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    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Welcome to the Relationship Woes and Advice thread, home of any questions you may have: romantic or familial or friendship, we'll answer (or try to answer) them all. Three years old and growing. As Pancake says, this isn't a trade economy- feel free to ask if you have a question, even if you haven't ever given advice and don't intend to start. We won't stone you or ignore you or anything. All we ask is to know how a situation ends up, either in this thread or through a PM.

    Here are the basics.

    The biggest bit of advice I've seen bandied around is the truest- no matter what else is true about the situation, always be yourself. It's no good to act like someone else, because eventually the true you will come out and the other person will not be happy you hid that from them.

    Rules Of Relationships:
    #1- Communicate. If you can't talk with your partner, it's probably not going to work.

    #2- Be yourself. Admittedly, if you have some really bad habits you should probably try to change them, but be honest about who you are. No one wants to find out they were loving a lie, and no one likes to live a lie (...well, normally).

    #3- Accept your partner. In mine, and other people's, experience you have to be able to accept your partner as they are, because they probably won't be able to change. Also, don't change drastically for someone. I've tried it, my friends have tried it, it doesn't work and it doesn't end pretty.

    #4- Hints. Do. Not. Work. Or they might, but the chance of that happening is limited. Some people are like me and just utterly oblivious unless it is blatantly stated, others are (also like me) and don't want to assume, and yet others don't care. You won't know which they belong to unless you actually spell out your intentions and/or feelings. I would consider this a corrolery to Rule #1 except that it comes up so often. Do NOT assume someone should know something from hints. Hints, by nature, are subtle. Clue Bats/Crow Bars/Mack Trucks are not. Try hitting them with one of those. ;) (No, not literally. I mean be upfront if you are trying to get someone to know something.)

    #5- Don't be desperate. You don't need to be in a relationship and the healthiest mindset is one where you are happy as you are, even if you do not have a significant other. Don't stay in a relationship that isn't good if you aren't happy, just because you want someone. This is detrimental to both parties in the long (and sometimes short) run.

    #6- Be a couple. Set aside some time every week to be together. Just an hour, if nothing else, where it's JUST you two. No computer, no others. Just the couple.

    #6.5- Maintain the relationship. Ask your partner every now and then how they are feeling, if they feel like the relationship is still going in a good direction, etc. Also, make sure you don't hide it if you have an issue with your partner or a relationship. The only way it can change is if you talk about it.

    #7- Let your boundaries be known. This goes for everything from intimacy to what you consider cheating to any other thing you can think of. Pretty much if it's something that would possibly upset you or your partner, let them know BEFORE a problem arises. An example would be letting your partner know you consider kissing cheating. They very well might think only intercourse is cheating. Having that known before anything potentially happens is a good thing.

    #8- Know the signs of an abusive relationship. Both men and women can be abusers, and if you recognize the signs early on you are more likely to be able to get out of a bad situation before it gets out of hand. It's never easy, but if you know the general red flags, it can help you to avoid the situation.

    A list - courtesy of Pheehelm

    RULES. YOU READ THESE.
    -Anything of a sexual nature, please PM to either myself or one of the regular advice givers. If you just want general opinions post something like: "I have this problem, but it is not board appropriate. Could one of you guys PM me?" I know from experience that you will in fact get help.

    -KEEP IT NICE. Disagreements are bound to happen, but please don't be rude.

    -Joking is all fun and games, within reasons. Please do not get derogatory.

    -We are not allowed to dispense advice that should be handled by a professional, including psychological or medical advice.

    I decided to put this up because, evidently, it was not apparent that these should be followed. I do not want this thread to be scrubbed again, and we were blessed to get it back.

    So please - play nice, and if you're not comfortable talking about things over the open board, PM one of the regulars (too many to mention), and I'm sure they'll be willing to lend an ear - or if you're not sure who to PM, post asking for someone to PM you, and you'll soon get a response

    -Syka

    Previous thread: Relationship Woes and Advice 19: Whatever Lola Wants
    Last edited by DeadManSleeping; 2011-08-18 at 07:23 PM.

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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    New thread, new questions. This one's an informal survey for everybody and anybody. But especially everybody.

    To those with personal relationship experience or some form of dating history: what originally motivated you to start? What about the overall concept appealed to you? Was there something that you wanted (companionship, receive affection, display affection, helpmate, playmate, soulmate, mindmate...), was it purely/primarily about doing what it is people in your age group do, was it mere curiosity, were you acting on attraction to another person without really thinking this hard about it, was it something else?

    To those without personal relationship experience or some form of dating history but desire to change this: What's motivating you to -- look, it's a present tense rehash of the above questions, you know what to do.


    Context: Inquiring into my concern that social pressures and conformity play a larger role in the whole thing than they really should.
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Pheehelm View Post
    To those with personal relationship experience or some form of dating history: what originally motivated you to start?
    With my first boyfriend, I didn't want to start dating. He'd told me a few months before that he fancied me, and I'd just said "I'm flattered." and left it at that. We continued talking and one day I realised "We're dating, aren't we? ". So I guess the motivation was finding a guy I liked who liked me back.
    Quote Originally Posted by Pheehelm View Post
    What about the overall concept appealed to you?
    Can't really answer this with a reason before my first relationship, but when I came out of it, I was looking forward to University to get someone who wouldn't mind listening to me ramble on and on about bugger all for hours, and someone I could talk to about things I enjoy, and someone to hang out with like we're the craziest loonies on the block.
    Quote Originally Posted by Pheehelm View Post
    Was there something that you wanted (companionship, receive affection, display affection, helpmate, playmate, soulmate, mindmate...), was it purely/primarily about doing what it is people in your age group do, was it mere curiosity, were you acting on attraction to another person without really thinking this hard about it, was it something else?
    Companionship. Attraction to someone else without thinking about it was the first relationship (and the second one, but the second one didn't last long, which is probably a good thing considering age gaps and distance).

    I'll also add - the one thing that stops me from wanting to pursue a relationship with someone is the potential loss of that friend. While I'm still good friends with the second guy, the first one I wished merry christmas to a month or so after we broke up, and since then I haven't heard from him at all. And that was... not this christmas, but last christmas. So over a year and a half. Which is upsetting, because before we went out we were friends and had a lot of fun talking to each other.
    "I'm just going on motive and opportunity here and the fact that if the earth got swallowed by a black hole, I'd look suspiciously in your direction first."
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Honestly? I wanted to have a friend and I got affectionate and it grew from there and then crashed into a flaming pit.

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Why do I want a relationship? I guess it's a few things. I really do long for somebody who can be uniquely special to me, and to whom I can be uniquely special back. I love my friends, but it's really not the same thing. I would also really like sexytimes. I am, however, not motivated enough on either score to go out and really make an effort beyond going about my normal day and looking presentable.

    The one girl I really fell for, well, I just knew I wanted to be with her in a romantic way. There wasn't much question about it. I liked her. End of story.

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    In my first real relationship, I never even really consciously thought about dating; I just found a girl I liked to hang out with. When she finally told me she liked me, I was flabbergasted (for all of five seconds, heh) but I realised then that I actually liked her too. As bad as it sounds, I don't think I fell in love with her until after we started dating. We lasted three years. I think there are times when relationships are just ready to happen, and you can either go with it or shut it down right then and there.

    These days, the things I am looking for are primarily companionship... but more than that. Being needed and having someone you can share anything with. Something like that. "Someone to come home to", as the song puts it. Attraction, physical and otherwise, is of course important. Everything else I can get from my friends, I think.

    I don't think just "wanting to be in a relationship" is reason enough. You need to want something from it.
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Hey guys/gals, do you think that going 10 pin bowling is too stupid for a first date, or should I stick to just coffee or lunch or something?
    Witness my glory and know that when my darkness fades, if you yet live, it is because an ally does not.

    AN EMPTY SPOT WITHIN MY CRAW CRAVES YOUR FLESH, YOUR BONES BLED RAW!
    YOUR FEAR! YOUR FEAR! SO SWEET! SO STRONG! TO TEASE MY TONGUE, YOUR LIVES ARE GONE!
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Moonshadow View Post
    Hey guys/gals, do you think that going 10 pin bowling is too stupid for a first date, or should I stick to just coffee or lunch or something?
    Sounds awesome to me. Gives you a conversation piece ("I'm gonna get all 10 at once this time..."), and it gives you something to do. Plus, you can talk to them while they're bowling it out and get to know them.
    "I'm just going on motive and opportunity here and the fact that if the earth got swallowed by a black hole, I'd look suspiciously in your direction first."
    ~ Timberwolf

    "I blame Castaras. You know... In general."
    ~ KuReshtin

    "Castaras - An absolutely adorable facade that hides a truly ruthless streak."
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Well, I guess I'm just a little bit worried that she might find it a bit silly or childish >.> But it's something that I enjoy and that I'm sufficiently good enough to purposefully lose at if I have to
    Witness my glory and know that when my darkness fades, if you yet live, it is because an ally does not.

    AN EMPTY SPOT WITHIN MY CRAW CRAVES YOUR FLESH, YOUR BONES BLED RAW!
    YOUR FEAR! YOUR FEAR! SO SWEET! SO STRONG! TO TEASE MY TONGUE, YOUR LIVES ARE GONE!
    YOUR ODDS UNFAVORED, MY WEB TOO STRONG! SPEED WON'T NEGATE A LINE STEPPED WRONG!
    YOU DARE? DARE SMITE THIS AWESOME BEAST? YOUR FATES ARE SEALED AS MY NEXT FEAST!
    HEED THIS BECK AND HEAR THIS CALL! FIGHT ME STILL, YOUR WILLS SHALL FALL!

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    DrowGirl

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Moonshadow View Post
    Well, I guess I'm just a little bit worried that she might find it a bit silly or childish >.> But it's something that I enjoy and that I'm sufficiently good enough to purposefully lose at if I have to
    If she finds it silly or childish, then you might be better looking elsewhere. Though seriously, something lighthearted like that is fun, and if you're good at it so you can lose if needbe, all the better.
    "I'm just going on motive and opportunity here and the fact that if the earth got swallowed by a black hole, I'd look suspiciously in your direction first."
    ~ Timberwolf

    "I blame Castaras. You know... In general."
    ~ KuReshtin

    "Castaras - An absolutely adorable facade that hides a truly ruthless streak."
    ~ The Succubus

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Moonshadow View Post
    Hey guys/gals, do you think that going 10 pin bowling is too stupid for a first date, or should I stick to just coffee or lunch or something?
    That's actually a great idea. It gives you something to do, neatly filling any akward silent moments that might otherwise come up, while having some fun. It's also nice and relaxed and not too energetic, like for instance ice-skating might be.

    Also, it's so not childish
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    Also, this is the internet. We're all borderline insane for simply being here.
    So I guess I have an internets? | And a trophy. | And a music cookie (whatever that is).

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Pheehelm View Post
    To those with personal relationship experience or some form of dating history: what originally motivated you to start?
    Well, I fell in love with a guy and asked him out. Rince and repeat until one said yes. Pretty straightforward.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pheehelm View Post
    What about the overall concept appealed to you?
    I'm not sure how to explain that because it seems to self explanatory to me. What's weird with the concept of wanting to be with someone you're in love with? It's kind of normal, you know. You're hungry, you want to eat. You're in love, you want to be together. It seems like a pure cause to effect thing here.

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    What's weird with the concept of wanting to be with someone you're in love with?
    Falling in love then going out is a reverse of the usual pattern as I understand it. (I don't know if I'd call that weird either, but it does seem atypical.) If you think of my questions in the context of "ask out then fall in love" it makes more sense -- note that nowhere in my post did I ask people who've loved and lost why they're trying again. It makes sense keep trying once you know what it's like. I'm asking about those to whom the in-love experience is/was purely academic (and, ideally, haven't/hadn't met anyone they're really interested in yet).
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Pheehelm View Post
    Falling in love then going out is a reverse of the usual pattern as I understand it. (I don't know if I'd call that weird either, but it does seem atypical.) If you think of my questions in the context of "ask out then fall in love" it makes more sense -- note that nowhere in my post did I ask people who've loved and lost why they're trying again. It makes sense keep trying once you know what it's like. I'm asking about those to whom the in-love experience is/was purely academic (and, ideally, haven't/hadn't met anyone they're really interested in yet).
    But falling in love isn't academic. One person might tick one set of boxes for you, but then another might tick a different set, and you'll still love them both. You don't go about with a checklist in your head, and automatically fall in love when they tick all the boxes. You might find someone who does tick all the boxes, but you don't feel anything for them. Or the reverse - someone doesn't tick all the boxes, but you fall madly in love with them.
    "I'm just going on motive and opportunity here and the fact that if the earth got swallowed by a black hole, I'd look suspiciously in your direction first."
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    "I blame Castaras. You know... In general."
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    "Castaras - An absolutely adorable facade that hides a truly ruthless streak."
    ~ The Succubus

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pheehelm View Post
    Falling in love then going out is a reverse of the usual pattern as I understand it. (I don't know if I'd call that weird either, but it does seem atypical.) If you think of my questions in the context of "ask out then fall in love" it makes more sense -- note that nowhere in my post did I ask people who've loved and lost why they're trying again. It makes sense keep trying once you know what it's like. I'm asking about those to whom the in-love experience is/was purely academic (and, ideally, haven't/hadn't met anyone they're really interested in yet).
    I kind of understand what you're saying here. As I mentioned in a previous post, I fell in love with my girlfriend only after we started going out. (Note I don't even say that's the right way to go about things, but hey, it sometimes happens.)

    You might not have a "checklist", as Castaras says, but when you find someone you could potentially care to be with, it's reasonable to try the relationship and see where it leads.

    Once you're in love, however, I'm betting you'll know it. And do everything in your power to be with that person.
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    From the discomfort of truth there is only one refuge and that is ignorance. I do not need to be comfortable, and I will not take refuge. I demand to *know*.
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    Also, this is the internet. We're all borderline insane for simply being here.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Castaras View Post
    But falling in love isn't academic...
    Er? I think you misunderstood me. I wasn't calling falling in love itself academic. All I meant by "those to whom the in-love experience is purely academic" was "those who have not been in love." They may have an intellectual understanding of it at most, but haven't actually experienced it themselves.

    For what it's worth, other than that I don't disagree with your post any.
    Last edited by Pheehelm; 2011-08-18 at 07:36 AM.
    A potent relic of the past. 'Tis said the wearer commands the wisdom of kings, and can see the unseeable.
    Like the grue lurking in your bedroom waiting for you to fall asleep.
    But perhaps some things are better left unseen...
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Pheehelm View Post
    Er? I think you misunderstood me. I wasn't calling falling in love itself academic. All I meant by "those to whom the in-love experience is purely academic" was "those who have not been in love." They may have an intellectual understanding of it at most, but haven't actually experienced it themselves.

    For what it's worth, other than that I don't disagree with your post any.
    Aha, gotcha. Me misunderstanding then, nevermind.
    "I'm just going on motive and opportunity here and the fact that if the earth got swallowed by a black hole, I'd look suspiciously in your direction first."
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    @Pheehelm: I was just trying to explain my position. I guess I don't understand why anyone would want to date someone they're not in love with. It always seems a bit degrading to me. Like, it's not "I've met you so now I want to be with you" it's "I want to be with someone, just someone in general, not a specific person, and I'm gonna give you a try to see if you'll do".

    I fail to see why it would change after you're in love once. I've had relationships end and I still worked the same way: fall in love, try to pursue it, date if they say yes.

    I'm not saying other people are wrong to do things differently, just that I don't get it myself, and I don't think I would feel good if someone told me they felt that way towards me. I would feel like the person just had a slot to fill and was trying random pegs lying on the ground, and that's not valorising at all.

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Pheehelm View Post
    To those with personal relationship experience or some form of dating history: what originally motivated you to start?
    I'm gonna go with "peer pressure".

    I went to an all-boy's school, and I can tell you one of the greatest dreads was of being alone (also, homophobia, but that doesn't enter into the picture) - or rather, being more alone than everyone else. The boy who didn't hook up with someone was always seen as something strange - clearly, there's something wrong with him if no one would take him. And because the dating pool was rather limited (one all-girl's school nearby and another two cities north) word got around pretty fast.

    Nowadays, when I go out it's usually for fun. Looking for something serious isn't necessarily out of the equation, but where I am in life means I feel I need a guy who can ride alongside, so to speak, someone fun to be with. A long-term partner would be nice, but as it stands it's not a pressing issue.

    While I haven't been on a date in a while due to physical therapy after a little accident on the road, I'm fairly certain what I'm looking for still hasn't changed.
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Castaras View Post
    If she finds it silly or childish, then you might be better looking elsewhere. Though seriously, something lighthearted like that is fun, and if you're good at it so you can lose if needbe, all the better.
    Quote Originally Posted by Feytalist View Post
    That's actually a great idea. It gives you something to do, neatly filling any akward silent moments that might otherwise come up, while having some fun. It's also nice and relaxed and not too energetic, like for instance ice-skating might be.

    Also, it's so not childish
    Hehehe, thanks Now I just have to wait for her to get on MSN again so I can ask her out... and hope that she likes me enough that she's not too scared off by the thought of meeting >>;;
    Witness my glory and know that when my darkness fades, if you yet live, it is because an ally does not.

    AN EMPTY SPOT WITHIN MY CRAW CRAVES YOUR FLESH, YOUR BONES BLED RAW!
    YOUR FEAR! YOUR FEAR! SO SWEET! SO STRONG! TO TEASE MY TONGUE, YOUR LIVES ARE GONE!
    YOUR ODDS UNFAVORED, MY WEB TOO STRONG! SPEED WON'T NEGATE A LINE STEPPED WRONG!
    YOU DARE? DARE SMITE THIS AWESOME BEAST? YOUR FATES ARE SEALED AS MY NEXT FEAST!
    HEED THIS BECK AND HEAR THIS CALL! FIGHT ME STILL, YOUR WILLS SHALL FALL!

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Pheehelm View Post
    what originally motivated you to start? What about the overall concept appealed to you? Was there something that you wanted (companionship, receive affection, display affection, helpmate, playmate, soulmate, mindmate...), was it purely/primarily about doing what it is people in your age group do, was it mere curiosity, were you acting on attraction to another person without really thinking this hard about it, was it something else?
    At first? I was a horny teenager. It wasn't about affection or companionship, until I fell in love and things got all complicated. Now, I'm almost back to where I began, except I've matured enough to recognize that a relationship and a one-night stand are two completely different experiences, and it's a mistake to pursue one when you want the other.

    One thing I don't want is a long-term relationship. I still have too many trust issues for one to work out; I'm only now getting used to close friendships.
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Moonshadow View Post
    Hey guys/gals, do you think that going 10 pin bowling is too stupid for a first date, or should I stick to just coffee or lunch or something?
    All the 'do's and 'don't's of bowling dates in one short video!
    Last edited by DeadManSleeping; 2011-08-18 at 10:40 AM.

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Also, you should probably refrain from threatening anyone with a gun. Even if they did step over the line.
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Lissou View Post
    @Pheehelm: I was just trying to explain my position. I guess I don't understand why anyone would want to date someone they're not in love with. It always seems a bit degrading to me. Like, it's not "I've met you so now I want to be with you" it's "I want to be with someone, just someone in general, not a specific person, and I'm gonna give you a try to see if you'll do".
    I'm not quite sure I understand the comparison between the two quotes, but I agree with the point 100%.

    Incidentally, when I look back on my first relationship, I genuinely cannot think of what it was that made me want to have one. Peer pressure is the best guess I can come up with. My second attempt (and total fail) at having a relationship was caused by an inexplicable desire for a girlfriend if I recall correctly, and not really understanding my feelings at the time.

    Since then, I have silently vowed to take a much more logical approach to relationships. Oddly, this has resulted in me avoiding them like the plague (not that I've noticed any opportunities for relationships in the last two and a half years, but still).
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Lissou View Post
    @Pheehelm: I was just trying to explain my position. I guess I don't understand why anyone would want to date someone they're not in love with. It always seems a bit degrading to me. Like, it's not "I've met you so now I want to be with you" it's "I want to be with someone, just someone in general, not a specific person, and I'm gonna give you a try to see if you'll do".
    Not...quite. I've never fallen in love prior to the beginning of a relationship, but I've also never begun a relationship for the sake of a relationship. I've begun them because I genuinely like the person and enjoy their company and could see myself being with them. I'm just not in love with them yet.



    As for the impetus of my first relationship? I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16, but even then I had no desire because A. I didn't want to go through partners like so many teens do and B. I didn't want the inevitable drama to interfere with my schoolwork. Yeah...I'm a total square.

    3 months after my 16th birthday, I meet this really cute guy at a convention. Now, mind, I've had crushes prior to this (even very long crushes), but never any desire to date. I'm smitten over this dude. Two weeks after the con, he asks me out long distance over AIM, I think about it ('cause I'm the most ridiculous sap with a realistic streak you will meet), and say yes.


    I did it because I liked him, and I wanted to see where it would go. And he was just as huge a nerd as I. It wasn't something I actively thought about, it just felt right. That's what's happened for each of the guys I've dated. I've never sought out a relationship, and if I didn't feel something there I'd turn a guy down, but it has just...clicked with where I am at that point in time. Not curiosity or anything like that. Just a rightness.
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Pheehelm View Post
    To those with personal relationship experience or some form of dating history: what originally motivated you to start? What about the overall concept appealed to you? Was there something that you wanted (companionship, receive affection, display affection, helpmate, playmate, soulmate, mindmate...), was it purely/primarily about doing what it is people in your age group do, was it mere curiosity, were you acting on attraction to another person without really thinking this hard about it, was it something else?
    Honestly, a few factors. Loneliness. I was a little unsocial in high school and this person was always there for me. We shared a lot of things in common and constantly talked on AIM. As I opened up to her she opened up to me, and I realized how angry I was at wrongs that had been done to her. I realized it was because I wanted to protect her, that I always wanted to be there for her. Things developed from there.

    Quote Originally Posted by Moonshadow View Post
    Hey guys/gals, do you think that going 10 pin bowling is too stupid for a first date, or should I stick to just coffee or lunch or something?
    Grand Theft Auto says bowling is fine, and that's where I get all my ideas for life from.

    In all reality, it sounds good to me, too. Bowling isn't really awkward, is a convenient length, and can be quite relaxing or exciting depending on how things go.

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Bowling is *great*.

    Provokes conversation, provides topics of conversation, and is fun at all skill levels.

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    New thread, new questions. This one's an informal survey for everybody and anybody. But especially everybody.

    To those with personal relationship experience or some form of dating history: what originally motivated you to start? What about the overall concept appealed to you? Was there something that you wanted (companionship, receive affection, display affection, helpmate, playmate, soulmate, mindmate...), was it purely/primarily about doing what it is people in your age group do, was it mere curiosity, were you acting on attraction to another person without really thinking this hard about it, was it something else?

    To those without personal relationship experience or some form of dating history but desire to change this: What's motivating you to -- look, it's a present tense rehash of the above questions, you know what to do.


    Context: Inquiring into my concern that social pressures and conformity play a larger role in the whole thing than they really should.
    I cant say that I ever was motivated to just look for a relationship. I hope most people arent. My desire to date would come from, usually, meeting somebody in particular that I found myself really liking. I wanted to date THEM, not simply just date.

    And now, single in college, I would go as far to say Im UNMOTIVATED to date. I was first unmotivated to find someone because i really enjoyed being able to hook up whenever i felt like it with whoever, as slutty as that sounds. And now Im not doing that as much but im still pretty unmotivated because I dont think id be good for anybody right now.. id rather wait till i am.
    "This isn't how I thought I'd turn out.."

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Nice title.

    Oh and, it's truly annoying when one friend promises to open a tumblr account with you, only to disappear for a week afterwards. Still no answer. Couldn't she just say "I changed my mind, sorry"?
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Here's got another general survey question for everyone, although not necessarily tied to relationships for everyone.

    Have you ever realized that you were thinking about something too much? To the point that thinking about it was preventing you from acting on it? If so, how did you get yourself over that?
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