Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping

[dehro]

Spoiler

Show

My first girlfriend and I just (a few days ago) broke up - we'd only been together for two months, and it wasn't much of a relationship cause we barely ever saw each other (she's a very very busy person). She did the breaking up, and I acted devastated. I was sort of sad I guess, but I was also secretly relieved, cause since a long while before (and all through the relationshp) I'd had feelings for my best female friend. Who my best friend also likes. Who is the good friend of my ex. Who's ex is a friend of mine. Who's other friend likes me (and we sort of dated, she broke it off, a few months later decided she wanted to go out out with me and I'm not interested at all).

so...you're confused? imagine that!
I'm trying to draw a diagram of the situation here... it's not helping

Ah yeah - that's another thing. Drink may seem very attractive, but it will just make you feel worse and more upset.

A glass of whatever at most, but don't get drunk or tipsy. Alcohol being a depressent and all.

I did say virtual

[Mikhailangelo]

It's quite true that nobody needs a romantic relationship. I am actually quite content without a romantic relationship. I could live a full life and die happy without one. But I still really want a fulfilling romantic relationship. However, there are aromantic people who are still quite socially functional. Romance, love, and sex are all pretty important, but if you have enough going on in your life, you can get along without them. Generally. As I pointed out earlier, though, levels of need vary from person to person. I imagine there are many people who are in a much sorrier state without romance.

I'd vehemently disagree with that. I am cripplingly emotionally dependent, and quite deeply and truly need a romantic relationship. For the first time in four years (Not with the one person, I've literally hopped from relationship to relationship three times over the course of that period) I'm single and I am not coping at all. It's only been eight weeks and yet I'm horribly depressed, nigh suicidal and utterly unmotivated in general. I know for a fact there are people out there that can deal without romance, but I am not one of them. I crave it more than anything and quite genuinely need it to function. So, yeah, I'm probably the exception to your general proposition :P

[DeadManSleeping]

It's Gone. I've had a nice long facebook message saying that "I'm not attracted to you, I love you, but I'm not willing to put the effort in to make the relationship work, I really want to be freinds with you and if you decide that you can't do that then you're being childish"

This...looks like textbook emotional abuse. I mean, here, let me abbreviate it: "You're worthless, only I care about you, and you're a fool if you don't accept what I give you".

Get rid of this person. They are toxic to you.

Spoiler

Show

I'm confused as hell right now. My first girlfriend and I just (a few days ago) broke up - we'd only been together for two months, and it wasn't much of a relationship cause we barely ever saw each other (she's a very very busy person). She did the breaking up, and I acted devastated. I was sort of sad I guess, but I was also secretly relieved, cause since a long while before (and all through the relationshp) I'd had feelings for my best female friend. Who my best friend also likes. Who is the good friend of my ex. Who's ex is a friend of mine. Who's other friend likes me (and we sort of dated, she broke it off, a few months later decided she wanted to go out out with me and I'm not interested at all).

So I really don't know what to do right now. I've talked to my best friend and - she knows he likes her and isn't interested - and he's been insisting I go for it. So have the other two people I've talked it over with. Still I'm confused as hell. She's my best female friend, she's shown signs of being attracted to me I think, but I'm known for drawing the wrong conclusions from these things. Some tip-offs - there are a lot but I'll spare you guys a list - are things like saying ''I wish guys would just make a move'' shortly followed by ''I only develop feelings for people I'm really close to'' shortly followed by ''I can tell when people like me''. But y'know, I could really easily be jumping to conclusions.

And then there's the final point that - yeah I have strong feelings for her, but do I want a relationship right now, I know I'd be insanely happy if I were with her but I'm just so used to heartbreak that is it even worth the effort? We're teenagers, teenage relationships aren't known for their longevity. Me and her have made plans to head to a party and hook up with random people, much to the dismay of her friends and mine.

So now I guess what I'm saying is I am confused as hell.

Spoiler

Show

It is possible for young relationships to end in happily ever after. Just unlikely because of the way people change throughout the years.

If you want to be with her, be with her. Always be open and honest and accepting. With her and with yourself. If you care about someone, you should always try.

"So used to heartbreak"? I mean, really. You just said you've only had one girlfriend, and you weren't even that broken up about it. I think maybe you're more scared to make a move than scared about the relationship ending badly.

I'd vehemently disagree with that. I am cripplingly emotionally dependent, and quite deeply and truly need a romantic relationship. For the first time in four years (Not with the one person, I've literally hopped from relationship to relationship three times over the course of that period) I'm single and I am not coping at all. It's only been eight weeks and yet I'm horribly depressed, nigh suicidal and utterly unmotivated in general. I know for a fact there are people out there that can deal without romance, but I am not one of them. I crave it more than anything and quite genuinely need it to function. So, yeah, I'm probably the exception to your general proposition :P

That's the sort of thing you should see a psychologist for, not slap on a romantic band-aid and tell yourself that makes it all better. Please seek professional help for your depression.

I do know people who obsess all the time about romance and continually whine when they can't get it. I do not believe they need romance to function, however, since I have seen them function without it and fail to function with it. I don't know you well enough to know if this is the case with you, but I wonder how many avenues to happiness you have pursued? There are many ways for a person to feel successful, accomplished, and worthy, and I bet you can name plenty of people that you know who've wasted their lives going after something they were told makes everyone happy, but got nothing from it in the end. You might find that other things in life can bring you fulfillment.

Or maybe not. I'm not all-knowing.

Just most-knowing

[Sholos]

I'd vehemently disagree with that. I am cripplingly emotionally dependent, and quite deeply and truly need a romantic relationship. For the first time in four years (Not with the one person, I've literally hopped from relationship to relationship three times over the course of that period) I'm single and I am not coping at all. It's only been eight weeks and yet I'm horribly depressed, nigh suicidal and utterly unmotivated in general. I know for a fact there are people out there that can deal without romance, but I am not one of them. I crave it more than anything and quite genuinely need it to function. So, yeah, I'm probably the exception to your general proposition :P

What DMS said, this is something you should talk to a professional about. Nothing beyond actual necessities (water, food, shelter) should have that kind of control over your life.

[Starwulf]

What DMS said, this is something you should talk to a professional about. Nothing beyond actual necessities (water, food, shelter) should have that kind of control over your life.

I just want to third this. I was going to say the exact same thing considerably earlier, but I didn't want to be the person who did it first, but yeah it definitely sound like you suffer from some pretty bad depression(and this comes from someone who used to suffer quite bad from it). No-one should require a romantic relationship in order to function, you're forming some pretty bad emotional bonds inside your head and it's going to get harder and harder to break away from that pattern the longer you delay visiting a psychiatrist.

[Coidzor]

I'll fourth it then. Yeah, I have some unpleasant tendencies that could lead to codependent behavior if I were to let them fester or indulged them, but I don't like them, and I definitely don't want to encourage them. Then again, if I had the current wherewithal, I'd probably be seeing a professional about them and I'm not even really in the market at the moment.

ION:

Spoiler

Show

How the hell am I supposed to take an admission from someone I'm not dating that they can't sleep without me in the room?

They certainly aren't acting like they think we're dating.

[Mikhailangelo]

That's the sort of thing you should see a psychologist for, not slap on a romantic band-aid and tell yourself that makes it all better. Please seek professional help for your depression.

I do know people who obsess all the time about romance and continually whine when they can't get it. I do not believe they need romance to function, however, since I have seen them function without it and fail to function with it. I don't know you well enough to know if this is the case with you, but I wonder how many avenues to happiness you have pursued? There are many ways for a person to feel successful, accomplished, and worthy, and I bet you can name plenty of people that you know who've wasted their lives going after something they were told makes everyone happy, but got nothing from it in the end. You might find that other things in life can bring you fulfillment.

Or maybe not. I'm not all-knowing.

Just most-knowing

I have an very satisfying proto-career in a field that I absolutely love, I do thoroughly enjoy my work and I have plenty of friends to socialise with when I have the time. I'm a bit swamped with work right now, but I have plenty of hobbies for the times where things are not quite so intense - Every other aspect of my life is A-Ok, I am just not able to cope with being on my own and having no one to share my day with, or show affection towards or just generally be with. I have no love for myself, and being generally emotionally healthy saving that, I resultantly give everything to any relationship I'm in. Without that outlet, I'm left in the state described above.
Well, that and I absolutely can't stand my own company and I need to be distracted from the fact that I am me at every opportunity.

I've been to professionals before - I've got cyclothymia, but I've neglected to medicate it based on the fact that the side effects are literally terrible - I can deal with the worst low (a.k.a the state I am in now) better than those.

I am nigh suicidal at this point - But I'm fighting tooth and nail to stop myself falling back to rock bottom. Regardless, the important people in my life know me well enough to prevent anything from deteriorating to that level.

I know what my own issues are. Sometimes it helps to get another perspective though. Thank you all.

[Last_resort_33]

*cuddles* Keep close to your friends. Keep yourself busy and doing things. Don't stop doing things. The hardest part will be when you have to try sleep at night - it's the only time in the day where you have to stop doing things to keep yourself busy.

I find chocolate works as well. If you can find a death by chocolate cake somewhere, eat it all. ALL the cake. Chocolate is a life saver.

*more hugs* You have my deepest sympathies.

Thank you. I have been at a friend's house since.

Last night, I put out a message saying that I needed to go to the pub, and wouild people join me. About 15 people came about 3 hours notice, and a good proportion of them had spent the afternoon with him. I want my friends to know that although I don't want to be in social situations with him, I dont want them to have to choose one of us to be friends with. Everyone was really nice.

Not drinking will be hard, especially when I can't sleep. I'll keep you updated.

Eating on the other hand is quite hard. I've had a bread roll in the past 36 hours (not too much of a bad thing at my weight, but still not great)

What I said was in the message was me paraphrasing, not word for word, but it was quite an essay. He says he's not really into guys anymore, which is hard. I am really going to miss his girlfriend and I really don't want to want her to blame herself. She will.

Thanks guys

[dehro]

a middle ground does exist, between the terminally asocial and them that need a partner like their life depends on it... it's where most people live. It includes plenty of people who don't need a relationship "right now"; where right now can mean months or years.. and can be a conscious decision or an excuse they keep telling themselves because they don't have a partner, no matter how much they'd like one...
... and people who acknowledge that they function better when they're emotionally satisfied and who seek this satisfaction in having a partner.. sometimes it means these suffer a lot when they don't have one, sometimes it means they have a number of meaningless relationships inbetween less meaningless ones.. sometimes it just means they put an effort to make what they got work for them.. and sometimes they just strike gold and manage to find and keep what they looked for, for the rest of their life.

not every path needs to be travelled hand in hand with a shrink.
to be honest, it kinda irks me that half the time these things are mentioned.. no matter how "severe" they may look, or indeed how harmless, the first answer a lot of people give is "seek professional help".
if less people did that, I think less people would feel like they're in a bottomless pit they can't get out off unless an expert in spelunking throws them a rope made of candyfloss.
maybe I'm naive... call me stupid if you like.. I can't help but feeling that half the ailments for which people seek out the help of a psychiatrist who then puts a label on whatever he finds (because let's face it, he's got to pay the bills too).. can be cured by a night out in town, reading a good book or having a wank.

[Astrella]

Eh, most people recommend a therapist. A therapist is someone you can talk to in the first place, which is something everyone can use.

[Starwulf]

a middle ground does exist, between the terminally asocial and them that need a partner like their life depends on it... it's where most people live. It includes plenty of people who don't need a relationship "right now"; where right now can mean months or years.. and can be a conscious decision or an excuse they keep telling themselves because they don't have a partner, no matter how much they'd like one...
... and people who acknowledge that they function better when they're emotionally satisfied and who seek this satisfaction in having a partner.. sometimes it means these suffer a lot when they don't have one, sometimes it means they have a number of meaningless relationships inbetween less meaningless ones.. sometimes it just means they put an effort to make what they got work for them.. and sometimes they just strike gold and manage to find and keep what they looked for, for the rest of their life.

not every path needs to be travelled hand in hand with a shrink.
to be honest, it kinda irks me that half the time these things are mentioned.. no matter how "severe" they may look, or indeed how harmless, the first answer a lot of people give is "seek professional help".
if less people did that, I think less people would feel like they're in a bottomless pit they can't get out off unless an expert in spelunking throws them a rope made of candyfloss.
maybe I'm naive... call me stupid if you like.. I can't help but feeling that half the ailments for which people seek out the help of a psychiatrist who then puts a label on whatever he finds (because let's face it, he's got to pay the bills too).. can be cured by a night out in town, reading a good book or having a wank.

The thing is Dehro, is that oftentimes the things people describe are very indicative of depression or something along those lines, and as per forum rules, when stuff like that is brought up, we are forbidden to give anything remotely considered medical advice, so the de-facto response is "Seek professional help". Regardless of that fact, I myself would STILL tell Mikhailangelo to seek professional help. The person in question is talking about being "nigh-suicidal" because he is not currently in relationship. I don't know about you, but that absolutely screams "Emotional/mental problems" to me, and not just in a semi-loud voice, I'm talking about in a "Top of the lungs, can hear it from a mile away" kind of voice. I'm coming from first-hand experience with an actual, credible suicide attempt(I downed 48 pills of a tempo-increasing nature at one time in attempt to give myself a heart-attack).

Everything he is describing, right down to the "Oh, I'm handling it just fine, better then the side-effects of any medicine I could take" is quite similar to how I was, and I would still strongly recommend he attend at least a shrink if nothing else, someone that is a professional that he can talk it out with. Beyond that, all I can say is, whlie I may not know him personally, I am worried about his mental-health and I truly hope that he can make it through his problems and come out the other side. From one person with issues to another.

[DeadManSleeping]

@mikhail: I'm sorry to hear that you don't respond well to medication (there's lots of kinds out there, but it all has some kind of side effect, so I'm not sure how much time you want to spend with guess-and-check). Still, the sort of emotional dependence you talk about will often end up sabotaging any relationship that you have. It may be a good idea for you in the long run to seek some outlets. It may sound odd, but those friends you have who look out for you? They love you. If you need someone to talk to, I bet one of them will be there. The idea of having one person who can handle all the emotional overload you give them is pleasant to anyone, but no one person can do that for any other one person. Always remember the other people who care about you. Heck, even strangers are often happy to listen.

@dehro: I know that depression might sound like it's just really bad sadness, but it's as much of a medical issue as a malfunctioning organ. While there are a lot of medical issues that can be survived for a while, nobody is going to say you shouldn't see a doctor over a broken leg, are they? Except much fewer people have died of broken legs than of depression.

[Serpentine]

Last Resort 33: I know we haven't really talked much on here, and we've only actually met the once. But I am in the area until the end of the week if you want to hang out, receive IRL hugs, yell at me, do something entertaining or whatever.

[Last_resort_33]

Last Resort 33: I know we haven't really talked much on here, and we've only actually met the once. But I am in the area until the end of the week if you want to hang out, receive IRL hugs, yell at me, do something entertaining or whatever.

I may do so. I was thinking of coming to Leeds to grab some stuff from his folks, so If my mental state allows, I may drop by. Thank you.

[dehro]

@dehro: I know that depression might sound like it's just really bad sadness, but it's as much of a medical issue as a malfunctioning organ. While there are a lot of medical issues that can be survived for a while, nobody is going to say you shouldn't see a doctor over a broken leg, are they? Except much fewer people have died of broken legs than of depression.

true, but none of us would try to diagnose a broken leg or a fracture over the web..especially not on here. telling someone to go see a psychiatrist, to me equates to saying "you've got a broken leg/brain tumor/lazy eye" ..it's a statement that carries a diagnosys.

I may be wrong, but that's how I would interpret it if it was aimed at myself.

[Serpentine]

I may do so. I was thinking of coming to Leeds to grab some stuff from his folks, so If my mental state allows, I may drop by. Thank you.

Coolios. I'm just chillin' at Guy's. Gotta go get a key cut soon, anyways....

true, but none of us would try to diagnose a broken leg or a fracture over the web..especially not on here. telling someone to go see a psychiatrist, to me equates to saying "you've got a broken leg/brain tumor/lazy eye" ..it's a statement that carries a diagnosys.

I may be wrong, but that's how I would interpret it if it was aimed at myself.

No, not at all. It is far more like telling someone "you have a piece of bone sticking out of your leg? That could be broken. You should probably go see a doctor, because we can't really help with medical stuff here." Or, if you want to be less... thingo, "you jumped from a high place and hurt your leg which is now swelling up and you can't stand on it? It's possible that's a broken bone, but we can't know by description alone and we're not allowed even to try according to forum rules. You should see a doctor about it, just in case."

[rogueboy]

not every path needs to be travelled hand in hand with a shrink.
to be honest, it kinda irks me that half the time these things are mentioned.. no matter how "severe" they may look, or indeed how harmless, the first answer a lot of people give is "seek professional help".
if less people did that, I think less people would feel like they're in a bottomless pit they can't get out off unless an expert in spelunking throws them a rope made of candyfloss.
maybe I'm naive... call me stupid if you like.. I can't help but feeling that half the ailments for which people seek out the help of a psychiatrist who then puts a label on whatever he finds (because let's face it, he's got to pay the bills too).. can be cured by a night out in town, reading a good book or having a wank.

As Starwulf said, the suggestion to see a professional is because we aren't allowed to give medical advice, and pretty much anything truly useful (other than personal anecdotes, at least) can be construed as such. So we don't have a whole lot else we can give.

As to the label/diagnosis thing: I see this being, often, a symptom of our health care and insurance system as anything. In order for most insurances to cover a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist/etc, they need to have a diagnosis in order to explain why they're covering it. Which means that regardless of whether or not someone has a properly diagnosable issue, it's going to be diagnosed as *something*, so that insurance will pay for the sessions. Not the ideal situation, but it's what we have, currently.

@dehro: I know that depression might sound like it's just really bad sadness, but it's as much of a medical issue as a malfunctioning organ. While there are a lot of medical issues that can be survived for a while, nobody is going to say you shouldn't see a doctor over a broken leg, are they? Except much fewer people have died of broken legs than of depression.

I've gone to see a doctor for what seemed like it might have been a fractured clavicle (large amounts of pain across the collarbone whenever I moved my arm, having hit the back of my shoulder fairly hard the day before). Not a damn thing they could have done if it was fractured, but I'm still going to go see someone to figure out what's going on. Compare that with depression: therapists can do a LOT for things like depression. Far more useful to see a therapist than a doctor, in those cases, but people still think of seeing a therapist as an admission of something being horribly wrong with them.

edit: The above is my example of what Serp said above me. Hurray for near-simultaneous posts!

[Ursus the Grim]

Hey guys, its been a while.

Spoiler

Show

So I've got this friend. . . no, seriously!

Erm, the mutual best friend of myself and my fiancee has finally begun to be upset by her single status. She just started grad school and hasn't had a relationship since high school, a rather unhealthy one that was. She's experimented but has decided she would want to settle down with a man.

The problem is that she's been consistently upset about her single status lately. I'm sure its not easy because everyone she knows is occupied. Her room-mate and best friend is getting married (to me), another roommate just got engaged and a third cycles through relationships like. . . well, you get the idea. Though I don't think most of her friends are in good relationships (because they are, unfortunately, idiots), she doesn't see it that way and sees it as some sort of failure. My fiancee is normally the one trying to comfort her, as she doesn't let herself show tears in front of me (which actually almost hurts my feelings.) However, my fiancee is horrible at that sort of thing, and somehow I've gained a reputation for being 'good' at it.

The girl (let's say M) is by no means unattractive. She has a body type that leads her to believe she is fat, but she stays in shape as much as her genes will allow. She has a pretty face, a buxom build, and most importantly, a great (if overly passive) personality. She claims there aren't many boys her age at Grad School (she attends George Mason Uni in VA) and there aren't any guys in our social circle, at least not available ones. I'm mostly worried because she goes drinking with some of the other friends, and hates being the only sober one at the party. Bad things have happened before, but my fiancee and I won't always be there to pull her in. I've tried to explain that she won't find Mr. Right while in a brownout, and judging by the travesty that she said St. Patrick's day was, she might start agreeing. Unfortunately, I've got no other suggestions. I really don't know anybody who might be her type, but that may be me being too judgmental and/or protective of my friend. She created an EHarmony account, but she's bought into the stigma that is often attached to online dating. I would prefer online dating to getting wasted with stupid friends, personally, but she doesn't see it that way.

What can I say/suggest my fiancee says to help her relax? What can we do to help her find a guy or convince her that she doesn't need one? We've tried all the usual things, but she doesn't buy any of it. "You'll find someone. . . Yes, you are pretty," etc.

More details as requested, I know this girl pretty well.

[Reluctance]

Funny story about online dating. Not only do plenty of people do it nowadays, but if you're one of those weirdos who still thinks it's shameful to admit, you can always lie about where you met.

Paid sites probably aren't the best thing for someone her age, since they have a lot of nonpaying members clogging up the ranks. PlentyofFish and OKCupid are the big names in free online dating. Just be sure to have a friend with writing skills, and ideally some ad skills, help give her some polish. I don't know whether a lot of what I see is people thinking that they don't have to sell themselves, or having no talent at it. Either way, it's depressing.

Do that along with getting her to volunteer here and there. The point being to get her some attention. She seems like she needs the self-esteem boost. Put her in places where she's not in such fierce competition for male attention, and let her loose.

She will run into many disasters this way, be warned. But she's not going to realize how poor a strategy "I want a relationship to happen right this moment" is until she experiences it firsthand. Better to deal with it head on than let her marinate in the bar scene indefinitely.

[Ursus the Grim]

Funny story about online dating. Not only do plenty of people do it nowadays, but if you're one of those weirdos who still thinks it's shameful to admit, you can always lie about where you met.

Paid sites probably aren't the best thing for someone her age, since they have a lot of nonpaying members clogging up the ranks. PlentyofFish and OKCupid are the big names in free online dating. Just be sure to have a friend with writing skills, and ideally some ad skills, help give her some polish. I don't know whether a lot of what I see is people thinking that they don't have to sell themselves, or having no talent at it. Either way, it's depressing.

Do that along with getting her to volunteer here and there. The point being to get her some attention. She seems like she needs the self-esteem boost. Put her in places where she's not in such fierce competition for male attention, and let her loose.

She will run into many disasters this way, be warned. But she's not going to realize how poor a strategy "I want a relationship to happen right this moment" is until she experiences it firsthand. Better to deal with it head on than let her marinate in the bar scene indefinitely.

Thanks for the suggestion. I hadn't considered volunteer work. A lot of her time is spent as a tutor, but for obvious reasons cute high-school seniors are off-limits.

Luckily for her, she's an English major and long-time writing tutor, so I think she can handle writing her profile.

[Lord Loss]

Thanks to everyone who responded. I admit I was in a bit of a dramatic depressive mood at the time (as in not thinking clearly) and now that I've had time to think it over, it doesn't really seem like much of a big deal. So I'll bring it up, hold her hand, go for a kiss, whatever seems to come more naturally... so yeah thanks everyone.

And yeah that used to heartbreak thing... I've been in only a single relationships but I have dated/fallen hard for people only to get rejected. So my very moody self exaggerated it like hell.

So thanks again to everyone, I'll just do something next time I see her, whever it seems right. Thanks

EDIT: @Ursus

Get her to hang out places where she's likely to meet likeminded individuals who she might be interested in dating. I'm not sure what her interests are, but exercise activities (martial arts, gym classes, etc.) bookstores pool/poker/whatever else clubs and tons of activities on those lines are a good way of meeting people.

[DeadManSleeping]

re Meeting People: I just learned that lots of attractive young friendly people hang out at rock climbing gyms. It's a bit of a steep price, though, usually, and you'll be tired afterwards.

[Starwulf]

re Meeting People: I just learned that lots of attractive young friendly people hang out at rock climbing gyms. It's a bit of a steep price, though, usually, and you'll be tired afterwards.

Although I can't do it anymore because of my back, and I never did the fake kind when I could, I will highly recommend Rock-Climbing. It's a fun, yet strenuous activity, and the tired that you feel at the end of it, is the good "That was exhausting but so rewarding to reach the top" kind of tired. I used to love rock-climbing when I was younger, being that I live on top of a mountain, there are more then a few places I could go that had near vertical cliff-faces that I would often climb(without ropes at that, lol. Ahh, to be young and believe you're immortal again) with my best friend. so much fun!

[dehro]

am I the only one reading that wonders if rock climbing had anything to do with your back issue?

I'm kinda picturing you giving us the thumbs up from the bottom of a wile E coyote shaped hole in the ground at the bottom of a cliff

[DeadManSleeping]

I'm holding off on natural rock faces until I stop sucking at the easy level fake kind, personally. I proudly admit that I suck. And you know what? It's okay to suck. Advanced rock climbers seem to be helpful and supportive people. It might come from being part of a hobby where you have to be trusting and supportive of anyone doing it with you if you don't want to die horribly. But I might just be guessing

Also, belaying people is a good way to get a long hard look at their butts. Just saying

[Heliomance]

I love climbing. If I had money, I'd join the rock climbing society here at uni.

[DeadManSleeping]

Here's a funny one. I'll spoiler it, but there's no need to spoiler your responses.

Spoiler

Show

So, once, a long time ago, there was a girl in my class in college. She was very intelligent, fairly witty, and we got along well. A while after I knew her, I did develop a sort of crush, but I never really went for it. We stopped having classes together, but we stayed, well, Facebook friends. Yeah, I know that means nothing as far as interpersonal connection goes. However, what it DOES mean is that I can tell that she derives enjoyment from my witticisms and humorous stylings and whatnot. She's one of the people who "like"s my more joke-oriented posts.

Would there be ANY reasonable way of attempting to re-establish connection without it being, y'know, weird? I mean, not even necessarily for the sake of possible romance. I just think it'd be a nice connection to make again. But there's so much stigma surrounding a male contacting a previously-associated female out of the blue...it's rough.

I actually have another friend I totally want to get back in contact with, but she's had a boyfriend since I've known her, so that stigma thing doesn't really apply.

[Starwulf]

am I the only one reading that wonders if rock climbing had anything to do with your back issue?

I'm kinda picturing you giving us the thumbs up from the bottom of a wile E coyote shaped hole in the ground at the bottom of a cliff

ROFL! Now that you say it like that, I can see myself in that kind of position. In a sense, it kind of is, but not really. I did fall off a 40ft cliff, but not because I was climbing it.

I'm holding off on natural rock faces until I stop sucking at the easy level fake kind, personally. I proudly admit that I suck. And you know what? It's okay to suck. Advanced rock climbers seem to be helpful and supportive people. It might come from being part of a hobby where you have to be trusting and supportive of anyone doing it with you if you don't want to die horribly. But I might just be guessing

Also, belaying people is a good way to get a long hard look at their butts. Just saying

I'd definitely say that those who enjoy rock-climbing are likely to be supportive of those who are just getting into the sport. It's very demanding, and certainly requires a lot of dexterity, strength, and a lot of patience(especially once you get into actual rock-faces, either with ropes, or free-climbing like I used to do), and anyone who is willing to put in that kind of effort is certainly going to be the kind of person that other rock-climbers will want to encourage. Plus, it's a great way to find future climbing partners ^^

[dehro]

stuff

yeah... go for it
a simple "you, me, coffee?" should suffice..via facebook, if that's your preferred means of contact... at worst she'll just send you a virtual mug of coffee.

[Dvil]

-snip-

Just do as Dehro said; send a message along the lines of "Hey, long time no speak. Wanna catch up some time?" I don't see that it'd be that weird. You say you got along well, it makes sense that there'd be no problem re-establishing that.