Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

[Sarco_Phage]

Can somebody tell me why, whenever I say I think somebody is attractive, the first thing to come out of people's mouths is 'oh you should just rape him'? I guess that's supposed to be funny?

Seriously, every single time.

I blame the internet.

Also, teenagers.

Also, disillusioned twentysomethings.

[onthetown]

Did the actual problems that started all this actually get dealt with?

We're going through them slowly. They'll come up as we're rebuilding after the fight, and I'll be vocal about them (and hopefully he will be too) instead of staying quiet and letting it all build up into an email.

*returns from the chicken farm*

God, I hate chickens.

[Coidzor]

I blame the internet.

I dunno. Generally the internet is at least somewhat good about having it be somewhat topical when they decide to look at the time. But, really, Pyramid Head stopped being funny, like... I think it was 2006....

Can somebody tell me why, whenever I say I think somebody is attractive, the first thing to come out of people's mouths is 'oh you should just rape him'? I guess that's supposed to be funny?

Seriously, every single time.

Sounds like either A. they're low quality people you shouldn't be associating with or B. they think quite poorly of you and/or others of your sexuality but won't say it to your face.

We're going through them slowly. They'll come up as we're rebuilding after the fight, and I'll be vocal about them (and hopefully he will be too) instead of staying quiet and letting it all build up into an email.

*returns from the chicken farm*

That is the most unusual euphemism I've encountered so far in this thread, I must admit. Kudos. Also, my brain hurts at trying to figure it out.

[onthetown]

That is the most unusual euphemism I've encountered so far in this thread, I must admit. Kudos. Also, my brain hurts at trying to figure it out.

No, I actually was at a chicken farm. I was housesitting out in the country and taking care of the wretched little cretins, something I've gotten used to but I swear that the farm would be better off without. But there were horses too, and my horse with them, so the pros outweigh the cons.

Does literal speaking help your brain figure it out?

[rogueboy]

That is the most unusual euphemism I've encountered so far in this thread, I must admit. Kudos. Also, my brain hurts at trying to figure it out.

Even though onthetown didn't intend it as a euphemism, I feel like we now need to make it a euphemism for something... anyone have any ideas?

And on a more topical note: welcome back onthetown, and good luck getting everything sorted out/moving forward.

[term1nally s1ck]

Well, given the usual meaning of choking your chicken, a chicken farm would obviously involve multiple chickens wandering around freely, in a place that they are allowed to be out in the open.

[Coidzor]

^: So a nudist oktoberfest then?

No, I actually was at a chicken farm. I was housesitting out in the country and taking care of the wretched little cretins, something I've gotten used to but I swear that the farm would be better off without. But there were horses too, and my horse with them, so the pros outweigh the cons.

Oh. So farms like that still exist, eh? I thought chickens were made in factories these days...

...Now I'm left wondering how horses get along with chickens. Or if they're even capable of recognizing their existence...

[Maralais]

Generally you want to ask her out before you become too good a friend. While it might be a bit too soon to ask her out, now is a perfect time to start giving a "crush"y vibe. After a week or so of casual flirting, you can do something a bit more serious. Also depends on how much of each other you're seeing, of course.

That's just my opinion, though.

Well, that's what I was thinking as well. I guess I'm not quite good at giving a flirty vibe to conversations(especially when the ability to talk nonsense thanks to the crush is present), but I'll try that.

Though currently there seems to be a lot of awkward silences, so either we are out of subjects to speak, or... I dunno. So I won't force myself to talk with her everyday or so till I find an actual subject.

Good question. I've only really had that happen very often with people in my local area so I could very quickly take things offline... or people who I'd met briefly IRL and who then moved so that we only really got to actually know one another through online interactions... and it got me, I'd say about a quarter of the girlfriends I've had in this life so far.

If there's a large distance involved as well, or it's just simply unknown, my general reaction has been much like how I've dealt with the feelings I've developed for any other forumites. Ignored it until it'd leave me alone, or if I had to, casually telling them and letting the inevitable awkwardness of someone like me having feelings quash it.

My advice as far as when to tell if you actually want the potential for anything to grow from it would be after about 3 weeks to a month unless things start to get... involved~, so to speak, organically.

She actually lives in a city close to the city where I go to school(I'm at a boarding school and the city is the biggest metropolis in Turkey, so almost everyone from other cities visit it), so it's not an across the ocean thing, but the me being in a boarding school and the start of the educational year will probably make it difficult to meet.

I have failed to understand the "involved"~ part.

[Feytalist]

Well, that's what I was thinking as well. I guess I'm not quite good at giving a flirty vibe to conversations(especially when the ability to talk nonsense thanks to the crush is present), but I'll try that.

Though currently there seems to be a lot of awkward silences, so either we are out of subjects to speak, or... I dunno. So I won't force myself to talk with her everyday or so till I find an actual subject.

That's been my problem in the past as well. I actually dealt with it by just talking about any old random thing that popped into my head. Luckily they thought it was cute rather than off-putting. It's also better than an awkward silence. Of course, it helped that I took a debating course while in high school.

As to the flirty vibe, I'm sure there are people here who can give you much better advice than I can. What works for me is a lot of eye-contact, frequent smiles (I advise the "slow smile": while she's speaking, hold eye contact and slowly give her a big smile. It works!) and, depending on your culture, light contact every now and then. My culture is quite conservative, so it's not a very good idea very often. Oh, and eeeeevery so often, a compliment or two. But like I said, there are better people than me here to help you with that.

[onthetown]

^: So a nudist oktoberfest then?

Oh. So farms like that still exist, eh? I thought chickens were made in factories days...

...Now I'm left wondering how horses get along with chickens. Or if they're even capable of recognizing their existence...

There's lots of chicken farms around here, but most of them are typical factory-like ones -- chickens piled in tiny cages on top of each other, wall to wall, etc.

This lady has 10 laying hens, had 30 meat chickens until last month, and those chickens live and lived a really good life. She just sells to friends and family, but I call it a chicken farm because that's what it is. Just a small little one. She also has 2 miniature horses, and I keep my (full-sized) horse there.

One of the minis likes to chase the chickens, so they stay away from him. My guy was terrified of them at first, but now he just stands and watches them and occasionally tries to sniff at them when they're nearby, but they're scared of him if he gets too close. The other mini doesn't really care about them one way or another.

They go out of town a couple of times a month and have a very active life for an older couple, so I stay at their place and take care of the horses and the evil chickens.

"Back from the chicken farm" could be the new euphemism for returning from an absence, here.

[DeadManSleeping]

Is there a difference between a miniature horse and a pony?

[term1nally s1ck]

Miniature horses are *much* smaller than ponies in general.

While technically, a miniature horse is indeed a pony (ponies being any horse below a certain height), they're usually seen as a separate category, and their genes are quite different.

[onthetown]

Miniature horses are *much* smaller than ponies in general.

While technically, a miniature horse is indeed a pony (ponies being any horse below a certain height), they're usually seen as a separate category, and their genes are quite different.

Actually, miniature horses aren't ponies... I don't have much to do with them, but I know that they're called miniature "horses" because, even though they're well within the height requirement for a pony, they tend to have physical features that seem more like a horse in miniature instead of a pony. Ponies tend to be sturdy and have distinct features to them that make them look like fuzzy adorable ponies (small ears, thick legs, and just generally a certain look to them), where as miniature horses have things like long legs (compared to their size) and are normally sized in proportion, so it's like taking a shrink ray to a horse. Though the way they've been breeding some of them, they're starting to look ugly as sin instead of like little horses...

Or something. I'm more of the full-sized horse lovers, but the little brats are quickly gaining my affection. Nothing says "pimp" like driving down the highway in a miniature horse-drawn cart.

TL;DR: Miniature horses aren't considered a pony breed, but are considered a horse breed.

Townie likes to ramble about horses. Oh no, I was hoping it wouldn't infiltrate my online talk too...

[term1nally s1ck]

Technically, ponies are defined as any horse that measures less than 14.2 hands at the withers when fully grown.

Most commonly, and in general parlance, ponies are separate breeds from horses. For competition purposes, the definition (which is the only technically defined one) is entirely height based.

EDIT: But I totally agree with you about the proper minis. The ones that look like a proper horse, but are tiny....SQUEEEEE

[onthetown]

Technically, ponies are defined as any horse that measures less than 14.2 hands at the withers when fully grown.

Most commonly, and in general parlance, ponies are separate breeds from horses. For competition purposes, the definition (which is the only technically defined one) is entirely height based.

EDIT: But I totally agree with you about the proper minis. The ones that look like a proper horse, but are tiny....SQUEEEEE

Yes, I knew about the height... It's just that they're classified as a horse breed despite that, because of the horse in miniature thing. It's all rubbish, the little guys are definitely ponies, but still...

SQUEEEEEE

[H Birchgrove]

I hope they don't get inferiority complex near ordinary horses, like small dogs get around larger dogs.

[onthetown]

I hope they don't get inferiority complex near ordinary horses, like small dogs get around larger dogs.

The little guy seems to think he's a regular horse. But the little girl only goes into heat for big guys and doesn't care about him. They could have their own post here, poor things.

[Coidzor]

Being unpersuasive sucks when one of your friends is refusing to leave the house or see anyone.

...I don't think there's anything that can really be said here beyond that though.

[DeadManSleeping]

If life were TV, you would provoke him to action by slapping the beer out of his hand, having an epic brawl, and showing him just how sad he's being through sheer testosterone.

Sadly, life isn't TV. Wish I could help.

[Coidzor]

Indeed. And then after telling me to go away she comes back about an hour later and asks if I'd be free to give her a hand to clean up the mess her apartment's gotten in from her distraught state.

Women are confusing.

[LaZodiac]

So, a friend of mine (realy an ex) has found someone of his own.

I feel jealous

[Coidzor]

So, a friend of mine (realy an ex) has found someone of his own.

I feel jealous

Jealousy makes sense, yeah. As long as you avoid the rage or having it consume you you should be able to kick this to the curb.

[LaZodiac]

Jealousy makes sense, yeah. As long as you avoid the rage or having it consume you you should be able to kick this to the curb.

I know, and this is really just a passing phase (I don't mind being alone) but sometimes, I just get wistful, you know?

[arguskos]

I know, and this is really just a passing phase (I don't mind being alone) but sometimes, I just get wistful, you know?

Yes, yes I know that feeling. Sympathies, LZ, sympathies.

In my own news, have any of you ever had to explain to someone else why their gender finds you undesirable (as it was explained to you by others in the past, obv)? It's an... eerie conversation.

[Coidzor]

... I hate blanking out on ideas of what to take someone out on a date on whenever I realize that I'd like to do so in the conversation.

So annoying.

[Vella_Malachite]

@Coidzor: Darn. Maybe you could think of some in the meantime, and ask the person out next time you see them?

@LaZodiac: *hugs*. You'll feel better soon, I hope.

Question: more friendship than relationship. A friend of mine is really down on herself. She doesn't believe that her friends want to spend time with her, or that we just do so out of pity. She doesn't think she'll pass uni, and she's absolutely certain she's a bother and a bore to everyone around her. I seem to have escaped the 'pity friend' group by inviting her around to my room for movies and generally being there, and I think a couple of other people have, too, although she still believes she's annoying us. At this point, all our reassurances aren't really working. She keeps rehashing the same issues over and over again. I think she may be having self-esteem issues from having moved into a college populated almost exclusively by those kids that got over 95 on their final Year 12 exams, and no longer being known by everyone.
She's honestly not annoying us too much, but she's getting to the stage where I'm getting a little worried about her, and in order to fit in, she's trying to banter with people like is normal for us, but she's not pulling it off, so she can come off as quite insulting - I think she's trying to be more like a couple of the guys in our group who pull that off with Refuge in Audacity, which she doesn't really have. We don't get offended, because we know here, but some jokes just go a little far. She's also claiming she doesn't care what other people think of her and then doing things in the name of 'not caring' that make her really insecure afterwards. I don't think she's going to start harming herself - she doesn't strike me as that sort of person, but I would like her to feel better about herself. Do any Playgrounders have advice?

TL;DR: I have a friend with some self-esteem issues. Any advice to help her feel better?

[Form]

So, a friend of mine (realy an ex) has found someone of his own.

I feel jealous

I understand this feeling. I get a little bit jealous myself as well when I hear about/see someone else get together with someone.

Just as long as you don't let it dictate your actions or affect your behaviour and don't focus on it, it shouldn't be a problem though. You may not have much control over your initial emotional response, but you do over your reaction to it.

[H Birchgrove]

In my own news, have any of you ever had to explain to someone else why their gender finds you undesirable (as it was explained to you by others in the past, obv)? It's an... eerie conversation.

You mean you had to explain to a homo- or bisexual person why a heterosexual person of the same gender or sex wouldn't find that person attractive?

Or did I misunderstand you completely?

[arguskos]

You mean you had to explain to a homo- or bisexual person why a heterosexual person of the same gender or sex wouldn't find that person attractive?

Or did I misunderstand you completely?

Actually, they were heterosexual too. The situation was this:
-Female het friend and I are talking about relationships. She comments "I'm not sure why you don't have a girlfriend."
-Me: "Trust me, there's reasons."
-Her: "Really? Tell me."
-Me: "..."

So I did. It was an eerie experience, lemme tell ya what. Note that the reasons are unimportant (in that they're not stuff I can discuss here due to recent rule changes; it's all stuff that I should be [and am working on] talking to professionals about). Just wondering who else has had to do this.

[H Birchgrove]

Actually, they were heterosexual too. The situation was this:
-Female het friend and I are talking about relationships. She comments "I'm not sure why you don't have a girlfriend."
-Me: "Trust me, there's reasons."
-Her: "Really? Tell me."
-Me: "..."

So I did. It was an eerie experience, lemme tell ya what. Note that the reasons are unimportant (in that they're not stuff I can discuss here due to recent rule changes; it's all stuff that I should be [and am working on] talking to professionals about). Just wondering who else has had to do this.

I see (I think). No, something like that hasn't happened to me, not yet anyway. I suppose women find me either being not social enough or too overweight. I know I can do something about the latter, and I'm trying to do something about the former.