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  1. - Top - End - #811
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    H Birchgrove's Avatar

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    No, the issue is PR, the root of the PR issue is history. People have abused this in the past while the alternative has not only survived in competition with polygamy, but has even been partially redeemed.



    Referencing sleeping around and how it reminds people of cheating and sleeping around, I believe.
    Quote Originally Posted by DeadManSleeping View Post
    The entire point of monogamy (or, perhaps a new word might be accurate: monoamory) is that you are only in a romantic relationship with one person at a time. Any unapproved deviance from that is a betrayal of trust. Any approved deviance from that basically falls under polyamory (it's a VERY inclusive word). As such, any polyamory where active consent is required is weird, and polyamory where consent is assumed is no different than cheating.

    Like I said, this isn't my personal view on polyamory. It's just what I extrapolate from basic ideals. It's hard for the human mind to accept that different people are made happy by different things, and as the scope gets broader (love and career as opposed to favorite foods and TV shows), it gets even harder to comprehend. It's not an issue of intentional narrow-mindedness or discrimination. People who find polyamory distasteful are, quite literally, unable to comprehend how it could make anyone happy, or how it could be fulfilling.

    And then there are plenty of people who just don't understand what falls under polyamory. Some people think "an open relationship" doesn't count because it's still MOSTLY the two of them. Some people think "only for kinky stuff" doesn't count because it's just sex.

    I hope this helps end your confusion.
    Thanks, I understand it better now. I may still need to ponder on it some more (if I should discuss it further).
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  2. - Top - End - #812
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    @term1nally_s1ck: Could be she's turning the date into incentive to help her stop procrastinating on schoolwork. But either way, you'd not be the first person who was genuinely turned down for no other reason than that your potential date just had too much to get done.

  3. - Top - End - #813
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    NecromancerGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by DeadManSleeping View Post
    @term1nally_s1ck: Could be she's turning the date into incentive to help her stop procrastinating on schoolwork. But either way, you'd not be the first person who was genuinely turned down for no other reason than that your potential date just had too much to get done.
    oh god I ****ing hate that.

    Because you always hear them moaning on facebook later about how much time they've wasted watching porn of people who spend too much time on lolcats instead of doing the work that's keepingthem from doing anything with another person in the first place, but not from wasting time.

    Or, worse, talking unabashedly on fbook with their female friends about their wank material, like it's ok to do so in a public place just because the material isn't openly marketing itself as such. Or because they're privileged and it's ok just because they aren't men. Sexists.
    Last edited by Coidzor; 2011-10-30 at 06:24 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
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  4. - Top - End - #814
    Colossus in the Playground
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    ...watching porn of people who spend too much time on lolcats
    That's some seriously niche porn

    More to the point: Seriously, Coidzor? Sounds like you've had a bad, and weird, experience, but then to make sweeping generalisations about how "they" "always" do that? Wow.

    In any case, even if "they" did do that, that doesn't make them hypocrites or sexist () or anything like that. Procrastinating with lolcats when you're meant to be working is, at least psychologically, very, very different to conciously setting aside several hours to definitely not do any work.

  5. - Top - End - #815
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    NecromancerGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Serpentine View Post
    That's some seriously niche porn
    Indeed, is so niche, I still don't think it's been properly rule 34'd. Oh vell. I ain't gonna look to confirm for ya, risk you'll have to take for yourself if you really wanna know one ways or the other.

    Quote Originally Posted by Serpentine View Post
    More to the point: Seriously, Coidzor? Sounds like you've had a bad, and weird, experience, but then to make sweeping generalisations about how "they" "always" do that? Wow.
    What can I say? I'm an extremely bitter, misanthropic, horrible person. And I thought it was an amusing interlude. That's a double whammy of irresistibility!

    ...Actually, this reminds me. I haven't been able to make you smile in like a year now. ...This kinda makes me sad. I'm sorry I'm not funny anymore. I'm trying to get whatever it was I lost back, but I have no idea what it is that's changed.

    Quote Originally Posted by Serpentine View Post
    In any case, even if "they" did do that, that doesn't make them hypocrites or sexist () or anything like that.
    It's kinda playing to the ballgame definition of sexist to believe it is ok for women to talk about their "habits" in public but not for men, because men are nasty and bad and vile. So I don't know why you're defending such a stance.

    Quote Originally Posted by Serpentine View Post
    Procrastinating with lolcats when you're meant to be working is, at least psychologically, very, very different to conciously setting aside several hours to definitely not do any work.
    Still an annoying thing. Especially on the wall of the guy you just shot down.

    And it doesn't really matter what's going on in their minds psychological like, it's still damned annoying to have to watch and be expected to not make an observation upon, especially when they make a chronic habit of doing so.

    Because, honestly, I don't know what planet they're from, but friends generally make observations about one another's foibles. Comes from paying enough attention to them.
    Last edited by Coidzor; 2011-10-30 at 06:42 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Homebrew
    To Do: Reboot and finish Riptide

  6. - Top - End - #816
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    I do agree that it's unfair that female sexuality is "empowering" and male sexuality is "creepy" (fun fact: this sort of thing is why "masculism" exists), but flinging about wild accusations at the female sex about their procrastination habits is a bit uncalled for. And it's not terribly funny either.

  7. - Top - End - #817
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    NecromancerGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by DeadManSleeping View Post
    I do agree that it's unfair that female sexuality is "empowering" and male sexuality is "creepy" (fun fact: this sort of thing is why "masculism" exists), but flinging about wild accusations at the female sex about their procrastination habits is a bit uncalled for. And it's not terribly funny either.
    I'm sorry to hear that. And I really enjoyed our interactions together too.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Homebrew
    To Do: Reboot and finish Riptide

  8. - Top - End - #818
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    It takes more than a poorly-done joke to make me want to stop talking to people, dude.

    Here's some general relationship advice for all y'all in this thread, Letter to the Princess style. Everyone on the freaking planet says stupid things. We all have bad days. There are times when even the best person is mean, petty, ignorant, whatever negative attribute you can name. But unlike most primates, humans are actually wired to like as many other humans as possible (it's frightening to think that our war-torn world is actually idealistic compared to the social lives of chimpanzees or other great apes, but it's true). People are often willing to overlook the bad, to forgive what cannot be overlooked, and even to tolerate what cannot be forgiven. If we can swallow our pride and our doubt (gag-reflex suppression: it has many uses ), a simple apology and an honest attempt to reach out can repair bridges we think burnt to cinders. And a bit of time can help the wounds heal, and the mixed metaphors to settle back into separate layers.

    In short, it might not be true that friendship can survive anything. But it can survive a hell of a lot.

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    I'm sure someone out there needs to hear this. If you know someone who needs to hear this, let them hear it. Life's too damn short to think that your friend will hate you forever just because you said naughty things when you drunk-dialed them last night.

  9. - Top - End - #819
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Well, I just crossed a line that I never thought I would and I figured I would share it: I responded to my first personal ad. Six months ago I moved from a very large population area to a very small one, and as busy as I am and with few single women in my age range (mid-20s to early 30s) to meet around here and none that I've met who have been who I'm looking for, I just decided I had to give something else a try.

    After a bad experience with eHarmony I decided I wouldn't do the internet thing anymore, but I just don't feel I have many other options here. So, I replied to someone who's at least only about a 2-hour drive away, which isn't bad for rural America. I'm very leary of replying to anything on Craigslist, it seems like at least half the posts are spammers or scammers and most of the other half are semi-literate at best, but the one I replied to was very well written and thoughtful, if a bit emo. I guess we'll see what happens.
    Currently playing: Jathal Darsha'an; Linie

  10. - Top - End - #820
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Gah. One of my friends has a habit of going for the same girls I do, and losing. This is currently happening for the third or fourth time, and he's feeling a bit bitter about it. Is there anything I can do or say to ease the sting some?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalirren View Post
    The only person in the past two pages who has known what (s)he has been talking about is Heliomance.
    Quote Originally Posted by golentan View Post
    I just don't want to have long romantic conversations or any sort of drama with my computer, okay? It knows what kind of porn I watch. I don't want to mess that up by allowing it to judge any of my choices in romance.

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  11. - Top - End - #821
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Heliomance View Post
    Gah. One of my friends has a habit of going for the same girls I do, and losing. This is currently happening for the third or fourth time, and he's feeling a bit bitter about it. Is there anything I can do or say to ease the sting some?
    Apologize, and know when it might be best to back off. If you see that your buddy is interested in a girl, don't move in. If you've already started before he starts, and she's already shown interest, then apologize to him, but mention that it is too late, and that it isn't your fault if you didn't know.

    I've been through that crap before...
    -Odentin

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    Odentin: Wait. Weren't we going to stop off in the capital and murder the emperor?
    Bladecutter: We might as well, it's on the way.
    GM: "We might was well" has never been used in that way!
    Bladecutter: Well, we really don't like him...

  12. - Top - End - #822
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Certainly in this case, and I think in previous cases as well, we both met the girl at the same time, and I simply sparked chemistry faster. Or at all. Much as I like the guy, he's not terribly socially ept - he's something of the stereotypical overweight geek.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalirren View Post
    The only person in the past two pages who has known what (s)he has been talking about is Heliomance.
    Quote Originally Posted by golentan View Post
    I just don't want to have long romantic conversations or any sort of drama with my computer, okay? It knows what kind of porn I watch. I don't want to mess that up by allowing it to judge any of my choices in romance.

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  13. - Top - End - #823
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    NecromancerGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Heliomance View Post
    Gah. One of my friends has a habit of going for the same girls I do, and losing. This is currently happening for the third or fourth time, and he's feeling a bit bitter about it. Is there anything I can do or say to ease the sting some?
    Tell him to stop being creepy and going after girls after you've already started going after them and mentioned this to him, as that's his party foul and not yours.

    If he's not doing it after you develop an interest in them and start going after them, then I dunno. Whatever guy bonding ritual seems necessary, I suppose.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Homebrew
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  14. - Top - End - #824
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    In this case, it might be best to play wingman for him, try to help him get with a girl or two. Make a show of helping him out, so he feels a little less bitter.
    -Odentin

    Quote Originally Posted by Skype
    Odentin: Wait. Weren't we going to stop off in the capital and murder the emperor?
    Bladecutter: We might as well, it's on the way.
    GM: "We might was well" has never been used in that way!
    Bladecutter: Well, we really don't like him...

  15. - Top - End - #825
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Lizardfolk

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    Whatever guy bonding ritual seems necessary, I suppose.
    Watching Top Gun?

    More seriously Heliomance, although I've never had quite the same problem as yours, I find it helpful to do something "friendship re-affirming" whenever one of my friends and I have an issue. It's helpful to do something you both enjoy, realize you both enjoy it, and then get back to being friends.

  16. - Top - End - #826
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    Tell him to stop being creepy and going after girls after you've already started going after them and mentioned this to him, as that's his party foul and not yours.

    If he's not doing it after you develop an interest in them and start going after them, then I dunno. Whatever guy bonding ritual seems necessary, I suppose.
    "Going after" may possibly be not quite the right turn of phrase. "Being interested in" maybe? On hearing that things were progressing between us, his reaction was "It was inevitable. You got there first. Again. "
    Last edited by Heliomance; 2011-10-30 at 07:30 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalirren View Post
    The only person in the past two pages who has known what (s)he has been talking about is Heliomance.
    Quote Originally Posted by golentan View Post
    I just don't want to have long romantic conversations or any sort of drama with my computer, okay? It knows what kind of porn I watch. I don't want to mess that up by allowing it to judge any of my choices in romance.

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  17. - Top - End - #827
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    NecromancerGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Gotta run in the race to have a shot at the prize. :/
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
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  18. - Top - End - #828
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by H Birchgrove View Post
    All this talk about flirting with persons who already have mates brings me back to my old pet peeve:

    Why can't (gender-equal) polygamy & polyfidelity be more socially acceptable?
    From my observations of many, many polyamorous folks and their other observers, the issue isn't the gender equality (or lack thereof.) The issue is that polyamory itself is seen as polygamy, which is seen as only the religious extreme where they marry children.

    On a related subject, I've noticed that an oft-overlooked part of the family to consider in discussions of polyamory is the children. When I was younger, I was best friends with a girl whose parents were poly. She was constantly upset and lashing out at said parents and their external partners. It's an interesting balancing act.
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  19. - Top - End - #829
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Sholos View Post
    Maybe I'm overreacting, though. The most recent thing that happened is I was exchanging messages with a woman actually around my age (hard to find since I'm an overaged undergrad). I mentioned a club I was in that seemed relevant to her interests. She expressed interest, and then when she couldn't make it was sorry that she couldn't and asked if we met every week. I confirmed that we meet weekly, then mentioned a board game group I'm in and asked if she'd be interested. Didn't hear back. Sent another message a day before the next meeting of the club because she said she'd want to come. Didn't hear back. It's now been a full week since I last heard anything from her. Maybe I'm overreacting and she just hasn't had time to even send a quick message saying she's really busy. Though I find that hard to believe because a week ago she said she had the next week and a half free. So it must have been something I did, but I can't figure out what. I'm going to get a woman's perspective on this (at some point, no real good opportunities in the near future), but right now I'm just feeling more and more like there's something inherent to me that drives people off.
    Okay, since this is the part that I actually really wanted answered, and I didn't hear anything about it.... One more time!
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  20. - Top - End - #830
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    NecromancerGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    So I'm guessing that in the time that has passed, when you'd ordinarily encounter this person has also come up and they've either avoided you or given you the cold shoulder?
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Homebrew
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  21. - Top - End - #831
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    So I'm guessing that in the time that has passed, when you'd ordinarily encounter this person has also come up and they've either avoided you or given you the cold shoulder?
    More like I just haven't heard from her at all. Not even an "I'm not interested in talking with you anymore." To clarify, this isn't someone I ordinarily run in to in the first place. We were talking online, etc, and then just full stop. Nothing. Oh well...
    Tali avatar by the talented Thormag.

  22. - Top - End - #832
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    NecromancerGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by Sholos View Post
    More like I just haven't heard from her at all. Not even an "I'm not interested in talking with you anymore." To clarify, this isn't someone I ordinarily run in to in the first place. We were talking online, etc, and then just full stop. Nothing. Oh well...
    Ah. Had something like that happen to me as well after the girl asked me out to frozen yogurt then canceled on that and ramped it up to a full dinner date this past summer.

    I was advised to forget about her entirely and more or less chewed out at length for being bad for daring to feel the sexist sentiment of being put out by her behavior and creepy for wanting some way of confirming the situation.

    Move on, delete her from your contacts, and go from there. If it's been over a week and she hasn't even tried contacting you, it's best to take it as a wash, since that's just the way life is as a roughly man-shaped object in people's eyes.

    And women are taught that men all are powder kegs about to throw a temper tantrum, so avoiding confrontation is par for the course for how they're acculturated. Since there's no way for their rudeness to be called on without the person calling them on it having already lost by confirming that they're creepy and bad.

    So, there doesn't even need to be anything actually wrong with you per se to get that kind of response.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Homebrew
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  23. - Top - End - #833
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    So, an interesting question, and please don't get too gory. I was talking to my GF the other night and she was just about to start her period (like, within the next 24 hours). I asked her if she was getting crampy or achy, and she said, action, no. She told me that for the last 5-6 months (we've been dating for 8-9?), she's had almost no PMS issues at all. This coming from a woman who used to have CRIPPLINGLY bad PMS symptoms that would sometimes leave her bedridden for a day each month at least.

    We were trying to think of why this was, and the only thing we could think of was our very active sex life. We regularly commit to 4-6 sessions of adult fun time per week, and she is almost always satisfied (often times 2-4 times each).

    Is it true? Have I cured her PMS with my awesomeness? Or is it meerly a coincidence? I'm curious if anyone else has experienced this? She's currently not on any hormonal birth control (she's fixed), if that matters.
    Quote Originally Posted by Fax Celestis View Post
    AILHAY THULUCAY! AILHAY THULUCAY! AILHAY THULUCAY!
    _________________________________
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  24. - Top - End - #834
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    When did she get fixed? What else about her life may have changed (sometime between when you started dating and when she stopped having problems)? I'm sure you're wonderful, but I've never heard of Vitamin O being any good for alleviating menstruation-related issues.

  25. - Top - End - #835
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    She got fixed...5ish years ago? Her youngest is around 5.5 years old, and I'm pretty sure she got fixed shortly thereafter. Can't think of any big lifestyle changes other than that. Maybe an increased activity level from all of the sex? That doesn't make too much sense, though, since she was a pretty active hiker and dancer before we met, so its not a huge increase in her activity level.

    I dunno...Vitamin O is pretty effective at relieving headaches...why not cramps?
    Quote Originally Posted by Fax Celestis View Post
    AILHAY THULUCAY! AILHAY THULUCAY! AILHAY THULUCAY!
    _________________________________
    A beholder’s favorite foods include small live mammals, exotic mushrooms and other fungi, gnomes, beef, pork, colorful leafy vegetables, leaves, flower petals, insects, and birds.

  26. - Top - End - #836
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Has her diet been the same? Nutrition has a huge influence on that sort of thing.

    All I know is that I know someone else who had the same problem, and from what I could tell, getting involved in a sexual relationship did nothing for her.

  27. - Top - End - #837
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    NecromancerGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Quote Originally Posted by DeadManSleeping View Post
    When did she get fixed? What else about her life may have changed (sometime between when you started dating and when she stopped having problems)? I'm sure you're wonderful, but I've never heard of Vitamin O being any good for alleviating menstruation-related issues.
    I've heard Treasure Type O can help lessen the severity of certain things, but I've never heard of it working on all of them or with complete efficacy. Mostly in the way it can relieve stress and relieving stress can help with a fair bit of the more psychosomatic parts of the process.



    The timing also seems a bit suspect, since you had seemed to indicate that the pair of you had started having frequent liaisons from the get go, but that might be more my memory and reading comprehension tripping up over one another.

    The most vague possibility seems like it might be the start of the start of menopause, but I don't recall enough about what that's like beyond that women who have had lifelong issues with it suddenly start to have less and less until they no longer have the thing that gave the issues in the first place.

    This also has issues, at least, if I'm recalling her age-range correctly, but then I might be misremembering the other age range, or, more likely, both.
    Last edited by Coidzor; 2011-11-03 at 04:44 PM.
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  28. - Top - End - #838
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Yea, I was also thinking about timing, but I've kinda justified that in my head with the fact that it might take a couple of cycles to really make much difference. Having a sex filled weekend isn't gonna make much difference, while reporting a quarter of record profits is quite another.

    Or could it be just that she is simply happier? We have a great relationship. We've never had a fight, let alone even an arguement. Could it be that her cramps were caused by stress and/or boarderline depression, and since those factors have been nearly completely removed since we've been together?
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    AILHAY THULUCAY! AILHAY THULUCAY! AILHAY THULUCAY!
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  29. - Top - End - #839
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Vitamin O? Is that what people call intercourse these days?

    Vasectomy scares me. As a concept.
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  30. - Top - End - #840
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

    Well, more accurately, it's what I think to be a funny name for orgasms.

    While I'm not sure why you're scared of a vasectomy (seriously, the thing they snip has one function: making you fertile), they're coming out with a new treatment where they just plug it up with a polymer that can be removed with another injection, easy as pie. No scissors! Just needles.

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