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  1. - Top - End - #1021
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    BlackDragon

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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    Okay then, night and thanks for your help.

  2. - Top - End - #1022
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    BlueKnightGuy

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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    One "helpful note", and one critique.

    Note: Keep in mind, Bankai training is supposed to take years. Supposed it takes something like 10 years to manifest your sword spirit, after which you have to defeat it in one manner or another (likely a manner of the sword's choosing). Of course, it can take several decades/centuries to reach the level of power necessary to start trying to manifest.
    So while him being frustrated is understandable, it's not something one should reasonably expect to just suddenly break through on. Shoot, the Captain of the 12th doesn't have Bankai yet! But that's okay, he has SCIENCE!!!

    Critique: Your Arrancar has far too many special abilities and attacks outside of her release state. That list of sonic attacks reads more like the attack list off of a Resurrección. Honestly, while modeling Stark's release method is interesting, keep in mind both he and Lilynette had plain swords at their disposal (hard to say how, but they did).
    It's one thing to stretch things to say "my sword is made of my blood, which is a distinct creature!", and another to say it gives you a whole bunch of special attacks.
    BitPRR Characters: Entries Masaru, Chuck, Thomas, Turiel, and Masamune

  3. - Top - End - #1023
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    BlackDragon

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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    Thanks for the critiques. For the Jiro one, I know that. But remember what I said about Jiro in his description. He calls himself the 'Man who will surpass God!' He holds himself to unreasonable standards can keeps working when he can't meet them. Kind of like how a drill Sargent will yell at you for not being able to do tasks you should not be able to do. It makes you work harder.

    For Kyoki I can take off her sonic attacks, but the blood attacks would have to stay as her blood is her most interesting feature. Though I guess if it is really to much trouble I could move those to her Resurrección and make her madness powers a bit more focused.

  4. - Top - End - #1024
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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    You take to critiques surprisingly well. You sure you haven't played PbP before?
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    I met a girl with a really pensive look. I walk up to her, put a fifty cent coin in her hand, "For your thoughts. I know the going rate is supposed to be one, but I figure you play hardball."

    She gave it back, "Keep it. Pretty sure a guy with your charm can find a way to have them for free anyway."

  5. - Top - End - #1025
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    BlackDragon

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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    I'm a regular player in the twilight lynching games. We have our own Tvtropes page. However I'm trying to branch out and you all have been very helpful. The least I can do is be respectful.

    So Kuroimaken what do you think of Jiro and Kyoki. Oh yeah, fun fact Kyoki means madness in Japanese. At least that's what Google translator said.

  6. - Top - End - #1026
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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    I like Kyoki. Interesting idea.

    And when my Arrancar, Ivaz, find out about her...well, she might take a liking to Kyoki. Mostly, she'll want to keep stabbing Kyoki to see her blood.

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  7. - Top - End - #1027
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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sucrose View Post

    ...What is she? I can smell nothing from her. Surely... surely Emet-taicho cannot reproduce?
    Sucrose. Bravo. That is all.

  8. - Top - End - #1028
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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    Yeah I could see that happening. Cause Kyoki is a defensive type. She really doesn't car about people hurting her. Getting through her Hierro is really tough make her bleed. Getting through her Hierro and her Black Blood is a whole nother ball park. Plus I really like the idea of a Arrancar that gets bullied and heckled by her weapon. Even if it is technically a part of her.

  9. - Top - End - #1029
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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    @AnimeKid: a note on Jiro's personality: Zaraki Kenpachi indeed doesn't exist in our continuity. The two closest equivalents would be Kenpachi Hiroki (read 11th history here), who was the last of Kenpachis - and Hannibal Magalhães, who was the Captain after him and similarly stubborn and aggressive.

    Of course, he could also idolize Seiko Yukimura, 11th's current Lieutenant and Acting Captain; he was pretty Kenpachi-like before some key character development took place.
    "It's the fate of all things under the sky,
    to grow old and wither and die."

  10. - Top - End - #1030
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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    I haven't checked in-depth, but a few things.

    The correct sentence is "Provoca el final".

    And Google translate isn't the best tool for this. Kichigai is closer to the one you're looking for.

    I got a whole bunch of stuff to do, but that's my fifty yen for now.
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    I met a girl with a really pensive look. I walk up to her, put a fifty cent coin in her hand, "For your thoughts. I know the going rate is supposed to be one, but I figure you play hardball."

    She gave it back, "Keep it. Pretty sure a guy with your charm can find a way to have them for free anyway."

  11. - Top - End - #1031
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    BlackDragon

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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    Hey guys, I'm thinking about what KnightDisciple said and I'm thinking about taking his advice. Which abilities should I move to Kyoki's released state, her sonic attacks or her blood attacks?

  12. - Top - End - #1032
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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    Given that her sword is her blood, sonic.
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    I met a girl with a really pensive look. I walk up to her, put a fifty cent coin in her hand, "For your thoughts. I know the going rate is supposed to be one, but I figure you play hardball."

    She gave it back, "Keep it. Pretty sure a guy with your charm can find a way to have them for free anyway."

  13. - Top - End - #1033
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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    Quote Originally Posted by Frozen_Feet View Post
    Of course, he could also idolize Seiko Yukimura, 11th's current Lieutenant and Acting Captain; he was pretty Kenpachi-like before some key character development took place.
    Idolizing the man who is renowned for having idiotic contests with Karite?

    Yeah. Go for it.
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  14. - Top - End - #1034
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    BlackDragon

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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    Okay made the final changes. So are they good enough that I can join the game now?

  15. - Top - End - #1035
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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    So, Absalon is just waiting on Inoue, I thought about it, and I think he could take at least one gauntlet to the face. Junichiro is waiting on Daisuke, or are you waiting on me? Takeru is just sorta there, doing some Takeru-y stuff.

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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    Quote Originally Posted by AnimeKid View Post
    Okay made the final changes. So are they good enough that I can join the game now?
    Could you perhaps make a fresh post with the newest version of each character in it?
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  17. - Top - End - #1037
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    BlackDragon

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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    Okay then

    Atabane Jiro, 11th Division, 9th seat

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    Name: Atabane Jiro (Last, first)
    Gender: Male
    Height: 5'11
    Weight: 195 pounds
    Hair: Pure white
    Eyes: Magenta
    Age Actual/Apparent: 138/19
    Reiatsu/Speech: Orange
    Division: 11
    Seat: 9th

    Appearance
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    Jiro looks fairly well kept if a little different in his choice of style. He wears the traditional shinigami uniform only it is black with a red trim. Usually he is found with his coat off and wrapped around his waist leaving only his pure white vest on underneath. He stays out in the sun a lot so his skin is a caramel color bordering on mocca. His hair is naturally spiked up but so much that it looks ridiculous.



    Personality
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    To say the least Jiro is LOUD! He can talk normally sure, but if he gets excited or emotional about something he will be loud about it. However the thing that people most remember about Jiro are his aspiring bordering on arrogant proclamations. His most famously used one is 'I am the man who shall surpass God!' It is a form of inspiration to himself to push himself further in his training and a way to let people know that he is willing to work himself to the bone to reach the top.

    He usually calms down in the presence of friends but not fully. He has the advantage of being willing to be friends with someone he first meets even if he knows nothing about them. Basically he wears his heart on his sleeves. He often makes it known that idolizes the shinigami Seiko Yukimura.


    History
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    Jiro had always known that he was built for combat. The adrenaline rush he got whenever he clocked someone, the exhilaration he felt when he disarmed and opponent with his sword. Nothing could ever beat those things. That's why he only bothered learning the basic kido when he could. He was still respectful of how other people did things, it's just that he felt his happiest and most fulfilled in close quarters combat. So he trained himself every day with thousands of exercises, kata's, and stances. Eventually he managed to get into the only division he could see himself being a part of, division 11.

    He continued to work hard to reach his position even discovering a technique that he could call his own by accident. He called the technique Lethal Injection. It was rather simple in execution really. All you had to do was gather your reiatsu in you fist and upon impact with an opponent send the reiatsu slamming into them like an internal sludge hammer. The thing that made it so difficult was that it was a costly technique. Even Jiro who had an unusually large reiatsu could only use the technique about 7 times per day, and that's if he didn't use any other techniques.


    Zanpakuto: Tachiagari sutā (Rising Star)

    Zanpakuto Release Phrase: Dare mo anata no kagayaki kagayaki o miseru (Show everyone your shining brilliance)

    Zanpakuto Spirit
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    Rising Star appears as a beautiful young woman that looks to be about 23 in age. She is tall, about 6'2 in height and is almost always smiling. In comparison to Jiro's boisterous nature she is naturally shy and quiet. She has blond hair that is in a pony tail that comes down to her waist and she has pale skin. She wears a traditional kimono and acts as a buffer for Jiro's personality. She is almost constantly talking to him and in fact spends most of the day talking to him. She is often in her room which has a variety of weapons on it's walls. She also greatly appreciates Jiro because she knows that he strives to be strong not only for his sake but for her's as well because he promised her that he would make her the Shining Star of the Soul Society, a Zanpakuto among Zanpakuto's


    Inner World
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    Jiro's inner world is a city that has a few buildings around and at the center of the city is a huge magnificent palace. It is here that Rising Star resides or as he calls her 'Tachi-chan'. The Palace manages to look elegant and beautiful without being gaudy with the exterior being lightly decorated with white gold and some silver. The glass structure on it make it glow magnificently in the sunlight.


    Unreleased State
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    It is a simple yet beautifully crafted Kusari-gama. The chains have a length of at least 50 ft and the blades are slightly longer. However Tachi-chan has an unusual ability, form-shifting. The kusari-gama can become a ninja blade that has a 1'6 blade that is meant to be reverse wielded and a smoke-bomb mode.


    Shikai
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    Tachi-chan becomes a beautiful black katana that is about 4'5 in length. When she takes this form she and Jiro gain a boost to reiatsu and he gains the power to control and create shadows. Jiro also gains spiraling black tatto's near his eyes. They don't do anything except make him look cool. The blade has a traditional 5-point star guard.

    This stage comes with new forms as Tachi-chan can now turn into a Zanbatou and a two handed Axe.


    Bankai: Yeah he is still working on that and his yells of frustration are the melody that many people in the Soul Society have come accustomed to.
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    Raijingu chōshinsei sutā: Rising supernova star.
    In this form Tachi-chan becomes a beautiful scythe with a black handle and a pure white blade. The shaft constantly adjust itself so that it can keep moving at all times. This weapon however has one last form change.
    Special ability: It can turn into a ball of pure shining light that can enter Jiro's body to essientially turn him into a super sayain (Hyperbole). It increases his strength and speed drastically and allow him some measure of enhance skin for barehanded blade blocks. However this form has a limit of 1-2 minutes before he has to go back to scythe mode with his regular shadow powers which have also been enhanced. When he uses bankai his regular uniform becomes a black training gi arm guards and sneakers, along with fingerless gloves.



    Favored Kido
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    When it comes to Kido Jiro only knows the basics. However there is one particularly strong Kido that he can do, and it took him 40 years to learn it. He can do it without the incantation but only when he is using his shikai. The kido technique is #88 Hiryūgekizokushintenraihō-Fires a gigantic electricity blast of spiritual energy resulting in a truly enormous explosion..
    Others
    Bakudo 1: Sai (Restrain):Locks a target's arms in place behind their back
    # Hado 1: Sho (Thrust): Pushes the target away from the caster.
    # Hado 4: Byakurai (Pale Lightning): The user fires a concentrated, powerful lightning bolt from their finger.


    Battle Stats
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    Physical Strength: [70] For being a seat level shinigami Jiro is known to have freakish strength. It is one of the things he prides himself on most.
    Offense: [80] Jiro has great offensive capabilities due to his constant training and practicing with different weapons. However this means that he does not specialise in many of them. However his best skill is hand to hand combat.
    Defense: [30] Jiro's defense comes mostly from dodging and not so much from being actually good at defense. It is purely his speed that helps him.
    Mobility: [80] Jiro's speed is another thing that he is extremly proud of. He is quite fast without shunpo and with it he becomes a lean mean fighting machine. In fact he is so proud of his strength and speed that he calls himself 'Lightning Bruiser Jiro'.
    Intelligence: [30] Jiro is of average intelligence. He can make a good tactical decision once in a while but prefers to just straight up charge and fight the enemy. He generally has a distaste for those who rub their intelligence in other peoples faces.
    Kido/reiatsu: [75] Jiro has a buttload of reiatsu but manly uses it for fighting. His kido spells mostly work because he put so much reiatsu into them. He had to practice for many years to learn # 88 and he can only use that one when he is using his Shikai! This is thanks to his abysmal control. If it weren't for Tachi-chan constantly coaching him on control he wouldn't even be able to do shunpo most likely.
    Total:365



    How does this work?

    Now my Arrancar character

    Kyoki, Rank unknown

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    Gender: Female
    Age: ???
    Weight: 115
    Height: 5'5
    Reiatsu: Deep Purple and of great strength, feels crushing and overwhelming when she lets go.
    Aspect of Death: Madness

    Appearance
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    Kyoki is of a slim build she is quite thin almost like a model. she has plum colored hair in a traditional female bob cut. She wears a black robe that comes down to her ankles. She almost always has a look of confused sorrow on her face. Very rarely does she ever smile.


    Personality
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    Kyoki is nigh emotionless when it comes to her everyday life. Not because she chooses to be but rather because she doesn't know what emotions to show in which situations. One of the few emotions she can express is a sense of being overwhelms as evidenced by her catchprhase 'I don't know how to deal with (???)' She is however capable of expressing annoyance and anger even if she doesn't know what they are. She also has the tendency to go off into her own world and run on about insane rants. She spends most of her days just wandering around Los Noches


    Zanpakuto:Ragnarok
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    Kyoki's Zanpakuto is interesting. This is because she has no visible weapon on her. You see when she was a hollow she had an aura of madness around her which drove other hollows to even more madness and they slaughtered each other and she took there power. Eventually she pull a Coyote Starkk and separated into to two, though not completely. Ragnarok was a growth that came out of her back, though he had plenty of sentience. After she became an arrancar Ragnarok disappeared, or so she thought. Instead Ragnorok had become her blood, turning it black, however he is the dominate one of the duo most of the time bullying Kyoki.

    Now her blood can be hardend instantly and is very hard to cut as Ragnarok takes care of it. However when she needs a weapon a copious amount of blood rips from her back and forms into a long, medieval-like broadsword with a guard composed by his spiky band with three bands coming upward the blade, he has a long, probably for two hands, handle, the edge is pitch-black with a white stripe following it's whole length. The screaming mouth appears some inches above the bands. The mouth is capable of supersonic screams. These screams can hurt the ears of others except Kyoki and cause the blade to vibrate violently. This cause the effect to when she slashes once she is actually slashing dozens of times.

    When he is not in weapon form Ragnarok can come out as a growth from Kyoki's back. When he does he has a muscular body, large gloved hands, and spikes on several parts of his body. His face consists of a large egg shape, with no visible mouth and a giant white X on his face where his nose should be, with large ping-pong ball-like eyes with X's for pupils. His body is black. She can also use these moves with Ragnarok

    # Bloody Needles: This attack can only be performed when Kyoki's blood has been spilled, transforming it into black needles that stab through the opponent if they get too close. They can also be used as a projectile attack.
    # Bloody Slicer: Kyoki will cut her own wrist and then make a flinging motion with the arm, when this happens Ragnarok will change the blood into a blade for medium ranged attacks. It also allows her a surprise attack as if the opponent tries to block with their blade the blood will flow around it.
    # Bloody Lance: With his/her writs cut, she/he flings it in a circle and a huge black-blood thorn appears in her front launching itself like a dart towards the enemy.

    Resurrección
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    Provoca el final, Ragnarok: Bring about the end Ragnarok

    After invoking this phrase there is a burst of purple light. After it clears Kyoki's robe had become skin tight and there are piece of armor on her upper chest and on her sides covering her ribs. The most distinct feature however is that she now has three arms. One of them is hers and the other two are Ragnarok's and they come out of her shoulders each of which wields a katana of average length while Kyoki uses her same old sword. Each has a mouth on it, allowing Kyoki to use her old sound attack only with three times the effectiveness thanks to it being amplified by multiple mouths. However the true strength of this form comes from the Dragon Emperor form. It is when Ragnarok takes the form of a dragon that is coming out of Kyoki's back. He has claw and wings and amplifies all of Kyoki's attacks though this form uses all of her Black Blood except for her sword leaving her more vulnerable.
    Abilities:Screech Alpha: Same as the Screech Beta but launch at the enemy as a projectile with explosive results.
    Screech Beta: A powerful slash in the form of a creature (dragon-like) mouth
    Screech Gamma: A multi-slashing attack in the form of a purple energy that can change direction multiple times and releases sound waves in succession.



    General Abilites
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    Bala: Kyoki can use bala, but it is only of average strength so she manly uses it when she is trying to hit an enemy after they have just found out how good her defenses are and for surprise attacks.
    Cero: Kyoki's has an amazing Cero, the only problem is that she can't use it. Ragnarok has to use it by coming out of her back and firing the Cero. Their Cero is very powerful and aside from their signature abilities is theirr best move.
    Hierro: Kyoki has an exceptional Hierro. It along with Ragnarok make her a defensive prodigy. She can still be damaged it is just very hard to do so, most hollows just give up upon finding they can not harm her. Her weakness is that a person with enough reiatsu can cut through her defense (It has to be very high though), a person who knows how to make their weapon vibrate can cut through her defenses, and a person who know how to do internal damage to her can hurt her.
    Garganta: She can use it but doesn't perform it that often as she sees no point in going to the human world. Though sometimes Ragnarok bullies her into it.
    Sonido: She is not very good at Sonido, she can only leave behind two afterimages max when she does so for only two seconds. She mostly uses it for super sonic burst jabs.
    Pesquisa: No skill at all.
    Madness Aura: Kyoki when she was a hollow uncontrollably produced an aura of madness. it often drove other hollows to slaughter each other make combat easier for her. When she became an Arrancar she learned how to control it but it still flares sometimes when she is battle. When she is going all out her aura extends itself to it's max. Against hollows they will often go mad and try to slaughter anything they can find, including themselves. Against other Arrancar it is a nice little distraction as they have to fight to keep themselves from going mad. Usually the aura influence those who have gone mad not to attack Kyoki. Experienced Arrancars can throw it off completely until she gets stronger.


    Hollow Hole: Her left shoulder is the place where her hollow hole is.

    Mask Fragment: Her mask fragment is actually what makes up Ragnarok's face. It used to look like a dragon.


    Battle Stats
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    Strength: [40] Kyoki has higher than average strength for someone of her build but fairly average maybe even slightly below par for an Arrancar. She mostly relies on her swordsmanship and abilities for kills or her madness aura.
    Offense: [85] Kyoki has a multitude of abilities that enable her to have a great offense in lieu of her average strength. Her excellent swordsmanship also helps her in the regard.
    Defense: [100] Her Black Blood combined with her Hierro make Kyoki a defensive monster.She can be damage if you know how or are strong enough but she will stop most other enemies cold in their tracks
    Mobility: [30] Kyoki hasn't even thought of the concept of dodging and her Sonido is barely passable. She mainly uses it as a way to build up speed and power for thrusts.
    Cero/reiatsu: [100] Kyoki's reiatsu is incredible thanks to her and Ragnarok working together. It is extremely potent and strong. The tinge of madness that it carries to it may mark Kyoki as somewhat unstable.
    Intelligence [20] Kyoki is not very intelligent and is prone to mad ramblings that don't really help her case. Ragnarok is no help here because he has the I.Q of your stereotypical jock. Kyoki is also prone to acting very childish at times. When she occasionally go mad her Intelligence takes even more of a nose dive and she is operating on mostly instinct. The scary thing is that she fights even better like this and her power seems to increase.

    Last edited by AnimeKid; 2011-10-09 at 08:44 PM.

  18. - Top - End - #1038
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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    Quote Originally Posted by Frozen_Feet View Post
    @AnimeKid: a note on Jiro's personality: Zaraki Kenpachi indeed doesn't exist in our continuity. The two closest equivalents would be Kenpachi Hiroki (read 11th history here), who was the last of Kenpachis - and Hannibal Magalhães, who was the Captain after him and similarly stubborn and aggressive.

    Of course, he could also idolize Seiko Yukimura, 11th's current Lieutenant and Acting Captain; he was pretty Kenpachi-like before some key character development took place.
    Wait, someone's going to idolize Seiko? I honestly don't know how he'd respond to that, if he even noticed.

    But really, I'm glad to have another member of the 11th division. It's good to have actual people in a division!

    Quote Originally Posted by Terry576 View Post
    Idolizing the man who is renowned for having idiotic contests with Karite?

    Yeah. Go for it.
    Hey you, you're just jealous because no one idolizes Karite. I'm just better!

    Also, Maximus, I'm not waiting on you, I'm actually about to post with Daisuke waiting on Suzume. We need to get this thing done, and I'm sorry that I haven't done it yet.
    Last edited by Kayne650; 2011-10-09 at 10:25 PM.
    Bleach iTP Reborn characters
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  19. - Top - End - #1039
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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    A few things.

    Jiro: I would recommend he instead state he'll surpass the Spirit King. Recall that this is Eastern, not Western philosophy, and is a bit more muddled since they're already in an afterlife. The Spirit King is an accepted "higher authority" in Soul Society (and according to some fanfiction is actually just Elvis ), so he's a good "target" for Jiro to talk about surpassing so as to garner strange looks.

    Kyoki: This one has a few more notes.
    1.)The bit about "blood hardening instantly" seems ill-placed. What does this sentence mean, and why are we learning it? Are you essentially saying she gets a 2nd Hierro of blood, so that when injured, she becomes tougher to kill?
    2.)So, just to be clear, she can manifest her unreleased zanpakutou from her blood, or she can manifest a 2nd person?
    3.)If in the "2nd person" form, is Ragnarok (have to be honest, another name might be advised here, especially since "Ragnarok" is a Norse word rather than Spanish) entirely separate from Kyoki, or is it an upper torso growing out of her back?
    4.)This is less a question and more a statement: I think even what you've got right now with the Blood Abilities is too much (the formatting's also wonky; try making just the "move name" bold and dropping the #). She's already getting a very stealthy sword (stored in her body and all) and potentially a 2nd body. Several attacks distinct from her Cero/Bala as well? Perhaps look into creating some basic Necromancia (Arrancar Kido, though that's a very crude explanation; could someone link a better post description as I need to hit bed soon, and can't thread-crawl for it?) that do these, and state that most/all of them require her blood to activate.
    5.)The bit about 3 arms is confusing. Where is "her" arm coming from? Why is only 1 of the 3 her original arm, while the other 2 are her sword's (well, still hers, but you get what I mean)?
    6.)"Dragon coming out of her back" is vague; is this 1/2 of a dragon's body sprouting from her back? Is it an Oriental or European style dragon? What size?
    7.)Why not make Screech Alpha the basic attack, and build from there? Not only is it more logical in order, it would make reading that easier. As is, the 1st line says "it's like the 2nd line, but better".
    8.)General Abilities shouldn't be in the Zanpakutou spoiler.
    9.)"Not very good at Sonido" and "leaving afterimages" are mutually exclusive. There have been...5 characters we've really seen leave afterimages in canon Bleach. Youroichi, Soifon, Ichigo, Byakuya, and Zommaria (or whatever spellings those are). The first 2 and last 1 are explicitly characters skilled at "speed techniques", Ichigo's the Main Hero whose Bankai is "MOAR SPEED!", and Byakuya's likely not far behind the Senior Captains and Aizen in the "Mastery of all Shinigami Techniques" department.
    10.)Madness Aura maybe should have more "wiggle room" about how easy/hard it is to go crazy because of it.
    11.)This character needs a general power level pinned down. Is this a Numeros, one who's better than a rank-and-file soldier Arrancar, but just barely? Is she an exceptional Numeros? Is she a Fraccion? If so, is it more for her unique abilities, or raw power? Or is this a character who could conceivably be working toward being an Espada? Because when you talk about her Cero, it mentions it being "very powerful", but the question is "in comparison to what?".
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  20. - Top - End - #1040
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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    Quote Originally Posted by Kayne650 View Post
    Also, Maximus, I'm not waiting on you, I'm actually about to post with Daisuke waiting on Suzume. We need to get this thing done, and I'm sorry that I haven't done it yet.
    It's fine. I'm just sort of in character limbo right now.

  21. - Top - End - #1041
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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    Some notes:

    It is relatively odd for the base form of a Shinigami Zanpakuto to be anything that is not a sword, knife, or other very similar implement. Additionally, an unreleased Zanpakuto generally does not have any special qualities besides being a whatever-weapon(s)-it-is. The idea of "form-shifting" is very much beyond the capacities of a sealed Shinigami Zanpakuto. That kind of ability is generally reserved for Shikai.

    Shikai have not changed appearance of the bearer in the past. That has generally been reserved for Bankai.

    Please do note that as a 9th seat, being able to cast level 88 Kido without the chant is incredibly powerful. I have to assume that it isn't at close to maximum power, because otherwise I have to ask that you tone this down and perhaps select a lower-level kido. There are plenty of kido that it would be impressive for a 9th Seat member of anything but the Kido Corp. to be able to cast unchanted.

    7 times per day on what, as worded, is basically an instant-kill technique is still quite a few times. Remember that a 9th Seat is not that powerful in the Bleach Universe. Your character is easily pushing for a higher rank.

    I have to assume that your character is incapable of shunpo, because he is good in so many other areas (hakudo, zanjutsu, and kido he is specifically quite a bit beyond rank). Please consider what elements of these abilities are actually important to the conception of the character, because there are, frankly, too many for me to honestly believe this guy is a 9th seat.
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  22. - Top - End - #1042
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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    Quote Originally Posted by Terry576 View Post
    The girl turns to Kazuma, her head tilting to the side once more, blue eyes staring blankly at him. Her mouth opens, and then she begins to speak.

    "Accessing Database:Shinigami1... Database Access granted. Examining Physical Features... Too Generic, Move to Database:Zanpakuto3. Analyzing Sword... Sword Analyzed. Target is Amagatsu Kazuma. Access To Inquiry: Granted."

    The girl's head is lifted upright again, and she bows slightly to Kazuma and Goro. "I am the Hollow Execution/Cremation: Active Test Entity, Twelfth Division's newest Field Testing Experiment."

    The blank eyes remain, and they're rather... unnerving. They're not really looking at anything, just staring, and, like her, completely motionless.
    One has to wonder exactly what she finds generic about...

    Appearance: Kazuma is a tallish guy who looks to be in his early twenties at best. He has dark purple eyes and dark red hair with a twin streak of green flowing down each side of his forehead and framing his face. His face seems to be perpetually turned into a frown, or at least, a neutral expression. His attire is regular for a Shinigami, with the notable lack of anything reminding a mark of rank and a pair of round, black sunglasses on his face, a small pipe occasionally dangling from his lips. He is often seen popping pills, believed by many to be painkillers. Or candy.
    Plus the addition of a hachimaki, which I've as of yet to describe, silly me.

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    Last edited by Kuroimaken; 2011-10-09 at 11:06 PM.
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  23. - Top - End - #1043
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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    To Knight and tgva

    For Kyoki: Ragnarok is a second person that is her Zanpakuto. Kind of like how Lilynette could become a gun for Starrk. Also his torso is the only thing that comes out of Kyoki's back.

    The sword bit is Ragnarok coming out of her back and then forming the sword, so not really stealthy. Plus I don't know if I explained Ragnarok's character that well but he would see a stealth attack as a really wimpy way of fighting. Plus the thing with her blood is that it acts as normal blood when Kyoki is not being attacked. In battle however the blood hardens when ever struck. So kind of like an instantaneous barrier that activates when the opponent strikes. I gave it weaknesses to try and make it more acceptable, but basically yes it is like a second Hierro.

    For Sonido that was a goof up on my part. I thought Sonido almost always left after Images as it was different from the shinigami shunpo. So I will change the after image part to she can only use it in short bursts.

    For the Madness Aura what do you mean more wiggle room?

    For the general power level I would say that she could be verging on Espada level. So a Fraccion I guess. Though the madness thing kind of impedes that. The reason that I did not say what her rank is, was because she had no rank. She is a wanderer. Also I meant that Kyoki's Cero is very powerful when compared to the average Arrancar.

    Also I would say her raw power makes her like this as she has very few skills except for those that she specializes in. Hence why her intel, strength, and mobility are not so good. She cannot use Sonido very well and cannot use the detection technique at all. When not in his weapon form the only thing that Ragnarok can do is do the Cero control the Bloody Needles, and bully Kyoki.

    Also for the dragon form it is only the upper body of a dragon and it is a European dragon with wings and arms and claws. Also the blood techniques are usable basically because she has Ragnarok. It is her special thing, kind of like Nel's Cero double.

    Also the reason I put General Abilities with the Zanpakuto spoiler is because I saw someone else do it on their character sheet.

    Now for Jiro

    The Lethal Injection technique as said by Terry was already made, just executed differently. Like he also said most people know how to block reiatsu entering thier system. The reason the technique even fazes them is because of the amount put into it. Also for the limit, lets remember that is if he only uses that technique the entire time he is fighting and then he can't use and reiatsu for the entire day after that. At most he will use it once or twice a day since he will be doing other things, even in battle.

    Thank you for helping with the surpassing the Spirit King thing.

    Also for the form-shifting I basically used it like a sort of mode shift. The ninja, blade mode and smoke bomb mode don't increase power, rather they act like a switch for Jiro's fighting style. I can take those two modes out as they are not detrimental but I would like to keep them. For the shikai I can take out the tatto's near the eyes if it bothers you.

    Plus for kido he is not that skilled in it. The reason that he can use number 88 is because he trained working on it for 40 years and even then he can only use it while he is in shikai form. I can make it to half power if it bothers you to much. Other than that and the basic kido like bind, thrust, and white lightning he can't use other kido and isn't planning on learning anymore.

    As for overall power Jiro is a firm believer of rank doesn't mean anything, but rather it is the power of the person that holds that rank. I mean sure he won't be taking on captains, vice-captains, or heck even 4th seats for a while but he is still above the level. He trains his body to the breaking point everyday so he can get stronger. He often doesn't do his paperwork and will sometimes pass it on to someone of lower rank. He also doesn't really go bucking for a raise in position but rather stays at his rank because he loves irony. After all in his mind it would be great if a 9th seat managed to surpass the Spirit King. He is kind of like Naruto in that regard. Naruto could basically as strong as a Kage right now but his rank still lists him as Genin. If that is unacceptable to you and everyone else I will do my best to try and model both of Jiro and Kyoki a little better. At this point I just can't wait to play.
    Last edited by AnimeKid; 2011-10-10 at 02:00 AM.

  24. - Top - End - #1044
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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    Quote Originally Posted by Kuroimaken View Post
    One has to wonder exactly what she finds generic about...



    Plus the addition of a hachimaki, which I've as of yet to describe, silly me.

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  25. - Top - End - #1045
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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    Does anyone else have any other critiques or suggestions?

  26. - Top - End - #1046
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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    Quote Originally Posted by AnimeKid View Post
    The Lethal Injection technique as said by Terry was already made, just executed differently. Like he also said most people know how to block reiatsu entering thier system. The reason the technique even fazes them is because of the amount put into it. Also for the limit, lets remember that is if he only uses that technique the entire time he is fighting and then he can't use and reiatsu for the entire day after that. At most he will use it once or twice a day since he will be doing other things, even in battle.

    Also for the form-shifting I basically used it like a sort of mode shift. The ninja, blade mode and smoke bomb mode don't increase power, rather they act like a switch for Jiro's fighting style. I can take those two modes out as they are not detrimental but I would like to keep them. For the shikai I can take out the tatto's near the eyes if it bothers you.

    Plus for kido he is not that skilled in it. The reason that he can use number 88 is because he trained working on it for 40 years and even then he can only use it while he is in shikai form. I can make it to half power if it bothers you to much. Other than that and the basic kido like bind, thrust, and white lightning he can't use other kido and isn't planning on learning anymore.

    As for overall power Jiro is a firm believer of rank doesn't mean anything, but rather it is the power of the person that holds that rank. I mean sure he won't be taking on captains, vice-captains, or heck even 4th seats for a while but he is still above the level. He trains his body to the breaking point everyday so he can get stronger. He often doesn't do his paperwork and will sometimes pass it on to someone of lower rank. He also doesn't really go bucking for a raise in position but rather stays at his rank because he loves irony. After all in his mind it would be great if a 9th seat managed to surpass the Spirit King. He is kind of like Naruto in that regard. Naruto could basically as strong as a Kage right now but his rank still lists him as Genin. If that is unacceptable to you and everyone else I will do my best to try and model both of Jiro and Kyoki a little better. At this point I just can't wait to play.
    Maybe that should be clarified in the posting, as the way it's listed that's not at all what Lethal Injection sounds. I mean, calling an ability Lethal Injection immediately raises alarm bells.

    Either way, any changing of a Zanpakuto is still within a Shikai's ability, not that of a sealed Zanpakuto. Turning invisible or visible is a "form shift," but it's still a Shikai ability. A sealed Shinigami Zanpakuto really doesn't function any differently than whatever weapon it is. It doesn't have alternate forms, special powers, or anything like that, even if they "don't increase power level."

    If you must have a smoke bomb, there's a relatively low-level Kido that actually just is a smoke bomb, so you could use that. Bakudo 22: Sekienton.

    Honestly, being able to cast a level 88 spell, whether or not it required large amounts of training, implies skill. 40 years isn't actually that long in terms of Shinigami life span. Many of them are multiple centuries old. What is more significant is the level of mastery, and a level 88 spell is a rather high level, whether or not he can cast anything else. Besides, having a level 88 Hado spell chantless sort of negates the need to cast any lower-level Hado anyways. The limit of "must be in Shikai" both doesn't make sense given the powers of his Shikai and is barely a limit, because a large proportion of the time he's fighting he's probably going to be in Shikai anyways. Either that or he'll be defeating enemies so much weaker than him that having a level 88 Kido won't even be necessary.

    Seat matters because seat determines power level in this game. It doesn't really matter what a character thinks about that system. It's interesting that he thinks that, but the fact is that he's currently a 9th seat, so unless he has some really good reason why he's not higher seat level, he should have power level proportionate to his seat. Level 88 Kido and high proficiency in Hakuda and Zanjutsu (I assume, honestly his swordsmanship skills are unclear as well) do not indicate a 9th seat level.
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  27. - Top - End - #1047
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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    @tgva

    Ah, okay then I get the picture better now. Okay then what I meant about only being able to use it in Shikai ( I really need to get better at explaining this stuff) is that the boost in reiatsu that shikai grants is what allows him to use it. After using it once in shikai he is really low on reiatsu, to the point where he is solely relying on Zanjustu (Need to explain that better as well, cause yeah he is good at Zanjustu but since his shikai has multiple forms it is more that he is adept with each of his weapons rather than being exceptionally skilled with one. Kind of like the Adept Rouge class in the .Hack GU. series (Don't know if you have ever heard of that.) So yeah if it works better I can have #88 at half power when he uses it. Oh and thanks for the tip with Bakudo #22. As for power in terms of rank, I was planning on making him hot-blooded and prone to rushing into a situation without knowing the facts or information. I figured since the Soul Society is military structured (sort of I think) that that would hold him back in rank. After all he is no Kenpachi who can beat people senseless without even nowing his Zanpakuto's name. Would that work. Sorry if I seem impatient I just really, really want to get into this game.
    Last edited by AnimeKid; 2011-10-10 at 06:05 PM.

  28. - Top - End - #1048
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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    I don't know who's running 11th right now, but that personality doesn't sound like what I know of our current 11th, so you may want to make sure you're in the right division.

    I personally am not comfortable with personality making for a highly improper level of power. I don't know what other people think, but it should be clear what his actual power level is, whether or not he is the "correct seat," and you should indicate specifically why he isn't a higher level (because as written he probably should be).

    You should include the full effects of the Shikai in his Shikai section. Not all Shikai increase the user's reiatsu (in fact I'm not sure it's at all common that Shikai do that) so you should clarify all of the abilities that the Shikai grants access to. I may have just not read the part about Zanjutsu being a skill, but you should also clarify that he has skill in that as well.
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  29. - Top - End - #1049
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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    Hmm, ok then. Would it just be easier if I changed his seat position to 5th seat? Or would it have to be even higher that than that? also I will touch up my chracter sheet for Jiro.

  30. - Top - End - #1050
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    Default Re: [BitP:R] BleachITP Reborn OOC Thread 18: Peek-a-boo style PAWNCH!

    Yeah, probably.
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