Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping

[Comrade]

So I told him and...no. He doesn't feel that way about me. I've been friendzoned.

It's okay though. Well, of course I'm heartbroken but things will be okay. We're still best friends, we talked it out and we're going to destress over hot chocolate. So I'll be fine.

Damn, that's rough. But at the very least, staying friends is good when it works out, right? Sometimes doesn't, but it's better to have that than to lose any friendship whatsoever over it.

Then again, I wouldn't altogether know myself, since I've literally never met a girl I'd take an interest in, and therefore never been in a relationship. Which still strikes me as kinda weird. Maybe because I'm way too specific when it comes to girls I'd take an interest in. That aside.

Yeah, I'm just posting here...well, one, to comment on CoffeeIncluded's situation. Also because I've been lurking around here for a while and figured it was about time I actually posted something.

Yeah.

[Reluctance]

So I told him and...no. He doesn't feel that way about me. I've been friendzoned.

It's okay though. Well, of course I'm heartbroken but things will be okay. We're still best friends, we talked it out and we're going to destress over hot chocolate. So I'll be fine.

Because I made the stink about working up the nerve, I'll be the cheerful fairy to point out how this is still a better outcome than waiting in the wings forever:

• He still sounds like an awesome friend for holding your hand through all this. Breathe deep, take some time insisting that all men are poopyheads if you need it to let off some steam, but keep in mind that you didn't lose an awesome friendship. On that front, you're no worse off than you were longing after him from afar.
• You said "hey, I like you". The sky did not fall, you were not banished to the island of the hideous and unloveable, and the worst that happened was nothing happening. Too many people are chicken about making the first move. When you remember how catastrophic this wasn't, you'll be more able to make the first move on the next guy you crush on, without building it up as much. Being able to say "hey, wanna go out" earlier on means you can get a yea/nea sooner, spending less time in limbo before you find a guy who thinks you're as amazing as you think he is.
• You know. As much as it might sting, you can stop waiting around for things to transmogrify. You can stop ignoring every other potential date because you have blinders for the one dude. Given how long you were agonizing over him for, not having that over your head should be a relative relief.

So net win Team Coffee. Be all broody and bitter for a bit if it helps you process, then you can keep your eyes open for fresh new options.

[Starwulf]

So I told him and...no. He doesn't feel that way about me. I've been friendzoned.

It's okay though. Well, of course I'm heartbroken but things will be okay. We're still best friends, we talked it out and we're going to destress over hot chocolate. So I'll be fine.

Awww, sorry to hear that Coffee :-(.

[golentan]

So... I realize how creepy this is. Due to roommates/housemates, private time with my GF is hard to come by. Anyone have recommendations for where we could get some private time without spending 50 bucks for the opportunity?

[John Cribati]

So... I realize how creepy this is. Due to roommates/housemates, private time with my GF is hard to come by. Anyone have recommendations for where we could get some private time without spending 50 bucks for the opportunity?

Start making out on the couch/floor/kitchen table. Continue until everyone leaves in disgust.

That's how my parents got me out the house.

[golentan]

Start making out on the couch/floor/kitchen table. Continue until everyone leaves in disgust.

That's how my parents got me out the house.

@_@ golentan disapproves of your strategy.

[Coidzor]

Does the door lock?

Do you have a spare sock? That is colorful and noticeable?

Tie?

Hang one or both of those from the relevant doors. Take a cue from Avenue Q, and the rest should sort itself out.

I suppose you could also ascertain whether your roomie will need anything pressing from your bedroom during the period of time your SO will be over. And advise your housemates to not be doing anything that requires quiet or intense concentration during those hours as you will be entertaining.

[golentan]

Okay, to clarify: My house mates are family members, who neither of us feel comfortable knowing we are having sex. She lives in the living room of a three room apartment, so privacy is not an option there at all.

Homes are pretty much out.

[Reluctance]

Car?

Movie theater for a show/time you know nobody else will go to?

An office/classroom during times when you expect them to be abandoned?

Discovering a mutual love for very loud bands?

[Feytalist]

So I told him and...no. He doesn't feel that way about me. I've been friendzoned.

That's sucky. :C

But this...

Because I made the stink about working up the nerve, I'll be the cheerful fairy to point out how this is still a better outcome than waiting in the wings forever:

<etc.>

...is really good advice. Heed it.

You didn't lose a friendship that seems to really mean a lot to you, and you faced your fears and took a scary step. Regardless of outcome, that's a really important lesson to have learned.

We're all proud of you

[The Succubus]

*hugs* Sorry it didnt work out Coffee.

*hugs again*

[Sholos]

Message sent to girl on OKCupid. This is the first time I've actually sent the first message, so this was biggish for me.

[Dvil]

Well done Coffee! Shame it didn't work out, but on the other hand basically everything Reluctance said is true.

[Asta Kask]

*hugs* Sorry it didnt work out Coffee.

*hugs again*

This and this and this.

[Astrella]

So I told him and...no. He doesn't feel that way about me. I've been friendzoned.

It's okay though. Well, of course I'm heartbroken but things will be okay. We're still best friends, we talked it out and we're going to destress over hot chocolate. So I'll be fine.

Awww, I'm sorry. *hugs*

But on the plus side, it didn't ruin your friendship.

[Dallas-Dakota]

Yeah, good female friend is not interested.

Flirted with a girl I know, fun and all, she flirts back. And then I find out that she has a boyfriend.

Demotivated. Still had a good night, just demotivated in the romance area.

[Asta Kask]

So I told him and...no. He doesn't feel that way about me. I've been friendzoned.

It's okay though. Well, of course I'm heartbroken but things will be okay. We're still best friends, we talked it out and we're going to destress over hot chocolate. So I'll be fine.

[Castaras]

*snip*

... Huh. Interesting graph.

[Coidzor]

Nah, Friend zone is below that and in people who think they're friends and soulmates but aren't actually.

[Form]

Kudos at Coffee, Dallas and Sholos for having the guts to make a move/tell their romantic interest about their feelings. That in itself at least is something which warrants a pat on the back I think.

[Morph Bark]

Because I made the stink about working up the nerve, I'll be the cheerful fairy to point out how this is still a better outcome than waiting in the wings forever:

• He still sounds like an awesome friend for holding your hand through all this. Breathe deep, take some time insisting that all men are poopyheads if you need it to let off some steam, but keep in mind that you didn't lose an awesome friendship. On that front, you're no worse off than you were longing after him from afar.
• You said "hey, I like you". The sky did not fall, you were not banished to the island of the hideous and unloveable, and the worst that happened was nothing happening. Too many people are chicken about making the first move. When you remember how catastrophic this wasn't, you'll be more able to make the first move on the next guy you crush on, without building it up as much. Being able to say "hey, wanna go out" earlier on means you can get a yea/nea sooner, spending less time in limbo before you find a guy who thinks you're as amazing as you think he is.
• You know. As much as it might sting, you can stop waiting around for things to transmogrify. You can stop ignoring every other potential date because you have blinders for the one dude. Given how long you were agonizing over him for, not having that over your head should be a relative relief.

So net win Team Coffee. Be all broody and bitter for a bit if it helps you process, then you can keep your eyes open for fresh new options.

So very this. This is prettymuch why I don't let those things linger for too long. It's a way of keeping both the great relationships you currently have and get the ones you want to have (by not waiting for the ones you currently have to develop into them).

It also once again just goes to show that courage is overcoming your fears, and when it comes to other people, fear can be very powerful. So kudos to those who overcome it.

[Sholos]

Kudos at Coffee, Dallas and Sholos for having the guts to make a move/tell their romantic interest about their feelings. That in itself at least is something which warrants a pat on the back I think.

Well, it was more like attempting first contact. I did have that one girl that said if she wasn't doing something with a friend, she'd be interested in something casual with me, though.

No word back from this last message. Don't really know how long a wait is normal, though.

[Serpentine]

I prefer mine:

Nah, Friend zone is below that and in people who think they're friends and soulmates but aren't actually.

Also that.

[Objection]

I think you either got the wrong url or the wrong tag Serpentine. Perhaps you meant to do this, or this:

Spoiler

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[Asta Kask]

But that's specifically about female psychology. Coffee's friend is male.

[Serpentine]

Blargh. Yeah, I did >.<

Asta: True. But usually it's guys talking about girls.

[Asta Kask]

Personally I find it difficult to envisage a long-term relationship where the people involved aren't friends. At the very least it would be a very stormy relationship.

[Serpentine]

For her second wedding mum got a plaque thing as a gift that says "Happiness is being married to your best friend", or something like that.

[Coidzor]

I think you either got the wrong url or the wrong tag Serpentine. Perhaps you meant to do this, or this:

Spoiler

Show

Eh, I'd strike the "really good friend" and replace it with "friend who got downgraded to acquaintance because he won't take no for an answer," and move it squarely into jerk, maybe with a smidgen of overlap otherwise.

Though there's also got to be a circle somewhere marked "Guy who could've been a friend but won't take a hint or no but is too pathetic to trigger sexual assault defenses, so I'll bleed him dry of money until he finally wises up, because that's ethical, right?"

Boy is that creepy when one runs into that though.

But that's specifically about female psychology. Coffee's friend is male.

Yes, but then we have to deal with the question of his sexual orientation or lack of sexuality. Which wouldn't really be appropriate at this point in time or sensitive to Coffee's state of mind in the slightest.

[Starwulf]

So, Serpentine, how have things been going since those back to back nights of drunken sexual assault? Has he managed to stay away from you? Did he approach you during the day and apologize?