Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

[Alleine]

I'm probably exaggerating the time constraint issue, but it does put a damper on any possibility of a nice long conversation, hence the luck in that not being a problem next week. See, the whole grabbing her attention on the way out thing just strikes me as a weak idea. Granted my perception of how it would go is going to be flawed but I have a hard time seeing anyone really care that some random dude is making a comment about the class as a group of people flow out the door. As for simply asking her to have coffee or lunch, I doubt I could work up the courage for that >.<

[Sarco_Phage]

If she rejects you, accept it and continue as friends. I cannot stress this enough: You are no longer allowed to bring it up in this situation. She can, just not you.

Amen I say to you, the most annoying thing in the world is a boy who can't take no for an answer.

Well, second most annoying thing in the world.

[Serpentine]

I'm probably exaggerating the time constraint issue, but it does put a damper on any possibility of a nice long conversation, hence the luck in that not being a problem next week. See, the whole grabbing her attention on the way out thing just strikes me as a weak idea. Granted my perception of how it would go is going to be flawed but I have a hard time seeing anyone really care that some random dude is making a comment about the class as a group of people flow out the door. As for simply asking her to have coffee or lunch, I doubt I could work up the courage for that >.<

That's what the grabbing her attention on the way out for a quick convo is for - leading you up to asking her to something more convenient
But really, I wouldn't call it "weak". I'd call it... normal.

[Arcane_Snowman]

Okay, so I'm going to try and start socialising some more, one of the sectors in which I generally happen to have a lot of problems, and I've been thinking that I might try some online socialising as I'm pretty shy in person, maybe even look for a prospective person to date, eventually. I realise that given the right part of the forum, Giant in the Playground is pretty decent for the former (or at the very least, seems at first glance), to some degree, but it'd be nice to talk to people in real time.

Does anyone know of a site that's relatively geek friendly for such purposes?

[Sarco_Phage]

Dude, make some RL friends. Go to parties! Hurl yourself into the deep end of the shark tank that is the social whirlpool. You can only learn by experience.

Tell us of what kind of problems you have socializing though. Shyness is a starting point, go into specifics! Confessione is goode for the soule.

[Serpentine]

There's Giantitp Chat on Facebook... Where do you live? Maybe you could look at going to a meet-up.

[Sarco_Phage]

There's Giantitp Chat on Facebook...

Facebooke is always a good place to keep up with people, but not necessarily the best place to meet em, yannow?

[Serpentine]

Sure, but if he's just wanting to talk to people and make new friends, Giantitp Chat isn't a terrible place to start, and it meets his request. And, as I edited in, depending on where he lives it could help real-life meetings.

[Arcane_Snowman]

Dude, make some RL friends. Go to parties! Hurl yourself into the deep end of the shark tank that is the social whirlpool. You can only learn by experience.

Tell us of what kind of problems you have socializing though. Shyness is a starting point, go into specifics! Confessione is goode for the soule.

I have real life friends, albeit not a large quantity, but for enough for me.

My problems with socialising are the following:
I'm a relatively high functioning Asperger: I've never really been much for parties, the often overwhelming music and plethora of people that I am not acquainted with is often more stimulus than I can handle in one sitting, and given that I'm not particularly fond of mainstream music and horrible at small talk, parties a general waste of time for me.

I'm Eurasian (My mother is European, my father was Thai), I've spent the formative years (from birth to the age of 16) of my life in a country which has no laws against racism, in a small rural town, most of my experience with random peer no. 27 has been that of bullies because of my personality and appearance, and given that I'm 21 my understanding is that it won't let up just yet. A couple of years ago, some person followed me from the train-station half way to my house (at least 300m) just to punch and kick me in the face for reasons that still eludes me. Suffice it to say, my experience with people in person has not been the most pleasant, so for the time being I'd rather just stay in my dungeon, and meet the people I know aren't unpleasant in person.

Incidentally, the aforementioned countries medical system did not recognise Asperger as a condition, my diagnosis and subsequent assistance has only commenced earlier this year.

I currently live In Australia though, so things are better.

[Serpentine]

Ooo. Whereabouts in Australia? We had a meet-up in Brisbane not long ago, and I know there's people in Melbourne, Perth and probably Sydney who'd be happy to meet other Playgrounders.
Also: come join the Giantitp Chat on Facebook already

[Arcane_Snowman]

Ooo. Whereabouts in Australia? We had a meet-up in Brisbane not long ago, and I know there's people in Melbourne, Perth and probably Sydney who'd be happy to meet other Playgrounders.
Also: come join the Giantitp Chat on Facebook already

I currently live north of Brisbane.

And I'll give the facebook page a look.

[Coidzor]

Well, second most annoying thing in the world.

Well, go on then.

Dude, make some RL friends. Go to parties! Hurl yourself into the deep end of the shark tank that is the social whirlpool. You can only learn by experience.

Well, there's some level of difficulty in finding parties if one isn't on the periphery of a social network that would enable access to such information.

[Serpentine]

I currently live north of Brisbane.

And I'll give the facebook page a look.

I know of at least two up that way - one perhaps more likely to be interested in meeting up than the other - and I visit my dad on the Gold Coast sometimes.
Go check out the Australasia thread if you haven't already.

[Arcane_Snowman]

I know of at least two up that way - one perhaps more likely to be interested in meeting up than the other - and I visit my dad on the Gold Coast sometimes.
Go check out the Australasia thread if you haven't already.

I don't live that far from Brisbane, I can still get there relatively easy.

I've had a look at it, but not much more.

[rogueboy]

My problems with socialising are the following:
I'm a relatively high functioning Asperger: I've never really been much for parties, the often overwhelming music and plethora of people that I am not acquainted with is often more stimulus than I can handle in one sitting, and given that I'm not particularly fond of mainstream music and horrible at small talk, parties a general waste of time for me.

This is very similar to what I've been dealing with in improving my social interaction (also high-functioning Asperger, only recognized at the end of high school). As has been mentioned, the best way to get better at socializing (read: talking with people you don't know very well) is to just jump in and do it. For me, an approach that made it a lot easier was to make myself have a conversation with the cashier at the grocery when I'm checking out. Doing so is very common, there's a specific end-point to the conversation, and there's essentially no consequences to screwing things up, besides feeling mildly awkward for a few minutes. As you do that more, you'll start having an easier time extending this to other situations (I'm not saying it'll be instant or complete, but improvements is what you're going for here).

Also, you may want to think about counseling. I've done individual and group therapy through my school, which have helped, even in the short time I've done each of them (~4 months of individual, and going on 3 months group now).

[Sarco_Phage]

Well, go on then.

Well, there's some level of difficulty in finding parties if one isn't on the periphery of a social network that would enable access to such information.

First most annoying thing in the world: drivers who don't slow down when nearing a pedestrian lane.

Anyway, yeah, that's true, but there's always a party. I dunno how it is in Australia, but there are usually places to hit. Drink, meet people, have awesome times.

Also:

THERE ARE LAWS AGAINST RACISM??

I thought it was just a common decency thing. An unspoken rule. You know, "don't be a prick to people of different ethnic or cultural backgrounds". Well, I know we, backwards nation that we are, don't have anti-racism laws. Too busy trying to survive the monthly natural disasters, you see.

Anyway: I have a friend who is high-functioning with Asperger's, but over time he learned to "fake it" enough to actually properly tolerate social contact - and sometimes, even initiate. Like rogueboy says, the best thing is to just jump in; don't worry too much about the process. You essentially have to train yourself to be chill with people; you won't just magically get better at it over time - you need to actively try and make friends.

[Maralais]

And now for somethingsomeone completely different, I have recently(last week) met a girl on the internet. A few days ago I realised I had a crush on her, and now I'm kind of puzzled about what to do, as I doubt we know each other enough to be called even friends, with the internet and just a week thing. Supposing I want to turn this friendship into a more intimate relationship, when would be a good time to express my feelings?(Though I'm pretty sure this completely depends on the people, but perhaps there is a time too soon)

[Sarco_Phage]

And now for somethingsomeone completely different, I have recently(last week) met a girl on the internet. A few days ago I realised I had a crush on her, and now I'm kind of puzzled about what to do, as I doubt we know each other enough to be called even friends, with the internet and just a week thing. Supposing I want to turn this friendship into a more intimate relationship, when would be a good time to express my feelings?(Though I'm pretty sure this completely depends on the people, but perhaps there is a time too soon)

It's on you, bro. It's also on her. But I'd say a week is way too soon. Two weeks? Still too soon. A month might be doable.

[Feytalist]

Generally you want to ask her out before you become too good a friend. While it might be a bit too soon to ask her out, now is a perfect time to start giving a "crush"y vibe. After a week or so of casual flirting, you can do something a bit more serious. Also depends on how much of each other you're seeing, of course.

That's just my opinion, though.

[Serpentine]

THERE ARE LAWS AGAINST RACISM??

I thought it was just a common decency thing. An unspoken rule. You know, "don't be a prick to people of different ethnic or cultural backgrounds". Well, I know we, backwards nation that we are, don't have anti-racism laws. Too busy trying to survive the monthly natural disasters, you see.

If you have laws against discimination on the basis of race, and/or laws specifically about hate crimes, you have "anti-racism laws".

[Sarco_Phage]

If you have laws against discimination on the basis of race, and/or laws specifically about hate crimes, you have "anti-racism laws".

Okay, yeah, so we definitely don't have anti-racism laws.

[Serpentine]

Okay, yeah, so we definitely don't have anti-racism laws.

Wow. That... sucks


So, I'm pretty sure I've completely burned any chance of salvaging my friendship with that friend who dumped me over a Facebook comment. I'm sad, because he was a great friend, but right now I can't really feel that it's such a great loss. Here's the whole flaming bridge, if you're interested - it's complicated, cuz we each responded to the other on a paragraph-by-paragraph basis, but I'll try to make it make sense.

Spoiler

Show

First of all, his girlfriend announced over Facebook that they had broken up, and my housemate talked to him and discovered they'd broken up over "philosophical differences" or somesuch. I'd sent a couple of things to him - "How'd your movie thing go?", "sorry about you and your girlfriend, you can come over to talk or whatever if you like" - and received relatively positive responses so I thought I'd take a chance and refriend him on Facebook. And then...

I received your friend request on Facebook, and I would like to accept. I have always wanted to remain friends, and I am even happy to reclaim it after the recent decline. However, as I hope I have made evident enough, certain principles are of concern to me, and so I could not return to being functioning friends by just ignoring said critical ideological matters. Therefore, to rebuild what could be a good friendship, we would need to talk first, alone and face to face. Suggest a time and a place if you agree, and I will try and make it...

For now, I think I just need to say my piece:

First of all, contrary to your letter, I was aware that you were ignoring me. I just figured I was being paranoid and unfair. "No," I told myself, "He wouldn't be that petty. He wouldn't be so childish as to give me the silent treatment." And so I continued being your friend. I tried to get you a job, I went to see your play, I invited you to everything I could invite you to, assuming we could just put the whole stupid thing behind us and move on. I guess I was wrong.

I'm willing to accept that you're right when you say she didn't mean what she said. However, it is not my responsibility to make sure that everyone says what they mean, and I will not apologise for responding to what was said. Especially when it was said in unequivocal, confident and absolute terms giving no hint of uncertainty nor gradiation. I think it is unreasonable to expect me to do anything else. And considering the bit in what she said in which anyone who did not vocally agree with the claims were labelled cowards, I'd say we're about even in that regard.

I do not believe I was excessive in what I said nor how I said it, nor that it was in excess of what someone should expect when making such inflammatory and insulting claims in a public place. However, I acknowledge and accept that I could, indeed, have been nicer about it, and I will consider that in future. It was not my intent to upset [Girlfriend], and for that I am sorry. I have told her so, and as far as the two of us are concerned the matter is resolved. A couple of times over. I am also sorry for its impact on you - that was both unintended and unexpected.

The fact is, [Friend], I am human. I'm not perfect, I lose my temper sometimes, I tend not to make the most ideal choice for every single action. I am not going to apologise to you or anyone else for what makes me normal. I will try to improve myself, but I - and those interested in being my friends - need to understand that I will never reach perfection. And I am not going to apologise for every little less-than-perfection I do, especially not when I do not believe it was wrong of me - less than perfect, certainly, but not wrong. Your expectations of me are simply too high. If this letter isn't enough to put this mess behind us, well, as sad as it makes me, that is your decision. Not mine.

If this - this, of all things! One single sarcastic comment on Facebook! - is enough to break our friendship, then perhaps it was already irrepairably cracked to begin with. For that, I am really sorry.

One last note: if, as I fear, this really is it for us, please don't enforce it excessively. In particular, consider [housemate]: he already has to keep his [Serpentine]-circle and his [Ex]-circle separate. If he also has to make sure that you and I never ever meet face to face under any circumstances because you decide you never want to see me again even if you don't have to talk to me, that's just not fair on him.

As you don't seem prepared to discuss this directly, face-to-face, I shall endeavour to compensate by addressing each point as they arose in the text, via a different font...

[first few sentences]
For the record, the childish thing to do would have been to be mean and provocative, incidentally like your comment which set the whole issue off. I was trying to (a) let you know how annoyed and hurt I was, and (b) avoid having to pretend like everything was alright by putting up a facade.

[stuff I did while he was giving me the silent treatment]
I would like you to know that I very much appreciated all that. Just as, whatever now happens, I will forever appreciate the beautiful ways in which you have been a part of my life. However, I could not put the matter behind me with it being left unresolved. Your failure to try and address/resolve it showed that you didn't care enough about what it meant to me or [Girlfriend], and so was a rudeness in itself. The incident itself, I am prepared to get over, although it is the mentality that drove it which still persists and which I would be indirectly condoning if I didn't require you to reconsider it.

[bit about it not being my responsibility to make sure people say what they mean]
She didn't say anything (unlike you..). She, mistakenly, chose something that she agreed with in merely some small respect, and reproduced it without deeper consideration. For that she is guilty. But you need to take a good hard look at yourself if it's an unreasonable strain on you to say something like "what about the humanitarian repercussions?" instead of "yeah, we should just let everyone starve to death" or whatever it is that you articulated. And furthermore, you said it to an indirectly-involved, human participant, rather than to the comment or to the faceless commentator itself.

[apology]
Thankyou. This consideration is what I have been angling for!

[being human]
Neither do I. That is entirely acceptable. One of the few virtues of textual communication, however, is that you get the opportunity to let your temper rage behind closed doors, then send a more considered communication to those you want to respond to.

[what I'm not gonna apologise for]
This is not acceptable. You shouldn't be too proud to say you're sorry when you have failed to behave up to standard. I'm not. Saying sorry isn't admitting that you're pathetic. In fact, it takes strength to do so and thus indicates that you are the opposite of pathetic. Nor does saying sorry equate to a confession of guilt to some sort of malevolent body like the Spanish Inquisition, who would follow-up with fatal punishment. Most of your friends are compassionate and forgiving...

[it's his decision]
It was my decision to give you an ultimatum. It was your decision that your supposed right to, out of convenience, say tactlessly and negligently whatever pops into your brain, was more important than admitting that your friends (like yourself and anyone) have sensitivities that need to be acknowledged and respected.

[cracked friendship]
I shall admit that it felt cracked beforehand, and even that it possibly had no realistic hope of returning quite to its former strength, but this is not about any of that. Nor is it about one single comment. It is about you defending that comment! About you defending an error in standards of social acceptability because life's a tad easier that way for you. For that error is a mentality that holds your communicatory convenience to be the pinnacle of importance, regardless of whether or not minute effort could be employed to help ease the impact upon a person's feelings; and people feeling secure, happy and warm is critical to any positive relationship between people, so if you don't care as much about that as you do about your own "right" to mouth-off willy-nilly, then the friendship is totally pointless and undesirable to me...

[concern for housemate]
It's good of you to think of [Housemate]. I hadn't particularly considered that element of the matter. You're right, that isn't fair on him. Feel free to let him know that he doesn't have to go too far out of his way to keep us at a distance from each other. I am prepared to be in the same room as you, to make some eye contact with you and even to say some sort of a greeting. Nevertheless, as you are well aware, I am not nearly as emotionally strong as I would like to be, so (if you decide you cannot intend to meet the fundamental standards I require in a friend) you must expect this interaction from me to come across rather awkwardly; a reflection of the conflict within me between the aspect of me that diligently respects principles and the aspect of me that still cares about you greatly..

[re. childishness]
No. The childish thing to do is to stay silent, sulk, and give the object of your aggravation the silent treatment. That's pretty much the epitome of childishness.

[re. lack of care]
My "failure" merely showed that I considered it a complete non-event, a petty argument not worthy of taking any further, and that I would be surprised if you chose to turn it into a big deal.

[she totes didn't do anything]
She posted it under her name, in a public place. She said it. You need to realise that. If she didn't mean it, she shouldn't have said it. It's as simple as that. But apparently it's fine for her to say something inflammatory, ignorant and insulting "if she doesn't mean it", but it's not okay for me to call her on the stupidity of what she posted...
I said it to the directly-involved person who made the decision to display that post in a public place as representative of her views. That was her choice, and it is her responsibility to own the consequences of that.
Yes, it was also my decision to post the sarcastic response to it. I regret it now, certainly, because it's been so absurdly exploded out of proportion. And I didn't mean it to be so hurtful, just trying to point out the hypocrisy and lack of thought put into it. But she is hardly devoid of responsibility, and if you can't stop trying to excuse her of it, then you have truly lost sight of the moral backbone I once admired so much in you.

[thanks]
And you have it.

[it's totes okay for you to say sorry]
I never said it would be admitting to being "pathetic", and it's sadly telling that you assumed that was my concern.

[decisions]
Yes, it was your decision to give me an ultimatum. And therefore it was your decision to accept the consequences of your ultimatum. It was your decision to hold a great friendship hostage in order to blackmail me into grovelling for your forgiveness for something I do not believe I was wrong to do, nor of anything close to the significance that would warrant such an outrageous blow-up.

I apologised to [Girlfriend], the person you believe to be the injured party in this. I "acknowledged her sensitivities". We have discussed it and put it behind us. Perhaps you should consider her feelings on the matter.

[cracked friendship - this is where I burn all the bridges and spread napalm on the waters! :D]
God, look at yourself. Fine, whatever. Again, that is your decision, not mine. As usual, I hope that eventually you will change your mind. But for right now, all I really feel is a resounding "**** you, you sanctimonious twit. Get off your high horse and stop being a petty idiot."

A last question: why is it that I am required to take a step back from things that make me feel disgusted, angry and insulted, to consider carefully what they really meant - become a mind-reader, if you will - and spend half an hour articulating my thoughts in the most passive, non-confrontational way possible, and yet your girlfriend gets a pass for just copy-pasting a bit of ignorant, racist crap without any consideration or thought whatsoever? Just something to mull over.

[Boyfriend] has this to add: "I've dealt with racist and ignorant people in the past. Usually they don't respond to calm, well-reasoned arguments. Sometimes you have to use sarcasm to really punctuate your point and get through to them. From what I read, I had no reason to think [Girlfriend] was any different."

So. That's that, I guess.

Goddammit. I'm gonna miss my Boy like a bitch when I leave, but I can't wait to get out of here.

Damn... I should've added "I didn't say what I did out of "convenience". I said it out of belief, out of passion, and out of contempt for the views expressed. I likely would have said the exact same thing if it had happened in person."
Ah well.

[Alleine]

That's what the grabbing her attention on the way out for a quick convo is for - leading you up to asking her to something more convenient
But really, I wouldn't call it "weak". I'd call it... normal.

Well... butts. I was hoping there'd be a less nerve-wracking way of going about this. I guess I just have to man up and say something then huh? Damn...

[Coidzor]

And now for somethingsomeone completely different, I have recently(last week) met a girl on the internet. A few days ago I realised I had a crush on her, and now I'm kind of puzzled about what to do, as I doubt we know each other enough to be called even friends, with the internet and just a week thing. Supposing I want to turn this friendship into a more intimate relationship, when would be a good time to express my feelings?(Though I'm pretty sure this completely depends on the people, but perhaps there is a time too soon)

Good question. I've only really had that happen very often with people in my local area so I could very quickly take things offline... or people who I'd met briefly IRL and who then moved so that we only really got to actually know one another through online interactions... and it got me, I'd say about a quarter of the girlfriends I've had in this life so far.

If there's a large distance involved as well, or it's just simply unknown, my general reaction has been much like how I've dealt with the feelings I've developed for any other forumites. Ignored it until it'd leave me alone, or if I had to, casually telling them and letting the inevitable awkwardness of someone like me having feelings quash it.

My advice as far as when to tell if you actually want the potential for anything to grow from it would be after about 3 weeks to a month unless things start to get... involved~, so to speak, organically.

First most annoying thing in the world: drivers who don't slow down when nearing a pedestrian lane.

Oh man. You're right. Ack! Now I'm annoyed just remembering that.

[Arcane_Snowman]

Also, you may want to think about counselling. I've done individual and group therapy through my school, which have helped, even in the short time I've done each of them (~4 months of individual, and going on 3 months group now).

Yeah, I've been in and out of counselling for the last couple of years now, and finally managed to settle on the one who gave me the diagnosis of Asperger earlier this year.

Also, nice Archer Avatar :)

It's not like I don't socialise at all, I participate in one and a half real life roleplaying sessions a week (half because it's a fortnightly endeavour mostly) and the occasional meeting with another one of my friends with whom my contact is a bit more blotchy, by the same token, I'm attending a secondary school to prepare me for University, so it's not like I don't have random people with which to occasionally small-talk with either. However I would also like to expand my social circle beyond the roughly 10 people I spend my week with.

My initial question was less “help, I'm socially awkward” and more “do you know of some place to socialise, that's a bit geek friendly, because I'm a little awkward.” I know Serpentine suggested the Facebook page for GitP and Australasia in the Playground, and I guess that's more along the veins of what I'm looking for, I just don't know where to start with things like that.

[rogueboy]

My initial question was less “help, I'm socially awkward” and more “do you know of some place to socialise, that's a bit geek friendly, because I'm a little awkward.” I know Serpentine suggested the Facebook page for GitP and Australasia in the Playground, and I guess that's more along the veins of what I'm looking for, I just don't know where to start with things like that.

Ah, well then. Glad I could... tell you what you already knew? Pretty much any club at a university campus would be a good place to start, since there will be a mutual interest to fall back on, if nothing else. I know that a lot of universities, particularly the larger ones, don't require you to be a student there to participate in their clubs. Not sure what there is in Australia, but it may be worth looking into.

On a side note, I've found that if I embrace the things that make me semi-awkward, I do far better than if I try to avoid them. Yes, it means that some people don't want to hang out with me, but I'd rather not be forced to pretend to be someone I'm not in order to be friends with someone.

[Arcane_Snowman]

Ah, well then. Glad I could... tell you what you already knew? Pretty much any club at a university campus would be a good place to start, since there will be a mutual interest to fall back on, if nothing else. I know that a lot of universities, particularly the larger ones, don't require you to be a student there to participate in their clubs. Not sure what there is in Australia, but it may be worth looking into.

Well, I'd never really considered the cash-register banter before, and the university club idea is also good, even if I don't think there is any big universities in the vicinity of where I live.

On a side note, I've found that if I embrace the things that make me semi-awkward, I do far better than if I try to avoid them. Yes, it means that some people don't want to hang out with me, but I'd rather not be forced to pretend to be someone I'm not in order to be friends with someone.

Oh, I definitely agree, I've never wanted to be “normal” pretence or otherwise, because that'd ruin half the fun of being me.

[rogueboy]

Well, I'd never really considered the cash-register banter before, and the university club idea is also good, even if I don't think there is any big universities in the vicinity of where I live.

I hadn't either, until someone suggested it to me, but it definitely helped. I get the impression that we were/are in similar positions: it's not enough that we can't pass by as (psychologically) "normal" (whatever that means), but it is enough to make us aware that we're having to fight against something. The suggestion, at it's most basic, was essentially to just go out and talk to people, and any time that you can have a naturally controlled length and lack of needing to seem "normal" to them (aka, you'll probably never see them outside of that context) is a good opportunity. Also, it was pointed out to me that most people consider things like weather to be a perfectly reasonable topic of conversation, even if I see it as more of a "well, yeah, it's there, but why waste time talking about it?" (exceptions for things that you don't normally expect, like earthquakes or hurricanes). I'm still not so good at that part of it, but (I think) I'm better than I was with that.

Oh, I definitely agree, I've never wanted to be “normal” pretence or otherwise, because that'd ruin half the fun of being me.

Excellent! I enjoy arguing that "normal" is probably more accurately described as "abnormal", considering how much we differ in, well, everything. And really? Only half the fun? You're clearly doing something wrong

[Lord Loss]

@ ArcaneSnowman

Up until grade 8 and a half/9 I wasn't the person with the best social life and I was a person that, if I met today would probably detest. I'm in grade 10 at the moment and grew up in a somewhat similar fashion to you because a) I was constantly bullied, intimidated, beaten up and humiliated from grade 4-6 and had a few problems up until grade 9 (I solved them during that year). Furthermore, I grow two or three years slower than most people. Physically, I'm somewhere between 12 and 14 years of age and mentally, I lacked the maturity, attention span and other mental aspects of most my age. This is pretty much gone by now, but still. I also had an obsession with video games and D&D and had few other interests.

The trick to making friends is getting out of your comfort zone. You won't make many friends if you wait for people to talk to you or only talk to people who clearly have interests in common with you, example your D&D group.

For making friends/getting dates, school is a great place to meet friends. Socially, I'm very talkative around people I know, and self-concious and shy around those I don't. Strike up a conversation with someone if they seem interested in a topic you enjoy (you overhear them talking about it, or whatever).

Get out of the house! This is perhaps the best way to make new friends. Join some activity you like or think you might like. I made some of my best friends Kayaking. You'd be surpised how many like-minded individuals you meet all over the place. If you feel uncomfortable with this, talk to people at establishments in which you feel at home. The people at your local Friday Night Magic or Gamestop are clearly interested in similar things as you are and you'll naturally find yourself talking to them while playing a game or making a purchase/asking for advice.

Parties. I don't go to many crazy parties and those I host aren't that wild, but we still have fun. Invite friends, and let them, or ask them to bring their friends along (assuming your living space allows you to host parties, as an apartment or dorm probably isn't the best place to party). Not all parties have loud music and people going wild.

[CrimsonAngel]

Can somebody tell me why, whenever I say I think somebody is attractive, the first thing to come out of people's mouths is 'oh you should just rape him'? I guess that's supposed to be funny?

Seriously, every single time.

This seemed like the appropriate place to post this... /short rant