
    I like haiku, so I suggest you read this at least before making any more if you do too.
    It's certainly interesting, however modern school english haku enjoys some freedoms which creates more to my creativity. However, I'm planning to learn Japanese at some point, so that would expand my haiku horizons some more
    Quote Originally Posted by Komodo View Post
    Like it? I love it.

    This is a lovely little series, with a good mix of the serious and the silly. The second stanza does capture the scene very well, but to me the fourth stanza is the very best. Perhaps that's because it works the best when read outside of context, or perhaps it's because it has the best concluding line ever. Seriously, I laughed when I reached that line.

    The third stanza seems weaker to me; I'm not sure how well the one-word final line flows with the rest of it, and "wiles" sounds like a two syllable word in my head. Yeah, I looked it up, it's a one-syllable deal, but it still throws me off a bit. As a whole though, the series paints creates an atmospheric and flowing scene. I'm keeping this. Thanks so much!
    glad you love it! Yeah, I had much fun with the last line as well (got it fairly early in the process). On the one word line, it helps to pretend to be a wise old man of the asian persuasion and then reading it out loud. Then it all makes sense

    Feel free to use it and reference my name
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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    If that one article doesn't convince you to change your ways, try these other ones: Why "No 5-7-5" and some of the pages linked there, particularly What Is a Haiku—And What Isn’t and then maybe Becoming a Haiku Poet. There's more to haiku than fitting words into 5-7-5 boxes; without those further considerations, what you're writing isn't haiku at all.
    Last edited by flyingchicken; 2013-03-14 at 11:54 AM.

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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    Quote Originally Posted by flyingchicken View Post
    If that one article doesn't convince you to change your ways, try these other ones: Why "No 5-7-5" and some of the pages linked there, particularly What Is a Haiku—And What Isn’t and then maybe Becoming a Haiku Poet. There's more to haiku than fitting words into 5-7-5 boxes; without those further considerations, what you're writing isn't haiku at all.
    Oh my...

    well, to be honest, writing a haiku in English is impossible (like any other western language). It's a traditional Japanese language art dealing with something similar to, but not syllables. since English doesn't have those, a concession was made to syllables for the general public. And yes, I am well aware that I write something more akin to senryu, focusing more on quirky people instead of nature. But do know that senryu is not something the general public is familiar with, while (pseudo) haiku is. And as I said, I probably won't write any real haiku (as far as the official rules are concerned) until I read and write some Japanese. For now (for the benefits of the general public and poetic licence) I keep to my incorrect ways. Until I Learn Japanese that is, then I'll compose the Haiku in japanese and add a translation. Please forgive me for now.
    Last edited by Socratov; 2013-03-15 at 02:23 AM.
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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    all righty... I don't weigh in often... but think I'mma gonna...

    it's just about FUN... as it's a GAMING forum, does absolute reality actually have to be adhered to?


    just sayin...

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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    Quote Originally Posted by Temji View Post
    all righty... I don't weigh in often... but think I'mma gonna...

    it's just about FUN... as it's a GAMING forum, does absolute reality actually have to be adhered to?


    just sayin...
    Good point! However, sometimes reality can be that spice to liven up your fantasy...
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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    Roll the die like Ceasar:
    Alea jacta est!
    I put it to the test.
    Have I gone too far?

    Gone for broke.
    Went all out.
    Left is doubt,
    and a bit of hope.

    Bared my heart,
    laid my soul,
    I have done my part.

    Trust the roll,
    no fresh start,
    get the goal.
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    First Ordained Jr. Tormlet by LoyalPaladin

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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    Oops, I accidentally a poetry:

    To Love a Woman

    To love a woman,
    is to die.
    To cease to exist.

    You won't think,
    Unless it's of her.
    You are not you,
    anymore,
    safe for with her.

    To love a woman,
    is to break.
    Focus is scattered,
    body in pieces.

    To love a woman,
    is to be,
    a fool in love.
    And Fools is all we will ever be.

    To love a woman,
    is to be,
    forever lost.
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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    Do I love haikus?
    Only a madman would not
    It's the art of arts
    Avatar by CoffeeIncluded

    Oooh, and that's a bad miss.

    “Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.”
    ― Tim Fargo

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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    A madman would not?
    Arent we all slightly mad?
    Normal is boring
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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    You speak the truth, sir
    How expressive a haiku is
    Should be transparent.
    Avatar by the awesome linkele, upon whom all glory should be bestowed!

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