Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping

[Mindfreak]

She...she just broke up with me...
My girlfriend just broke up with me because she'd rather us stay friends...
The girl who I pined over for my entire freshmen year, just broke up with me. </3

I mean...should I be so heartbroken about this? I only asked her out Tuesday and I thought we were so compatible...that I think she might have heard something about me from somewhere. Probably from the kids whom I feed lies to about me because they think that since I'm bi that they have to ask me all of these questions.

[Malfunctioned]

So just a quick update.

Things are good. Really good.

I'm still not exactly with the girl but we're for all intents and purposes together, even if we don't admit it. My friends say that they haven't seen me this happy for a long, long time. Everyone, with the exception of about two people, immediately assumes that we're dating, this includes mutual tutors of ours. We trade kisses, talk for hours on end and basically she's amazing.

I'm just trying not to focus on that fact that I'm most likely moving away for university at the end of the summer.

[BeethroBudkin07]

In that case, a letter is probably inadvisable. Try meeting her in the middle. Maybe a coffee date?

How exactly would it be inadvisable? Also, I'm in high school (and so is she). To have a coffee date, there would have to be a lot of work to get the parents to take us there and etc. Also, even if I could set this up during lunchtime, I don't think our school is anywhere close to a coffee shop either, only place I can think of at the top of my head that might be remotely close is a McDonalds, and that's pretty dang far away too.

Also, more info: this is the last year before college. And I know for a fact that she's not going to the same college as I am. Therefore, I don't really have high hopes on a relationship lasting really long. Despite that though, I still want to try. With the letter, I wanted to confirm whether she was willing to 'experiment' with being in a relationship to see if sparks flew. If they don't, ah well, I've got college. If they do, then happy!

EDIT: I suppose that message can be made with only saying that I have a crush on her though. Thing is, saying "I have a crush on you" sounds kinda weird. How could I put that into words that don't sound so... odd?

Mindfreak: That sucks man! Hope you find someone else... Also, darn those rumor kids! Darn them!!

Malfunctioned: Many congrats! You lucky person you...

[Grinner]

Let me diagram it:



Because she doesn't know you that well personally, I imagine she feels a little uncomfortable with you being so far into her "space". If she knew you better, a letter might be just the thing to steal her heart with.

That, however, is not the case. Unfortunately, we live in a world of circumstance. What we do is often determined by who we know.

That said, you seem pretty set on this, and I can't tell you what to do. Just be smart about it and don't go too far.

[BeethroBudkin07]

Hmm... are there any other ways I could try to have her know me better? As I mentionned earlier, having some form of casual date isn't all too possible (though it could be if I find a good place, but that's not likely). I'm not too sure about trying to talk to her some more because I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable again. While I really want to get into a relationship with her, I don't want to do anything that has high risks of making things worse between us.

[Grinner]

I'm not too sure about trying to talk to her some more because I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable again. While I really want to get into a relationship with her, I don't want to do anything that has high risks of making things worse between us.

Like I said, we live in a world of circumstance, and she seems to be outside of your social circle, meaning you probably don't have any opportunity to make conversation without intruding within her space.

Right now, you should be asking yourself why you want to be in a relationship with her. After all, its going to take effort and all for very little.

[Glass Mouse]

Hmm... are there any other ways I could try to have her know me better? As I mentionned earlier, having some form of casual date isn't all too possible (though it could be if I find a good place, but that's not likely). I'm not too sure about trying to talk to her some more because I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable again. While I really want to get into a relationship with her, I don't want to do anything that has high risks of making things worse between us.

If she doesn't feel comfortable talking casually with you, she will definitely not feel comfortable receiving a love letter... or be in a relationship.

Try talking to her again. You've given her a few weeks of total space, that's plenty for her to feel "free" again, so try getting back in touch. Give yourself some hard limits: only one initiated conversation per day. Less is more (after all, if she gets interested, she'll start initiating conversations, too).
It's very important that you show her that you can back off, too. If she's felt overwhelmed before, she'll need proof that you won't overwhelm her again. Monday's conversation should be just "hey, had a nice weekend?" and then leave (with a smile) the moment she doesn't ask questions back.

And while subtle body language cues aren't really worth their salt, look for the big ones. If she leans away when you sit next to her, or she constantly looks around and finds excuses to talk to her friends instead, you should probably just leave her alone.
If you need a hard rule: if she scoots off once, it could be coincidence. Second time is suspicious. Third time is her trying to tell you something.

But if she's fine with sparse conversation, and even starts making more of it on her own, you can get to the point of admitting your crush.


As for why it's bad to send a love letter right now... Scotchland's diagram illustrates it well. We all have blotches of personal space or "radar space". Different people take up different amounts of space on that radar - and are allowed different amounts. Strangers are just tiny specks. Family and close friends take up a lot. In general, these radar spaces are proportionate, and our interactions with other people reflect them. Fx, you can hug a close friend, but if you hug a total stranger, you'll confuse and unsettle them greatly ("Why did this tiny speck suddenly force hirself into large parts of my radar?")
Now, it sounds like she takes up a lot more space on your radar than you do on hers. Sometimes, this happens. But you don't really want to push and highlight this difference. Getting a love letter from a loose acquaintince is akin to getting a hug from a stranger. Weird and scary and unsettling. Partly because the people who do force themselves into your radar are often abusive or violent or - especially relevant for girls - rapists.
I'm not in a million years saying that's what you are(!!), but that's the associations our minds conjure up when our space is invaded. So I'll say it again: Less is more.

I hope that makes some degree of sense.

[BeethroBudkin07]

Yeah. It makes sense, don't worry. I suppose I can give that a shot. After all, I want things to go as great as they can, even if it doesn't end in relationship.

Now the last problem I have is that I don't have many chances to talk to her outside of the one class we have in common, and even then she's always talking to her friends. Only chances I can talk to her is after class, when I manage to find her at her locker after school (but I want to avoid talking to her here, because I fear that might be too stalkerish), or that tiny parcel of time where I have a chance to talk to her before class, and before she turns to her friends to talk (she's always been doing that BTW, so I don't believe that's a sign of her not wanting to talk to me).

But outside of that, this idea isn't a bad one, and I'll try to give it a shot whenever I get a chance.

[Objection]

... or that tiny parcel of time where I have a chance to talk to her before class, and before she turns to her friends to talk (she's always been doing that BTW, so I don't believe that's a sign of her not wanting to talk to me).

Her turning and talking to her friends is not a sign that she doesn't want to talk to you? Are you sure about that?

EDIT: Or did you mean she always did that since way before this whole mess started?

[BeethroBudkin07]

Yeah, I meant that she'd always talk to her friends before class starts, even before I got a crush on her.

Another bit of info: I'm not so sure about whether she's still uncomfortable with me. I've speaked to her maybe once or twice between the time I stepped back and now; and she didn't seem to be as uncomfortable as she was before.

More importantly, last weekend, when I hosted a video game marathon with my friends, which was advertised at my school by my friend, she actually showed up on the chatroom to support us. While it is possible that my friend didn't mention I was the one setting up the event, she stayed around for a long amount of time, even though I was clearly in the shot. I don't think she would've stayed for as long as she did if she didn't really want to see me. Then again, this was more of a situation where rather than me being inside her personal space, it was the opposite, so that might not be a telltale of quite a lot.

What do you guys think?

[bhtooefr]

Please realize that I'm not trying to be rude here, but this message will probably come off that way.

Honestly, I think you're overanalyzing her every action, especially based on that last post.

My understanding is that you were on a streaming video, but not the (only, anyway) subject of the video, and she was in an IRC channel or similar for that streaming video?

She could've just been interested in what's going on, and the fact that she didn't leave when she saw you simply means that she doesn't hate you to the point of not watching something that she's interested in, not that she likes you or is comfortable with you.

Myself, based on your description of the situation, I'd suggest backing away from the situation as much as possible, and that nothing good is likely to come of this one if you pursue it further (unless you'd like to get experience getting rejected - which IS useful), but rather learn lessons for the next woman you're interested in. FWIW, even with my awful success rate with women, I've found that most women are more attracted to me when I'm NOT paying attention to them for whatever reason.

And, trust me, I've been there, in similar situations. Pushing for something that isn't there will just drive her away.

[Grinner]

FWIW, even with my awful success rate with women, I've found that most women are more attracted to me when I'm NOT paying attention to them for whatever reason.

I'm afraid you are not alone...



...though I suspect the cause is largely unrelated to the effect.

[Triscuitable]

I'm afraid you are not alone...



...though I suspect the cause is largely unrelated to the effect.

This seems to be the reason that this one girl keeps talking to me, looking at me, sitting with me...

[BeethroBudkin07]

Honestly, I think you're overanalyzing her every action, especially based on that last post.

But that's all I'm good at!!

Myself, based on your description of the situation, I'd suggest backing away from the situation as much as possible, and that nothing good is likely to come of this one if you pursue it further (unless you'd like to get experience getting rejected - which IS useful), but rather learn lessons for the next woman you're interested in.

So you're saying I've 'screwed the pooch' too far, and that I should just pull back? Not talking to her at all won't be a big problem; I haven't said much to her in the past few weeks. The big thing here is going to be that I have to reset my mind to a state previous to me falling for her.

Personally, I'd rather wait a while longer before officially claiming that I should forget about her, as much as it may be a terrible idea. Maybe it's my ego telling me to fight until the last drop of blood for what I want...

Or it's because I always feel like I have a hard time putting my mind off something, or trying to change a part of myself. It's like trying to stretch a rubber band; it just snaps back after a bit. Oddly enough, the second to last panel of this seems to describe that well: http://xkcd.com/1027

Not long ago, I had actually made a decision to stop trying to get her and instead to try improving myself so I can be more prepared for the next girl, as you told me to. But I always had that speck of hope inside of me. It had suddenly blew out of proportion, and then I felt like I had to try some more. Why? Because I couldn't fathom being alone anymore. I've been in this forever alone state for the better part of a year, and I wanted so badly to get out of it. And for some things, I just can't seem to give up, no matter how grand the consequences.

With her, I felt like I had found someone who could fill the empty spot I always had. She's a funny person, a great English speaker and to boot, she was supportive of my written efforts last year. And when she showed up in the chatroom for our marathon, I felt like she cared. Maybe that wasn't what it was, but to me, that's what it seemed like. I was hoping to find some of that caring love I've been desperately seeking for. Alas, it seems that by pushing the lever further, I'd activate a tactical nuclear missile. (Or at least, that's what you guys seem to claim, but with less hyperbole)

I just wish I knew how to forget all of this. How to stretch the band and keep it stretched. But I feel like if I give up, that I'll always wind up in a streak of cowardice, and where I'll always back off from girls I like. I know that's farfetched, but that's what I believe. That's what the illogical part of my brain says. And I follow it like a blind mule.

As for trying to be more social, I've been in a theater troupe for a few years now, and at the end of the month is our final presentation. After that, I don't get to meet up with them again until September, if ever again. I have quite a few friends actually, but I don't seem to get the kind of romantic attention from them that I've been seeking from a partner (and no, I don't want to get that attention from them, since they're all guys, and that would be squicky). As for family, I feel quite isolated from them honestly. Yes, maybe that's the problem. I've thought of that. Call me a jerk if you will, but because of my sister and her annoying antics, I've distanced myself from everyone else. I have tried to be a bit closer to the others, but that's not too effective, because again, see the rubber band. And I just couldn't get the right kind of attention from them. They're family, yes, but I don't see myself being romantic with my own mother or my sister.

Well, that's a long summary of what's been motivating me to do these things. Hopefully there's a way to get through this. As for seeing a psychologist, I might just do that. But if you guys have any other advice, do go ahead and tell.

EDIT: Needless to say, that post has just put me in the same mindset I had when I chose to give up on her. I'm about ready to do so again. But I still have this part of me that wishes for closure with her. It's like leaving a project unfinished; I'll want to finish it, even if it's tough work to do so.

EDIT 2: Gah, I just convinced myself I could still make things work... I mean, I can always try to learn from my previous mistakes, try to not be overanalytic of every move of hers, only talk max. once a day until she seems to be more open to me, and so on. ...why can't I make up my mind?!

Ah well, let's wait until the break ends. The return to school will probably change my mind yet again anyway.

EDIT 3: Yeah. I suppose those edits are a great display of my rubber band personality at play. Anyhow, I chose to take matters into my own hands. I'll keep you guys updated on what happens.

[Castaras]

I'm afraid you are not alone...

*snip*

...though I suspect the cause is largely unrelated to the effect.

When you're not giving a damn about trying to impress someone, your normal confidence returns. Confidence = sexy. It's a chick magnet.

[Serpentine]

Not sure whether I was ignored or missed... Just in case it's the latter:

Um... Maybe I'm reading it wrong or there's just not enough information, but if just "talking too much" is enough to make her uncomfortable enough for you to say you'll leave her alone for a while, I'm afraid writing a love letter to her will just make her feel so awkward around you even a friendship's likely to be out of the question. What exactly is your goal with this letter? From what you've said here, it looks to me like she's given you reasonably big signs that she's not interested, so I wouldn't get your hopes up too much... Unless there was more, or more context, to that?

[AtlanteanTroll]

What if you have your own puppy.

[Kindablue]

What if you have your own puppy.

Then you can probably handle this without the chart.

[BeethroBudkin07]

Maybe you could start with the friendly hello and see where that leads you?

Wait, what IS it you want to send her, anyway?

[BeethroBudkin07]

the point I would ideally get across to her is

Hi, you are undoubtedly still awesome, and I could use some friends. And I still want us to be that for each other.

How about you just write that in your e-mail? Well, I'd omit the 'I could use some friends' part because it might sound a bit desperate.

Only write what's necessary. This is the first message you're sending her in months, so it shouldn't be a novel. Just start with the bare minimum, and tell the rest afterwards, if the need comes. Yes, maybe you'll feel like you wanted to say more. But sometimes, saying less is better.

EDIT: That's weird. I'm helping people when I'm having a terrible time with my own problem!

[Ceric]

I have send her like +-3 of those mails in the last 9 months
the last one was a while ago. around the beginning of December I think.

How did she respond to these emails?

[Reluctance]

Personally, I'd rather wait a while longer before officially claiming that I should forget about her, as much as it may be a terrible idea. Maybe it's my ego telling me to fight until the last drop of blood for what I want...

Or it's because I always feel like I have a hard time putting my mind off something, or trying to change a part of myself. It's like trying to stretch a rubber band; it just snaps back after a bit. Oddly enough, the second to last panel of this seems to describe that well: http://xkcd.com/1027

Not long ago, I had actually made a decision to stop trying to get her and instead to try improving myself so I can be more prepared for the next girl, as you told me to. But I always had that speck of hope inside of me. It had suddenly blew out of proportion, and then I felt like I had to try some more. Why? Because I couldn't fathom being alone anymore. I've been in this forever alone state for the better part of a year, and I wanted so badly to get out of it. And for some things, I just can't seem to give up, no matter how grand the consequences.

With her, I felt like I had found someone who could fill the empty spot I always had. She's a funny person, a great English speaker and to boot, she was supportive of my written efforts last year. And when she showed up in the chatroom for our marathon, I felt like she cared. Maybe that wasn't what it was, but to me, that's what it seemed like. I was hoping to find some of that caring love I've been desperately seeking for. Alas, it seems that by pushing the lever further, I'd activate a tactical nuclear missile. (Or at least, that's what you guys seem to claim, but with less hyperbole)

Your linking to a comic ripping on PUA reminded me of one of the many good points they have. Oneitis. (Warning: Urban Dictionary link.) When you cut away how they say it, the point is a very good one; when you think that one girl is the unique shining star that you're meant to be with, it's time to back the **** off and remember that there are billions more out there. The more you pedestalize the girl, the more you come off as a sad sack.

Qbit: Go ahead and vomit your emotions all over as many pieces of paper you need to. Then light them on fire so you're not able to do something stupid like send them.

When you're able to think about her with a reasonable level of "yeah, she was cool" instead of this emotionally conflicted rush, that's when you send her a FB friend invite. Or not, if you come to your senses enough that you remember the bad parts as well. As long as you have all this inner turmoil at the thought of her, that's your sign to go out and do fun things with other people until you recenter and reestablish yourself.

[dehro]

just saying it out loud so I can see how bad an idea this is

But I am really feeling like contacting my ex.
She hasn't specifically said she doesn't ever wanted to hear from me again, but the subtext was definitely there.
It might be okay if I ever in the future sent her a friendly hello. Only that is not what I would send now.

It's so paradoxical, it would be okay to do it when I didn't felt the urge, I think. But it's never such a bad idea when I want to.

or, here's alternative idea, you could run really fast and slam face first in the nearest wall..
in the long run it's likely to hurt a lot less

[noparlpf]

or, here's alternative idea, you could run really fast and slam face first in the nearest wall..
in the long run it's likely to hurt a lot less

I can vouch for that! Running face-first into a concrete wall is much less painful that contacting an estranged ex.

[BeethroBudkin07]

When you think that one girl is the unique shining star that you're meant to be with, it's time to back the **** off and remember that there are billions more out there. The more you pedestalize the girl, the more you come off as a sad sack.

When you're able to think about her with a reasonable level of "yeah, she was cool" instead of this emotionally conflicted rush, that's when you send her a FB friend invite. Or not, if you come to your senses enough that you remember the bad parts as well. As long as you have all this inner turmoil at the thought of her, that's your sign to go out and do fun things with other people until you recenter and reestablish yourself.

So if I were to take a few steps back, try to find a few flaws in her character, I could be able to make a more enlightened decision on whether I should continue trying to be with her? Or should I completely give up on the possibility of a relationship and go on with my life?

Anyhow, from that post, I'm getting this 'don't bother with crushes' vibe. Maybe that's just me stretching something that isn't there, but if I were to back off from a crush whenever I start to feel like I'm idolizing them, wouldn't I never have a chance to find someone to be with? Maybe there are other ways, but right now, I can't think of any... anyone know some?

Well, I don't really mind giving up on her, trying to forget the whole crush thing and then going with the 'Facebook friends' idea (though I'd need an account first!). But for some reason a part of me wants to let her know about what's happened, despite the fact I gave up on her. I kind of feel bad about leaving her in the dark about all this...

On an unrelated matter, a friend of mine told me that before trying to ask someone out on a date, they should know that you like them. Personally, that seems wrong. But what do you guys think?

[Reluctance]

The second piece of my advice was to qbit. It applies after the relationship has run its course, and basically says to keep your distance until the emotions have calmed down. Getting back in touch with an ex when unresolved emotions are still in turmoil will just make everything messier.

The advice to you, and the point about oneitis, is what happens when you suffer from tunnel vision. By all means crush, by all means be silly. But when it goes from thinking that this one person is pretty cool and starts causing you to ignore other options, it's time to pull back. Flirt with other hotties. Stop investing so much time and energy on one person who you don't fully know.

As to your friend's advice, he's coming at it from the wrong direction. You're much more likely to be taken up on a date if you've had pleasant interactions with the other person, and you can feel much more confident that they'll accept if they seem interested too. That's all about body language. You don't need the "Do you like me? (Y/N)" note before you ask them. Asking them out is a clear sign of interest in its own right.

[Ceric]

So if I were to take a few steps back, try to find a few flaws in her character, I could be able to make a more enlightened decision on whether I should continue trying to be with her? Or should I completely give up on the possibility of a relationship and go on with my life?

Anyhow, from that post, I'm getting this 'don't bother with crushes' vibe. Maybe that's just me stretching something that isn't there, but if I were to back off from a crush whenever I start to feel like I'm idolizing them, wouldn't I never have a chance to find someone to be with? Maybe there are other ways, but right now, I can't think of any... anyone know some?

Well, I don't really mind giving up on her, trying to forget the whole crush thing and then going with the 'Facebook friends' idea (though I'd need an account first!). But for some reason a part of me wants to let her know about what's happened, despite the fact I gave up on her. I kind of feel bad about leaving her in the dark about all this...

If you like a girl, by all means go ahead and ask her out. The problem is the difference between "yeah, she's pretty cool, I'm going to ask her out" and "she's perfect for me, I'm in love with her". Both are crushes, but the former isn't idolizing while the latter is. You're putting a lot of emotional investment into pursuing a relationship that, frankly, is likely to turn out badly. Getting rejected happens more often than not, after all *shrug* But the amount of investment you put in is going to directly affect how hurt you'll be if she ends up rejecting you. Going after a crush is fine, but going after a crush that you idolize this much will hurt a lot more. That's the main part of the reason everyone's advising you to back off and cool off for a while. Not that you can't go after her, but you shouldn't go after her while you're in this state of mind.

(The other part is that she's already said you were making her uneasy and you agreed to back off for a while. Stuff like writing a declaration of love will give you peace of mind, you've said, but very likely at the cost of hers. And the last thing you want to do now is scare her off further.)

I have a (tiny tiny) bit of personal experience from both sides of the issue, y'see >.> Not sure if what I did was best but this is what I did.

Spoiler

Show

The first was a friend who I'd known for about one-and-a-half years before I started crushing on him. I thought there were a few signals going both ways - or maybe I was overanalyzing, which given my personality seems much more likely - so one day in a moment of temporary courage I asked him to prom. We started flirting a lot over the next few days but then he said he wasn't feeling comfortable about it, and when I gave him the choice he said he'd rather we went to the dance as friends. I was understandably disappointed and my appetite and health went down the toilet for about a week (not literally). Well, we went to prom and we ended up kissing, and we made it FB official the next morning Success, right? But I should've paid more attention to that first indication he gave, when he said he'd rather be friends. Because he said nearly the same thing three months later when we broke up. Completely out of the blue (from my POV). Because he's a really nice person (if a bit naive), still is, and I think he wanted to wait out as long as possible before he finally had to break my heart >.> As it is, my first year of college was spoiled by some depression because of that. At least I didn't see him very frequently that year. I don't know how I would've dealt if we were still going to the same school >.>

I did ask him about five months later for why we broke up (he didn't tell me at the time ) and at that time I made it clear that I was willing to try again if he was. He wasn't. So I figure the ball's in his court and I'm not going to push him any more than that, because really, what good will it do? We're still friends, I still carry a bit of a flame for him (and I'm pretty sure he knows it) that I've mostly gotten over, and I get a non-guilty pleasure of enjoying his company more than friends normally do when our high school group meets up occasionally Not that I tell him about that last part. I mean, awkward, right?

It does suck that I still get jealous whenever he interacts with girls that aren't me for extended periods of time, but that's my issue, not his >.>

---

Then the relationship I'm currently in (for a given value of "relationship" and "in") is with a guy who has, essentially, declared me to be the meaning of his life and would probably give up anything for me if I were to ask for it. I'm perfectly fine with a casual relationship atm, dating and kissing and such, but I don't like him that much and I don't want him thinking it's more than it is. Honestly, if he wasn't so serious about it I think I'd be fine; it's the seriousness that's turning me off more than anything else. I'm not exactly crushing on him anyways but the seriousness is what's making me want to quit out of the relationship right now >.>

I did tell him that maybe I don't like him quite as much as he likes me (yeah, I'm terrible at confrontation ) and he hasn't sent any of the super-dedicated messages since then, but I think even what we have now is making me uncomfortable... I'm going to have to go back and say it again... after he spent yesterday telling me that his deity of choice has granted him so much happiness in his life and he couldn't ask for anything better

So far it's been a little less than a month.

[Grinner]

I have a (tiny tiny) bit of personal experience from both sides of the issue, y'see >.> Not sure if what I did was best but this is what I did.

Spoiler

Show

The first was a friend who I'd known for about one-and-a-half years before I started crushing on him. I thought there were a few signals going both ways - or maybe I was overanalyzing, which given my personality seems much more likely - so one day in a moment of temporary courage I asked him to prom. We started flirting a lot over the next few days but then he said he wasn't feeling comfortable about it, and when I gave him the choice he said he'd rather we went to the dance as friends. I was understandably disappointed and my appetite and health went down the toilet for about a week (not literally). Well, we went to prom and we ended up kissing, and we made it FB official the next morning Success, right? But I should've paid more attention to that first indication he gave, when he said he'd rather be friends. Because he said nearly the same thing three months later when we broke up. Completely out of the blue (from my POV). Because he's a really nice person (if a bit naive), still is, and I think he wanted to wait out as long as possible before he finally had to break my heart >.> As it is, my first year of college was spoiled by some depression because of that. At least I didn't see him very frequently that year. I don't know how I would've dealt if we were still going to the same school >.>

I did ask him about five months later for why we broke up (he didn't tell me at the time ) and at that time I made it clear that I was willing to try again if he was. He wasn't. So I figure the ball's in his court and I'm not going to push him any more than that, because really, what good will it do? We're still friends, I still carry a bit of a flame for him (and I'm pretty sure he knows it) that I've mostly gotten over, and I get a non-guilty pleasure of enjoying his company more than friends normally do when our high school group meets up occasionally Not that I tell him about that last part. I mean, awkward, right?

It does suck that I still get jealous whenever he interacts with girls that aren't me for extended periods of time, but that's my issue, not his >.>

---

Then the relationship I'm currently in (for a given value of "relationship" and "in") is with a guy who has, essentially, declared me to be the meaning of his life and would probably give up anything for me if I were to ask for it. I'm perfectly fine with a casual relationship atm, dating and kissing and such, but I don't like him that much and I don't want him thinking it's more than it is. Honestly, if he wasn't so serious about it I think I'd be fine; it's the seriousness that's turning me off more than anything else. I'm not exactly crushing on him anyways but the seriousness is what's making me want to quit out of the relationship right now >.>

I did tell him that maybe I don't like him quite as much as he likes me (yeah, I'm terrible at confrontation ) and he hasn't sent any of the super-dedicated messages since then, but I think even what we have now is making me uncomfortable... I'm going to have to go back and say it again... after he spent yesterday telling me that his deity of choice has granted him so much happiness in his life and he couldn't ask for anything better

So far it's been a little less than a month.

If you don't even like him, just go ahead and put the knife through his heart. Give him the opportunity move on.

[Ceric]

If you don't even like him, just go ahead and put the knife through his heart. Give him the opportunity move on.

He's really nice and moderately cute, I'm just not feeling much more of an actual crush on him. That said, yeah, the next time I'll see him will probably be Monday >.>

edit: Oh, yeah, fun fact: I did have a minor crush on him for the first month or so after meeting him but that's worn off by now. (Besides he wouldn't have gotten anywhere during that time period anyways because that's when I was still depressed and jaded about my previous ex.)

[BeethroBudkin07]

Alright, then I suppose I'll try to get rid of this crush I have. But seeing how little time I have left before the end of high school (and that means before I never get to see her IRL again, unless I get lucky), this means I'm sacrificing all hopes of a relationship with her. Ah well, as long as she's happy...

But now the problem lies in having to face the fact that I probably won't find a partner for a long while now. It's a long way until the start of college, let alone until I find someone else.

Also, what worries me is that I don't think I've ever had a 'non-idolizing' crush on someone. Maybe I was at some point interested by some girls, but in all honesty, it wasn't strong enough to make me want to go out with them. I fear I might not be able to notice a 'mild' crush as opposed to a major one, and I feel like that if I notice one such mild crush, it would get blown up into a major one and lead to idolization (which I think might have actually been what happened here, as I MIGHT have been displaying signs of a mild crush on her up until it became a major one).

...actually, I'm a bit concerned that the part of me that wants to go out will her will be going "Hey, I stopped idolizing her! Can you try to get into that relationship now?". My brain is just that crafty a bugger, trying to fool itself in complex ways.