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    Default Socratov's brainfarts collection - Now with haikus!

    Damn it feels good to be a warlock.
    A real blasta-ass warlock keeps blastin',
    a real blasta-ass warlock never has no spells.
    'Cause a real blasta-ass warlock just invokes.

    And all I gotta blast you with are
    Hellrime, Brimstone and vitriolic blasts.
    'Cause when the Hellfire comes around, what you gonna do?
    Damn it feels good to be a warlock
    Last edited by Socratov; 2012-06-13 at 08:07 AM.
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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    Collection of quotes:

    Praise:
    Quote Originally Posted by Immabozo View Post
    You are a very evil genius
    Quote Originally Posted by Immabozo View Post
    This is glorious. My friend, you have a talent for the written... errr, typed.... word.
    Also, I'm and Elder Evil now!

    Quote Originally Posted by Zaydos View Post
    Cotvasro, the Cheery God


    Cotvasro is a minor god of happiness and festivity, a deity to whose followers every day is a celebration and feast day. Worshiped primarily by Bacchanalian priests and Intoxicanters, and hated by Abstainers, Cotvasro encourages his worshipers to enjoy life whatever it throws at them, indulging in the best of the things it provides. (Kno Religion DC 15) Cotvasro presents themselves as a kindly, cheerful god, who wishes simply to see war and strife put aside and for the world to be filled with joy and the sounds of celebration. Those who look closely at his dogmas and doctrines, however, note that they seem designed to lead instead to hedonism and debauchery, and over-indulgence. (Kno Religion DC 22) The mad dwarven intoxicanter Axtul Thorazdred however penned of Cotvasro when in the throes of wine pressed from the veritas grape, writing grave secrets in his prophetic binge. Here Axtul wrote of many beings of dread portents: Atropus, the undead remnant of the creator of the gods; Ragnorra, a horror from the Far Realm which flies like a comet through the plane of life; Red Fel, the first corrupter and undead fiend to whom the world is a phylactery; the Paladin Most Loyal, who seeks to force good destructively upon all; Vael, the first warlock who made a pact with the Abyss itself; the Bladed Lord, clone brother of Garagos who sees war as all; Darinarxul, the tree of night which lives between the Primes; Leliel, the tenshi whose seed has been sown upon the world; the Dread Mythmaker known also as the Story-Wyrm; and last Cotvasro, whom he calls the Bubbling Corrupter. Axtul tells that Cotvasro is not in truth a god, but a far older being. This entity was deep in slumber when the first gods arose and by their will shaped Law and Chaos into the Great Wheel, it did not wake till the Prime Material grew across its form. By the time Cotvasro awoke, the once formless entity was trapped within the earth and within a form of its own. Cotvasro now existed as a sapient fluid, shifting and bubbling, and corporeal. Cotvasro sought to escape its imprisonment, reaching out with what powers it had at its disposal it influenced the least forms of life, guiding them, instructing them, changing them. With its malign will Cotvasro gave rise to fermentation. Then it waited, waited for sapient minds to develop. It touched their minds through drinks laced with the result of its earlier works, drawing them together in celebratory indulgence, extending its will into them while their minds were clouded. With each mind bent towards drink Cotvasro grows closer to being freed. Axtul does not say what will happen should Cotvasro obtain freedom, but he warns of it in the same line as he warns of those other names already listed, whose touch would each destroy the world. (Kno Religion DC 40)

    Goals


    Cotvasro's goal is the complete and total intoxication of all sapient life. Ultimately it desires this to escape from the limitations of form, returning to its formless slumber. To do so, though, it must lead all sapient life into a drunken stupor and connect them together in its will, slowly but certainly subverting their very being and leaving them hollow and empty to fuel its ascent back into formlessness.

    Sign


    A World Drunk

    Faint: Creatures which have drunk 36 mL of ethanol (120 mL of 40% alcohol by volume drinks or ~3 shots depending upon country and liquor) gain a +2 profane bonus to Bluff, Diplomacy, Gather Information, Intimidate, and other Charisma based checks made to interact with other creatures, as Cotvasro guides them through their intoxication with its knowledge of social graces obtained through observing civilization since its birth.

    Moderate: All creatures are constantly buzzed and happily tipsy, gaining a +4 bonus to saves versus fear.

    Strong: The happy buzz finally turns dark, becoming a broody, angry drunkenness. Whenever a creature takes damage it must make a Will save (DC 20) or enter a frenzy (as a frenzied berserker).

    Overwhelming: The mental intoxication begins to wear at the minds of all those native to the Prime. Any sapient (Int 3+) creature born on the afflicted world suffers 1 point of Wisdom drain every 24 hours, even if normally immune.

    Malefic Property:


    Dissolution of Form

    Cotvasro's attempts to escape its form has led it to permeate the area around it with form dissolving acid.

    Effect: Creatures within the area of this malefic property take 3d6 acid damage each round which ignores all acid resistance, but not immunity. In addition all other acid damage dealt within this area ignores acid resistance and immunity other than Cotvasro's, and any creature which lacks immunity to acid gains vulnerability to it.

    Traits/Tactics/Etc


    Cotvasro takes the form of a massive, living pool of acidic ethanol, though its worshiper view it as a god who takes the form of a fair and beautiful, young, man of (typically) their race. It dwells somewhere deep within the Underdark, only accessible through magic or a single passage known only to its clergy. Cotvasro's overall strategy involves having his followers perform a series of rituals at various locations across the plane to 'issue in a golden age' in truth acting to free its spirit somewhat from its body allowing it to affect the minds of sapient creatures directly without the need for alcohol (it's sign). Eventually its followers will get disillusioned (probably at Moderate sign) but by then the rituals are no longer needed. This leaves two methods to stop Cotvasro's growing influence. The first is to find a set of counter rituals to reseal it into its body more fully (Axtul Thorazdred details one such ritual in his Krasinomicon). The other is to 'kill' its body directly. While Cotvasro is impossible to truly kill, sufficient injury inflicted to its physical form will force it into quiescence for several millennia, but it will eventually reform and try again.
    Psyren as a fiendish soul connoiseur:
    Quote Originally Posted by Psyren View Post
    I see Incarnum as being like tofu. Sure you can shape it to look like a steak, and even add steak flavoring, but it's never going to be a steak.
    Quote Originally Posted by Zale View Post
    Ohh a Necromantic hamster would be adorable.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tyrion Lannister
    "I am not questioning your honor, I am simply denieing it's existence..."
    Quote Originally Posted by noparlpf View Post
    Man, this is not my week. Two blue-screens and several freezes for my laptop, and now I've crashed my best kobold.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cogwheel View Post
    Ridiculous (ri·dic·u·lous), adj.: Sort of like being outrageous, but not as good.
    Quote Originally Posted by Asta Kask View Post
    Ditto. In fact, one of the great thing about thermodynamics and the kinetic theory of heat is that boobs are constantly jiggling, if only slightly.
    Last edited by Socratov; 2015-05-24 at 11:32 AM.
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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection - Now with haikus

    Last edited by Socratov; 2013-09-25 at 05:34 PM.
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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    ladies and gentlemen (and anything in between if You consider yourself not in either of thsoe categories),

    I hereby open for you the possibility to request a haiku.

    Impress your gilrfliend?
    or just for the occasion?
    Ask and I will craft!


    To get a haiku,
    tell me what you will demand.
    Information helps.

    No telepathy,
    neither leaving me guessing,
    give it all to me.


    Have you given all?
    Then summon all your patience.
    A haiku is made.
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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    Socratov, you are one strange caballero. But I'd hate to see such a good offer go to waste.

    Since you're offering, I would like a haiku written concerning the situation in my avatar. There's not much information to convey that isn't immediately visible: one's a human rogue with a thing for purple, the other's a gold half-dragon monk with a thing for books; the former believes that he's stealthy and that a half-dragon would make a fine dagger repository, and the latter would like to disillusion him on both accounts. Their names aren't important, and any further details I leave for you to ask about or invent.

    If I like it, I'll proudly post it in my signature.
    There are no impossible encounters. There is only inadequate preparation.

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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    *flexes fingers*

    How grand that you love the art of Haiku as much as I do. Here's a series:

    Daring and daunting
    dagger in hand he doth stabs
    A dragon's back sheath


    Purple versus gold
    Such grand overconfidence!
    Taken by his throat


    Surprising dragons
    Takes more wiles and sharper wits
    Disillusionment


    Predator turned prey
    Dangling helplessly at length
    Dragons always win



    (If you only want one Haiku to show, the bolded one captures most of the scene as I feel it)

    Please feel free to tell me if you like it or not
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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    I like haiku, so I suggest you read this at least before making any more if you do too.

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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    Like it? I love it.

    This is a lovely little series, with a good mix of the serious and the silly. The second stanza does capture the scene very well, but to me the fourth stanza is the very best. Perhaps that's because it works the best when read outside of context, or perhaps it's because it has the best concluding line ever. Seriously, I laughed when I reached that line.

    The third stanza seems weaker to me; I'm not sure how well the one-word final line flows with the rest of it, and "wiles" sounds like a two syllable word in my head. Yeah, I looked it up, it's a one-syllable deal, but it still throws me off a bit. As a whole though, the series paints creates an atmospheric and flowing scene. I'm keeping this. Thanks so much!
    There are no impossible encounters. There is only inadequate preparation.

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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    Quote Originally Posted by flyingchicken View Post
    I like haiku, so I suggest you read this at least before making any more if you do too.
    It's certainly interesting, however modern school english haku enjoys some freedoms which creates more to my creativity. However, I'm planning to learn Japanese at some point, so that would expand my haiku horizons some more
    Quote Originally Posted by Komodo View Post
    Like it? I love it.

    This is a lovely little series, with a good mix of the serious and the silly. The second stanza does capture the scene very well, but to me the fourth stanza is the very best. Perhaps that's because it works the best when read outside of context, or perhaps it's because it has the best concluding line ever. Seriously, I laughed when I reached that line.

    The third stanza seems weaker to me; I'm not sure how well the one-word final line flows with the rest of it, and "wiles" sounds like a two syllable word in my head. Yeah, I looked it up, it's a one-syllable deal, but it still throws me off a bit. As a whole though, the series paints creates an atmospheric and flowing scene. I'm keeping this. Thanks so much!
    glad you love it! Yeah, I had much fun with the last line as well (got it fairly early in the process). On the one word line, it helps to pretend to be a wise old man of the asian persuasion and then reading it out loud. Then it all makes sense

    Feel free to use it and reference my name
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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    If that one article doesn't convince you to change your ways, try these other ones: Why "No 5-7-5" and some of the pages linked there, particularly What Is a Haiku—And What Isn’t and then maybe Becoming a Haiku Poet. There's more to haiku than fitting words into 5-7-5 boxes; without those further considerations, what you're writing isn't haiku at all.
    Last edited by flyingchicken; 2013-03-14 at 11:54 AM.

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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    Quote Originally Posted by flyingchicken View Post
    If that one article doesn't convince you to change your ways, try these other ones: Why "No 5-7-5" and some of the pages linked there, particularly What Is a Haiku—And What Isn’t and then maybe Becoming a Haiku Poet. There's more to haiku than fitting words into 5-7-5 boxes; without those further considerations, what you're writing isn't haiku at all.
    Oh my...

    well, to be honest, writing a haiku in English is impossible (like any other western language). It's a traditional Japanese language art dealing with something similar to, but not syllables. since English doesn't have those, a concession was made to syllables for the general public. And yes, I am well aware that I write something more akin to senryu, focusing more on quirky people instead of nature. But do know that senryu is not something the general public is familiar with, while (pseudo) haiku is. And as I said, I probably won't write any real haiku (as far as the official rules are concerned) until I read and write some Japanese. For now (for the benefits of the general public and poetic licence) I keep to my incorrect ways. Until I Learn Japanese that is, then I'll compose the Haiku in japanese and add a translation. Please forgive me for now.
    Last edited by Socratov; 2013-03-15 at 02:23 AM.
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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    all righty... I don't weigh in often... but think I'mma gonna...

    it's just about FUN... as it's a GAMING forum, does absolute reality actually have to be adhered to?


    just sayin...

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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    Quote Originally Posted by Temji View Post
    all righty... I don't weigh in often... but think I'mma gonna...

    it's just about FUN... as it's a GAMING forum, does absolute reality actually have to be adhered to?


    just sayin...
    Good point! However, sometimes reality can be that spice to liven up your fantasy...
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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    Roll the die like Ceasar:
    Alea jacta est!
    I put it to the test.
    Have I gone too far?

    Gone for broke.
    Went all out.
    Left is doubt,
    and a bit of hope.

    Bared my heart,
    laid my soul,
    I have done my part.

    Trust the roll,
    no fresh start,
    get the goal.
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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    Oops, I accidentally a poetry:

    To Love a Woman

    To love a woman,
    is to die.
    To cease to exist.

    You won't think,
    Unless it's of her.
    You are not you,
    anymore,
    safe for with her.

    To love a woman,
    is to break.
    Focus is scattered,
    body in pieces.

    To love a woman,
    is to be,
    a fool in love.
    And Fools is all we will ever be.

    To love a woman,
    is to be,
    forever lost.
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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    Do I love haikus?
    Only a madman would not
    It's the art of arts
    Avatar by CoffeeIncluded

    Oooh, and that's a bad miss.

    “Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.”
    ― Tim Fargo

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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    A madman would not?
    Arent we all slightly mad?
    Normal is boring
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    Default Re: Socratov's brainfarts collection

    You speak the truth, sir
    How expressive a haiku is
    Should be transparent.
    Avatar by the awesome linkele, upon whom all glory should be bestowed!

    Life would be tragic if it weren't funny. - Stephen Hawking

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