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  1. - Top - End - #601
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Arkhosia's Avatar

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    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Here's a song based on a PC of mine!
    Ambition
    (sung to Guren No Yumiya)
    Spoiler
    Show
    My name will not be known
    If I do not prove myself

    Family that's not yet mine
    Will accept me they will find

    The only way they'll accept me
    Is if I show that I am worthy

    Enemies trying to stop me
    I shall not let them defeat me

    Succeeding my goals in this strange new world
    I shall not accept less than victory...!

    Turn my complete determination
    Into the fuel of retaliation

    Fighting to prove my self to them,
    I shall not lose to anyone here

    My ambition surges through my body
    Powers every cell within me

    Charging through the walls in my way
    I shall prove myself!
    More will be added later
    Last edited by Arkhosia; 2014-05-11 at 11:48 PM.

    Avatar by asdflove
    Arkhosia's Assorted Nexus Stuff!
    Quote Originally Posted by The Fault in Our Stars, By John Green
    My thoughts are stars that I cannot fathom into constellations.
    [B]On a trip til 1st[B]

  2. - Top - End - #602
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    mebecronck's Avatar

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    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Another piece of non-fiction again. You don't have to read it if it makes you feel uncomfortable, but thank you to those who do and to those who give me feedback.

    Spoiler: An Introspective Look into My Self-Worth
    Show
    An Introspective Look into My Self-Worth

    I recently read somewhere online that to be happy you must first love yourself. As if to say that, “If you hate yourself, then stop and love yourself.” You will then be happy, or at least on the road to it. I wish it was as simple as just flipping a switch. This made me start thinking about why I have such a low opinion of my own self-worth, and now I can’t sleep until I can get it out of my head. So, I’m typing this, and it will probably run the course of another “Train of Thought” essay. To those willing to read this, please bear with me.

    I have tried to look into the origins as to why I have such low self-esteem. The best I can track it back to be the constant bullying I received through my developmental years in school. Everyday, I remember someone making fun of me and then the whole class laughs at me. The bully would start it, and then the classroom would support it.
    Never did anyone stand up to defend me. Never did anyone say anything to the contrary. Always, someone would be little me, say something to make me feel worthless, and the laughter would proclaim, “It is so true.”

    This stopped sometime after high school, but because I went through years of hearing this everyday I can’t believe anyone when they pay me any compliment. Every time someone says anything nice about me, all I can wonder is, “How can the compliment be true when for years everyone told me that I am worthless?” After all, I’m no different now than I was then. I’m still the nerdy guy who loves superheroes, science fiction, video games, science and math. The only thing different now is I go to work instead of school.

    Is it because that the things that I used to be bullied for are now popular? When it becomes unpopular, again, will the bullying return? If so, then do the compliments mean anything? How can I know if there compliments are true? They might just be saying nice things just to appear like they are not some sort of jerk.

    I can’t love myself, because for years I have been told how much everyone hates me. For liking superheroes, for being a nerd, for actually understanding what the science teacher was teaching. Now, for some reason these are the traits that are admirable? These are positives? Why? What changed?

    If these compliments are true, then why am I so lonely? Whenever I invite someone over, they are always "too busy" to show. It doesn't matter how far in advance I make the invite, or how wide open I make the available time. They can never make it. As, well, I never get invited to anything. If I am such a wonderful person, with such traits that deserve the recognition of a compliment, then why am I never invited to anything? Wouldn't people want to spend time with me? As things stand now, my life is just work and home. My social life only exists at work. Obviously, no one wants to spend time with me. So, these compliments that I received must be lies.

    You might think, "Well, if you are always belittling yourself, then that is why no one wants to spend time with you." This isn't the case. I don't always talk about this. I normally just chat about whatever topic comes up and make silly jokes or offer the random intellectual fact. Just like in high school.

    It could have been easy. I could have just thrown away all those video games. I could have thrown away those Star Wars VHS tapes. I could have made fun of superheroes that dressed in spandex costumes. All I had to do was pretend not to like them and school would have been so much more tolerable.

    I almost did once. Just before the fifth grade I moved with my family to a new state. Where we left from the Power Rangers was still popular. Like most kids, my favorite was Tommy, the Green Ranger, and I had green Power Rangers bike. I decided to ride it around the neighborhood shortly after we got settled in to our new home, and a kid saw me riding by. He immediately made fun of me and laughed at me because of my Power Ranger bike. Apparently, someone didn’t tell me that Power Rangers stopped be cool over summer vacation.

    Well, when the teasing got worse I decided the best thing to do was to cut off all the Power Ranger decals and accessories on the bike. When I was done it was just a green bicycle. Well, that kid noticed, and when school started up, everyone knew I was the kid that still liked the Power Rangers.

    Now, Power Rangers are nostalgia. People on the internet talk openly about how much the love the Green Ranger's theme song. All I can see and hear is an entire school laughing at me.
    I decided that I wouldn’t conform to what other people like just to fit in. I will like what I like, and enjoy what I enjoy. Regardless of what is popular. I suffered for it.

    So, how can I love myself, when all I ever heard from others is how much they hate me? How can I listen to their compliments, when even now I still here the whole classroom laughing at me? How can I believe that these traits of my personality, my intellect, my wit, and even my creativity are positive traits when for years they were the source of public disdain and mockery?

    I don’t know, and I know people don’t like to hear or read something from someone about how much they hate themselves, but it helps me work through my thoughts. I’m not sure what I intend to accomplish from posting it online. Maybe I’m hopeful that some comment from a reader will make me see something in a new light. Even if it doesn’t change a thing it helps me in the form of a writing exercise. Either way, thank you for reading.


    Spoiler: Edit
    Show

    I think I might continue these "Introspective" pieces as both a writing exercise and as a way to exercise my emotions. I think it is helping me although I can't quite explain how. Also, it might be helpful to those reading to understand what people who were bullied go through.


    I'm going to continue all my Introspection pieces on my Facebook page, if you want to continue to follow them.

    https://www.facebook.com/dndnerd
    Last edited by mebecronck; 2014-05-28 at 05:47 PM. Reason: Proof reading

    Some of Murphy's other laws.
    "Professionals are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs."
    "No plan survives the first contact intact."
    "If it's stupid, but it works, it isn't stupid."
    -Capt. Edward A. Murphy-
    Newton's Law of the Road
    "The object with more mass has the right-of-way."

  3. - Top - End - #603
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Dr Bwaa's Avatar

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    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Apologies for my prolonged absence. I haven't even managed to read anything on here since my last post. I'll get some comments and other stuff up soon; I promise

    Spoiler: Teaser
    Show
    Honorable Commandant Elium,

    I take no pleasure in this wasteful destruction of your empire; it is simply a matter of satisfying my own populations. If you were to surrender, granting me unquestioned dominion over all of the systems I have already overthrown, along with 150 credits and your newly developed manufacturing technology, I believe that would be sufficient to slake my people's thirst for vengeance. I will stop this needless war, and grant you the technologies you need to retaliate against Admiral Bears, your betrayer.

    If the war hounds on your council may be convinced to see the light of reason, please deliver to them my offer.

    All my best,
    Empress Llamian Elwye of Kaf
    Last edited by Dr Bwaa; 2014-06-03 at 01:15 PM.
    For people who enjoy reading or writing.

    Spoiler
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    Awesome banner/avatar by El_Frenchie!

    Play chess? Look me up! (bwaa)


    Formerly known as lordhenry4000

  4. - Top - End - #604
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    Arkhosia's Avatar

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    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Currently typing up a series of backstory stories for a FFRP PC. Going to post them in the correct thread, but do you think it would be ok if I posted a link here for the enjoyment of y'all?

    Avatar by asdflove
    Arkhosia's Assorted Nexus Stuff!
    Quote Originally Posted by The Fault in Our Stars, By John Green
    My thoughts are stars that I cannot fathom into constellations.
    [B]On a trip til 1st[B]

  5. - Top - End - #605
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    mebecronck's Avatar

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    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Quote Originally Posted by Dr Bwaa View Post
    Apologies for my prolonged absence. I haven't even managed to read anything on here since my last post. I'll get some comments and other stuff up soon; I promise

    Spoiler: Teaser
    Show
    Honorable Commandant Elium,

    I take no pleasure in this wasteful destruction of your empire; it is simply a matter of satisfying my own populations. If you were to surrender, granting me unquestioned dominion over all of the systems I have already overthrown, along with 150 credits and your newly developed manufacturing technology, I believe that would be sufficient to slake my people's thirst for vengeance. I will stop this needless war, and grant you the technologies you need to retaliate against Admiral Bears, your betrayer.

    If the war hounds on your council may be convinced to see the light of reason, please deliver to them my offer.

    All my best,
    Empress Llamian Elwye of Kaf
    I look forward to reading this.

    Spoiler: Reply letter
    Show

    Dear Empress Elwye,

    Enclosed is 150 credits and a book on KND 2x4 Technology.

    Let loose the hounds of war.

    Yours truly,
    Twilight Sparkle
    Last edited by mebecronck; 2014-06-04 at 07:43 PM. Reason: Removed work

    Some of Murphy's other laws.
    "Professionals are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs."
    "No plan survives the first contact intact."
    "If it's stupid, but it works, it isn't stupid."
    -Capt. Edward A. Murphy-
    Newton's Law of the Road
    "The object with more mass has the right-of-way."

  6. - Top - End - #606
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Dr Bwaa's Avatar

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    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    *Trumpets!* *Fanfare!* *Celebration!*

    At long last, I return with a snippet, and also comments!

    Spoiler: Nu Miaplacidus: Chapter 1
    Show
    Nu Miaplacidus
    A Surplus of Neighbors

    Galactic Interval 19

    Most Illustrious Commandant Elium,

    I apologize in advance for the spice traders inbound to Terebellum. They launched without orders, so feel free to do with them as you please when they arrive. Consider their cargo a gift, as compensation for the trouble.

    Regarding Media, I had dearly hoped to retain at least a single star system with more natural resources than a mealy Alshainian apple core. In the interest of future cooperation, I humbly ask that the Media system be left to my competent hands. You may rest assured that I have no intention of expanding toward your handsome empire--logistics aside, with the bounty of neighbors with which I have been blessed, it simply would not do to start a war with one of them. I would, of course, send you tribute from the system in thanks for your generosity.

    I look forward to your response, whatever it might contain.

    Hopefully yours,
    Empress Llamian Elwye of Kaf


    -----------

    The bastard knows we're in no position to negotiate terms. It's the truth I've written in this letter; the empire shares a border with at least four others, all of whom seem to have reached the border systems just ahead of our own colony ships.

    I must place my hopes in charity, then, while the good Captain Ollse delivers her secret cargo to Terebellum. She will have no way home; another casualty amongst too many costly carriers already lost to the Void, but the Commandant will pay dearly in the exchange. Of course, it will be perceived as an accident. Captain Ollse is one of the best--just by firing her engines, she has already done her people proud.

    The other tribes on my borders seem friendly enough, barring some unfortunate, unavoidable conflicts--such is the nature of the Void. I shall have to send word to them immediately, and negotiate favorable borders, as the Commandant appears unlikely to relent in his bullish ways. Perhaps the bravely-named Bears will be more willing to consider an alliance.

    I dearly hope the rest of the galaxy is as barren as my territory, or I fear the Kafikan Empire will be naught but a tragic appendix on some inferior race's history reel.


    And on to the comments.

    @mebecronck
    Spoiler: The Battle for Breakfast
    Show
    Nothing huge to say here, but I did thoroughly enjoy it. Project MAPLE SYRUP was particularly enjoyable (though I find the realism a bit lacking--sausage defeating bacon at breakfast time? Please.)


    @Lord_Gareth
    Spoiler: Frustrations
    Show
    The clock on the wall ticked.

    It was about this close to driving Natty insane.
    I'm not sure the first line deserves to be in its own paragraph like this. I think it reads better if it's together.

    "You work in a clerical position," her manager said with a too-friendly smile. "Thought shouldn't be involved."
    Ouch. I think it would be stronger (e.g. more demeaning) to picture him sneering her actual job title, rather than "in a clerical position." "You're a secretary, Ms. Sokolov", etc.

    the cold coming in made already desperate people downright savage
    This would flow better with a "the" before the "already", I think.

    "That didn't go according to plan, huh?" Natty said sweetly, tucking a lock of blonde hair behind her ear. The would-be criminal stared silently at the blade, weighing his options.
    Good moment; good framing.

    "Look, here's the deal buddy,"
    Needs a comma after "deal".

    The door was locked - not a big deal, given the whole 'keys' concept.
    This seems rather out-of-place.

    oh hell, was he so out of it that he was watching The 700 Club?
    Oh, man. Things must be bad.

    "If you don't get up I'm gonna love breaking my foot off in your ass," Natty answered as she stood up from the couch and began searching for the phone with an irritated sigh.
    You're trying to pack a little too much into this sentence; it feels choppy as a result. You can cut "from the couch", since we know that's where she was sitting--she just sat down twenty seconds ago. Sighing and looking for the phone should probably have its own sentence, and you need a comma after "If you don't get up".

    "Something happen today?" Dimitri asked, concerned.
    If he's concerned, that's a sudden change in his demeanor. You could add some body language (e.g. turning to actually look at her/sitting up/feet on the floor) and more verbage to make the shift more apparent.

    Overall, enjoyable snippet. As usual, you create some memorable characters with few words--I hope there's more coming.


    @Arkhosia
    Spoiler: Ambition
    Show
    First let me say that I'm not familiar with AOT, though I did pull up the song while I read this. My first impression is that it fits pretty well, both thematically and rhythmically, so good job on that!

    Since it's a song/poem, I'm not going to worry about grammar or anything, but there are a few word choices that struck me as a bit questionable.

    My name will not be known
    If I do not prove myself

    Family that's not yet mine
    Will accept me they will find

    The only way they'll accept me
    Is if I show that I am worthy
    The repetition feels a bit stale here. Also, the third stanza just feels like a rehashing of the first, even though the focus is technically different (on "family" rather than general recognition).

    Enemies trying to stop me
    I shall not let them defeat me
    The "me" "me" matching here is a little weak, especially the first line. I think I'd try to change it a bit; if only in form, to remove the "trying to stop me" phrase in particular.

    Succeeding my goals in this strange new world
    "Succeeding my goals" is a very strange turn of phrase, especially since it indicates the temporal definition of "succeeding"; that is, "coming after". It's also generally not a very strong line; the first half is awkward and a little bland, and the second half is a cliché.

    I shall not accept less than victory...!
    Why "shall" here (and later), instead of the "will" you've used previously? Also, it's already pretty clear by now that the speaker intends to win, so the line itself is a bit superfluous--if the "victory" were enhanced to something more dramatic, it would really help the line.

    Fighting to prove my self to them,
    I shall not lose to anyone here
    This whole stanza is a rehash of things you've said better elsewhere.

    Charging through the walls in my way
    I shall prove myself!
    Same with this one, though it's more forgivable because it's the "conclusion". The first line is kind of awkward rhythmically, though.

    The whole thing feels a bit like you stuck too closely to the source song, at the cost of exposition about your character. Which is a shame, because the best lines are when you actually let a unique bit of characterization slip through (e.g. the sixth stanza). There's a lot of promise there, though.

    Incidentally, did you know there's a Playground Iron Poet challenge? Planning on signing up?


    Currently typing up a series of backstory stories for a FFRP PC. Going to post them in the correct thread, but do you think it would be ok if I posted a link here for the enjoyment of y'all?
    Definitely!
    For people who enjoy reading or writing.

    Spoiler
    Show

    Awesome banner/avatar by El_Frenchie!

    Play chess? Look me up! (bwaa)


    Formerly known as lordhenry4000

  7. - Top - End - #607
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    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Welcome back!
    Scientific Name: Wombous apocolypticus | Diet: Apocolypse Pie | Cuddly: Yes

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    (you can't take the sky from me)

  8. - Top - End - #608
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    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    The glorious Dr Bwaa is back. All hail the returning king.

    Spoiler: To Dr Bwaa
    Show

    Nothing huge to say here, but I did thoroughly enjoy it. Project MAPLE SYRUP was particularly enjoyable (though I find the realism a bit lacking--sausage defeating bacon at breakfast time? Please.)
    I would back Bacon, too. I just didn't want my bias to show in my writing. Plus I wanted to leave it open for a possible sequel.


    I have another Introspective posted on my Facebook. I haven't been posting them here because I don't think it fits with Thread (being non-fiction). I will leave a link for those that want to read it.

    https://www.facebook.com/dndnerd/posts/527263307374654

    Some of Murphy's other laws.
    "Professionals are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs."
    "No plan survives the first contact intact."
    "If it's stupid, but it works, it isn't stupid."
    -Capt. Edward A. Murphy-
    Newton's Law of the Road
    "The object with more mass has the right-of-way."

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