New OOTS products from CafePress
New OOTS t-shirts, ornaments, mugs, bags, and more
Page 20 of 21 FirstFirst ... 101112131415161718192021 LastLast
Results 571 to 600 of 619
  1. - Top - End - #571
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Dr Bwaa's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Boulder, CO
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Same here. I have a bunch of things that I really want to write at the moment but I'm utterly swamped. I am already entered in the Iron Poet contest though
    For people who enjoy reading or writing.

    Spoiler
    Show

    Awesome banner/avatar by El_Frenchie!

    Play chess? Look me up! (bwaa)


    Formerly known as lordhenry4000

  2. - Top - End - #572
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Lord_Gareth's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2007

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    So...how would folks feel about posting links to PbP games and asking for critique on the writing style, flow, and characterization of their posts therein? ESPECIALLY characterization?


    Quote Originally Posted by Chilingsworth View Post
    Wow! Not only was that awesome, I think I actually kinda understand Archeron now. If all the "intermediate" outer planes got that kind of treatment, I doubt there would be anywhere near as many critics of their utility.
    My extended homebrew sig

  3. - Top - End - #573
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Dr Bwaa's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Boulder, CO
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Quote Originally Posted by Lord_Gareth View Post
    So...how would folks feel about posting links to PbP games and asking for critique on the writing style, flow, and characterization of their posts therein? ESPECIALLY characterization?
    Hmmm, I did say I'd come read some of your PbP and give you characterization feedback, didn't I? Links would be lovely, but I can't promise the same level of attention that I give to snippets posted in this thread :)
    For people who enjoy reading or writing.

    Spoiler
    Show

    Awesome banner/avatar by El_Frenchie!

    Play chess? Look me up! (bwaa)


    Formerly known as lordhenry4000

  4. - Top - End - #574
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Lord_Gareth's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2007

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Yay!

    Here's the setting information if you want it.

    And here's Nail. The events of this thread take place sometime after the Moontown Massacre snippet.


    Quote Originally Posted by Chilingsworth View Post
    Wow! Not only was that awesome, I think I actually kinda understand Archeron now. If all the "intermediate" outer planes got that kind of treatment, I doubt there would be anywhere near as many critics of their utility.
    My extended homebrew sig

  5. - Top - End - #575
    Firbolg in the Playground
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    On my back, in my heart
    Gender
    Male2Female

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Hey guys, it's late, and I can't sleep. This scene has been in my head for ages while I was working on the Crossroads setting (There's a link in my sig, /shamelessplug). I wrote it in one sitting and I only went over it once. This is my first actual snippet posted to this thread, and the actually the first time I've sat down and actually written prose in a long time. Let me know if it's any good. Maybe I'll come back with more some other night I can't sleep.

    Spoiler
    Show
    The cold wind gusted through the snow-covered pines, the sound of it haunting and sad. Two massive, shaggy mammoths lay huddled against one another for warmth in the moonlight, their calf between them, the blowing snow binding to their dark fur. Inside the caribou-skin hut beside them, the fire was warm and bright, but the mood was not. A woman clutched her weeping son, sobs wracking his small frame as his father tried not to look at him while he prepared. His war-bow was strung, stone-headed arrows piled nearby. He focused his attention on the wooden shaft that was rapidly becoming a spear as he fit the antler’s point to its tip. He wound a thin leather strap around the head and the shaft, tightly. The spear had to be strong. He had to be strong.

    The son still wept, face twisted in sorrow and anger as he buried it in his mother’s furred clothing, tears disappearing into the fur. Her hand gently cradled the boy’s head as she softly sang a soothing song, wordless but somehow reassuring. Her deep brown eyes were aimed to the packed earth floor of the hut, the emotion of her song not reaching them. Silently, the father gathered up his weapons and rose to his feet, turning to the door. He took a deep breath, steeling himself, but couldn’t help but look one last time upon the wife and son he was leaving behind. His eyes stung, but he told himself it was the smoke from the fire. He turned back to the door and ducked his head, pushing through the leather flap that kept the cold out.

    Outside, the man headed over to the huddled mammoths, and whistled sharply. They stirred with a rumbling snort from their uneasy sleep. Another whistle, and the male snorted again, shifting as he rose to his massive feet. The calf huddled closer to its mother against the cold instinctively, but as the bulk of it’s father moved away, it raised its head, squeaking in confusion, calling out. The male approached the father, the father’s hand reaching up to pet the mammoth’s furred trunk once or twice, a moment of affection before moving to the beast’s side and taking ahold of it’s shaggy fur. He clambered up the side of the wooly beast until he settled in to sit atop the creature, half-laying on the beast’s back as he urged it to move with a thump of his boots. Ponderously the male moved forward, lumbering through the trees. Its calf trumpeted after it, first softly, then louder as the parent ignored it’s cries. It tromped off deeper into the forest, the dense shadows swallowing its bulk. The mother curled her trunk around the baby, pulling it close as its cries grew quieter once more, the baby whimpering softly in the pale light.

    The boy cried for many hours, but eventually, mother and child fell asleep, and the fire went out, leaving only softly-glowing embers in the fire pit. There was movement in the darkness, though. The boy shifted in his sleeping bag, and slowly, quietly, slipped free of it. He pulls on his warm leathers in the darkness, freezing in place each time he made a sound, checking if his carelessness woke his mother. Silently as possible, he filled a small bag with jerky, and grabbed his hunting bow, much smaller than his father’s war bow. He slipped out the flap into the dark, snowy landscape. The footprints left by his father are the easiest path to walk, and he hops awkwardly from one to the next, unable to match his father’s long strides. Silently he made his way to the mammoth youngster, and lay a mitten-covered hand on its side, gently shaking it awake. It grumbled softly, and he urged it to be silent as he took it by the trunk and gently, but insistently, led it out from its resting place against its mother’s side, the female mammoth still sleeping. He awkwardly climbed up the side of the smaller beast and urged it forward, much the same way his father did. The pair followed the deep footprints left by their fathers into the dark woods. Light glittered off the young boy’s cheeks. He told himself it’s just the cold wind stinging his eyes as he looked forward down the moon-shadowed path leading deeper into the woods.
    Last edited by Admiral Squish; 2014-01-20 at 09:09 PM.
    My Homebrew
    Five-time champion of the GITP monster competition!

    Current Projects:
    Crossroads: the New World: A pathfinder campaign setting about an alternate history of North America, where five empire collide in a magical land full of potential. On the road to publication!

    Epic Avatar and Sigitar by AlterForm
    Spoiler
    Show

  6. - Top - End - #576
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    TheWombatOfDoom's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Aldain
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Squish! Welcome back to the Snippet!
    Scientific Name: Wombous apocolypticus | Diet: Apocolypse Pie | Cuddly: Yes

    World Building Projects:
    Magic
    : The Stuff of Sentience | Fate: The Fabric of Physics | Luck: The Basis of Biology

    Order of the Stick Projects:
    Annotation of the Comic | Magic Compendium of the Comic | Transcription of the Comic
    Dad-a-chum? Dum-a-chum? Ded-a-chek? Did-a-chick?
    Extended Signature | My DeviantArt | Majora's Mask Point Race
    (you can't take the sky from me)

  7. - Top - End - #577
    Firbolg in the Playground
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    On my back, in my heart
    Gender
    Male2Female

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Quote Originally Posted by TheWombatOfDoom View Post
    Squish! Welcome back to the Snippet!
    Why thank you for the greeting, good wombat!
    My Homebrew
    Five-time champion of the GITP monster competition!

    Current Projects:
    Crossroads: the New World: A pathfinder campaign setting about an alternate history of North America, where five empire collide in a magical land full of potential. On the road to publication!

    Epic Avatar and Sigitar by AlterForm
    Spoiler
    Show

  8. - Top - End - #578
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Lord_Gareth's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2007

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    'Kay, so I keep meaning to write but never quite managing to get around to it. Maybe if I take a request it'll work out better! So, would you prefer to read (Presented in the format of "Title [Character]":

    - The Cafeteria Incident [Codename: GARM]

    - Origins [The Kinslayer]

    - Legend [Commander Kyllan "The Mongoose" Hammerson]


    Quote Originally Posted by Chilingsworth View Post
    Wow! Not only was that awesome, I think I actually kinda understand Archeron now. If all the "intermediate" outer planes got that kind of treatment, I doubt there would be anywhere near as many critics of their utility.
    My extended homebrew sig

  9. - Top - End - #579
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    TheWombatOfDoom's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Aldain
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Quote Originally Posted by Lord_Gareth View Post
    'Kay, so I keep meaning to write but never quite managing to get around to it. Maybe if I take a request it'll work out better! So, would you prefer to read (Presented in the format of "Title [Character]":

    - The Cafeteria Incident [Codename: GARM]

    - Origins [The Kinslayer]

    - Legend [Commander Kyllan "The Mongoose" Hammerson]

    I vote Origins!
    Scientific Name: Wombous apocolypticus | Diet: Apocolypse Pie | Cuddly: Yes

    World Building Projects:
    Magic
    : The Stuff of Sentience | Fate: The Fabric of Physics | Luck: The Basis of Biology

    Order of the Stick Projects:
    Annotation of the Comic | Magic Compendium of the Comic | Transcription of the Comic
    Dad-a-chum? Dum-a-chum? Ded-a-chek? Did-a-chick?
    Extended Signature | My DeviantArt | Majora's Mask Point Race
    (you can't take the sky from me)

  10. - Top - End - #580
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Dr Bwaa's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Boulder, CO
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Sorry it's taken me so long to get back in here, everyone. Holidays were crazy (good crazy, but still crazy).

    Admiral Squish
    Glad to see you finally posting something in here!
    Spoiler: Comments
    Show
    His war-bow was strung, stone-headed arrows piled nearby as he focused his attention on the wooden shaft that was rapidly becoming a spear as he fit the antler’s point to it‘s tip.
    This is the first moment that I felt like you lost the thread a bit. This sentence goes on a little long without pausing, and it doesn't give me time to reflect on the imagery and all the new information you're presenting. The content is good, but you could slow it down a little. This isn't a rushed scene; in fact it's sort of the opposite, so your prose can be long and drawn-out as well.

    The calf huddled closer to it’s mother
    Here and elsewhere, "it's" should be "its".

    Ponderously the male moved forward, walking through the trees.
    Your language is so rich in general that it feels like a real shame to use a boring word like "walking" to describe a woolly mammoth moving through a forest in winter. The same goes for the next instance of "walking" a couple sentences later.

    the fire went out, leaving over softly-glowing embers in the fire pit.
    *only? Or else is this just a turn of phrase that I've never encountered in this context?

    There is movement in the darkness, though.
    Woah! Holy sudden tense change, Batman! I'm not sure if this was intentional or not, but tense changes are usually not great unless you're accomplishing something specific with them, like a flashback, and even then they should at least go in a new paragraph.

    He tells himself it’s just the cold wind stinging his eyes
    I very much like the father-son symmetry here. I really liked this scene; it's terrifically vividand heartfelt enough that I care about these characters after only four paragraphs. Well written; I hope you come back with more someday.


    Lord_Gareth
    I, too, would like to see more of The Kinslayer. My vote is for Origins!
    Spoiler: Characterization Comments (Nail)
    Show
    I've read through Nail's PbP; it was very enjoyable. In general, her characterization is solid and consistent. The single thing I found a bit strange was the current plan, in light of Nail's reaction to hearing that some of Natasha's people had joined the other side--if she values oaths so strongly, I found it odd that her first idea would be to try to get mob members to betray each other. Obviously it seems likely to work, but it also makes it seem that she values some oaths more than others, which is counter to what I'd thought up until that point. If I had more to go on, I'd probably be able to come up with more, but rather than try to come up with more specific comments about Nail, I'm going to give you the impression of her that I get, just from reading that PbP.

    Nail is mostly soft-spoken and polite, and her voice has a musical lilt to it. She prefers to do her dirty work by-the-book, to keep her official legal record spotless, but her work is vicious and she enjoys it. However, she's deeply unhappy about the person she is.

    She is proud, and careful, and she responds well to brazen, honest bravado. She takes oaths extremely seriously, even implied promises or those between mortals. She's extremely passionate, quick to anger, and resorts to violence easily.
    For people who enjoy reading or writing.

    Spoiler
    Show

    Awesome banner/avatar by El_Frenchie!

    Play chess? Look me up! (bwaa)


    Formerly known as lordhenry4000

  11. - Top - End - #581
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    mebecronck's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Eastern U.S.A.
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Alright, I need to stretch out my writing muscles. So, here is a little short that I been messing around with in my head. It might be a bit messy, but I hope you like it.

    Spoiler: The Modern Bard: Advent Villain
    Show

    I have been investigating every lead for months and have run into nothing but dead ends. I haven't heard anything back from Thazar or his friend. The colder the trail gets, the less likely I will ever find my target, and this trail is freezing.

    "Meow." Lucky gets up from her bed and follows me as I walk into the living room. My place is practically empty. I just have a desk, a television, a folding chair, a mattress, and a pillow that functions as Lucky's cat bed. No decorations like posters or photos. No plates and glasses for company. I don't even keep my tools for my trade here. I keep that in "The Office".

    My home serves as a place where I can unwind, and I can't unwind in clutter.

    "Meow."

    "What" I ask in a low voice. I haven't been taking good care of myself lately. Every waking hour has been spent chasing down every thread I can pick up. No matter how thin.

    "MEOW!"

    "Fine, fine. What do you want."

    "Meow."

    "I know we are running out of money."

    "Meow."

    "I know I need to take a job."

    "Meow."

    "I know I need to sleep. I got an idea. How about you stop telling me things I already know!" I throw the folding chair across the room to add literal impact with my words.

    "... Meow." Lucky takes a seat on top of the TV starts batting her paw at the screen. The room is so quiet I can hear the static buildup releasing from her touch.

    "You're right. I need to rest." I lean against the wall and slump down. "I'm not angry at you. I'm just frustrated."

    "Meow."

    "I'm sorry." I pause for a moment to gather my thoughts. "I'll get some rest and tomorrow I will pick up some work. I'll leave this whole mess behind me."

    Lucky jumps down from the TV and accidentally hits the power button when she lands on the floor. The screen flickers to life revealing an anchorman sitting behind a desk reading an urgent report.

    "Well this should put me to sleep," I say with a laugh as Lucky curls up in my lap.

    *****

    "... armed gunmen invaded the House of Representatives and opened fire while The House was in session. It is unknown how many are injured or dead. We reached out to the Speaker of ..."

    The screen flickers and the audio cuts out. Slowly the image of the news report fades to reveal the image of someone in a mask. The mask is divided black and white. The left half is completely black and the right half is white with a black crescent smile and a black almond shaped eye. A hood hides the rest of the person's features.

    "Hello, friends." The voice is deep, masculine. He says the words slowly, as if he wants there meaning to have incredible weight. The camera sways slightly as he speaks, but stays close on his face, as if he is recording himself. "We are friends, right? I think we are, because I'm trying to help you."

    "I'm sure you are wondering about what happened, and the why's and how's. Well, that is what I'm here helping you understand. You see, I sent some of my friends ... with guns ... to D.C. and told them to attack The House. You see, they thought they were all safe and sound with all their security and guards and everything. The problem there is that, the threat of death is only an effective deterrent when dying is not already part of the plan."

    "Do you understand?"

    "It really isn't that hard to understand. My friends went in ready to die. The plan was to kill as many as they can first."

    "See. I'm helping you already." He laughs softly for a moment. "Now you know how it happened." The camera moves away from the mask and shows nothing but darkness. Feedback in the audio suggests that something is hitting the receiver.

    The camera pans back to the mask a moment later and he says, "How did I get so many people willing to die in this mission?" The camera is now steady and the man in the mask is further away from it, revealing that he is dressed in a dark hooded robe. "It was really simple. I told them the truth."

    "The truth is that no one in government does anything about anything until it impacts them. I'm sure you all know how gun control is so hot button lately. They use it for elections, and I used it to gather an army. I told them THE TRUTH!" He holds both hands in the air and spins around once while laughing loudly.

    "I gathered people who had loved ones ... friends, family, neighbors ... that died because of guns, and told them ..." He pauses and looks over to his right.

    "I want to introduce you to my new friend. Won't you come with and give him a warm welcome." He walks over to his right and the camera follows him close behind. After walking down some stairs the camera reveals a man tied up and gagged in a chair that is turned over on its side. He is struggling hard against his bindings and trying to scream through the gag. His eyes follow the masked man. They are open wide and his pupils are so dilated that you can't see the color.

    "I picked up my new friend in the confusion of the attack. He is one of the lobbyists for the N.R.A. and has done a fine job at it, too." The masked man rubs his gloved hands through the hair of man tied up in the chair. He then grabs hold of the mans head and lifts him and the chair back to an upright position. The bound man screams through his gag in pain as he is lifted.

    "They have a little slogan." The mask man walks off camera. While he is away the camera pans in close to the gagged man's face. "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." The man's eyes open wider. "I have to agree with them on that." His muffled screams become more panicked. "Guns are just tools, used by people." His struggling becomes more violent. "Without a person to hold it a gun can't kill anyone." The man closes his eyes tight and tears trickle down his cheeks. Everything becomes silent except for the sobs of the bound man. The silence is shattered by gunshot and muzzle flash. A burst of red emits from the side of the man's head and he slumps forward silent and still.

    "Guns don't kill people, but they do make it easier." The camera pans to the masked man holding a revolver, smoke streams from the tip of the barrel. The masked man faces the camera. "Now everyone in Congress is a victim of gun violence. This means they are now properly motivated to do something about it."

    He lowers his gun and moves in close to the camera. "There is no need to thank me. I am your friend, and I have done this to help you. Because I care."

    "You're welcome."

    The camera then cuts out and the news report replaces it.

    "We are sorry for this ..."

    *****

    "Meow." Lucky stands up in my lap and places her front paws on my chest.

    "What do you want me to do about it?" A public execution on TV is rare in the U.S. but sadly all too common in other parts of the world where I have conducted business. What happened is surely surprising, but didn't draw my attention any more than a mild curiosity.

    "Meow."

    "I'm not getting paid to chase him down, and last I checked, we are out of cat food and ramen."

    "Meow." This time she adds emphasis by digging her claws into my chest.

    "Hng. Alright, I will look into it." I submitted more easily than normal. "After I get some sleep. Is that okay with you, Princess Lucky?"

    "Purr." She curls back up in my lap and goes to sleep. Sometimes I wonder who is really in charge here.


    I just have to share this with you guys. I just saw a funny picture of a restaurant menu which shows "Stupid Questions - $0.38" and immediately two scenarios popped into my mind. So what follows is two different exchanges between a customer and a waiter. I shared it with the people on the forum I found it in, but anyway without further ado.

    Spoiler
    Show

    “Why is it thirty-eight cents?”

    “That will be thirty-eight cents.”

    “Wait! Are you charging me already?”

    “That will be seventy-six cents.”

    “How is that a stupid question?”

    “That will be one dollar and fourteen cents.”

    “But, I …”

    “…”

    (Sigh)“Is the sales tax included?”

    “That will be one dollar and …”

    “Nevermind. Here’s five dollars. Keep the change.”

    (Another route)

    “How do you charge people for stupid questions?”

    “That will be thirty-eight cents.”

    “Wait a second. I’m being charged for asking stupid questions. That doesn’t make sense. It is a menu item. When I ask for the coleslaw, you give me the coleslaw and I give you money. So, why are you charging me when I’m giving you the stupid question?”

    “Alright, sir. Would you like to order the stupid question?”

    “Sure. I’m curious to find out what I get for thirty-eight cents.”

    “Why would you pay someone thirty-eight cents to hear them ask a question?”

    “…”

    “That will be thirty-eight cents.”


    @DrBwaa

    Critiques
    Spoiler
    Show

    He's young; no older than I am, but his face bears prominent traces of the sun and the sword.
    I can't decide if you are saying that he has a tattoo on his face or if his face is sunburned and scarred.

    If the man Clearly, there are elements at work here that I know nothing about,
    Huh?

    Is the man named Clearly? Did you forget the period after "man"? I don't think it is the latter, because "If the man" is not a sentence.

    I'm just confused here.

    the only way to get answers is to ask questions.
    I hear torture works wonders, too. Then you can form the questions as commands.

    That's as good a confirmation of my own thoughts as I'm likely to find anywhere.
    Well, you could ask, "What makes him despicable?" If he says that he is always saying it is rabbit season when it is clearly duck season, then I think everything will turn out fine. We might even get a good laugh.

    I wonder for only a moment longer who this scarred man is,
    Okay, now I know.

    He rises with surprising speed for someone with such a languorous approach to conversation.
    Speak softly, and take long strides like an Ent.

    It occurs to me briefly that this could be a trap.
    Has not Admiral Ackbar taught you anything! You bring shame to the Rebel Alliance!

    All at once, he stops short.
    Something about these two phrases used in unison just doesn't sound right. Although, I can't explain it. "All at once" just has a feeling of energy to it, but "he stops short" gives it a sense of anti-climax and it all happens in such rapid succession.

    Did that make sense? It's the best I can do to explain it. I know it isn't much, but it does bother me when I read it.

    lit only by stray fire- and starlight.
    I don't think that hyphen is supposed to be there.

    In an instant, he raises a loaded crossbow, points it at my head, and fires.
    "There was a sound of thunder." Oh, wait. Wrong story.

    It's very good. I enjoyed it. I do apologize for taking so long to critique it. You know how the holidays get, and it can take a while to recover from it.
    Last edited by mebecronck; 2014-01-13 at 07:59 PM. Reason: Decided it was unnecessary to add a disclaimer to my writing

    Some of Murphy's other laws.
    "Professionals are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs."
    "No plan survives the first contact intact."
    "If it's stupid, but it works, it isn't stupid."
    -Capt. Edward A. Murphy-
    Newton's Law of the Road
    "The object with more mass has the right-of-way."

  12. - Top - End - #582
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Arkhosia's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Hi guys!
    I might begin writing again soon.
    For those wondering about my hiatus, I'm afraid I was ensnared by the FFRP Zone.
    Last edited by Arkhosia; 2014-01-17 at 01:29 AM.
    "Are we living a life that is safe from harm? Of course not, we never are. But that's not the right question. The question is: are we living a life that is worth the harm?"
    ~Welcome to Night Vale

    Spoiler: Quotes from Friends <3
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by SliiArhem
    Arkh I may be slightly delirious but I don't think that would make sense even if I was coherent.

    Interested in the Nexus FFRP setting? Try joining our Discord server!

  13. - Top - End - #583
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    mebecronck's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Eastern U.S.A.
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Welcome back Arkhosia!

    Okay, I got a new contribution of snippetty goodness. Before we get to that, I just want to say to DrBwaa, "Don't let this new snippet impede your critiques for the newest Modern Bard installment. Don't make me write a sequel to 'My Impatience'! I got kittens. Who knows what I will do?"

    Alright, without further ado:

    Spoiler
    Show

    The Adventurers Odd

    Diabolically Despicable Dice … of DOOM!

    When we last left our heroes, they had just fallen into a dark hole. With no apparent way out, they decided to …

    “Are we really doing the whole ‘Last Time on’ blah, blah, blah thing?” Bob the Rogue taps his foot impatiently as he stares at the ceiling. “Let’s just get on with it.”

    Fine, if you insist. Bob the Rogue inches the door open further, ready for anything that might …

    “Uh, I would like a recap,” Jorge the Monk interrupts, confused as to where he is or what’s going on. The whole point for the recap being he just joined the group.

    “What was that last part? I couldn’t hear it over this annoying whining sound that is coming from the ceiling.” Bob the Rogue cups a hand over his ear to mock the pretentious voice in the sky.

    Varonis the Wizard walks up to Jorge with his arms out wide. “We fell through the desert floor. Bob fondled a locked door for half an hour. Then we saw two people camping in the hall out that door.” Varonis shrugs. “Now you’re caught up.”

    “Alright guys. Sorry I’m late.” Jorun the Paladin wakes up from his slumber and notices the new guy in the room. He draws his sword and says in as commanding a voice as he can muster, “Who are you and how did you get here?”

    “Relax dude, he’s a player character,” Bob says without any note of concern. “Why should I be concerned? It’s not like we are about to have a player versus player fight here.”

    “You could at least try to RP it a little” Jorun holds out his arms, pleading with Bob.

    Bob walks nonchalantly up to Jorge. “Fine, whatever.” Bob then raises his arms high above his head and says in a loud voice. “You. Look. Trustworthy.” He then gestures both arms towards the northern door. “Let us go and kill things. Together.”

    “Sure thing, mate.” Jorge gives Bob a thumbs up.

    “Are you happy now?” Bob glares at Jorun.

    “Ecstatic.” Jorun raises his hand to his face. He feels he’s doing that far too often lately.

    *****

    Bob once again returns to the door. Peeking outside, he can see three humanoid figures sitting around a campfire.

    “Whoa.” Bob steps away from the door and looks up. “Hold on here. ‘Three humanoid figures’ you say? I thought there was just two.”

    You got a new member in the group. I had to up the challenge somehow. Besides, you still outnumber them.

    “Look, fighting our way out of the dungeon is not a good idea anyhow. We have nowhere to retreat to.” Varonis speaks some words and the light on his staff fades. “I say we sneak past them.”

    Bob looks at Varonis sideways, then gestures at the heavily armored paladin with both hands. He waves his arms up and down as if he was trying to fan Jorun. “Unless you can manifest some full plate roller skates I don’t think sneaking is going to work out so well.”

    “So what do you think we should do?” Varonis crosses his arms and taps his boot.

    “Um, guys?” Jorge raises a hand and says, “How about we try to sneak past them and if they spot us we fight them?”

    Everyone looks at each other for a moment. Jorun sheathes his sword and breaks the silence. “That sounds good to me. Three to one; sneaking is the plan.”

    Bob the Rogue, oddly enough being the only one opposed to sneaking lets out a dejected sigh and says, “Well, let’s roll the dice.”

    Jorun restrains himself from covering his face with his hand.

    *****

    Bob and Varonis lead the way into the hallway. Jorun takes extra precaution in each step to prevent the layered metal plates in his armor from striking against each other. Once everyone is in the hall, Jorge follows behind, stomping his feet and shouts, “Why is everyone walking funny?”

    Bob stops dead in his tracks and whispers as loud as he can to the ceiling. “Nope! No way! That did not happen!”

    Well, how else do we explain the stealth checks? Jorun rolled a twenty, Jorge rolled a one, and after all the modifiers are applied Jorun’s result is still twice as good as Jorge’s.

    “Yes, but that still doesn’t make Jorge a complete idiot.”

    So, how would you explain a barefooted man in light clothes being louder than a knight in plate armor?

    “Perhaps my spell to manifest full plate roller skates worked after all?” Varonis answers meekly.

    “Actually, I was okay with ceiling man’s explanation.” Jorge interrupts the exchange. Everyone in the group turns their head slowly to face Jorge and stares at him, mouth agape and eyes wide. “What? I thought it was funny.” Jorge pauses for a moment, then shrugs, “What’s wrong with playing along?”

    “It’s not like it matters.” Orc A turns around from the campfire and draws his ax.

    “We could hear you in the other room,” Orc B adds as he stands up to face the adventurers and Orc C joins him.

    “Ummm …” Bob the Rogue tries to quickly come up with a plan. “No, you didn’t.” The sound of rolling dice echoes down the hall.

    “We did hear you.” Orc A answers with certainty.

    “No, you didn’t.” The sound of dice echoes down the hall, again.

    “Yes, we did!” Orc B answers with more certainty.

    “No, you didn’t.” The sound of the dice rolls echoes louder than before.

    “You do know that the difficulty of selling a bluff increases each time you fail to sell it,” Orc C states in a matter-of-fact manner.

    Bob pauses, and then says, “No, it doesn’t.”

    Orc B turns to Orc C and says, “You know what, I don’t think the difficulty does increase.”

    “I was certain it did just a second, ago.” Orc C scratches his head and turns to Orc B. “Now, I’m not so sure.”

    “Of course, the difficulty increases. It only makes sense for it to increase.” Orc A jumps in.

    “And you didn’t hear us in the other room.” Bob tries to add.

    “Don’t interrupt!” All the Orcs shout together, and then they carry on with their discussion.

    Jorun motions to the rest of the team to continue down the hallway. They stop at the first door they see. Bob goes through his routine of trap-checking and prays that the door will open. Fortunately, it opens without any trouble. The whole team piles into the room. The ramblings of difficulty classes fade as the door closes behind them.

    “Alright, I just have one thing to say,” Bob says as he points at the ceiling. “You really named them Orc A, B, and C? Really?!”

    It was a trash mob, I’m not about to name every enemy you’ll encounter.

    The team rests for a moment as they gather their composure. Jorge breaks the silence by asking, “How much XP for bypassing the trash mob?”
    Last edited by mebecronck; 2014-01-24 at 10:01 PM. Reason: Grammar mistakes

    Some of Murphy's other laws.
    "Professionals are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs."
    "No plan survives the first contact intact."
    "If it's stupid, but it works, it isn't stupid."
    -Capt. Edward A. Murphy-
    Newton's Law of the Road
    "The object with more mass has the right-of-way."

  14. - Top - End - #584
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Arkhosia's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    A small snippet!

    Dragonfire

    Spoiler
    Show
    There once was a town of Harrowfell
    Down by a mountain that those feared well
    For deep within the rocky spire
    Rested the source of dragonfire

    Heroes claimed they could defeat it no doubt
    Underestimating their predicament dire
    Many had entered and few had come out
    All bearing warnings of the dragonfire

    Then one day rode into town
    A woman with a blade armor-bound
    "Many have perished in that earthen spire
    But with my wits I will end the dragonfire"

    The woman entered, ready for combat
    And came across the beast, on heroes fat
    "What makes you think you can best my flame
    And win yourself honor and fame?"
    "Are we living a life that is safe from harm? Of course not, we never are. But that's not the right question. The question is: are we living a life that is worth the harm?"
    ~Welcome to Night Vale

    Spoiler: Quotes from Friends <3
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by SliiArhem
    Arkh I may be slightly delirious but I don't think that would make sense even if I was coherent.

    Interested in the Nexus FFRP setting? Try joining our Discord server!

  15. - Top - End - #585
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Dr Bwaa's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Boulder, CO
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    @mebecronck
    Spoiler: Comments
    Show
    Spoiler: Advent Villain
    Show
    I don't even keep my tools for my trade here.
    I don't think "even" or "for my trade" are necessary here. The sentence works fine without them.

    I keep that in "The Office".
    This is what he does; how he lives. He's not putting that in quotes in his head, so it shouldn't be in quotes here. You can keep the capitalization or not; either way the point comes across the same.

    as if he wants there meaning to have incredible weight.
    *their

    You see, they thought they were all safe
    It sounds like "they" is still referring to the speaker's "friends". You could make it clearer that you're talking about the congressmen now.

    The problem there is that, the threat of death is only an effective deterrent when dying is not already part of the plan.
    The first time I read this, I thought you were hinting at a suicide conspiracy amongst the House, which is obviously wrong. I'd make this sentence clearer, and give it more weight, by inserting a contrasting sentence before it, for example explaining how the "security and guards and everything" were standing ready to kill anyone who tried to do anything bad (but the threat of death... etc).

    He lowers his gun and moves in close to the camera. "There is no need to thank me. I am your friend, and I have done this to help you. Because I care."
    This guy is great. There were a few parts in his little soliloquy that I thought were a little rough, but with speech it's a little hard to tell how much of that is intentional voice. Either way, he comes across really well. This is a fun snippet


    Spoiler: DDD...D
    Show
    Fine, if you insist.
    Ah, yes; this campaign

    It’s not like we are about to have a player versus player fight here.”
    Does Bob really talk so stilted? He seems to use contractions really sparingly, and it sounds weird as a result (especially since this is a metagamey snippet series, where the characters are associated (if only loosely) with a player in our own time).

    He waves his arms up and down as if he was trying to fan Jorun.
    Great image.

    full plate roller skates
    There's no appropriate face in the markup for what I want here. Imagine a vacant smile with hearts for eyes as I'm picturing a Paladin on roller skates (maybe the skates are his special mount?)

    "Well, let's roll the dice."
    Nicely done!

    "It's not like it matters." Orc A turns around from the campfire and draws his ax.

    "We could hear you in the other room," Orc B adds
    :facepalm:
    Also, I love that their canon names are Orc A, Orc B, and Orc C.

    The sound of rolling dice echoes down the hall.
    Ha!

    Bob pauses, and then says, "No, it doesn't."

    Orc B turns to Orc C and says, "You know what, I don't think the difficulty does increase."
    Oh my God.

    "Don't interrupt!" All the Orcs shout together, and then they carry on with their discussion.
    Did you plan this to be a Troll scene?

    Jorge breaks the silence by asking, "How much XP for bypassing the trash mob?"
    lol. And a good, fitting ending. This is a fun one!

    Spoiler: Critique Response
    Show
    I can't decide if you are saying that he has a tattoo on his face or if his face is sunburned and scarred.
    Scarred and weathered, although that would be a sweet euphemism for "tattooed".

    If the man Clearly, there are elements at work here that I know nothing about,
    Huh?

    Is the man named Clearly? Did you forget the period after "man"? I don't think it is the latter, because "If the man" is not a sentence.

    I'm just confused here.
    Yeah, that one's on me. "If the man" was just a fragment I evidently didn't manage to remove. D'oh.

    Well, you could ask, "What makes him despicable?"
    That's a fair point. Brygar was really only looking for confirmation on the name (he was already trying to track down Hartlib Gwynek in connection with human trafficking), but that doesn't come across here at all, probably because I don't make any mention of it. Hmm.

    Has not Admiral Ackbar taught you anything! You bring shame to the Rebel Alliance!
    Brygar's been through a lot in his relatively short (yet surprisingly long) life. His dismissal of the idea isn't so much because he thinks it isn't a trap, but because he's frankly a little arrogant about his ability to survive such situations.

    "All at once" just has a feeling of energy to it, but "he stops short" gives it a sense of anti-climax and it all happens in such rapid succession.
    I do know what you mean, and I was never quite happy with this transition while I was writing it. I'll have to take it out back to the woodshed.

    lit only by stray fire- and starlight.
    I don't think that hyphen is supposed to be there.
    Indeed (or rather, it needed another one in "star-light" to make it work). Good catch.

    You know how the holidays get, and it can take a while to recover from it.
    I do indeed. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and critique this!



    @Arkhosia
    Spoiler: Dragonfire
    Show
    ...doubt
    ...dire
    ...out
    ...dragonfire
    Why do you change up the rhyme scheme in this stanza? I was wondering if it would be alternating, but it isn't, so I'm left somewhat curious instead.

    a blade armor-bound
    I... don't know how to make sense of this phrase.

    ["...]And win yourself honor and fame?"
    This is a strange thing for a Dragon to say by way of an introduction, even given the creative license of poetry: why are "honor and fame" supposed to be the goals of slaying the Dragon? Why would the Dragon care about those, or think that they're the motivation? I guess what I'm saying is that this just doesn't mesh with my view of how Dragons act, which is fine if we got a description of what to expect, but instead we get the "on heroes fat" line (which is great), which evokes the usual ruthless, egotistical killing machine.

    Overall, I enjoyed this--it's rather songlike. Though I think there needs to be more to the story to count it as a song!!
    For people who enjoy reading or writing.

    Spoiler
    Show

    Awesome banner/avatar by El_Frenchie!

    Play chess? Look me up! (bwaa)


    Formerly known as lordhenry4000

  16. - Top - End - #586
    Firbolg in the Playground
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    On my back, in my heart
    Gender
    Male2Female

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    You know, I should favorite this thread. I didn't see your commentary on my snippet 'till just now. I'll make the suggested changes.
    My Homebrew
    Five-time champion of the GITP monster competition!

    Current Projects:
    Crossroads: the New World: A pathfinder campaign setting about an alternate history of North America, where five empire collide in a magical land full of potential. On the road to publication!

    Epic Avatar and Sigitar by AlterForm
    Spoiler
    Show

  17. - Top - End - #587
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    mebecronck's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Eastern U.S.A.
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Gentlemen, behold! A snippet!

    Spoiler: The Adventurers Odd
    Show

    The Adventurers Odd

    Suddenly… Nothing Happens!

    The adventurers find themselves in a large empty room. The worked stone walls are wet from the humidity and reflect the light from Varonis’s staff. The floor pools water in the crevices between the giant stone tiles. The ceiling is smooth but cracked from the erosion of water.

    On the far side of the room are two wooden doors. Steam leaks from the borders of one door and a single dove made a nest above the other.

    If I go crazy, then will you still call me…

    Hello.

    “You left your cell phone on?” Bob stares at the ceiling in disbelief. Wait, just hold on a second guys.

    “Was that ‘Kryptonite’ by 3 Doors Down?” Varonis holds back laughter while looking at … Just hold on. I can’t take the call and narrate at the same time.

    Yes.

    Really?

    So, I can’t …

    Uh, huh.

    You can’t expect me to believe that.

    Okay, then.

    I will.

    Bye.

    Sorry, guys. I got to change up the room a little.

    “What? Why?” Bob holds his arms out and stares at the ceiling with a downcast expression.

    I was told I can’t use the dove. Apparently John Woo has copyrighted using them for symbolic purposes.

    “Could you at least tell us which door is which?” Varonis asks plainly.

    I thought I did.

    “No, you just told us a description of the doors. You didn’t say which door had which features.”

    Oh, well. It doesn’t matter now. Just give me a moment to rework this room and I we will move on.

    *****

    Varonis leans up against the wall and crosses his arms. He sees Jorun with his eyes closed. He is breathing in deeply through his nose and then exhales slowly through his mouth. “So, what you doing over there, Jorun?”

    “I’m trying to imagine what it would be like if I was in a party with players that actually RP.” Jorun answers without opening his eyes.

    “If you want to RP so badly then I will join in.” Varonis moves away from the wall and stands in front of Jorun. “You start.”

    Jorun takes in one last deep breath and opens his eyes. Jorun forces a smile that seems natural enough and speaks with Varonis in a voice that he believes mimics the tone used in the middle ages. He animates each sentence gesturing with his arms and hands.

    “Friend Varonis, I have been traveling with you for so long, yet it only now dawns upon me that I know nothing about you. If you would be so kind to indulge me for but a moment, I would like to hear your story. Mayhap we could begin with your past. Tell me, where did you train in the arcane arts?”

    “Oh, I was trained in a wizard academy.” Varonis tries to imitate the mannerisms of Jorun, but he was so taken aback by the energy Jorun put into his performance that he lost track of himself. “It is located on the west coast.”

    “From the coast you say?”

    “Yes. I am from the coast.”

    “You’re a wizard.”

    “Obviously.”

    “Then, you’re a wizard of the…”

    Whoa, whoa! Stop right there. Room’s done. Let’s get back to it.

    Jorun looks over at Bob and opens his mouth, but before he can get any words out Bob stands up and shouts, “Finally, let’s move out.”

    *****


    Bob looks up at the ceiling and says as if he is cursing, “How many doors this time? Five? Twenty?”

    Well, actually…

    If I go crazy…

    “AGAIN!” All three adventurers shout in unison.

    Hello…

    Yeah, it’s okay.

    Hope you feel better, soon.

    “So, is 3 Doors Down sick of your ring tone, too?” Varonis mocks the ceiling.

    Actually, that was Jorge saying he can’t make it today. He’s caught some nasty bug and is bedridden.

    “Oh, well.” Varonis stammers, feeling ashamed of his joke.

    Bob rolls his eyes. “Could we get on with it? We haven’t done anything in the past hour.”

    Across the room is one wooden door. The…

    “OH, THANK ALL THAT IS GOOD! JUST ONE DOOR!” Bob falls to his knees and clasps his hands above his head. He almost feels like crying. Also, may I finish the description now?

    “Yeah, sure. Sorry.”

    The door is scored in arcane markings. The patterns spiral outward from the center and cover every surface. There is no handle or any visible latch of any sort.

    “Well, now what?” Bob asks looking back and forth between Jorun, Varonis, and the door.

    “It’s got to be a trap of some sort.” Varonis says glaring at Bob.

    “The markings look like they would be in your wheelhouse.” Jorun says looking at Varonis.

    “I don’t want go near that thing until we know what we are dealing with.” Bob holds up his hands defensively.

    Perhaps you should roll your dice and see if your characters know something about this.

    “Good idea Occasionally-Helpful-But-Mostly-Annoying-Voice-In-The-Sky!” Bob points at the ceiling with a forced smile on his face.

    The sound of rolling dice echoes throughout the room as the adventurers strain through everything they know about doors. The details of hinges and knobs, the shaping of timber into planks, whether they swing in or out, and they even contemplate the mysterious nature of doors that slide open.

    Bob, who has studied many coded messages in his profession, feels enlightenment strike him. He turns his head sideways as he ciphers the meaning of some of the twisting symbols. He can tell that some of them speak of fire.

    Varonis, who has studied many fields of magic, notices a pattern intermittent between the various symbols. He can tell that there is a spell that reads something about people that move through the door.

    Jorun, who has just recently learned which end of the sword to hold, noticed, and is able to say with some certainty, that the door is made of wood.

    “I can’t believe you got a negative result.” Bob chuckles looking at Jorun.

    “Instead of making fun of my roll, why don’t you do something with what you learned?”

    “It’s obvious that the door is trapped with a spell that does fire damage to people with a certain alignment.” Bob walks straight up to the door and pushes it open.

    “Wow! Bold move, Bob.” Varonis claps his hands in applause. “How did you know it wouldn’t set you on fire?”

    “True neutral, baby!” Bob starts dancing and moonwalks through the door.

    Varonis approaches the door cautiously. He holds his breath as he moves through the threshold, and nothing happens. Breathing easy he turns around and looks at Jorun.

    Jorun stands a safe distance from the door. Sweat dripping from his brow, “What alignment are you Varonis?”

    “I thought you wanted to RP?” Varonis gives a soft laugh as he asks the question.

    “I’m picking my battles. Right now RPing is the least of my worries.”

    “I’m Lawful Neutral.”

    Jorun starts walking slowly towards the door. The whole time he repeats the same prayer in his head. Please, don’t be detect good. Please, don’t be detect good. Jorun makes it to the threshold. He takes a deep breath and steps forward.

    Intense heat wraps around his body. His armor contains the flames and turns his full plate into a Dutch oven. He lets a high pitch scream of pain as he stumbles the rest of the way into the room. Once he is through the door, the flames dissipate, but the damage is done.

    Varonis kneels down next to the motionless body of Jorun. He looks up at Bob with worry in his eyes and says, “He is still breathing, but it is shallow. I think he is unconscious.”

    “Oh, great.” Bob says with a blank face. He folds his arms and says, “Anyone remember to buy healing potions.”



    Now for replies.

    Dr Bwaa - Advent Villain
    Spoiler
    Show

    I keep that in "The Office".
    This is what he does; how he lives. He's not putting that in quotes in his head, so it shouldn't be in quotes here. You can keep the capitalization or not; either way the point comes across the same.
    I think of the quotation marks as part of the title for the place. He named it "The Office" sarcastically, and would think of the name with quotes around it even in his head. It is kind of like how Dr. Evil does the air quotes.


    Dr Bwaa - DDD ... D
    Spoiler
    Show

    It’s not like we are about to have a player versus player fight here.”
    Does Bob really talk so stilted? He seems to use contractions really sparingly, and it sounds weird as a result (especially since this is a metagamey snippet series, where the characters are associated (if only loosely) with a player in our own time).
    When I first wrote it and read through it, it didn't sound stilted. Now that you pointed this out, it doesn't sound natural anymore. What spell did you cast on me! WIZARD!

    "Don't interrupt!" All the Orcs shout together, and then they carry on with their discussion.
    Did you plan this to be a Troll scene?
    I'm going to guess you are talking about the movie, "Troll". I haven't seen it.
    Last edited by mebecronck; 2014-01-26 at 10:38 PM. Reason: Fixing grammar errors.

    Some of Murphy's other laws.
    "Professionals are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs."
    "No plan survives the first contact intact."
    "If it's stupid, but it works, it isn't stupid."
    -Capt. Edward A. Murphy-
    Newton's Law of the Road
    "The object with more mass has the right-of-way."

  18. - Top - End - #588
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Lord_Gareth's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2007

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Quote Originally Posted by Dr Bwaa View Post
    Lord_Gareth
    I, too, would like to see more of The Kinslayer. My vote is for Origins!
    It shall be done.

    I've read through Nail's PbP; it was very enjoyable. In general, her characterization is solid and consistent. The single thing I found a bit strange was the current plan, in light of Nail's reaction to hearing that some of Natasha's people had joined the other side--if she values oaths so strongly, I found it odd that her first idea would be to try to get mob members to betray each other. Obviously it seems likely to work, but it also makes it seem that she values some oaths more than others, which is counter to what I'd thought up until that point. If I had more to go on, I'd probably be able to come up with more, but rather than try to come up with more specific comments about Nail, I'm going to give you the impression of her that I get, just from reading that PbP.
    To explain this evident contradiction: in Nail's worldview, there is no lower, more base scum than oathbreakers. Murder, rape, theft - none of it holds a candle to breaking your sworn word, to betraying your family, to failing to uphold your oath. To her, the mobsters are already waerloch scum and as such anything she does to them - including inducing further oathbreaking - is justified.

    Nail is mostly soft-spoken and polite, and her voice has a musical lilt to it. She prefers to do her dirty work by-the-book, to keep her official legal record spotless, but her work is vicious and she enjoys it. However, she's deeply unhappy about the person she is.

    She is proud, and careful, and she responds well to brazen, honest bravado. She takes oaths extremely seriously, even implied promises or those between mortals. She's extremely passionate, quick to anger, and resorts to violence easily.
    I'd be interested in what, specifically, gave you the bolded impressions.
    Last edited by Lord_Gareth; 2014-01-26 at 10:33 PM.


    Quote Originally Posted by Chilingsworth View Post
    Wow! Not only was that awesome, I think I actually kinda understand Archeron now. If all the "intermediate" outer planes got that kind of treatment, I doubt there would be anywhere near as many critics of their utility.
    My extended homebrew sig

  19. - Top - End - #589
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Dr Bwaa's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Boulder, CO
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    @mebecronck
    Spoiler: Suddenly... Nothing Happens!
    Show
    The floor pools water in the crevices between the giant stone tiles.
    This is a kind of awkward phrasing. I might make the water the actor here (e.g. "the water pools on the floor, in the crevices...")

    The ceiling is smooth but cracked from the erosion of water.
    I know what you're trying to say, but typically "erosion of something" indicates that the "something" is what is being eroded, rather than the thing that's performing the erosion.

    Steam leaks from the borders of one door and a single dove made a nest above the other.
    You've got tense problems in this sentence; I'd probably try to find a way to put the dove's nest in present tense along with the rest of the snippet.

    If I go crazy, then will you still call me…

    Hello.
    lol.

    I was told I can’t use the dove. Apparently John Woo has copyrighted using them for symbolic purposes.
    lol.

    Just give me a moment to rework this room and I we will move on.
    Extra word.

    “I’m trying to imagine what it would be like if I was in a party with players that actually RP.” Jorun answers without opening his eyes.

    “If you want to RP so badly then I will join in.” Varonis moves away from the wall and stands in front of Jorun. “You start.”
    Oh yeah, this is going to go well.

    “Yes. I am from the coast.”

    “You’re a wizard.”

    “Obviously.”

    “Then, you’re a wizard of the…”

    Whoa, whoa! Stop right there. Room’s done. Let’s get back to it.
    Oy, lol.

    Bob rolls his eyes. “Could we get on with it? We haven’t done anything in the past hour.”
    You know what they say; D&D is half an hour of fun, all packed into four hours!

    Bob points at the ceiling with a forced smile on his face.
    These moments are just so great to visualize.

    Jorun, who has just recently learned which end of the sword to hold, noticed, and is able to say with some certainty, that the door is made of wood.
    I actually laughed out loud at this one.

    “True neutral, baby!” Bob starts dancing and moonwalks through the door.


    “Oh, great.” Bob says with a blank face. He folds his arms and says, “Anyone remember to buy healing potions.”
    Besides the fact that you're missing a question mark here, great ending And just think, the party got all the way through a whole doorway!


    Spoiler: DDD...D
    Show
    I was referring to the trolls from the Hobbit. I just thought the orcs were acting similarly ;-)


    @Lord_Gareth
    Spoiler
    Show
    ...she's deeply unhappy about the person she is.
    Parts of this I just picked up from "intonation", if that makes any sense in a textual context. Then, when I arrived at the scene in the jail cell, all that rage and frustration and loneliness was technically directed outwards, but it feels very personal and very much like a reflection on herself. Lines like this one: "...Natasha wouldn't have to see it, wouldn't have to know what she called..." were particularly potent.

    She's extremely passionate
    I don't mean this in a necessarily romantic way, or rather I do, but not with the meaning that that word carries in modern times. I meant that Nail is emotionally involved in her surroundings and her deeds. Again, the most prominent place here for me was the moment she learns of the "oathbreakers"; she has a visibly emotional response (rusting the fork) and then immediately needs to go get herself trashed in a holding cell.
    For people who enjoy reading or writing.

    Spoiler
    Show

    Awesome banner/avatar by El_Frenchie!

    Play chess? Look me up! (bwaa)


    Formerly known as lordhenry4000

  20. - Top - End - #590
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    mebecronck's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Eastern U.S.A.
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    @Dr Bwaa

    Thanks for the comments. I will be getting on the fixes soon. I also have a couple of new snippets to post once I (finished them up/started typing them). I been transferred to a new position at work and haven't had much time for anything lately.

    Spoiler
    Show

    “True neutral, baby!” Bob starts dancing and moonwalks through the door.
    I'm guessing you were hoping Bob the Rogue would be set on fire, or you are like me and hate it when players play True Neutral just so they don't have to worry about things like this.
    Last edited by mebecronck; 2014-03-03 at 09:51 PM.

    Some of Murphy's other laws.
    "Professionals are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs."
    "No plan survives the first contact intact."
    "If it's stupid, but it works, it isn't stupid."
    -Capt. Edward A. Murphy-
    Newton's Law of the Road
    "The object with more mass has the right-of-way."

  21. - Top - End - #591
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    mucat's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Quote Originally Posted by mebecronck View Post
    I'm guessing you were hoping Bob the Rogue would be set on fire, or you are like me and hate it when players play True Neutral just so they don't have to worry about things like this.
    In fairness...it's not usually things exactly "like this" that get abused. It annoys the hell out of me when a player thinks that writing "N" on their character sheet exempts them from any effort to play a consistent character. But if they have the unmitigated gall to think it means they can walk right through my cleverly placed door-that-punishes-certain-unspecified-alignments...I would be thinking "Serves me right for including that silly door."

  22. - Top - End - #592
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    mebecronck's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Eastern U.S.A.
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    @Mucat

    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by mucat View Post
    In fairness...it's not usually things exactly "like this" that get abused. It annoys the hell out of me when a player thinks that writing "N" on their character sheet exempts them from any effort to play a consistent character. But if they have the unmitigated gall to think it means they can walk right through my cleverly placed door-that-punishes-certain-unspecified-alignments...I would be thinking "Serves me right for including that silly door."
    Actually, this type of trap isn't that silly. Whoever created the dungeon (evil necromancer or whatever) placed this trap as a method to make sure that no one with a good alignment could enter freely. It basically acts as the club bouncer making sure that only "the right type" gets in. I got the idea from a DnD guidebook. Dungeonscape, if I remember the name right, or maybe the Stronghold builders guide. It came from a section explaining how to make the dungeon make sense to the players. Giving the rooms a purpose in the sense of the dungeon as a whole instead of designing the room around the encounter. Things along the lines.

    Oh, and as for the whole "unspecified-alignment" thing, there is a specified alignment. Detect good. The players just didn't figure it out. A trap isn't going to announce what sets it off. The person who sets a trap doesn't place a sign next to it that says, "Please stand here to fall in concealed pit."
    Last edited by mebecronck; 2014-03-05 at 12:32 AM. Reason: Further details.

    Some of Murphy's other laws.
    "Professionals are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs."
    "No plan survives the first contact intact."
    "If it's stupid, but it works, it isn't stupid."
    -Capt. Edward A. Murphy-
    Newton's Law of the Road
    "The object with more mass has the right-of-way."

  23. - Top - End - #593
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    TheWombatOfDoom's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Aldain
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Quote Originally Posted by mebecronck View Post
    The players just didn't figure it out. A trap isn't going to announce what sets it off. The person who sets a trap doesn't place a sign next to it that says, "Please stand here to fall in concealed pit."
    Oh that gives me an idea for a trap....

    A sign marked please stand here to fall in concealed pit. If they step around it, they fall in a bad concealed pit. If they stand on it, they fall into a concealed pit that leads them to the next room. The door on the other side of the trap? A fake.
    Scientific Name: Wombous apocolypticus | Diet: Apocolypse Pie | Cuddly: Yes

    World Building Projects:
    Magic
    : The Stuff of Sentience | Fate: The Fabric of Physics | Luck: The Basis of Biology

    Order of the Stick Projects:
    Annotation of the Comic | Magic Compendium of the Comic | Transcription of the Comic
    Dad-a-chum? Dum-a-chum? Ded-a-chek? Did-a-chick?
    Extended Signature | My DeviantArt | Majora's Mask Point Race
    (you can't take the sky from me)

  24. - Top - End - #594
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Dr Bwaa's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Boulder, CO
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    In the spirit of the original thread, and because I haven't had enough time to do all the writing I would like recently, and to keep this one moving along, I'm going to try to start posting some shorter stuff without worrying so much about style and polish. So keep a look out for that in the next couple of days!

    If anyone has any preferences as to the topic, here are your choices (your votes may even influence what I write, who knows!):

    • Something brief/comedic with the Wanderers
    • An avoidable PvE encounter with Brygar
    • Something brief/comedic with Laelah
    • An encounter for which Isra's party is unprepared
    • Something completely different
    Last edited by Dr Bwaa; 2014-03-17 at 06:25 PM.
    For people who enjoy reading or writing.

    Spoiler
    Show

    Awesome banner/avatar by El_Frenchie!

    Play chess? Look me up! (bwaa)


    Formerly known as lordhenry4000

  25. - Top - End - #595
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Arkhosia's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Suffering from writers block. :(
    "Are we living a life that is safe from harm? Of course not, we never are. But that's not the right question. The question is: are we living a life that is worth the harm?"
    ~Welcome to Night Vale

    Spoiler: Quotes from Friends <3
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by SliiArhem
    Arkh I may be slightly delirious but I don't think that would make sense even if I was coherent.

    Interested in the Nexus FFRP setting? Try joining our Discord server!

  26. - Top - End - #596
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    mebecronck's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Eastern U.S.A.
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Okay, I'm sitting at the keyboard. Let us see what comes from it.

    @Dr Bwaa
    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Dr Bwaa View Post
    In the spirit of the original thread, and because I haven't had enough time to do all the writing I would like recently, and to keep this one moving along, I'm going to try to start posting some shorter stuff without worrying so much about style and polish. So keep a look out for that in the next couple of days!

    If anyone has any preferences as to the topic, here are your choices (your votes may even influence what I write, who knows!):

    • Something brief/comedic with the Wanderers
    • An avoidable PvE encounter with Brygar
    • Something brief/comedic with Laelah
    • An encounter for which Isra's party is unprepared
    • Something completely different
    Something completely different. I'm always up for something new. Hey, look! A shiny penny.


    Now for something for everyone.

    Spoiler
    Show

    My Difficulties with Writing

    There are two particular things that I always have trouble with when it comes to writing. The first one is simply starting. The "sitting down and putting my fingers on the keyboard part" and the horrific sight of a blank page.

    Getting my butt in the chair is difficult enough. I have a lot of interests and as such I have a lot of things that will get in the way of writing. It's not that I don't enjoy writing. It's actually one of my favorite hobbies. I enjoy things that allow me to express my creativity and give me a sense of freedom. Nothing gives me a greater sense of freedom than painting an entire world with words.

    That being said, I still enjoy my other hobbies, too. I don't want to neglect them. I want to play that new game I just bought, and watch that new movie that just came out, and follow my favorite TV shows, and this, and that, and... You get the picture.

    I'm don't prioritize hobbies. I have thought of scheduling each day of the week to a different hobby, but then it would feel more like work. I don't want to write because its Tuesday, and Tuesday is writing day. I want to write because I want to write.

    Not to say that I don't take my hobbies seriously. When I discovered that I enjoy writing I picked up several books on the writing process. When I discovered my grammar skills have gotten rusty I picked up a grammar book. I always learn something new when someone critics my writing. I'm surprised by what parts people like and I pay attention when someone points out my mistakes (even if I don't always go back and correct them).

    I have digressed long enough, though. I did say there was two parts I have trouble with in writing.

    The second part is proofreading. Actually, going through and re-reading what I just wrote to see if I messed up anywhere. It feels like watching a movie then re-watching it immediately when it ends. I know, I could just wait a while and then go back to proofread it, but I hate to leave things unfinished. For me, the first half is writing, the second half is proofreading. So, why stop now that I'm half way done.

    Every hobby has certain aspects that you don't like. With games, it's grinding for XP. With movies, it's the price of the tickets and the snacks. With TV, it's the commercials. With writing, it's the proofreading. It makes me feel like a teacher grading a student's essay, and I'm the student! I become over-critical of every little thing and I'm surprisingly blind to even the most obvious of spelling errors.

    But you know what? I wouldn't give it up for the world.


    Some things in the works.

    Spoiler
    Show

    1. A new Adventurers Odd
    2. A new character profile
    3. A funny short story not connected to any other writing


    Some things on hold.

    Spoiler
    Show

    1. The Modern Bard (I need time think of where the story is going.)
    2. Jessica (I don't like how the story stands now. I might re-write it.)
    3. Horror Stories (Still trying to figure out how to scare the reader.Maybe if I type "boo" in all caps?)


    *Edit*
    Spoiler
    Show

    If you want to know why I decided to write about how why I sometimes have a hard time writing; it's simple. I sat down in front of my computer. I told myself "I'm writing something, dammit!" I couldn't think of what to write. So, I decided to write about that.

    A car doesn't move until the gears start turning.

    (If that is not a phrase, then I just made it one! )
    Last edited by mebecronck; 2014-03-21 at 10:08 PM.

    Some of Murphy's other laws.
    "Professionals are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs."
    "No plan survives the first contact intact."
    "If it's stupid, but it works, it isn't stupid."
    -Capt. Edward A. Murphy-
    Newton's Law of the Road
    "The object with more mass has the right-of-way."

  27. - Top - End - #597
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    BardGirl

    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Bunbury, Australia
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Wow. I think you just summed up my entire difficulty with writing too.

    I had some good advice from a friend the other day though, to write at least something (even if it's only 250 words) every day. But that also, whatever you write has to be something you're really invested in, and you need to have a pretty clear idea of where it's going. I think I might give it a try... starting tomorrow.

  28. - Top - End - #598
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    mebecronck's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Eastern U.S.A.
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    It has been more difficult than normal to sit down and write. I've had this idea for a short in my head for a long time and I finally got it down. Hope you enjoy it.

    Spoiler: The inspiration behind it.
    Show
    Edit* - Perhaps a little explanation would be prudent. I am trying for a deadpan style comedy writing here. The inspiration came when I was talking with someone at the grocery store on whether he should get bacon or sausage for breakfast. Instantly, my mind was filled by the tale of the battle for breakfast. Bacon and Sausage cannot share the same plate. They would kill each other before that would happen. I imagined the tale being told from Bacon's side like a soldier retelling the horrific events of war. It was kind of funny. So here we have the first draft of that. Tell me what you think, and who's side you are on.


    Spoiler: The Battle for Breakfast
    Show

    The Battle for Breakfast

    From the Journal of
    Captain Bacon

    March 16 – For as long as I can remember, Bacon has been the dominate force on the Platter, but everything changed when the Sausages arrived. They hold to the belief that Bacon has no business sharing the Platter with them. Well, I feel the same way. They leveled the First Course and I will never forgive them for it. Kill them all and let The Great Skillet sort them.

    March 27 – Private Bit uncovered some spies in our ranks. I had my suspicions. Their gristle didn’t smell right, and they are too lean to have passed inspection. They call themselves Turkey Bacon. I’m certain that I can repurpose them. Send them through the grinder and shape them up and I will have some double agents of my own. The Turkey Sausage will be invaluable in the future.

    April 1 – Through nerve racking negotiations we have secured a new ally, but I’m not sure we can trust them. It is important for us to bolster our forces with whoever might join our cause. The Sausages have joined the French Toast and we find ourselves sorely outnumbered. This alliance with the Canadian Bacon seems too timely. Private Bit will not stop talking about how they are practically cousins with our new enemies. I can’t tell the difference between them and a washed out Bologna. Command thinks they pass the smell test, so I have no choice but to integrate them into our troops.

    April 14 – The Turkey Sausage just sent disturbing information from the inside of Sausage HQ. They are developing a condiment of mass destruction, codenamed CHEESE. The power of this weapon is terrifying to behold. The few photos accompanying the file leave me worried. Surely the Sausages would not use something so devastating. There would be no Platter left for anyone to live on.

    April 20 – The information we received about CHEESE has been realized today. The Belgian Waffles, who wanted to remain neutral in this battle, was wiped from the face of the Platter today. There was nothing left.

    May 5 – The Canadian Bacon rep. just handed to me the first good news I have read in a long time. They just finished a condiment of mass destruction to counter that of CHEESE. I am fearful to use it, but the Sausages give us little choice. They will taste MAPLE SYRUP today!

    May 6 – Whenever I look over a battlefield I feel emotions of anger, sadness, disgust, or be overwhelmed by some unpleasant feeling. Yet, I have never looked over a battlefield and felt these emotions and direct them at myself. I made the call to use the MAPLE SYRUP, and now the field of battle is barren. The force of the weapon spread outside our predicted impact zone. It is impossible to ascertain all the casualties. Good Bacon and Canadian Bacon soldiers alike will forever be listed as MIA. I believe Private Bit was in the fallout zone, but I will never know for certain. All that is left is the smear across the Platter.

    May 7 – Despite our best efforts and the fallout of SYRUP Day, Sausage has won the Battle for Breakfast. Though the battle is lost, the war is far from over. We have gained new allies in Ground Beef Patty and Hamburger Bun. The Battle for Breakfast is over, but The War for Lunch has just begun. There is no room on the Platter for Sausage!

    Last edited by mebecronck; 2014-04-25 at 09:38 PM.

    Some of Murphy's other laws.
    "Professionals are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs."
    "No plan survives the first contact intact."
    "If it's stupid, but it works, it isn't stupid."
    -Capt. Edward A. Murphy-
    Newton's Law of the Road
    "The object with more mass has the right-of-way."

  29. - Top - End - #599
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Lord_Gareth's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2007

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    Frustrations
    Just a day
    Spoiler
    Show
    The clock on the wall ticked.

    It was about this close to driving Natty insane. Who in their right mind built wall clocks that ticked? And who bought the damn things? She'd spent a month at a ranger station with nothing but the stores there and her own hunting skills to feed herself, no cell reception, no internet, and even then there'd been a damn digital clock.

    "I realize there's just half an hour before your shift is over," a patronizing voice said from the entrance to her cubicle, "but you're still expected to work, Ms. Sokolov."

    Natty sighed and rubbed her temples. "Yessir," she said quietly. "Sorry sir, just lost in thought."

    "You work in a clerical position," her manager said with a too-friendly smile. "Thought shouldn't be involved."

    Natty restrained her urge to hit him while he walked away, as she did every day. The computer beckoned to her, demanding attention as it did every day between 9 and 5.

    Clocking out failed to bring any satisfaction.

    Detroit in autumn wasn't the best place to be - the cold coming in made already desperate people downright savage, at times. Natty walked to her car with a cautious eye, and was rewarded for her trouble when she saw that a man approaching her was fingering something inside his coat. When he pulled his knife to try mugging her, Natty's blade - a military-issue survival knife, purchased from a surplus store and lovingly maintained - was already hovering in front of his throat.

    "That didn't go according to plan, huh?" Natty said sweetly, tucking a lock of blonde hair behind her ear. The would-be criminal stared silently at the blade, weighing his options.

    "Look, here's the deal buddy," Natty continued with a sigh. She reached into her purse and fished in it for a moment without taking her eyes off of the man she was threatening, then withdrew a $100 bill. "You can take this and go, or you can put on your big boy undies and try to fight me. I've got plenty of money, it's not a trouble to share some. Take it and get something warm to eat, huh?"

    The man nodded silently, his eyes still on the blade. Natty pressed the bill into his hand and stepped back, then watched as the mugger ran away as fast as his feet could carry him. The blonde put her knife back into its sheath inside her coat and kept walking to her car. One of the mirrors had been smashed in by something. Natty noted it and unlocked the vehicle so she could drive home.

    A car accident forced her to detour, and Natty got lost for nearly half an hour before finally figuring out another route to the apartment she shared with her brother. She parked the car and climbed the stairs to their third-floor apartment. The door was locked - not a big deal, given the whole 'keys' concept.

    Her brother was right where she'd left him - laying down on the couch, staring blankly at whatever was - oh hell, was he so out of it that he was watching The 700 Club? Natty scowled in disgust and picked up the remote. There was no reaction from her brother when she turned off the show, no acknowledgment that she'd walked in. The blonde sat down on the couch next to his feet and looked over.

    "You can't keep doing this, Dimitri," she said softly. "You've gotta get back to having a life."

    "Make me," Dimitri muttered sullenly.

    Natty sighed and rubbed her temples, "Way to be five years old, Dimitri. You haven't done anything all day, have you?"

    Silence.

    "I'll order pizza," Natty said with a sigh. "You're cooking tomorrow, you lazy ass. Get up off the couch."

    "What happened to familial love?"

    "If you don't get up I'm gonna love breaking my foot off in your ass," Natty answered as she stood up from the couch and began searching for the phone with an irritated sigh.

    "Something happen today?" Dimitri asked, concerned.

    "Nothing that doesn't happen most days."


    Quote Originally Posted by Chilingsworth View Post
    Wow! Not only was that awesome, I think I actually kinda understand Archeron now. If all the "intermediate" outer planes got that kind of treatment, I doubt there would be anywhere near as many critics of their utility.
    My extended homebrew sig

  30. - Top - End - #600
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    mebecronck's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Eastern U.S.A.
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

    @Lord_Gareth

    Spoiler
    Show
    Who in their right mind built wall clocks that ticked?
    I believe the original clocks ticked from the mechanical motion of the gears inside. It was not done intentionally.

    "Yessir," she said quietly.
    Is “Yessir” just her speaking rapidly, or is this a typo?

    "You work in a clerical position," her manager said with a too-friendly smile. "Thought shouldn't be involved."
    Oh, no. A male boss just told her female employee that her job is not to think.

    Quick! Hide this from Tumblr! Don’t let them see it. We can’t survive the storm!

    Clocking out failed to bring any satisfaction.

    Detroit in autumn wasn't the best place to be
    Just being honest here, but I found the pacing about jarring. A lot happened within the following paragraph that I kept backtracking to figure out where I am and what’s going on.

    The would-be criminal stared silently at the blade, weighing his options.
    To be, or not to be?

    I've got plenty of money, it's not a trouble to share some.
    Where’d she get so much money? I thought she was a secretary, and they don’t get paid that much.

    The door was locked - not a big deal, given the whole 'keys' concept.
    2B, or not 2B?

    oh hell, was he so out of it that he was watching The 700 Club?
    None but the dead can find peace in “The 700 Club”.

    The blonde sat down on the couch next to his feet and looked over.
    You keep calling her “The Blonde”. Is there significance in reinforcing our knowledge of her hair color, or is her full name Natty Blonde?

    Conclusion: Not bad. It was entertaining, and I would like to see what happens next if you plan on turning this into a series.
    Last edited by mebecronck; 2014-05-11 at 07:36 PM. Reason: Spoilers!

    Some of Murphy's other laws.
    "Professionals are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs."
    "No plan survives the first contact intact."
    "If it's stupid, but it works, it isn't stupid."
    -Capt. Edward A. Murphy-
    Newton's Law of the Road
    "The object with more mass has the right-of-way."

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •